PDA

View Full Version : Tales of the Foolish Kings...



The_Emperor
08-05-2003, 20:06
In the Spirit of this forum I have decided to create a thread devoted to the Blundering mistakes of Kings...

Ever invade the wrong province and find your army stranded on an island when someone declares war?

Ever try to assassinate a troublesome general only to fail and find your Kingdom plunged into Civil war?

Ever invade a country you thought was easy pickings, only to find your armies outnumbered and your generals outclassed?

These are the kind of blunders that destroy Empires (or at least set them back for a number of years) So list them here

The_Emperor
08-05-2003, 20:47
Ok here is one of my earliest campaign stories, my first ever Crusade in MTW... back when I was new and didn't know what I was doing.

The English Nation had conquered all of France many years ealier, we had been at peace for too long surrounded by allies.

King John I was rapidly losing respect at home and abroad, his Influence was weak even though he held a great empire. Alas he was Young and inexperienced and unlike his two great uncles he was no military genius. King John fancied himself as a crusading King, and gave orders for one to be prepared.

The Crusade went underway and the target was the province of Bulgaria... Held by the Byzantines. King John was not worldly he didn't even Know the name of the Byzantine Emperor, let alone how big his borders were or the size of his armies. he didn't even know what would happen if his crusaders failed.

He sent his army forth in complete ignorance and stupidity... After selecting a good General the Crusade quickly left for the Holy Roman Empire. King John didn't have the foresight to add his own troops to the Crusade as it started out, so in some ways the Crusade was already doomed.

The crusade marched across The Holy Roman Empire drawing many recruits it then crossed into Hungary collecting even more men to its cause until finally the Crusade Arrived in Bulgaria. The Byzantines were intially shocked and retreated to the castle, but the following year armies had moved in from the North and the South and from Across the Black sea.

The Crusaders were outnumbered 5 to 1, and the Amry was led by a superior commander and made up of good troops. The Crusading army only had a handful of volunteers and a lot of peasants. They didn't stand a chance against the Kataphroktoi charge.

When the dust settled the crusaders retreated to the Hungarian's territory and there they slowly died from disease... it took a few years but when the Crusaders were finally defeated, England Erupted into Civil war.

The Key holdings in France, Anjou, Ile De France, Flanders and Normandy were under attack from the rebels... the French Royalty re-emerged the same year in Champagne, Flanders and Ile De France with massive armies that made the civil war look like a Tavern Brawl.

Worse Still Mercia had gone over to the rebels, as had Scotland and Wales. With his Home Lands bitterly divided and his key citadels held by Rebels and under siege from the French, his nation was doomed.

He had sought to launch a crusade to expand his empire, but instead he had caused utter ruin to his Kingdom. King John Died of Disease at a Young age compared to his previous ancestors (43, Pre-VI), and his Son was 14 and too young to take the Throne.

His foolishness is now legendary

Monk
08-06-2003, 05:25
1330, the Turkish Empire was on the move. All of North Africa eastern Europe and Central Europe had been dominated and was completly under the rule of the Sultan. A last alliance of the Christian Kingdoms only stood in the wake of the coming destruction. The war had been long and hard fought, but one event would shake the bounds and decide the fate of the world.

There was a Young Prince who was very ambitious and wanted the crown from his father. he sent an assasin to kill his father as he would claim the throne if he died. but his father knew before hand and killed the assasin, when it was discovered that he was responisble for the hire of the blade, Civil war erupted.

The Young Price had the respect of many generals and conviced those who held the East to side with him. His Father the sultan held onto the West, and the War between East and West began. For 15 years the battles raged on numerous fronts and countless soldiers were slain in the name of their lord. However in 1347 the Khan of the Golden horde reapeared with vast armies in Central Europe, the stuned defenders there were easily defeated and swept aside. Others fell by bribes from the Christians and still others rebelled as they doubted their ruler.

With the rebellions in the east and center, the Sultan recalled all his troops to the Middle East attempting to save his Troops' lives, however in the withdraw many were killed. The Almohads and the Egytpians reapeared in North Africa and pushed out the Turkish there. The remaining troops in Europe were slaughtered, and the Sultan himself was said to have fallen defending Venice from a German counter attack.

in 1368 the Turkish Empire only stretched from Constantinople down to Sinai, much had been lost. Many generations of rulers had created that Empire over the span of 300 years, and it was torn apart by a young prince and a single assasin, in just a decade.

EDIT: of course we all know who really hired that assasin http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif

pyhhricvictory
08-08-2003, 18:03
The first Italian campaign that I tired was great to show the incompetence of a king and his love of the grape.

My first Italian king had just died and his 17 year old son (the incestous lout with 1 crown of influence) took the throne. My first king had expanded the royal territories to include all of Italy except for Papal Rome and into the Swiss Alps and it looked as if the Italians were going to be the pirde of the middle ages. Then sonny came to power. Starting out, he showed promise, He marched an army into the south of France and crushed the Frogs in Provence and Toulouse and were preparing to turn north into the heart of the French country-side. His influence was beginning to grow in the courts of Europe and he bagan a few years of the party lifestyle, picking up drunk vices RIGHT AND LEFT (UP TO dEAD dRUNK i BELIEVE) and his influence began to wane. He decided to use the new Chapter House that he had commissioned and send a Crusade into the Balkans to take Christian land back from the Turks, who had swallowed the once proud Byzantines.

The Crusade leaves from Venice and decides to go overland to its target province (Moldavia) and leaves the safety of the Italian mainland. The King himself decides that he is going to lead the Crusade and they almost get to their target and are about to cross through Byzantine lands but are REFUSED addmittance. Being a rash 30 year old, the King decides to press on and attack the Byzantine army first. His mainly peasant army backed by a few knights and srchers attack a much smaller army. Easy as a Venetian Princess after a pizza he thought to himself, not knowing what a Kataphraktoi is and who those funny little men carrying pots do. His army was destroyed and he retreated back into freindly land. Not having a brain in his drunken head, he decides to attack again and is captured this time. After ransoming him back and seeing the best of their knightly brethren killed in a pointless war, a couple of the strongest generals decide to perform a coup de etat and wrest power from the young fool, killing him and the Italian dynasty in the process.

Mount Suribachi
08-09-2003, 18:47
King Henry was a fine King. He was driving the HRE back into eastern Europe after they had foolishly attacked his French territory. To the South he was fighting a bitter war with the Spanish who had launched an attack, hoping to take advantage of the English being distracted by the Germans.

The Spanish launched a huge army into Anjou, King Henry himself led the defence. Casualties were high on both sides, the English archers mowing down hundreds of Spanish Jinettes. King Henrys entire bodyguard had falled to the javelins of the seemingly endless Jinettes. Both sides had lost nearly 1000 men, but Henry could see that the tide of battle was clearly with the English and any moment now the Spanish would break. Content with the result and wishing to expose himself to no unessasary harm, he decided to withdraw to behind his army and direct the remainder of the battle. He rode through the last of his archers with any arrows remaining, pouring fire down on the Spanish below.

THUD went the sound of Henrys body falling to the ground, an English arrow fired at point blank range embedded in his throat. His death did not unduly affect his army who saw off the Spanish attack. It effected his empire though which erupted into civil war with all of Britain and most of France on one side and Ireland and bits of Germany and France on the other. The long since conquered French also chose this moment to reappear in 3 provinces including the rich one of Flanders...



My first ever civil war Happened to me the other day and all cos of some stoopid friendly fire The sight of my decimated empire disheartens me and I've not played another turn since http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/frown.gif

Vanya
08-29-2003, 17:40
GAH

The pinnacle of stupidity... OMG Vanya's minion was ruler of the French one time a while back. The king died and left his chinless, 6-toed, inbred, drunk, heretic son the throne. The little booger actually has 3 command crowns, so that is not a total loss.

Well... here comes the best example of total stupidity Vanya's minions have ever exhibited.

The Elmoheads were pushing north, and had taken the former English lands of Anjou and Aquitaine. Feeling that Brittany was unholdable, the new king decided to raze it and pull its garrison back to Normandy. But, there were 4 crusade icons in Brittany Of course, he could only launch ONE, as these are no Jihads... Well, the fool disbanded the other 3 unlaunched crusades

You know what happenned? For each crusade disbanded, the fool lost 1 influence crown. Disbanding all 3 meant his influence went from 3 to ZERO Instant civil war erupted, with the king controlling only 1/4 of total forces. The bastard didn't stand a chance, and he soon tasted steel from the hands of his countrymen. Well, the fool died, taking his dynasty to the grave, and the Elmos never even moved into Brittany http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/mecry.gif

GAH

Quokka
09-04-2003, 19:07
I have an image of the situation but can't post it.

I was wondering why no ports were appearing on the Baltic coasts so I sent a boat to have a look. This is what I saw.

http://www.totalwar.org/patrons/story/rebellions1.jpg

Later inspection found the Prussian force consisted of
1496 Fanatics
3338 Catholic Peasants
4317 Muslim Peasants
123 Spearmen
50 Crossbowmen
Total: 9324 all under a 5 star

I had a new King with low influence so sent a Crusade that totals 1524 men to Lithuania, 1000 good troops and 500 Peasants that joined along the way. No problem, I take Lithuania.
Next turn ALL the rebels counterattack, a total of 13,326 to be exact The Novgorod and Livonia rebels where mainly Lithuanian Cavalry, which is not good with a 5 star.
Its a brutal battle, with most of my useful troops getting crunched fairly quickly, but one suicide unit does kill the enemy general and they flee. I manage to tramp over to their entry zone and rout most of the troops soon after they come on. Things are looking good until some Mounted Crossbowmen of mine skewer my general while aiming at a unit behind. Gone, everything is gone.
Started my single worst turn ever. I lost another army in Castile, the 2 star general died while chasing routers don't know to what, and another when my 3 star King was killed by Jinettes in Valencia. I lost ~ 4000 men the year after the pic was taken.

Monk
09-05-2003, 00:18
Gather round friends, the Monk has yet another tale of stupidity http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

It was 1221 and the Sicilian Empire had grown mighty and strong, second only in the world to the Mighty English Empire of the northern lands. The King of Sicily, Alexander III put together a crusade towards palestine, it had been a full 100 years since the pope had asked for a crusade to take the Holy lands, and it had just now been assembled.

With a host of 1400 troops of all kinds of peoples, the king set out on domination. The next year his forces landed in Egypt and marched on Cairo with almost little resistance. The crossing into Sinai proved much more difficult, the Crusaders were not acostumed to fighting under the Burning desert sun, yet they found a way to push through the Egyptians and reached Jerusalem in 1224. However Alexander found himself cut off from the rest of his Empire and was soon surrounded and destroyed along with the remander of his army.

His son Aed I would follow his example, as would Alexander IV.

For 20 years Kings and princes battled In the Middle east fighting with the Egyptians, and for 20 years many brave men met their end. The fighting finally stopped in 1247 when the new King of sicily declared all Crusades would be put to an end.

However as his years went by he soon forgot his promise to the people and led a vast force away from his homelands marching toward Egypt. Unfortunatly, he never see the gates of Cairo as he was struck down with disease in 1248 as he entered Africa. With his death, fell the Sicilian empire.

The point is i kinda got a little caught up in crusading... it turned out to be the death of me http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif