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Copperhaired Berserker!
06-01-2005, 19:04
I thought I'd do a historical story and modify with it a bit so here you go...

The battle of Hastings in 1066

Everybody knows about the battle of Hastings, it was when one single arrow killed King Harold. The arrow went through his eye. Some people thought that the arrow wounded Harold but then a knight on horseback finished him off. So now I, Berserker!, shall tell the story in my own words. Let the story begin....

The Normans and Saxons faced each other. The Saxons were on top of a hill and had the height advantage over the Normans. This would be crucial in battle. The Saxons had men in random appearences. Some had chaimail and a large shield with a big Boss on it. Some just had a shield and sword. But the Normans were heavily armored. They had chainmail and had a big shield and a sword. The Saxons formed a shield wall as they knew that the Normans were going to use archers to disrupt the Saxon line. King Harold was on foot next to his brave soldiers. The battle started. The archers were marching into range to fire at the Saxons. They looked at the Saxons to see the unarmored side of the Saxons. The Saxons were weak at the left of the flank. Very easily could they be picked off by arrows. The Normans took aim at the left flank and fired. The whole front rank of the left flank were killed or wounded. Blood poured down the hill. The ranks at the back were unaffected. King William was pleased with that volley. William ordered his archers back and told his infantry to charge the enemy. The calvary were closely behind the infantry in case the Norman infantry could not break through the Saxon line. The Norman army were divided into three sections, each with it's own commander. The Saxons saw the Norman infantry charge at their line. They taunted and sweared at the Norman infantry to get theirselves worked up, ready for the oncoming battle. The noise of boots stamping on the ground by the Normans were amazingly loud. One Saxon said that he thought a giant was stamping on the ground because the noise was so loud. In fact while the Saxons were taunting the enemy, some screamed as loud as they could, to wash out the terrible noise. So the Normans charged at the wall of shields made by the Saxons. While the Normans were charging at the Saxons, The Saxons threw stones and spears to kill the charging Normans and it worked quite well but didn't stopped the Normans charging. More blood was spilled. The victims of that volley screamed in agony. A modern person would feel sad and disgusted that someone would do that, but the Saxons were pleased. The noise of weapons bashing off shields and weapons clashing and people screaming from being killed or injured broke the minds of some scared Saxons who then ran away, only to be hunted down by Norman calvary. The battle was so bloody that you could say that some Normans poured red paint over their faces. The Saxons were winning as the Normans were seriously failing to burst a hole in the Saxon line. Even when the Normans tried to burst a gap using calvary it was no use. The Norman calvary just shyed away as they were about to charge a wall of spears. Then the Norman left flank ran away as they were being chopped down by the Saxons. They were screaming, " Run for the hills! Run for it!" Some unlucky soldiers fell or were out of breath and then were killed by the pursuing Saxons. Then a event happened which changed the course of the battle. The inexperienced men of the Saxon left flank who were chasing the routing Normans should have stayed where they fighting, up on the hill. Now you'd think that Harold would order those pursuing men back to hit the Normans from the rear but he didn't. He let the men go on and chase them, leaving a gap in the Saxon line for the Normans to flood through. Then the Normans took the iniative. They got around the back of the Saxon line and struck hard. Now the Saxons were shaken. Harold slapped hiself for not ordering his men to stay where they were. King William told his archers to fire at the surrounded Saxons. And that volley of arrows changed history in a fraction of a second! The volley poured down on the Saxons like rain. And one arrow went through Harold's eye. Down he went like a brick. News spread through the Saxon line. The men lost their will to fight. They ran away, of course. The rest fought on. They fought bravely but fought not for long. They were killed. The Normans cheered in triumph. This led to England being conquered. It was the last time that Britian was conquered completely by forgeiners.

A short story by Berserker!

Copperhaired Berserker!
06-01-2005, 22:18
Please comment.

tibilicus
06-01-2005, 23:17
Bravo Beserker!
You should tell some stories on our site. You could be the clan story teller ! Who gets us fired up before battle.

TheSilverKnight
06-02-2005, 00:12
One-quarter of the Saxons did not kill themselves upon learning of the death of King Harold. They ran, but that's to be expected.
Where did you learn that odd piece of information?
Cos it's not true...

and King Harold wasn't hit in the face. Specifically he was hit in the eye, and it knocked him from his horse.

Monk
06-02-2005, 00:20
Well Berserker!, i read your story but i'm quite curious as to why you have so many going at one time. Is there any reason or do you just have multiple ideas? well in any case, you asked for comments so i'll give my thoughts.

You tell us of the battle, but describe nothing. Everything is told, but not a single element of the story is shown; if you catch my meaning. It comes off as only text, I couldn't feel immersed in anything.

You also have a strange recurring theme of people committing suicide when the going gets tough; may I ask why that is? Why do people all of a sudden kill themselves when if they don't they could run away and actually live. You make it seem easy for someone to grant themselves death, but i can assure you it's not. If you're going to write you must make realistic situations to captivate readers, unless its a comedy or parody then you can do what you will. I could never do such a thing, perhaps it's because my fear of what lies beyond death outweighs that of life. The chance that there's only darkness waiting can stay any hand. Can you honestly give up your existence willingly, or would you grasp life with every ounce of strength you had?

These are humans you write about; not machines. Make us love them, hate them, and sad to see them go.

Craterus
06-02-2005, 00:20
and King Harold wasn't hit in the face. Specifically he was hit in the eye, and it knocked him from his horse.

Many historians believe Harold was struck in th eye by an arrow, but he continued fighting. Only to be cut down later in the battle by some Norman Knights.

Beserker!, some grammatical errors, which don't read too well but I'll comment in the morning. I'm tired now.

Copperhaired Berserker!
06-05-2005, 20:12
Sorry, Monk. I've took that bit out and described the battle a bit more.

Copperhaired Berserker!
06-05-2005, 20:30
Many historians believe Harold was struck in th eye by an arrow, but he continued fighting. Only to be cut down later in the battle by some Norman Knights.

Beserker!, some grammatical errors, which don't read too well but I'll comment in the morning. I'm tired now.

Craterus, some name spelling mistakes there!!

master of the puppets
06-06-2005, 13:24
i think it was pretty good, could use more detail but then again it does have that sort of barbaric simplicity, short, sweet and graphicly violent. bravo.