The Machiavellian Adventures of Princess Eleanor

[frogbeastegg]

The Machiavellian Adventures of Princess Eleanor.

Tale 1. Kiss it goodbye.

Being the prologue and generally dull bit.

Fulk Fitzwilliam stood at his master’s right as they awaited the arrival of Princess Eleanor. He sighed and shuffled his feet in an attempt to relieve the cramp he was getting in his left foot. They had been stood here for half an hour now, ever since the look out had reported the princess’s carriage and attendants coming into view a mile from the castle. Half an hour It was a long time to stand around waiting in cold weather, even longer when you are wearing heavy chain mail armour and carrying your weapons. Sir Aidney turned slightly and glared at his bodyguard, “Stand still man” he hissed “would you shame us all in front of the princess?”. Fulk muttered an apology and stood to attention once more. He couldn’t understand why Sir Aidney was so bothered about this princess, everyone knew that princess Eleanor was worthless – why else would she be progressing through a backwater nowhere like this? She should have been passing through the great courts and castles of the highest in the land, not visiting a lowly knight’s manor in the King of England’s French holdings. Smiling slightly Fulk reflected that the princess probably didn’t have a choice, as the eighth and last child of the English king there was little left for her to achieve. Her elder brother would assume the crown of England and her many sisters had already married into the greatest families in Christendom. There was no one of a suitable status left to marry this unfortunate daughter without risking charges of inbreeding The poor girls troubles didn’t end there, she was reportedly very plain and dull so she had no hope of marrying on her personal qualities. She was notable in her devotion to religion but that was of little use to a princess searching for a husband, was it? Fulk’s revere was broken by the sound of approaching horses, the princess was here and it was about time

The great carriage rolled to a stop in the manor’s courtyard and Sir Aidney rushed to help the princess alight. It seemed that for once rumour was correct – the girl was very plain indeed being of short stature and possessing no striking features. The reason for the delay soon became apparent. “Forgive me for keeping you waiting Sir Aidney” said the princess in a quiet voice, “I stopped to pray at a small church at the roadside.” While Aidney blustered some sycophantic agreement Fulk decided that the reports were entirely correct – she was damn dull too Sir Aidney was introducing Eleanor to his most important aids, after bland but polite conversations on nothing of import with the reeve and steward it was Fulk’s turn.

“Allow me to introduce my bodyguard and second in command of the army, Fulk Fitzwilliam.” Fulk bowed before murmuring “An honour, your Highness”.
“Your bodyguard? The best bodyguard is faith in Our Lord” intoned the princess piously. Aidney quickly agreed with her and assured her that he trusted in God above all else but the princess cut him off. “However on occasion we must trust to flesh and blood for our safety”, she looked at Fulk “and we are most aware of how fallible this can be.” Aidney paused in mid sentence, unsure of how to respond to this unexpected comment. Fulk was more interested in watching the princess – as she looked at him he had seen….something spark behind her eyes, whatever it was existed only for a second but still it bothered Fulk. There was something not quite right here, and Fulk was determined to find out what.

After a lot of fuss and chaos Eleanor was finally alone in her chambers, allegedly to rest before dinner. This was not quite the case. After quickly checking that all the doors were locked and no one could see in through the windows Eleanor finished dressing for the evenings banquet. She was already wearing her best dress and finery; her maids had helped her don them earlier. The finishing touches were a little…unorthodox by any standards but to Eleanor they were the real highlight of the occasion. Opening a secret compartment in her luggage Eleanor took out a hairpin and gave the top of it a quick twist and pulled the lower half of the pin. The outside of the hairpin came off in her hand, revealing a sharp dagger. Smiling in satisfaction she replaced the casing and put the pin in her hair. Next from the box came a small ring, Eleanor checked the catch on the side of the bulbous decoration before slipping it on the first finger of her right hand. The process was repeated with three more rings. Next out of the box was a little comb, Eleanor delicately tugged at one of the teeth and it separated off from the main body of the comb. The end was shaped like a little barbed dart, the tooth was quickly replaced and the comb went into her belt pouch. Paired with the comb was a small silver flute – that is it until one of the comb’s darts was placed in the end transforming the flute into a blowpipe. The finishing touch was the subtlest; a crucifix necklace that turned into a copy of a throwing star that had found its way into the English court from a far of place with no given name. Eleanor closed the secret compartment and grinned. Now this was being dressed to kill

Cue catchy theme music and the main credits.

Being the actual main feature.

Eleanor stifled a sigh as the sixth course that evening was bought into the main hall and presented to the high table. This dinner was lasting forever and Sir Aidney was not exactly interesting company. Protocol dictated she make some comment on this latest dish and a quick skim through her prepared list “God has blessed your kitchen staff with a most excellent imagination Sir Aidney.”
“Yes, God is good to us all Princess. He has inspired us all that we may do credit to your visit” replied Aidney, his tone had become more and more pious as the evening passed. Once again Eleanor smothered a sigh, that was the problem with this job – to get to the more interesting bit you had to sit through a lot of dullness. Time to go to work. “I have heard tales of a small shrine set up in ancient times by the first Christians in these isles. Is it true that this shrine is here on your lands?”
“Why yes, your Highness it is true. Of course I am a devout man” (oh I doubt that Thought Eleanor) “and I visit it frequently. If your Highness wishes I can take you there tomorrow.” Eleanor allowed a tiny smile to escape – perfect “That would be most pleasant Sir Aidney, a small outing to the shrine without an escort would be most pleasant.” Aidney blinked in surprise. “Without an escort? But your Highness wouldn’t that be dangerous?”
“Dangerous? Why should it be dangerous? Do you not keep control over the bandits in your lands?” Aidney’s eyes bulged slightly, “Of course your Highness I always keep a tight rein on those peasants and brigands There is no lord in the land stricter than I”. Excellent, he has fallen right into it thought Eleanor as she carefully arranged her features into horrified shock and protested, “No lord is stricter than our True Lord, surely you do not claim to be above God?”
“Of…Of course not Lady I misspoke Pray forgive my unseemly language, I am not used to entertaining one as noble as yourself and I admit it puts me on edge. I shall pray for forgiveness tonight….” Eleanor tuned out the rest of Aidney’s rushed speech. Everything was going according to plan. Out of the corner of her eye she noticed that the bodyguard, what was his name again? Fulk? Yes, that was it, Fulk was watching her. He had been keeping a close eye on her all night. Why?

Fulk sat at one of the lower tables, ordinarily he would have been at the high table alongside his master but the princess had claimed the seat of honour and there was no space for a mere bodyguard at the table now. Fulk didn’t mind – his new seat allowed him to watch the princess better. There was still something odd about her underneath all the piety and dullness there was something else, perhaps something….dangerous. Fulk watched as his master fell into a trap and claimed to be above God, shaking his head ever so slightly Fulk wondered if his master would ever learn to watch his tongue. Rolling his eyes at Aidney’s worsening attempts to talk his way out of the mess Fulk reached for another bread roll, as he did so he saw what he had been watching for all day. One of the servants walking past the princess dropped a spoon and with lightning reflexes the princess grabbed it out of the air and gave it back to the servant. Lightning reflexes Fulk nearly choked on his bread roll – something was definitely not right

Eleanor grabbed the falling spoon as easily as anything, a simple reflex she had learned in her training. As she turned around after giving it back to the servant she saw Fulk staring openly at her, he appeared to be having some difficulty swallowing his food. With a flash of realisation Eleanor saw that he suspected her He must have seen her catch the spoon; no ordinary princess had reaction like that. Groaning inside Eleanor hurriedly turned back to her conversation with Sir Aidney. “So that is settled then, tomorrow we shall go to the shrine and pray. As you look after your lands most impressively we shall not require an escort and the impious boots of soldiers shall not trespass upon the sacred ground.” Aidney looked relieved and agreed instantly, once again Eleanor tuned out the conversation.

The next morning Eleanor and Aidney rode out the castles gates and set off to the shrine. Eleanor went over what she had to do in her head, no more mistakes could be allowed The shrine was in the woods, the perfect place for her to kill Aidney without witnesses. When he knelt to prey she would shoot him with a poison comb dart, retrieve the dart after he was dead and stab him in the heart. Then she would scuffle up the earth at the shrine and ride back to the castle at full speed shouting for help. Aidney would be recorded as killed by bandits defending her life – nice, neat and tidy. No one would suspect her; after all everyone knows that princesses do not assassinate treacherous knights for the king.

Fulk crouched in the bushes at the shrine; he had been there for several hours already waiting. He was going to guard his master even when he was ordered not to, he had sworn loyalty and would keep his vow not matter what. Everyone had heard of princess Eleanor but no one had seen a portrait, this…girl could be anyone even an assassin sent to murder Aidney. At last Fulk’s patience was rewarded as the pair rode up and dismounted at the shrine. Aidney rushed to kneel at the shrine; Fulk wrinkled his nose in disgust. His master would do anything for power, he had decided to fool this princess into marrying him – after all royal blood is royal blood no matter how boring or plain it might be. Marriage to a princess would allow Aidney to push for more power, maybe even start a civil war to claim the throne. There The ‘princess’ was pulling a comb to pieces, that had to be some kind of weapon As he watched the girl pulled out a silver flute and placed a small dart from the comb into the end. She started to aim at Aidney’s back. Fulk threw himself forward out of the bushes and shouted “Bandits Bandits My Lord there are reports of bandits operating in this area, I have been searching for you as you may be in great danger”

Eleanor was startled by the man hurtling out of the bushes, and dropped the flute before quickly kicking leaves over it. “What is the meaning of this man” bellowed Aidney; “There have been no bandits ion these parts for years” Fulk bowed and spoke calmly “My Lord a group of bandits have moved into this area hoping to catch the princess as she leaves the area. The plan to ransom her for a large sum of money.”
“Never” gasped Aidney, turning to Eleanor. “Don’t worry your Highness I shall protect you.”
“You are most kind, Sir Aidney. I shall place my faith in you and pray to God that you are protected.” Intoned Eleanor, once again the pious princess. As she spoke she caught the bodyguard’s eye and saw that somehow he had figured her out. He knew she was trying to kill Aidney. This was not part of the plan.
“My Lord we should leave immediately and call out the army. The longer the bandits have to hide themselves the more danger they can present.” Urged Fulk, “We must take the princess back to the castle and place her under a close guard until she leaves.”
“An excellent idea Fulk, your Highness will be quite safe” smarmed Aidney as he bowed at Eleanor once again.
“Thank you for your kindness Sir Aidney, and for your vigilance Mister Fulk.” Eleanor held out her right hand to Aidney, “You may kiss my hand before you leave to battle. I shall report your bravery to my father, the King.” Aidney bowed and kissed the princesses hand. Moments later he began to gargle and clutch his throat. In less than thirty seconds he was dead.

Fulk and Eleanor glared at each other over the body, both moved for their weapons in a heartbeat. “Alright, how did you do it?” demanded Fulk holding his sword warily.
“Poison, on the back of my hand.” replied Eleanor holding her hairpin dagger at the ready; “I suspected you were onto me so I prepared a back up plan.”
“Your voice has changed Who the hell are you? You aren’t the princess, you can’t be” gasped Fulk sounding quite surprised.
“I am the princess Eleanor, the real princess Eleanor. The pious, dull Eleanor is the fake. My father decided he had enough sons to fight and enough daughters to marry; he wanted to try something different with me. I was trained as an assassin and I learned a false personality as a cover – who would suspect” she lapsed back into the familiar pious tones “poor plain princess Eleanor, after all she is so devout and dull no one could be interested in her and she could never do anything interesting.” The voice snapped back to the more animated and sharp tone, “Besides, everyone knows princesses are harmless. I dispose of the disloyal, the corrupt and the insane. I suppose you could call it cleaning house.” As Fulk watched the princess she altered very slightly, the façade falling away to reveal something considerably more dangerous. He knew that she would be as dangerous with that dagger as any men at arms.
“Why did you kill my master?” he demanded, stalling for time while he figured out what to do.
“My father knows all about his embezzlement, his corruption and his treachery. The fool decided to play along with my pious act and dupe me into marrying him, giving him a claim on the throne. Pathetic Why did you serve him, you are obviously a competent bodyguard and you didn’t seem to hold him in much esteem”
“I swore an oath.” replied Fulk, shocked that this girl had spotted his dislike for his master, “I am a man of my word and I swore to follow him till death. I didn’t know what he was back then, I would never had sworn loyalty if I had known the truth.”

Eleanor tilted her head slightly as if curious, “A man of your word? That is rare these days” Fulk nodded in acknowledgement, “Sadly that is true.”
“So what happens now? If this comes to a fight we will probably do serious damage to each other.” Fulk stared at the princess, had he heard a hint of sorrow in her voice?
“How old are you girl?”
“What? What has that got to do with anything?” shouted Eleanor, obviously irritated, “And my title is princess not girl” Fulk grinned despite himself “You are obviously young, Your Royal Highness and generally young people don’t want to die. For that matter neither do wise old men” Eleanor blinked several times, trying to work out if she was being mocked.
“There is an alternative Your Supreme Majesty, I could swear loyalty to you. Your path sounds an interesting one and you will need a loyal guard for those occasions things go wrong.” Fulk was once again serious. Eleanor on the other hand was struggling to keep her composure. “Your Supreme Highness? Just what is that supposed to mean? Anyway I can take care of myself”
“Are you sure oh Rose of a Thousand Years? That is what they call their princesses in a far off land I once heard of. If you end up in another situation like this you may need a brute with a sword.”
“Rose of a Thousand Years? Brute with a sword?” Eleanor couldn’t keep calm anymore and she started laughing. “Fine, the job is yours oh Unworthy One.” Fulk also began laughing.

Several minutes later the pair had put their weapons away and calmed down. Fulk knelt and handed his sword to Eleanor. “I swear to follow you faithfully for the rest of my life, through hell fire if need be.” Eleanor gave him his sword back and replied “And I swear not to walk into hell fire, I would rather not get charred. A girl does have to look after herself, you know.” As they moved to the horses to ride away Fulk replied “Of course Oh Serine One, as long as you do what I say.”
“I am the princess here Sword For Brains” replied Eleanor sweetly.
“Yes but I am the bodyguard Petal Of Silver”
“Not if I decide to poison your wine you Walking Suit of Armour”
“I don’t drink Most Precious Pearl”
“After travelling with me for a week you will”
The bickering continued as they rode into the sunset.

Cue end credits




Thoguht I'd better post this before Word mangles it beyound recognition by deleing select parts and corrupting the save file

I thought it would be interesting do do a story on a princess who is a little more than a marriage token in the MTW world. It certainly isn't historical but it just be histerical There is a heck of a lot of background to go with this and room for many more tales in the future. Only problem is I have this horrible preminition that it may turn into a semi-romance and I don't do romance. I don't read it and I most certainly don't write it

The rest of the Tales are more funny, along the same vein as the last few paragraphs. In some ways this is a medieval spy adventure, there won't be that many assassinations instead there will be scouting missions, spying, careful thievery of important objects and other intrepid missions. With comedy. And stuff.

So worth it? Not worth it? Just shut the heck up already? What is it to be?

BTW: The title is a reference to how Aidney dies. That took some thinking up you know, had to be subtle and vaguely believeable. Then I remembered how these knights are always kissing princesses hands and bingo one cadaver.

[Mount Suribachi]

Hehe, pretty good froggy http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/joker.gif

I look forward to more tales of Eleanor and Fulk. And don't be frightened to have them fall in love - it can still be funny. I imagine them beating the snot out of each other on a regular basis resulting in a bit of the old rough and tumble, as it were. http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/smokin.gif Ahem.

Also, don't be frightened of romance, don't equate love in a story with Mills & Boon. The most tender, touching description of 2 people in love that I have ever read is in Catch 22 of all books (right before that kid gets chopped in half by a low flying plane http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/eek.gif ). I think, done properly it would add a lot to the story - it doesn't have to be all soft focus and soaring music.... http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

BTW, my favourite line

Now this was being dressed to kill

http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/joker.gif http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/joker.gif

[frogbeastegg]

Quote[/b] (Mount Suribachi @ Nov. 11 2003,21:48)]I imagine them beating the snot out of each other on a regular basis resulting in a bit of the old rough and tumble, as it were. http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/smokin.gif Ahem.
Yes, in many ways that is the whole damn problem The characters are too well suited and both of them are screaming very loudly against my original plans. Eleanor keeps poking this image of a crown getting thrown into the ocean as the happy couple sail off into the sunset bikering away. Fulk is nodding vigourously in agreement and poor little froggy is saying no way very loudly

Why do I get the feeling they will get their way? I am outnumbered 2-1 here and the crown tossing is a good image....

NO I don't have a romantic bone in my body, I don't read romance, I don't particularly like romance and I have no interesting in writing a romance of any variety

I'll do another and see what happens. Now I really know what these authors mean when they talk about characters having a life of their own.

The being dressed to kill comment was added to pep up the dull beginning, it also stuck me as rather amusing. I'm quite fond of the little exchange at the end:
“Of course Oh Serine One, as long as you do what I say.”
“I am the princess here Sword For Brains” replied Eleanor sweetly.
“Yes but I am the bodyguard Petal Of Silver”
“Not if I decide to poison your wine you Walking Suit of Armour”
“I don’t drink Most Precious Pearl”
“After travelling with me for a week you will”

[frogbeastegg]

Tale 2. Builds character.

“We will reach the manor house by midday” said Eleanor, “If my messenger bird got through my father and my trainer will be waiting there”
“Won’t someone think the sudden absence of the king is suspicious?” asked Fulk.
“Not really, he has been leaving on sudden ‘hunting trips’ for years now. He just claims to be tired and leaves the kingdom in my eldest brother’s hands for a few days.” The pair rode on in silence for a while before Fulk spoke again. “Alright, what’s bothering you?” Eleanor turned in her saddle and stared at her bodyguard, frowning slightly. “Nothing is bothering me.”
“We have been travelling for several days now and these last few hours you have been sat there as tense as anything. Something is bothering you.” Eleanor’s frown deepened, “Great, if someone with the emotional sensitivity of a squashed frog can tell something is bothering me than it must be incredibly obvious to everyone else So much for all that training on hiding my feelings.”
“Squashed frog? Nice, I must be going soft in my old age”
“If squashed frog is an improvement you must have been worse than a dead cockroach before”
“True” admitted Fulk cheerfully, “What can I say? It’s the company; you princesses have such a refining effect on us common folk. So what’s bothering you?” Eleanor practically growled in annoyance “Let me guess, you are going to keep hassling me until I explain.”
“Something like that.”
“Fine. If you must know I am not exactly looking forward to explaining how my first mission turned into such an abysmal mess”
“Your first mission?” exclaimed Fulk, more than a little surprised. “You said before that you had been on several missions”
“No, I said that I was sent out to spring clean the kingdom. You assumed the rest you rusted relic”
“Remind me to never take anything you say at face value again, oh crowned one. Anyway you killed Aidney, how is that a failure?” Eleanor smiled nastily, “Well the last I checked you were still alive. That does put a tiny damper on the ‘no witnesses’ part.”
“Well…” Eleanor didn’t allow Fulk time to finish, “And then there was the way we just skipped town without going back and telling everyone about the bandits. I also left my dart flute on the murder scene. Don’t forget how I left my escort at the castle; they will still be there now. Oh, and I wasn’t supposed to pick up a tin can man as a bodyguard, especially not one who saw through my disguise”
“That’s quite a list Don’t worry about it you’ll be fine. You’re a one woman argument, no one will dare complain”
“Nice” with that Eleanor kicked her horse into a gallop and took off down the road.

A few hours later they arrived at the manor house, a servant came hurrying out to meet them. “Your Highness, the king and master Trempwick are waiting for you. I was ordered to request you go to them immediately on your arrival.”
“Oh goody” muttered Eleanor under her breath, causing Fulk to start laughing uproariously. The servant glanced at Fulk, “Your….companion will wait in the solar.”
Eleanor handed her horses reins to Fulk and said, “Alright let’s go.” As the princess followed the manservant into the building Fulk asked plaintively “What am I supposed to do with the horses? Where is the solar anyway?”, Eleanor called over her shoulder “Don’t worry, you’ll think of something. Use your brains – it builds character”
“Builds character? What on earth does that mean?”

Some time later Fulk managed to dump the horses onto another servant and found his way to the solar. After waiting for almost an hour he found yet another servant and pestered him for some food which he ate slowly before continuing to wait. Eventually Fulk started to doze in a chair by the fire until the sound of the door awoke him. “At last, I have been sat here for nearly four hours What happened?” Eleanor shut the door before pulling a face, “I’d rather not talk about it.”
“That doesn’t sound too good”
“No, it doesn’t does it?”
“So what happened?”
“You are like a dog with a rat” exclaimed Eleanor, clearly furious “I’ve spent the last four hours being asked question after question, my ears are still ringing form all the assorted shouting and what do I get here? Yet more questions” With that she turned and stormed out of the room.
“Went that well then?” said Fulk quietly to the empty doorway.

It was nearly dark when Fulk finally found Eleanor in one the more unlikely rooms of the manor house. She was throwing copies of her hairpin knife at a variety of targets, hitting most of them in the centre. She didn’t even look up as Fulk walked through the door. “What are you doing here?”
“I am your bodyguard, I will keep following you until you kill me. Even if you do bite my head off”
“Really?” Eleanor turned around and looked at Fulk, “Don’t tempt me, I could skewer you and claim it was an accident.”
“You are too good a shot to kill me by accident” Fulk smiled disarmingly.
“Alright, I could skewer you and claim you were my target.”
“Wouldn’t that raise yet more questions?”
“Are you always going to be this exasperating?” sighed Eleanor as she put down the knives.
“Only when you try to kill me”
“I was only trying to kill you because you are annoying”
“Did I see a small smile there?” asked Fulk beaming encouragingly at the hostile figure in front of him.
“No.”
“Are you sure? I thought I did see a smile, only a small one but definitely a smile.”
“Yes I am sure, now will you shut up and go away?”
“No.” Fulk sat down on a bench against the wall; “Most people make mistakes when they go out on their first mission or battle or whatever. It happens and all you can do is learn from it. I remember my first battle…”
“Oh, joy” Eleanor sat down on the same bench. “Now you are going to bore me with old war stories in a last ditch effort to make me feel better?”
“Yes, now as I was saying my first battle was a small skirmish on the French coast. I was following my father into battle, squire to his knight and all that status stuff.”
“Your father was a knight? But I thought…”
“Yes, he was a knight and a good one at that. He wasn’t rich but he could fight his way out of anything, or at least that’s what I thought. I however am not noble. I was his bastard son so I inherit nothing not even a noble name, I’m just the plain ‘son of William’. He trained me as his squire; good of him really he could have abandoned me to tilling the fields like all the other peasants. He wanted me to be bodyguard and squire for his legitimate son, well when he had one. He didn’t have any more children before he died, anyway that is another story. So there was this small skirmish in France, my father charged the enemy but his horse stumbled and fell breaking it’s leg. I rushed to protect him as a squire should but on the way an arrow hit me. I didn’t reach him in time – he was cut to pieces before my eyes. So there you are, my spectacular failure it makes your small gaff seem much better doesn’t it?”

Eleanor thought for a while before replying. “Not really, someone could connect the clues and track the murder back to the royal family. If word gets out that the king is murdering his nobles the kingdom will slowly fall apart. Anyway you were wounded, what else could you have done?”
“I could have been more careful and not been wounded, I could have been stronger and kept going instead of collapsing like a little girl – er sorry, didn’t mean that last bit.” Eleanor couldn’t stop the smile, “Alright lets call a truce. Your hopeless, I’m hopeless and together we are even more hopeless.”
“Agreed, let’s shake on it.” Fulk offered his hand, after a small hesitation Eleanor took it. “But don’t think this means I like you, you great hulking brute” Fulk grinned, “As you wish oh guiding light, I hate you too.”

“So princess when are we leaving for our next mission?” Eleanor immediately looked miserable again, “There might not be a next mission. This last one was such a mess they can’t decide whether another attempt is worth the risk.”
“What would you do then?”
“I would be sent to a nunnery” Eleanor shuddered, “Everyone knows princess Eleanor is worthless on the marriage market so I would have to go to a nunnery where I would slowly go crazy. That is what princesses do if they don’t marry, well without the crazy bit anyway”
“You could always run away and travel the world, I would rather bodyguard a runaway than a nun All that praying would send me crazy as well”
“I couldn’t do that, I’m a princess I can’t just up and run. Besides I have nowhere to go,” said Eleanor wistfully. “Anyway it isn’t decided yet, they may give me another chance. I have spent most of my life training for this, it will be too costly to give up now.”
“So what do we do in the mean time?”
“Wait and have patience, it builds character. They should have made their minds up by tomorrow morning, the king cannot be absent for too long and master Trempwick needs to get back to his spy network.”

Next morning Eleanor was called to another audience, this time she returned considerably quicker. “We have a mission, we are to go to the abbey of the crusader prayers. The abbot is suspected to be involved in a smuggling ring. We are to find proof and bring it back without anyone suspecting anything. We must not give ourselves away or confront the smugglers ourselves.”
“Well it sounds better than the nunnery anyway” said Fulk, “When do we leave?”
“Immediately so get moving sword slinger”
“As you wish wonder of wonders”

As they rode out of the gates and started down the road to the abbey Eleanor asked, “Will you teach me to use a sword?”
“Why would you want to know that?” replied Fulk, “Didn’t they cover swords in basic training?”
“No, they didn’t think it was suitable. Besides sword fighting builds…”
“Character?” interrupted Fulk. Eleanor grinned,
“I was going to say muscle strength actually bowl cut brains”
“Hey, this is a fashionable hair cut The king himself has his hair like this”
“Yes, but since he is the king no one tells him how stupid it looks”
“I’ll remember that, precious jewel” Eleanor just laughed and kicked her horse into a gallop.





Part 2, aka the interlude before the actual action. The title comes from the fact that this part is supposed to reveal more of the characters and it is also what Eleanor keeps saying. Might get around to explaining why later. Next part gets to be better with more stuff happening and fewer miserable princesses being bothered by annoying bodyguards

Anyway it looks like they win - partly. They get to have a minor romance, nothing major but perhaps they will stop bothering me now All the sparks flying off them were in danger of seeting my house on fire. http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/tongue.gif Just wait for the exploding cart scene, then they'll really start annoying me with their big googoo eyes So there goes the original endings, the princess wants to ruin her life by running off with a commoner when she was supposed to end up as the power behind the throne. Well it's her life and I hope she enjoys the mess she is making of it I am not a happy froggy, in fact I may even be a squashed frog

Oh, I forgot to add that if Fulk wants to spend the rest of his life being called bowl cut brains and other nicities than it's his look out Mind you some people do enjoy that kind of thing.

Not a happy frog

[DemonArchangel]

FROGGY IS AWESOME http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/tongue.gif

[frogbeastegg]

Tale 3. Just call me Abbey(gale)

Eleanor watched her opponent carefully; at the slightest hint of movement she altered her sword to guard against possible attack. Her opponent started to circle slowly around her but she moved to block his attempts to flank her. The attack came from nowhere, a blade scything down and hitting her on the head. “Ooowww Watch it will you” Fulk immediately dropped his wooden sword and rushed over, “Are you alrigOoopph”. As soon as he was in range Eleanor whacked him in the stomach with her wooden sword. “That’ll teach you to be more careful” she crowed, rubbing the rapidly growing lump on her forehead.
“Damn it I was only checking you were all right” groaned Fulk.
“True but you shouldn’t let your guard down like that, if you come rushing over every time I get hurt someone will cut you up into tiny pieces.”
“Ah, so you do care?” Fulk clutched his stomach, “Ugh, I think I’m going to be sick”
“Care? Not likely, you are nothing more than a walking target. I just don’t want to be responsible for your funeral – they are expensive you know”
“I’m beginning to wish I had hit you harder If you weren’t so short your head wouldn’t be such a good target”
“I’m only short because you’re so tall” Eleanor was laughing again.
“I’m only tall because you’re so short” So was Fulk.
“Since they didn’t teach you how to use a sword what were you supposed to do if you got caught? That tiny hairpin knife isn’t much use against armoured targets”
“Quite simple really” Eleanor said before bursting into tears, “Please don’t hurt me They made me do it They were going to kill me” she buried her face in her hands and kept sobbing for a few moments before reverting back to her normal self.
“Nice trick, I’m impressed. It must have come in handy from time to time”
“Oh yes, you’d be surprised what crying can get you out of.” Fulk noticed Eleanor was still rubbing the large bruise on her head, “That looks painful, are you sure you are alright?”
“It does hurt, it is a large bruise and that is what large bruises do – hurt,” she replied tersely, “I’m fine. Surely you don’t think I learned all these handy secret agent skills without getting banged around? Anyway pain is fleeting and it builds character.”
“Builds character, you keep saying that. What does it mean?” Eleanor watched Fulk seriously for a moment. “It is something master Trempwick said all the time, after hearing it for 14 years you do find yourself saying it. It was his version of ‘that which does not kill us makes us stronger’; he liked it because it was shorter and therefore much easier to shout at me all the time. Either that or it was his way of saying ‘yes, stabbing yourself in the leg by accident hurts and is embarrassing but stop complaining already’ I could never quite decide which.”
“Oh, that’s nice” Fulk said automatically, then his mind caught up with his ears “Stabbing yourself in the leg accidentally?”
“Long story” replied Eleanor, “maybe I’ll tell you one day.”

Eleanor reached over to her saddlebags and pulled out a piece of parchment with a map scribbled on it. “We had best being to plan our approach. We need to find out if there are smugglers here and check out any links with the abbey without attracting attention. I suggest disguising ourselves and going to the abbey as potential investors to find out what we can, Princess Eleanor is more of a liability here - who wants to tell all their corrupt little secrets to the royals? Afterwards we can scout out the local landscape and try to spot any smugglers hideouts and add them to our map. Finally if we suspect there may be evidence of this corruption in the abbey we can sneak in at night and steal it. Any questions?”
“How are we going to disguise ourselves, or more accurately what are we going to disguise ourselves as? A refined, polite young lady with a large bruise on her head and a handsome warrior such as myself are bound to attract attention.”
“I have no idea how to disguise the couple you just mentioned. However a certain ordinary young lady and a pig in human form are much easier to plan for.”
“If you say so, oh noble blooded one.”
“I do say so. We shall pretend to be related, you are my uncle and I am your ward because you are the only living relative I have. Since you are such a nasty man you tend to hit me a lot, therefore explaining the bruise.”
“Uncle? I’m too young to be your uncle, I’m only 27”
“This coming from Mr. I don’t know how old I am, we peasants don’t have records of our birthdays. Ha”
“I worked it out because you asked how old I was, my birth was recorded…sort of. I just had to add up all the years.”
“And since your maths skills are none existent you ended up with the wrong number”
“I think the whole parish will sympathise with your poor uncle, you drive him to violence with your razor sharp tongue”
“Since you are only 6 years older than me you’d better be my brother,” Eleanor smiled impishly, “evil brother of course. And anyway from where I’m standing you are still old, almost ancient even” Fulk shook his head in wonder, “You are going to hit that abbey like a gale. I almost feel sorry for them” Eleanor grinned “Abbey….gale, hmm that’ll do for a name. Just call me Abigail. You can be Stephan.”

And so in the middle of the morning two rich looking strangers rode up to the abbey and requested an audience with the abbot. It took just a few short minutes before the abbot, an elderly man with poor eyesight, came hurrying out to meet his guests. “Greetings, welcome to my abbey” he rasped while squinting at the two figures, “I am told you wish to invest in the house of God for the betterment of your souls” The man bowed and replied “This is true good abbot, our family has suffered much misfortune due to my father’s impiety. I would set right his foolish mistakes before hell claims me as well.”
“Spoken like a man who has brushed close to the devil”
“You could say that, my father died before my sister could be married and so I must care for her. It is safe to say that she is….ow” ‘Stephan’ looked down and saw an apple lying at his feet, turning around he saw ‘Abigail’ looking like a perfect picture of concerned innocence. “Brother an apple fell from the tree and hit you, such a coincidence. Perhaps it is a warning to guard your tongue against slander?”
“You mean like that shelf collapsing and hitting you on the head yesterday when you were telling the servants how I was slowly going mad? Such a pity dear sister that your reflexes aren’t as fast as your tongue”
“I must thank you for teaching me everything I know, dear brother. Without your guidance I would surely be a duller person.” The abbot nodded happily at this exchange, “It is good to hear two so close acknowledge the bond and mutual support of family. Such a relationship between brother and sister can only be a blessing.” Eleanor and Fulk exchanged a puzzled look, as they followed the abbot into the building Eleanor whispered to Fulk “Maybe he’s deaf?”
“Must be” Fulk whispered back.

After a tour of the abbey they questioned the abbot and headed back to the clearing where they had set up camp. “What did you think? I don’t think the abbot is involved in anything shifty, he is too old, too deaf and living in a happy world of his own.”
“I can sympathise with the world of his own, wish I had one” replied Fulk
“Get to the point slug brains”
“As you wish oh brightest star in the sky. I agree - the abbot is not likely to be our man. However the abbey did have a little too much gold and fancy stonework to be entirely honest. Did you see that weasel faced prior hiding some paperwork as we went into the scriptorium?”
“Yes, that may be exactly what we are looking for. Why else would he hide it, if they were honest then they have nothing to hide. Did you also notice he was wearing a massive gold ring? So much for vows of poverty.”
“A prior would have the power to arrange for the smugglers to use the abbey, since the abbot himself is rather old I would bet the prior effectively runs the place.”
“Yes,” Eleanor nodded, “I think we can skip the scouting around and go straight to the breaking and entering. If we can find those documents and the abbey’s financial records we should have all the proof we need.”
“So we are going in tonight?”
“Yes. We’ll wait a few hours after darkness falls, this will give the monks time to fall asleep. Then we can sneak in and find those documents. If they are what we need we shall leave immediately, otherwise we search the whole building.”
“How can we hide the theft of the papers? If we just take them the prior will notice their absence and get suspicious.” Eleanor thought for a moment before nodding, “The records are kept in a small outbuilding in the main courtyard. Once we have what we want we can start a small fire and scoot before anyone wakes up.”
“You know I was wrong, you aren’t going to hit this abbey like a gale – gales do less damage”

Hours later Eleanor and Fulk were at the gates of the abbey. Both were wearing dark clothes and had a sword strapped across their backs. Flitting from shadow to shadow they moved over to the west wall. Fulk moved to give Eleanor a leg up but was left behind when she pulled out a grappling hook and scaled the wall on her own. “And there was me hoping to get climbed on by a lovely young lady” muttered Fulk as he caught the rope Eleanor dropped down. As he climbed over the top of the wall he was confronted with a glaring face, “I heard that.”
“I was only joking”
“Then don’t” And with that Eleanor moved silently over to the scriptoriums door. Fulk followed close behind. Reaching into the pouch on her belt Eleanor pulled out a pair of lock picks and set to work while Fulk kept watch. After what felt like an eternity the lock clicked and the door slowly swung open. Fulk stayed at the door while Eleanor crept in and started searching the documents. Eventually she found what she was looking for and crept back to the door, “I’ve found all the evidence we need and started the fire – now lets go” As they moved back towards the wall Fulk suddenly stopped and held up a hand in warning, “There’s someone on the wall”
“Can we sneak past?”
“No. Whoever it is they are stood on our grappling hook”
“What You mean your didn’t hide it?”
“I did hide it – under a loose stone. That walking calamity is stood right on top of said stone” Eleanor crossed her arms and glared at Fulk, “This is why I used to work alone Sao now what do you suggest?”
“You’re asking me? I’m astonished”
“Just because I’m the brains of the outfit doesn’t mean you can’t put in the occasional suggestion from time to time.”
“If you’re the brains what am I?”
“A walking decoy target Anyway you got us into this mess so you get us out”
“I got us in this mess? You’re the brains – you should have planned better”
“I think I really will poison your next drink you….you symbol of male stupidity”
“If you so desire oh model of feminine virtues” Fulk bowed slightly as he spoke.
“What??” Eleanor squeaked, “Just because I’m wearing men’s clothes, and with very good reason I might add….” Fulk clamped his hand over her mouth as the figure on the wall turned around and started looking around in puzzlement. “Be quiet” he hissed, “we can argue later. For now lets go through that side door over there before the whole place burns down around our ears” As the figure on the wall started to walk over to the scriptorium Eleanor and Fulk ducked behind the building and moved quickly over to the side door. Fulk dragged the bolts back and Eleanor shot out the door closely followed by Fulk, he shut the door as soon as he was through. “We can’t lock it again but hopefully they will blame the door porter tomorrow. Now let’s get back to camp and get out of here”

“…and you know very well I can’t go climbing walls in a dress, not only is it dangerous but certain annoying males would try to look up it”
“As if I would, you wound me my beacon of virtue”
“I’m not your anything Barbarian”
“As you wish your supreme….”Fulk stopped in mid sentence, “Our horses, where are our horses?” Eleanor ran over to the clearing and looked around, “There are gone So is all our other stuff, all our clothes, food everything” Fulk moved over to a gnarled tree and dug around under its roots, “At least your assorted gizmos are still here” he said, throwing Eleanor’s cache of hidden weapons over to her. “Great, now what?” asked Eleanor, “our mission is complete but we will have to walk back. Not to mention I can’t change out of these clothes” Fulk grinned as he replied, “What’s wrong with those clothes? I think they look very nice on you” Eleanor flung a rock at him before shouting “They’re men’s clothes That’s what’s wrong How am I supposed to blend in while wearing a black tunic and trousers with a sword slung on my back”
“Well” said Fulk slowly, “if you keep shouting like that….and insult people all the time….and act like a maniac, in short act like you normally do” Fulk ducked as another rock flew overhead, “ I can tell everyone you are crazy and they won’t care a bit” As he saw Eleanor running at him brandishing a large branch he quickly added “or we could travel at night through the forests, no one would see us then”
“Fine.” Replied Eleanor through gritted teeth, “Then let’s move it Hiding in a forest with you is not my idea of fun.” Fulk stood up and together they started walking back towards the king’s hunting lodge. “I knew you wouldn’t cosh me with that big stick” said Fulk smugly, “I think you like me too much to seriously hurt me”
“I wasn’t going to club you, oh fortunate one. I was going to beat the daylights out of you”
“Well, it’s always nice to know how lucky you are in life.”
“Wait a minute You said something about me liking you Not possible, not a chance in hell”
“Ah, come on You haven’t killed me yet despite all the death threats so you must like me, even if it is only a little bit.”
“Never I am a princess you know and princesses don’t like commoners. Anyway I’m just biding my time, waiting for the perfect opportunity”
The bickering continued as they walked into the dawn.




So there you go, the first proper tale in the series. The title is a play on how similar the name Abigail and the wrods abbey gale sound when put together. It is also a referecne to the abbey in the story and to the princesses disguise. This story contains quite few of those little exchanges that make froggy grin, in particular the sword fighting at the beginning, the whole brother/sister/abbot scene, and pretty much all of the last two paragraphs.

I would love to know what the accidentally stabbing yourself in the leg inccident is but sadly Eleanor won't say. Nice, my own creation told be to get lost - she is so rude to poor froggy I would also love to see the rest of the trip home while she is still in her 'thief clothes', it is guaranteed to be chaotic

I never did explain the series title. Machiavellian (as anyone with a dictonary will know) means cunning or decietful and since that is what these adventueres rely on, well work it out http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/tongue.gif

Thanks Demon http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/wave.gif

EDIT: D'oh I forgot to explain the proof of corruption they found. Oh well, have to add it into the beginning of the next tale

[frogbeastegg]

:Sound of tires screaching to a halt:

Right, that's it. Shows over, at least without an ending anyway. I have reached the point where I can't write anymore without some idea of the ending but I can't find an option that works My original idea worked fine but this blasted romance that the characters demanded has killed that off. Now I need to find a new ending which works with this blasted romance while still being blieveable. It would help if I had created these characters rather then them popping into my head self created - I only know what they tell me Lets see, options so far:

-At the end they run off together, the happy couple and all that mushy stuff. Doesn't work. Princesses can't go running off with bodyguards, the royal blood is too important. She would be quietly killed and Fulk would die messily. No matter where they went the network of spies would find them eventually.

-They are allowed to marry and live happily ever after. Doesn't work - again royal blood is too important. Marrying Eleanor would give Fulk a claim on the throne and he is just a peasant (well he gets promoted a little....). Anyway this option would completely end the chance of further tales after the end of this set - niehter of them would leave their children behind to go galevanting off on secret missions. And yes, there would be children after all this is the middle ages and there is no family planning centre...

-Secret relationship ala Anakin and Padme in star wars. Doesn't work, might stay secret for a short time but eventually..well lets just say a child is a big give away Once again they both end up dying in disgrace.

-Both confess their feelings but decide to do nothing. Doesn't work, doesn't fit the characters.

-Both confess their feelings and then die a few secodns later. Doesn't work and is utterly crap They are both telling me that they don't die, I don't particularly want to kill them and it finishes the series with no room to add to it later. Not to mention this is a rubbish cliche (well, worse cliche than the others in the series) and a very bad ending in every way.

So there you are, there is a limit to how far I can bend reality without ending up writing fantasy. This isn't Tamora Pierce's Tortall (from the Song of the Lioness series, damn good author but definitely fantasy) where princesses get to be happy and there are lady knights, magic and all that. They won't make an exception for Eleanor, despite the training and the day job she is nothing more than a pawn in the kings plans - just like her sisiters. She isn't needed to do anything important, if she was they wouldn't put her in harms way. The moment she missteps she is gone - the 'mad' princess who acted without the kings knowledge or permission and died for it. They tollerate her becasue she is useful but she is always going to be 'unnatural and an abomination' (taking the words out of the kings mouth there) to them. They don't care about her happiness or even her survival, they only want the job done wihtout any clues leading back to the king. Actually they were goint to kill her when she was 7 becasue she didn't fit the royal standard, ashe survived becasue Trempwick came up with the idea of using her as an agent. If Eleanor is a throwaway token then Fulk is even more so - he may get a reward for his services (planned for the next tale) but it is minor and worthless to the king. It is the equivolent of giving a dog a bone.

From what they tell me (and they are talking from long after these events, hense the possiblyity of a second series set years after this one) they end up together and happy but they continue the missions and there are no children at all. Fulk wouldn't run off and place himself in danger because he knows what it is like to lose your father on a battlefield. Eleanor would stop placing herself in danger as well, she throws herself into everything wholeheartedly. If she is a secret agent she is just a secret agent, if she is a mother than that is all she is. No compromises or part time parenting. They don't die horribly and they are not hunted down and murdered. How you can get to this outcome is not clear at all, not unless you stray into the happy clappy world of if it makes you happy my dear daughter. You were nothing but a pawn but now I see how much more you are. Be happy And by the way Fulk got newtered in a battle and your infirtile anyway Happy clappy is crap

This series only works when it is in a slight twist of the MTW reality, in the end it is believable because a princess could be used like a spy/assassin if she was given the chance. A bit like the geisha in STW.

So thats it, screaching halt. A shame because I have loads more ideas and these are possibly the best characters I have written but without an ending I cannot move on because the stories need to start to lean towards that ending. So far I have been able to keep it so things could go any way but this next one....I have to have a specific ending or Eleanor and Fulk will have nothing to say after a certain big fight and they need something to say. Can't airbrush over it anymore at that point. After this story there are at least several more before the ending but the start of the end has to come now. The next tale is entitled 'True Worth' because you see Fulk's true worth, how Eleanors true worth was spotted, a reward to suit Fulks true worth, the true worth of Fulks vow, the true worth of the partnership and a load of other stuff to do with true worth I just need an ending for the series, then I can write it.

I'm open to ideas on how this mess can end, if anyone has a good one speak up

[frogbeastegg]

Semi opinion poll time. Again. Why does everything I do end up as a poll at some point or other? Thankfully my PC gets fixed tomorrow so I can at least go back to correctly spelt opinion polls http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

Well after a long slog I have managed to dredge a few extra details out of the characters and found a way to continue the series. However it will mean quite a few changes and I'm not sure if it is worth it.

The series gets a lot darker with things people may not like. They wade through a lot of blood and people are generally squemish about girls getting badly hurt. Eleanor gets more than badly hurt on several occasions. At one point the mission goes badly wrong and she is ported out of a fight severely wounded and unconcious (On the plus side Fulk gets to show off his fighting abilities there, he is more than scary This is actually the next tale...or the new version of it anyway). People don't always like that. Fulk also loses a chunk out of his ear and generally collects a few more scars.

The character emphaisis shifts. Instead of being split fiarly evenly between Fulk and Eleanor the new form focuses much more on Eleanor. Fulk is still important but he becomes more of a supporting character.

The humour becomes less frequent. The story is no longer a comedy, however the humour that survives contrasts well with all the nastier stuff. Sort of. If you like grim.

The series gets longer. I would need to tack on a set of new tales after the proposed ending. She tosses the crown into the sea (or other large body of water http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/tongue.gif ) and declares that for the first time in her life she is free because the world thinks the princess died on the exploding cart. BUT with the new ending in place shortly after the crown tossing they find out the king is dead and civil war has broken out. They have to go back. Cue much blood.

Typical. It took days to weedle this information out of the characters and now I am beginning to wish I hadn't bothered. I had referecnes and characters doing things because that's what fitted the fully formed character that sprung to life with no intervention from me, now I know why they act like that....not good. Readers cannot exactly see most of these...alterations yet, they haven't run into the older versions of the characters like I have. Now I know why they are so tired, angry, happy, different from the younger versions shown off so far.

I'm not entirely sure I want to write this, I could just about tolerate the annoying romance but with these new changes....I don't know. The pair of fully formed characters that sprang into existance are so likeable and detailed but they have so much baggage, so many aspects I don't really like. As I have said many times before I only know what they tell me and now they have spilled the beans my hair is standing on end. It explains such a lot but at the same time it alters so much.

At the same time I am not sure anyone would want to read the new version, I might not want to read it myself.

Go through Tale 2: Builds character and try to answer these questions, I'm curious to see if anyone can work it out.
Why is she so scared to go back after the first mission?
Why is she so touchy about the audience with the king and Trempwick?
Why does she want to leave the castle so quickly?
Why is she so scared of nuns? It is much more than boredom.
Why does she make Fulk stay outside everytime she reports back? Of course you have only seen him wait outside in one tale but he does it all the time. Why? Something to do with a certain oath and no matter how things play out in the audience room he would break her heart. Damn ,that sounds sappy

I can skim over some of it but a lot has to be included, otherwise certain important events won't make any sense. Without the nastyness there are fewer motives to do certain things, some events would make the two seem completely different without the true background. Missing the background would turn betrayal into unintelligable events, justice into murder, careful planing and scheming into nothing.

If people want to read it I suppose I can try to write it. I'm not crazy about this whole idea so if no one asks to see more I shall let this one slide into the Land of Unfinished Work by Froggy. I don't like the idea enough to write it regardless, the original idea yes, the romance...maybe becuase it still had the humour and likeable characters, the new version no.

Just to answer the question in my last post, 'how do they get together' turns out to be suprisingly strait forward when you add in rivers of blood. As Eleanor said When duty requires you to return from the dead you'd better make damn sure you can survive afterwards. Trick some gullible fool into makeing a promise that can mean anything, just make sure that fool is honourable enough to keep it. A life for a life dear brother (she does this scary smile here. It chills the blood if you can see it) a crown for a crown and a future for a future. The whole world believes an angel saved you...and she did, but remember there are also avenging angels brother. Her brother is, of course, the new king after the dust settles. The angel...well you'll see if I continue, if I don't you may be able to work it our yourself.

[Ludens]

So, you've realised:

Writing isn't a job, it's a vocation http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/joker.gif

Anyway, I kind of liked it, and I wonder how you would be able to create a believable end without shipwrecking on the sands of romance (I'll have to work on that metaphor, I admit http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif ). And I've learned a lot of new English ways of insuling.

Keep up the good work,
Ludens

[frogbeastegg]

Tale 4. True worth

After many days of walking Eleanor and Fulk were almost back at the king’s manor house, they were cutting through the small wood to the south to save some time. Suddenly Eleanor stopped and bowed to a tree, “Afternoon master Trempwick” Fulk looked at her as if she had gone crazy, “You think that tree is Trempwick?”
“No, she thinks I am Trempwick,” said a stocky man as he dropped out of the tree. “It is good to see your powers of observation are intact princess, even if you have managed to lose the rest of your possessions. Remember ladies curtsy, not bow.” With that the figure turned and ran off towards the manor house. “Strange man” said Fulk, watching the retreating figure. “Possibly” replied Eleanor, “but if I hadn’t met him I would still be bored out of my wits playing cat and mouse with a bunch of stuffy old men determined to transform me into a proper princess. Or worse. Anyway how am I meant to curtsy when I’m wearing men’s clothes?” Eleanor plucked at the hem of her knee length tunic, “It doesn’t work without some kind of long skirt.”
“The mysteries of clothing and courtly behaviour are far beyond a mere peasant such as myself” said Fulk, looking away from the now distant Trempwick “You never did say how you met Trempwick, or how you ended up as a secret agent.” Fulk put on his best innocent expression before adding; “It is probably an interesting story.”
“Only if you weren’t one of my previous teachers”
“We are still a few minutes away from the manor, it would pass the time” said Fulk evenly.
“Let me guess, you are going to keep pestering me until I tell you?”
“Got it in one.” said Fulk with the air of a happy schoolboy, “I have been practising my annoying questions – I shall ask you every half minute how you met Trempwick and became a spy until you answer”
“You plan on branching out from being a bodyguard to being an interrogator?” Eleanor sighed, “Fine, if you really want to hear about it that much and if it will get me some peace and quiet. Lets see, years ago when I was young-”
“You’re still young now” interrupted Fulk.
“Do you want to hear this or not?” asked Eleanor peevishly, Fulk nodded “Then shut up and quit interrupting As I was saying back when I was younger everyone was determined to turn me into a proper princess. Lets just say I didn’t agree - I wasn’t suited to it. All that curtsying and flattery, being nice and polite to brainless people with fancy titles seems so pointless. The endless dancing nobles are expected to do is even worse, walking as stupidly as possible around in a circle with some drip in a codpiece for several minutes is not fun The idea of marrying some foreign prince I’d never met or ending up in a nunnery was entirely unappealing. I used to go through teachers like other princesses go through gold – the longest any of them lasted was a month. The shortest was just half an hour”
“How did you get rid of them?” asked Fulk.
“Quite simple really, I just tailored my tactics to the individual and annoyed the heck out of them.” Eleanor started to tick off a finger for each tutor named, “Bufflemore, that’s the one who stayed for half an hour, had this stupid cane he waved around. Well he waved it too close to me so I disarmed him and tossed his little stick out of the window He ran off screaming something about a lethal child, I never saw him again. Then there was Sir Chudleton, he was very big on music - that is until I used my flute to fire toothpicks at him Monsieur François was supposed to teach me languages but since he could never find me he quit after a week. The silly man was hopeless – hiding from him was too easy to be challenging Lord Alfreton kept forgetting to turn up for my lessons, possibly because I put sleep-inducing drugs in his food. He got fired.” Fulk whistled in admiration, “quite a list there”
“Yes, and that is only a small part of it. Just imagine how many teachers you can go through in a half a year at an average rate of one per two weeks.” Eleanor grinned, “If I told you about all the others we would be here for hours Anyway to get to the point one day master Trempwick visited the castle to report to the king. I was sat up on one of the roof beams listening to all the interesting business of state. My father was reading the latest report from my current teacher; well actually it was his resignation and request to join the army in Ireland. He said…..” Eleanor stopped talking and her smile died, “he said something like ‘what am I supposed to do with that girl? She is impossible’ and Trempwick said ‘Why don’t you ask her, she is up in the rafters’ Then…” Eleanor stopped again, “To cut a long and dull story short my father became convinced that no one would suspect a princess as a secret agent, making the idea a good one. Trempwick temporarily retired from his job as spymaster, and I decided that this sounded more interesting than the only other choice I had.” Another pause followed before she added in a more cheerful tone, “anyway being taught to sneak around in shadows is much better than sneaking around in shadows to avoid being taught. The rest, as they say, is history.”
“So what about this manor house?”
“It was set up shortly after my training begin, a large royal castle is not the best place to train in secret” They walked along in silence for a while and reached the manor gates before Fulk spoke again, trying to dispel the gloom that had settled on the princess. “So despite all those years of getting rid of people you don’t like you haven’t managed to get rid of me.”
“Only because I haven’t been trying.”
“So you aren’t trying to get rid of me? I knew you liked me.” Fulk opened the door to the entrance hall and waited for Eleanor to go through, but she just stood on the doorstep. “Like you? Not likely” exclaimed Eleanor in a voice that echoed through the entrance hall, “I have been trying to get rid of you, just not trying that hard.”
“See, told you. Anyway you are blushing, that is a bit of a give away”
“I am not blushing” Eleanor quickly pushed past Fulk into the darker manor interior in the hope that the poor lighting would hide her flame red face. She searched for an explanation, “I’m just angry. Either way you phrase it I am either no good or I like you. Well I can assure you that neither option is true armour boy”
“Armour boy? My armour was stolen along with everything else back at that abbey.”
“Well they certainly didn’t steal your wit, charm and intellect – you didn’t have any in the first place”
“Aye, they didn’t steal that dagger you call a tongue either”
“What?” Eleanor stopped walking and choked out, “You….you…..”
“Ahem, your Highness?” interrupted a voice. Eleanor and Fulk looked around to see one of the manor’s servants stood discreetly off to one side. “Is everything alright your Highness? The king and master Trempwick are waiting for you, they will see both of you in an hour’s time. This will give you time to change into something more…” the servant stared at Eleanor’s muddy boots, black hose and tunic before regarding the broad sword strapped to her back with an air of worried horror. “Suitable” he finished diplomatically.
“Both of us?” Eleanor went pale, “You mean Fulk as well?”
“Yes, Your Highness, in one hour’s time. Please excuse me.” With that the servant hurried away to shut the front door. “What’s wrong?” asked Fulk.
“Nothing. Nothing at all, let’s get out of the entrance hall and move to the solar. There are fewer flapping ears there.” The other servants nearby quickly stopped listening and looked busy as the princess glared at them before leaving, being careful to leave mud from her boots on the parts of the floor they had just cleaned. Fulk stopped as he walked past one man and whispered calculatingly, “polishing flagstone flooring with beeswax is not going to do any good” before following Eleanor out of the entrance hall, grinning happily at the sound of the servant dropping his container of wax and muttering about the amount of work he would have to do clearing the mess up and all because of arguing nobles unreasonably expecting servants not to be interested and being a plague on a servants life in general.

Fulk was still looking pleased with himself as he shut the door to the solar behind himself and sat down in a chair next to the fire, stretching his feet out next to the blaze, “Whatever this is you’d better make it quick, I don’t think the king will be happy if we are late.” Eleanor turned away from examining the moth holes in the wall tapestry, “You aren’t going to see the king.” she replied flatly.
“But the smug servant said-.”
“I don’t care what he said – you are not coming with me to see the king”
“Why not?” Fulk sat up and rested his elbows on his knees.
“Why not? Because I order you to stay here and you are my bodyguard so you obey orders”
“But the king orders me to be present, I think you will find a king outranks a princess.”
“Not on this one occasion.”
“I will not stay here just because you order it Your Royal High And Mightiness, I can see no reason why you outrank the king now.”
“I outrank the king because I am calling on your oath to protect me” Eleanor switched to a pleading tone, “Then stay here because I ask it. If you don’t life is suddenly going to get very difficult, for both of us.” Fulk stared at the princess, waiting. After a long moment she sat down in the chair opposite him and started to explain, “I think we are going to need a fast exit. This is the second mission where something has not gone to plan and they are not going to be happy” Eleanor bit her lip, “Not happy at all. I need to you get our things replaced and wait by the gate with a pair of saddled horses. This could mean the difference between my back up plan failing or succeeding.”
“If it is that important, and because you ask it, I will do as you wish. I only hope you can find a good explanation for my absence.”
“Thank you,” Eleanor got up to leave, “If I am going to die I would rather do so on my own terms.”
“Die? Why would anyone die?” asked Fulk, shocked but Eleanor was already gone. Fulk sank back in his chair, “I have got to learn to talk quicker, either that or nail the hem of her dress to the floor so she can’t get away” Fulk chuckled to himself, “Well, when she’s wearing a dress that is”

Nearly two hours later Fulk was stood leaning against the stone doorframe, just inside the manor’s front door. He was humming tunelessly while buffing at a dull spot on his new kettle helmet, until recently it had been home to a bird’s nest, and planning to thoroughly clean and fix the rest of his new armour before wearing it anywhere. There were a few small rips in the padded arming jacket, the segmented coat-of-plates needed new fastenings, the simple plate leg and arm defences were partly rusted, and the chain mail shirt, coif and leggings needed cleaning. The shield required new arm straps before anyone could use it. The manor’s quartermaster had assured him that is was the best available, so either the king was a cheapskate or he didn’t want to waste money on a lowly bodyguard for a princess who most certainly does not do anything interesting at all, ever. If that was true then the king was still a cheapskate Fulk was just glad he still had his own good quality sword. At the sound of slamming doors and hurried footsteps he stood up straight and tucked the helmet under his arm. Eleanor practically flew past him. “We are leaving now, quickly. Yes, quickly is good. In fact running may be slightly better” Fulk followed her outside, “You already are running, Oh Eternally Fragrant Blossom, however your legs are so short it is little more than a brisk walk to everyone else”
“Excellent and annoying as usual, turfwit” Eleanor skidded to a halt by the horses and mounted up, “I take it you managed to get everything?”
“Of course, but what-”
“Good, good. You know what else is a good thing? Leaving. Leaving NOW” Eleanor kicked her horse into a fast canter and Fulk scrambled onto his own horse and caught up.
“Is this the part that involves dying on your own terms?” he asked grimly.
“Dying? Who said anything about dying?”
“You did earlier. You didn’t explain it then so you can enlighten me now.”
“I said no such thing You have been drinking too much again.” Eleanor looked back over her shoulder and saw that the manor house and vanished behind trees. She slowed her horse down to a walk and breathed a sigh of relief. Fulk adjusted his horse’s speed to match. “If no one is going to die why did we leave in such a hurry?”
“Oh that’s simple. I managed, with a lot of work and all my winning charm, to persuade them that losing all our stuff was part of the plan and therefore necessary. They didn’t like it but they went marginally less berserk than they would have if I had told the truth. I was going to neatly brush over that part of the report but they already knew – that is why Trempwick was perched in a tree as we arrived. We must have been seen by one of the many other spies on our way back. We have one more chance; if anything goes wrong this time we are finished. I thought we should leave quickly in case they changed their minds, now we are too far away to be called back easily.”
“I see, “Fulk looked at Eleanor sceptically, “So I am hearing things, we planned to lose all our possessions, and we need to run as if the four horsemen of the apocalypse are after us because you don’t want to be recalled from this mission. I suppose the archangel Gabriel is responsible for that hand shaped bruise that is slowly appearing on your face?”
“Got it in a nutshell, flatnose.”
“Why do I get the feeling you are lying to me?”
“Probably because you are too polite to accuse me of lying outright.” Eleanor replied neutrally.
“Fine. Let’s drop the politeness. What the hell happened?” demanded Fulk, beginning to get angry.
“Absolutely none of your business. Don’t try hassling me until I tell you because I won’t, I am not playing your little game this time.
“How am I supposed to do my job when you won’t tell me what’s happening?” shouted Fulk, “It is damn obvious you needed a bodyguard in that audience room In case you don’t remember I swore to protect you always and I am a man of my word I will not sit around while…”
“Oh shut up” interrupted Eleanor quietly, “All your shouting will scare the horses Use your single brain cell and work out what would happen if you attacked the king Then work out what would happen if you didn’t attack the king. Because you weren’t there you didn’t have to choose between your life and your oath.”
“I see” said Fulk bitterly, “you decided to make my choice for me. You didn’t give me the opportunity to decide for myself whether to step in and die a traitor’s death or to stand by and break my word. You knew this would happen – that is why you made me wait outside”
“Yes, I decided for you and yes, I knew this would happen. Because of that you still have both your head and your honour.” Eleanor glared back at Fulk, her eyes full of misery. “If it makes you feel any better I did it for a purely selfish reason. I didn’t want to find out what your decision would be.” she said, her own tone bitter now.
“The choice would have been an easy one. I would have br…” Fulk replied sourly.
“I don’t want to know” Eleanor interrupted loudly, “I never want to know Either way I would los - never mind. Can we please drop this entire matter and focus on the mission? If even the slightest thing goes wrong this time I will be in a nunnery faster than you can blink – our fates are still linked in that so don’t think you would escape unharmed.” Fulk stared at the princess, she looked so drained, so unhappy that despite himself he felt sorry for her. His anger ebbed away, “Fine. Tell me about this mission.” This is not the end of this, princess he told himself, Not by a long shot.






So endth part 1, this thing is over 13 pages long in word and currently the middle is missing and the ending is skeletal, so I am breaking it up into shorter chunks. And in the beginning of Tale 4 is conclusive proof that Eleanor is not me - she doesn't want to know what Fulk would choose whereas I would (and what the heck does br... mean anyway? Sounds like break, shock horror http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/tongue.gif ). That and her appaling lack of self control, I mean shouting about liking or not liking a man at arms in the middle of an echoing hall next to a load of servants and close to the people you don't want to find out about said liking or not liking man at arms is dumb Gah

Tale 4 is the last time we see that annoying plot device of Fulk asking about her past just so we get details. May it rest in a very deep grave and never return

Amusing note: I found that Abigail, the name she used as an alias in tale 3 means 'my father is joy', when you find out about the king of England I think you will agree that the meaning becomes rather ironic in this case. Eleanor would use that one as a description quite happily if asked about dear old king William. Not bad for random name choosing based on a bad pun.

Now the Christmas toy adverts are over I had the stupid idea for a set of Eleanor action figures. knife throwing Eleanor with spring loaded throwing arm, nighttime sabotage Eleanor with real sword, princess Eleanor with hairpin knife, merchant disguise Eleanor with real velvet dress, Fulk in armour with removeable helmet, Sir Fulk with real heraldric shield, wise craking Fulk with 8 real catchphrases at the touch of a button, 'talkie' king William with real medieval swear words....hm, potental big sellers http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/tongue.gif

Best lines this episode: The endless dancing nobles are expected to do is even worse, walking as stupidly as possible around in a circle with some drip in a codpiece for several minutes is not fun On this the princess and I agree but she puts it so much better than I do.
“Like you? Not likely” famous last words, especially when shouted right next to the room containg a touchy king with a habit of executing princesses who so much as smile at anyone who is not their designated husband, of course in this case their is no designated husband and Fulk certainly is not going to qualify.
“polishing flagstone flooring with beeswax is not going to do any good” now that is mean, Fulk Mean, slightly nasty and so true - froggy like
“I have got to learn to talk quicker, either that or nail the hem of her dress to the floor so she can’t get away” Fulk chuckled to himself, “Well, when she’s wearing a dress that is” interesting idea, nailing her dress to the floor so she can't disappear like this and avoid awkward questions.
“You already are running, Oh Eternally Fragrant Blossom, however your legs are so short it is little more than a brisk walk to everyone else” Ha Fulk really does get some good lines this time.
“Got it in a nutshell, flatnose.” Ha again, but this time because of our fair princess who is never mean (except when she is talking to Fulk, or froggy, or servants or....)

[frogbeastegg]

“Our mission is quite simple,” said Eleanor ironically, “we only need to go to a small fief called Hiddulth and kill the pack of bandits and their leader who have settled there – without anyone finding out who we are and why we are doing this. We will be fighting outnumbered by more than 6-1 and the leader of the bandits, our primary target, is the lord of the fief. The lord is called-“
“Meltone” interrupted Fulk, “that’s right, isn’t it?” Eleanor nodded, “How did you know? Or have you added eavesdropping to your list of skills?”
“Hiddulth was my father’s fief before he was killed. I was born there” answered Fulk shortly, “Even back then Meltone was after the place, wanted to add it to his own fief of Rasbern”
“Then you will know your way around, you will know people who can help”
“No.”
“I see, so you were born there and lived most of your life there and yet you know nothing and no one?”
“Yes.”
“Well that is a great help Thank you so much for your contribution” said Eleanor crossly. Fulk tapped his fingers on his saddlebow before shrugging his shoulders and explaining, “You’d find out eventually so I may as well spare myself the nagging and tell you myself. I haven’t been back there since I followed by father off to war more than eight years ago. I couldn’t go back, especially not when I found the fief was to be given to Meltone. How could I tell my people that I had let their lord die – that I was the reason they were now the property of that bandit.”
“But that wasn’t your fault” Eleanor added quickly, “You were hit by an arrow and couldn’t reach him. He fell in the charge at the start of the skirmish” Fulk shook his head and worked to find a way to explain before clenching his fist and punching his leg, “he charged because of me” Fulk choked out, “he charged because I charged – he was trying to bring me back to our lines I wanted a deed of conspicuous bravery to win my spurs and he died” Fulk sighed and slumped in his saddle, “Charging blindly at the enemy on my own to prove to him I could be a knight. The French cut him to pieces where he fell, but some of our hobilars to reached me in time and carried me back to our lines.”
“Why did you want to be a knight?” Eleanor asked softly, in an attempt to fill the uncomfortable silence. “Why wouldn’t I?” asked Fulk incredulously, “a knight can go on to do anything – a knight can be a general, a hero, a great and powerful man. No door is barred to a knight, he has status enough to marry royalty, to start a civil war, to lead armies, to raise a personal army – anything A peasant is nothing, lives as nothing, does nothing and dies as nothing As a knight I could have inherited, I could have won glory and gained more lands and wealth, I could have been respected – I could have had a name. Sir Fulk Destier.” Eleanor saw the burning hope in Fulk’s eyes and said as kindly as she could, “As a knight you would be the same as you are now.”
“No As a knight I would have a real future”
“Status is never what it appears to be. To every peasant girl a princess is the best thing you can be – riches, nice clothes, a wonderful large castle to live in, the best food, the best of everything, handsome knights writing poems in your honour and jousting with your colours on their arm. All you have to do is marry a prince and live happily ever after, and that is not a problem because all princes are handsome, kind and wonderful, just as all princesses are beautiful and graceful.” The hope in Fulk’s eyes faded and Eleanor continued, “There are degrees of knights and you would be the lowest – a peasant out of place to the nobles and a noble out of place to the peasants. I am sorry but it is true – you are better off as you are now. You are a royal bodyguard, more than most knights are. You are just as skilled at arms as any knight, perhaps more so. You can amass wealth and make a name for yourself – your name would be self made and worth more because of it. You should focus on doing what you can as what you are, not dream of a magic cure all that will not help you even if you do reach it.”
“A foolish child’s dream then” said Fulk, pretending he didn’t care. “One I should have seen through by now.”
“It is less foolish than a young girl who used to believe a knight in shining armour would save her” Fulk looked at Eleanor startled, “Was that you?”
“No it most certainly was not That was my sister Adele” replied an outraged Eleanor, “I was the princess who wanted to be a reasonably rich peasant.”

Several days later Fulk and Eleanor stood on a small hill looking at Hiddulth in the distance. Behind the village was a small stone Norman style keep with a wooden outer wall. Inside the bailey was an assortment of timber and thatch buildings. Light glittered off the helmets and armour of the guards posted about the walls, 3 men in all. The village itself was equally small and from this distance looked deserted with none of the usual hustle and bustle. Smoke could be seen rising from the holes in the thatched roofs so there was definitely someone home. “You see that part stone building on the left of the main road?” asked Fulk, pointing it out. Eleanor nodded. “That is the tavern, we can stay there for a few days while scouting this place out. If things get too dangerous we can leave easily, and it will be harder for people to sneak up on us in a public place.”
“What is that building there?” asked Eleanor, pointing to a large, important looking timber building. “No idea, that one’s new.” Fulk pointed to one of the houses on the edge of the village, “That’s where my friend Wyatt lives…where he lived, he might still be there. We may get some information from him.” Fulk shaded his eyes and looked towards the sun and gestured at a clump of trees, “my old house is behind those trees. We will start there.”
“What is our cover story going to be? It has to tie in with your past so you get the trouble of inventing it for once.”
“Simple enough – I have returned at long last from the wars, still a man at arms but with some decent skills and equipment. I have fixed up all that armour I got back at your manor, it is all in much better condition that I expected but I left it looking faintly rusty and very worn. That will fit the story well; after all jobbing men at arms don’t wear the best in equipment. I have returned home to see my mother before heading out in search of employment with some local lord. That just leaves you. Well you get a choice. The sister thing is not going to work this time, there are two options open that fit my life and I think I know which you will choose.” Fulk regarded the princess for a moment before launching into a hurried explanation as though he expected to be interrupted “You can be either my cousin from Newbury or my wife picked up on my travels.”
“Cousin” said Eleanor at once.
“Somehow I thought you’d say that You are from Newbury, my mother’s brother’s only child. You can keep your name, as no one here knows my cousins name; just say you were named in honour of the princess. Your parents both died of the plague last year so you are travelling with me until you find a new home. Your parents were successful cloth merchants, both wanted you to marry well, explaining the posh accent and wasted skills like reading.”
“There is nothing wrong with my accent”
“Nothing except the fact you sound like an educated noble, Oh Oneness By the way you are now 17, so try to look younger”
“I shall plait a wreath of flowers to adorn my hair and skip down the street like a love sick twit – good enough?” asked Eleanor, both amused and perplexed by the idea, “How exactly am I supposed to look younger?”
“I don’t know I thought you’d have covered that back at spy school or whatever you call it The flowers and skipping would be a nice touch though”
“No, I did pious not young and dim. I shall try to remember what my sisters were like at that age – unlike me they were perfectly dim most of the time.”
“Well I suppose that will have to do then. Just try to blend in – don’t let them see you for what you are” Fulk turned back to the horses and pulled the pair of sacks containing his armour free and put them on the ground. He opened one and pulled out his arming jacket, “I will wear full armour at all times, explained by the fact I have been in the middle of a war for the last few years and don’t feel comfortable without it now. Shame you can’t wear chain mail under that nice dress of yours, I have a feeling this is going to get very rough. Just make sure you keep a good collection of knives at all times, I shall put your sword with my stuff and claim it as my spare – until the fighting begins in which case grab it and get the hell out of the way You don’t have the skill or practise to swordfight yet, especially not against hardened bandits. That’s everything, I’ll arm up and we can go.”
“Not quite everything – you forgot to provide an explanation for this” Eleanor pointed at the now fading hand shaped bruise on her face. “You can tell everyone else the same load of lies you told me” Fulk instantly regretted his words, “Sorry, I-“
“Fine, I shall say it was a lug in armour who lost his brain along with his temper and forgot to hit me where it wouldn’t be seen. That at least is true.” Eleanor picked up Fulk’s helmet from one of the sacks and banged it down onto his head with an echoing clank, “better arm up, walking scrap yard”

Usually a man in armour looking like a knight escorting a young lady through a backwater village would attract a crowd of interested people. In this case it did not. The locals drew back into doorways and averted their eyes as Fulk and Eleanor rode past. Eleanor leaned over and whispered to Fulk, “Is it usually like this?”
“No. I was expecting a bit of a crowd, a man in armour and a rich looking lady are always a source of interest.”
“Perhaps they think we are going to join the bandits? You do look rather dangerous”
“That my Fair Blossom is the idea. I would rather not get stabbed in the back by some goon”
“Good point cousin” Eleanor lowered her voice until it was barely audible, “Fair Blossom? People will get the wrong idea – low profile remember? Incestuous cousins are not low profile” Behind them people were beginning to look out of doorways and stare after them with some interest. Eleanor felt eyes boring into her back so she turned around; everyone immediately averted their eyes and ducked back into the buildings. “I don’t like this – something is more than wrong here. They are more than wary, it is more like….terror.”
“I don’t like it either” replied Fulk, “Lets hurry up and get to my mothers – she can explain what’s going on” They travelled the rest of the way through the village in wary silence, watching every doorway and window for signs of life or danger. A minute later they had cleared the trees and Fulk’s old home was visible – a pile of burned out timber with a few crows flying overhead. “No” breathed Fulk scrambling down off his horse and hurrying over to the wreckage. In the remains of the doorway was a badly rotted head, little more than a skull now. “Oh no It can’t be….it can’t be” he dropped to his knees in front of the skull and staring at its empty eye sockets in stunned horror. Eleanor returned from tying up the horses and showed Fulk a scrap of parchment, “I found this. ‘Witness the end Lord Meltone reserves for all bad debtors’”




No time for the usual comments, nothing much to say either. Very few funny lines and the darker tones really begins to show now, bit more character history that was not appropriote to the nicer version as well.

[Ludens]

Froggy, you asked me some time ago to tell you what I thought of your story, and I fully intended to do so. However, one thing has been keeping me back: the difficulty of criticizing. It is said that it is easier to criticize something than to actually create it. This is true if with criticizing you just mean pointing out what is wrong. But to criticize correctly, stating what is wrong and how to correct it, while not sounding offensive or patronizing, is very hard. This is my attempt. Feel free to criticize it at your leisure http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-wink2.gif.

In the first place: the story has definitely become is a lot darker, and there is a lot more character to Fulk and Eleanor. So you succeeded in what you set out to do. Congratulations http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-smiley2.gif. We now know the motivations of Fulk, and have had a glimpse to the motivations of Eleanor. I hope there will be more interesting revelations in the next part http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-grin.gif.

Other points

Quote[/b] ]And so you hit on the biggest cause for dents in my sword's blade - the lack of anything other than dialogue in most of the tale.
The dialogue is the strong part of the series. Your style is dialogue-driven and because of that, the surroundings are relatively unimportant. It only matters at the time / place shifts.


Quote[/b] ]Several days later Fulk and Eleanor stood on a small hill looking at Hiddulth in the distance.
It matters here, for example. We've just had a conversation which was very important for the tale, and then, suddenly, the story jumps away from it.
In the first part of tale 4 you did the time / place shifts really well. The transition was almost seamless (or whatever the correct English term is). You had the bit about the servants between the outdoor scene and the solar scene, and the point where Fulk is mentally commenting on the quality of the king’s armour. The scenes are separated properly, by some comic parts which are not relevant to the story (what I call loose storylines). Very well done. But then, at the important transition quoted above, and after an important dialogue, there is nothing to separate the scenes.
The usual trick for time / place shifts with stories told by dialogue, is to change the perspective. In this particular story that is not possible. So, in a few, short sentences you need tell exactly what changed and what the effect of this was on the characters. Because in the way it is done now it seems like there was a gap in the hero’s’ lives.

Finally,

Quote[/b] ]“The choice would have been an easy one. I would have br…”

Quote[/b] ](and what the heck does br... mean anyway? Sounds like break, shock horror)
Does it sound like break to you? It does not to me. It sounds more like I am going to set the readers on the wrong track by making them thing I would have broken my oath while in fact I meant something else -kind of trick. In fact, I, like Eleanor, don't want to know what Fulk would have done, either.

As you can see, these are all minor points: things that need just a little polishing. The story really is very good. It has got interesting characters, comedy, and the events of the new tale have made the story a lot more gripping. There is clearly a lot more plot behind it, so I'm looking forward to reading the next episode.
Hopefully you will post it soon.

Ludens

[Ludens]

BTW can I pre-order one of those Fulk-action figures?

[frogbeastegg]

Quote[/b] (Ludens @ Jan. 17 2004,18:53)]Froggy, you asked me some time ago to tell you what I thought of your story, and I fully intended to do so. However, one thing has been keeping me back: the difficulty of criticizing. It is said that it is easier to criticize something than to actually create it. This is true if with criticizing you just mean pointing out what is wrong. But to criticize correctly, stating what is wrong and how to correct it, while not sounding offensive or patronizing, is very hard. This is my attempt. Feel free to criticize it at your leisure http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-wink2.gif.
Yes, been trying my hand at proper useful criticising for someone on another site - someone was actually mad enough to ask me for advice. She actually enjoys getting her story parts back with and they got to the planet how exactly? Fell off a space station, failed to burn up in the atmosphere and magically didn't go splat on impact? Try adding a chunk of debris with them in the middle falling to the planet - she actually likes that and keeps asking me to look at her latest I shall reserve my rather acidic commentary for those who ask for it though. But I like your critiquing, it is just what I needed. Keep it up and you can have the unofficial title of Mead Hall Critic.


Quote[/b] ]In the first place: the story has definitely become is a lot darker, and there is a lot more character to Fulk and Eleanor. So you succeeded in what you set out to do. Congratulations http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-smiley2.gif. We now know the motivations of Fulk, and have had a glimpse to the motivations of Eleanor. I hope there will be more interesting revelations in the next part http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-grin.gif.
Oh yeah, definitely more unpleasant with worse to come. Where's a nauseous smiley when you need one? I don't actually like this tale nearly as much as the others; cruelty to peasants is not me.


Quote[/b] ]Other points

Quote[/b] ]And so you hit on the biggest cause for dents in my sword's blade - the lack of anything other than dialogue in most of the tale.
The dialogue is the strong part of the series. Your style is dialogue-driven and because of that, the surroundings are relatively unimportant. It only matters at the time / place shifts.
Mostly true but I feel there are places where a tiny bit more detail helps, for example in the original festive Eleanor you had this:

“Wait a minute What’s that in your sleeve?” asked Fulk, catching Eleanor’s right wrist and looking in the hidden dagger sheath. He drew out a sprig of mistletoe and held it up, “Mistletoe. Don’t tell me you’re the one who’s been placing this around everywhere?”

Whereas in the unfinished rewrite you have:

Eleanor reached up and brushed away a strand of hair the wind had blown in her eyes. As she did this Fulk noticed a strange shape next to the faint outline of her wrist knife,
“Wait a minute What’s that in your sleeve?” asked Fulk, catching Eleanor’s right wrist and pushing the sleeve up to look at the concealed dagger sheath. There tucked under the strap nearest Eleanor’s wrist was a single sprig of mistletoe. Fulk pulled it loose and held it up, “Mistletoe. Don’t tell me you’re the one who’s been placing this around everywhere?”

Now Fulk is not some kind of mind reader and the whole thing makes a lot more sense. I think. Better? Not better? Still plenty of time before it gets released.



Quote[/b] ]Several days later Fulk and Eleanor stood on a small hill looking at Hiddulth in the distance.

Quote[/b] ]It matters here, for example. We've just had a conversation which was very important for the tale, and then, suddenly, the story jumps away from it.
In the first part of tale 4 you did the time / place shifts really well. The transition was almost seamless (or whatever the correct English term is). You had the bit about the servants between the outdoor scene and the solar scene, and the point where Fulk is mentally commenting on the quality of the king’s armour. The scenes are separated properly, by some comic parts which are not relevant to the story (what I call loose storylines). Very well done. But then, at the important transition quoted above, and after an important dialogue, there is nothing to separate the scenes.
The usual trick for time / place shifts with stories told by dialogue, is to change the perspective. In this particular story that is not possible. So, in a few, short sentences you need tell exactly what changed and what the effect of this was on the characters. Because in the way it is done now it seems like there was a gap in the hero’s’ lives.
Funnily enough that was one of the points I raised a few times in my own critiquing of both my work and the other person's. Now I know better what works and what doesn't, thanks http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif



Quote[/b] ]“The choice would have been an easy one. I would have br…”

Quote[/b] ](and what the heck does br... mean anyway? Sounds like break, shock horror)

Quote[/b] ]Does it sound like break to you? It does not to me. It sounds more like I am going to set the readers on the wrong track by making them thing I would have broken my oath while in fact I meant something else -kind of trick. In fact, I, like Eleanor, don't want to know what Fulk would have done, either.
Sending the readers on the wrong track? Hmm, I could say something there but I shall say nothing on that until the very end of this tale or it will ruin things http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif Actually that was a last minute addition, originally it was I would- with no br- but I thought it tied in neatly with something that is not mentionable just yet. Is it a decoy as you suggest? Is it an early hint of the truth? Is he merely angry and saying that to hurt her? Find out in our next exciting episode http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/tongue.gif Actually I still haven’t decided whether that last minute addition was worth it or not, have to wait for the end of this tale before I can really tell. Gah We have to find out what he would do in the end - it is vital to a very important, nay pivotal scene that has been giving me writers block for weeks now. http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-wall.gif


Quote[/b] ]As you can see, these are all minor points: things that need just a little polishing. The story really is very good. It has got interesting characters, comedy, and the events of the new tale have made the story a lot more gripping. There is clearly a lot more plot behind it, so I'm looking forward to reading the next episode.
Hopefully you will post it soon.

Ludens
Lot more plot? Heck I could write a book on the background alone The only problem is getting enough of it in there to make sense without going right back to when she was 5 and doing a month by month catch-up on her and Fulk. That would be http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-zzz.gif and I am not going to repeat that dull thing where he asks about her past as a neat excuse. From now on the past is raised in context like Fulk's story or not at all. I should just about be able to get enough of it in.....fingers crossed

That was all very useful, thanks a lot http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/bigthumb.gif http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif You can have the action figure for free :hands one over:

When the entire thing is done, right until the ending of this arc (hey the way it ends there is plenty of room for a sequel series which I may or may not do) I plan to go back to the beginning and touch the whole thing up in a new document, incorporating everything I have learned and making it all stick together properly. The original will still be here; the rewrite will just be a word document on my hard drive, as I doubt anyone would want to read the same thing twice.

Just for reference if tale 4 were a 20 chapter book what is available here would only reach chapter 4. There is a heck of a lot left to do, the next post's worth is mostly done but needs tuning, that will take it up to about chapter 5.

EDIT: Rereading all this has revealed an alarming collection of typos

[Ludens]

Quote[/b] (frogbeastegg @ Jan. 17 2004,21:44)]Yes, been trying my hand at proper useful criticising for someone on another site - someone was actually mad enough to ask me for advice. She actually enjoys getting her story parts back with and they got to the planet how exactly? Fell off a space station, failed to burn up in the atmosphere and magically didn't go splat on impact? Try adding a chunk of debris with them in the middle falling to the planet - she actually likes that and keeps asking me to look at her latest I shall reserve my rather acidic commentary for those who ask for it though.
Yes, people seem to prefer negative comments to uncertainty. I suppose this is because those comments tell you that you are at least taken seriously.


Quote[/b] ]But I like your critiquing, it is just what I needed. Keep it up and you can have the unofficial title of Mead Hall Critic.
I am honoured. But I think I shall have to improve my knowledge of real literature http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif .


Quote[/b] ]Sending the readers on the wrong track? Hmm, I could say something there but I shall say nothing on that until the very end of this tale or it will ruin things
What I meant was the effect it had on me. I don't like to guess about what is going to happen. It will all make sense at the end of the story, and until that point, I prefer to compare my feelings and thoughts to those of the characters. But this kind of hints (especially after you stressed it in you end-of-story comments) almost force the reader to start guessing.
Of course, it all depends on what the reader likes, but this seems like the kind of trick second rate detective novels use. There they are used to distract the reader, possibly from the bad writing-skills of the author. Do I need to point out that you don't need to do that? http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif


Quote[/b] ]That was all very useful, thanks a lot
*** Bows ***
Glad to be of service

[frogbeastegg]

Actually I get to thank you twice - for some reason after reading your commentary something clicked and bingo that tricky scene is written and all things considered it is actually quite good, if I do say so myself. http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-shocked.gif Astonishing. I shall send you a full collection of action figures as a thank you present, I will even throw in the matching horses and spare throwing knives.

Don't take any real notice of my after story comments - they are just a collection of favourite lines, digs at bits I don't like and assorted ramblings with no real point. The whole br- line sounds, as you say, like a corny detective novel so I was taking the mickey out of it. The shock horror http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/tongue.gif was meant to be the give away that I was joking. Later on I will be quoting practically 2 pages of stuff and laughing at the cliché ridden mess that actually sounds good...I shall shorten it when I quote it though http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/tongue.gif

This is going to be a story that benefits from multiple readings - each little bit of information revealed at one point links back to another - my manuscripts (all 39 pages) are covered in bold type pointing out that this bit goes back to that bit and this is the beginning of that, how clear any of this is in the story here I can't tell because I already know everything http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif One tiny example is when you first read tale 2 it looks like she is overreacting to Fulk’s questions after the audience, now we know she got clobbered at a later date so just maybe the princess is sporting an interesting collection of bruises she doesn't want to discuss. Time will come when 'br-' gets its day and you will see what he is trying to say. Hopefully at that point you can look at it and see exactly why he said that now and you will understand. If not you can http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-smash.gif the http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/frog.gif If it is any consolation Eleanor is now wondering what br- is supposed to mean so you can compare noted with her.

Now I work on the next part some more - nearly done but Meltone has branched out into pantomime evil sounding things, gah Sounds good when they tell me about the dogs but when I write it does it sound good? Oh no, it sounds like a reject scene from Peter Pan http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-wall.gif

EDIT: I know I was very tired when I wrote this but all the same the typos are shocking

[frogbeastegg]

When Fulk finally stirred himself and looked up from the skull the sun was beginning to set. He got to his feet, stiff from kneeling down for so long. “At last, I was beginning to get worried” Fulk turned and saw Eleanor wrapped in a thick cloak and sat on a wall by the horses, “You’ve been sat there for half the afternoon not moving, just like a statue.”
“Half the afternoon?” Fulk looked back towards the remains of the house, “Half the afternoon” he repeated again in a dream. He shivered in the winter’s cold, before waking up properly, “Half the afternoon? You must be frozen You should have said something”
“Like what? My experience with dead family members goes as far as being told ‘They are dead, forget they ever existed and never mention them again’ I hardly think it suitable, or even necessary to the situation. Non-payment of debts is hardly failure in the game of royal power. ‘I’m sorry’ or ‘how terrible’ just sounds lame – there is not one single thing I could say that would help, there are no words that can do justice to grief.” Fulk pulled his own cloak out of his saddlebags and threw it about his armoured shoulders, “I’m sure you could think of something suitable, ‘move it scrap yard, I’m freezing’ has potential. There is one thing you could say that would cheer me up a bit” preoccupied with deciding what to do next Fulk fumbled with his cloak pin and pricked his thumb, “but you wouldn’t say that and I’m not going to give you a clue”
“Guilty conscience?” inquired Eleanor, “you aren’t usually clumsy just because I am watching you say something stupid and then try to dig your way out. Whatever it is it must be bad if you aren’t even going to hint at it, something you think will really annoy me.”
“Not at all – it’s just a very small thing and quite unimportant” Fulk was still trying to fasten his cloak pin, trying and failing and pricking his thumb again.
“You are a rotten liar” the princess told him benevolently, “and you are supposed to stick the pin through the material and into the fastening, not into your thumb”
“Well we aren’t all born liars like you, Oh Angel of Truth” snapped Fulk as he stabbed his thumb for a third time. “Confound it and curse it to hell” Fulk ripped the cloak off his shoulders and stuffed it back in his saddlebag before mounting his horse, “Come on, we’ll go and see if my old friend is still here. Then we can get some answers and get out of this frozen pit” Eleanor untied and mounted her own horse and followed Fulk down the muddy track back to the main village, thinking to herself, “If you can’t do sympathy distraction works wonders, don’t think about the loss and you don’t notice it as much. The last thing Stephan ever taught me, and the hardest to learn. My poor brother…distraction, I wonder what Fulk wanted to hear? Probably a release from my service But he wouldn’t just leave like that, would he? No, a man of honour and he doesn’t act like he wants to leave…but he nearly said ‘break’…but he could just walk away if he wanted, without saying anything…great, now I need a distraction from my distraction”

They stopped and dismounted outside one of the rundown wood and thatch cottages. Fulk handed his horse’s reigns to Eleanor and hammered on the door, “Is this the house of Wyatt Aelficson?” no answer came, the house was as still as if it was deserted. Fulk hammered again, “I am looking for Wyatt, is he still here?” Again, no response. Fulk looked in through one of the windows and in the gloom inside he could just make out a foot sticking out from the shadows under a table. He pounded on the door again, “I know you’re in there Now answer me – is Wyatt there?” This time the shuffling of footsteps could be heard and the door creaked open enough for a worried face to peer through the crack, “I have nothing master, nothing I already paid my taxes and I have nothing left” the voice was familiar, as were the fear filled eyes, “Wyatt? Is that you?” The man just stared apprehensively at Fulk. Fulk pulled the helmet off his head so the brim didn’t hide the upper half of his face and the peasant switched from fear to shock, “It can’t be” he whispered reverently. Fulk swept the mail coif back onto his shoulders and removed the padded arming cap so the man could see his whole head. “A ghost, you must be a ghost for the man you look like died nigh on 8 years back”
“It is me Wyatt, I’m not a ghost.”
“I’d given up hope,” Wyatt still whispered in awe, as though he were in church before a relic of considerable power, “Now you’re back you must have come to claim-“
“Can we come in?” Fulk interrupted, “it’s cold out here and we’ve been travelling all day” The door was flung open and the peasant turned and waved to a small boy cowering in a corner, “it’s alright, they’re friends. Take their horses to the tavern and look after them.” The boy sped off on his errand and Wyatt gestured to Fulk and Eleanor to come inside. The duo looked around the house; it was as bleak on the inside as on the out. A single wobbly table and two stools made up all the furniture; a single blanket on the floor was probably intended as a bed. On the table was a pair of plain pottery bowls and a pair of wooden cups, not even a simple rush light to provide illumination. A ladder led up to the hayloft above the single room of the house. Wyatt saw them looking as he shut the door and barred it with two heavy bolts and a large wooden bar, “Aye, it’s bad about these parts now. We have nothing left, Meltone taxes us for everything we get and then his bandits come to steal what we don’t have.” hope poured into Wyatt’s voice as he looked at the armour Fulk was wearing, “Sit down, sit down – I may have nothing but I won’t have guests stood up, especially not an old friend who will save us all” Fulk sat on one of the stools and passed the other to Eleanor who perched beside him. “What do you mean ‘save us’?” inquired Fulk uneasily. “You’ve come back and you’re a knight You’re here to claim the fief, aren’t you?” the desperation in Wyatt’s voice was painful to hear. “No” replied Fulk firmly. “No? But you are a knight now…you have to be That armour-“
“Was looted from a corpse on a French battlefield” interjected Fulk, “I am not here to claim anything – I cannot claim anything because I am more of a nothing than when I left” Wyatt collapsed onto the sheet bed in numb shock, “But...”
“I am not a knight,” repeated Fulk. “You said your father was going to put you forward for a knighthood,” whispered Wyatt hoarsely, “you said he would put you forward and then you would inherit”
“I was wrong.” Fulk’s eyes hardened, “He never intended to recommend me, I was never to be anything more than I was. He died before I could change his mind.” Wyatt buried his face in his hands, “Then we’re doomed Meltone will continue to bleed us dry and his thugs will kill us for sport until there is no one left” They sat in an uncomfortable silence until Fulk asked, “What happened to my mother?” Wyatt looked up; “So you saw” Fulk nodded fighting to contain his anger at the memory of the rotting skull on its spike. “She refused to pay her taxes” Wyatt chose his words carefully, “when we heard you and Lord William were dead she slowly faded away, she lost her desire to live. This year we had a bad harvest, we already had no stores and the little we scrapped from the land was all we had. We knew Meltone would take his usual share and leave us with nothing so we decided to elect someone to speak up on our behalf and ask for a reduction in taxes. She volunteered, she-”
“You let her go” bellowed Fulk, “you let an old woman go and tell a bandit lord to stuff his taxes?” Wyatt cowered back from his friend’s fury, “She wanted to go We couldn’t talk her out of it You have to believe me”
“You let her die” Fulk leapt to his feet knocking his stool over, “She cared for you when you were nothing more than a snivelling boy She-” Eleanor rose and put her hand on Fulk’s arm, “Calm down or the whole fief will think you are looking for revenge No one is loud enough to bring back the dead but if you keep shouting like that we will be able to pay them a visit very soon” Fulk battled for control for a moment before nodding curtly and picking up his stool and sitting down again. “We all lost someone” Wyatt said soothingly. “She took you in when you were an orphan and you abandoned her” Fulk accused, his rage under control. “She chose, she said if she was successful we would all be happy, if she failed then she would join those she loved in death. She died better than many have here – she was cut down quickly. She wasn’t hunted like an animal or burned alive or hung from a tree to choke her life out like so many others.”
“Hunted?” asked Eleanor, not wanting to know but needing to ask. “Yes hunted like an animal.” Wyatt stared at the ragged hem of his tunic and started playing with the loose threads as though to distract his mind from what he was saying, “Meltone has dogs trained to hunt down fleeing people – he uses them to stop those he robs on the road from getting away. He trains them on us. When the dogs catch their prey – and they always do as none of us are strong enough to run far” tears welled up in Wyatt’s eyes, “when the dogs catch their prey they tear them to pieces as Meltone watches”
“Who was it you lost?” even as she asked Eleanor suspected part of the answer. “My wife” Wyatt replied bleakly, “my wife and my unborn child.” Tears poured unnoticed down his gaunt cheeks.

Fulk stared at his old friend, “so you married Cicely then?” Wyatt nodded, “you were right – we were happy. We married a few months after you left, had one son a year later, by the way I named him for you”
“Me? Why?”
“Why not? Wyatt shrugged, cheering up slightly as he remembered happier times. “Cicely said he shouldn’t be named after a fool but I insisted – who else would I name my son for if not my almost brother. No point in naming him for my father – I hate the name Aelfric” Wyatt looked at Eleanor, “I see you married yourself?”
“No” Eleanor protested rapidly, “I’m his cousin from Newbury My parents died and Fulk is the only family I have left so I get dragged up and down the country as he tries – and fails, to find work.”
“See why I stayed single?”
“Cicely always said you were a fool for that, she always said you were a fool no matter what you did and I never understood why” Wyatt winked at Fulk, “you know at one point I thought you’d be the prefect couple”
“No.” replied Fulk shortly. “Oh do tell cousin, this sounds most interesting” prodded Eleanor sounding dangerously innocent. “Now see what you’ve done?” Fulk glared at Wyatt, “she’ll be pestering me for days now” Fulk heaved a great sigh and propped his head on his fist doing his best to look resigned to an unpleasant fate. His act didn’t put Eleanor off hers, “so what about this Cicely then?” she asked as innocently as possible. Fulk heaved another great sigh; “she liked my broken nose, if you must know. Said it looked dashing.”
“And I suppose you practised all those speeches about word of honour and all that on her?” Eleanor was becoming more and more innocent sounding as the questions went on. Fulk had a sinking feeling, he turned to Wyatt and asked in his best wounded voice “why did you do this to me old friend? You call me almost brother and then unleash this on me” Wyatt just grinned. “I wonder if you did the other half of your speech when you were so young? The part where you moan about not being able to keep your word when you probably never intended to?” innocence dripped off Eleanor’s every word and her happy smile could have melted anyone’s heart but for some reason Fulk felt like he was on melting ice. “No” he replied firmly, “I did no speeches and I never intend to break my word and you know that “
“Oh yes, we all know that” Eleanor cheerfully admitted, “I should imagine the whole world knows that” Fulk could feel that ice turning to slush under his feet. “I didn’t even like her” he protested, “She thought I looked good in armour so she followed me everywhere She finally got the hint and left me alone when I said that if she were ever captured by an evil knight I would pay the knight a ransom to keep her” Wyatt laughed, “So that’s why you always took off if she appeared You never were much good with words - a good thing since your loss was my gain” before Fulk could say anything the boy returned, knocking on the door and calling that their rooms at the inn were ready. Wyatt unlocked the door and introduced his son, “This is Fulk” the boy looked at them shyly, “and this is the man you were named after, the friend I told you about. The lady is his cousin” young Fulk mumbled a hello, then Eleanor and Fulk left for the inn.

It was nearly empty inside, unsurprising given the gloomy state of the village. Pleading tiredness they went straight upstairs to their rooms. “Tonight a scout around. See you outside in two hours, wear black and lose the noisy armour” whispered Eleanor as she opened the door to her room. “Fine, see you then” Fulk hesitated, “look about my oath-“
“Shut up” interrupted Eleanor, slamming the door in his face. Fulk stared at the door rather shocked, before blinking a few times and before stomping off to his own room. “Well at least Cicely, plague on my existence that she was, let me finish what I was saying” he muttered to himself as he kicked his door shut, “she never listened but I did get to finish”





Ah well if I try to pick out bits I don't like from that I will literally have half the post copied down here - I hate this bit and after days of work improving it I still hate it Gah, when good ideas go bad. It does have a few redeeming bits but all in all what a carve up. Small examples as I lampoon the bits that have given me grief for hours:

“Like what? My experience with dead family members goes as far as being told ‘They are dead, forget they ever existed and never mention them again’ I hardly think it suitable, or even necessary to the situation. Non-payment of debts is hardly failure in the game of royal power. ‘I’m sorry’ or ‘how terrible’ just sounds lame Weee It sounds like I don't care at all I actually don't know what to say I know I'll add a bit about not having words to the end and hope that makes up for basically saying 'your mother is a nothing, and totally unimportant to me' before

There is one thing you could say that would cheer me up a bit” preoccupied with deciding what to do next Fulk fumbled with his cloak pin and pricked his thumb, “but you wouldn’t say that and I’m not going to give you a clue” Hello, my name is Fulk and I am trying to sound suspicious. I have left luggage unattended at the airport, and I wear a brown trench coat and sunglasses regardless of the lighting conditions and weather. Or as I say: Could he sound any guiltier if he tried? http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-disguise.gif

The last thing Stephan ever taught me, and the hardest to learn. My poor brotherOh woopedo, more background with no explanation. For those who want to know now rather than later Stephan was her eldest brother, he died when she was nearly 5 and he was 14. He was the heir, shaping up to be a good warrior, good acumen etc, basically what you are looking for in an heir - until he fell off his horse and broke his leg. It didn't heal well and he was left with a limp so he was no longer able to fight properly. Therefore dear old king Will arranged for him to go swimming permanently and the message was sent around the family Stephan is dead, he will not be mentioned again. Forget him, same deal with a couple of other family members. Background that is sorted out later in a more relevant place - I am sure no one wants to see her thinking that long explanation in the middle of the bit I quoted This is actual serious background, not a joke like most of the other comments.

great, now I need a distraction from my distraction” funny.

“A ghost, you must be a ghost for the man you look like died nigh on 8 years back” You may be interested to know that Wyatt the peasant and his amusing collection of posh sounding sound bites is available to hire for weddings, birthdays, parties and many other occasions. He spends hours practising speaking so he can sound like a bad Shakespeare rewrite. Pity him.

“It is me Wyatt, I’m not a ghost.” I never knew that Did you know that boys and girls? http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-clown.gif

Wyatt still whispered in awe, as though he were in church before a relic of considerable power and that is how I got inspiration for the Holy Hope © Fulk figurine

“You let her die” Fulk leapt to his feet knocking his stool over, “She cared for you when you were nothing more than a snivelling boy Fulk forgot to take his Prozac and he is experiencing mood swings ~:P Ok so he is upset and a tad angry and limbered with a princess who won't listen to a word he says but jumping up and down while shouting??

She wasn’t hunted like an animal or burned alive or hung from a tree to choke her life out like so many others.” Meltone the bandit also has a curly moustache that he twirls on his finger, a monocle and a top hat. He probably kidnaps young ladies and ties them to railways. In case you don't get the reference this is a classic black and white movie villain. Boo Hiss Now why is it something sounds good until you write it down? See the dogs are a sensible idea, chasing people so they don't get away when you rob them and all that. Training said dogs on peasants is good because no one misses them and you get to pick all kinds of people, young old male female so the dogs will chase anything. Now someone please tell me why it sounds crap no matter how I write it?

“Oh do tell cousin, this sounds most interesting” prodded Eleanor sounding dangerously innocent She can do a nasty line in innocent sounding questions - think of those young children who stand on a crowded bus and ask in a very loud voice daddy what's a condom? so everyone hears and turns to look. Now imagine that in the hands of a 19 year old princess with an intend to make life awkward for a certain man at arms http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/ht_scared.gif

“No” he replied firmly, “I did no speeches and I never intend to break my word and you know that “ I also sound very fake during this speech, sorry about that oh sands of the ages no I am not saying that what he is saying is a lie - I am just saying he sounds very insincere.

“I didn’t even like her” he protested This scene says to me:
Fulk: “please excuse me while I slander your wife Wyatt, after all I hated her and dumped her on you because I thought you’d be happy with someone who always liked me more”
Wyatt: “No problem Fulk, I really liked her and we were happy until she became doggy chow but this sounds like fun”
Eleanor: “Please excuse me while I act like a spoiled brat – I am a princess after all”
Ick

that if she were ever captured by an evil knight I would pay the knight a ransom to keep her very funny Fulk http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

The lady is his cousin” young Fulk mumbled a hello, then Eleanor and Fulk left for the inn. what can I say? Seeing young children waving shyly makes them both feel sick so they were running away before they lost their lunch Alternatively every way I tried to write this bit that did not involve them running out the door sounded even worse. Bah humbug

4.5 pages of story, 2 pages of comments. I don't like this bit; I only posted it because I am sick of working on it and getting no where - it does the job well enough I guess. This bit was progressing well but the ending was stuck until I got inspiration for the ending (aka ‘the window scene') and then the ending got written well and this bit died. Yes, I am writing the end of this take at the same time as the beginning. That would be because the ending of this one is critically important and has to be just so or it won't work at all.

EDIT: You guessed it – more typos

[frogbeastegg]

Royal family tree

The story starts in the early autumn of 1337. I would have included this right at the start if I had know it was going to get so complicated better late than never, I may knock up a dramatis personae as well.

King William VI 1281 - ????
A great warrior, authoritarian, cunning statesman, expert general, tyrant, and in possession of a murderous temper. The sole survivor of 5 brothers – that is how he got the throne. How innocent the deaths of his brothers were is a mystery, it is believed the old king (William V) preferred his younger son and so disposed of the rest as unsuitable. The king was wounded in battle just 3 and a bit years ago, shot in the thigh by a French crossbow and the wound has left him with a limp and difficulty fighting on foot. This has only increased his already notorious temper. It is also ironic because he killed his first-born son for a similar defect. He does not tolerate mistakes of any kind – if he sends you to do something you had better do it perfectly or die trying, even a slight slip up could get you killed on returning home to report. If he says “conquer Ireland in a week” than you had better find a way to conquer Ireland in a week or you will die in a creative way as he screams and shouts while battering you with his walking stick, and then tries to stab you with his sword or shoot you with the longbow he keeps next to the throne. Wise souls run for it as he starts to go for his weapons – they usually survive...just.

Queen Mary 1292 – 1326
A English noble who married the king. Died of a stomach upset and it was probably just co-incidence that the king had a chance to marry an Aragonese princess and create an alliance to finish the French off once and for all at the time she died. The Aragonese princess went to the Italian Doge instead.

Stephan 1309 – 1323
Famously brave, a natural born killer, a quick learner and also very dead. He was the favourite heir until he took a fall from his horse and broke his leg, the bone healed wrong and Stephan was left with a limp. He was no longer the up and coming warrior he used to be and so he went swimming one day and never returned. The official line is that he got entangled in some weeds and there was no one to help him.

Hugh 1311 - ????
A charismatic leader, gentle knight, quick learner, and a great warrior – Hugh is the best candidate to be the new heir. Before he was always in Stephan’s shadow but with his tragic and untimely death Hugh has begun to shine. He lacks the killer’s instinct and this is a great disappointment to the king.

Matilda 1313 - ????
In the Holy Roman Empire, married to the Emperor.

John 1314 - ????
A true scholarly prince, John is clever with words, a deep thinker, but his head is in the clouds half of the time. He is merely competent as a warrior and barely passable as a general and leader. He trains for war because that is what men of his class do, the rest of the time he is pouring over books or debating with his friends.

Rowena 1315 - ????
In Denmark.

Adele 1317 – 1334
Was married to the king of Spain until she took a liking to one of the court’s knights. Always a firm believer in those tales of heroic knights and blushing damsels Adele and her knight were foolish enough to be caught in the midst of a courtly romance, all those poems they wrote only served as evidence to convict them. Adele was returned to England in disgrace and deposited in a small, remote nunnery where she accidentally got her rosary wrapped around her throat and choked to death. She always believed her knight would come to save her, after all that is what happened in the stories and she didn’t know he was dead. Because the nunnery was so remote few even knew she was there, let alone heard of her death. This includes most of her family. The knight was tortured to death in the king of Spain’s dungeons.

Eleanor 1318 - ????
The oddball of the family, and perhaps the most sensible one in this band of crazy people Originally slated for an unfortunate accident because she was surplus to requirements and highly annoying to the king, Eleanor got a reprieve when it was suggested she become an agent. The nearly 6 year old princess was banished from court and spend the next 14 years training in an assortment of skills including knife throwing, dagger fighting, poisons and drugs, stealth, reading, writing, codes, horse riding, a cover personality of a dull and pious princess, some slight disguise skills, and a large collection of other things she picked up on her own. Tends to attract the king’s wrath because she is the only family member to have the misfortune to see him regularly, also tends to fall foul of his nearly impossibly high expectations for agents.

[Louis de la Ferte Ste Colombe]

Hum....


I'll keep what I think for myself... http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/tongue.gif


http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-juggle.gif


OK, maybe not, I got a pretty hard time getting in the Wyatt-Fulk-Eleanor conversation, more specifically the Eleanor part...


Louis,

[frogbeastegg]

Quote[/b] (Louis de la Ferte Ste Colombe @ Jan. 25 2004,12:56)]OK, maybe not, I got a pretty hard time getting in the Wyatt-Fulk-Eleanor conversation, more specifically the Eleanor part...
Is that 'getting it' as in following the conversation or 'getting it' as in understanding what they are rambling on about?

[Louis de la Ferte Ste Colombe]

It's not getting it, it's getting in

Eleanore asking question about Cicely at this point seems strange... In front of Wyatt... And anfter her death? Would she really do that? I would have believed that she would question Fulk about it later, but the way it's brought seems a little odd.

Louis,

[frogbeastegg]

Well it is one of those scenes they tell me happened but I don't understand very well myself, contrary to popular myth about people and their characters neither of this insane duo are me in any form Eleanor is not a Mary Sue, neither is Fulk and that leaves me guessing at their motivations some of the time. If it were my choice I would leave that bit out - less trouble and less confusing but when I tried that the characters start yelling at me and the whole thing collapses into nonsense.

I assume she is asking now because he can't wiggle out of answering, it is also harder for him to lie because his friend will contradict him (maybe). As for why she is asking in the first place, well she thinks Fulk is would break his oath and happily watch her get battered (but if he stepped in to help she would be equally irritated because she still loses him...problem is she is seeing everything in black and white obvious, not thinking about other possibilities - doesn't have to be limited to just those two options) so she is a tad upset. She won't get rid of him because she doesn't want to lose him, she won't ask or listen to what he is trying to say because she thinks it is a goodbye speech and if he can't finish the speech then he can't leave (stupid logic), and she can't ignore the bit he has said already that sounds like he would break his oath. That leaves her (she thinks, there are many other options but she is rather uncreative at times http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/tongue.gif ) with just one thing to do - annoy him She doesn't care about Cicely in the slightest, but asking about her makes Fulk rather uncomfortable and then they are equal. She will probably never mention this again.

EDIT: I am beginning to suspect these typos were caused by me typing with my eyes shut Half of this didn’t even make sense

[frogbeastegg]

This one’s special everybody – I get to kill an idea Every single person who has read this story and knows my email address has at some point sent me an email which boils down to ‘you=Eleanor, right?’ to which the answer is an extremely loud NO I have said many times she is not me, none of my characters are but still people get the wrong idea. Two of them have even seen the manuscripts covered in notes like “why is she doing this? Don’t understand her reasoning, ask her” and other things that make it clear she is not me, nor is she acting like me. So today I am going to take that idea apart yet again and hopefully burry it for good, both here in this topic and by email to those who subscribe to the series because they don’t visit these forums. I would post a section of the story redone with her acting like me but I don’t think anyone would believe the character was me in that case, oh the irony I say this simply because of the large difference between ‘froggy’ and the real world me. I could post a long list of differences and reasons why she doesn’t act like me but that would be dull, I’ll try and keep this as short and to the point as possible.

Basically we are as alike as two completely dissimilar things – she is short and I am tall, she has jet-black hair and I am dark blonde, she is a lot more vocal than me, more trusting than me and much less self controlled than I am. She does plenty of things I consider stupid and she accuses me of being a killjoy And so on and so forth. There are some things we agree on (dancing for instance) but any two people chosen at random on this planet will have at least a handful of things in common. Is she what I want to be then? Heck no I always hated princesses and if I were going to mary sue myself up (create a character based on myself and write stories about myself being fantastic) I’d be a lady knight instead. Besides what is there about her life that is desirable? Having a lot of murdered relatives? A violent father? Being a murderer? Why on earth would I want to write myself getting hit, sliced, diced, stabbed, taking falls and heaven knows what else? What possible enjoyment could I get from that? I'd have to be some kind of sadomasochisting wierdo to feel anything other than sick writing myself nearly dying. And don’t get me started on her taste in men – Fulk is an annoying annoyance and I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could throw him And no that is not spoiler stuff nor a hint at what happens, just a reference to how quickly he ditched his former master in favour of princess sweetness and light. Not exactly loyal was it?

I find the idea of writing myself into a story as anything other than a comedy cameo utterly arrogant; basing a story around myself…well I’d need an ego bigger than a planet. If I appear in a story I have written it is in frog form and utterly unimportant – I was the frog that got hit by mistletoe in the Christmas special, that’s about as important as I’ll ever make myself. I was only in that story because it is one of the unwritten laws of Christmas specials that the writer has to appear at some point.

As I told the person who was carefully inquiring if she was me before accusing her of being a brat start, criticising her and I’ll join in with my own long list of complaints Lets see how’s about lacking self-control? A brat when she was 5 and quite possibly one still? Too quiet when she needs to talk and to talky when she needs to be quiet? Too free with information but not when it is needed most? Careless when it comes to hiding her stupid, life endangering feelings for Fulk? Too often ruled by her heart instead of her head? Highly uncreative at making excuses? Too linear in her thinking sometimes? She has her good points, and lots of them. As I have said many times she is a character who created herself, closely followed by Fulk, and then her world and now insists on following me around in the back of my mind. No joke when I say things like “she says” or “she calls me” or “ask her”. Sign of insanity that – hearing and seeing people in the back of your mind http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/tongue.gif Any idea how annoying it is to write “I hope they end up miserable together” only to hear her amused voice saying back “no you don’t tadpole, you know we will be happy and you are only making such a fuss out of habit” grrrr I am making a ‘fuss’ because I liked the original story better, much less gloomy and much easier to write without all the fighting, dying and kissing http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/tongue.gif I can understand why hearing voices results in madness

And just in case anyone gets a bright idea no I am not Fulk either All this stuff I just said applies to him too, just everyone thinks of me as Eleanor. Probably because she is female. That and in many ways this is her story, especially now it is the serious version and people usually do themselves into the main character.

Right now I’ve killed that idea off I’ll get back to writing the story…trying not to alter 5 year old Eleanor’s speech into something less annoying. Seeing her shuffling her feet and mumbling “not allowed to, s’not ladylike” and other such comments maker her embarrassed, me nauseated and Fulk roll around laughing. Mind you the insult she thinks up after she gives up on being ladylike isn’t that outstanding either – scumble glazed mongoose? Some poor animal has been dipped in liquid clay

Maybe now I'll be able to read my email in peace, don't mind debating Eleanor's brat status (no she isn't...well not that much, not now anyway...debate ongoing) or explaining why she can keep insulting Fulk after they 'get together' (because of the way she says it Armour wearing twit can sound quite nice really if you just say it like she does, debate ended) or whatever you want to call it. I do mind getting asked why I said this or did that, or being told I'm cute because I blush in the window scene, or even worse that it's nice to see me get together with Fulk because we make a perfect couple http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-shocked.gif http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-inquisitive.gif Strangely enough no one ever asks about the other characters, it's always just Eleanor...


:looks up at post: Well I suppose that was short for me http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/tongue.gif

[frogbeastegg]

And now back on with the story.



Eleanor dropped out of the first floor window and landed almost silently in the shadows. “A young damsel sneaking out to meet her true love?” inquired a voice nearby, “Yes – I’ll let you know if I find him” shot back Eleanor. “Ouch” Fulk stepped out the shadows clutching his heart “you got me”
“All too easy. We will start on the north road and work our way around from there. Did you bring my sword?”
“No, why would I? You can’t use it very well so you won’t need it”
“Well I did think it would be useful if anyone ever tried to kill me, you know just standing there waiting for rescue as a blade skims at you is not much fun. Trying to hit them back with my own sword is much better than just waiting for you to decide to do something”
“Well you do have those two knives you are wearing concealed on your arms, so I don’t think a sword’s necessary”
“I am not very good at taking down armoured, sword waving goons with a pair of tiny knives that are half intended for throwing anyway. Only an idiot would think he was in danger, that is why I carry a sword I can’t use in the first place – look dangerous and you avoid fighting in the first place.” Fulk did not look amused; after all he was an ‘idiot’ who had mistaken her knife for a danger back when they first met. “We are going for a quiet sneak around, not a full scale battle”
“A good agent is always prepared for any eventuality.” quoted Eleanor, “Always assume the worst, if you die because of something stupid like leaving your weapons at home I’ll bring you back to life with the dread arts of alchemy and then kill you again myself Trempwick, jovial personality and the wisdom thereof.”
“What?”
“He has a large collection of fake personalities, that was him doing jovial. Now if he was doing mean he would say ‘forget your weapons, get killed and stop blighting my existence and preferably do it soon’ instead.” Eleanor looked up at the moon, “Forget this, we don’t have time. We have got a lot to do and I would like to get some sleep tonight. If I get killed I will blame it on you and I shall sit on my cloud in heaven showering rain on you until you die of pneumonia” Together they started walking through the shadows towards the northern road. “Now what makes you think you’ll end up in heaven Oh Great and Wonderful One?” Eleanor stopped, raised her chin slightly and struck a pose of royal outrage, “With my winning personality, sparkling wit, gentle kindness, modesty, and all-round outstanding attitude how could I not?” Fulk was not at all impressed, “You know you’re too short to do that pose, don’t you?” Eleanor stuck her tongue out at him, “That would be why I never do overbearing princess” They started walking again, “You know” Fulk mused, “I reckon you stand a reasonable chance of getting into heaven…get out of that cauldron of boiling water, sneak out of hell drugging any sentries you might meet on the way, then climb over the back wall, steal a harp and a halo, sit on a cloud and pretend you were there all along”
“When I go past you roasting on a spit over an open fire I shall be sure to wave” replied Eleanor happily, “I might even throw another log on the fire to stop you from getting cold”
“Well isn’t that thoughtful and kind of you”
“Exactly. That just proves I belong in heaven in the first place.” Eleanor ran off the road and started flitting from cover to cover, followed by Fulk.

Several minutes later they stopped in a small clump of trees overlooking the north road’s guard post. Peering out from behind a bush Fulk noted two guards, with no sign of any more. Turning to Eleanor he whispered, “We need to know how many bandits there are total…if we can take them down in ones and twos we stand more of a chance of surviving.”
“We won’t be able to make many disappear before Meltone get suspicious” warned Eleanor, “And we don’t have forever to do this.” Fulk nodded, “I’ll handle this one, count to 100 and throw a large stone to hit the guard on the left’s helmet. I’ll do the rest” Fulk started to crawl down behind the guards, moving silently. He carefully drew his sword and waited. With a dull clanging noise a rock hit the helmet of the chosen bandit, causing him to drop his spear, reeling in half stunned confusion. Fulk flew at the other man and cut him down in one swift blow, before grappling with the recovering second bandit. It didn’t take long to knock him to the floor, “Don’t move” Fulk warned, resting the tip of his sword on the bandit’s throat. “Draw your dagger and put it on the ground – slowly” The bandit did as he was told, careful not to make any sudden moves. “Now the helmet – take it off” The man untied the chinstraps of his simple spangenhelm and pulled it off his head. Eleanor left her cover in the trees and collected the guards’ weapons. “Now we want some information” Fulk explained, pulling his sword back slightly so it didn’t rest on the man’s throat, “Help us and I give you my word you’ll leave here unharmed. Going to co-operate?” The man nodded slowly. “Good. How many bandits are there in this fief?”
“16, and Lord Meltone”
“What kind of equipment do you have? Weapons? Armour? Is everyone as well equipped as you?” The man’s eyes narrowed, “Don’t mock me, we are badly equipped and we know it That skulravin keeps the best stuff for himself, not for him these outdated arms – I swear some of this stuff dates back to William the Bastard’s invasion”
“So what have you got?” inquired Eleanor. The man’s eyes flicked sideways to look at her, “So you’re behind that rock, nice aim” Eleanor smiled happily, pleased by the compliment and the bandit started to grin in relief. Abruptly she dropped the smile and rapped him on the head with the butt of her spear, “Don’t try that old trick He is the softy, not me - I am the one who says we should kill you now for what you have done to that village Get talking”
“Alright We got some old chain mail, like knights wore over a hundred years ago Some padded jacks, a brigandine or two, one coat of plates, a handful of old helmets like mine and a few of those new sallet types. There’s one suit of more modern armour with the plate limb guards but Meltone’s got that.”
“Weapons?” When the man hesitated Fulk applied more pressure with his sword, drawing a bead of blood from the man’s neck. The man began to babble, “Spears, swords, some polearms, a longbow or two, nothing major and no warhorses”
“Patrols?”
“In pairs, one on each road at all times and four to be bodyguards for Meltone. That stinking coward leaves us to do all the work, he’s afraid of the peasants now – they hate him that much he fears an uprising A lot of us want out, no profit here anymore and it’s getting to deep for our tastes – treason now Treason I don’t want to be hung, drawn and quartered”
“The dogs?”
“There’re 4 of them, deer hounds. They’re kept in the castle in a locked pen unless they are needed, accursed animals can’t tell the difference between us and the people they are supposed to kill”
And how many men?” asked Eleanor, repeating the earlier question to be sure of the answer. “16” the man replied instantly, before glancing over at his dead comrade, “Well 15 now”
“14.” Said Fulk, leaning on his sword, driving it swiftly through the bandit’s throat. Eleanor stared at Fulk, sickened “Why did you do that? You gave him your word” Fulk wiped his sword blade on the bandits cloak and sheathed it. “We couldn’t leave him alive and I only promised him his life to get information. Your tough act reversed, if you like”
“I don’t like We could have tied him up or-“
“Or nothing He would have escaped or been found and then they’d be looking for us He had to die and I suggest we kill as many more guards as possible tonight before word spreads. Them or us oh Angelic One, and I don’t intend for it to be us.”
“You should not have given your word if you did not intend to keep it man of honour, if you break your word then it becomes worthless and people might start to question it’s worth…if they aren’t already.” Eleanor threw one of the two spears into the trees but held on to the other one, “I am probably just as bad with a spear as with a sword but it is better than nothing. Let’s move – we should hide these bodies, and then we have another two guard posts to visit and a head to burry.” Fulk started to drag one of the bandits into the bushes, “Don’t see how it matters if I break my word or not – there’s no one here to see and it gets the job done.” He started arranging bracken over the body to hide it. “Oh no one is here to see, no one important anyway - just me” muttered Eleanor, kicking dirt over the bloodstains on the ground. She tried to explain, “I don’t like all this killing – I never have and I probably never will…someone somewhere will miss these men…I have been on the other side of this, wondering where someone has gone and then finding they are dead…but it is them or us…I just think we should kill them quickly, without messing around with all this false hope…in the end that is all I can hope for when my turns comes.” Fulk looked up sharply, “Your turn?”
“I will never retire” Eleanor explained softly, “What is there for me to retire to? My only other use is as an emergency marriage token and it would have to be a grave emergency indeed for someone to accept the most unappealing princess in Europe - my cover for this job has neatly destroyed any possible future I might have If a diplomatic marriage were arranged I am not sure I would go anyway, maybe if the alliance were the only thing left to save England…but I think not. I know too much to sit in some backwater for the rest of my days, it was all arranged years ago. When I am no longer useful or wanted as an agent I will go to a nunnery and they will kill me after a few months when the world has forgotten me. There is no ‘later’, no ‘after’, no ‘future’ and I would rather not sit there waiting for the end, day after day. That is why I plan on running for it as soon as I know it is over – my back up plan. I won’t get far but at least it is a better ending.” Fulk finished hiding the second body, “And what about me? Where do I fit into this plan?”
“Wherever you want. I will not ask you to follow me, nor will I ask you to go away. Either way your royal service ends with me. Don’t bother telling me what you would choose – I do not want to know.”
“As you wish, just be sure to give me enough notice to pack my bags if I decide to follow you” Fulk’s attempt at humour fell flat, “Lets go – south road next I think.” Eleanor shook her head, “No, west. Then we can stop by your mother’s house and burry what is left of her.”
“It’s too dangerous – Meltone will know it was me.”
“Not if I leave some bait to attract a couple of foxes or something to leave paw prints all over the area and make it look like they took the remains. If Meltone finds us, which he will eventually, you will say you are looking for a job.” They started to walk towards the western road, “Meltone knows I would never work for him” protested Fulk. Eleanor grinned, “And that is why your cousin will bully you into accepting a job” Once again they started to move silently from cover to cover, working towards the next set of sentries.




This was getting a bit long so I cut the night in two, this being part 1. Part 2 sometime soonish.

500 years before good cop, bad cop there was good man at arms, bad princess

The entire heaven/hell thing is very funny...about the only funny bit in this part again. Eleanor the angel...her halo would probably be lopsided Still I suppose that is better than Fulk the spit roast http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/tongue.gif

Anyone wanting to comment on Fulk and his word keeping abilities, well go and re-read the end of tale 1 and tell me what he does. Get up and leave his murdered master and join forces with the killer in the space of a minute. This is the first tiny evolution of the br- thing; the real important bit is yet to come. And before anyone asks no I am not saying he breaks his oath or keeps it for that matter, only that he has been set up to do things like this from day 1 - even in the shallow comedy without the romance. So even without the “br-“ thing he would still be doing this and the same questions would have been raised – what would he do? This bit will probably add to the newly started Fulk email debate...someone finally said they noticed the not as simple as he seems character that is Fulk. He works as a perfect chivalrous knight who is not a knight, but if you look closer he is also a bit of a dark horse...again no spoilers there, just reference to what he has already done. Look back and see for yourselves if you haven't already spotted the many occasions where he is not so simple.

On the nunnery thing, yes that is the final evolution and explanation. If this had been the serious version from the beginning the nunnery agreement would have been one of the first things you read and you would have always known about it. However it obviously does not suit the comedy so it was quietly toned down to her spending her days going mad - blame Eleanor for that fib, for it was what she told me before I started asking questions So what should have been the beginning is now a passing mention, followed by a 'look' at the full scene with the aid of a past viewing device of great cunning aka the flashback. Works quite well in lieu of starting this whole thing over from scratch just as it is getting 'interesting'.

Her backup plan as explained her is exactly the same one she was referring to earlier on. Except this time she explains properly because...oh its in the story already and spelt out in big letters later, but I don't suppose it matters whether I say it now or later. But basically she knew that she was going to get beaten yet again and was quite sure Fulk would try and save her, thus committing treason and dying. That’s why she left him behind and why she was sporting that neat hand shaped bruise. Mr. King got so peed off because she disobeyed his order to bring Fulk he didn’t even hit her where no one could see, well she’s pretty well a walking carpet of bruises and cuts but it was that one on her face that foiled her not so cunning plan. Course that doesn’t excuse her linear thinking in not at least telling Fulk why he got shoved to one side but what can you expect from someone that uncreative? She just doesn’t think of asking him to either stay behind and not watch or just stand there and do nothing. Before she couldn’t just say why she needed a back up plan because in explaining it she would have told him what she was trying to hide. That would be why she always acts so strangely when near the manor, but like I say it’s in there semi subtly now and it gets spelt out later to suit the story so it doesn’t matter what I say here.

Don’t ask me why she decided to talk about her inevitable end now, no idea Melancholy gloom perhaps? Thinks she is unlikely to survive this mission now? Spilling the beans as soon as it is sort of safe? Explaining because she thinks he needs to know? Telling him so he has an excuse to leave if he wants? http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/ht_shrug.gif

EDIT: Yup, typos again

[frogbeastegg]

The second guard post went much as the first – two more dead guards and information that tallied with that gathered from the first post. By the time Eleanor and Fulk reached the burned ruins of Fulk’s mother’s house the night was nearly half over. Bypassing the head on its spike Fulk carefully climbed over the burned timbers and into the middle of the house. “What are you doing?” asked Eleanor. Fulk cast his gaze around the ruined interior of the house, “Looking for something.”
“Well whatever it is make it quick This is supposed to be a funeral” Fulk didn’t answer, he heaved aside a fallen roof beam and stared at the uneven flagstone floor. Crouching down he brushed the ash and debris off the stones and started counting the stones from the back left corner. When he got to the seventh stone he drew his dagger and started to prise it up. After several minutes of work the stone came free revealing a hidden pit lined with wooden planks. Fulk reached in and drew out a small, moth eaten cloth bag. “I knew it”
“Knew what?” asked Eleanor, unable to see what Fulk was doing from her position on the road. Fulk ignored her and opened the bag. He took out a necklace, a simple teardrop shaped piece of garnet held on a chain by gold wire, followed by a silver ring set with a small piece of amber. After examining them for damage he stuffed both items into his belt pouch and reached into the bag again, this time pulling out a handful of coins, “Well damn her She could have paid her taxes after all” Fulk counted the money a second time, “There’s a small fortune here One pound, seventeen shillings and two pence”
“That is more money that I have in this world” remarked the princess dryly, “But of course that is because I have no money at all” Fulk looked up, “Just keep watch on that road, Meltone would be happy to own some of this and not just the money. It must be here somewhere, she always kept it near her…” Fulk trailed off as he poured the coins into his belt pouch and emptied the bag out onto the floor. A small piece of musty parchment fell out. His hand trembling Fulk reached out and picked it up. Holding his breath he opened it and started to read slowly and with some difficulty, “In the year of our Lord 1312. Record for the indenture of Fulk Fitzwilliam as man at arms and bodyguard. A lifetime of service to myself and my heirs in return for training, food and such items as are needed for a goodly standard of life…blah, blah…not important…not very interesting…ah ha I thought so The daft clerk forgot to name it Nowhere does it say that I am indentured to Sir William Destier, damn the cantankerous fool of a clerk”
“Now what?” asked Eleanor, only able to hear some vague mumbling. Fulk replaced the stone and kicked ashes back over it and started to leave being careful to cover his boot prints, “I found my record of indenture – as I thought they forgot to name my father as the man I was in service to Anyone could take this bit of parchment and claim my service by law”
“Then you had best burn it”
“Aren’t you going to try and steal it or something?” Fulk asked jokingly as he climbed back out of the house. Eleanor arched an eyebrow, “Of course not. I doubt that bit of parchment is any more binding than your word and therefore subject to change as you wish and when it is convenient.”
“Ah, about that-“
“Shut up Indenture burning, head burying, guard killing – that is our programme for tonight, not standing around arguing over things I don’t want to hear”
“How do you know what I’m going to say? You never let me finish”
“Whatever it is I presume it is likely to be highly distracting, since we already have 12 bandits and a corrupt knight to deal with I think I shall leave your little speech until later”
“Distracting? Well I suppose you may call it that…distracting, annoying, insulting, irritating, rude, improper, unchivalrous, dishonourable, amusing, interesting, ridiculous, entertaining, hilarious…I can think of a lot of thing you may call my ‘little speech’”
“Well I am glad you have proper appreciation for my vocabulary, but perhaps I am using words that are too big for you to understand when I say ‘shut up’, so I shall try again – Silence” Eleanor smiled icily, “Better? Message understood this time?” Fulk sighed and ran his hand through his hair, “Fine, I won’t mention it again until this mission is over. Just two questions for you though, firstly why is it when you grow your hair into a longer style it gets in your eyes all the time? Secondly why is silence shorter than shut up, silence is a much longer word?”
“Simple, firstly your hair is only echoing its owner and that is why it is annoying. Secondly silence sounds shorter when you say it And I see no point or interest in discussing your hair or the English language when we can be getting on with giving your mother a decent burial and getting out of here” Eleanor pulled out a bag and took out a piece of dried meat, “We will put the head in the bag and the meat on the spike, that should attract a fox or two. If we bury the head far enough away from here no one will be any the wiser.” Fulk gingerly reached out and gently pulled the head off the spike, wincing as the jawbone dropped off. He put it in the bag Eleanor held out and picked the jawbone up with his finger and thumb before dropping it in the bag as quickly as possible. “Oh stop being so squeamish” muttered Eleanor. Fulk wiped his hands on his tunic, “It’s alright for you – you’re not the one with rotting flesh on your hands I bet you didn’t have to do this with your mother.”
“No, I didn’t.” Eleanor replied quietly, “I didn’t even know she was dead until a week after the funeral. It was hardly considered priority news for an agent in training in the middle of nowhere.” Fulk flushed, “Oh…I er..um…”
“Neither of us are any good at sympathy so why don’t we forget mumbling stupid things that don’t help and get on with this?”

As they walked slowly over to the clump of trees near the house Eleanor asked curiously, “Why did they forget to name your indenture? That is a strange error indeed.”
“Well I was only a few days old at the time, I can only guess what happened. I imagine my father was in a bit of a hurry, trying to get it written down and binding before his ‘beloved’ wife found out. Since he couldn’t read he would not have spotted the error until it was far too late to alter the document. Perhaps that is why he decided I should learn to read. I do know that when lady Alice found out about the arrangement she threatened to drown my mother and myself in the mill pond, apparently my father told her that she couldn’t damage his property and if she did that he would drag her to court for criminal damage and have her hung That was something of a local legend, but it sounds about right. My father hated his wife, she hated both him and my mother and both my parents were actually very close…well it seemed that way to me.” Fulk pulled the necklace out of his belt pouch, “He was always giving her things like this – she lived better than anyone else here. I think that is why she took Wyatt in; she was the only one in the village with the food to spare. From that tidy sum of money it appears he remembered her in his will…but not me.”
“Perhaps he meant for you to have his armour and didn’t feel the need to write that down?”
“Once I might have believed that, but not now. He always used to be so proud of me – he taught me to fight and ride himself, but for that last year he kept saying I should be happy as I was – a peasant bastard of a minor knight with no prospects A nothing Who could be happy with that? He could have put me forward for knighthood; many other knights have done that with their bastards. I always thought he would but he refused to.”
You are only ever nothing if you decide to be nothing. Grand titles and vast estates mean little in the end, what counts is doing something you can be proud of and doing everything you can with what you have.” They stopped in the middle of the clump of trees at the foot of a large oak. “And what have I got?” demanded Fulk. “A life, freedom as you are not tied to the land like many others nor bound by indenture, an excellently made sword and suit of good modern armour, the skills to use a variety of weapons and fight very effectively, a sum of money, a good horse not a warhorse but still a fine animal, a brain – at least I think you posses one even if you do not use it, I suppose I should list Cicely’s comment on you looking dashing with your broken nose and armour – and don’t think I am agreeing with her I am merely listing that because you could end up working for a rich old widow with a thing for broken noses and armour and you could do rather well out of that-“
“You’ve gone pink” interrupted Fulk, “You don’t agree with Cicely and yet you’ve gone pink”
“And how can you see that in this dark?” inquired Eleanor tetchily, “You can’t, so stop being stupid when I am trying to answer your question You have got a lot to work with and if you would stop blaming your lack of status for everything and start working you could go far. Stop seeing a knighthood as a magic balm to cure those things you see as wrong – change them yourself. If you want riches hire yourself out to someone who will pay you well as you have the resources to command a good price. If you want lands then go work for a lord who has a lot of land, distinguish yourself in his service and wait for the grant. If you want knighthood then go find some benevolent old buffer who listens to too many king Arthur stories and ask for your spurs in return for however many years service is traditional in those tales, three I think.”
“All of those entail me leaving you…”
“If you want to go then I will not stop you, after this mission is done anyway. And if you start on that speech yet again I shall be most displeased” Fulk stared blankly past Eleanor, lost in thought. Eventually he nodded slowly and gravely said, “I think I see…yes, I think I see now.” Fulk knelt at the foot of the tree and started to dig a hole with his dagger, prising away lumps of half frozen earth. When the hole was big enough he took the bag containing his mother’s remains from Eleanor and gently placed it in the hole. He took the amber ring out of his belt pouch and placed it in the hole, “It’s not consecrated ground but you never did like priests and their endless sermons on hell…I should have come back sooner…you were tied to the land but I should have found a way…” Fulk started to fill the grave, crumbling the earth so the grave would be less noticeable. Finally he swept some leaves over the top, hiding it from sight. Eleanor checked the position of the moon again, “It is getting late, early - whatever We are out of time; if we delay any longer someone might see us as we return to the inn.” She buried her spear under a pile of leaves; “Well I can hardly take it back with me” she explained. Silently they started to walk back to the village.

The trip back was uneventful; it only took a few minutes. Outside the inn they climbed onto the stable roof and in through the window of Fulk’s room. Deep in the shadows of one of the nearby houses someone watched.

“Be careful no one sees you as you leave” warned Fulk as Eleanor moved to open the door out onto the corridor. She grinned, “Now that would give people something to talk about” She slipped out the room and made her way back to her own room unseen.








Yes this has suddenly picked up speed – everything is neatly coasting towards the 20 pages of prewritten ending, and going smoothly according to plan. May even have tale 4 finished entirely by Saturday…that leaves me in the (un)enviable position of posting the window scene on Valentines day http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-confused.gif http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-sweatdrop.gif


The second guard post went much as the first – two more dead guards and information that tallied with that gathered from the first post. By the time Eleanor and Fulk reached the burned ruins of Fulk’s mother’s house the night was nearly half over. Is that a better time skip? It was all I could think of and still better than my rather uncreative ‘1 week later’ that goes in the end of this. http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/rolleyes.gif

“There’s a small fortune here One pound, seventeen shillings and two pence” so I got sick of translating the sums of money they gave me into MTW florins. If you don’t like it sue me http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/tongue.gif

firstly why is it when you grow your hair into a longer style it gets in your eyes all the time? heh, the daft old devil has been growing his hair ever since that “bowl cut brains” comment in tale 2 He ends up with that famous early medieval just shorter than shoulder length hair – thankfully he never picks up the beard and moustache to match or I would be forced by good taste to write him getting shaved Ahem, so why is he talking about his hair at a time like this? He didn’t like her comment on his hair making him look stupid, now whether that means he is growing his hair for her benefit or just to avoid looking stupid I couldn’t say http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-grin.gif

Indenture burning, head burying, guard killing – that is our programme for tonight and tomorrow they do some light conversation, a little walking, a bit of wriggling out of an awkward situation, some trappy trappy stuff, some Olympic sprinting, a touch of watching violent stuff, some sword fighting, a lot of arguing, play some tennis, and take over the world. Whether you believe this or not is your choice http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/ht_saint.gif

My father hated his wife, she hated both him simple, common medieval arranged marriage. He’s a noble with a small fief, she’s a noble with a small dowry, perfect match according to their parents.

she couldn’t damage his property and if she did that he would drag her to court for criminal damage and have her hung This is before peasants were set free from serfdom. She was born in Hiddulth, lived in Hiddulth and died in Hiddulth and had no choice about moving because she was quite literally classed as part of the land. Property? Oh yes, just like a scythe or bucket or any other object or animal. All the peasants belong to the lord of the fief. Fulk is an exception because his father acknowledged him as his son, placing him ever so slightly above being tied to the land. Anyone who left their place in the land and was caught was executed or returned for some rather unpleasant medieval punishments unless they managed to hide in a city for a year and a day – if they managed that they were free.

“You’ve gone pink” interrupted Fulk, “You don’t agree with Cicely and yet you’ve gone pink” is he telling the truth or just trying to derail her train of thought? Well I shall rat her out – she was fine until she started explaining about how she didn’t agree :froggy gets glared at by an angry Eleanor...froggy is in trouble again and due another long rant from our beloved heroine: http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/mecry.gif

like priests and their endless sermons on hell and she’d have picked up a lot of those Adultery, having a child out of wedlock, being someone's mistress, you can probably fit in a deadly sin of lust somewhere - find a medieval priest with a fanatical attitude and he’d harangue her all day every day for the rest of her life...so guess what lady Alice hired as her chaplain? Yup – a fanatic.

“Be careful no one sees you as you leave” warned Fulk as Eleanor moved to open the door out onto the corridor. She grinned, “Now that would give people something to talk about” you know sometimes I wonder if she might enjoy causing a rather large scene and then neatly dodging out of the way so she and Fulk can sit back and watch the fuss I just get this feeling she would enjoy convincing this village that something 'unsavory' was going on if it wouldn't a)make her job harder and b)get her an interesting lecture on returning home about how princesses do not act, especially with men at arms and finally c)get her killed for ruining her reputation after said lecture ends. http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-gossip.gif

[frogbeastegg]

I just wanted to say thank you to those mysterious people who voted for me in the best story 2003 HOF award. I really didn't expect it - I thought the award had Monk's name written all over it in 60 foot high letters I would have placed money on it if I were the gambling type. I didn't even think I would get runner up. I still don't believe it...As far I know only a handful of people read this, less than 8 people all told.

I guess what I am trying to find a polite way to say is: Didn't expect it, didn't know people read this, didn't know they liked it that much and where's everyone come from all of a sudden or did just 3 people vote in the story category total?

Anyway brushing over the confused mess that is an embarrassed and pleasantly suprised froggy thank you http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/wave.gif Now I owe the princess and Fulk, slightly beyond a drink I think...what do you buy a princess/agent and a peasant/knight? http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/confused.gif

[Monk]

I'm sure Folk would settle for Moonshine or Mead, maybe Eleanor would like some ale, or maybe wine, or maybe she likes whiskey. In any rate, a round on me Froggy, for you and your...err...friends here. http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/cheers.gif

[frogbeastegg]

Next morning Eleanor went downstairs to find Fulk wearing full armour and sat at a corner table in the empty inn, staring blearily into a tankard of small beer. She sat down opposite him, keeping a good view of the inn’s doorway, and beamed cheerfully, “Well don’t you look wide awake and well rested cousin dearest?” Fulk smothered a yawn, “And you are obnoxiously chirpy this morning.”
“I try my best I had a most restful night, and yet you look as though you barely slept a wink.” Fulk just yawned and drank some more of his beer. “So what are we doing today then?” asked Eleanor, “Something interesting maybe? Or are you planning on sitting there all day and looking half asleep?”
“The last one” mumbled Fulk, smothering yet another yawn. Eleanor propped her head on her fist and regarded Fulk with some amusement, “I don’t know, anyone would think you were up all night or something” Fulk shot her a wounded look, “And what would I being doing all night?”
“Don’t ask me” gasped Eleanor in a very good impression of real horror, “Probably something so depraved an innocent like myself couldn’t even begin to guess” Fulk chewed this comment over for several moments before putting his tankard down and trying to look more alert, “Alright, alright I’m awake already You can stop being so diabolical now”
“I don’t know, you still haven’t scraped enough wit to fight back yet” said Eleanor sceptically, “Whatever you were doing must have been highly…draining.”
“That’s it I am going to travel the length and breadth of this country and find the most horrible, the most evil minded, the most pernickety man in England and marry you off to him And then I shall laugh all the way home and enjoy my peace and quiet, the thought of you living in misery for the rest of your life will warm the very depths of my heart” through the open door Eleanor observed an old man walking towards the inn, “You will have difficulty there then – you spent my dowry on that helmet and I’m hardly going to make life easy for you and be charming to your intended victim”
“True enough” Fulk heaved a great sigh, “And sadly it will take a very large bribe indeed before I can get shot of you”
“Oh yes, I do try and exact my worth. After all there is no point in underselling oneself...” Eleanor trailed off as the old man stopped next to their table and peered at Fulk, “So it is you, back at last.” Fulk stared at the man, not recognising him, with an annoyed grunt the man pulled up a stool and sat down heavily at their table, “Typical The lad goes away for a few years and forgets who I am I’m Thorfin, remember me now?” the man swiped Fulk’s tankard and drank the rest of the beer. Fulk and Eleanor just kept staring in morbid fascination. The man put the empty tankard back down and wiped his mouth on the back of his hand, “Thorfin, old man who does the gardening at the castle? Was a friend of your parents? Village headman? Ringing any bells yet?”
“Err, I think I remember you now” Fulk didn’t sound too convinced. The man tutted, plainly irritated, “The young these days, no memory Well I remember you, what I don’t remember is this young lady.”
“My cousin.” supplied Fulk. The man grunted, Eleanor smiled slightly, “Except you do not believe that.”
“No I don’t” Thorfin grinned toothlessly, “You’re a shrewd young lady”
“No, just a shrew” interrupted Fulk, “She’s my cousin-“
“Your cousin died in the sickness that swept Newbury the summer before last.” Thorfin jabbed Fulk in the chest with a finger, “I heard all about it from your mother A messenger came up specially with word. Always had more money than sense, your uncle.”
“Well this is a fine mess you have gotten us into” Eleanor glared at Fulk, stalling for time and furiously working at creating a new story, “Just leave everything to you, you said No problem, you said No one will ever know, you said Hah” Fulk opened his mouth to say something but Eleanor overrode him, “Well it looks like we will have to tell him the truth, oh joy and happiness”
“The truth?” asked Fulk, “Is that wise?”
“No but thanks to you and your bright ideas we don’t have many options” Eleanor calmed down slightly as she decided on her story, “It is quite simple really, we are on the run from my family. They had a match lined up for me and I did not like it, I arranged for this lump headed fool to abduct me – he looked good in armour and he wasn’t several decades older than me so I thought it the better of two options. You know the law people have been exploiting for years, when an unmarried couple spend the night under the same roof without relatives or chaperones present they are classed as married, getting me neatly out of a mess with my fortune intact. Plenty of rich heiresses have been abducted so someone can claim their money legally, and plenty of heiresses have seized the opportunity to marry a man of their choosing.” Eleanor frowned in Fulk’s direction, “Although I sometimes wonder if I was insane” Fulk grinned broadly, “You know you like me really, Oh Agitated One. That’s why you came up with this scheme in the first place.”
“Like you?” Eleanor smiled slightly, “Well maybe a little bit…in comparison to someone more than twice my age with only three teeth, no hair, and an unhealthy interesting in accounting”
“You honour me with your favour, Oh Joyously Sweet Tempered One. Your favour and your insults both”
“You only have yourself to blame, you know” Eleanor informed Fulk acidly, before noticing Thorfin was following this exchange with interest. She blushed slightly, “Er, well anyway my family didn’t exactly take the news as well as we had expected, instead of complaining for a long time and then shutting up they offered to make me a widow and find me a more suitable husband. That was the point we fled, unfortunately leaving most of our possessions behind.” Thorfin nodded, “And you were wandering around after dark last night because…? And don’t deny it – I saw you though my window”
“Why do you think?” asked Fulk, hoping Thorfin would supply his own excuse and save them the bother. Thorfin started to laugh, “I suppose you’re right” Eleanor went a deeper shade of pink, suspecting Thorfin had come up with a less than savoury explanation, “Anyway that is why we are travelling incognito, obviously we would appreciate it if you said nothing.”
“I always said you’d either go far or get into a mess and become crow bait” Thorfin prodded Fulk in the chest again, Fulk brushed Thorfin’s finger away, “Now look here-” Fulk was interrupted as Wyatt came running through the door, “Meltone’s after you” Wyatt skidded to a halt, speaking rapidly, “He knows you’re here, says you killed four of his men last night and he’s going to kill you – you’ve got to go now” Thorfin snorted, “So that’s what you were up to last night” he turned to Wyatt, “And how’re they meant to go? Vanish into thin air? He’ll be watching the roads, if they up and run he’ll catch them like a rat in a trap” Fulk rested his hand on his sword hilt, “There’s got to be a way”
“Aye, there’s a way maybe.” Thorfin looked from Fulk to Wyatt and back again, “There’s a way but it’s not neat. You and your…cousin hide in the hidden cellar we’ve got under this inn, amongst what’s left of our undeclared food. Then someone points Meltone in the wrong direction, says you’ve already gone.” Wyatt cleared his throat nervously, “It would work maybe, but…” Thorfin drummed his fingers on the table, “Exactly. That’s the sticking point.” Wyatt stood deep in thought for a moment before nodding resolutely, “Right. So be it, get in the cellar and hide and I’ll take care of this.” Fulk didn’t move, Wyatt tried to smile confidently, “You’d have done the same for me, right? Anyway I owe you. As long as you’re alive you can still kill Meltone and end this.”
“Thank you, my friend. I will not forget this.” Fulk moved over to the trapdoor that Thorfin pointed out underneath a table. Heaving the table aside he dragged the door open, “Well lets move before it’s too late.” Eleanor didn’t move, “Am I missing something or are you quite happy to leave your friend here to explain to a bunch of bandits that we have fled? This is going to get violent”
“Not much else we can do, it’s his choice.” replied Fulk, looking studiously at the floor.
“We can’t just leave him” exclaimed Eleanor. Wyatt started wringing his hands in agitation, “There’s no time” he said desperately, “You’ve got to get gone now” When Eleanor still didn’t move Fulk grabbed her by her arm and dragged her towards the hatch, “Why do you always have to revert to squeamish at the worse possible times? He’s made his choice and all we can do is honour it”
“We can’t just sit here and watch him get pulverised” protested Eleanor as Fulk pulled her down into the cellar and started to shut the trap door. As the door slammed into place, cutting out most of the light Fulk replied bleakly, “Then shut your eyes.” With a scraping noise the table was moved back over the trap door. “I’ll see about the horses” said Thorfin, “get them saddled up. Send the bandits to the east and they can leave safely to the west, that way is always quiet. Good luck.” The sound of footsteps echoed through the cellar as Thorfin left. The small gaps between floorboards allowed Eleanor and Fulk to get a reasonable view of what was happening above them, the dark gloom of the cellar kept them hidden from above.

After what felt like an eternity the clomp of heavy boots heralded the arrival of Meltone’s bandits. Four men in all, armed and armoured. “Hey you” yelled one of the bandits, presumably the leader, “Where are they?”
“Where are who, my lord?” Wyatt replied timidly. The leader gestured to one of his men, the chosen bandit stepped forward and grabbed Wyatt by the throat and slammed him into a wall. “Don’t play ignorant” snapped the leader, “You were seen with them Where is Fulk and his cousin?” with a crunching noise the bandit broke Wyatt’s nose, threw him down on the ground and kicked him a few times. In the cellar Eleanor stopped watching, feeling sick. Wyatt moaned, “I don’t know I swear-” the bandit kicked Wyatt in the groin and hauled him to his feet in front of the leader, who demanded “Where?”
“East They went east” babbled Wyatt, “I swear it Please-” the bandit leader grabbed a fist full of Wyatt’s hair and smashed his head into a table twice, “You talk too much I asked where they went, not for a bunch of grovelling peasant whining” the leader stepped back and turned to leave, “We’ve got what we came for, let’s go.” The bandits filed out, the last one pushed Wyatt off the table he was still slumped on and stamped on the fingers of his right hand, breaking a few of them, “Peasant scum” the final bandit swaggered out, taking a skin of ale from the counter as he left.

Fulk and Eleanor had to wait until Thorfin returned so the table could be dragged off the trap door. As soon as they were out Eleanor shot off upstairs to get their bags. Fulk knelt down next to his friend and helped him sit up, “You always did want a nose to match mine.” Wyatt tried to smile but failed, “Promise me you’ll end this” he mumbled, “An ending…”
“I will” promised Fulk, “That’s what I came here to do and I’m not giving up until Meltone is safely rotting in his grave.” Eleanor returned with the bags and poured a mug of ale, reaching into her saddlebags she pulled out a box of rings and selected one set with amber. Flipping the top of the ring open she poured some power into the ale and handed it to Fulk, “Sleeping drought” she explained. Fulk tipped some of the mixture down Wyatt’s throat. Thorfin coughed discretely, “You’d best get going. I’ve saddled the horses, if you go west you should be safe enough. The road looks clear.” Fulk propped Wyatt up against the wall and stood up, “Let go.” He took his helmet from it’s bag, put it on, and pulled his shield out and settled it on his back. Carrying their bags Fulk and Eleanor hurried out to the stables. As Thorfin had promised the horses were ready and waiting, and in a few seconds they were on their way. As they were leaving the centre of the village a bandit gave a shout and rushed to block their path, Eleanor quickly drew a knife and threw it, hitting the man in the chest. The road now clear they broke into a gallop and took off to the west.

As Eleanor and Fulk rounded a bend in the road they saw five men and an impromptu blockade waiting ahead of them. While four were only wearing old, outdated armour the fifth was wearing a suit of modern armour and a helm that covered his entire head, leaving only small slits for vision and ventilation. Meltone. “We’re trapped.” said Eleanor. Fulk unslung his shield and settled it on his arm, “Looks like it, these horses aren’t suited to cross country, so no escaping off road…can’t go back either, the village will be swarming by now.” Meltone stepped forward and tugged his helm off, “Fulk, what a surprise Or not – right into my trap as I expected. I’ll let you go if you give your armour and weapons and beg for your life on bended knee.”
“I think not – you’ll kill me the instant I’m disarmed” replied Fulk as he checked his kettle helm was laced on securely. Meltone shrugged his shoulders in a clatter of plate armour, “Fair enough, we’ll take the armour from your corpse. I haven’t forgotten your promise to gut me like a fish, but I think you will find you are the fish today” He clamped his helmet back on and the bandits started to draw their weapons and make ready for combat. Fulk and Eleanor dismounted, “Give me my sword – at least this time you remembered to bring it” Fulk looked at Eleanor as if she had gone mad, “You can’t fight”
“And I can’t not. I have one knife left, nothing else.”
“You won’t last two seconds-”
“I won’t be a prisoner and dying unarmed is just embarrassing.” Fulk saw the determination in her eyes and sighed, wordlessly he untied the sword from his saddle and handed it over. She belted it on around her waist and pulled extra material through it to raise her hemline up a few inches. “I think our best plan is to kill them and not die ourselves.”
“As you wish oh Sands of the Ages” Fulk drew his sword and waited for the enemy to advance. Eleanor took up position slightly behind and to the left of Fulk, “Good luck helmet head. If you die I shall never speak to you again”

The bandits were advancing now in a line formation, protected by their shields. A short distance away the bandits broke into a charge. One man went down immediately with a knife through his throat; he hadn’t raised his shield enough and had left a gap open. With a wordless roar Fulk flung himself into the enemy and rammed shield first into one man, knocking him down. He quickly finished the downed man with a thrust to the neck and turned to face the Meltone and another bandit, only managing to half block a slashing blow aimed at his right shoulder. Meltone’s blade smashed into the plate shoulder guard and gouged a deep mark in the metal. “Getting rusty Fulk” taunted Meltone, his voice echoing inside his helm. Fulk didn’t waste his breath replying, instead he sprang back, trying to gain some space and keep his two foes in front of him. The final bandit had dodged around Fulk and went after Eleanor. She had drawn her sword and was constantly moving around to the man’s left, trying to get an opening past his shield. She was only just able to parry the blows raining down on her. Out of the corner of his eye Fulk saw her go down in a spray of blood. “Eleanor NO” In a rage Fulk rammed the hilt of his sword into the closest bandits stomach. As the man doubled over Fulk swiftly broke his neck with the rim of his shield. Meltone pressed his attack, driving Fulk back in a rain of blows and the last surviving minion ran over to help. Half blinded by his large helm, Meltone stumbled on a deep rut in the road distracting him and disrupting his balance for a vital second. That second was all Fulk needed to plunge his sword into Meltone’s guts “Like a fish” growled Fulk as he twisted the blade, pulled it free and kicked Meltone out of the way. The final bandit dropped his weapons and fled. Fulk threw down his own sword and ran over to the princess, unbuckling and discarding his shield as he went. He dropped to his knees beside her and anxiously felt for a pulse. Eleanor’s left arm has been slashed open from shoulder to elbow; the white of bone was just visible under the tide of blood pouring from the wound. Fulk began ripping his cloak into bandages.

As he tied off the last of the makeshift bandages on Eleanor’s arm Fulk noticed a man’s shadow coming up behind him. He turned and saw a band of peasants armed with tools, lead by Thorfin approaching him. Fulk slowly rose to his feet, looking about for his sword. It was too far away to reach in time. The peasants stopped and Thorfin spoke, “Where’s Meltone?” Fulk nodded towards the pile of bodies further down the road, “dead.”
“Dead? You killed him?” Thorfin smiled and the peasants started talking excitedly amongst themselves. “We feared the worst, after I told you this way was safe my grandson reported seeing Meltone and four men headed down here earlier. The whole village has risen up – the bandits are being driven out and now Meltone is dead we have hope again.” Thorfin looked at the princess, “Is she…?”
“Dead? No, not yet” Fulk stooped down and picked Eleanor up, “But if we don’t do something soon she will be…I’m no healer…I can’t stop the bleeding…so much blood…” Fulk shook his head in despair. Thorfin patted him on the arm, “Bring her to the castle, we’ve cleared it out so it’s safe and our wounded are being taken there. Elfgifu the healer will be there and she’ll do what she can.” Fulk started walking towards the castle, leaving his sword and shield lying on the ground. Thorfin directed a peasant to pick them up and bring them and the two horses with Fulk and Eleanor’s belongings to the castle.

Fulk sat anxiously outside the main bedchamber of the castle. It has been so long since he had stumbled in and told the healer “Save her, without her I go back to being nothing…lower than nothing. She’s a noble – you’ll be well rewarded.” Since then he had been stood outside, staring and the floor and brooding, thinking, waiting. Finally the door opened and the old woman came out, tiredness etched on her face. “Well?” demanded Fulk, leaping to his feet. “She’ll live, just about.” she replied, “She’s lost a lot of blood, but the wound’s a clean one and I’ve stitched it up. Some of the muscles are severed, they should heal well enough but then again there is a small chance they may not. She will be in a fever for a while…the wound will need watching carefully for infaction-“
“But she’ll be alright?” interrupted Fulk. The old woman sniffed and glared at him, “She’ll be well enough, although it would help if you kept your fists to yourself Poor thing…”
“What?”
“Don’t play innocent with me, I’ve eyes to see and I’ve seen her – bruises and cuts all over like someone’s used her for a training dummy It’s a wonder you didn’t break bones, aye and dragging her into the middle of a fight – you’re a disgrace” Elfgifu shoved Fulk out of the way and shuffled off to look at her other patients. “It wasn’t me…I didn’t know…the fight wasn’t…” Fulk gave up. He walked into the bedchamber and sat down to wait. He looked at the princess, so pale and still, and shivered “You’ve already lost me one job, don’t lose me this one as well…I don’t want to be worse than nothing again…”



“Come on Eleanor, you’re not trying” Eleanor looked up at the sandy haired boy and pulled a face, “Princesses aren’t supposed to do swords, we’re supposed to look pretty and dance and stuff”
“And you hate doing that dear sister” the boy grinned and raised his wooden sword to the en garde position, “And you always say knights get to do the interesting stuff, well now’s your chance to do some fencing”
“But you’re older and bigger and stronger and you’re a squire now” replied Eleanor uncertainly, scuffling up the soil at her feet with the tip of her wooden sword. The boy rubbed his pug nose and shrugged, “If you are too scared…”
“I’m not scared Stephan (but Stephan’s dead and I have always been scared…)” Eleanor drew herself up to her full short height and glared at her brother’s chest, “I’m nearly six now and I’m not scared of anything” (Five? I’m not five…)
“Prove it” Stephan looked down at Eleanor and raised an eyebrow. She stepped back a pace and struck an imitation of her brother’s pose, holding the sword in both hands. “Now try lunging at me” invited Stephan, “That’s an easy move for beginners” Eleanor lunged forward clumsily and Stephan easily parried the blow, “Good” he said encouragingly before slowly attacking to her left. Eleanor stepped back, tripped on the hem of her dress and fell over. Immediately Stephan ran over, limping with his twisted right leg “Are you alright?” Eleanor nodded, dabbing at the mud on her clothes, “Now I’m going to get in trouble, I’m not supposed to get covered in mud because it’s not elegant”
“Don’t worry, you’ll wriggle out if it same as usual” said Stephan confidently, “just burst into tears and wail about it being an accident” Eleanor giggled, “That always works” (no it doesn’t…) Eleanor brandished her sword, “Come on then Bet I win in the end” Stephan laughed and swung his sword slowly enough for her to block and easily dodged her counter stroke, making it look much harder than it was, “One day Eleanor you’re going to be a better sword fighter than any knight”
“Really?”
“Of course, why would I lie? I’m your brother” (but I still can’t use a sword…you were just being nice…this isn’t now…this isn’t me any more…)



Eleanor walked through the doorway of the royal nursery and spotted Nursy (her, it would have to be her…a replacement mother…a perpetual baby sitter who hated us…of all the people to see it had to be her…), “Where’s my brother? Where’s Stephan?” she asked, “He wasn’t there by the tree this afternoon, he’s always there – he said he would be there” (People always say things they don’t mean, promises they can never keep…this still isn’t me or now…) Nursy turned around and put on a happy face, or what would have been a happy face if she had put more effort into it. “He’s gone away to a better place, don’t be sad.” Eleanor frowned slightly, not understanding but starting to worry. “Where’s my brother I want my brother”
“Stephan is dead, Eleanor. He drowned in the moat while swimming.” Nursy smiled and continued in a saccharine voice dripping with false concern, “Don’t be sad, he’s gone to heaven now and he’s with God and his angels.” Eleanor stared at her nurse in shock, “No You’re lying” she shouted, “He wouldn’t drown, my brothers a good swimmer I’ll bet that he can swim across the sea to France My brother’s stronger than Beowulf” Eleanor’s lip started to tremble and she blinked back her tears. Nursy lost her patience, “He is dead and you will forget about him The king does not want to hear his name mentioned again There never was a ‘Stephan’ and you never had more than two brothers” Eleanor turned and ran from the room crying. (Except he did exist and I will not forget…never)



“What are you doing up there?” Eleanor peered down through the branches of her tree and saw a stocky man with dark hair, brown eyes, and a long, hooked nose looking up at her. The man looked amused, “Yes I can see you princess. What are you doing in a tree in the middle of the morning? Don’t you have lessons?” Eleanor shrugged, “Don’t want to learn dancing and sewing so I don’t go. If they can’t find me they can’t turn me into a proper princess” The man looked even more amused, “Ah the simple logic of a child Princess sometimes it is better to do what you are told, you might get in trouble if you don’t” Eleanor considered this, “I can get out of trouble if I want to and I don’t have to do anything because you can’t order royalty – that’s what they keep telling me and I’m a princess so there” The man wasn’t as impressed as Eleanor expected, instead he started laughing; “Well that proves you learned one thing from those tutors you are avoiding” The princess dropped out of her tree and did her best imitation of the pose princesses were supposed to adopt when pouring royal scorn on the unworthy, “You can’t laugh at me Anyone who laughs at the crown is a traitor and dies, that’s what everyone says and I have a crown” (Was I really that annoying? At least a bit of work fixed up that childish pronunciation…) The man met her furious deep blue eyes and tried to control himself, “Is that the best you can do? Second hand threats from people you don’t like and claim to learn nothing from?” Eleanor stared at the ground, not quite knowing what to say. “Try and think of your own insults – I know you can” suggested the man helpfully. Eleanor shuffled her feet, “Not allowed to, s’not ladylike” she mumbled. “But you said you weren’t going to be a proper princess, that means you can insult who you like” Eleanor thought it over carefully, “I suppose if you say so, you scumble glazed mongoose”
“Better.” The man nodded in satisfaction, “although scumble glaze is usually put on pottery rather than animals, but I suppose it is a good start”
“You’re strange” Eleanor informed him politely, “No one has ever seen me in my tree, they don’t think to look above their heads Everyone always yells if I don’t act like a stuck up princess” the man started laughing again, “Well firstly you need to grow a lot before you can do the indignant royal act properly – you are too short to be impressively overbearing now”
“I’m not short” interrupted Eleanor gravely, “It’s just because I’m young – one day I’ll be really tall and then you’ll see” (I am nearly 20 now and still short Some princesses get all the luck…)
“If you say so princess. Secondly you need to decide on which act you are going to do, switching between proper princess and yourself all the time is confusing to the eye and not very good business practice”
“I’m not a spy like you” the princess retorted tartly. The man looked at her strangely “Spy? Now why would you think that?”
“I’ve seen you reporting to my father, you’re Trempwick the spymaster” said Eleanor proudly. The man continued watching her, almost weighing her with his gaze, “And you know that how?”
“I know lots of things”
“But how do you know them?”
“Because I do” Eleanor crossed her arms and tried the princess defiance pose again, “And I’m not saying because then I’ll get in trouble”
“You said you could handle trouble, and that pose still isn’t working”
“I can but that’s my nurse and tutors, not my father so I’m not saying.” The man finally stopped looking at her and shrugged his shoulders as if the matter was not important, “As you wish princess. A word of advice – do what you are told and then everything will be alright, don’t follow your brother Stephan” before Eleanor could say anything the man turned and left, calling over his shoulder as he went, “Eavesdropping is a bad habit for a princess and one day you will hear something you won’t like. Now if you were a spy…”
“If I were a spy what? And what about my brother? I don’t understand” Eleanor shouted after him but the man didn’t stop. (He knew he would be ordered to kill me soon…but decided I would be useful…a piece in the game of empires...but with a different function to the other princesses…)



Later that day Eleanor was sat on one of the big roof beams in the throne room, deep in the shadows and out of sight. Down below Trempwick shut the door and knelt before the throne, “What do you want, Sire?” the king waved his hand and the man rose. The king handed him a piece of parchment, “My youngest daughter is impossible She has scared off another tutor; this one would rather fight in Ireland than stay here with her. It is time for her to have a tragic accident, perhaps she could fall off the castle’s battlements?” Safely hidden Eleanor leaned forward to hear better, she must have misheard that last bit – they wouldn’t kill her, would they? (Of course they would…) The man considered this for a while, “If you wish it Sire, it is well known that she spends a lot of her time perched on the ramparts. Young children die so often, so tragic.” The king glared at the man, clutching the arms of his throne so tightly his knuckles went white, “Be more careful this time Trempwick,” he warned “You messed up with Stephan. You should have made it look as if he got entangled in weeds instead of just drowning ambiguously. Even now people still whisper murder. I will not have my reputation ruined because of a cripple and a nuisance” Up in the rafters Eleanor bit her lip to keep from making a noise – murder Her brother had been murdered (What else could it be but murder? He would never go swimming in the moat…too full of rubbish and weeds…) The man, Trempwick nodded slowly as though deep in thought, “As you wish Sire...although it seems to me a waste of talent.” The king didn’t look convinced, “Talent? What possible talent could she have apart from being the most infuriating princess in Christendom? That is scarcely a useful talent.” Trempwick chose his words carefully, “Of course it is not immediately obvious to a man such as yourself, Sire. You are too noble to see such deviousness as an advantage. The princess Eleanor would make an excellent secret agent, give her to me and I will train her.” Eleanor was barely listening now, just watching the scene in stunned disbelief. The king was also having difficulty believing his ears, “A princess as an agent Never”
“Exactly, Sire. Who would suspect a princess? She could go anywhere, do anything and few would ever suspect. If she died, well so what? She is expendable and at least this way you would get some use out of her.” (Expendable…it is always good to know your true worth…) The king leaned back in his throne, rubbing his chin and lost in thought. “This idea has…merit. But how can you be sure she would be good at it, and what will we do if she isn’t?”
“It will take years to train her; if she isn’t good enough we can dispose of her. As she will be older perhaps a nunnery would be more suitable? (I have spent more than 13 years keeping one pace ahead of the nuns…but for how much longer?) She could have a tragic accident and no one of import would ever know. I suggest you give her the choice Sire,” Trempwick looked up towards the roof at a small foot that could just be seen hanging out of the shadows, “Ask her right now which she would prefer – training or death.” The king was puzzled, “Ask her now? I shall send for her” Trempwick shock his head and pointed at the foot, “No need Sire – she is sat up in the roof beams, listening to our every word. And that is your proof she would be a good agent.” Eleanor jerked her foot back into the shadows too late. The king turned purple and leapt to his feet knocking the throne over “WHAT I’ll kill her myself I’ll flay her alive I’ll…”



“We leave in 15 minutes princess” Eleanor didn’t move, she kept staring out across the commanding view offered by the tower. Trempwick kept talking, “I suppose you are wondering how I found you, well the top of a tower isn’t the most usual place to find a princess but it wasn’t too hard. You seem to like high places with few people nearby.” Eleanor still didn’t move so Trempwick tried again, “Wherever you go, wherever you try to hide I will find you – feel free to test me on that but not for too long. You aren’t getting rid of me that easily but think of what you can learn from me”
“You killed my brother and I will never forget that.” Eleanor accused flatly, speaking carefully because of her split lip, as still as a statue. Trempwick sighed and tried to explain, “Your father killed him – I was just the one left to take care of the details”
“Those details included killing him. You murdered my brother and I will never forget that”
“And what do you plan to do about it?” inquired Trempwick. Eleanor turned around slowly and looked him in the eye, “Nothing. Nothing because there is nothing I can do except remember” Trempwick nodded gravely, “Congratulations princess you have grown up more in the last half day than in the past half year. Remember that while I may have killed your brother I just saved your life”
“By making me an assassin,” replied Eleanor bitterly, “an assassin, same as any common thug in a tavern”
“You think I like it any more than you? I am a noble, lurking in shadows and stabbing backs is just as dishonourable for me as it is for you princess. Remember - we are not assassins but agents and that means we do more than simple murder. We are the ones who keep this country running, not the king and all his fancy knights but us because we tidy up the loose ends, keep the powerful loyal and remove those who abuse the people. Those few we kill are traitors or scum of the lowest sort, or a danger to the kingdom.”
“Stephan was not a danger”
“He was – your father thought him unfit to take the throne so he posed a threat to the brother who does. If this kingdom is split between warring brothers we will be invaded by anyone with an army to spare. At least you avoided being a proper princess and can spend your days hiding in shadows, eavesdropping and all those other things you seem to enjoy, take some comfort from that. Did you say goodbye to your other siblings?” Eleanor mentally crossed her fingers and replied innocently, “No I’m not allowed to so I wouldn’t”
“I believe you” Trempwick patted Eleanor on the shoulder, catching one of the large bruises on her back and causing her to yelp in pain, “Ow Watch it”. This outburst unfortunately split her lip back open and blood started flowing down her chin. (I always wondered if he did that on purpose…most likely…well I was hardly going to damn Adele and Hugh by admitting to meeting them…) Trempwick stared at the princess and wondered out aloud “How I am meant to get you out of here unnoticed? Covered in bruises, bleeding lip, and God alone knows how you are going to sit in front of me on a horse without screaming all the time because you are going to get jolted into me and aggravate all your injuries.” (Of course you already knew several possibilities…you just wanted to see if I could spot a way…) Eleanor cuffed the blood off her chin with the back of her hand and stated confidently, “It’s simple – we leave quickly and I sit behind you so I don’t get bruises on my bruises and I won’t be screaming because that’s not dignified and since I’m leaving here as a princess I have play the part as expected or it draws more attention and then you’ll be annoyed and that probably isn’t a good thing.” Trempwick grinned, “I was right - you are going to be good at this Although you should try to talk like you were before, phrasing everything carefully does wonders for making you sound older and more intelligent Builds character too.”
“I thought you were nice at first” said Eleanor, still dabbing at her bleeding lip, “I liked you but you aren’t nice at all You swap between nice and mean and killer and courtier all the time and none of them are you really” (I still don’t know which of the many is real…none of them…) Trempwick stared down at her, looking as amused as he had back when they first met at the tree. “I think I prefer nice, but the rest are very useful. One day you will switch between many faces yourself princess, you already do that, changing from spoiled brat to somewhat likeable and back again So how about a deal – you stay somewhat likeable and I stay nice?” Eleanor didn’t even consider this, “Not possible because you said I’d be switching all the time so I won’t be staying anything and neither will you and that spoiled brat is a proper princess so I got to do it a lot for the rest of my life so I got to practise” Trempwick roared with laughter, “Well spotted And now princess we are leaving – at least I am and my advice is to be right behind me when I turn around” Trempwick abruptly changed back to his ‘nasty’ mode, “Or you may see me get upset and you wouldn’t like that” Just as abruptly Trempwick changed to carefree and walked out of the armoury whistling happily. (I hate the way he does that…flowing between personalities like water in a stream…) “Builds character?” wondered Eleanor, “What’s that supposed to mean?” with one final look at the view Eleanor turned and followed Trempwick.



“Your awake At last, I’ve been worried” Eleanor turned her head slightly and saw Fulk sat on a stool near her bedside. She relaxed - this was now, not then. Fulk smiled, “I know what you’re thinking, no it wasn’t me that dressed your wound. There’s a healer woman in the village, I got her to do it. You can tell because the bandaging is at least competent, unlike mine”
“Wound?” Eleanor managed to say with some effort.
“You don’t remember? Aye, well you have been sick. You were wounded in the fight with Meltone and his goons. Your left arm has been cut through to the bone, I bought you back to the castle. Now Meltone’s dead the people are more than happy to help us. You lost a lot of blood and were in a fever for days, we weren’t entirely sure you were going to survive. Now the fever’s gone and the wound is not infected you’ll be fine, as long as you don’t do something incredibly stupid like reopen the wound. Some of your muscles have been severed so you won’t be able to use that arm much. Fortunately the cut’s a clean one, it’ll heal well and you will be back to throwing rocks at me with both hands before you know it. Do you want a drink?” Eleanor nodded and Fulk got up and left. When he got back the princess was asleep.

When Eleanor next awoke it was dusk, looking around she saw the room was empty. She sat up carefully and waited for the room to stop spinning. Her arm had been neatly bandaged and put in a sling. Someone, and she was not going to ask who, had swapped the dress she had been wearing before for a clean one. “I’m not staying here and lying around, it’s more boring than a bunch of nuns I’m out of here” Taking a deep breath to steady herself and fighting a wave of nausea she stood up and stumbled over to the door. With some effort she managed to pull it open, only for Fulk to nearly fall through the open gap.
“What on earth do you think you are doing?” asked a shocked Eleanor.
“Standing guard.”
“You’ve been stood there propped up on the door asleep Only faithful old hounds are supposed to sleep outside their master’s doors”
“Woof, woof.” replied Fulk wryly, “Nice to see you up and about – now go and sit down You are waving about like a reed in a gale.”
“I’m fine Just fine…if the room would stop swaying it would help, very inconsiderate of it moving about like this”
“Either you sit down or I make you sit down princess.”
“I’d like to see you try fumbletoes I can take care of myself”
“Oh Majestically Stubborn One a small child could knock you out I could push you over by blowing on you, now sit”
“I thought you were supposed to be a bodyguard, not a paranoid mother hen If it will get me some peace I’ll sit down” Fulk quickly grabbed her good arm as she wobbled and nearly fell. He half carried her over to the bed and then went and brought his stool back in from outside and sat himself down. “Well at least you are back to your old self, insulting me and vastly overestimating yourself”
“You are a walking target for insults and I do not overestimate myself I just like to...er...utilise my skills to the maximum possible extent and constantly challenge myself to do better. Yes, that’s it.”
“If you say so” replied Fulk uncertainly, “I must admit the last few days without your endless abuse have been rather dull.”
“You appear to have saved my life,” admitted Eleanor quietly, “I don’t know what to say”
“It was my…honour” replied Fulk before smiling and adding, “Besides my life would get so dull without you. I’d miss the constant death threats, the thrown missiles, the poisoned food-”
“Hey I haven’t actually tried to poison anything yet”

They sat in silence for a while, finally Fulk spoke, “You could have told me, you know.” Eleanor froze, “Told you what?”
“You already know what I mean.” Fulk looked at Eleanor, his face unreadable. “Elfgifu told me you are covered with bruises, ‘like a training dummy’ she said, ‘wonder I didn’t break bones’ - she thought I’d done it Why didn’t you tell me?”
“So we are back to this again are we? Why can’t you mind your own business”
“This is my business”
“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – shut up”
“This certainly explains a lot – why you were so afraid to go back after the first mission, why you were so touchy about the audience, why-”
“Yes, fine. Point made.” interrupted Eleanor; “It’s a cruel world, live with it.” She stood up with some effort and started pacing up and down the room, “Look, he is the King and my father so it is his right to do what he wants. This is the 14th century you know. He has a murderous temper and being a big butch warrior he generally finds it easier to hit people when things don’t go how he wants. I’m lucky – I’m still alive. Many are not so fortunate. We are all disposable, mere playing pieces in the game of power...only the heir has some worth.”
“Happy families, royal style?” asked Fulk.
“Something like that.” Eleanor halted next to the window, “Or perhaps simply survival in the game of life.”
“So why didn’t you tell me?”
“You are utterly relentless, you know that?” Eleanor glared at Fulk before turning and staring out of the window, “I already told you I don’t want to see what you would choose when forced to decide between your oath to me and your life”
“I think you should know, I would-”
“I don’t want to know” interrupted Eleanor but this time Fulk was determined to finish. “I would break my oath.”
“Fine.” Eleanor’s shoulders slumped, “Fine. What else could you do? I understand. Been expecting that for a while now.”
“The oath is meaningless and has no worth, I never intended to keep it.”
“Clearly.” Tears stared to trickle down Eleanor’s face, “Then leave – go and never return if that is what you want And after all the fuss you made back on the road…”
“Fuss? I wasn’t angry because you lied, or because you didn’t trust me…well not entirely. I was more hurt that you wouldn’t let me help you”
“What could you possibly have done to help? Something noble and stupid? Get yourself killed, leaving me all alone? Or perhaps you could have been an appreciative audience, clapping and calling for an encore, maybe even awarding points for particularly spectacular falls” Fulk went and stood next to her by the window. Carefully he placed his hand on her shoulder and turned her to face him, “You wouldn’t have to pretend you weren’t worried every time we went back to the manor. You wouldn’t need to hide your pain. You could have saved time and energy thinking up lies for me. I could have got medicines for your injuries, could have distracted you from your pain, could have held you while you cried – princess there are many things I can do to help without being even slightly noble”
“If you say all that why is the oath meaningless?” asked Eleanor as Fulk used the hem of his cloak to dry her tears. “Because, as I have been trying to tell you ever since I realised it as we left the manor, duty is nothing to friendship and friendship is nothing compared to love. This is the first time anyone has been worth me keeping my word…but for reasons past mere duty.”
“If you are saying what I think you are saying…”
“I am proclaiming my love for you – or at least trying, I would say something about loving you for a long time but not knowing how much, and you showing me a way to be better than the nothing I was before but that would be embarrassing - I’d trip over my own words and make a huge mess out of it I knew listening to those blasted minstrels was a bad idea This would be why I hate doing speeches It would have helped if you didn’t keep interrupting, but yes I am making a mess of this and I probably shouldn’t have tried to be fancy but I haven’t done this before and that’s life, live and learn, he who dares wins…er, I should probably shut up now.” Fulk became more and more flustered as he spoke; by the time he finished he looked as though he wished the ground would open up and swallow him. Eleanor smiled for the briefest of moments before shaking her head sadly, “And so we have failed after all”
“Failed? That sounds ominous”
“While we were hiding the truth in plain sight, only suspecting but never certain of what the other felt we were safe. Now you have neatly destroyed that safety and plunged us into a trap we cannot escape. No way forward, no way back – we are trapped in the awkward situation of knowing precisely what we feel but never being able to do anything, needing to be careful never to let anyone see the truth, always being suspicious and watching our backs.”
“Er…we?” Fulk asked, obviously teasing. Eleanor rose to the bait, “Well I’d hardly be crying if I didn’t care, would I?” she said dryly, “besides you already figured that out, possibly because I am new to all this and not as good at hiding these things as you. Possibly because I am still stood here slightly too close for propriety while you gaze at me with a funny look in your eyes, as opposed to re-breaking your nose before fleeing in appropriately modest horror”
“Good points. Congratulations Oh Eloquent One - you had the sense to skip the bardics, unlike me”
“Oh shut up” she said placidly, “Why couldn’t you have accepted what I said before and left it at that? If only you had been sensible enough to forget what the healer told you - then we wouldn’t be in this fine mess”
“You’re talking in halves again – try explaining everything for those of us not intimately familiar with court intrigue. If you’d done that in the first place-“
“If I’d done that in the first place you would still have done your little ‘love is greater than duty’ speech and we would still be in this mess” exclaimed Eleanor waving a finger in Fulk’s face and nearly falling over. Fulk caught and steadied her, “since you insist on standing up why don’t you lean on me instead of falling over? I am getting tired of scraping you off the floor”
“Poetic” replied Eleanor as she leaned against him and Fulk wrapped his arm around her shoulders. Wearily she explained, “In the last few hours that I remember I have watched a man being battered beyond recognition, fled for my life, fought for our lives, nearly died, argued with you, confirmed my suspicions on your dopey feelings, confirmed your suspicions on my dopey feelings, and I think that is quite enough for one day.”
“That was more than a week you described Leave explanations until you are feeling better then, you’re not exactly in the pink of health – in fact you look like you are half dead”
“Why thank you Do you always compliment your beloved like that?”
“You may have noticed that I have been doing it for some time, Dewdrop of Amazing Clarity”
“Yes, I had noticed that you chain mail wearing twit You know this is all beginning to resemble one of those stupid love stories everyone is always going on about”
“Yes, I suppose it is. There is one thing missing though”
“Missing?” ask Eleanor curiously. Fulk leaned down and kissed her “Oh Yes, missing” Eleanor mumbled, blushing furiously. Trying to hide her embarrassment she averted her gaze and saw with horror that they were still right next to the window. “Oh you idiot” Eleanor batted Fulk’s arm off using her injured arm in her panic, and pulled away from him, “This is exactly what I meant when I said this was dangerous” spots of blood were beginning to appear her bandaged arm, “Right next to a window where anyone could have seen us” she wobbled and Fulk stepped forward and caught her as she fell, “You could have at least stepped a few paces sideways…” she passed out before she could finish.

“Welcome back to the land of the living.” Eleanor turned her head to the source of the voice and demanded, “ What on earth are you doing here?”
“Waiting for you to wake up. This time you are staying put, not traipsing all over the castle and fighting me.” Fulk got up from his seat at her side and pulled one of Eleanor’s rings out of his belt pouch, “Remember how I said you’d be fine as long as you did nothing stupid like reopening your wound? Well congratulations stupid, when you swatted me you reopened the wound. Do anything else stupid and you will kill yourself” Fulk waved the ring under her nose, “Knowing you I’m not expecting you to take a blind bit of notice so I thought I’d warn you I’m going to drug you and leave you asleep for a month if you don’t stay put”
“That ring is poison, the rings with sleep inducing drugs are the ones with gems not gold work decorations.” retorted Eleanor, “Anyway you don’t know the dosage so you would either kill me or it would have no effect. I am not stupid enough to leave these things lying around ready for use”
“Fine,” replied Fulk. A grin slowly spread across his face, “then I’ll just have to tie you to the bed”
“Wouldn’t work. You’d have to leave my wounded arm free and then I would be able to untie myself.” countered Eleanor.
“I could lock the door and throw away the key”
“I have lock picks remember.”
“Maybe filling in the doorway then?”
“I’d climb out the window”
“Alright, you win.” Fulk held up his hands as if surrendering, “I’ll just have to stay right by your side until you are healed and stop you doing anything stupid.”
“You can forget that Anyway this whole mess is mostly your fault”
“How do you arrive at that conclusion, Outstandingly Majestic One?”
“The window, remember? You have the subtlety of a war hammer to the face Add to that the brains of a retarded newt and the common sense of an inbred Emperor who believes he is made of glass and I get this creeping feeling of impending doom” the princess said matter-of-factly, “You need cunning in a situation like this”
“Fancy some soup?”
“What?”
“Soup. Build your strength up” Eleanor was still puzzled so Fulk elaborated, “The thing with soup is you can’t drink it lying down and if you are too weak to sit up on your own you need a convenient person to support you. Cunning enough for you?” Eleanor smiled slowly, “Very cunning indeed” Fulk puffed up with exaggerated pride, “Well I did learn from a master, or should that be mistress, of the art.”

Half an hour later Fulk was sat with Eleanor resting against him, her head pillowed on his shoulder and an empty soup bowl in his hand. “You know a sick person could accidentally doze off while sat like this” murmured the princess drowsily, “Congratulations, I am promoting you to honorary royal pillow…”
“An accolade to be sure You’d best remember that you are supposed to be asleep if anyone appears” replied Fulk looking down at her only to find that she was asleep, “Oh, well you’re way ahead of me on that” Fulk brushed a strand of hair away from Eleanor’s face, “See, I told you I could help.” he whispered.


One week later.

Fulk and Eleanor were in the small walled off garden at the back of the castle enjoying the early winter sun when the peace was shattered by the arrival of a man in expensive clothes accompanied by four armoured guards. “I am looking for a Fulk Fitzwilliam,” demanded the man rudely. Fulk turned to face the man and replied “Then you need look no further.”
“I have a message for you from the king. Send that girl away – it is confidential.”
“You are obviously not aware that I am princess Eleanor, the youngest daughter of the king of England. I am going nowhere.” said Eleanor politely, wishing she wasn’t sat on a bench with Fulk’s arm around her waist, looking like a lovesick girl caught with her suitor. The situation was not looking promising. “Humph” grunted the man, “That saves me some effort, I have a message for you as well. Now I can take care of both at once.” The man walked over to Fulk and held out a piece of parchment, as Fulk reached out to take it the man punched him hard in the shoulder. Fulk leapt to his feet ready to fight while Eleanor seized the opportunity and slowly toppled sideways into the herb bed next to the bench, twisting as she fell to land with her injured arm tucked out of the way. Before the scene could get messy the man spoke “Be thou a knight. Congratulations Sir Fulk, the king has granted you knighthood in exchange for saving his daughter’s life. You may have your father’s name and coat of arms. The fief of Hiddulth is now yours in return for your faithful service.” The man handed Fulk the parchment, “Here is the king’s order in writing, I am sure you will be able to find someone to read it to you.”
“No need – I can read it myself” replied Fulk tersely as he tucked the parchment into his belt, picked Eleanor up and set her back down on the bench, ”you alright?” she nodded, and Fulk turned to the messenger again but kept hold of Eleanor’s elbow to hold her up; “Who are you and why can’t you deliver your messages in a more polite tone? You nearly got yourself killed”
“I am sir Toryn, messenger to the king and ex royal tutor.” Toryn turned to the princess, “You have grown since I last saw you your Highness. The king your father is most distressed to hear of your latest mission and requests you return home at once. However it appears you are more badly hurt than we had heard and the trip is not possible. This leaves me to deliver my alternate message: you will stay here until your fate is decided” he held out a parchment and Eleanor took it, “Now my job is done” Toryn bowed slightly and turned on his heel before marching away followed by his guards.
“Ex royal tutor?” inquired Fulk, “One of yours I presume? How did you scare that old hay stuffed hauberk off?”
“Simple, I always insisted he obey protocol to the letter, bowing and scraping all the time. That annoyed him immensely and made up for the tedium I had to sit through in being so proper. I politely declined his every request for me to do something, if he tried to order me to do something I reminded him that he couldn’t give orders to a member of the royal family, and generally refused to do anything while getting on his nerves. He decided getting killed in Ireland was preferable to another 9 years of me; it appears he survived. Anyway forget that – you are a knight”
“Yes, Sir Fulk, lord of Hiddulth and bodyguard to princess Eleanor the Unconventional.” Fulk listened carefully until he caught the sound of 5 horses leaving the castle, “Care to explain the fall? You aren’t quite that sick anymore”
“I needed to convince them that the only reason we were sat there like a pair of young loves is that I was too weak to sit on my own – you don’t think I like falling into plants, do you? I am covered in leaves and soil, and I nearly flattened my arm yet again” Eleanor picked a leaf off her dress and scowled at it. “If he got the wrong, or right depending on how you look at it, impression we would be having a polite chat with a ballistic king, a polite chat including an axe through your neck and a rope around mine”
“Once again with the half story – care to explain just why we would be having that polite chat?”
“Not really, no. Right now we have more important things to worry about” she struggled to break the seal on her message one handed so Fulk took the letter and opened it before handing it back. Eleanor read it and slowly turned pale, “Listen to this” she read the note out aloud, “At last you finally managed to get something right What the hell took you so long, damn useless mistakes Of course you can never do anything perfectly, can you? That would be too much to ask God save me from daughters like you I need you for another mission and you go and get yourself half killed What possible use is that? Fine, stay put and heal – if you drop dead when you just got useful I will make you wish you’d never been born”
“Er…”stuttered Fulk, unsure of what to say. Eleanor laughed, “Don’t worry - that is a highly complimentary letter It has been toned down by the scribe to remove the ranting and swearing but all the same that is highly complimentary – this mission was my last chance, remember? And he is happy with the result so I live another day”
“Toned down? I don’t think I want to hear the full version” Fulk opened and slowly read his own letter, “By His Majesty the King, William VI of England, Wales, Ireland, Scotland and France – France?”
“He claims he is the rightful king, even though he only holds several provinces” explained Eleanor, “It gives him an interest in life.”
“Ah, right. Now where was I? King of blah, blah…ah yes, dictated to his humble scribe. Greetings I hear you saved my daughter’s life; well it’s good to hear of a chap being useful to his king Next time try not to let her get nearly killed – if she dies you die, got that? Good Now I hear you are a bit of a fighter Well I need fighters and it is customary to dish out some expensive and extravagant award to a chap who saves your daughter and all that, your father was a knight I am told. So you are now a knight – take the name Destier and the arms of your father and get the heck on with it Oh better give you a fief too, take that place you are in now…Fiddulth or whatever it’s called, after all it is vacant now Ha Damn good joke that, don’t you think? Well upset me and the joke will be on you and I’ll turn your head into a paperweight No thieving, murdering and all that guff, pay your taxes on time and don’t get ideas above your station” Fulk looked up from his letter, “Did he really say that or was that edited as well?”
“Edited” replied Eleanor instantly, “Again the swearing is removed but the sentiment is the same – ‘thanks, have a cheap gift’. So you are a knight, just as you always wanted. Congratulations
“Yes, but now I’m not sure what difference it will make”
“Plenty, and at the same time none. You will see”
“What did he mean by ‘ideas above your station’?” asked Fulk. Eleanor considered the question for a split second before answering, “That is his way of telling you that knights don’t do all those things you mentioned back on the road.”
“And the joke?”
“Don’t ask me, I have no idea You realise you have a problem now, don’t you?”
“I assume you’re referring to my definite lack of spurs, lances and all those other expensive knightly bits and pieces?”
“Yes. You should have been given them by the king but that would cost money, it appears I am not worth all that much when it comes to rewards”
“Yes, well no…that is the king is a skinflint and you can’t help that. The money I found at my mother’s will only begin to cover this. I can repaint my shield myself, find a pair of spurs lying around somewhere and since I have no warhorse I don’t need a lance From here the only way is up…I can sell off most of the bandits equipment and gain some money that way.”
“No, you will need that equipment for the troops you are required by law to maintain. I am not going to get cut to pieces again so you can gain a second fief and more money – I shall lean on our quartermaster and see if I can get some knightly baggage provided at cost to the crown without the crown finding out. Miscellaneous expenses or some such neat category.”
“Is that likely?”
“Once I point out that a princess needs a proper knight as an escort, not some man in battered armour minus a warhorse I am sure they will see the light. I can’t do posh princess when I am being followed around by someone as pathetic as you.”
“Well I’m glad that’s settled I wouldn’t want to shame you on your royal tours.”
“Good” Eleanor brushed more earth off her dress, “Now if you want to make yourself useful you can help me get rid of all these leaves”
“As you wish Oh Beshrubbed One, although I do feel the greenery contrasts nicely with the burgundy of your kirtle. What are you going to do with your unexpected holiday?”
“Take up archery, practise my sword fighting, learnt to wrestle - you know, the usual”
“And you’ll be doing all this one handed – very impressive”
“You know I think I shall go quite mad I have got nothing to do, nothing at all…the idea of sitting around playing chess with you for weeks-“
“Months” interrupted Fulk cheerfully, “At least a month and even then you’ll still not be able to use that arm well, it takes time to heal from serious wounds – been through it myself when I got shot by the French.”
“Months, yes thank you for that Anyway it is a long time and I shall be highly bored.”
“I’ll have to see what I can do to keep you amused” said Fulk as he picked a bit of twig out of her hair
“Don’t go getting any funny ideas – my reputation is my life, a tiny speck of mud on it will send me on a one-way visit to those nuns. Just because I am still weak doesn’t mean I can keep propping myself up on you, it is hardly correct court manners and if I do it for too long word will work its way back…however for now I do feel rather dizzy”
“Well you have fallen off a bench, and that messenger couldn’t have done your fragile health any good, not to mention you’re still ill anyway…”
“Exactly. I just don’t know how I manage to keep going, and just when I was beginning to feel a bit stronger too.”
“Then you’d best lean on me until you feel better.” Fulk put his arm around her, “And we’d best not move until that dizziness subsides – wouldn’t want you falling over or fainting again.”

A short while later old Thorfin arrived to do his gardening, as he opened the door he spotted Fulk and Eleanor still sat on their bench. Silently he closed the door again and settled down on the outside of the garden, guarding the door. “Reckon they’ve earned a bit of peace.”





And so the mammoth tale ends Roll on the next part.. http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/tongue.gif

Proper commentary tomorrow – it’s 12:47AM here That little segment is 18 pages long. The whole of tale 4 is 36 pages long The previous tales were only 5ish pages each.

Yes this is different to the ending that the festive special followed on from, major elements are the same but little details…well there had to be some surprises. The festive version carried on from the altered ending I tried to write to avoid faffing around with all the hard to write stuff you see up there But as I have said from the start I can’t alter things or it makes no sense, enter ending version 2057 this time the real one.

And now you see why this tale had to be written with the ending in mind, why he needed something to say. Except in the comedy she didn’t get hurt, there were no maltreated peasants, no mad dogs, no dead mother, no flashbacks, no battered princesses, no Fulk getting his father killed, no discussions on ‘nothings’, and it was all a lot shorter There are a multitude of small differences between the two versions, e.g. in the comedy she was 7 when she became an agent, now she was 5. They basically said what they say now but without the bits relevant to the ‘nasty’ version, result was the same as this version ends up being in the amended Christmas special (very different to the one out there, almost an entirely new story) From here they headed off to meet their ‘end’ on an exploding cart while dealing with some upstart baron who had a pile of the stuff. Cart goes boom, it appears they are dead but they aren’t and so she flings the crown and off they go to travel the world.

Now they have a small moment of peace before heading back into the fray…stuff that I won’t ruin, there is no crown ditching, no running away from it all. And then an ending that manages to balance credibility and soppiness http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/tongue.gif

So next up is Interlude: Refuge aka the festive Eleanor rewritten to actually follow on properly and advance the plot.

[frogbeastegg]

Comments for the first half – the beginning of the segment until the end of the fight.

small beer a very weak beer that is practically non-alcoholic, as opposed to a little bit of beer. Since the waters not safe this is what most people drink, small beer, small ale, small whatever.

“And you are obnoxiously chirpy this morning.” agreed I hate people who do this, she’s just evil

“The last one” agreed again Good plan http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/bigthumb.gif

“Don’t ask me” gasped Eleanor in a very good impression of real horror, “Probably something so depraved an innocent like myself couldn’t even begin to guess” http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-stunned.gif Well I suppose she does have a point – who could guess that Fulk was running around the forest unescorted with a princess, murdering four people and stealing a rotting head?

“Whatever you were doing must have been highly…draining.” http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-stunned.gif I have no idea what she’s getting at That comment could mean anything, it’s all down to the listener to decide the meaning. It can sound incredibly innocent or incredibly umm, not It’s a comment I shall have to borrow from her and save for a suitable occasion http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-grin.gif

“Thorfin, old man who does the gardening at the castle? Was a friend of your parents? Village headman? Ringing any bells yet?” this is the mysterious old man from the Christmas special, given a name and brought back to rejoin the world of common sense And this is his motivation for helping them, he likes them and he knows what they are…sort of.

“You’re a shrewd young lady”
“No, just a shrew” http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/joker.gif

You know the law people have been exploiting for years, when an unmarried couple spend the night under the same roof without relatives or chaperones present they are classed as married, getting me neatly out of a mess with my fortune intact. Plenty of rich heiresses have been abducted so someone can claim their money legally, and plenty of heiresses have seized the opportunity to marry a man of their choosing. Yup, that’s real medieval. The assumption is that the two people slept together and that therefore they had jolly well better get married thank you very much, so to save them the fuss of nipped down the church and possibly not bothering the law just states they are married regardless of what they did. So maybe you are wondering why don’t they do that then, solves all their problems as it allows low status people to marry high status people. Well yes it does but they have to survive afterwards and that wouldn’t be likely with Mr. Happy King. Also that would be just a tad premature at this point This is how Robert the Bruce of Scotland’s parents got married, she didn’t want to be married off to another old man of the kings choosing so she kidnapped some unfortunate young man and the rest is history. The king raved for a bit, but cheered up after he extracted a hefty fine from them. So it is possible…if you get a somewhat sympathetic king.

“Although I sometimes wonder if I was insane” probably http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-yes.gif

She blushed slightly she is completely and utterly hopeless She was the one who started the story off in the first place, granted Fulk didn’t quite have to barge in with that but all the same the implication was already there. Methinks she would have strangled him later if she had the chance I also think she is wishing she had been able to think of another excuse

“Why do you always have to revert to squeamish at the worse possible times? someone asked why Fulk wasn’t surprised when she went from cool assassin to squeamish and back again earlier. The answer is he’s seen it several times before but that’s in the bits cut out of the comedies. Nothing funny about an agent being squeamish.

From, here on out it is nothing but an endless parade of stuff I don’t write very well. No wonder it took more than a month to mash this into some kind of shape.

:Wyatt going crunch: someone asked me if the battered peasants came with chips, possibly on their shoulders. No but he does have (fish) fingers http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/shock.gif I feel sick.

“You always did want a nose to match mine.” what is it with these people and broken noses? I just don’t see the attraction http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/confused.gif

Eleanor quickly drew a knife and threw it, hitting the man in the chest that is only the second person she has killed, somehow it seems like she has dispatched more but Aidney and this bandit are the only ones on the list. Lucky them?

As Eleanor and Fulk rounded a bend in the road from here on out this bit has been written for weeks, only receiving the occasional tweak to a word or two.

“I haven’t forgotten your promise to gut me like a fish, but I think you will find you are the fish today” could be worse – could have been squash you like a frog

“I think our best plan is to kill them and not die ourselves.” she’s a strategic genius That matches my best battle plans for cunning and fine detail – my plan is “kill the enemy and don’t lose too many men”

:fight: somehow still not exactly right but since I haven’t written many fights that’s no surprise. It works and for now that is enough.

And so for the comments on the flashbacks, the window scene (from “When Eleanor next awoke it was dusk” to ‘“See, I told you I could help.” he whispered.’), and the ending for the tale. Much Eleanor and Fulk teasing ahead – this took me forever to do and they certainly gave me more trouble than I deserve. Payback time.

and dragging her into the middle of a fight – you’re a disgrace” poor Fulk, as if he can do anything when 5 armoured goons descend to kill them http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/joker.gif

“But you’re older and bigger and stronger and you’re a squire now” the first of many run on sentences Young Eleanor drives me mad You should only use ‘and’ before the last item in the list

Eleanor drew herself up to her full short height and glared at her brother’s chest, five year old shorty Eleanor talking to her tall 14 year old brother is an amusing sight – she’s talking to his belt buckle practically

If they can’t find me they can’t turn me into a proper princess” I’m with Trempwick on this – oh what outstanding logic http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-dizzy2.gif

and I’m a princess so there” urge to strangle brat rising…must keep control…Gah Kill Gah http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-smash.gif

Eleanor shuffled her feet, “Not allowed to, s’not ladylike” she mumbled. Oh dear lord I think I’m going to be sick

you need to grow a lot before you can do the indignant royal act properly – you are too short to be impressively overbearing now” Please bear with me as I apply my size 5 ½ narrow fit boot: Not only do I have the height to do her princess poses but I also have the figure and glare too, so I am far better at that than her ~:P :Eleanor is heard to say “and you have the grace of a drunken clown While you may be able to stand impressively the moment you move, well let’s just say the illusion ends oh webfooted one”: http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/mecry.gif no fair This is supposed to be my chance to get my own back, not my chance to get insulted even more

“I know lots of things” and apparently when to shut up is not one of them

“My youngest daughter is impossible She has scared off another tutor; this one would rather fight in Ireland than stay here with her. It is time for her to have a tragic accident, perhaps she could fall off the castle’s battlements?” heh, this is back before the king got shot in the leg and his bad temper turned into murderous temper No swearing etc all the time. All the same Eleanor got ported out of this one unconscious.

“You killed my brother and I will never forget that.” Finally Not only is she talking properly but she has actually grown up a lot My patience is restored http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

“By making me an assassin,” replied Eleanor bitterly, “an assassin, same as any common thug in a tavern” I assume what she really means is “I don’t want to kill people” but she at least has the sense to see saying that would be a very bad idea indeed. I assume…

switch from spoiled brat to somewhat likeable and back again nice to see I’m not alone in thinking this.

I could push you over by blowing on you” it’s all that garlic he eats, I mean honestly http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/tongue.gif

“It was my…honour” an interesting comment that can mean so many things. Could be that he was happy to help, could be that he almost considers it a ‘reward’ to help out. Could be that he thinks it is honourable in the sense of ‘saving the damsel’. Maybe that he kept his word and that brings him honour. Possibly that he thinks it will bring him honours like a knighthood. Could be that he did this because it was the only way to preserve that sense honour he is just beginning to scrape together. May be that looking back at what he did he is proud that he did the harder of the possibilities and risked his own skin for something he believes instead of running away as he usually does and that this gives him a feeling that binds in with both honour and conscience of doing well or ‘honourably’, bit like saying ‘it was the right thing to do’. I think the last one is most likely in the end, with a bit of the others thrown in…a sign of how much he has changed.

“I already told you I don’t want to see what you would choose when forced to decide between your oath to me and your life” Liar. Well sort of, more truthfully she doesn’t want to lose him. Before she was quite sure he would save her and die so she dumped him out of the way and told Mr Ballistic Tempered King “so sorry but I sent him away” and that is why he lost his temper so badly he hit her where it could be seen. Now she is equally sure he wants walk away and leave her and she would rather he just left without saying anything. Originally she thought if he couldn’t finish the speech then he couldn’t leave, but then she rethought that and as she said in the forest “If you want to go then I will not stop you”. Both assumptions are slightly wrong – when she thinks he’d help he would probably twiddle his thumbs and do nothing, when she thinks he would leave he would stay. Bit sad really. What really annoys me is the way she doesn’t think laterally or in colour or whatever you want to call it. All she needs to is tell him the truth and ask him to stay out of the way. Of course she doesn’t think of that http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/rolleyes.gif Mind you all Fulk needs to do is keep talking very loudly when she cuts him off and that would fix this mess they have worked themselves into just as well as her thinking properly Gah Pair of idiots

Fulk used the hem of his cloak to dry her tears. medieval Kleenex? (brand of tissues for those not in the UK) No tissue handy to blot those tears you caused with your dumb long-winded speeches? Simple, use the hem of your cloak Inventive, if nothing else.

“Or perhaps simply survival in the game of life.” or maybe even survival in the game of medieval: total war? http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/ht_shrug.gif http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/tongue.gif

“If you say all that why is the oath meaningless?” yes very important question. Just in case it isn’t clear enough I shall go over it, some of this was lost in the simple comedy but much (about 85% of the possible total) of it is still there if you look and at least 1 person has spotted it as far as I know. Originally Fulk had no intention of keeping his word, he was not the ‘chivalrous knight’. Right at the start when we first meet him he is serving a traitor knowing what he is and despising him for it and yet he simply won’t up and leave. Fulk tells himself that this is because he gave his word and must stay because of that, the simple truth he won’t admit is that he wants the money and in the small chance Aidney pulls his scheme off Fulk is right in line for a plum job and title and he is ambitious enough to want that plum job and title. Throughout the first three and most of the fourth stories he does things that are not at all ‘chivalrous’ or even decent – he is very serious in his insults at the beginning, mildly annoyed by her claim to her title he twists it up into the royal equivalent of ‘stinking peasant’. Fortunately she doesn’t actually like her title (before anyone asks why she used her title if she hates it, well she was hoping to awe him into giving up so they didn’t end up fighting as she knows she would lose) so she finds this amusing, it would be a very short story otherwise (No, not because the romance would be missing but because she would be dead. She’s not going to be able to kill Fulk in an equal fight for…oh another 5 years or so and even then it’s a close thing that could go either way since they both know each other’s tricks and weaknesses, er I’m saying she gets the skill to do that, not actually that she kills him) The way he phrases it she can’t object because “that is what they call their princesses in a far off land”, or in other words I am going to insult you and you WILL put up with it It is only at the start tale 2 where he starts to mean it as the more joking/complimentary thing. He tramples all over her feelings when she is obviously hurt and upset, he cares far more for his own safety than for hers, he sees her as a meal ticket and a sure shot to promotion (but only for a few days, then he starts to like her), and many other things I can’t be bothered to list here – Fulk is a 2 page essay and that barely scratches the surface He is the more complex of the two by a long shot, and in some ways is the one who grows more steadily - she has two sudden ‘growth spurts’ where she grows up almost overnight, one when she is five and finds out how her brother dies, about her arranged murder etc and one when…well, you will see Yes he does love her for most of the story, but he doesn’t realise how much until the argument on the road in this tale. Before he would have saved himself not her and been quite happy about it once he got used to missing her. But then he realised that he doesn’t want to lose her, that he would never forgive himself for just giving up, and that he would rather help her than help himself. It is at that point he starts the “br-“ thing, trying to explain but of course he messes it up and she won’t listen (and poor old froggy gets annoyed with both of them). It is from this part onwards that he slowly becomes the ‘chivalrous’ man some thought he was before. Her little pep talk on being a nothing combined with realising how much he does care prompt him to notice that what he wants is to like himself and to be happy. As long as she is alive and he is protecting her he is happy, and he doesn’t hate himself for being a coward, failing her, losing the one person he actually cares about, throwing away the strange opportunity that is making him into a person he likes, for lying to himself. But if he loses her…

As he says keeping the oath would be nothing but duty and he was never interested in that, but protecting her out of choice, well that goes far beyond duty. Eventually he grows even more and starts doing more ‘good’ things simply because they are good, not just because it related to Eleanor or to how he views himself. To me it is only now he starts to get likeable as a person, and this is one of the most telling differences between Eleanor and me – Fulk wouldn’t have got 1/16th of an inch with me.

In many ways that throw away insignificant comment from the start of tale 2 sums Fulk’s journey up very well: “It’s the company; you princesses have such a refining effect on us common folk.” Hers would be: “I’m a princess I can’t just up and run” from the end of the same tale. I didn’t have that in mind when I wrote that bit but in the end those two lines encapsulate everything they are, do, and become, in her case mostly for reasons I can’t explain yet due to spoilers

“If you are saying what I think you are saying…” sensible girl Always check vague sentiments before joining in http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/tongue.gif

[frogbeastegg]

I had to split this up to get under the smiley limt

“I am proclaiming my love for you – or at least trying, I would say something about you showing me a way to be better than the nothing I was before but that would be embarrassing and I’d trip over my own words and make a huge mess out of it I knew listening to those blasted minstrels was a bad idea This would be why I hate doing speeches It would have helped if you didn’t keep interrupting, but yes I am making a mess of this and I probably shouldn’t have tried to be fancy but I haven’t done this before and that’s life, live and learn, he who dares wins…er, I should probably shut up now.” yes he probably should shut up now Oh dear what a mess, this man needs serious help If he had skipped all this fancy speech rubbish he could have said this right back at the beginning Oh and by the way that is one big fat cliché that belongs in some heart-warming Hollywood flick featuring a bunch of big name, no talent actors warbling away on some message about how it’s what’s inside a person that counts, and despite the heroine being quite pretty she is called ugly until Lead Male takes an interest in her. It probably needs a pink movie poster and a lot of blurbs about it being a wonderful romantic comedy that will have you in tears. Sick bucket please

“Well I’d hardly be crying if I didn’t care, would I?” she said dryly a crying princess talking dryly? Lol Waterworks http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/mecry.gif

Possibly because I am still stood here slightly too close for propriety while you gaze at me with a funny look in your eyes, as opposed to re-breaking your nose before fleeing in appropriately modest horror” I’d say that was the giveaway, well that and the way she keeps going pink and stuff She’s hopeless I only hope she can do a better job later on…well I know exactly what kind of a job she does but you don’t and it’s a figure of speech anyway Watching her try to re-break his nose with one arm in a sling and being as feeble as a feeble thing would be interesting, as would seeing her try and run for it in modest horror – she can barely stand so running would be very, um, interesting I left out the neat details like the fact she feels very sick and dizzy since somehow ‘Fulk leaned down and kissed her “Oh Yes, missing” Eleanor mumbled, blushing furiously and feeling like she was about to throw up’ just doesn’t have that certain something to it….

“since you insist on standing up why don’t you lean on me instead of falling over? I am getting tired of scraping you off the floor” credit where it’s due – that is quite slick http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/tongue.gif And so begin the many excuses for doing things they shouldn’t…

“Why thank you Do you always compliment your beloved like that?”
“You may have noticed that I have been doing it for some time, Dewdrop of Amazing Clarity”
“Yes, I had noticed that you chain mail wearing twit” and for those who haven’t got the insult thing by now (and yes I have had mail on this) I think they highlight that very well. It is all one big compliment kind of joke thing – can’t say what you mean, say something else that can only be understood by those looking for the other meaning. Or to steal from ‘The Princess Bride’ which I read after writing this “When Westley said ‘as you wish’ what he really meant was ‘I love you’”.

Fulk leaned down and kissed her I would write princess Shorty a box to stand on but I fear she’d break it over my head I’ll just quietly leave them to get spinal injuries from the significant height difference then. http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-grin.gif

“Right next to a window where anyone could have seen us” hence the code name ‘window scene’. Aren’t I inventive? http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-yes.gif

“Fancy some soup?” as Baldric from Blackadder always says “I have a cunning plan”.

“You have the subtlety of a war hammer to the face Add to that the brains of a retarded newt and the common sense of an inbred Emperor who believes he is made of glass and I get this creeping feeling of impending doom” that has to be my favourite line in the whole first 4 tales, neat wording, lovely natural rhythm, the way she says it is excellent, and it is damned funny to boot I have to find a way to use that one in everyday life.

Fulk brushed a strand of hair away from Eleanor’s face, “See, I told you I could help.” he whispered you have no idea how much pain and work went into that one line Honestly it took more than a month to get it right See the version they show me carries on for a bit longer, but if I write it as I see it you end up with ‘and she was asleep for several hours and absolutely nothing happened. Fulk got cramp in his arm and he couldn’t find a way to get rid of the soup bowl without waking her up, leaving him feeling like some kind of royal table/pillow combination’ and somehow methinks that is rubbish The end result is a combination of time acceleration, time compression, missing bits out, and very careful planning It actually works well and I suppose it is quite sweet really…but it’s still rather ‘bad movie with pink poster and critical acclaim’.

looking like a lovesick girl pray indulge me as I get my revenge on my troublesome leading lady yet again: She looks like a lovesick girl because she is a love sick girl :froggy runs for cover as Eleanor explodes into full fury:

“I am sure you will be able to find someone to read it to you.” at this time reading was an uncommon ability.

That annoyed him immensely and made up for the tedium I had to sit through and is presumably why Toryn pretended to mistake (he would have been given a description of her so he knows he’s giving the message to the right person) her for a peasant to begin with – revenge for bowing too much to the younger Eleanor.

“If he got the wrong, or right depending on how you look at it, impression we would be having a polite chat with a ballistic king, a polite chat including an axe through your neck and a rope around mine”
“Once again with the half story – care to explain just why we would be having that polite chat?”
“Not really, no not now, no but soon…

Why is it the phrase ‘ballistic king’ makes me think of the king being fired out of a catapult? William VI flying through the air ranting and raving away about his daughter and Fulk http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/joker.gif

Damn good joke that, don’t you think? Don’t ask me either Eleanor doesn’t get it, and neither do I Incidentally the king reminds me of Brain Blessed for those who have seen I, Claudius his ranting etc. sounds a lot like Augustus.

“As you wish Oh Beshrubbed One, although I do feel the green of the leaves contrasts nicely with the burgundy of your kirtle
[froggy the fashion ignoramus] kirtle= a loose gown/tunic usually worn over a tighter underdress thingy I forgot the name of. Actually the kirtle’s top half is tighter fitting, it’s the skirt that is very loose and flowing. (um my technical knowledge of clothing is highly limited so I’ll just call it the skirt since I don’t know the proper name) The kirtle is usually coloured material; in this case burgundy while the underdress (again I don’t know the correct name) is usually plain white or cream. Since our beloved heroine is in semi rich mode as opposed to full blown royal mode that would be linen underdress and a fine wool as opposed to anything really expensive. Quite simple design really, no embroidery or anything except a simple pattern around the neckline of the underdress. Simple belt/girdle/whatever it’s called (being a loose belt that sits on the hips with a long bit that hangs down the front…often seen on fairytale princesses, medieval pictures etc) with plain gold embroidered pattern but nothing fancy adds the final touch of stylish er something Unlike many other females she doesn’t wear a wimple or headdress thing or anything like that, she just leaves her hair uncovered and loose. That is unless she is off sneaking around in which case she sticks it in a plait for something. She only ever does the hairdo etc when doing the posh princess act. So ends froggy’s knowledge of medieval female clothing Heh, she is actually dressed a few decades out of fashion because in 1337 tight sleeves were in but there is nowhere to hide a pair of knives in tight sleeves I suppose I should give Fulk equal treatment, ahem: Today Fulk is wearing the parti-coloured (left side is one colour, right side the other) white/pale blue knee length tunic with fitted sleeves for the lower arm. He is wearing pale blue hose and ankle boots with slightly pointed toes. He has a hood with a liripipe tail thingy on the back of the head bit. He wears the hood down so the whole thing is more of a shoulder cape than anything else. Also a short cloak to knee length, in deep yellow. He is still wearing his sword belt, sword and dagger. [/froggy the fashion ignoramus] I am much more at home with armour – I could talk about Fulk’s armour all day

…however for now I do feel rather dizzy”
“Well you have fallen off a bench, and that messenger couldn’t have done your fragile health any good, not to mention you are still ill anyway…”
“Exactly. I just don’t know how I manage to keep going, and just when I was beginning to feel a bit stronger too.”
“Then you’d best lean on me until you feel better.” Fulk put his arm around her, “And we’d best not move until that dizziness subsides – wouldn’t want you falling over or fainting again.” This is known as taking an idea and running with it Lets hope they don’t trip over. Oh and let me bust her illusion there – no she is not getting any stronger, she’s still as feeble as a kitten and no one believes her act I don’t care if she was being more than half facetious when she said that, it is still an excellent opportunity to get her back for the million and one rewrites I had to do of this bit http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/tongue.gif

“Then you’d best lean on me until you feel better.” Fulk put his arm around her, “And we’d best not move until that dizziness subsides – wouldn’t want you falling over or fainting again.”

A short while later old Thorfin arrived to do his gardening, as he opened the door he spotted Fulk and Eleanor still sat on their bench. Silently he closed the door again and settled down on the outside of the garden, guarding the door. “Reckon they’ve earned a bit of peace.” Dear Lord you’d never believe how much trouble that bit gave me Weeks upon weeks of work and I couldn’t find a way to end it. Just like the window scene it keeps going but nothing interesting happens until Thorfin sneaks in the background…Meh, ended up just cutting off with dialogue and skipping ahead. Failed endings include:

“Surprisingly Eleanor felt dizzy for the rest of the morning, in the end it took a shower of rain before she started to feel better. http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/tongue.gif ” Somehow I couldn’t resist the temptation to put a http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/tongue.gif on the end of that one

And

“It was on this day in Hiddulth that Eleanor and Fulk discovered a new cure for the dizziness caused by blood loss and fever – rainstorms. The cure found great favour amongst the villagers who always used to say, ‘It was like a miracle, one moment she was barely able to sit up unaided and the next she was able to walk with some assistance inside Of course she was still very ill but the improvement was most dramatic’” again a bit too sarcastic, also there was no one there to see so how could it be talked about? In the end I just fast forwarded the sitting around to Thorfin and cut off there before the rainstorms. They got wet, you didn’t miss much.




The br- thing
I already explained this to Ludens via PM but for anyone else who is interested here’s the full explanation mostly recycled from the PM.

1.At the beginning of tale 4 she still believes him to be a man of his word, she thinks he would try and save her so she gets rid of him so he can't get himself killed. This is wrong - he would not save her because he never intended to keep his word. While he does love her and has done for a long time he just doesn't realise how much until this moment. Before he could have left and not really been troubled that much, now he knows he wants to stay with her and in a way needs her for a very long assortment of reasons I listed up above in my comments.

2.As they argue on the road he realises that he does actually want to help her so he starts on about all that man of my word stuff, and tries to tell her The choice would have been an easy one. I would have broken my oath before but not now, and then assorted romantic guff but she won't listen to the rest. The suspicion is planted in her mind that he is not what he seems. Seeing him do things like kill that man at arms would be enough to make us suspicious, but for her that wouldn't quite be enough - it would be just a lie to some bandit and quite different to an oath of loyalty to a princess who he loves (hey, she's got eyes just like he does http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/tongue.gif ). She would never see the truth in this story if he didn't start to say break.

3.Now she slowly begins to change her opinion, ending up with that speech in the forest about being a nothing and her saying “If you want to go then I will not stop you... before she was doing everything possible to keep him around.

4.All ending up at the window scene where she can't disappear or get him to shut up and he finally finishes his long winded speech.

Before you can have them confess their feelings they have to realise firstly what they feel and secondly what they really are. That is what the full evolution of the br- thing does.

I said the br- thing was a last minute addition, it is one of those things they did but does not necessarily need to be in the story as written...just like her feeling very sick during the window scene because she lost so much blood, no one wants to read ‘Fulk leaned down and kissed her “Oh Yes, missing” Eleanor mumbled, blushing furiously and feeling like she was about to throw up’. Leaving out the br- thing ends up with her reacting to hearing something we haven't. Reread the whole tale but omit her hearing the br- thing and suddenly she has no reason to act as she does. Incidentally it is only at the end of this tale that Fulk begins to get likeable to me.

Its not there to make us wonder, its to make her wonder.




I’m renaming Interlude: Refuge to tale 5: Refuge, after all tale 2 got the tale tag and it is little more than an interlude.

So there you go, the ending you've been waiting months for. I hope it doesn't disappoint. Now on to the next part...

[frogbeastegg]

Miscellaneous stuff I forgot to put in before and tacked onto the end here.

“Come on Eleanor, you’re not trying” Eleanor looked up at the sandy haired boy and pulled a face, “Princesses aren’t supposed to do swords, we’re supposed to look pretty and dance and stuff” that’s the real beginning, if I’d been writing the serious version from the start that’s the first thing you would have read. There are echoes of similarity between what she does with Stephan and Fulk, now the echoes are going the wrong way. It’s supposed to be Fulk who is the copycat, not Stephan except it is accidental to a certain extent. She asked Fulk to teach her to fight because for the first time since Stephan died she has got someone who can/will do that, also she has decided to stop drifting along the stream of royal life and try to gain a few unexpected skills that may keep her alive if things go drastic. Yes she did lend him her brother’s name when they went to that abbey, if things had followed on in the proper chronology that would be the point it was obvious she really did like him a lot. Just one of many little things that lost it’s significance along the way. Bit like the way she gets annoyed when he repeats Stephan’s rushing over to see if she is alright, it bugs her and she won’t put up with it. Also she know knows if he does that in a fight he’s going to turn into sushi and she’d rather he didn’t http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/tongue.gif

So the beginning is crammed in the end of the middle, only the most important bits make it over. Originally you did get to meet the other royal bratlings, you’d see that she got on well with Stephan, Adele and William, that Hugh thought she was crazy but funny and that her other sisters never really saw her and thought she was mad anyway. You’d also get to see a select few highlights over the years where she was training. The prologue would end as she left to be an agent, the actual story would pick up on her first mission aka tale 1 as it is now. Maybe some time skipping stuff swapping from Eleanor to Fulk and back again, skipping a few years each time the focus shifts from one to the other but I don’t think there is anything particularly important in those 14 years, stuff happened but does it need writing? Probably not. I suppose this way we do get the benefit of her commentary on her younger self. All in all http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-dizzy2.gif

And for anyone wondering how she manages to comment, well if you’ve ever had one of those dreams where you relive parts of your past you’ll know you can spot this is not reality anymore and you keep your insights etc from your current self, but you can’t alter anything. Add in a pinch of feverish dream aspect and you got the skipping from scene to scene…not what actually happened – she can’t remember anything from that week and a bit but that is the single case of major alteration to the story that works. The only way to put in the needed background, fill the space where she is out of action, and generally do stuff http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-grin.gif





How does she manage to bash Fulk’s arm away with her injured arm, after all there are severed muscles so you’d think it impossible. [froggy the quack] I’m guessing that it was the muscles for bring the arm up and down, rather than side to side motion or something [/froggy the quack] http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-toff.gif



“You can forget that Anyway this whole mess is mostly your fault”
“How do you arrive at that conclusion, Outstandingly Majestic One?”
“The window, remember? Interesting choice of words, I’d have gone with something like “if you didn’t exist then this mess wouldn’t exist either” but then hey I’m too sensible to end up in a mess like this anyway http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-grin.gif More importantly the only thing she is blaming on him was his rather poor choice of location, not the whole speech that started this off in the first place. Remember that funny line from the Christmas special? “For some reason nothing screams forbidden love affair louder than rumours of a princess seen kissing a man at arms through the window of a castle tower at twilight on a starry night.” Maybe not a starry night but sunsets have a similar effect… She is not amused.


“One week later” what happened in that week? Why no description or anything? Simple – nothing happened, she’s a bit too sick to do anything other than sleep, Fulk has been sat around worrying and the peasants did peasanty stuff. Fascinating, no? http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/tongue.gif The story picks back up the moment something happens, conveniently the first day she does anything other than stop inside, Gah Talk about bad timing on behalf of the messenger



EDIT: There is something I forgot to put on my 'I forgot to say' list Thorfin - I realise that isn't tied up neatly and it is very ambiguous as to whether he sent them to Meltone's trap on purpose or not, also as to whether he is really helping them. That's because it follows on into the next tale.

[Monk]

At the Request of a certain amphibian geisha, this story has been pinned. http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

[frogbeastegg]

Quote[/b] (Monk @ Feb. 23 2004,20:45)]At the Request of a certain amphibian geisha, this story has been pinned. http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif
http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-blush.gif http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/joker.gif That was a joke http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/joker.gif http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-blush.gif I dunno though, I lost the name plate and the place seems empty without the control panel but at least I can find my topic which I seldom could when I ran this place...the Monk is an improvement http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/bigthumb.gif

Nice to see you've got the hang of things http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/pat.gif

[Monk]

Quote[/b] (frogbeastegg @ Feb. 23 2004,16:01)]
Quote[/b] (Monk @ Feb. 23 2004,20:45)]At the Request of a certain amphibian geisha, this story has been pinned. http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif
http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-blush.gif http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/joker.gif That was a joke http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/joker.gif http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-blush.gif I dunno though, I lost the name plate and the place seems empty without the control panel but at least I can find my topic which I seldom could when I ran this place...the Monk is an improvement http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/bigthumb.gif

Nice to see you've got the hang of things http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/pat.gif
Joke or not, it gave me an excuse to test out my new powers http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif its not as hard as i thought it would be, now i just have to catch up on reading the few stories that i didn't before i became AM http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-book2.gif

[frogbeastegg]

Let us warp to an alternate reality for a post or two while I work away on tale 5. You know how I keep saying I can't change anything major? I tried to alter the window scene to be both less gloomy and less soppy, also to cut the fight down into something easier to write. I was also forced to try and think up something for Fulk to say when she gets kebabed since he insists he can't remember what he actually said at the time The important segemnts went like so:


Current version: Fulk flung himself into the enemy and smashed his shield into one man’s face, knocking him down. He quickly finished the downed man with a thrust to the heart and turned to face the Meltone and another bandit. The final bandit dodged around Fulk and went after Eleanor. She back-pedalled while rapidly throwing her knives at the advancing figure but he caught them on his
shield. Out of the corner of his eye Fulk saw her go down in a spray of blood. “No You bastards” In a rage Fulk rammed the hilt of his sword into the closest bandits stomach and as the man doubled over Fulk broke his neck with the rim of his shield.

Later

Fulk carefully placed his hand on Eleanor’s shoulder and turned her to face him, “I would pulverise the king and go happily to my grisly death. What else could I do? I lo-like you Eleanor, and that has more weight than any oath ever could.”
“And then I would be left alone” Eleanor replied sadly, “when I’d got used to you following me around like a stray dog.”


This is what the Christmas special followed on from, the whole thing did not work. At all. In the slightest. Now observe what happens as I try out different things (some my ideas, some suggestions from other people) for Fulk to say, and the knock on effects later...



Oh Dear: Fulk flung himself into the enemy and smashed his shield into one man’s face, knocking him down. He quickly finished the downed man with a thrust to the heart and turned to face the Meltone and another bandit. The final bandit dodged around Fulk and went after Eleanor. She back-pedalled while rapidly throwing her knives at the advancing figure but he caught them on his shield. Out of the corner of his eye Fulk saw her go down in a spray of blood. “Oh dear” In a rage Fulk rammed the hilt of his sword into the closest bandits stomach and as the man doubled over Fulk broke his neck with the rim of his shield.

Later.

Fulk carefully placed his hand on Eleanor’s shoulder and turned her to face him, “I would pulverise the king and go happily to my grisly death. What else could I do? I lo-like you Eleanor, and that has more weight than any oath ever could.” To which Eleanor replied, “Somehow I’m not buying that You thought I was dead and all you could say was ‘oh dear’ as if you’d spilled your soup. Hop it armour boy”



Alack-a day: Fulk flung himself into the enemy and smashed his shield into one man’s face, knocking him down. He quickly finished the downed man with a thrust to the heart and turned to face the Meltone and another bandit. The final bandit dodged around Fulk and went after Eleanor. She back-pedalled while rapidly throwing her knives at the advancing figure but he caught them on his shield. Out of the corner of his eye Fulk saw her go down in a spray of blood. “Alack-a day” Fulk poetically rammed the hilt of his sword into the closest bandits stomach and as the man doubled over Fulk dramatically broke his neck with the rim of his shield and posed like Erryl Flynn over the corpse.

Later

Fulk carefully placed his hand on Eleanor’s shoulder and turned her to face him, “I have won a place in Shakespeare’s Hamlet - they want me to play Hamlet himself Sorry but I quit this bodyguard gig”
“But I thought you loved me”
“Yes well that was before and er, this job is like really good” Fulk enthused, “I could be a big star You could be my groupie if you want, that would be nice, lots of big stars have groupies” Eleanor smiled nicely and pointed at something behind Fulk, “what’s that?” Fulk turned and the princess coshed him on the back of the head with a vase, “groupie indeed I shall inform my father that you decided the theatre is more interesting than royal service. Advice – run now, very far and very quickly because I may just request this assassination myself”



Oh crud: Fulk flung himself into the enemy and smashed his shield into one man’s face, knocking him down. He quickly finished the downed man with a thrust to the heart and turned to face the Meltone and another bandit. The final bandit dodged around Fulk and went after Eleanor. She back-pedalled while rapidly throwing her knives at the advancing figure but he caught them on his shield. Out of the corner of his eye Fulk saw her go down in a spray of blood. “Oh crud” yelled Fulk, most put out. Eleanor raised herself up on her good arm and inquired, “what’s the matter have you stepped in something?”
“No, actually I was reacting to your apparent demise”
“Oh. That’s nice then. I’ll just go back to being barely conscious and see if I can throw this knife to help you then.”
“Ok, that’s very considerate of you” Fulk looked at the bandits who were leaning on their swords waiting for the fight to begin again, “Ok we can get fighting again. Now if you” Fulk pointed to a bandit, “could go and stand a bit closer to the princess so she can hit you with her last knife a bit easier that would be terrific”
“Sure, whatever helps” said the bandit as he moved over to Eleanor, “This close enough dear?”
“Why yes, thank you” Eleanor threw her knife and killed the bandit, “and don’t call me ‘dear’ – I really don’t like that” then she fainted clean away…well it would have been clean but the road was a bit muddy, somehow ‘muddily away’ just doesn’t apply to princesses.



How tragic: : Fulk flung himself into the enemy and smashed his shield into one man’s face, knocking him down. He quickly finished the downed man with a thrust to the heart and turned to face the Meltone and another bandit. The final bandit dodged around Fulk and went after Eleanor. She back-pedalled while rapidly throwing her knives at the advancing figure but he caught them on his shield. Out of the corner of his eye Fulk saw her go down in a spray of blood “How tragic” he yelled. In a rage Fulk rammed the hilt of his sword into the closest bandits stomach and as the man doubled over Fulk broke his neck with the rim of his shield.

Later

Fulk carefully placed his hand on Eleanor’s shoulder and turned her to face him, “I would pulverise the king and go happily to my grisly death. What else could I do? I lo-like you Eleanor, and that has more weight than any oath ever could.”
“And then I would be left alone” Eleanor replied sadly, “when I’d got used to you following me around like a stray dog.”
“But it’s all a cunning plot device See I thought you were dead and I realised I should have told you how I feel, but you were actually alive so I decided to proclaim my love Now we both pulverise the king and appear to die tragically but magically survive Then all we need to do is run away and live happily ever after” Eleanor slowly backed away from Fulk, smiling nervously, “Er…I’ll just go and pack then, you wait here” Eleanor ran out the door and didn’t stop until she was several miles away, “Damn that was close What a nutcase – dying tragically and magically surviving? Gimme a break”



Specially for all you romantics out there:
Fairytale style: Fulk flung himself into the enemy and smashed his shield into one man’s face, knocking him down. He quickly finished the downed man with a thrust to the heart and turned to face the Meltone and another bandit. The final bandit dodged around Fulk and went after Eleanor who was stood safely on the sidelines. In a rage Fulk intercepted the man and cut him in two with a mighty blow.

Later

Fulk carefully placed his hand on Eleanor’s shoulder and turned her to face him, “I love you, and I always have. You own my heart and my soul. For you I’d do anything and gladly so.”
“And my heart is yours, you are my knight and always shall be. That is why I could not bear to lose you.” Fulk took Eleanor’s hands in his and gazed deep into her eyes, “As long as we are together nothing can stop us.” Eleanor looked away, “But my father…he will not be pleased…”
“Love will find a way I will slay a dragon – a thousand dragons to win your hand” Eleanor smiled beatifically and Fulk’s heart melted. He slowly leaned down and kissed her gently on the forehead. A sudden pounding on the door interrupted them, “Oh no What can it be?” gasped the princess, “It must be the king’s soldiers We are doomed” Fulk grimly drew his sword, “Never I take strength from our love I shall cut down all who enter” The door burst off its hinges and 10 men poured through the door, Fulk cut them all down easily. “Take my hand, we must flee for our very lives” he called, Eleanor grasped his hand tightly and together they ran through the door. The way down was heavily guarded and slowly they were forced back up the stairs to the top of the tower. Fulk was bleeding from many wounds and Eleanor had twisted her ankle. Fulk used a spear to bar the tower door shut, halting their pursuers for a precious moment. “I fear this is the end, Oh My Heart” proclaimed Fulk. “As long as I am with you I care not” she replied, “Let us jump and die together, not alone in some dungeon.”
“So be it my love, for I see no other way and I will not leave you to die alone.” As the soldiers broke down the tower door Fulk and Eleanor leapt off the top of the tower, hand in hand. Villagers often claimed to see their ghosts together on this tower, safe in their love for all eternity.

And my comments on that last one: “As long as we are together nothing can stop us” tell that to the ground they impacted on And where did all those soldiers spring from? And she doesn’t care about being dead as long as he’s dead as well? How horrible is that? How on earth did she twist her ankle, and why is that more important than the multitude of wounds Fulk has got anyway?? Does any of this make sense? I’m going with ‘not’



There were others, many others as I spent more than a month working on those two bits, the ones here are the most amusing. I altered just the one line Fulk said the the fight and the rest grew out of the characters, I suspect they played up the oppertunity to rub my nose in my abysmal failure to rewrite their lives to my own preference, but all the same they are quite...recognisable as the characters we know.

Well that's my little side trip over, now back to work on the tediously hard to write opening of tale 5. I thought the window scene was bad, now I know it was just a warm up for the chess scene http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/mecry.gif

[frogbeastegg]

Tale 5. Refuge.

In the solar of Hiddulth castle, a fire was glowing in the hearth. Sat in a chair next to the fire Eleanor looked across at her knight, deep in thought, “Oh this is hopeless” she exclaimed and promptly picked up her knight and moved it two squares left and one forward. “And now I lose again I hate chess”
“You’re not doing that badly.” said Fulk as he started to reset the pieces ready for another game. Eleanor slouched back in her chair and started to balance one of her knives on the tip of her right index finger, “Not doing so badly? I’ve lost 47 games in the last week 47 games out of a possible 47 I hate chess, really and truly hate chess, completely detest, abhor, despise and loathe chess – if I ever become queen I shall ban the game” Fulk mentally braced himself and triggered the inevitable outburst, “So you don’t like chess then?”
“NO” exploded Eleanor, “It is the last thing on the planet I would choose to do and sadly right now it is the only thing I can do Nearly two weeks I’ve been stuck here – two weeks since I did anything remotely interesting, and the last interesting thing I did was get cut up in a fight I’m not sure which is worse – feeling tired all the time or being unable to sleep because my arm hurts I feel sick; did I mention my arm hurts? Did I also mention I am bored? I can’t do anything - too weak to do this, too crippled to do that, too likely to blow my cover with the peasants if I do much, too likely to get executed by an outraged parent if I even contemplate…well, anything really I am bored” she threw the knife so it stuck in the middle of the table. “Bored. Also my arm hurts.”
“Nothing interesting in the last few weeks?” inquired Fulk, spotting an opportunity, “Nice to know my rambling speech was appreciated so much, alas it appears my efforts are in vain so I shall become a masterless knight and travel the lands lamenting my unrequited love in good bardic form” Her train of thought completely derailed Eleanor couldn’t think of a suitable response, after several false starts she gave up. “Now that was mean – I was enjoying myself You just ruined a perfectly good rant.” Fulk smiled apologetically, “I’m sorry, but I do get nervous when you start throwing knives in my general direction,” he gestured at the knife buried in the table, “I know you don’t miss very often but you can’t blame me for worrying.”
“You are supposed to be a big brave knight - a few tiny knives shouldn’t bother you.”
“How about the raging princess throwing them?”
“You tell me - are knights usually afraid of princesses?”
“This one is, Oh Aggravated One.” said Fulk bashfully. Eleanor struggled to suppress a smile, “Coward.”
“And that’s why you love me.”
“All things considered I should probably kill you for that” Eleanor pulled her knife out of the table and started balancing it on her fingertip again, “Indiscretion, stupidity, vanity, inflated sense of your own import – your list of crimes is quite long But no, I shall let you live this time – if anyone overheard we get to hunt them down and silence them and that would be interesting. Currently I am so bored suicidal options seem almost sensible. The idea of writing a letter to my father telling him I quit and I’m running off to travel the world, and that incidentally his haircut makes him look like a fool, is highly appealing because the fallout would liven things up a bit”
“But from what you keep saying the fallout would kill you”
“Oh yes, but just imagine the look on his face I might even fling in a bit about taking you with me…” Fulk’s eyes popped out, “That would get me killed too I’ll have to think of something to keep you busy so you don’t get us both done in” Eleanor grinned happily, “I was hoping you might say that – now we can stop playing chess. If you propose one more game I shall go and write that letter immediately.”
“This would be why I’m scared of princesses” Fulk started putting the chess pieces back in their bag. Tired of balancing her knife Eleanor started throwing it up in the air and catching it by the hilt, “If you are scared of princesses why do you keep following me around?”
“Insanity” returned Fulk promptly, completely deadpan. Eleanor laughed, “Really?”
“Oh yes, no doubt about it, none at all The greatest minstrels in the land liken love to insanity, as both cause you to act like a prat.”
“I thought we agreed after the mess that was your speech you would stop listening to minstrels?”
“I don’t remember that, Oh Poetically Disinclined One. It must have been a dream.”
“I do not dream about you” Eleanor insisted primly, “Life is dreary enough as it is without importing it into dreams and making them dull too” Fulk pretended to wipe a tear from his eye, “I’m…I’m dull?” Eleanor smiled impishly, “Implicitly.” With a flick of her wrist she threw the knife at the wooden shield hung above the fireplace, with a thunk it landed with the point buried deep in the centre of Meltone’s coat of arms. Fulk winced, “You’re ruining the décor That shield’s only there because I can’t afford to replace it with something tasteful First my table, now my shields - that knife leaves holes in the woodwork”
“Then find me something to do, then I won’t be so bored throwing knives at easy targets seems interesting” Eleanor stood up and wandered over to the shield and made a great show of trying to pull her knife free. It wouldn’t budge. “A little assistance? You can consider it a knight’s quest or something.”
Fulk hauled himself to his feet and wandered over. He pulled the knife free easily and looked at it, deep in thought with a silly half smile pasted on his face, “And what reward do I get for finishing this arduous quest?” inquired Fulk as he handed the knife back to Eleanor. She put it back in the sheath hidden in the sling on her left arm, “A request is usual, so I suppose that will do – as long as it is respectable, anyway”
“Ah, well in that case I wish…” Fulk stepped closer and slipped an arm around her waist; “You would…” he leaned down and whispered in her ear, “Stop throwing that knife around” Eleanor blinked, taken aback, and started to laugh, “Alright, wish granted, Sir Coward”
“Coward? Me? I have more bravery than any man I dare what others don’t I laugh in the face of mortal threat I think nothing of risking life, limb and immortal soul I take on the most dangerous opponents with a happy grin on my face” Fulk kissed her and grinned, “See? Big brave knight, dicing with unpleasant death and all that Now once again I’ll entertain considerable risk to my health and tell you you’re getting quite good at this kissing lark”
“Oh yes, I have a most excellent teacher” replied Eleanor dreamily, “A valiant prince with hair like the golden sun, eyes as green as emeralds, general handsomeness, good muscles, ready wit, gentle disposition, a rich and powerful kingdom to inherit…”
“And yet for all this you still blush like an innocent young maiden” marvelled Fulk. Eleanor grasped a handful of the neck of his tunic and gently pulled until his face was level with hers, “I am an innocent young maiden” she insisted, before kissing him. Fulk shook his head slightly, “Not in the eyes of polite upper class society, Oh Improper One.”
“You are digging for information again, aren’t you?” Eleanor sighed, sobering up and releasing Fulk’s tunic, “I asked to be entertained, not made to feel depressed This place is something of a refuge from the screaming kings of reality, a refuge we shall be leaving soon enough. We certainly won’t be stood around like this,” she rapped a knuckle on Fulk’s chest, “When we leave. Until then the policy of what they don’t know won’t invoke an apocalypse sounds good to me” Fulk caught her right hand and kissed it, “If I may point out a few relevant facts? You only have one good hand, which I am holding on to and I shall continue to do so. You are stood leaning on me with my arm around you, and I am not letting you go. While we are stood like this we would be considered scandalous by anyone seeing us. I can stand here like this all day, so eventually someone will see us. Finally, as long as I don’t let go you’re going nowhere.”
“Are you threatening me?”
“In the best possible way and for a good reason, Oh Dewdrop of Delight.”
“How on earth is it possible to threaten someone in a good way? You are nothing but an ungallant clodhopper”
“Would you prefer I waved red hot pokers at you?”
“Well when you put it like that…yes, because then I would have a very good reason to strangle you without feeling guilty in the slightest Besides you would never hurt me so I would be far safer if you did the red hot poker thing.”
“You see through me so easily, but sadly for you I’m not waving pokers. I want to know what kind of a mess I’m getting into.”
“Well for a start you are annoying your beloved princess Alright, fine, let me go and I will explain.”
“Your promise first, if you don’t mind.”
“Are you accusing me of bluffing my way out?”
“I know you – of course you’re bluffing your way out It’s what you do, Oh Silver Tongued Lady of Deception.”
“I suppose you are right, but in that case you can’t trust my word or believe a thing I say, so why bother asking?”
“Because I’m bored?”
“No, I’m the one who is bored around here – you are the one who is quite happy playing chess all day”
“Well you can’t blame me - winning is fun”
“You could at least let me win from time to time.”
“If I let you win you’d not be very happy, you’d complain about me coddling you or something”
“True, but I am not very happy when I lose either You could at least turn a blind eye to my cheating.”
“Winning because you stole my queen and hid it under a cushion is not honourable”
“Since when have you ever cared about honour?”
“Since you started cheating I go to pour you another drink and get back to find the board subtly rearranged”
“I am an agent, so I play chess agent style – if you can’t win fairly you cheat, sneak, steal, kill, and deceive your way to victory”
“Oh Light of my Life you know I love you and would do anything to make you happy, but I’m afraid if you want to cheat you’ll have to do it without me noticing”
“Ah, I shall poke your eyes out then – that ought to fix things nicely.”
“Speaking of poking eyes out you still haven’t surrendered to my foul tortures and explained what’s going on with that father of yours, and don’t think you can divert my attention until I forget my questions or let you escape.” Eleanor heaved a melodramatic sigh and settled deeper into Fulk’s embrace, “Curses, there goes my plan”
“It wasn’t a very good plan, not up to your usual standards of evil minded deviousness at all.”
“Well, you try thinking when your arm hurts, you are tired, and some evil knight has taken you prisoner and refuses to even grant parole”
“Well, perhaps you should stop planning and start talking? Evil knights generally like co-operative young damsels more than the kind that keeps saying” Fulk broke out his best sounding damsel in distress imitation, “‘My hero will be here to save me and he’ll cut your head off and then you’ll be sorry’” he coughed a few times before continuing in his normal voice, “The noise does get on your nerves after a while”
“Well, sadly I have no knight, so as ever I shall have to save myself.” Eleanor settled her head at a more comfortable angle on Fulk’s shoulder, “It is such hard work, I keep telling myself I shall pick up a knight to do all the rescuing and stuff but no, whenever I think I have found one he turns out to be another dud First there was some farm boy who has no idea which end of a sword to stick in the enemy, that was embarrassing – the daft fool tried to stab my captor with the hilt and sliced his own fingers off Then there was the actual proper knight with armour and everything, he fell off his horse and got his pointed visor stuck in the ground. He was beheaded before he could free himself I cannot forget sir Bandahoe, the poor man was nearly 80 when he tried to rescue me, he was so chivalrous and had a mighty reputation for daring deeds…such a shame he went to sleep half way through the duel with my captor. The last one is the worst, a base born bastard who claimed to be a hero, but turned out to be the latest in my long line of tormentors. Regrettably princesses seem doomed to be kidnapped every other week, you know it plays havoc with your social life. One minute you are at a party and toying with some rich, handsome young prince, the next you are thrown over the shoulder of someone in black armour, carried out the door and awaiting rescue yet again. This time I didn’t even have chance to grab a drink and some food on the way out, so inconsiderate of you” Eleanor yawned and added contentedly, “Of all my kidnappers you are by far the worst.”
“Maybe you should stay with this evil knight, if you’re already kidnapped no one else can kidnap you again”
“Interesting reasoning, but no I could never stay with an evil knight, especially not one who is beginning to hurt my poor little wrist”
“Ah, so that’s what all this is in aid of - another escape attempt Being an evil knight I am probably supposed to hurt your wrist or something, trapped by your own story” Fulk gave up his evil act and kissed Eleanor’s hand again before letting it go, “Pray let me point out that I’m not holding on to you very tightly and you could leave whenever you wished, the fact you are still here is your own choice.”
“It most certainly is not Maybe I could make a break for it under ordinary circumstances but I am so weak currently that is impossible”
“You know I have been expecting you to thump me in the stomach and leave for some time now, I guess I was worried for nothing”
“Ah well in that case,” Eleanor playfully knocked her right fist into Fulk’s stomach and twisted free of his grip, “I would hate to disappoint Aren’t I so nice to you? I only did that because you wanted me to.”
“Oh yes, perfectly nice I need to watch what I say, giving you suggestions is not good for my health I never have this problem with anyone else…”
“And that is why you love me No one else puts up a good fight” Eleanor grinned and sat back down in her chair. “We are running out of excuses…”
“You sound quite sad.”
“Well all this has been rather…” Eleanor blushed and smiled shyly, “Fun.” Fulk grinned dopily, “I knew you’d like the famous legend of Eleanor and Fulk.”
“Bardics yet again” groaned Eleanor in mock horror, “Tell me then, how does this tale end?”
“Oh quite happily – they live contentedly in a little world of their own until the king of England is so awed by their incredible true love that he lets them marry and they enjoy arguing for the rest of their lives while secretly reorganising the whole realm just for fun.”
“Not quite the ending I had thought.”
“Really? What were you thinking?”
“More like they lived unhappily for a while pretending they hated each other, then died.”
“Oh.”
“We are running out of excuses…”
“There is one left…but you won’t like it.”
“What would that be?”
“Promise not to kill the messenger?” Fulk went back to his own seat on the far side of the table, putting extra distance between himself and the likely to be upset princess. Eleanor watched him with some amusement, Fulk cleared his throat; “Well you remember that story you spun in the tavern? About us? Well Thorfin has been, um…you see he…that is to say…”
“He went and told the whole fief?”
“That pretty much sums it up, but think of it as a cover story…see we’re sort of expected to…that is they think we’re married, but in secret and on the run, so people kind of expect...”
“Oh no”
“Mmmm, yes, an alternate excuse.”
“You have been sleeping outside my room, you know what people will think” Eleanor looked horrified, “Scandal does not even begin to cover this Trouble, deep trouble, I have this sinking feeling I am now officially in trouble”
“Erm, technically speaking you’ve actually been sleeping in my room – the main room belongs to the lord. Comparatively speaking my guarding your door is tame, so it could be worse.”
“Most definitely now officially in deep, bad tempered king related trouble”
“No, not really, since this is all a careful cover story we are just playing the part in the best possible taste.”
“A cover story I was never supposed to use, for a bunch of reasons that could only be dreamed up by a paranoid parent with a strange and irrational fear of civil wars”
“What?”
“Long story, I shall tell you later. The arm does protect me from the more…crude accusations, and they are the ones that would undoubtedly prove fatal. That just leaves the matter of the cover story I should not be using. Well I suppose this could count as extreme circumstances…also unforeseen, the story was a last resort that had to be carried on a lot longer than we expected-“
“We? You’re not dumping the blame on me”
“No, you wouldn’t survive it, whereas I probably can with a lot of charm and my usual fast running.”
“I was joking, Oh Supreme One.”
“I wasn’t.” replied Eleanor calmly, “Oh don’t look at me like that I have a lifetime’s practise at running; I’m quite fast really.”
“I can’t decide if you are joking or not…”
“Not. Oh don’t bother about it It is far too late to do anything now, while it was a story one person knew it was quite unlikely to wind its way to the spy in this fief, now the whole fief knows the spy will too.”
“Why do you think there will by a spy here? It’s only a tiny insignificant dump.”
“How do you think Meltone’s banditry was discovered if not a spy? There is one spy in each and every settlement in every province ruled by England. Larger ones have two or more. Towns and cities get hundreds. Nothing happens in this kingdom without it being reported - Trempwick is a most efficient spymaster. There is possibly an extra spy here, just following me around…that is what I would do in his place, but then because this is such a small place it would be hard to slip an extra spy in without being noticed and because I expect such a spy there probably will not be one…it is rather impossible to vet someone for good behaviour when they are on the look out for observers.”
“You see this is the kind of thing you really should tell me. I could have sent Thorfin on a trip when he started chattering.”
“Oh don’t look so concerned It is not so bad…probably. Do I look worried? If not you needn’t bother yourself. Start worrying when I begin packing my bags and talking about catching a ship in Dover”
“Do you look worried? Well actually yes”
“I am merely weighing things up, unexpected side effects of a desperate plan and what they mean. So far the tally is like so: as long as we do nothing scandalous this is survivable if played correctly. Therefore it is a chance for a rather enjoyable few weeks in exchange for a half hour of someone shouting and hitting me - much less than half an hour if I drop a few carefully chosen words like ‘it was fun’ in there so he blows his temper in one go, giving me reason to get running sooner.” Eleanor frowned, “Now you have gone all serious on me – just brilliant I don’t know, you say you want to know grisly detail, but when I explain a bit you get sick. What did you think I meant when I said this was a dangerous mess – that we were in danger of becoming so misty eyed that we were likely to walk into doors?”
“I suppose I didn’t quite believe it… or expect you to be so indifferent about it.”
“Yes, well I hardly expected you to be so cheerful about murdering defenceless people who have surrendered, or to start doing speeches because you have an addiction to stupid stories I have spent most of my life weighting up the things I want to do in terms of what will kill me, what will hurt me badly, what will hurt me slightly, and what I can get away with. Besides what else can I do? Cower in a corner perhaps, or maybe run about like a headless chicken? As I say it is too late, news will be working its way back and I am in for a nice interview with my regal ancestor.”
“So what are you going to do? Not just sit here, there’s got to be something…”
“Has there? Oh I suppose you are right, I can play some more chess while I await the summons – most fortuitously my arm stops me from travelling and will do so for weeks yet, since I am not likely to be murdered over this they will want me to arrive and leave at least mostly alive. There is no point worrying.”
“You hate chess There must be something else you can do – something cunning aimed at getting out of this mess”
“Well I do have one cunning plan…Lets go for a walk, get some fresh air – I have been cooped up inside this pokey castle for weeks now and the walls are beginning to close in”
“It’s the middle of December – it’s freezing out there”
“The key words in that sentence are ‘out there’, if I don’t get some fresh air and exercise soon I shall start trying to walk up the walls Whatever you do don’t say I have been out in the garden and that counts as fresh air and space – that garden is little more than a room without a roof.”
“Alright, we’ll go for a walk and get frozen…although watching you walking up walls would be interesting. But do me one favour – lets stay away from the village, I’ve had enough being treated with awe and fear to last a lifetime. It’s depressing enough seeing my home in ruins without having my friends terrified of me.”
“Done. Lets go.”






Part 1 of tale 5 at long last. Why did it take so long? Well I tried a few alternate layouts to try to make it easier to read. As you may guess none of them worked – either this is easy to read in Word and an unreadable mess on the forums, easy to read on the forums and unreadable in Word, or a reasonably tidy mess on both. I opted for reasonable in both. I have been very busy, that slows things down too. However the main hold-up is simply all that mushy junk Basically if it is inside speech marks I wrote it in three days, if it is outside speech marks I have been trying to write it for a month. I am still not happy with the end result, I can’t write this mush even slightly well.

The next 3 parts of this tale are written in terms of dialogue but the other bits are um, lacking. I will see if I can get them done a bit quicker this time – there are at least 4 more tales out there and I would like to finish this before I die of old age.

I hate chess, really and truly hate chess, completely detest, abhor, despise and loathe chess if she hates the game that much why is she playing it? It’s the game, especially for nobles. Being royalty she pretty much has to play and be reasonable at it, also as she says she hasn’t got much else to do. Does she really cheat as much as it sounds? Oh yes, our wondrous princess is a rampant cheater, and quite good at it when she doesn’t want to get caught. What about the 47 lost games in a row? Is that because she is terrible at the game or because Fulk is some kind of Kasperov? Well he is far better than average while she isn’t much better than above average, but as she hastens to point out so I can include it here (gah, princesses and their pushy attitudes) she was in a bit of a mess and not able to think properly. She does occasionally win, although that is mostly due to cheating Heaven help her if she ever has to play agent chess for real…

The idea of writing a letter to my father telling him I quit and I’m running off to travel the world, and that incidentally his haircut makes him look like a fool, is highly appealing I asked her what she would write in this letter, I must admit the end result is highly impressive – it would probably kill ‘happy’ king Will with a fury induced heart attack as he read it I felt it deserved to be added to the notes, even though it was never sent.
“Princess Eleanor of England to her most esteemed father, king William VI of England, Ireland, Scotland and a collection of other places you have smashed into submission, but not France because that one is on-going.
I am writing to extend my dutiful wishes for you to die in a most painful and horrific manner, preferably involving much lingering on the brink of death in agony and torment. Since I have already put quill to parchment I may as well seize this opportunity to inform you that I quit your service and am leaving to travel the world. Being the doting parent that you are I suspect you will be concerned for my safety and about me feeling lonely since I am a boring, pious dear who has never left home without at least 30 people to hold my hand. It therefore delights me to inform you that sir Fulk Destier will continue as my bodyguard and come with me, so I shall have good company throughout my travels. Doubtless you will be rejoicing to hear that we may marry at some point in the future, if we ever find time. Speaking of marriage, if you find some prince in need of an English princess for diplomatic reasons I suggest you don a dress and wed him yourself. I beg leave to ask a small question of your worshipfulness, namely if you killed my brother for being part lame shouldn’t you now kill yourself for the same defect? I do hope so, as it would only be fair, also death may improve your temper somewhat. In parting I would dearly love to tell you your haircut looks like someone clamped an overly large mushroom on your head. Your bowl cut has sparked a terrible fashion throughout the realm, from which I gain much amusement on a daily basis due to the aura of general stupidity the look gifts to its wearer.”
It combines polite, dutiful courtesy with some real venom. Excellent. The bit about possibly marrying Fulk is such a good touch…she may not mean it but it is an outstanding example of the phenomenon known as ‘twisting the knife while it is still in the wound’. She could maybe have added a bit about some grandchildren or something but that would be overdoing it - ‘happy’ king Will already knows he has a claim to the throne running wild. Love the bit about the king donning a dress and marrying the next foreign royal himself, also about his hair looking like a mushroom.
http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/joker.gif

“Oh yes, I have a most excellent teacher” replied Eleanor dreamily her brain is addled, http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-yes.gif “A valiant prince with hair like the golden sun, eyes as green as emeralds, general handsomeness, good muscles, ready wit, gentle disposition, a rich and powerful kingdom to inherit…” Oh thank heaven for that – she’s joking I wish she wouldn’t do that; poor froggy ends up convinced her annoying princess has turned into a drippy princess and begins to despair In case there is any doubt that is not Fulk she is describing, he would be light brown hair, brown eyes, slightly crooked nose, tall, good build, wary looking, and a whole collection of things like annoying, disrespectful, aggravating, stupid…you know the drill by now http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/tongue.gif

I think it is now becoming increasingly obvious Mount Suribachi was a bit of a prophet when he said
Quote[/b] ]I imagine them beating the snot out of each other on a regular basis resulting in a bit of the old rough and tumble, as it were. Well they are not nearly that far along, but you can really see echoes of the future or whatever, heralding yet more hard to write junk.

[DemonArchangel]

EXCELLENT FROGGY I shall compete with you for 2004 HOF award for best story.

[Axeknight]

V. Good, Froggy

[frogbeastegg]

It was the work of minutes to grab a couple of thick cloaks and leave the castle. Since it was the middle of December there were no labourers at work, everyone was inside by their fires trying to keep warm. As they slowly walked across the frozen ground away from the castle Eleanor inquired, “What did that guard say?”
“Guard?”
“The one you diplomatically punched very hard as we passed through the gatehouse.”
“Oh, him…nothing much.”
“You know I am quite convinced you lie far more than I do.”
“Oh alright, if you insist on knowing. He said something I didn’t like.”
“And that would be…?”
“Nice day for playing in the woods.” Fulk frantically studied the horizon, waiting for the reaction and trying to decide what to say next himself. It took Eleanor a few seconds to work out why that had upset Fulk so much, “I wonder if he will still be there when we go back? If so I think I shall follow your example and diplomatically slap him Why does everyone get the wrong idea?” it was more of a mortified wail than a question, “Don’t they have anything else to do apart from think up things like that?” Taking a deep breath and watching a cloud overhead with apparent rapt fascination Fulk blurted out, “Um...well it doesn’t have to be the wrong idea…um, well yes…no…um, thing”
“Oh for heavens sake not you too? Why does the world think I am lacking in taste, judgement and sense? I suppose I should just be grateful that did not come in the form of some five hour speech where you forgot half the words”
“Er-”
“I don’t mean I would have to be lacking in taste to consider your proposition, you great daft lump Well, maybe the way it was worded I would be. If it weren’t for my delightfully paranoid parent you would be classed as a tame interest…you have to go sub-stable boy these days to be outrageously scandalous in most countries. It is freezing cold out here, my arm is still healing, there is at least one spy crawling about waiting to catch something good to report back, the whole fief is quietly watching us with a horribly knowing air that is incredibly off-putting, and unlike most fathers mine will do far more than mutter under his breath and then rush us to the alter. Of course you want to know why my most worshipful sire is so overzealous. How much do you know about the big civil war back in my grandfather’s time?”
“Not all that much, lots of fighting, two brothers squabbling away until your grandfather stepped in and crushed all opposition and restored peace and stability.”
“Ah, so you know the nice version then. I might have guessed…” Eleanor sighed, resigned to giving a long history lesson. “Alright, I shall start in the beginning, or as much of a beginning as these yarns have. King Edward II has his rear planted firmly on the throne; he had two legitimate sons and one illegitimate. The future looked assured, this was a rich and powerful country with a safe succession and a strong king. Everything was safe, ideal almost. Edward died, he left the throne to his eldest boy, Robert, and that is where things got complicated. Richard was not too happy with his brother’s inheritance – he wanted more land and power for himself. Robert had only given him a couple of provinces and command of an army keeping the peace in the newly conquered Wales. Richard on the other hand was none too happy with Robert; he appears to have considered him a drunken wastrel unworthy and incapable of doing anything more prestigious or useful. Turns out he was wrong – Robert talked some of the barons into supporting him and declared himself the rightful king of England, something about a document left by Edward naming him as heir. Whether that document was forged or not, well none can say. The civil war continued for more than a year, money was wasted, people died in the many battles and sieges, taxation collapsed with some areas being taxed twice, bandits appeared as law and order broke down. It was a mess. Watching all this was the king’s bastard son, William. He had been acknowledged and granted reasonable position…he was a knight and well known as a brave warrior and capable ruler of his lands. Neither Richard nor Robert had taken much notice of him, why would they? It is not as if a bastard could ever lay claim to the throne and be supported, right?”
“Unless you are under Welsh law you can claim nothing, pity I’m not Welsh and this fief is not in Wales or I’d have inherited.”
“Exactly, Welsh law does not apply to the kings of England, and anyway Welsh law has been…discouraged since the conquest. William was a nothing, a nothing who can fight, but not worth worrying about. You will like this bit; I know it will appeal to your terrible sense of humour. William gathered the neutral barons, and those disaffected by the constant, pointless warfare and laid claim to the throne. There is a famous speech I had drummed into me practically before I could walk, I shall spare you most of it but the highlight runs ‘I may be a bastard but I am far more my father’s son than those two will ever be’. The rest of the war is a matter of tedious predictability – William won and got his behind on the throne. This is the point the vicious state of my family begins. William had seen what disagreeing brothers could do, and what a bastard could do, and he started to worry. What if the same thing happened to his dynasty? He had five sons – just imagine the civil war you could get with five sons So he started to think, and think, and he decided that only one son should be there to take the throne and that would prevent civil war. So he kept his favourite nearby and sent his other sons off to fight wars; that is how the kingdom was expanded close to today’s borders. But all the time William was still thinking, growing older and more paranoid by the day. What if one son had the loyalty of his army and came back to contest the throne? What if an army became so attached to their prince that they declared him king? It would be for the best if those extra sons died, if only one son was left than no brother can ever contest his place. The survivor was obviously my father, all his brothers fell in battle or died of ‘disease’, and still William wondered and worried – what about his own bastards? Why couldn’t one of them rise up as he had done? So he had them all killed. Neat little lines on the family tree, all tied off leaving just one path open – succession goes to my father. But that still wasn’t enough; his last idea was sparked by events in Sicily. Some rebel lords decided to overthrow their king, they wanted to put a child on the throne – a child they would manipulate, ruling in effect but not name. The child was the illegitimate son of the king’s daughter, the attempt failed but you can imagine dear old granddad sat in his throne room worrying away…what if someone did that here? That must never happen, and if the only way to prevent that was more murder, well it was a small price to pay for future peace and the continuation of his line. Every single person with a hint of royal blood except my father, his children, and his legitimate sisters died – every single one. Of course my glorious ancestor still possessed that same intelligence that had allowed him to take the throne in the first place – he spotted that all children look quite similar really, and you do not need a big fanfare when one is born to claim the connection. All you need is the reasonably known fact that Royal A is rather close to Peon B and someone can come along in a decade or so waving an appropriately aged child and claim it is the offspring of that relationship.”
“But surely such a claim would be tenuous at best?”
“Of course, any child of mine has next to no chance of getting the throne of England, an illegitimate child even less, a secret child…well it is obvious no one is going to raise their banners to declare that child as the rightful heir But, and this is the important thing, no one needs to believe or even care that the child was connected to the royal family in any way. Who cares about the secret baby of the king’s seventh child? No one, it is not a claim worth supporting. What is worth fighting for is the hold you would have over the brattling king, and since there is an established, however tenuous, relation to the royal line the claim would just about pass as acceptable. When you are looking to grab power or remove a hated ruler any excuse will do, and who will disagree with a set of powerful barons about the status of a boy with a runny nose? If enough of them say he is royalty then he will be accepted as such, because all those who doubt it will either fall in line to keep their power or speak out and die. Alternatively, if you have a bit more brain, you just grab the nearest female tenuous royal, marry her and then her claim on the throne is yours, or if you want to be more subtle you are merely looking out for her interests and staking her claim for her.”
“How thoughtful”
“Yes, isn’t it?”
“I just spied a way to get myself a crown, well if I wanted one – which I don’t”
“If you insist on digging yourself into that hole I shall give you a shovel Yes, you are right – whoever marries me gets a good claim on the throne. If my brothers are both dead then it will come down to war between those with claims by marriage and the most powerful barons in the country. Being a princess of the blood and all that nonsense my claim is actually quite a good one; in your case the trick would be surviving long enough to gather support for your eventual war, that would take a very long time indeed since you would be starting from nothing and the average powerful baron has no reason to even listen to you. I estimate you would get less than a week before the first assassins appeared, you cannot claim anything if you are dead. There is a reason English princesses only ever marry outside this kingdom, and this is it. It is much harder for foreign powers to turn up and exercise that claim. My father learned his lessons well – out of three sons and five daughters he has four daughters disposed of to far away places in pursuit of allies to help fight France, one son dead and another…well it is a matter of time. We all know John will not survive, Hugh is the heir and that will not change unless he really does have an accident. The slightest sniff of scandal and the person responsible gets removed, even when it is no longer his right to interfere. Adele shouldn’t have died, she was never meant to die – ever wonder why the alliance between England and Spain crumbled suddenly? Adele is why, or more accurately my father is why. You will quite probably like this tale too; it is quite the romantic tragedy. It took me ages to piece this together – no one ever talks about it and everything was hushed up, being an agent does have some advantages. Adele was shipped off to Spain to marry the king when she was nearly 14; he was pushing 43. Skip forward several years and they have a couple of children and the succession is secure. She spots a knight in the court; they fall in love and the rest you can guess. All very standard stuff, after all this was a marriage of convenience and the succession was taken care of. Well sadly there was one deviation from the standard – the king was besotted with my sister. He finds out, has the knight arrested, and sends her back home to England. The knight he has tortured to death as slowly as possible, but he didn’t intend what happened next. Adele got sent to a nice cold, remote nunnery as her husband expected. What he didn’t expect was her murder – he had intended to bring her back to Spain after a few months of freezing tedium. My benevolent parent just saw a loose strand on the family tree…he tidied it up. The already upset king of Spain transformed into a heartbroken king of Spain and called the alliance off.”
“So you’re basically saying that you are a loose end, eventually you will be tidied up. Any suspicion of anything that may give rise to strange claims on the throne in the future will get you and anyone else involved killed very quickly. You aren’t likely to get married off to some noble in this country, and your family would certainly never tolerate my existence so I can forget distinguishing myself to win your hand, or even being some kind of scandalous but discrete lover. Based on your lovely reputation for being boring, pious in the extreme, and damn ugly you are equally unlikely to ever get married abroad, so no option for me to tag along as you dump your match at the alter. You are waiting for one brother to be killed, and most of your family is at least partially insane.”
“That pretty much sums it up, although what you would have to do to be considered worthy of a claim on the throne…well I should think conquering Europe single-handedly is about the only thing likely to get you that Even so that would be suicide because my glory seeking parent would be rather displeased you did what he could not, and all rivals must die.”
“Intrigue within intrigue - you know sometimes I’m glad I’m not royal”
“If you were royal we wouldn’t have this problem in the first place You could just stick in a request for an alliance by marriage and then you get me by default, assuming of course I do not go through with my plan to jump overboard halfway through the sea crossing and swim to Constantinople.”
“You wouldn’t do that to me…would you?”
“The only way you will find out is to reveal you are actually prince Fulk of Somewhereorother travelling in disguise and that you wanted to see if I lived up to my portraits, which of course I do not, before sticking in that request for a alliance by marriage.”
“Why don’t you look like your portraits? I thought the whole idea was a good likeness to show off your power and wealth – not that I’m wishing you were ugly or anything”
“Usually that is the idea, but in this case I am unofficially off the marriage market – I know far too much sensitive information, and my acumen laden parent does like to get his moneys worth out of agents before killing them. The portraits always drain the life out of me, and generally make plain look far worse. You would never recognise one of them as me, and that is part of the idea since it makes me harder to identify when I leave a trail of dead bodies lying about. It can simply be claimed that the princess responsible for the murder is a fake sent by a faction who wish to make England look bad.”
“All this skulduggery is too much for a simple man like myself, I prefer hitting things with swords to activities involving thinking.”
“Now you are lying again, you are not a simple man at all, and you do enjoy thinking. Why else would we spend so much time matching wits if not to see who can out-think who?”
“You know me too well, Oh Insightful One. You’re more familiar with this tangle than me, so what are we going to do? I can see only two paths, well I guess three…”
“And they would be?”
“Firstly we run away together.”
“That would never work, a spy in each and every settlement, remember? The same applies to other faction’s lands, the network is not quite so complete but within a month the whole of Christendom would be looking for us. There would be nowhere to hide, and even if we did escape notice...well we would be looking over our shoulders for the rest of our lives.”
“Then I could leave and never return.”
“If that is what you want.”
“Of course not But that way no suspicion could be cast on you, you’d be safe…safer.”
“And we would both be miserable. As pathetic as it may seem I would miss you…oh since I am making a fool of myself I may as well be honest and say I would probably pine away or some other equally embarrassing thing.”
“This coming from someone who keeps threatening to kill me”
“You know I don’t mean a word of it.”
“Once again you know me too well, or perhaps you know that I know you too well to fall for your death threats. Ah well, I may as well be honest and make a prat out of myself too – if I left I’d just become some drunken, broken down knight on a crusade wasting my time away in a haze of cheap wine.”
“Well you had best stay then, I fear neither of those roles would suit us.”
“And that leaves the third option. I stay; we travel about like we did before and try to fool the world into believing we don’t even like each other. We would get the occasional stolen moment, but we’d always have to be careful no one saw the truth.”
“An illusion we could not keep up forever.”
“No.”
“And when they tidy up my loose end you will be disposed of too, because you would know too much to be left alive.”
“I’ve been assuming that for some time now – they’ll be hacking their way past my dead body to kill you.”
“How very…” Eleanor trailed off, finding she didn’t really know what to say. Fulk picked up where she had left off, “Let me finish that list for you. We would always be right next to each other, but never really able to do or say anything. I would have to sit about and watch you get battered, you would always be alone when you needed someone most because it’s a well-known fact people always go to those they care about when they are in need of comfort. If they ever decided to get rid of me, be it murder or service elsewhere you couldn’t do anything other than watch me leave, and I could do nothing but go.”
“We would never have a moments peace, always watching for prying eyes and suspicion.”
“It would drive us mad, or get us killed, or more likely both…and it seems to be our only option.”
“What we have now is the best things will ever get, the moment they decide I am fit to travel that cover story which currently gives us so much freedom will be nothing more than a memory and the cause of yet another royal temper tantrum. Somehow…if I am going to be killed this seems a better reason than being too old to convincingly play the travelling princess in search of a husband, or upsetting my father once too often.”
“You don’t have to die you know – it isn’t inevitable”
“Yes it is.”
“No – your father is the paranoid one, if he dies while you are still alive things change.”
“I have no real idea of what Hugh is like, I haven’t seen him in years. My father is the only family I see regularly, and I would rather avoid that as much as possible. Hugh and I exchange the occasional letter, but not so many as I do with John. He has a reputation for being a good man, just like John, but the only way to know is to meet him.”
“There you are then, we keep going as long as possible and try to outlive the king, then hope for better times when your brother is on the throne.”
“Outlive…that is not something I had ever dared consider…so many narrow escapes, it is a wonder I am still alive.”
“So what do you think then?”
“I think right now I am just another unimportant minor noble with the rather common name of Eleanor, and apparently married to you. It is also freezing, so I shall borrow half your cloak before I turn blue”
“I was just thinking I was getting a bit cold, I could use a heat source and if that heat source happens to have its own crown so much the better.” Fulk threw his arm and half of his large cloak over Eleanor’s shoulders, she slipped her arm around his waist and they kept walking in silence.





First things first: Thank you Demon and Axeknight http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/ht_bow.gif Next year there will be a lot of competition for the story HOF award, excellent.

Ok, so that part was not very funny and also quite dull. It will pick up again in the next part. At least this part had less hard to write stuff in it, small comfort since the next part is much the same in tone as part 1.

Taking a deep breath and watching a cloud overhead with apparent rapt fascination Fulk blurted out, “Um...well it doesn’t have to be the wrong idea…um, well yes…no…um, thing” either he does a long speech and gets it wrong, or he tries to be more direct and still messes it up, gah When it comes to saying anything related to how he feels about our shy and retiring leading lady I think he would be more successful if he stuck to less than five words and rehearsed them beforehand, possibly even writing them down somewhere so he can read them out.

“Unless you are under Welsh law you can claim nothing,” Welsh law being a rather interesting bit of law that was around in the early middle ages. Any son, legitimate or not, could inherit legally as long as the father acknowledged him. It applied to Welsh people and Welsh lands, so if Fulk was Welsh and Hiddulth was parked in Wales he would have inherited just like a legitimate son in England. But of course Fulk is English, Hiddulth is somewhere vaguely in the Midlands (hmm, they don’t give me a map) and the law has been discouraged since king ‘happy’ William’s brother stomped all over Wales in his armoured boots.

just imagine the civil war you could get with five sons sounds like some wacky special deal – collect 5 sons and win this deluxe civil war with 50% more maiming and killing

”I’d just become some drunken, broken down knight on a crusade wasting my time away in a haze of cheap wine.” Well right back in the beginning she did promise he would turn into an alcoholic if he travelled with her for long enough http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/tongue.gif

“You don’t have to die you know – it isn’t inevitable” yes, thank you Fulk Gah, her refusal to think of a way out of being killed really annoys me, well at least that changes now.

[Axeknight]

So, are we getting more Eleanor and Fulk? Hope so.


Quote[/b] ]“No – your father is the paranoid one, if he dies while you are still alive things change.”

Is Fulk suggesting they kill the king? Or is he just saying Hey, let's keep pretending we hate each other till your father has one tantrum too many and has a heart attack

Oh King... Come and get your totally unpoisoned wine...
http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

[frogbeastegg]

Quote[/b] (Axeknight @ April 06 2004,11:54)]So, are we getting more Eleanor and Fulk? Hope so.
Yes, loads more. There is definitely tale 6 (Three's a crowd), tale 7 (Inevitable, really...) and tale 8 (no title yet) left in this series, probably more since things get...busy. There is also space for another two series, the duo I 'know' are telling all this from about 6 years later. All this is just the beginning, but the beginning is the most interesting bit.


Quote[/b] ]
Quote[/b] ]“No – your father is the paranoid one, if he dies while you are still alive things change.”

Is Fulk suggesting they kill the king? Or is he just saying Hey, let's keep pretending we hate each other till your father has one tantrum too many and has a heart attack

Oh King... Come and get your totally unpoisoned wine...
http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif
He's suggesting they keep a low profile until dear kingy drops dead of his own accord, king 'happy' William is far too suspicious to take any drinks etc his youngest daughter offers him. Knowing Eleanor she would have killed her dear father years ago if she could find a way to do so, can't blame her really.

[Axeknight]

Good to hear there's more...

So, I shall try to understand. I'll do it in smilies.

Okay, so the King http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-furious3.gif doesn't want Eleanor and Fulk to marry http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/cheers.gif . So they decide to keep a low profile and avoid http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-gossip.gif until the King dies http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-lost.gif . then they can live (read argue) happily ever after http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-argue.gif http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/bigthumb.gif

[frogbeastegg]

I shall borrow the smiley thing, it looks like fun

The king http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-furious3.gif doesn't want them to do anything at all, especially not fall in http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-love.gif or start any http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-gossip.gif . Therefore they will pretend they are not http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-smitten.gif while being very worried http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-sweatdrop.gif until the king dies http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-skull.gif . When that happens they will carefully sound out her brother http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-crown.gif to see if he will turn a blind eye to http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-crowngrin.gif and http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/ht_knight.gif and their http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-argue.gif If the king finds out about them the king will http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-bomb.gif with a lot of http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-furious3.gif and http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-whip.gif with http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-behead.gif and http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-dead.gif , basically for them http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-end.gif


In most countries no one would care what they were doing, she should be married off by now...at nearly 20 she is past it. If she were married, well they were practical people back then and so long as you had a couple of heirs who were undoubtedly ahem, heirs it didn't really matter too much since everyone knew it was a political marriage. Of course she isn't married and is not likely to be (firstly there is that nice reputation designed to make her seem as unappealing as possible, secondly there is the fact she would not be too happy with the whole thing and run for it), so it is all a case of the king turning a blind eye to them. There would be a scandal, but somehow I can't see either of them being upset by that. If you don't have a king who sees their relationship as nothing but a breeding ground for civil war then there is no problem.

The reason king 'happy' William doesn't want even a tiny hint of rumour about them so much as liking each other runs thusly: A rumour like that spreads, soon the whole country would be talking and Eleanor and Fulk. Rumours always grow; a scandal is more interesting if it is juicy. It may start out as Eleanor and Fulk held hands but it would soon transmute into Eleanor and Fulk are lovers with 7 secret children. Fast-forward a few years and some disloyal lord decides to make a bid for power. He drags out some random boy of appropriate age, claims it is one of the 7 children mentioned in that rumour, and starts a war to stick it on the throne under his influence. The chances of that civil war starting for such a stupid reason are minimal but this king is very paranoid indeed. Alternately the duo could actually have a few children, starting a dynasty of half royal bratlings that need giving power and prestige to keep them loyal.

On the slightly more sane side of the coin dear kingy would lose the potential marriage token of Eleanor since the prevailing thing at this level of society is virgin brides or widows only, kingy would have to provide compensation in the form of a hefty sum of cash to her diplomatic husband. The idea being you can do what the heck you like when you are married, but not before, at least not for the royalty and highest nobility, no one cares about peasants and lower nobility. It’s all about knowing your heir is yours and if the lady has a reputation for having a lover or two before you even get married then there is a lot of space for doubt…

[Axeknight]

Yeah, I got that bit, http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-furious3.gif http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-lost.gif doesn't want http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/ht_knight.gif to ruin the chances of his using http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-crown.gif as a last-ditch bargaining chip with a foreign power, in case he's really desperate and is fresh out of http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-crown.gif s. Also, http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-lost.gif http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-furious3.gif is paranoid that http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/ht_knight.gif will use http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-crown.gif as a claim to the throne, and start a civil war, and http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-behead.gif him, before becoming http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-crowngrin.gif himself.

The 'outlive' thing was the only bit I wasn't sure of.

[frogbeastegg]

They kept walking quietly for some time, eventually Eleanor asked a question she had been wondering about for months. “You never did say how you broke your nose.”
“No, I doubt I did.”
“It almost sounds as if you are embarrassed – so what did you do? Walk into a door? Pick a fight with someone and lose? Do rather badly in a training exercise and get your helmet nasal whacked into your nose? Do tell” Fulk looked down at her half amused, half wounded, “None of those, what do you think I am? Some kind of clumsy oaf?”
“Yes So, how did you do it?”
“You’ll laugh – I know you will”
“I promise I will not laugh, princess’s honour.” Eleanor tried, and failed, to look angelic. Fulk rubbed the bridge of his nose with his free hand, “Ah well I suppose I can tell you – but if you laugh I’ll pick you up and drop you in a hedge One summer when I was a boy I skipped my training and went fishing with Wyatt-”
“Oh, you got caught, blah, blah and it all added up to a broken nose. Well that isn’t funny”
“No, I didn’t get caught…well not exactly. We snagged a couple of trout, then my master of arms appeared and we took off-”
“But he managed to catch up with you, therefore the broken nose? If that is supposed to be funny significant chunks of my life have been a comedy.”
“Oh no, we left him behind…Wyatt dropped his trout in his rush to flee, the master of arms must have slipped on it-”
“So when you went home you got your nose broken by an angry fish covered lug with a wooden sword? Still not the least bit funny.”
“My nose was reshaped before I got home, so you’re still wrong Also the master of arms filched the fish for himself, so he wasn’t all that upset.”
“Diplomatic bribery? I should have tried that…I rather doubt Trempwick is open to offers of fish though.”
“So there we were, running as fast as we could and I was still carrying my fish. We went tearing past the fields and ended up cutting through the edge of the village. By some bad luck we ran into the reeve blocking the narrow gap we were aiming for, he saw my fish…well hard not to really since I was holding it by the tail and it was flapping about as I ran-”
“So the reeve got you for poaching? Definitely not funny.”
“Well no, he tried to block our path but Wyatt was a skinny little runt, although you wouldn’t believe that now, and he slipped through the reeve’s legs. I was considerably taller, so I had to knock the reeve out of my path – it was too late to change direction and there were buildings all around. So I hit him with the only thing on hand-”
“You smacked your father’s reeve with a fish?”
“Well I was panicking a bit by then Blood rushing and all that, it did get him out the way so it wasn’t such a bad idea By this time there was a bit of a fuss in the village, people crowding out to see, but somehow Wyatt and I got away ahead of the crowd. We headed to the forest-”
“And then you ran into a tree while checking over your shoulder for pursuit?”
“Well, no – actually Wyatt pushed a branch out of his way and then let it go when he was past, it shot back and hit me in the face, breaking my nose.” Eleanor howled with laughter, Fulk stopped walking and turned to face her, practically glowing with mock fury, “You promised you wouldn’t laugh”
“I can’t help it All that mystery and daring do ending up in a broken nose from a springy branch”
“I bet you never did anything like that then, being royal and dignified and all that.” said Fulk haughtily, trying to salvage his own dignity. Eleanor tried to stop laughing, “More than you might think”
“Right, I said I’d drop you in a hedge if you laughed” growled Fulk, doing a reasonable job of appearing livid. Eleanor smiled confidently, “You would never do that, you are nothing but a big soft squishy thing…a slug perhaps?”
“My Dear Unexpected Treasure, telling a man who’s threatening to drop you in a hedge that he reminds you of a slug is not going to help your cause”
“Perhaps not, it is true though – slugs are soft and squishy, just like your heart.”
“I think perhaps I’ll upgrade the hedge to a pond”
“You would never dare”
“No?” Fulk picked Eleanor up and started walking, “There’s a pond nearby; off we go then.” Eleanor grabbed the trailing hem of her dress and threw it over her feet so Fulk wouldn’t trip over it, looped her right arm around Fulk’s shoulders, and settled back to enjoy the ride. “Hmm, interesting situation you have got yourself into here.” she observed cheerfully, “If you do drop me in a pond I shall never forgive you, if you give up now you look all weak and pathetic, and I shall never believe a single threat you utter ever again”
“You don’t believe any of my threats now Well either that or you feel like a swim…may I point out you are not supposed to be laughing right now? You should be begging for my forgiveness in an attempt to avoid a watery end”
“Royalty never begs, but as you wish it I shall give pleading my best effort – put me down or else How was that?”
“Not nearly good enough, and that was a command not a grovelling request.”
“Hmm, how about ‘put me down or I shall scream’ Is that any better?”
“Not exactly, you’ll probably scream as I drop you in the pond anyway so it all adds up the same.” Fulk cast an eye over the frozen landscape, “There is no one to hear anyway.”
“Oh yes, I know that – the lack of people was why we wandered up here in the first place.”
“Oh look, there’s the pond just coming into view. Anything to say?”
“Yes, I happen to know a few bits of information that place me several steps ahead of you in this case.”
“Arrogant little show off, aren’t you?” said Fulk with an amused smile. Eleanor put on her proper princess act, “But of course, I am a princess you know. I shall share my superior knowledge with you on this occasion, so feel privileged.”
“Oh I do, believe me I do”
“Firstly being the soft fuzzy thing you are you do not have the guts to drop the love of your life in a pond.”
“That’s debateable, I mean you could be a passing fancy…”
“Well yes, but for now you are hopelessly in love with me and that is the important thing.”
“I think I created a monster with that speech” muttered Fulk ruefully. Eleanor patted him on the head, “If you say so dearest rusty, you know I never argue with you. Secondly you rather like following me around, that would be rather difficult if I decided I never wanted to see you again.”
“I could be a stalker…”
“Thirdly you do not want to kill me, and at this time of the year the water is more than a bit cold, as is the air. In my weakened condition I doubt I could survive a dip.”
“Well I could use a bit of peace and quiet…”
“Fourthly I have nicely arranged my good arm about your shoulders in a friendly gesture that will become something of a death grip if you try to drop me, thereby hurting your neck considerably.”
“Well in that case I shall put you down, persuade you to let go, and then push you in the pond”
“Fifthly I know something about this pond you do not, although now we are getting close you may be getting an inkling - it has frozen over so I am not dropping in anything”
“Well darn” Fulk was not at all surprised, “I’ll have to punch a hole in the ice first”
“That sounds like a lot of work.”
“Oh it is.”
“I shouldn’t bother then.”
“No, I suppose not. But I was serious and resolved, it’s just this time of year is so inconvenient for ducking witches.”
“Well I am glad that is settled then, you are a big softy and never meant a word of it. I knew it all along.”
“I shall wait until spring melts the ice, and then prove otherwise”
“That is very nice of you, very considerate.”
“Yes, the advance warning will give you time to call your knight to rescue you from a bath.”
“I have no knight.”
“I could be your knight…if you wanted.”
“I have never had a knight of my own before…”
“I’m sure I’d be up to the job, rescuing you, championing your cause, protecting your reputation-“
“So far that last one is not going well”
“I’m rather new to this knight business, one step at a time as they say. Protecting a damsel’s reputation while simultaneously romancing her is advanced stuff.”
“Yes, it probably is”
“There you are then, we’ll get back to the reputation protecting later when I’m a higher grade of knight, in the meantime I’ll stick to romancing. I can also do jousting with your colours, leading your army, slaying your dragons, challenging those who insult you to a duel, and general amusement involving highly respectable things like chess.”
“Oh ye gods, it always has to come back to the accursed game that is chess, doesn’t it? I am not sure I want a knight, while it would be nice to let someone else worry about the rescuing and evil knight vanquishing I would have to start acting like a respectable noble…alas I feel that role ill suits me.”
“No, somehow that doesn’t sound like you at all - polite, refined, sophisticated, gentle manner, behaving respectably…no, not you at all”
“I am glad you agree. On one of the rare occasions my sister Rowena deigned to speak to me she said I belonged with an evil knight, as only an evil knight would tolerate me.”
“What did you do to this unfortunate Rowena?”
“I told her if I ever saw an evil knight I would be sure to chase after him and ask him to kidnap me so I could get away from people like her” Eleanor looked rather embarrassed, “Well I was only four at the time, you cannot really expect stunning comebacks from a four year old.”
“Somehow I agree with her The shouting, arguing, fighting, travelling, plotting, planning, and general warfare that goes with evil knights would suit you far better than sitting around looking interesting in embroidery I’ll amend my statement – I could be your evil knight if you wanted.”
“Well that is slightly better, but I am not sure I want to be carried everywhere slung over your shoulder-”
“I’m lazy, I shall let you walk” Fulk neatly overlooked the fact he was still carrying her.
“Hmm, and being imprisoned inside a tower would be like putting a bird in a cage.”
“A harpy in a cage, let’s get our terminology right You can stop outside and get rained on for all I care.”
“Better and better So be it, you are formally accepted as my evil knight.”
“Now I need a suit of black armour, also a black war horse.”
“No problem, I shall have them sent over from the castle’s stores.”
“Then it appears there is nothing left to say but the traditional pledge of allegiance. Oh Great Plague On My Existence I swear to follow you across the land, I am yours.”
“Mine? Well in that case I shall have the armourer inscribe ‘The wearer of this armour is property of Her Royal Highness Princess Eleanor of England’ on your armour.”
“So long as you engrave it in the same style as the matching text on my heart, Oh Affectionate Apple.”
“Oh not again What is it with you and bad romantic literature as squawked by bards? And what has an apple to do with anything?”
“Apple of my eye, I believe is the traditional thing…you could be a plum if you prefer.”
“Plum?”
“Hmm, or a carrot, perhaps a peapod would be better? No, I think not peapod…cabbage?”
“Do you think I am some kind of banquet? Anyway if you are trying, badly I might add, to say I am as sweet as fruit why have you wandered off into vegetables?”
“Well you’re hardly sweet at the best of times, to me you’re anything but sweet I know – you can be a gooseberry, they’re extremely sour and a bit of an acquired taste, just like you.”
“Well that is…lovely…I think…” replied a sceptical princess. Fulk smiled down at her, “Princess Gooseberry, I like it. You know for a gooseberry you’re quite heavy” he carefully let her down and threw half his cloak about her shoulders again, “Time to walk on your own two feet Oh Sour One – my poor arms are getting tired.”
“Well you are the one who picked me up in the first place, I do not recall asking you to.”
“No, and you didn’t ask me to put you down either”
“I assumed you had the gumption to work out how to put me down on your own, and anyway asking you to put me down would have been most impolite.”
“Nothing to do with the fact you were enjoying the ride?” Eleanor grinned shyly. “That too.” There was a long pause before she continued, “I release you from that stupid promise, whether you meant it or not.”
“Tired of me already?”
“No, I would rather you followed me around because you wanted to, for as long as you want…just give me a bit of warning when you get fed up and decide to leave.”
“If I decide to leave, small chance of that happening.”
“You say that now, but who knows where we will end up? No more oaths.”
“That makes me something of a stray dog.”
“Not at all - you are still my bodyguard until you decide to clear off.”
“Well I won’t ask you to tell me when you get fed up of toying with me – I know you’ll tell me very loudly in many big and impressive words all formed up to a collection of stinging insults”
“I am not toying with you You are not worth the effort Nor the risk for that matter”
“See what I mean? That really put me in my place” Fulk gave up on his bad attempt at humour, “I know you’re not toying with me, just as you know I’m not going to get bored and wander off.”
“This kind of thing may sound fantastic in one of those stupid stories you seem to like so much, but the reality…no, not at all. It is one thing to say you will be driven mad, and another to actually be driven mad.”
“I know-”
“Don’t bother If you do stay until the end, whatever that may be, then excellent. But don’t tell me you will stay when you may not, it is a pointless exercise. I thought we agreed we would stop being gloomy and have some fun for these few weeks while we have the chance? If this is your idea of fun I never want to see your idea of depressing gloom”
“Well you know me, I’m an optimistic type of fellow who likes spending his time talking about death, doom and misery for a little light relief from my arduous job of spending time with a gooseberry”
“Gooseberry…” Eleanor considered the name and smiled slightly, obviously growing to like it. Fulk shivered, “Time to get back to the castle – even with you to keep me warm I’m beginning to freeze”
“And what will we do when we get back?”
“Play chess of course”
“Oh no” Eleanor groaned, and started to talk to herself, “Just the rest of today, survive the rest of today and you will lose the sling tomorrow, then you can get on with something interesting…oh I have never been very good at fooling myself I shall be spending most of Christmas asleep recovering from having these blasted stitches removed, one drugged sleep mixed with worrying, pain and boredom.”
“Well there’s a bright side, or two to this.”
“Pray enlighten me.”
“Well you hate parties, dancing and all that, so the solid excuse to miss the obligatory Christmas party I will be holding for everyone should be valuable to you. Also since I am rumoured to be your highly unfortunate husband I am probably supposed to be sat by your bedside again, worrying away. So you the benefit of my company the entire time.”
“Do I dare ask what you think we will be doing for those few days?”
“Playing chess of course” returned Fulk innocently, Eleanor chuckled and they turned back towards the castle.






Q: What happens when froggy is writing a large update to the Beginner’s Guide and gets bored?
A: You just read it

This part wasn’t gloomy, well not too gloomy anyway. Mostly dialogue so it got written very quickly, and part of this has been finished for over a week now. Things will probably slow down again, a few days at the least until the next part.


“None of those, what do you think I am? Some kind of clumsy oaf?” for those who may think this story makes Fulk sound rather oafish, well he gets almost all his injuries outside of battle for a reason – he is rather handy in a fight and doesn’t lose. Getting hit by a branch when you are about 10 can happen to anyone, getting your helmet nasal smashed into your nose is far more likely to happen to someone who can’t fight very well.

“Diplomatic bribery? I should have tried that…I rather doubt Trempwick is open to offers of fish though.” which begs the question “What do you offer a spy master as a bribe?”

“If you say so dearest rusty, you know I never argue with you.” http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-stunned.gif

“Well you’re hardly sweet at the best of times, to me you’re anything but sweet I know – you can be a gooseberry, they’re extremely sour and a bit of an acquired taste, just like you.” this would be why I keep calling her Gooseberry, the name is so apt I stole it from Fulk http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-grin.gif

”recovering from having these blasted stitches removed,” I know medieval people are supposed to have gone with cauterisation to seal wounds, but it all seems to have depended on who you got treating you. Sticking her arm in a sling seems dubious practise to me, surely you would want the arm straight so the muscle healed at full stretch, doing it so the arm is bent at the elbow risks the muscle healing short…I think, froggy is no doctor Well I suppose it worked…

[frogbeastegg]

Eleanor is now on indefinite hold, pending rewriting from scratch. This version with its many changes in focus and frog upsetting style is dead, a new version will be written in a cohesive form, from the true beginning. I think I have managed to get their co-operation to write this in a better way, even if it does involve many changes from what they tell me.

However it will probably take months before anything appears here, so to put readers out of their misery here is a rough outline for the rest of the series. Spoilers rampant, extremely big ones that give away all those plot twists etc I mentioned.

Spoiler Alert! Highlight to read. When Eleanor heals enough to start using that arm again Trempwick suddenly appears, confronting her and Fulk when they are in a quiet location suitable for shouting stuff about royal families that you don’t want grubby peasants to overhear. He is a mite furious, to say the least. He drags them away to the manor, claiming he is going to cover this up so they don’t get killed. Basically their romance is all over, and Fulk will be sent away somewhere distant as soon as Trempwick has time to arrange something.

When they arrive at the manor it is obvious Trempwick has lied – the king already knows and is going nuts. He demands Fulk and Eleanor are brought before him, and he attacks her as per usual, but Fulk steps in and sort of accidentally kills him (well the dagger to the ribs was unplanned, but what else could rust bucket do? He claims he didn’t mean to, the frog doesn’t believe), Trempwick (the only other person there) then points out that civil war is now in the offing, and Eleanor is a very valuable token indeed to an ambitious man. Oh dear, Fulk is going to die for treasons (he says), and Eleanor will be dragged off here and there by anyone wanting a throne. So why not let him help them, if he marries Eleanor he will be so gracious and let them keep their relationship going. He will also make such a good king, and so on, blah blah. Eleanor agrees. (Trempwick has been plotting for decades; he has many allies and has killed off his opposition quietly in the king’s name. He knows loads from being spymaster. The sole reason he saved Eleanor, and has kept on saving her, is that he needed her to supply a good claim to the throne. Their romance has forced him to act early…)

The duo exit stage right to her own rooms, where they get locked in (predictably) and she says the obvious, i.e. “No way am I marrying that git”, and the game of agent chess begins. She has to escape to her sole surviving brother, if she doesn’t she gets dragged to the altar. Fulk will obviously be disposed of as soon as he is no longer useful, right now he is useful because Trempwick can threaten to chop him to bits to make her behave. Problem: Trempwick knows her too well for anything to succeed. Solution: Agent chess with the aim to lose badly.

They make an escape attempt, are caught easily, as expected by both sides. Then they make another break for it, this time looking very serious but in actual fact another ruse. It gets nasty when they are caught, she picks up a new scar or two, and Fulk loses part of his ear. Oh look, they have lost and have given up. Boo hoo

Trempwick and his allied goons now drag our duo on a nice trip to a big city so he can get married in style with loads of witnesses. Cue meeting with powerful lord Trempwick has nearly won over, who has a large castle on the way to the big city. He is ultra loyal to the crown, believes the true heir is dead (Trempwick sent out assassins, but claims it was ill health) and that the king has named Trempwick his successor (oh look, he gave me his daughter to support my claim), Eleanor disagrees with this right about the point she thumps some goon on the head with that fancy crown Trempwick made her wear, running to safety. One quick explanation and the lord joins their cause. Trempwick is now princessesless and pissed off in the extreme.

They relax for a few days safe in this big, posh castle until news is brought that one of her brothers, Hugh, is still alive and is in London about to be crowned. With a big escort the duo set off to meet him.

Eleanor, Fulk and Hugh meet up, she tells him a thing or two (e.g. no way in hell are you dumping me on some old count to aid your cause also: No, Fulk is not going to be removed and by the way I intend to marry him or similar) and both siblings demonstrate they inherited their father’s lovely temper, much to Fulk’s concern, as they are yelling away in Latin so he can’t understand anything they say. By asking for what she knows she will never get (i.e. married to Fulk with nice lands etc) she gets what she wants (permission for a covert relationship), but only when the war is won.

Civil war goes here, assorted stuff I think I will alter when I write this, as their own version is a bit too Hollywoodish for my tastes. She is not going to do a Joan of Arc with the helmet flying off, as a beam of sunlight hits her armour, stunning people into thinking she is an angel No way

Remember that bit about how to get married without permission? Well guess what they do, but as Fulk says “I’m not going to be the one to break this to your brother, ‘sorry your majesty but I appear to have inadvertently married your sister because I dozed off’ is likely to get us in trouble”

The civil war is won, she is granted that manor where she used to train all the time. Fulk tags along, still officially her bodyguard. Do they leave peacefully ever after? Not a chance in hell Does anyone actually believe Fulk is just a bodyguard? Nope, let’s say there are a few songs going around about a princess and her bodyguard… Hugh is as good as his word; he doesn’t do anything more than complain loudly, and threaten to kill any children they might have, or more accurately to kill her if she ever gets pregnant, since killing babies is more of a sin than killing a sister of disreputable reputation. The family phobia of civil war lives on.

The end of series 1.[/QUOTE]

All of that is subject to change, obviously some things will remain the same (the big details) but little things can, and probably will, be changed when I write this properly.

The new version will appear in a new topic, probably when Red Hand is finished.

[Monk]

Quote[/b] (frogbeastegg @ May 18 2004,17:09)]The new version will appear in a new topic, probably when Red Hand is finished.
If so, then would you like me to unpin this topic, or leave it up? To me it doesn't matter really since as it is now it's not bothering anybody, I just thought i'd ask. Though i imagine it would be unpinned and (possibly) closed when the new version is posted to keep from confusing people.

Ok enough of my talk. Keep up the good work froggy http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/wave.gif http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-book2.gif

[frogbeastegg]

Until the new topic appears this one can be left open, I don't mind whether it stays pinned or not in the meantime.