my first story

[scooter_the_shooter]

now before i go i want you to tell me if this is the absouloute worst thing ever but first i am gonna let you pick when it is

here it goes
nopoleonic
hellenic
medieval
roman
other specify



and this will not be based on a campaing but if somthing happens good in one of my campaigns going on i will tr to add it in


wait first tell me if you even want to hear this

[Axeknight]

Quote[/b] (ceasar010 @ May 30 2004,15:47)]first tell me if you even want to hear this
Absolutely. The mead hall is quiet, there's always room for another story. I'm looking forward to reading it.

As for period, I personally would like to see a Napoleonic or Roman theme. But write in the period you know most about. An author needs to know what they're talking about http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

*EDIT*it's been four hours since you posted this, and you've got one reply. This is a busy day at the mead hall http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif . Don't worry if your story gets no comments for a few days after you post it, it's not that it's rubbish. The average number of members in the mead hall at any one time is 0 http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif , so don't expect a reply within five minutes http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif

[frogbeastegg]

Two replies within 5 hours, it's rush hour http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif

You should choose a setting you like and find interesting, one you can think of a story for. That way you are less likely to get stuck when writing, as you will already have ideas bubbling away in your head. If you let others choose you have to work to their tune, and that can make life a lot harder.

[Monk]

I've said this before and i'll say it again; If you post it in the mead hall rest assured, somebody will come along and read it. As of now the hall is very quiet, but i can't say its ever terribly busy. Those who visit this place, be they the readers or the scribes themselves, all enjoy a good story. Whatever this may be about, i'd like to hear it.

When it comes to when it's set, i can only give you this advice: write what you know. If you write about what you know you can include cultural information that will liven up the story, even if it has nothing to do with the tale. I have found that if you know about what you are trying to write then 1) it comes along a lot easier, and 2) you just might find it enjoyable.

Good day http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/ht_bow.gif

[scooter_the_shooter]

ok i will do it tomorrow i ahve to go some where soon http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-embarassed.gif

[scooter_the_shooter]

well i have time now here is the plot outline tell me if it is good


a spartan healot escapes from his master to athens
a spartan warrior who was owner of the slave
one day they meet on the batllefield
big twist at the end



the charactors

jason the healot
palmedese the spartan ( i cant spell it right sorry)

and other minor ones



sorry most of these names came from gates of fire
http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/confused.gif dont know any greek names that except for famous ones like achillies thesus herculese etc.




well here it goes









It was a hot day in Sparta as the healots worked in the fields they recieved whippings form their masters Palmedese said WORK YOU WORTHLESS MESSINIAN SLAVE VERMON OR DIE. Jason was a young boy only 11 Palmedese hit him with his whip. Jason picked up a sickel and stabbed his master in the leg. Palmedese took his xiphos and cut him on the forehead the scar was there for the remainder of Jason's life. Jasons father ran over chargin Palmedese with a rock. Alexandros another Spartan threw his spear at Jason's father it hit him in the stomach instead of falling he took it out and charged with more valour than most thought could come from a Healot. But Palmedese took his xiphos and SLit his throat. Then hit Jason with a stick knocking him unconcious. Later that night hey let the Agoge beat Jason to the brink of death.







10 years later Jason was strong stronger than most of the spartan men so he became a sparring partner with the warriors. When ever he could he would challenge Palmedese and always he would lose taday he did it againd when he challenged him palmedes responded you worthless slave havnt you had enough yet with a smirk. Jason said no not until i win or die. The Spartans laughed at him one yelled you couldnt kill him if he had a rock and you a spear. The laughing continued Palmedese didnt take the challenge. But a new warrior fresh from the agoge named dienkies did. They fought with wooden xiphos swords. first they circled eachother and then Dienkies charged Jason parried his jab and got behind him put his wooden sword to Dienkies throat. Then Jason started thinking of every thing the Spartans did to him and he sarted beating Dienkies and cursing him two spartans charged. Jason graabed ones xiphos and thrust it in to the other and then slit the remaining warrior's throat. Soon 25 more came and Jason had to run. And run he did eventually he ran into Alexandros the one who had killed his father. He threw the Xiphos into His foe's heart and took it and ran he was heading to athens to be free of his spartan slave dirvers.



Three months later Jason made it too Athens. He heard a war had come with Sparta with Palmedese as commander of the force marching on Athnes. Jason thought time for me to kill him once and for all. So he went and joined the miltary not the miltia the regulars. He soon befirended another man named Polynikes and they made sure every dirll they were together in the line. When Jason wasn't training with his fellow soldiers he trained by himself useing the sword. 3weeks later they marched on Palmedese.Later that night Polynikes and Jason were talking Polynikes askedwhy did you join the army Jason said Revenge on who asked Polynikes. Jason repliedthe one who gave me this then he pointed to the scar on his forehead. Next he said I will kill Palmedese.












if you want to hear more tell me it sucks please i want the honest truth any tips apreciated too yes the lat paragraph was doen in a BIG hurry

[frogbeastegg]

Ancient Greek names (http://www.behindthename.com/nmc/gre-anci.html), this should help out.

As a plot outline it works, just a few points though. Generally stomach wounds are instantly crippling, that is why the Roman army liked them so much. It is possible very rarely for someone to keep going for a bit after being hit in the stomahc, but that is usually whern they are in some kind of berserker like rage.

Technical question...would the Spartans spar with helots? Would their pride tolerate a helot being stronger than them? Could a Spartan back down from a challenge? (I doubt that one)

[Axeknight]

I don't think a Spartan would be able to back down from a challenge from anyone, Lady Frog. Spartan, healot, boyfriend (sorry, fellow warrior http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-anxious.gif), they all had to be fought...

[scooter_the_shooter]

couldnt think of nothin and yeah they had healots as sparring partners and as squires who would figbht by them some times