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TheSilverKnight
08-25-2004, 03:53
Ok, this is a short story I wrote after I played a Single Mission in American Conquest: Fight Back called 'The French Assault', it was France and Incas VS England.


Governor General Charles Howe shifted in his saddle as the heavy South American sun shone down upon his men.
"The time, Colonel Williams?" he asked.
"Quarter past 9 in the morning, sir," Williams replied.
"Give the order to form crescent line then," Howe ordered.
Williams barked out the order, as 12 English Infantry battallions of 200+ men made a crescent formation around the camp.

It was deathly silent, and at quarter to 10 A.M., a whooping was heard, as were war drums. An officer shouted out.
"THE INCAS! MAKE READY!" the call went out and English battallions began loading their brown bess muskets.
The stampede of men shook the ground, as warriors of all sorts came out of the mist; Archers, Warriors with Blowpipes, Pikemen, Javelineers, and even Musketeers (muskets supplied by the French).
A cannon blast was heard, as the ball ricocheted into the Inca masses.
"Pre-sent!!" an officer began and the English put out their muskets, "FIRE!!" the call went out all through the lines as the Incas swarmed around them.
Dozens of musket shots rang out through the mist, hitting every Inca in sight.

Their whooping and shrilling nearly scared the English horses as they rode forward, in lines of 3, firing at the Inca Archers with no effect.

Lieutenant-Colonel James Stuart of the Orkney Dragoons looked through his spyglass from behind the battlefield.
"They're gaining the upper ground. If only we knew when Admiral Thomas and his few ships would arrive, we'd be able to...oh lord..." he suddenly stopped.
His aide looked to him.
"Sir?" he inquired.
"I've spotted the French. They're advancing through the forests to the west of us, they're heading for our right flank," Stuart announced.
"Then we must tell General Howe!" his aide blurted out, as he rode off.

"Concentrate artillery into the center, we're going to break them!" Howe yelled, as Stuart's aide rode up to him.
"Gener...General Howe..." he began, panting, "Colonel Stuart..he's spotted the French, advancing through the woods!"
Howe cocked his eyebrow, and looked at the aide.
"Thank you very much," he said, as he looked to his aide, "Concentrate artillery into the woods. We're going to break the French!"

In the ranks, the Inca onslaught was merciless, as Archers, Pikemen, and Javelineers preyed on the redcoats, taking scalps as well as guns.
Muskets blazed and cannons roared as the Incas slowly pushed back the British lines, when all hell broke loose on the right flank.

A blaze of musketry opened up and knocked down several redcoats, as the officers yelled to hold together the lines.
"What is that?! WHO'S FIRING?!" an officer yelled.
The Union Colours flag holder yelled to the officer.
"It's the French, sir!" he yelled.
The English Dragoons rode up from behind the redcoats and took aim into the forest at the French Dragoons and Cavalry. A cannon roar from the English lines crashed into the forest, blowing debris everywhere, wood pieces flying and killing as every second passed.
The redcoats opened up a crashing volley, hitting the French mounted officer and knocking him off his horse and bullets tearing the French colour bearer open at the chest.
"FIX BAYONETS!" the officers yelled, as nearly 1000 redcoats attached bayonets to their brown bess muskets.
"CHARGE!!" the officers on the right flank yelled, as all of the redcoats and all 350 cavalry charged into the French causing a massive panic and rout.

"Sir! The Inca are routing!" Howe's aide reported, as Howe looked through his spyglass to see the English forward lines charging, bayonets forward, as well as Stuart's cavalry right behind them picking off the enemy from behind. Slowly, the cannons ceased firing, and the smoke cleared, leaving behind the bodies of 5000 Incas, Englishmen, and Frenchmen.

"Just in time for Admiral Thomas," Howe replied, as he spotted the French rear position artillery being destroyed.

"I believe the King in London will be pleased to hear of this momentous victory...too bad he can't understand English.." Howe smirked to himself, as his aide chuckled, and the men broke out in a massive "Huzzah!".

Note: Unit numbers are greatly exaggerated. There was a massive Inca and French force against a relatively small force of English soldiers.

Post Note: Reviews and comments are welcome, as are tips for improvement.

zelda12
08-25-2004, 05:57
As I said with Capo on his civil war story, it's all speaking an no description. You will get the same from Ludens.

However it is in basis very good. Fleshed out a bit, and without brackets, it would be an exellent piece of writing instead of the good one that it is.

Ludens
08-25-2004, 11:49
I agree with Zelda: it is pretty good, but it needs to be fleshed out a bit. The fast pace of the story is probably intended to make clear the frantic pace of the battle, but you can add some more detail without losing that.

You could also work a bit on the confusion of the battle. "Who's firing?" is good, I'd like to see that more often. In historical battles the generals were quite often at a loss to understand what's going on, let alone the soldiers!

But is very good. One question though: why is the story called Georgetown?

TheSilverKnight
08-25-2004, 13:21
I agree with Zelda: it is pretty good, but it needs to be fleshed out a bit. The fast pace of the story is probably intended to make clear the frantic pace of the battle, but you can add some more detail without losing that.

You could also work a bit on the confusion of the battle. "Who's firing?" is good, I'd like to see that more often. In historical battles the generals were quite often at a loss to understand what's going on, let alone the soldiers!

But is very good. One question though: why is the story called Georgetown?

Thanks for the tips, guys ~:lightbulb: I appreciate it. I'll work on it.
Why is it called Georgetown, you ask? Well it's set around the Capitol of British Guyana, Georgetown, in 1716. ~D ~:p :tomato:

Ludens
08-25-2004, 19:08
Why is it called Georgetown, you ask? Well it's set around the Capitol of British Guyana, Georgetown, in 1716. ~D ~:p :tomato:
Forgive me for my ignorance of geography. They cancelled a quarter of the lessons due to lack of time (though I swear there was enough time; my teacher insisted on wasting it). I assumed Georgetown was Northern America.

TheSilverKnight
08-25-2004, 22:12
Forgive me for my ignorance of geography. They cancelled a quarter of the lessons due to lack of time (though I swear there was enough time; my teacher insisted on wasting it). I assumed Georgetown was Northern America.
Nope
South America