Things my mother taught me

[ichi]

Things my mother taught me

Mother's Day arrived on May 9th. Here is a short list to review

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.

2. My mother taught me RELIGION. You better pray that will come out of the carpet.

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week

4. My mother taught me LOGIC. Because I said so, that's why.

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me.

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.

7. My mother taught me IRONY. Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. Shut your mouth and eat your supper.

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone.

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. Stop acting like your father

15 My mother taught me about ENVY. There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do.

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. Just wait until we get home

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING You are going to get it when you get home

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.

19. My mother taught me ESP. Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?

20. My mother taught me HUMOR. When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me.

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.

22. My mother taught me GENETICS. You're just like your father.

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?

24. My mother taught me WISDOM. When you get to be my age, you'll understand.

25. And my favorite: - My mother taught me about JUSTICE. One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you

ichi

[Lord Ovaat]

I think I've heard all of these before. Now, where could I possibly have heard them??? Oh, yeah. Mom. http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/frown.gif

[octavian]

http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/mecry.gif i never had a mother






lol J/K

[Lord Ovaat]

Sorry to hear that, OCTAVIAN. My real mother died when I was two. Never knew her, really. My adopted Mom certainly took her place, but at least I have some idea as to how you must feel.

[Finn]

My favorite was always


muuuuuuum, wheres my ?
where did you have it last?

if i bloody knew that i wouldnt be asking

[Kaiser of Arabia]

Sounds alot like my family,
and sorry about your mom, Ovaat. Must be hard.
Both my perants are still alive, although I live with me grandma, and my fathers in Jail and my mother used to write to Charles Manson (her new husband won't let her anymore).
-Caporegime

[son of spam]

Quote[/b] (Caporegime1984 @ May 13 2004,20:42)]Sounds alot like my family,
and sorry about your mom, Ovaat. Must be hard.
Both my perants are still alive, although I live with me grandma, and my fathers in Jail and my mother used to write to Charles Manson (her new husband won't let her anymore).
-Caporegime
ooooook...too much information http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

I like the jokes BTW.