The story of Skull Bridge

[The Stranger]

The year 280

After a time of war, looting and slaughter, peace was finally declared. For more than 50 our people, have been in war with the People of Rome and their greed expansion drift. I the great King of all Gallic Tribes, have fought my whole live trying to beat those Romans. But all this blood-shed is not worth it. So i had to cast my pride aside and ask for peace. That you my children, can now live in peace and harmony with nature.

-The last words of the King-

The year 270

Exactly 10 years after my father died, our relation with the romans, is heated again. In order to deny a two-front, I have to give up Venetia and Mediolanium. This hurts me more then any of you, my beloved generals and sons, but this i my duty and only option. You all don't know the terror of a real war, because my father and I made sure that our people could live in peace and wealth.

After the abandon of those cities the gallic tribes had only 6 years to live in peace. In the winter of 264, war broke out with the People of Britanny.
But a ceacefire was quickly arranged and peace was back again. Atleast that was the people thought. In summer of 258 war broke out with the Roman People.

Vircussius the Son of Thoretix was made First Commander of the eastern front. He rushed to the bridge that linked Cisalpine Gaul with Transalpine Gaul, and set up a chokepoint. His father send him with the best gallic warriors availeble at the time. 3697 fierce warriors were willing to give their live for Vircussius.

After the mobilisation of the Roman Armies they finally met at the bridge.
the Romans, that had according to our spy reports, 2914 men. They charged over the bridge and met the best warband in the whole army, all these men came from Alesia and where the Elite. After holding of the Roman army for a long time the Warband routed and lured the enemy in Vircussius trap. These men scattered on the battlefield were pursiuted by impetous romans, not weary of the taunting barbarians. Vircussius ordered his infantry, wardogs and cavalry into a routhless charge surrounding the enemy and forcing them to flee an drown in the river. The battle was over, some dogs pursuited the last romans of the field, while Vircussius men were celebrating their Heroic Victory.

At the end of this battle, 310 brave Gallic soldiers layed dead on the battlefield, but that was only a tiny spot compared to the 2471 dead Roman bodies that layed around and in the river. Vircussius told his men that nobody will never forget their Heroic stand at Skull Bridge.

more comming soon

[The Stranger]

The year 254

2 years after the Heroic stand of Vircussius troops at Skull Bridge, another Roman army threatened Gallic borders. Vircussius forces weary of the comming danger. They were alert everywhere they went. Until they met the Roman soldiers at Skull Bridge. From the 3697 men that accompanied Vircussius in his mission to protect the borders, still 3233 were left.
the Romans brought a army that contained 2920 men. The were the pride of Rome.

'This battle is inevetable. But we will win this battle, and walk to victory on a road paved with Roman skulls,' Vircussius said to his soldiers.

Again the Roman hastatii, pricipes and triarii ran towards the bridge, strorming to a unpleasant death at the point of Gallic steal. As Vircussius forces were lined up in the half square formation, the roman soldiers had to split up. The Gallic soldiers charged the Romans under the suportive chant of the druids. Vircussius orders his noble cavalry to make a headlong charge into the fight. This overwhelming force made some Romans run and crying for their Matrona. But suddenly Virsuccius stands right in front of the Roman Heir, a fight erupts fed by hate for each others nation and love for their own. But the brave Remulus (can't remember his name) couldn't beat the 21 year old war veteran Vircussius, and was slain. Even before his corpse git the ground his army turn and run. Virsuccius released the dogs to pursuit the remaining routing romans.

'I told you, my friends and soldiers, that our road to victory would be paved with Roman skulls. Now here, is your prize, the Roman faction heir dead and slain. I think his family will pay us lots of gold for his body. With that money i can buy you wine, wimen, and might,' Vircussius said after the battle.
in this battle we lost 259 brave brothers, we'll never forget them and give them proper funerals. Now come men, and help me dump these 2260 Roman bodies in the river.

[Kaldhore]

Great Story.

I defended that bridge v the julii for 15 years (30 turns) killing up to 30000 (only large units) Romans. I was of course the migrated Selucids.

[The Stranger]

my story covers 50 years of fighting on the bridge

[The Stranger]

it's over here

[Monk]

When i read through this it read more like a conversation than a story. In that i mean it feels like someone is speaking the story to the reader but leaving out details. One reason is in the first post you change perspective from a first person narrative to a more omnipresent view of history. This isn't exactly a bad thing though, but it can trick up a reader who is expecting a certain style but is met with another. Secondly, there are a number of spots where you switch from past to present tense in the way the story is told. it can be best to pick one and stay with it as it helps the story flow easily from one sentence to another. I also found that some sentences were short and two could have been made one with the use of a , or a ;. I myself like to use long sentences, so that may be just a personal gripe ~;)

The two battles are described very vaguely. I think this story would have been much better if you had described them a more. What the two armies were made of, how the men felt, what type of weather was it like and so on; what i mean is in the first battle you never say what the roman army is made of and therefore the reader has to make their own image.

I also believe that perhaps you could have described the time between battles more, while not needed it does add atmosphere and background to the story.

All in all; for one's first story posted it's not at all bad. To be honest it reminds me of my first that i ever posted on the .org. imho i think you should keep writing, it's a skill that comes with work and lots of practice. I hope you find what i said to be useful and write more for the hall ~D

of course: if you're just someone who wanted to do a quick write up of this then you can ignore my words. they are just tips for you incase you ever want to improve on the way you write. ~:cheers: :book:

[The Stranger]

thanx for the tip

[Quietus]

Bloody battles and a bloody story indeed!

One thing I don't see though are the edits. You have to go back and check for spellings, change some words etc. :charge:

Other than that keep writing. ~:)

[The Stranger]

thanx