Twins of Triumph [Archive]

Monk

05-07-2005, 17:45

well it doesn't matter now. The other topic is closed. there's no need for two. ~:) but no harm done

Berserker!, it seems to me that you've already got the main plot figured out, i'd just expand upon it. You get much more satisfaction when the ideas you put forth on paper are your own. (i do atleast) :book:

~:cheers:

Copperhaired Berserker!

05-08-2005, 19:01

ok Monk

Copperhaired Berserker!

05-08-2005, 21:53

Ok this is my first part of my prequel to The Collosal empire, I hope you like it.

Part 1: The twins

When Brutus died, he had a fine funeral and a peaceful afterlife, he also joined his father up in Roman heaven. Now his two twins, Tiberus and Manius II (My first story's hero's name) were sharing the throne, how they never murdered each other for complete control of the throne, don't ask me why. They were young and handsome; smart and brave; great organizers; were at their pysical peak and they were twenty years of age. They were kind and caring (Except for their enemies, the Parthians.) and was also great friends with almost every single soldier they were leading. Each of them had a wife and two kids, all of the kids were boys. Their names were these, on the side of Tiberus's family: Augustus and Caesar and on the side of Manius's family: Octavin and Nero.Tiberus's wife was called Adora, Manius II's wife was called Aimee. The twins were living in Aintocus, A Roman bulit city up in Media. Life was brilliant there but too many times had Aintocus been sieged by the Parthians that the stupid old idiots who weared terrible pink robes and showed off with their huge amount of money, in other words SPQR, decided to go to war with the Parthians, telling every other Roman to do so as well.

Ok, that's the first part done, please can someone rate this part?

Copperhaired Berserker!

05-08-2005, 21:56

Life was brilliant there but too many times had Aintocus been sieged by the Parthians the stupid old idiots who weared terrible pink robes and showed offf with their huge amount of money, in other words SPQR, ?

oops, should have been "by the Parthians THAT the........... and also spotted a off with three fs

Monk

05-09-2005, 16:55

oops, should have been "by the Parthians THAT the........... and also spotted a off with three fs

you're a member now, you should be able to edit posts. look near the quote button

Ease up on your () usage. it takes the reader out of the story in many ways. you lose atmosphere when you have to explain something in that way. Try to work in what you want to say without rambling on or making it seem disjointed in the flow of the story. that would be better imho and help put the reader in the story.

Remember, writing is a skill that comes with time. take a deep breath and look at your posts, then ask yourself out loud how you can improve on it.

Copperhaired Berserker!

05-09-2005, 17:24

Would I normally get a member status from this?

Monk

05-09-2005, 17:34

Would I normally get a member status from this?

Everybody becomes a Member eventually. The Junior member phase is like a trial period for us to see if you can interact well with others. If so then you get promoted to full Member status and are allowed into the backroom. A non-tw discussion forum for anything political. You also get to edit your posts.

Copperhaired Berserker!

05-09-2005, 21:07

another part

Part 2: Leaving

The twins were sorrowful as they went away from their wonderful palace and their wife and kids. One son from each side of the families came with the twins and they were Caesar and Nero.

"I'll miss you, sweet heart, and you too, son. One day I control Rome and show the people what true power is." said Manius II as he left.

Tiberus said basicilly the same to his wife and kid. As they walked out the city the people wished them great luck in their journey.

So they rided across the sands, burning the hooves of the horses that carried the twins and the kids. The heat was terrible. Luckilly, Manius II had studied local Easterns and their ways of getting water and food, so they had no bother of thirst and hunger.

They were accompanied with Praetorian guards who were loyal to their masters. They were sweating like pigs in the heat, some wanted to take all their clothes and armour to cool down but the armour arsorbed the heat and could not be tooken off. Anyway who would to go around naked anyway? After a few terrible days thrist days the men met the fort with their army in it. Manius and Brutus and his Praetorians were please to ahve some decent food and clean water. They had a rest for the next couple of battles waiting ahead. The invasion shall begin....

Please rate

Copperhaired Berserker!

05-10-2005, 17:40

Part 3: The fort

"Okay, we're here, as you know the SPQR have ordered us to invade Parthia," informed Tiberus.

Manius II continued the speech."We're looking for someone to be a diplomat and persuade the Armenians to join us in the fight, there is a good chance they will agree because they are in war with the Parthians as well." he said.

One man signed up, a man called Lucius (Ring a bell?) who was a great negociator. He had a lot of experience in diplomacy and was a must for the job. He went off with horsemen and went to the Armenian capital, Arkeses.

Part 4: Negociation

The man spoke to the Armenian king who was very old and wise.

"Sire, may we neogociate?" said Lucius. "Ok, what do you wish to neogociate?" asked the king.

"Shall be allies, and fight against the Parthian menace who plauges our land and yours?"asked Lucius.

"Yes! We seriously need a ally with excellent infantry which you have." cried the king.

"Thank you." said Lucius. Also more deals were neogociated as they talked but we shall leave those bits out, shall we? The deal was a great sucsess. Lucius went back to the fort and was grinning to ear to ear when he reached the fort.

Copperhaired Berserker!

05-12-2005, 18:35

Part 5: Meeting

The Roman army was walking over to merge with their allys, the Armenians.

"How do you think we will do against the Parthians with our allys?" asked a soldier to a officer.

"Well, I think we will do well because the Parthians have Horse Archers,right? And they, the Armenians have the same so we will have something to match with those HAs." the officer replied. Finally they met with the Armenians.

" Who goes there? Friend or foe?"

"Friend." shouted Manius.

"Okay." cried the Armenian general, Arses (He was bribed and, what a funny name!~D )

The armies merged together and marched off to conquer Hatres, a rebel city.

Copperhaired Berserker!

05-12-2005, 18:42

Expect a new part tonight

Copperhaired Berserker!

05-13-2005, 20:53

Part 6a: Battle for Hatres

The Armenians were marching up to the city, staying clear of the arrow towers(Something vanilla RTW should have learned a long time) The Romans were marching up to the city, knowing that their tuesudo formation would keep them safe. The Armenians were impressed by this. Now the Romans were out of tuesudo to do something. They got some large stools, one or two metres long, and set them up, under the towers,then they got a flaming torch and burned down the towers. now they got the battering rams and knocked down the gates.

Right next part tonight probarly

Copperhaired Berserker!

05-13-2005, 21:56

Part 6b: In the Gates!

Now that the army was by the gates, Manius II and Tiberus marched into the city, with their sons, Caesar and Nero. Caesar and Tiberus were leading the Roman and Armenian infantry and missle troops, Manius II and Nero were leading the Roman and Armenian calvary. They went in one unit at a time, getting into the city took 20 minutes.

"Now, Velites, go up and fire your javilens at the Eastern calvary there, only use two volleys!" cried Caesar.

The velites marched up to the calvary and fired at the calvary who had thirty men killed by a volley then they charged at the Velites. The Velites got out of there and then Triarii charged at the unsuspecting calvary, slaughtering them. The battle took 5 minutes.

"Ok, Armenian HAs, fire at those infantry over at that buliding!" cried Manius II.

A great amount of arrows fell down on the infantry. They were scared out of their wits at the sight of those arrows. Especially if they're Armenian arrows. At that time their arrows were envied by all nations so no wonder they were scared. About two hundred men were killed, out of their three hundred men. Their number were greatly reduced.

The next part will be done today or tomorrow.

Copperhaired Berserker!

05-14-2005, 09:26

Part 6c: Surrounded!

A unit of Triarii with Caesar as their officer went up a empty street when a unit of Nile spearmen charged at the Triarii.

"Counter-charge! Attack!" cried Caesar.

The men charged at each other with Triarii having a fitness benefit as the Nile spearmen were exhausted. Caesar was first to strike. He stuck his dagger in a officer's throat while he bashed another soldier unconscious with his shield. An arrow flying out of nowhere landed on a spearman who was going to strike Caesar. While Caesar and his troops were fighting with the unit of spearmen, a unit of Nile calvary charged at the back of Caesar's unit. They didn't notice the huge amount of arrows flying behind their backs. Splat! Almost all the men were dead so they ran away. The battle was won that day, and new units were being made for the army.

Next part today maybe

Copperhaired Berserker!

05-15-2005, 19:52

Part 7a: The riot

Manius II said to Tiberus,"The other day when I was on patrol I saw a HUGE rebel army, and they were marching our way! It seems that they avengeing the deaths of the soldiers we killed to get Hatres."

"Hmmmmmm, well, how many calvary were there?"asked Tiberus.

"A few but no HAs." answered Manius II.

"Ok then, it's settled, we shall send a army of Armenian horse archers, and remember to give them every single arrow we have. We need enough ammo to wear down the rebel army if not destroy it." said Tiberus.
"Great!" cried Manius who then told his troops znout this.

Copperhaired Berserker!

05-18-2005, 18:36

Part 7b: A battle for Hatres

All the horse archers were ready to destroy the army. They were each side of the army so they were trapped and some foot archer were brought using spare arrows.

"Ready..... Fire!!" cried the officers. A rain of arrows both flaming and normal were dropping on some calvary. The unit was decimated. A flaming boulder hurt a unit of archers killing fifty. Arrows blotted out the sun as they landed on the enemy. Everything was going well, but then disaster struck. The Armenian general fell off his horse and got killed. What will happen? Find out tomorrow or tonight

Copperhaired Berserker!

05-18-2005, 18:41

you're a member now, you should be able to edit posts. look near the quote button

Ease up on your () usage. it takes the reader out of the story in many ways. you lose atmosphere when you have to explain something in that way. Try to work in what you want to say without rambling on or making it seem disjointed in the flow of the story. that would be better imho and help put the reader in the story.

Remember, writing is a skill that comes with time. take a deep breath and look at your posts, then ask yourself out loud how you can improve on it.

Oh yeah, I've cut down on that

Copperhaired Berserker!

05-21-2005, 13:19

By the way my new story, Men of honour is being done. It is about WWII.

Craterus

05-21-2005, 13:20

Can't wait for it. I prefer WW1 though. I may write a WW1 short story epic after my Scythian story.

P.S. A new chapter in The Master Horseman has been released!

Copperhaired Berserker!

05-21-2005, 13:25

It's done.

Copperhaired Berserker!

05-25-2005, 22:09

Part 7c: The general is dead..(soldier kills himself.... splat!)

"The general is dead! But don't panic..." cried a soldier. SPLAT! Too late. A stupid soldier had killed hisself (think back people... think back......~D ) " Keep firing! Don't panic! Hey, unit up there! Go up that hill and fire at that unit over there!" cried a officer who was now in command of the army. He pointed a stubby finger at a unit of infantry who were on another hill. The captain was commanding the tropps brillantly. Even Manius was impressed. Soon after the arrows were spent the infantry came to finish of the rebel army who took about a minute to defeat. The new general of the horse archers were premoted. He was called Airbes.

Ps sorry for the delay on this story.

Copperhaired Berserker!

06-01-2005, 21:20

new short story, the battle of Hasting

Copperhaired Berserker!

06-20-2005, 18:20

BTW, sorry for the delay and also I'll shall make more longer parts and make them more detailed.

Part 8: A new deal
Manius II had an idea for the poor Julii who were skint, because of a huge money robbery. Somepeople say that the Senate stole the money, but no one really knows. Anyway, Manius told Tiberus and Airbes, who were in their camp, talking to each other, to come to the yellow tent where we was waiting, to discuss this idea. Airbes and Tiberus came to the large tent. Inside was a small fire and a couple of weapons and shields.
"Sit down please," said Manius II. " I had a idea. you know the Julii, right?" Tiberus nodded and also Airbes. "Yeah, I know about them, poor gits alright. I once suffered under the hands of a Rebel army siegeing my town. People were dieing and disease spread quickly, as a spy destroyed the hospital. I nearly died by a disease but the Julii destroyed the army and we could rebuild our hospital." said Airbes. Tiberus and his twin were amazed by this story. " Thank Jupiter I found out this idea! They deserve the benifits of this idea!" said Manius II. "Okay, now here's the plan. You know the city of Grothes?" Tiberus nodded and so did Airbes. "Well, they're were saved by the Julii as well, so if we ask for money for the Julii they will probarly agree! We'll pay them back the money in two years time.!" continued Manius II. "Do you agree?" asked Manius II. "Yes!" agreed Tiberus and Airbes.