When Blood Falls

[nightcrawlerblue]

Here's the first part of my latest story, When Blood Falls.

WHEN BLOOD FALLS
By Nightcrawlerblue

It was a horrible night, rain was pouring outside Jalor’s house. Thunder cracked and lightning lit up the sky. Jalor was sitting on a chair near the window, looking outside into the rain. It was a heavy downpour and everything looked white beyond a few feet but he sat there, watching. As if he was waiting for something to happen.
“Jalor what’s wrong?” asked Pannen, Jalor’s wife. She thought that Jalor hadn’t been the same man she married for years. Ever since a few years after the last war he had been less active, staring at meaningless things for hours at a time. He never did anything he used to enjoy. She had tried to think that it was nothing serious and that soon he would go back to normal but it never happened no matter how long she waited.
“Nothing,” he replied, but Pannen knew that something had been wrong for a long time.
“What are you looking for? You haven’t been yourself lately Jalor.”
“I’m looking for honor. Do you realize it has been eleven years since the last war?”
“Yes. I’m glad. I don’t want to lose you Jalor.”
“I’m a warrior, Pannen. I cannot stand this horrible peace. The Karnavians have broken every rule of our treaty but the king is oblivious to it. While the king sleeps well in his castle his citizens are taken advantage of, robbed, and mocked by Karnavians. I’m a warrior I’m meant to fight not to stay here without honor until old age takes me. I have to find myself Pannen. I must find my place in the world.”
“If that is truly what you want I will not try to stop you. I understand your need,”
No more words were spoken that night and Jalor wasn’t sure what to do. He loved Pannen but he could not stay there. He was not happy with his existence the way it was. He had to find his purpose. The next day he packed what he needed, several knives, food, and clothes then set out on his journey.
“I will always love you Jalor. However I understand that you must go. Find yourself, Jalor,” Pannen said.
“Someday I will come back to you,” Jalor declared, and then he left.

[scooter_the_shooter]

good but not as good as lotr 3 rise lol http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/medievalcheers.gif

[nightcrawlerblue]

Finally a reply I was unexpectedly sick for the last week so I wasn't able to do any more of either story. I'll work on them soon though.

[nightcrawlerblue]

Sorry if there's a lot of grammar mistakes. It's pretty late over here but I managed to finish another part. A part to The 3rd Rise should come soon.

Jalor walked for several days through forest, resting and eating sparingly. He began to eat berries and hunted for meat instead of using the pre-cooked provisions he had brought. He began to mingle with the forest life and soon the animals began to take a liking to him. Jalor began to find it strange when the animals didn’t run away from him when he was hunting but stayed still as if they were offering themselves to him. He stayed in the forest for two months and became one with it. Then he decided to move on and continued through several plains and hills until he came to Yenneth forest. Several hours into his trek he heard humming. He slowly crept up on the delightful sound, its harmonious tune nearly hypnotizing him.
“Who goes there?” Jalor yelled.
“Hmm? Someone else in my woods, why it couldn’t be” replied the stranger.
“I am Jalor, friend of Cerrenians enemy to all Karnavians,”
“Jalor, eh? Well I’m not either of those just a simple man living in the woods. The name’s Hajjar So why are you here?”
Jalor got his first look at this ‘Hajjar”. He was a large, cumbersome man with a thick black beard.
“I am just traveling through these woods. My business is my own.”
“I didn’t mean to pry” Hajjar said as he slammed his axe into a piece of wood, splitting it.
“You got shelter? It looks like a mighty big rainstorm’s coming”
“Uh, no I have no shelter I just got here a few hours ago. I don’t even have a map of this area”
“No one has a map of Yenneth forest It’s a very mysterious place to most people. I’ve got this place mapped in my head though. I’ve spent fifteen years in this forest. This looks like a very bad rainstorm you better come with me. My house is about ten minutes from here by foot.”
Jalor and Hajjar began walking and Hajjar talked about himself on the way. By the time they got to our destination Jalor had discovered that Hajjar had been living there alone for fifteen years surviving off the land. Hajjar had a pretty impressive installation there with ways for food and water easily accessible.
“So what about you, what’s your story?”
“I’m on a mission to find myself. I’m a warrior from the wars but we’ve had such a long period of peace. I haven’t known what to do with myself since the last war. I was born to fight and this peace is killing me.”
“Ah. I know what you mean. I’ve had trouble finding myself before. That’s why I ended up coming here. I love the tranquility of it. Becoming one with nature is such a wonderful thing. Someday I’ll leave this place though. I’ve just never had a good opportunity for it before.”

[scooter_the_shooter]

good sorry for no replies i havent been visiting the mead hall as much latlely but i am back.

[Ludens]

Nightcrawlerblue, where is this story going to?
I mean: your LOTR story clearly was heading for a battle (in whatever way) with the Orcs, but this story is about a man who wants to fight an old enemy and goes wandering in the woods. Does this lead to something?

[nightcrawlerblue]

You'll see, be patient. I had a lot of ideas for before the core of the story starts but I figured it would become too boring to implement them. The next update will start the core of the story. Do you normally expect to get into the main story of a book after one page?

[Ludens]

Quote[/b] (nightcrawlerblue @ July 11 2004,15:36)]You'll see, be patient. I had a lot of ideas for before the core of the story starts but I figured it would become too boring to implement them. The next update will start the core of the story. Do you normally expect to get into the main story of a book after one page?
No, but I expect to be well into it after a week http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif . Perhaps you should post longer parts. But I guess it is hard to work on two stories at the same time.

[nightcrawlerblue]

I have a life outside these stories so actually it's hard just to do 1 story... http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/rolleyes.gif

[nightcrawlerblue]

*tosses story out of a window for fear of being attacked by Ludens*

“How about now? You could come with me I wasn’t planning on a partner but all of this traveling would certainly be better with a companion. I am not used to being alone for in war there is always someone else. You never fight alone in the Cerrenian army.”
“Why that sounds great. I’ve always been one to make decisions on the fly and I think that this one is excellent This is the opportunity I’ve been waiting for to leave this place. It has weathered many years of punishment and will be here when I want to come back. Anyway what are we waiting for? Let’s get packing”
‘This Hajjar is certainly energetic,’ thought Jalor, doubting his decision to ask Hajjar to come along, ‘At least I’ll have some company on those long walks’
The two companions continued on the journey, walking through the Plains of Zeckay.
“So you just up and left your home? You don’t seem to be that kind of person to me.” asked Hajjar.
“Yes. I left my wife there after preparing for two days. I do not usually make any kind of trip so suddenly but now was the time I had to do this.” I replied. Seconds later, I heard a subtle noise, “What was that?”
“What was what? I didn’t hear anything” replied Hajjar.
Jalor crept up to a nearby hill and peered over the top. What he saw was astonishing. A large army of over fifty thousand Karnavian soldiers making camp.
“This is incredible. Look at all the battle equipment They are definitely preparing for battle. We must warn the Cerrenian king”
Jalor immediately ran across the hill, making sure the soldiers did not see him and hoping Hajjar could keep up. Hajjar kept pace with him even though he was a much larger man than Jalor. Jalor and Hajjar crept up to the enemy stable and both mounted already prepared horses. They both told the horses to go and they broke out of the stable, crashing through the doors. They rode past the confused enemy lines and across the hill. After just a few minutes they were far out of sight and reach of the Karnavian army.
“We must ride continually until we reach a Cerrenian city. We must warn the king of this surprise attack before it Is too late”
We rode all day and all night until we finally reached the city of Helagoria, a large outer defense city. We rode directly past the gate and into the town hall.
“The Karnavian army approaches Their army numbers in the tens of thousands. I would estimate around sixty thousand men marching towards this city. We must gather the army of Cerrenia”
“Who are you that we can trust?” asked the mayor, a large and very muscular man.
“I am Jalor, son of Gurrtakk I was a soldier of the fourteenth infantry division in the last war”
“A lowly soldier, son of a lowly soldier? That will not help me trust you. However, because you are a former soldier I will send out a scout.”
“A scout? By the time he reports back they will be upon you. There is no time The army must be gathered now”
“I cannot believe the ramblings of an old, disgruntled soldier Guards Take him away”
“You’re going to destroy us all They are coming” Jalor yelled as the guards attempted to drag me away. He could have easily killed them but they were not the enemy.
“We must ride on to the next city. These people are doomed.” Jalor said with shame that he could not convince them. He was sad that these people could not be saved but I knew that the mayor would not budge.

Hope you liked it... And if you didn't like it then shut up and accept it because that's what I wrote
http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/tongue.gif

EDIT: fixed the tenses.

[scooter_the_shooter]

i like this one



btw nicer new avatar nightcrawler http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/bigthumb.gif

[Ludens]

Quote[/b] (nightcrawlerblue @ July 12 2004,21:45)]*tosses story out of a window for fear of being attacked by Ludens*
I inspire fear? Boy, the guys at the university are never going to believe this http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

It's good, but halfway in the story you switched from the he-(Jalor)-form to the I-form. It's a bit confusing.

[frogbeastegg]

Quote[/b] (nightcrawlerblue @ July 12 2004,20:45)]*tosses story out of a window for fear of being attacked by Ludens*

...

Hope you liked it... And if you didn't like it then shut up and accept it because that's what I wrote
http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/tongue.gif
Ok, so that isn't part of the story but I did like it http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/geishagrin.gif

[nightcrawlerblue]

What? I did? Crud...

I was originally going to write the story in 1st person (wrote the entire first section in first person then decided it would be easier to write it in 3rd so I had to rewrite it) and I keep changing tenses. Very aggravating as I've never been able to shake the habit of changing tenses in the middle of a story. I'll try to hurry and fix it.

EDIT: The problem should now be fixed. Thanks for notifying me as I completely missed it.

[Ludens]

Here is a tip to prevent things like this from happening: read the story aloud before submitting it.

If you have worked for a long time on the text, there will be a tendency to read what you think you wrote instead of what you actually wrote. There are several options to remedy this: have other people read it, print it (because reading from paper is more relaxed that reading from a monitor) or read it aloud.

[nightcrawlerblue]

I have decided not to post my stories in the forums anymore but in my story website, Wartime Stories (http://members.cox.net/ben_pt/wartime/index2.htm)

Go check it out. It will have a deadline for the stories, news, and of course the stories themselves. I'd love feedback on the site (IE, would you rather white background and black text or black background with white text).

[nightcrawlerblue]

Ok I got the next section of WBF done You can find it HERE (http://members.cox.net/ben_pt/wartime/When_Blood_Falls.htm)

You'll notice that I somehow got it off just on the deadline Well... I suppose it depends which time zone you're in but in central time I did get it right before the day ended https://forums.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/rolleyes.gif

[nightcrawlerblue]

Sadly, (well if you liked the story) I'm discontinuing WBF. I didn't find that it was going well and didn't want to waste my time on a bad story. I may pick it up and continue it later but in order to continue I'd need to fully rewrite the story from scratch.

I'm doing a few other stories in my spare time too (none of them very big because I focus on LOTR: TTR) so one of them may eventually be posted. In the meantime, enjoy "The Third Rise".