Why I will defeat Shadowkill In Tenki Tourney

[ElmarkOFear]

Once I dominate poor ole Shadowkill aka. Shadelord with my superior ugliness, his men will run away screaming like naked geisha at a samurai saki party!! http://www.totalwar.org/ubb/smile.gif

Here is the ultimate army I will use in destroying him utterly:

11 high honor ashigaru (I will make sure they do not bathe until AFTER the tourney is over. The stench alone will make Shadeykins men swoon from the fumes).

1 cavalry archer (I will wear his men out chasing my naked Giesha cavalry archer nick-named Lady Godiva).

1 monk unit (I will need all the help from above I can get to win this match and besides Shadowkill will find out exactly what monks wear under those robes!! Hint: It will be a full moon come time for the battle!!)

1 musket unit (So everybody will say I had enough balls to win the tourney!! Musket balls that is!!) LOL

1 Heavy cavalry unit (In a salute to our long gone but soon to return Fearful Ways member FearOrBeSori, I will use a mad cow instead of a horse, with the added benefit that Shadow's men will have to watch carefully where they step when attacking me).

1 archer general (He will of course be of very low honor so that my men will not give a second thought to running away from the battle at hand while shouting the army motto . ."Why fight today when you can runaway!").

Shadowkill . . . It is not too late to send the bribe money . . I will even tell you how great you played when I let you defeat me!! LOL

Cyas on the battlefield, ElmarkOFear (soon to get that nifty champion icon next to my name) of Fearful Ways http://www.totalwar.org/ubb/smile.gif

[Zen Blade]

I didn't even read the post.... just the title

LOL

-Zen Blade

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Zen Blade Asai
Red Devil
Last of the RSG
Clan Tenki Council-Unity

[theforce]

This post will make you feel worst if you loose :P

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Don't use only honour, use theforce, too.
http://darksideclan.fateback.com
Enter the Darkside...

[Obake]

Ahhhh Force, that is where you are wrong! Elmark is the most brilliantly deviate mind in the community. He has already set himself up for failure by his troop selection (or is that Shadowkill he set up?). Not only that, he's going to make money off of it as well!

Either way Elmark will win. If he beats Shadow, it is because of the smell of his troops (certainly ain't skill). If he loses, he will no doubt be significantly richer than he was. In all likelihood he'll have been paid more than Tenki did for the Tanto and he'll be singing like a bird about how good Shadow is!

Regardless, pray to all of the Gods that are out there that you will never have to face Elmark alone in combat. There is no more horrific site in the entire universe (mumbles to self... warthog faced, vomit spewing, flea-bitten bags of putrescent flatulence)!

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Obake

I warned you, but did you listen? Ohh, no...it's just a harmless little bunny, isn't it?

[ElmarkOFear]

Shhhhhh Obake, don't give away my secrets!!!! My new Nike contract is up in a month and I need a high profile, very swift loss, so that I may ask for more money. http://www.totalwar.org/ubb/smile.gif Actually, I like to lose!! It saves me a lot of money in 1-900-SPANKME calls!!! LOL

[TenkiSenjutsu]

elmo scratch the musket and us the arq, they are less koku and twice as smelly and ugly you can't lose there!

Also if you have the space on your harddrive use my prototype program called:

SesameFuzzyElmoFighter v1.5

I designed it myself, it can transform monks into monkey's making them hairy and ugly also a plus!

Senj

[ElmarkOFear]

Thanks Senju!! I can't wait to try it out!! http://www.totalwar.org/ubb/smile.gif

Yeah Yeah Yeah elm... http://www.totalwar.org/ubb/biggrin.gif

Why I will defeat Cape at the tenki tourney?
because i'm evil (:evil) muhahahaahah!

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Honour to Clan No Fear.

Visit my resource centre at: http://terazawa.totalwar.org

[ShadowKill]

Nice post elmo but lil do you know that the time has come to implament my secrect wepon that i have mentioned once before

refer to http://www.totalwar.org/ubb/Forum7/HTML/000084.html


http://www.totalwar.org/ubb/biggrin.gif till the day we face each other on the field let it be known that it will be i who will walk from the battle http://www.totalwar.org/ubb/smile.gif

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Clan Shades
come by and give us a visit (http://www.geocities.com/shadesofshogun/index.html)
ShadeLord Shiba a member of clan shades

[theforce]

Hmmm. It's only a game! if l m not playing. It gets very persoanl though when l loose http://www.totalwar.org/ubb/smile.gif
May da force be with you both!!!
may thee with the stronger force win :P

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Don't use only honour, use theforce, too.
http://darksideclan.fateback.com
Enter the Darkside...

[Vanya]

I would recomment you replace your archer general for a low honor yari cav unit instead. This way, you can:

1. Make it off the battlefield first when you decide to flee to fight another day. This provides your fleeing masses with leadership during their graceless exit.

2. You can mesmerize the enemy lines by chasing Lady Godiva around the field wielding your yari high and proud...

http://www.totalwar.org/ubb/smile.gif

[ElmarkOFear]

Good idea Vanya . . . My Yari Cav is polishing his spear as we speak!! LOL Now I must check out Shadow's secret weapon!!! brb http://www.totalwar.org/ubb/smile.gif

[ElmarkOFear]

aaaaargh not the cow launcher!!!!! But little does ShadeLord know, I used to be referred to as the "madcow" in the Sid Meier's Gettysburg! lobby . . BWAHAHAHAHA I love to have nice plump bovines flung head over heels in my direction . . . I will have the advantage in the end and will MILK this opportunity for as long as possible!! LOL

[Vanya]

Since your gen will be in a YC... you can 'stick' the cow on your yari as it falls towards you (picture D'Artagnan catching the tomato with his sword in 'Man in the Iron Mask'). This feat of sheer skill and strength will envigorate your troops with fervor while demoralizing the enemy with awe.

Just make sure you practice so that the cow does not slide all the way down the pole and strike you in the face -- that would be counterproductive.

And if ye barbecue the cow afterwards, they will flee for the sake of joining you. So, if/when YOU flee, hoist the cow up high so they will follow suit...

http://www.totalwar.org/ubb/smile.gif


[This message has been edited by Vanya (edited 05-14-2001).]

[This message has been edited by Vanya (edited 05-14-2001).]

[EuroSan]

Vanya/Slice you make me crack in to http://www.totalwar.org/ubb/biggrin.gif http://www.totalwar.org/ubb/biggrin.gif http://www.totalwar.org/ubb/biggrin.gif http://www.totalwar.org/ubb/biggrin.gif http://www.totalwar.org/ubb/biggrin.gif http://www.totalwar.org/ubb/biggrin.gif http://www.totalwar.org/ubb/biggrin.gif http://www.totalwar.org/ubb/biggrin.gif http://www.totalwar.org/ubb/biggrin.gif http://www.totalwar.org/ubb/biggrin.gif http://www.totalwar.org/ubb/biggrin.gif http://www.totalwar.org/ubb/biggrin.gif http://www.totalwar.org/ubb/biggrin.gif http://www.totalwar.org/ubb/biggrin.gif http://www.totalwar.org/ubb/biggrin.gif
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May the honour be with you all..........EuroSan the reborned spirit of LinkSan

[This message has been edited by EuroSan (edited 05-14-2001).]

[ElmarkOFear]

Sounds like Vanya is the inventor of the delicacy called Shish Kabobs!! http://www.totalwar.org/ubb/smile.gif I was a litel dissappointed in my showing in the tourney . . I won all three matches http://www.totalwar.org/ubb/frown.gif my poor men have lost their Nike contract . . . Lady Godiva has run away with Shadowkill's monks and is going to be a nun . . my warriors' wives have made them take baths in perfumed water . . . and my general has just been selected as the next contestant on the newest episode of SURVIVOR. He leaves this week . . . WHAT AM I GONNA DO NOW? I must come up with a new strategy to win . . . CAN ANYONE HELP ME? PLEEEEEEEEEAAAAAZZZZEEEE!! http://www.totalwar.org/ubb/smile.gif

[Vanya]

Dress up like Buddha himself, and deliver your message of nonviolence to the samurai. But make the flab suit is detachable so that you can jetison it so as not to burden yourself during running and thus regain your Nike contract should the enemy see through your veil of deceit...

I'd recommend chanting some kind of '60ish tune (1460s that is) like

"...these yari are made for poking,
"And poking is what they'll do.
"And one of these days these yari"
"Are gonna poke holes all over you!"

While the enemy dances to your enlightened tune, your rabble can pig-stick them with their yaris!

Hope this helps.

[ElmarkOFear]

Very good suggestion, I am currently in the market for a samurai bard, but they seem to be few and far between, but if you get enough saki in one of them they will sing like a bird. . . well more like a pteradactyl actually, which may be a good thing . . could possibly scare enemy away. http://www.totalwar.org/ubb/smile.gif I have the only pacifist samurai in shogun. They are non-violent, granola eating, vegetarian, conservationists, who pride themselves on their total lack of fighting ability. Hopefully my opponents will not supply their warriors with ear plugs before our battles.

[This message has been edited by ElmarkOFear (edited 05-16-2001).]

[Vanya]

As old man Kellogg said: "I reckon I will live forever, for my bowels are immaculate!"

I see that your samurai stick to a strick vegetarian diet as suggested by this noted doctor from the BattleCreek Sanitorium. Thus, perhaps they too will prevail through their immortality over your enemies.

[You to enemy taisho]: "Nurse: take this man to the yogurt room and give him 15 pounds of yogurt!"
[Enemy taisho]: "But Sir! I cannot eat 15 pounds of yogurt!"
[You to enemy taisho]: "Oh, lad! Its not going in that end!"
[Enemy taisho gasps]

They will flee for their worthless lives like whipped dogs! Or stand there and take it. Either way, you come out ahead...

http://www.totalwar.org/ubb/smile.gif http://www.totalwar.org/ubb/smile.gif http://www.totalwar.org/ubb/smile.gif

[ElmarkOFear]

LOL Vanya . . sounds like an old monty python routine . . are you a monty python fan? http://www.totalwar.org/ubb/smile.gif The strict vegetarian diet was not really their idea . . it seems they all lost a lot of teeth in bar fights and cannot chew properly. They now must "drink" their food, and chunks of meat do not blend very well with the chunks getting stuck in the straw, causing much embarrassment to my samurai due to the funny faces they assume while trying to, how should i say . . . "suck it up"! LOL A vegetarian diet is just the thing for blending into a slurp-able protein shake. I have just put in my order for a very large amount of Yogurt . . this "lactos" build up, is just the thing to deter the enemy from attacking me.

[Vanya]

Ahh... the road to wellville is plagued by outbursts of protein...

Given your dilemma, I'd say your men should dress up like ghouls and go trick-or-treating on the battlefield. Perhaps they will scare the enemy away. But beware the taisho that bears toffee in his bag, for he has not your best interest in mind...

(BTW, do you realize where the quotes came from? It was not Monty Python... It features an old chap named Anthony Hopkins and a lad with the name Mathew Broderick... Heck, I practically GAVE you the title! http://www.totalwar.org/ubb/smile.gif )

[ElmarkOFear]

You have stumped me Vanya . . I know I should know this one . . but I am old man and forget . . which movie is this from . . is it Ferris Bueller's Day Off? Biloxi Blues? YOU MUST TELL ME OR I WILL NEVER SLEEP AGAIN!!!! LOL

[Vanya]

"The Road to Wellville"

http://www.totalwar.org/ubb/smile.gif

[ElmarkOFear]

ah!!! No wonder . . that is one I have not seen. Is it out on video? My wife and I have two young children, we do not go out to the movies much, except for kids movies. LOL

[Vanya]

Its probably available, seeing as it was released in mid/late 90s...

[ElmarkOFear]

I must hunt it down . . . thnx http://www.totalwar.org/ubb/smile.gif

[Vanya]

Stars Anthony Hopkins, Matthew Broderick, Bridget Fonda, John Cusack, Dana Carvey, etc.


Enjoy!