octavian
05-12-2004, 23:48
1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them
>and stranding them at strategic locations.
>
>2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
>
>3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten-minute intervals
>throughout the day.
>
>4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to
>join.
>
>5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the
>spray air fresheners.
>
>6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift-wrap.
>
>7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
>
>8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
>
>9. When there are people behind you, walk really slowly,
>especially in thin aisles.
>
>10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, I
>think we've got a code 3 in housewares, and see what happens.
>
>11. Turn all the radios to polka stations; then turn them off
>and turn the volume up to full blast.
>
>12. Play with the automatic doors.
>
>13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, Hi. I haven't seen
>you in so long. etc. See if they play along.
>
>14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself
>loud enough for all to hear, Who buys this crap anyway?
>
>15. Repeat #14 in the jewelry department.
>
>16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you are
>taking it for a test drive.
>
>17. Follow people through the aisles, staying about 5 feet
>behind them. Do this until they leave the store.
>
>18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store
>as your playing field.
>
>19. As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner, look
>mesmerized and say, Wow, magic
>
>20. Take off your shoes and tell them you want to return it and
>when they say you didn't buy it there say Hmmmm....I thought
>the customer was always right
>
>21. Move Caution : Wet Floor signs to carpeted areas.
>
>22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you
>will only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
>
>23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can catch from other
>aisles.
>
>24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
>
>25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying,
>I'm Batman. Come Robin, to the Batcave.
>
>26. TP as much of the store as possible.
>
>27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
>
>28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell hello
>upside down.
>
>29. When someone asks you if you need help, begin to cry and
>say, Why won't you people just leave me alone?
>
>30. When 2 or 3 people are walking ahead of you, run between
>them yelling Red Rover.
>
>31. Make up nonsense products and ask employees if there are any
>in stock. (i.e.: Shnerples)
>
>32. Take up an entire aisle in toys by setting up a full-scale
>battle with G.I. Joe vs. X-men.
>
>33. Take bets on the battle from above.
>
>34. Test the brushes and combs in cosmetics.
>
>35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask
>the clerk where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as
>possible.
>
>36. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
>
>37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from
>Mission Impossible.
>
>38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
>
>39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
>
>40. Say things like, Would you be so kind as to direct me to
>your Twinkies.
>
>41. Set up a Valet Parking sign in front of the store.
>
>42. Two words: Marco Polo.
>
>43. Leave Cheerios in lawn and garden, pillows in the pet
>section, etc.
>
>44. Re-alphabetize the CD's.
>
>45. In the auto department, practice your Madonna look with
various funnels.
>
>46. When someone steps away from his or her cart to look at
>something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
>
>47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
>
>48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, drop to
>your knees and scream, No, no, its those voices again.
>
>49. Pay off layaways 50 cents at a time.
>
>50. Drag a lounge chair over to the magazines and relax. Go to
>the food court, buy a drink, and explain that you don't get out
>much and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
>
>*BONUS*
>
>1. Attempt to do all of the above in the same visit, without
>getting kicked out.
>
>2. Try to hold up customers with the toy guns. See how much you
>can make.
>and stranding them at strategic locations.
>
>2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
>
>3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten-minute intervals
>throughout the day.
>
>4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to
>join.
>
>5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the
>spray air fresheners.
>
>6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift-wrap.
>
>7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
>
>8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
>
>9. When there are people behind you, walk really slowly,
>especially in thin aisles.
>
>10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, I
>think we've got a code 3 in housewares, and see what happens.
>
>11. Turn all the radios to polka stations; then turn them off
>and turn the volume up to full blast.
>
>12. Play with the automatic doors.
>
>13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, Hi. I haven't seen
>you in so long. etc. See if they play along.
>
>14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself
>loud enough for all to hear, Who buys this crap anyway?
>
>15. Repeat #14 in the jewelry department.
>
>16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you are
>taking it for a test drive.
>
>17. Follow people through the aisles, staying about 5 feet
>behind them. Do this until they leave the store.
>
>18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store
>as your playing field.
>
>19. As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner, look
>mesmerized and say, Wow, magic
>
>20. Take off your shoes and tell them you want to return it and
>when they say you didn't buy it there say Hmmmm....I thought
>the customer was always right
>
>21. Move Caution : Wet Floor signs to carpeted areas.
>
>22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you
>will only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
>
>23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can catch from other
>aisles.
>
>24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
>
>25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying,
>I'm Batman. Come Robin, to the Batcave.
>
>26. TP as much of the store as possible.
>
>27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
>
>28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell hello
>upside down.
>
>29. When someone asks you if you need help, begin to cry and
>say, Why won't you people just leave me alone?
>
>30. When 2 or 3 people are walking ahead of you, run between
>them yelling Red Rover.
>
>31. Make up nonsense products and ask employees if there are any
>in stock. (i.e.: Shnerples)
>
>32. Take up an entire aisle in toys by setting up a full-scale
>battle with G.I. Joe vs. X-men.
>
>33. Take bets on the battle from above.
>
>34. Test the brushes and combs in cosmetics.
>
>35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask
>the clerk where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as
>possible.
>
>36. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
>
>37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from
>Mission Impossible.
>
>38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
>
>39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
>
>40. Say things like, Would you be so kind as to direct me to
>your Twinkies.
>
>41. Set up a Valet Parking sign in front of the store.
>
>42. Two words: Marco Polo.
>
>43. Leave Cheerios in lawn and garden, pillows in the pet
>section, etc.
>
>44. Re-alphabetize the CD's.
>
>45. In the auto department, practice your Madonna look with
various funnels.
>
>46. When someone steps away from his or her cart to look at
>something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
>
>47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
>
>48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, drop to
>your knees and scream, No, no, its those voices again.
>
>49. Pay off layaways 50 cents at a time.
>
>50. Drag a lounge chair over to the magazines and relax. Go to
>the food court, buy a drink, and explain that you don't get out
>much and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
>
>*BONUS*
>
>1. Attempt to do all of the above in the same visit, without
>getting kicked out.
>
>2. Try to hold up customers with the toy guns. See how much you
>can make.