Gawain of Orkeny
05-14-2004, 07:01
Q: What does Ted Kennedy have that President Clinton wishes he had?
A: A dead girlfriend.....
Q: How do you satisfy Clinton's sexual appetite?
A: It takes a village
If Kenneth Starr can extend his probe, what is wrong with Clinton doing the same?
They called off the investigation of President Clinton due to a lack of evidence.
Turns out he didn't tell her to lie, he told her to kneel.
Q: What does Bill Clinton have in common with his dick?
A: Both were once pointed sharply towards the left but are now, inexplicably, aimed directly at the center.
Only Clinton can take our mind off a sex scandal with another sex scandal
Overheard in the White House;
Yassar Arafat to Clinton-Billy, try Goats, they don't talk
Q: What does Bill say to Hillary after Great sex.
A: Honey I'll be home in 15 minutes. (Old I know, but seemed appropriate again)
Nixon was the crooked President who followed Johnson.
Clinton is the sitting President with a crooked Johnson.
(this refers to the bend in his penis which was remarked by Paula Jones.)
It seems the biggest new game to play in Washington DC is swallow the leader.
How ironic... this is the second time in history a Deep Throat has been at the center of a presidental controversy.
Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and the Titanic?
A: Only 1500 went down on the Titanic.
Q: What does Monica Lewinsky have on her Resume?
A: Sat on the Presidential Staff
In a survey of American women, when asked, Would you sleep with President Clinton, 86% replied, Not again
Q: What's the new press name for the latest Presidential scandal?
A: Fornigate.
Most people afraid of getting AIDS from sex. Clinton is afraid of getting sex from Aides.
Cheers B
Q: What were Clinton's fist words to Paula Jones at the deposition?
A: So now you open your mouth
Q: Do you know why Clinton doesn`t play his saxophone anymore ?
A: Cause he is playing with his horeMonika.
Q: Why was it difficult for Clinton to fire Monica Lewinsky?
A: He couldn't give her a pink slip without asking her to try it on first.
Q: What do Monica Lewinsky and Bob Dole have in common?
A: They were both upset when Bill finished first.
Q: What is Bill's definition of safe sex?
A: When Hillary is out of town.
Q: How does Bill keep Monica Lewinsky away from the White House?
A: He keeps offering to send Ted Kennedy over to give her a ride.
President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to see one of his aides nervously approach him.
What is it? exclaims the President.
It's this Abortion Bill, Mr. President, what do you want to do about it? the aide replies.
Just go ahead and pay it, responds the President.
Clinton is looking out of the window and he notices that someone has urinated the message, BILL SUCKS on a wall outside the White House.
Furious, he orders the FBI to take urine and handwriting samples from every member of the White House staff and find the culprit immediately. A week later, the FBI director calls. Mr. President, I have good news and bad news, he says. The good news is that the urine belongs to Bob Dole.
And the bad news? Clinton demands.
After a slight pause, the director replies, Sir, the handwriting belongs to your wife
Q: When did Clinton realize Paula Jones wasn't a Democrat?
A: When she didn't swallow everything he presented.
Q: Why is Clinton so interested in events in the Middle East?
A: He thinks the Gaza Strip is a topless bar.
Jan 28th
Q: Did you hear Clinton doesn't use bookmarks?
A: He just bends over the pages
Q: Why does Bill drink so much coffee?
A: He is required to stay up for many hours to satisfy the needs of his staff.
Q: How did Bill reply regarding questions of coaching Monica's testimony?
A: It wasn't words that I put in her mouth.
Q: What do Bill and Ross Perot have in common?
A: They both heard a giant sucking sound
Q: What's the headline on the Washington Post read?
A: Bush finally defeats Clinton.
President Clinton said to Monica, I didn't tell you to lie in the deposition . . .
I told you to lie in THAT POSITION
Bill Clinton's favorite pick-up line...
I'd love to meat you in the Oval Office.
Q: Why does Bill Clinton wear underwear?
A: To keep his ankles warm.
Q: Why did Monica always drink with a straw while she was an intern?
A: Practice
In a surprise interview, Monica was asked about the details of her late night meetings with the President...
I can't remember the details,she said,but I know the answer is on the tip of my tongue
Q: What does Hillary Clinton do right after she shaves her pussy?
A: She sends him to work.
Q: What is Clinton's favorite card game?
A: Poker
Q: What's Bill Clinton's favorite brand of potato chips?
A: Lays.
Q: Why did Clinton recommend Lewinsky for a job at revlon?
A: He knew she would be good at making things up.
Bill and Hillary are at a restaurant. The waiter tells them tonight's specials are chicken almondine and fresh fish.
The chicken sounds good; I'll have that, Hillary says.
The waiter nods. And, the vegetable? he asks.
Oh, he'll have the fish, Hillary replies.
Q: How does Bill keep Monica Lewinsky away from the White House?
A: He keeps offering to send Ted Kennedy over to give her a ride.
Q: What's the definition of an Arkansas Virgin?
A: A girl that can run faster than the Governor.
Did you hear that Clinton has decided to change his military rank from Commander in Chief to Semen First Class?
Q: What's the difference between Nixon and Lewinski?
A: One shredded the incriminating evidence, the other had not a shred of incriminating evidence
Q: How do you know Bill Clinton is done having sex?
A: When you have to wipe the White-Water off your blouse.....
Feb 2nd
After the State of the Union adress on Tuesday, President Clinton was asked about Rwanda.
I never slept with her, he replied.
Q: How did Ms. Lewinsky initially feel about her job in the White House?
A:She liked it going in.
Bill's favorite song is:
Yank My Doodle, It's a Dandy
Q: What would Congress have to do to avoid any more Presidential sex scandals along with solving the Iraqi problems?
A: Cut off the Presidential war head and drop it on Baghdad....
Q: What's the latest method Clinton's using to control his weight?
A: Lie-pole-suction
Q: Did you hear Hillary's writing a new book?
A: It's called 'It Takes A Village 2' (keep an eye on my husband)
Hey, it's different from the one above, slightly.
Q: What is Monica doing now that she can't see Willie?
A: Chewing Dickorette gum.
Hey did you hear that the president's plane got stuck in mud? The stewardess fell right off his lap.
Q: How is Bill Clinton like a computer?
A: He has good hard drive and ram but a problem with memory.
The IRS wants to audit Monica Lewinsky to see if she's claimed the money she saved by eating at Bill's.
Bill and Monica were made for each other. Monica has a crooked mouth.
Q: What’s the difference between Vince Foster, Ron Brown, and Monica Lewinsky?
A: Monica is the only one who took a shot in the head from Bill and lived to tell about it.
What does being an intern at the Whitehouse prepare one to do? A recent survey showed that 16% of former interns qualified as carpenters for making Bill's banana stand, 28% became kneepad salesmen, and 58% became head tasters at factorys making strong cheese.
The President is very excited about his new educational program for Americas children. He plans to teach sex education himself and believes he can solve the problem of enough meat in the school lunch program at the same time.
A couple of Bill Clinton buddies were talking about what a sweet smile Monica has.
Bill replied, Yes. She has the whitest teeth that I have ever come across.
What were some of the things listed on Monica's job description?
Worked in various positions under a high government official ... become familiar with White House (ceilings) ... get paid by the piece.
After her White House job , what could Monica add to her resume?
2 years on the Presidntial staff
Q: What did Bill Clinton say to Paula Jones?
A: I told you to lick my erection Not wreck my election
Q: What do the Green Bay Packers and Monica Lewinsky have in common?
A: They both blew the big one.
Q: Did you know that Monica isn't 100% Jewish?
A: She has a little bit of hillbilly in her.
What was Monica's official statement about the whole sex scandal?
It really left a bad taste in my mouth.
Q: What does Chelsea Clinton call the sexual allegations against her father?
A: POPPYCOCK
Q: Did You hear what happened to Monica Lewinski this morning?
A: She coughed up some new evidence.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
AP - Monica Lewinsky, in a statement released today, countered President Clinton's firm denial:
I have had enough. This whole experience has left a bitter taste in my mouth, and I can't stomach any more. I feel as if I am getting the shaft, that this ugly matter has come to a head and blown up in my face.
This may be a load to handle, but when things are hard, that is when I am at my best. I have faced hard things in the past, and I know what is coming. I will meet this challenge the only way I know how: head on.
I have licked bigger things than this before, and I will again. No one will ever be able to say that Monica Lewinsky isn't a finisher, that she quit before the job was done. I will work non-stop and fight this, blow by blow, until I am wiped clean of this dirty affair. I will not be stained by it.
Thank you.
Monica Lewinsky
A: A dead girlfriend.....
Q: How do you satisfy Clinton's sexual appetite?
A: It takes a village
If Kenneth Starr can extend his probe, what is wrong with Clinton doing the same?
They called off the investigation of President Clinton due to a lack of evidence.
Turns out he didn't tell her to lie, he told her to kneel.
Q: What does Bill Clinton have in common with his dick?
A: Both were once pointed sharply towards the left but are now, inexplicably, aimed directly at the center.
Only Clinton can take our mind off a sex scandal with another sex scandal
Overheard in the White House;
Yassar Arafat to Clinton-Billy, try Goats, they don't talk
Q: What does Bill say to Hillary after Great sex.
A: Honey I'll be home in 15 minutes. (Old I know, but seemed appropriate again)
Nixon was the crooked President who followed Johnson.
Clinton is the sitting President with a crooked Johnson.
(this refers to the bend in his penis which was remarked by Paula Jones.)
It seems the biggest new game to play in Washington DC is swallow the leader.
How ironic... this is the second time in history a Deep Throat has been at the center of a presidental controversy.
Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and the Titanic?
A: Only 1500 went down on the Titanic.
Q: What does Monica Lewinsky have on her Resume?
A: Sat on the Presidential Staff
In a survey of American women, when asked, Would you sleep with President Clinton, 86% replied, Not again
Q: What's the new press name for the latest Presidential scandal?
A: Fornigate.
Most people afraid of getting AIDS from sex. Clinton is afraid of getting sex from Aides.
Cheers B
Q: What were Clinton's fist words to Paula Jones at the deposition?
A: So now you open your mouth
Q: Do you know why Clinton doesn`t play his saxophone anymore ?
A: Cause he is playing with his horeMonika.
Q: Why was it difficult for Clinton to fire Monica Lewinsky?
A: He couldn't give her a pink slip without asking her to try it on first.
Q: What do Monica Lewinsky and Bob Dole have in common?
A: They were both upset when Bill finished first.
Q: What is Bill's definition of safe sex?
A: When Hillary is out of town.
Q: How does Bill keep Monica Lewinsky away from the White House?
A: He keeps offering to send Ted Kennedy over to give her a ride.
President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to see one of his aides nervously approach him.
What is it? exclaims the President.
It's this Abortion Bill, Mr. President, what do you want to do about it? the aide replies.
Just go ahead and pay it, responds the President.
Clinton is looking out of the window and he notices that someone has urinated the message, BILL SUCKS on a wall outside the White House.
Furious, he orders the FBI to take urine and handwriting samples from every member of the White House staff and find the culprit immediately. A week later, the FBI director calls. Mr. President, I have good news and bad news, he says. The good news is that the urine belongs to Bob Dole.
And the bad news? Clinton demands.
After a slight pause, the director replies, Sir, the handwriting belongs to your wife
Q: When did Clinton realize Paula Jones wasn't a Democrat?
A: When she didn't swallow everything he presented.
Q: Why is Clinton so interested in events in the Middle East?
A: He thinks the Gaza Strip is a topless bar.
Jan 28th
Q: Did you hear Clinton doesn't use bookmarks?
A: He just bends over the pages
Q: Why does Bill drink so much coffee?
A: He is required to stay up for many hours to satisfy the needs of his staff.
Q: How did Bill reply regarding questions of coaching Monica's testimony?
A: It wasn't words that I put in her mouth.
Q: What do Bill and Ross Perot have in common?
A: They both heard a giant sucking sound
Q: What's the headline on the Washington Post read?
A: Bush finally defeats Clinton.
President Clinton said to Monica, I didn't tell you to lie in the deposition . . .
I told you to lie in THAT POSITION
Bill Clinton's favorite pick-up line...
I'd love to meat you in the Oval Office.
Q: Why does Bill Clinton wear underwear?
A: To keep his ankles warm.
Q: Why did Monica always drink with a straw while she was an intern?
A: Practice
In a surprise interview, Monica was asked about the details of her late night meetings with the President...
I can't remember the details,she said,but I know the answer is on the tip of my tongue
Q: What does Hillary Clinton do right after she shaves her pussy?
A: She sends him to work.
Q: What is Clinton's favorite card game?
A: Poker
Q: What's Bill Clinton's favorite brand of potato chips?
A: Lays.
Q: Why did Clinton recommend Lewinsky for a job at revlon?
A: He knew she would be good at making things up.
Bill and Hillary are at a restaurant. The waiter tells them tonight's specials are chicken almondine and fresh fish.
The chicken sounds good; I'll have that, Hillary says.
The waiter nods. And, the vegetable? he asks.
Oh, he'll have the fish, Hillary replies.
Q: How does Bill keep Monica Lewinsky away from the White House?
A: He keeps offering to send Ted Kennedy over to give her a ride.
Q: What's the definition of an Arkansas Virgin?
A: A girl that can run faster than the Governor.
Did you hear that Clinton has decided to change his military rank from Commander in Chief to Semen First Class?
Q: What's the difference between Nixon and Lewinski?
A: One shredded the incriminating evidence, the other had not a shred of incriminating evidence
Q: How do you know Bill Clinton is done having sex?
A: When you have to wipe the White-Water off your blouse.....
Feb 2nd
After the State of the Union adress on Tuesday, President Clinton was asked about Rwanda.
I never slept with her, he replied.
Q: How did Ms. Lewinsky initially feel about her job in the White House?
A:She liked it going in.
Bill's favorite song is:
Yank My Doodle, It's a Dandy
Q: What would Congress have to do to avoid any more Presidential sex scandals along with solving the Iraqi problems?
A: Cut off the Presidential war head and drop it on Baghdad....
Q: What's the latest method Clinton's using to control his weight?
A: Lie-pole-suction
Q: Did you hear Hillary's writing a new book?
A: It's called 'It Takes A Village 2' (keep an eye on my husband)
Hey, it's different from the one above, slightly.
Q: What is Monica doing now that she can't see Willie?
A: Chewing Dickorette gum.
Hey did you hear that the president's plane got stuck in mud? The stewardess fell right off his lap.
Q: How is Bill Clinton like a computer?
A: He has good hard drive and ram but a problem with memory.
The IRS wants to audit Monica Lewinsky to see if she's claimed the money she saved by eating at Bill's.
Bill and Monica were made for each other. Monica has a crooked mouth.
Q: What’s the difference between Vince Foster, Ron Brown, and Monica Lewinsky?
A: Monica is the only one who took a shot in the head from Bill and lived to tell about it.
What does being an intern at the Whitehouse prepare one to do? A recent survey showed that 16% of former interns qualified as carpenters for making Bill's banana stand, 28% became kneepad salesmen, and 58% became head tasters at factorys making strong cheese.
The President is very excited about his new educational program for Americas children. He plans to teach sex education himself and believes he can solve the problem of enough meat in the school lunch program at the same time.
A couple of Bill Clinton buddies were talking about what a sweet smile Monica has.
Bill replied, Yes. She has the whitest teeth that I have ever come across.
What were some of the things listed on Monica's job description?
Worked in various positions under a high government official ... become familiar with White House (ceilings) ... get paid by the piece.
After her White House job , what could Monica add to her resume?
2 years on the Presidntial staff
Q: What did Bill Clinton say to Paula Jones?
A: I told you to lick my erection Not wreck my election
Q: What do the Green Bay Packers and Monica Lewinsky have in common?
A: They both blew the big one.
Q: Did you know that Monica isn't 100% Jewish?
A: She has a little bit of hillbilly in her.
What was Monica's official statement about the whole sex scandal?
It really left a bad taste in my mouth.
Q: What does Chelsea Clinton call the sexual allegations against her father?
A: POPPYCOCK
Q: Did You hear what happened to Monica Lewinski this morning?
A: She coughed up some new evidence.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
AP - Monica Lewinsky, in a statement released today, countered President Clinton's firm denial:
I have had enough. This whole experience has left a bitter taste in my mouth, and I can't stomach any more. I feel as if I am getting the shaft, that this ugly matter has come to a head and blown up in my face.
This may be a load to handle, but when things are hard, that is when I am at my best. I have faced hard things in the past, and I know what is coming. I will meet this challenge the only way I know how: head on.
I have licked bigger things than this before, and I will again. No one will ever be able to say that Monica Lewinsky isn't a finisher, that she quit before the job was done. I will work non-stop and fight this, blow by blow, until I am wiped clean of this dirty affair. I will not be stained by it.
Thank you.
Monica Lewinsky