The Married Gamers

[Rosacrux]

Well, I am a happily married man. My wife is beautiful, intelligent and hard working, we get along together just fine, love eachother very much, spend as much time together as possible... oops, time...

...there is something rotten in the kingdom of Danemark. That time thingy has something to do with it. You see, working can be time-consuming as hell, and even keep you occupied through weekends, not to mention the occasional daily overtime.

And on top of it, I am playing computer games. My spouse, even though she's a graphic designer and one would expect her to look favourably at the 'puters, absolutely despises computer games.

She's got an open vendeta with all gaming companies, loathes my PC (her using a Mac doesn't help either http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif ) and finds it utterly irritating when I decide we had enough hugs&kisses and I'd rather sit in front of the PC for an hourly Victoria session, instead of watching some extremely stupid TV show with her - or just keep talking to her for the duration of the evening.

She's gone through phases concerning her relationship with this particular hobby of it. The only common point is her dislike of it. She can live with my obsession with reading books - she can read a book at the same time, or at least peak at a magazine and constantly annoy me with words like isn't this hat marvelous or wouldn't I look great in that swimming suit? http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-confused.gif

Other hobbies we share: we both like to watch a good film (even though sometimes the definition of good differs...), we both like to go swimming, we love to play tennis together, we enjoy a walk in the town center, or the beachside, we love spending an evening with friends, either in-house or in a bar or restaurant. I don't enjoy shopping, of course (she adores it) but that's a solo business for her anyway - I insisted on this early on.

The only thing we can't do together, is computer games. I tried to lure her to play too, but she adamantly rejected my proposals and kept nagging.

So, fellow married gamers, how is your life considering playing games and nagging spouses? http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

[King Edward]

Ha ha ha Great thread Although im not married i have Been with my girlfriend for over 3 years. Unfortunatly she spends a lot of time working and studying abroad leaving me to slave away here.

However when we are together my PC is forced to take a back seat. everytime i turn it on, even if she is doing somehting else she will come over and start to poke, prod and generally irritate me until i turn it off. When i finally do turn it off, she goes back to what she was doing before. She Calls this being Playfull.... i've not quite managed to come up with a name for it myself.....

Although in all seriousness due to the lack of time we get to spend together i would much rather spend time with her than play games on my PC, Even MTW

[rasoforos]

K , i m not married but i ve been living with my girlfriend under the same roof for 3 years now. I guess i qualify for an answer.
First of all i should say that we are sharing one PC.We both play computer games. It all started way back when i bought Baldur's Gate II. She thought it was interesting ( HINT: Women always get lured to RPG games because they involve 'looking around' and 'shopping' , try that ) and i offered to help her start. With my help she got hooked to the game soon. It all went smooth from there, especially because we both like RPG games.
Today she knows more about PC games than i do. She is a Morrowind moder and spends much of her free time in that hobby , which is something i was never smart enough to do.
Our problem is that basically sometimes we have to 'fight' to determine who will use the sole PC of the house ( ...ok of the room). So more or less my problem is a nice one. She fully understands what fun it is to spend 10 hours in a row playing games. http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/bigthumb.gif

My advice is to buy a game that she might like. Strategy games like MTW and Vicy will NEVER do it. You need to go RPG or console ( Zelda works). In addition , sicne she likes Macintrash computers you can introduce her to Mac compatible games.


PC: Is she Greek or you went 'foreign' as well? http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif

[Ser Clegane]

Thanks for sharing these experiences, Rosacrux.

You cannot imagine how much better I feel, now that I know that I am not alone in making these experiences.
http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/medievalcheers.gif

My wife also hates my computer and accuses me of loving it more than her (and she regularly gets the fits when I invest money to buy a new one didn't you buy one 2 1/2 years ago ??? http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-furious3.gif )

She herself unfortunately does not really enjoy computer games - we played HOMM3 in cooperative mode, she played some Tomb Raider and she feigned some interest in Thief (in that case it turned out that she just wanted to distract me as the guests for a surprise birthday party were gathering outside the house).


Quote[/b] ]
or at least peak at a magazine and constantly annoy me with words like isn't this hat marvelous or wouldn't I look great in that swimming suit?


Must be something in women's genes - I regularly get interrupted and have to pause gaming to look at magazines, clothes etc. (bad thing I have to go down some stairs to do this - OTOH this combines computer gaming with some sports, so it's probably a good thing http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-inquisitive.gif )

Another thing is that she has the habit of needing to be cuddled in moments when it's next to impossible (at least in my opinion) to pause a game.
Often this leads to me totally screwing up in crucial gaming moments (e.g., losing my hardcore Diablo2 character permanently because I adverted my eyes for a fraction of a second from the monitor to shout not now, only to notice that some boss monster wiped the floor with my Paladin) after which she of course rightfully claims that now I do have time for cuddling.

Of course we also have hobbies that we share - but especially during the week after work I really enjoy playing games to relax.

In summary it's a hard fight and my wife would probably praise the day on which I announce honey, games start to bore me, I think I quit computer gaming - but then, when my last computer broke down and I had to wait a couple of weeks for my new one my wife even allowed me to borrow her laptop and install some games to alleviate my withdrawal syndrom http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/handball.gif

[Navaros]

i'd love to be able to find a wife who likes PC games. what more could a man ask for in this life? http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

@original poster: you can probably wean your wife onto PC games if you do it right

chicks tend to like the really horrible POS games that most normal, sensible, intelligent gamers would never ever even consider to play, ie: The Sims

start her out with crapfest games that appeal to chicks due to their simplicity/stupidity (the games, not the chicks http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/bigthumb.gif ). generally speaking, buy all the games that you yourself absolutely HATE so much that you wouldn't even bother to read the Reviews for them - then give them to your wife. chances are she will love them.


then slowly progress up the quality/complexity ladder, until eventually she is even into the hardcore masterpieces like Mafia http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/cool.gif

[Omegamann]

Same here, same here http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/frown.gif
The girl I live with for the last 3 years sadly has the same feelings on my PC gaming.
Even from the beginning she had this notion, that because I decided to live with her I should then change all my previous hobbys and spend all my time constantly at her side.
We even had a big fight about it in the first year.
Although she can understand the POWER of a game (having tried Settlers and other buildup strategic games) she always hates it when I cant just quit a game I enjoy and watch soaps and bad german movies together with her.
I had her almost into roleplaying with Neverwinter nights, but just as with my preferebce to watch movies in the original english language, I also enjoy the original english versions of games and the barrier of speach keeps here from taking these up.

That said its always up and down, because no game can really keep my interrest for long, and I only play games that I consider supperiour. So there are long breaks were I dont spent much time playing. Still every time I get enthusiastic at playing a game for longer than 4 hours, its always me spending all the time at my games http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/rolleyes.gif

[Rufus]

I live with my fiancee and can empathize but I think the key is all things in moderation. I spend almost all my free time during the workweek with her; I might play one night out of the workweek, but that's usually it. And obviously I enjoy my time with her a lot, otherwise I wouldn't be marrying her Like any other couple we have lots of things we both enjoy and a few hobbies that we don't share - games are one. I don't have time to get involved in more than one game, so MTW is it for me right now. She often works or has stuff she has to do on the weekends, so if I play Saturday afternoon, plus maybe a few hours on Sunday evening, plus maybe a few hours on a weeknight (when one of her TV shows is on that I'm not interested in), that's enough for me, and it's not too much for her. I don't play golf, so I figure MTW is to me as golf is to many husbands.

One idea I got from a similar thread is to play in the morning before work. My work schedule is fairly flexible so that actually works well for me sometimes, and she's either still asleep or already at work.

She does enjoy helping me set up princesses in MTW with prospective husbands (when there are no available factions to marry them into).

I think the key is just to find a balance that works. In any relationship there are bound to be a few things that one person enjoys and the other doesn't, but neither should be expected to abandon their hobby as long as the time allocated for it is reasonable (and is dwarfed by the amount of time you actually do spend together).

Remember - It's only a game, Fokker (Let me know if you don't get that movie reference)

[TonkaToys]

GAH

12 years with same woman (not married), first baby here.

I say, I want to play games rather than watch more crappy telly.
She says, You can play games whenever you want.

She actually means, ...but you must put the PC in a room other than the living room for no particular reason; you must finish these pointless jobs around the house that I dream up in my spare time; you must put up with me not talking to you for the rest of the day or else inexplicably crying; and you must feel wracked with guilt that you have been working for 12 hours but would rather have a bit of leisure time on the PC than watch another soap opera.

She adds as an afterthought, Unless of course you want to play Tetris or watch me play Solitaire, and accept that I will blame you if I do not win.

http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-wall.gif

Yes this all happened today

[BDC]

Quote[/b] (TonkaToys @ July 09 2004,21:09)]She adds as an afterthought, Unless of course you want to play Tetris or watch me play Solitaire, and accept that I will blame you if I do not win.

http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-wall.gif

Yes this all happened today
When she goes away on holiday get one of those huge retro arcarde units and put it in the living room. Then you can play 2 player games all day

http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif

[Beirut]

Good topic.

My sweetie tolerates my gaming. Mostly. I always tell her, well, we can fool around for a few hours instead. or I can hit the bar.

No that's ok, you go ahead and play. http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif Works every time. Almost. And failure is pretty damn good too.

One good thing is that after watching me fly around in Il2-Sturmovik, the kids, 6 & 8, can tell the difference between a Spitfire and a Hurricane. http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/smokin.gif

I think of all the games she sees me play, she hates M:TW the most. It lasts for hours and keeps me up late on worknights.

Mind you, I watch the kids at least three nights a week while she's out playing baseball, kayaking, or doing aerobics. So she can't complain too much about my leisure activities.

[Lehesu]

Quote[/b] (rasoforos @ July 09 2004,08:13)] Today she knows more about PC games than i do. She is a Morrowind moder and spends much of her free time in that hobby , which is something i was never smart enough to do.

Has she released any mods? I play Morrowind and constantly trawl the internet for mods; it might be interesting to see one of her mods.

[NagatsukaShumi]

I am currently single but am well aware of the nagging aspect when it comes to computer games.

Lets just say I have a slight dislike to soap opera's, my ex-girlfriend loved them of coarse. Surprisingly enough it was perfectly acceptable for her to drag me all the way to her house to sit and watch several hours of the same ridiculous storylines and also be told to shush when I attempted to start a conversation, however for me to come home after a stressful college day or after an exam and just sit down and unwind by playing on a computer game for a while is absolutely unacceptable. I found it a rare chance to even start a game before she was wittering on at me to come off my cyber world and sit and look at her new clothes she just bought, GAME was also off limits as if it was some sleazy back alley porno shop which was feeding my dangerous drug addiction.

Somewhat luckily I find myself not been her boyfriend anymore and can actually open up a game or pop in a disc into my PS2 without having my ears ripped off, I can also live without the god awful soap operas http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/bigthumb.gif.

Computer games weren't the only cause of friction either, to wear my York City shirt on a match day was an offence punishable by several hours of forced grovelling, althhough I actually spent the day with her rather than dropping in at Bootham Crescent for 90 minutes of footy, no thanks for it though http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/rolleyes.gif.

Lets just say, most girls aren't going to give a damn whether your about the slaughter your 15 year nemesis with your elite army against his in a collosal battle, but I think its fair to say most guy aren't going to give a damn about shoe shopping and like either so its one of those differences you've just got to accept. Not without a fight though http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif.

[frogbeastegg]

It's not about crap games, it's about games that have some element that will catch a person's interest quickly. If someone likes violent movies they will probably like FPS, if they like a good story they will probably like RPGs, and so on. You have to match the game to the person you are trying to get interested in games. It also helps if you pick a game that is simple to pick up and play, one where you don't need to read instructions or spend a long time learning. Few people like losing and few people like sitting watching; you need to pick a game you can play together or one you can let them play without telling them what to do all the time.

Goldfish and I (not married or living together but we count, sort of) play the occasional game of Soul Calibur II or FZero GX; he isn't a gamer but he likes them because they are easy to pick up and play. I do let him win sometimes too.

Just for the record; playing the Sims is my idea of hell.

[Fragony]

Quote[/b] (Ser Clegane @ July 09 2004,08:25)]and she feigned some interest in Thief
Dump her that can't be love. This thread reminds me once again that we are not in charge.

[TonkaToys]

Quote[/b] (frogbeastegg @ July 10 2004,11:07)]It's not about crap games, it's about games that have some element that will catch a person's interest quickly. If someone likes violent movies they will probably like FPS, if they like a good story they will probably like RPGs, and so on. You have to match the game to the person you are trying to get interested in games. It also helps if you pick a game that is simple to pick up and play, one where you don't need to read instructions or spend a long time learning. Few people like losing and few people like sitting watching; you need to pick a game you can play together or one you can let them play without telling them what to do all the time.

Goldfish and I (not married or living together but we count, sort of) play the occasional game of Soul Calibur II or FZero GX; he isn't a gamer but he likes them because they are easy to pick up and play. I do let him win sometimes too.

Just for the record; playing the Sims is my idea of hell.
I was hoping we might get a female perspective on this... but having read your post I have to say that my experience is not the way you are telling it...

I don't ask her to sit and watch, she just doesn't want me to play.
If I play, she makes me feel guilty.
If I say I want to play she says that I can play at anytime, but then I get the cold shoulder.
No doubt, when she wakes up and finds me playing (as soon as I log off here) she will moan that I haven't done some chore or other.
She likes violent movies, she likes Disney movies, she like character driven movies... she doesn't like any of these game, I've tried. She likes Tetris and Solitaire.

Don't get me wrong, I love her very much and so have put up with this for 15 years and will continue to do so. http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-blush.gif


Quote[/b] ]When she goes away on holiday get one of those huge retro arcarde units and put it in the living room. Then you can play 2 player games all day
[very] good idea, BDC

[frogbeastegg]

It is a long standing joke around these parts that when it comes to many of those traditionally female things like shoe shopping, shopping in any form, soap operas, and anything that is linked to the colour pink, I am a frog, not a female.

I have never understood the point of saying you don't mind someone doing something when you very obviously do. I suppose it could be called 'diplomacy', but I'm a frog, so what do I know? Always seems better to me to be honest about these things, if only because you then don't have to fake an interest when your significant other decides to tell you all about whatever it is you hate. Easier for all in the long run, but maybe that is the frog talking...

Shoe shopping is the spawn of Satan. http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/ceasarno.gif

[Rosacrux]

Yo, folks I am back from my extraordinary weekend at the beautiful island of Spetses, and I am happy to see this topic has grown to an interesting point. Lets’ see…


King Edward

Quote[/b] ]However when we are together my PC is forced to take a back seat. everytime i turn it on, even if she is doing somehting else she will come over and start to poke, prod and generally irritate me until i turn it off. When i finally do turn it off, she goes back to what she was doing before. She Calls this being Playfull.... i've not quite managed to come up with a name for it myself.....

ROFL http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif They ALL do that, you know. It’s a female’s idea of playful

Rasoforos


Quote[/b] ]My advice is to buy a game that she might like. Strategy games like MTW and Vicy will NEVER do it. You need to go RPG or console ( Zelda works). In addition , sicne she likes Macintrash computers you can introduce her to Mac compatible games.

Oh, I did all that and even more. A girlfriend of her is quite addicted in action games (Playstation 2) and I even talked her into this…. In vain. She just can’t imagine how playing a computer (or console) game can be fun…


Quote[/b] ]PC: Is she Greek or you went 'foreign' as well?

Greek all the way, matey Nothing beats an all-Greek fight http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-argue.gif

Sir Clegane


Quote[/b] ] My wife also hates my computer and accuses me of loving it more than her (and she regularly gets the fits when I invest money to buy a new one didn't you buy one 2 1/2 years ago ??? )

Oh, I had this session two months ago, when I finally upgraded my PC (yes, 2 years and 5 months after my last upgrade)… a good thing is that at the time we had quite a decent financial situation, so the nagging was kept to a minimum.

BTW don’t you find it overly annoying, that “you love your computer more than you do love me, bu-huh” line? I always tell her it’s common and passé to say that, and that sometimes stops her http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif


Navaros


Quote[/b] ] chicks tend to like the really horrible POS games that most normal, sensible, intelligent gamers would never ever even consider to play, ie: The Sims

If only things were so simple… this would be a better world.

And the Sims, especially. A good friend of mine was Sim-obsessed for some time (I never managed to forgive him for that http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif ) and me and spouse have watched him play a bit. When I explained her what exactly this game is all about, she went on rampage, like “what the heck, Giannis must have some serious personality problems, for playing games like that... he is your friend, tell him to go an see a therapist or something... is his wife not paying attention to him?

Well, I couldn’t really argue about that, and I just said “it’s only a game, honey”

Tonkatoys

I am sure you’ll be written down the annals of the “Heroic Gamers” for your stance and patience… most probably we all will http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

Beirut


Quote[/b] ] My sweetie tolerates my gaming. Mostly. I always tell her, well, we can fool around for a few hours instead. or I can hit the bar.

http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif that surely doesn’t work here. She drags me away from the puter to do the freaknasty, and on occasion when I do threaten her “leave me alone, or I’ll hit the bar”, she goes and dresses up to come with me http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-confused.gif


frogbeastegg


Quote[/b] ]Shoe shopping is the spawn of Satan.

You're telling me http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-anxious.gif

[rasoforos]

Quote[/b] ]
Shoe shopping is the spawn of Satan. http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/ceasarno.gif



Amen Your guy is a lucky guy http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/bigthumb.gif




Quote[/b] ]
Quote
PC: Is she Greek or you went 'foreign' as well?


Greek all the way, matey Nothing beats an all-Greek fight


Indeed. It still seems strange to me that i m in a relationship and i m NOT fighting at least once a week for something unbelievably trivial...Nowadays when i see a greek girls i run away screaming http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif

[Pellinor]

Can I advise people not to try to get their wives interested in games?

I did: I got a copy of Baldur's Gate for her for Christmas, thinking that I could play it when she found she didn't like it. It was three months before I got to use the PC again - then she discovered Icewind Dale and Planescape Torment.

At last we moved house and we had space for two PCs, so I could at least play when she was BG2ing. Then a friend invited us round for a LAN party - Unreal Tournament and Age of Empires. She didn't want to go, as those games sounded completely uninteresting, but thought she could at least talk to other friends while I was playing.

Now we play a lot of 2-player UT, which for me consists of continual respawning to the sound of Head shot Head shot Killing spree from her room.

DON'T LET HER PLAY SHE MAY BE BETTER THAN YOU ARE

[The Tuffen]

I'd have to count myself lucky, my fiance finish's work a couple hours later than me (+ i only work 3 days a week) so i get to play my computer when she is at work. Even when she comes back she doesn't mind me playing on my computer if she go's on the internet or does some house work.

[Rosacrux]

Quote[/b] (rasoforos @ July 12 2004,03:20)]Indeed. It still seems strange to me that i m in a relationship and i m NOT fighting at least once a week for something unbelievably trivial...Nowadays when i see a greek girls i run away screaming http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif
Ah, but you are missing the fun staff as well The temperament, the tenderness, the jealusy, the bedtime nagging, the scenes in public, the great sex http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

In all seriousness, Greek girls are the best overall They got lots of qualities... too bad most of them are negative http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif
Constant everyday nagging and fighting over trivial (or downright stupid) issues in every occassion, builds character http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/eek.gif they make a man out of you http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-wall.gif

[Navaros]

Quote[/b] (Rosacrux @ July 12 2004,02:27)]If only things were so simple… this would be a better world.

And the Sims, especially. A good friend of mine was Sim-obsessed for some time (I never managed to forgive him for that http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif ) and me and spouse have watched him play a bit. When I explained her what exactly this game is all about, she went on rampage, like “what the heck, Giannis must have some serious personality problems, for playing games like that... he is your friend, tell him to go an see a therapist or something... is his wife not paying attention to him?

Well, I couldn’t really argue about that, and I just said “it’s only a game, honey”
Ah Eureka


NOW i see where you have went wrong in getting your wife to share your gaming passion


you my friend, have squandered a golden opportunity

when your wife saw your friend playing the Sims and asked if he needed a therapist, you should have milked that statement for all it's worth

you should have said:


Quote[/b] ]Yes honey, he surely DOES need a therapist only crazies play horribly crappy, garbage games like what he is playing Come home with me now, and I will show you what real men play

...then, you would have had the cat in the bag. you could have turned her to your needs on that night.

next time, when you get a golden opportunity like that, use it http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/bigthumb.gif

[Crazed Rabbit]

My, this is a funny thread (no offense meant to you fine people, of course).
Some of it reminds me of this one Dilbert comic strip. Since I can't find a copy of it anywhere, I will try to reproduce it's funnyness:

Square One:
Dilbert is using his computer, and his girlfriend asks him if he loves the computer more than her

Square Two:
Dilbert says No, of course I don't love this computer more than you.

Square Three:
Dilbert's girlfriend says What do you mean, 'this computer'?? While she says this, Dilbert is fervently thinking 'PLEASE don't ask about the laptop'

So, I guess I haven't really helped anything, but I think it was funny. Good luck

Crazed Rabbit