Men of honour

[Copperhaired Berserker!]

This story will be my fourth story I've done (even though I'm still doing my third)
This is a WWII story. This is partly fiction and partly non-fiction so I'll probarly make some battles up. Let the war begin!

Part 1: Will I join?

The man I'll talk about is Callum Jones who was 20 years old when the war we all know about,WWII, started. C.Jones was living with his wife who was ill with a small fever. He was British. His military life started in the 21st of June, 1941. As Callum walked down the stairs to give his wife some coffee, The postman knocked on the door. "Who is it?" asked Callum. "It's the postman! Here's your letters." called back the postman. He put the post through the letterbox walked off to do his other deliveries. "Where's my coffee?" cried Callum's wife. "In a minute! The post is here!" answered Callum. He put the cup of coffee down and looked through the letters. "Bill....letter....Bill...letter.... wait a minute! What's this?" said Callum looking at the letter he stopped at which was a subscription fourm for the British army. He thought for a few minutes and decided to join and that's how it all happened...

More parts to come

[Craterus]

Just a point about the realities of things...

Is his wife ill with a serious fever? If she was, I'm sure he wouldn't join but heid stay and look after her.

I like the beginning though.

[Copperhaired Berserker!]

Good point Craterus I forgot to say that was only a small fever but i can't edit it now with that "guest" error.

Edit: put in "a small fever" now.

[Craterus]

Yeah I know, I had to re-post my entire second chapter, because it was unclear what was story adn what wasn't.

I just want my edit button, my sig and my avatar back!!

[Copperhaired Berserker!]

Part 2: Time to pack up....

"Bye sweetheart. I'll see you at the end of this war." said Callum.
"But what if you get killed? I couldn't live with myself!" sobbed Callum's wife."Don't worry, I'll survive. It's in my blood." reassured Callum. And so he went in his car and got his luggage to put in the boot. So he drove off and went to the recruiting station which accepted his fourm and off he went to 31st Airborne Platoon.

[Copperhaired Berserker!]

Part 3: Briefing for D-day

The soldiers of 31st Airborne Platoon were sent into the briefing room, then a commander came in.

"Now, as you know, we're invading Normandy and we are assaulting with extreme force. Now we will be sent to the west of the beaches and we will have defend that area. Why? Well I'll tell you. The germens are powerful enough on the beachs but we can't allow any reinforcements to the beaches otherwise our soldiers will be screwed. We will be defending the beaches from that happening. Now you must study all of this stuff and get our objectives in your brain. More details for this mission on some papers in your room. you should know what papers because they're stapled together and have "top secret" stamped on it . And don't mention anything about this otherwise you'll be target practice for the recruits. You've been warned! You're dismissed!"

[Copperhaired Berserker!]

Part 4: Landing

Callum went on the plane. Now they were going to a small village, where German reinforcements were coming. Their mission was to destory the troops. "Now remember, once the green light goes on, jump out the plane. OK?" said the Sarge, Graham. His troops were Callum, John, David, Liam and Gary.
Liam and David were very experienced, Gary, John and Callum were not. "Prepare to jump!" cried the Sarge. Just then a couple of AA bullets hurt the aircraft.BANG! The back of the plane was destroyed and the plane was going down. "Damn it! Get out the plane now!" cried Liam. All the men jumped out. All of the troops watched on their parachutes as the plane exploded, taking the pilot with them. "Poor git..." muttered Gary. "Damn Nazis!" shouted John. Then a gust of wind blew all the men away from each other. The wind made John and David bump into each other. "Hey!!! Come back!!!!!" screamed Callum. He went down to the ground. His parachute hanged on a tree. He teetered up down, left and right as the winds pushed him around. A pair of germans came up. " Time to die, British pigdog!" sneered one of them. "Oh no.... this is it...." thought Callum. Then two men popped up and aimed their weapons at the Germans. POW! POW! The Germans were shot in the head. The two men walked up to Callum who was starting to choke. "That was a close one, eh?" said one of the men. The two men were Liam and Gary. "Oh am I glad you guys!" laughed Callum with relief. He was cut down from the tree. And his ears hurt from the muzzle fire.

Comments please.

[Copperhaired Berserker!]

Part 5: Ambush!

"Hey, Gary and Liam, thanks for getting me out of that! I thought I was going to die!" said Callum. " Haha! Don't mention it." replied Gary. The three of them were chattering when a handful of Germans surrounded them. "Into the same mess again in one day? Jeez! I must be cursed!" thought Callum."Put your hands up in the air! Move!" The three British looked at each other and slowly put their hands up. Then... BANG!!! A deafening noise went through all the soldier's ears. Well, almost all of them. Three Germans were flung up into the air like ragdolls, with blood splattered all over the place. Callum quickly swung around and got his pistol out and aimed at a German's head. POW! The soldier dropped down dead. The other Germans surrendered. They were shot anyway( No rest for the wicked, huh? ) Three men walked toward the British troops. They were David, John and Graham. Callum and Gary cheered. "Yes!! Back together at last!" cried Liam. The six men got out their bottles of water and cried together, "Cheers!"

[Monk]

these are imho of course

Berserker! You should work on describing things in more detail.

For example, Since you are doing a writing based loosely on WWII you should try to be historic. The Invasion of Normandy was a closely guarded secret by the Allies, so to have the commander just walk in and say a few lines isn't really enough. He'd have to outline everything in great detail, but at the same time would be telling his men to keep their mouth shut about it so the Germans wouldn't find out.

you don't describe sounds hardly at all. You should work on that (if you want)

In part 4 you say the plane is hit by AA fire, but you don't describe anything. It comes off empty and without substance. A big challenge for any writer is immersing the reader into the story, that includes not only sights but smells, sounds and that sort of thing. Try to focus not on what type of sound is made, but how it is created and how it sounded.

What i mean by this is; in part 4 you describe gunshots by "pow pow". well, that is the type of sound a gun makes, but it gives little description. Try telling the reader how the sound was made, was it a loud noise? (ect. ect.)

If i'm not being clear please tell me.

[Copperhaired Berserker!]

what does imho mean? by the way more detail is being put in.

[Monk]

In My Humble Opinion = imho

[Copperhaired Berserker!]

New short story, The battle of Hastings