Mod: Total Mod isn't recruiting!

[Dol Guldur]

This totally unoriginal mod will be modded by a team of 1 and I am hoping to get it done before my enthusiasm runs out or before I realise I do not have all the skills necessary - whichever is soonest!

To aid in the rapid completion of the mod I will post requests for other people to make all my models for me even though they are up to their eyeballs in work in their own mod teams.

But fortunately I'm a top coder (I've changed unit stats!) so this should help alleviate the pressure for all concerned. I'm hoping some really skilled people will join so that my mod can be completed and the other mods they are working on forgotten. In case this is not possible I will be borrowing certain aspects of other people's mods to aid me in the completion of this all-important mod. Here are some of the factions I intend to use:

* Crusaders
* Aes Sedai
* Gondor
* Varangian Guard
* Khazars
* Imperial Stormtroopers
* Smurfs (2 factions)

I think it will make for a very interesting project.

What y'all think? Any suggestions?

[Lord Adherbal]

I sense some sarcasm in this post, but none the less:

yes I will join j00 !!!1

[/spam]

[Dol Guldur]

That's great Adherbal...all I need you to do is devote all your spare time to the mod for the next 2 years. If you can be available on msn, aim, icq, email, telephone 24 hours a day, 7 days a week that'd be great too. I'm also looking into global satellite tracking and a pigeon courier service. I may have to Google Earth you every now and again to make sure the car/bike is in the drive.

I should say from the start that I intend to spend quite a bit of my own time playing Mount & Blade - purely for de-stressing purposes you understand.

[Meneldil]

Awesome !!! Where do I sign ? I'm quite experienced at modding : I already changed faction colors for my game :duel:
I can also help for historical researches on StormTroopers.

[KonstantinosXI]

Me i can research on AES SEDAI.. i can change factions' names...

[Epistolary Richard]

Ah, is this that curious 'humour' thing that I hear non-modders talking about?

https://img466.imageshack.us/img466/5805/dogbert7ud.jpg (https://imageshack.us)


To fulfil another required part:

*ahem*

I WILL BETA-TEST!

[Dol Guldur]

Meneldil,

I'm just adding you in now. The web site should be up in 11 months or less, and we'll get you added hopefully before that - the password is "mod".

Always great to have a skilled modder onboard. Tell me, have you been through the full spectrum for the faction colours yet?


Dol Guldur's modding Rules of Clueless Modders
Clueless modders think the Mod-Switcher has something to with starting a new mod every few weeks * Clueless modders would use show_err if they knew where to type it in * Clueless modders can't read and write very bad tutorials that were written about a year ago by someone else with much more skill in instructive writing * Clueless modders never check out the "Welcome to the Modding Forums!" thread and always ask questions that have been answered a zillion times before * Clueless modders get everyone's backup * Clueless modders help each other out by ganging up on the real modders and asking them lots of questions whilst stubbornly refusing to teach themselves through the many great tutorials that abound on the modding forums
Clueless modders cannot spell Vercingetorix for toffee and wonder what Asterix-the-Gaul characters have go to do with modding anyway!


EDIT: Ah, erm..Epistolary...ah...nice sig ;) Well, it will be out when it's out. Excellent. Beta testing begins in November. Not sure what year yet.

[KonstantinosXI]

Fantastic!!!

[Kralizec]

Hey, I've experience with modding! I've like totally, changed unit stats in descr_unit or whatever it was called ~:cool:

I could also help you with historical research! Why isn't Bartix on the faction list for example? Or Smurfland for that matter? Everybody loves blue dwarves armed with crossbows and pointy melee weapons :charge:

[Dol Guldur]

Smurfland is between Cappadocia and The Blight, just north of Mirkwood Forest. Your research however is a little lacking. Everyone knows that Smurfs have pea-shooters and exploding gifts, not crossbows.

[Geoffrey S]

Well, um, I'd really like to help, but editing those text files looks too complicated. I really can't spend a little time to work out those kind of things, it's not that I can't be arsed but it's just not possible; I'll just stick to saying I'd love to help but can't mod.

Best of luck! ~;)

[wlesmana]

Hi! Your idea sounds intriguing and I'm sure this will be a great mod. But I notice that Imperial Stormstroopers is not historically correct as at the time period they should've been called Republic Clone Troopers and led by Yoda with a tiny lightsaber. Also you will need extensive description on your Crusaders because they are doing very importants tasks such as crusading and led by King Arthur of Dol Amroth. I am very knowledgable in the area because I read 138 books on history and art of pottery and took 5 semesters of classes in the art of modding RTW. I can be your lead designer but only if you listen to me whine and bitch about every single work everyone else did and hinder progress of the mod. That is obviously because I am a superior human being than the rest of you scums. With my help and prowess, we can be the number one mod, beating Axis&Allies Total War! Email me at bigwart@uranus.com



PS. I expect to see screenshots by 2pm tomorrow.

[alpaca]

I'm in. My strengths are:
- Total disillusioning
- asking stupid questions whenever possible
- coming up with ideas that have absolutely nothing to do with the theme or timeframe
- bitching around
- suing people for having used our mod's stuff before us

I hope this qualifies me for a top-notch place as lead scripter (especially the bitching around).

[Kralizec]

Smurfland is between Cappadocia and The Blight, just north of Mirkwood Forest. Your research however is a little lacking. Everyone knows that Smurfs have pea-shooters and exploding gifts, not crossbows.

Actually that's a widespread myth- or at least, considering the period we're talking about. Excavations indicate that smurfs did use a type of crossbow as well as the gladius hispanica and the sarrissa. Or we could place the mod 200 years later, and we could use muskets. Smurfs were a warlike race.

[Lord Adherbal]

and don't forget the smurfic heavy cavalry. I've scanned in an Osprey picture of it:

https://img228.imageshack.us/img228/5164/smurfcav0ik.gif (https://imageshack.us)

[KonstantinosXI]

Wow!!! this will be the best mod for RTW...

In my Osprey book smurfic heavy cavalry was more heavily armoured...

but nice picture anyway!!!

[edyzmedieval]

This is totally fantastic and hilarious!!! :laugh4:

Good Osprey scan, Adherbal....

My skillz are:
-asking stupid questions every time
-spamming the mod forum
-downloading mods and erasing them after from my computer


That's great Adherbal...all I need you to do is devote all your spare time to the mod for the next 2 years. If you can be available on msn, aim, icq, email, telephone 24 hours a day, 7 days a week that'd be great too. I'm also looking into global satellite tracking and a pigeon courier service. I may have to Google Earth you every now and again to make sure the car/bike is in the drive.

I should say from the start that I intend to spend quite a bit of my own time playing Mount & Blade - purely for de-stressing purposes you understand.

*rolling on the floor laughing* :laugh4: ~:joker: ~:joker: ~:joker:

Awesome! Where do I sign up for the mod?!
In what year will the mod and forum be available?! 10000?!~:joker:

[Dol Guldur]

I've updated the intial post to include the Smurfs. I had intended they be just mercs but as there is such support for them being a faction I will make them into two factions. The Smart Smurfs and the Smarmy Smurfs.

Here are some more images regarding this faction:

Smurfic Cake Throwers:
http://www.saturn-soft.net/Services/Ecard/cards/14_7.gif

Mounted Smurf Faction Leader:
http://www.gasolinealleyantiques.com/cartoon/images/miscellaneous/smurf-grandpasurf.JPG

And lastly, more as eye-candy really, what the enemy do to captured/slain smurfs after battle.

http://www.collectingpez.com/pics/smurfaab.jpg

(I think Adherbal's battle-map models skills will come in handy here).

[Meneldil]

Well, if we're including Bartrix, we'd better check out this Preview to Open Beta stuff (https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showthread.php?t=49401&highlight=bartix), they have a lot of good info we could steal.

Anyway, about faction colors editing, I'm having CTD when I edit the secondary colors. Something must be wrong but I don't know why ~:confused: ~:confused: ~:confused:

I have an uber cool idea : we could make planes, and ships and tanks. We would have huge battles, with fffffsssssshiiiiiiiou (missile sound) and boum (something blown up sound) and takatakatakak (machingun sound). That would seriously kick ass. As soon as I'm done editing secondary colors, I'll make a first tank model. i'll post a screenshot tomorrow.

[edyzmedieval]

Hilarious with the slain $murf$.... ~:joker:

And Meneldil, you got that right. Bartrix. ~D

[Dol Guldur]

Excellent link. Though the 56-ft long pikes are not historically correct especially for thrown weaponry. Hand-thrown Pikes never exceeded 55 feet.

A skilled pike thrower could hurl such a weapon up to a distance of 57 feet (though admittedly that included the length of the pike).

I look forward to seeing the tank. Which faction will it be for?

[edyzmedieval]

Nomad Varangian Elephants.... ~D

Hurl it to 57 feet?! Come on.... Than this means the slingers go to 200ft?! Great. ~:)

And were are the F14 Tomcats?!

[Dol Guldur]

You know, I get the feeling some of you guys just ain't taking this mod seriously....


:saint:

[Kralizec]

How could you say that?

I dug up some old history books too, here's a picture of what a Smurf phalanx must have looked like. Bronze head caps, but no other protection other then the sarrissas keeping the enemy at bay.

https://img205.imageshack.us/img205/4098/phalanx3iw.gif (https://imageshack.us/)

[edyzmedieval]

$murf Phalanx.... :laugh4:

[KonstantinosXI]

And look at this special unit!!!

THE SMURFS' NATURAL TREBUCHET

https://img209.imageshack.us/img209/7394/puffocazzuto8gr.jpg (https://imageshack.us)

[Spendios]

You forgot the smurf not-so-heavy-unscythed-chariot !

Note than the bell was only used in the pre-bartixian era to scare the giant-frenzy-bloodthirsty-turkey of the Lorien forest...


https://img524.imageshack.us/img524/6105/schtroumpfsambulance12zr.jpg

[SwordsMaster]

You know what would be funny? If this got more posts and views than EB...

[GiantMonkeyMan]

when is this mod out??? i think you guys should be slaving away 24 hours a day so that i can install the mod then bitch about how historically inaccurate the smurfs are then complain because i think that you ruined my rome:total war file even though i didn't follow instructions and make a separate rome folder... i mean come on!
and please can we see more gondor they are my favourite faction out of all because of their panzer tanks and drunken kangaroo tamers... thanks
and does this mean that i can become lead skinner?

[Dol Guldur]

Due to an overwhelming response I'm sorry to say that we can longer take on just any old applicant. We're upping the standards and our new vetting system for potential Dev. team members will now be a lot more vigorous. If you're thinking of applying to join the Team then please make sure you meet the following *new* minimum standards:

* You must be able to find the Nvidia page to download PS/PSP plug-ins without any aid except from the tutorials (bit of a toughy that so we might allow some latitude there)

* You must know the difference between 2D and 3D

* You must have played R:TW for more than 30 minutes

* You must know who Papa Smurf is

* You must have the Atlas of Middle-earth (!?)

* You must have no illusion that the team leader is anyone but the Dragon Reborn

* You must know in which order these civilisations came: Babylon, USSR, Tatooine

* You must know how to use MSN

* You must read and reply to PMs (bit of a toughy there too)

* You must give up one episode of LOST every month

I hope these new requirements are not too burdensome.

The Mod Leader (aka the Dragon Reborn)

[blindfaithnogod]

is this mod done? where can i download it? how do i install it? how can i delete it when its no more fun? can i mount your smerf phalanx? by the way that phalanx unit looks like crap... he should have a slightly lighter shade of blue.... and make the lines straighter....
and can i join the team, i dont know how to mod... but im really not willing to learn....
also add a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles faction, that would be rad...

[Epistolary Richard]

Based on these criteria, my girlfriend counts as a modder. :eek:

Except that she has a map of the Discworld instead of Middle Earth - does that count? Will there be a hidden Ankh-Morpork resource that will allow Commander Vimes and the Night Watch to be recruited by the Smurfs but only with a level 4 Patrician's Palace?

I personally feel that as you're now such a well-established team it is high-time for internal dissent, strops on public forums, angry resignations and team members leaving to set-up parallel mods.

[Dol Guldur]

Addendum:

* All applicants must be male

[Lord Adherbal]

alas, I fear I cannot pass those rules :( I'll start my own mod then, and destroy yours. Anyone wanna join me ? No rules, just that I'm the boss

[Epistolary Richard]

My girlfriend's says she'll join your mod then. She demands in addition to smurfs, stormtroopers and other factions that she be faction co-ordinator for the jedi faction.

And she wants the Smurfette to have her own unit.

[Kralizec]

Addendum:

* All applicants must be male


My girlfriend's says she'll join your mod then.

:gah:

I'm afraid I don't have an atlas of middle Earth. I happen to have atlasses of upper Earth and lower Earth, but not middle. So unless Don Gordul drops that criteria and gives me 300% of the salary of a regular modder, I'll take my vast knowledge of smurfkind and join up with lord and master, Adherbal :bow:

[Lord Adherbal]

this mod will suck and be unaccurate. I need serious modders for Mod: Realism Mod, WHOSE WITH ME ?!!!11

[alpaca]

I am with you brother!!!!!!111oneoneone
Dol Guldur has become crazy and is an anti-semite, thus his mod must be destroyed so that Mod: Realism Mod becomes the only true implementation of smurfkind into Rome: Total War.
The Red Dragon will ever defeat the White Dragon!

[Dol Guldur]

I've a new idea...

Chicory Total War - the one and only true Vegetable Mod.
Specifically designed for an optimal multiplayer experience, evolving around thyme and tictacs. Soon featuring a completely renewed SP vegetablepatch with brand new 'taters, marrows and allotment plans

Who's with me?


Dol Guldur (desecrater of signatures)

[Dooz]

This is the perfect thread... nobody can make a bad post... even this, acceptable. *tear*

[alpaca]

If you hadn't become insane and greedy, Dol Guldur, I'd join, but I think I'll rather create my own mod called: Banana: Total War which features the Banana Multiverse with Banana Vector Rooms, Banana Distance, etc.
I also plan to include the historic battles of The Palm Tree, Papaya Mansarde and, last but not least, the Strawberry Field.

This mod will be way better than Chicory: Total War an dI will crush that!!!!!
MWAHAHAHA

P.S: Anyone interested in slavering away while I sit behind my desk, sip my coffee and yell at you, please send me a PM.

[KonstantinosXI]

I think i'll do POKEMON TW!!! i have some osprey book on ancient pokemons and i will destroy your vegetable mods...

Who want to join me???

[GiantMonkeyMan]

pokemon tw... thats ridiculous!

anyone want to help me (and by help i mean do all the work while i send you annoying email telling you to hurry up) make deodorant tw? we can have lynx and right-guard and um i'l get back to you.... well i need skinners and coders and modellers and historians and skinners and maybe some coders... er oh and a few moddelers and of course a group of historians who will help the skinners... did i mention coders?

[Kralizec]

This is ridiculous. I shall go solo too!
My mod will centre around a slave war between a race of teenage mutant hero turtles and the regnum smurfae, the brutal opressors. The title will be "Turtle Insurrection: Total Smurf. Best part is of course the name. I bet the catchy abreviation will draw thousends of players through search engines!
I shall post some updates when I find someone who will do all the work for me (well, not really...I'll take care of the credits)

[KonstantinosXI]

We could merge our 2 projects!!!

Turtle resurrection: pokemon wars!!!!

[Dol Guldur]

OK, OK...It's getting kind of silly now - who started this thread anyway? Oh...

[edyzmedieval]

Interesting thread...

Where are the Varangian Guards?!

I propose another faction: Sexy Girls ~D

[Lord Adherbal]

I propose another faction: Sexy Girls

good idea !

can you send me some models to base my models on ?

[KonstantinosXI]

Eheh..i want to do all sexygirls modls and textures!!!!!!!

[dclare4]

Dash it all jeeves!

I shall do all the textures for the new faction based on current socio-political events even now resounding in our tv screens - the current wave of Idlamic Jehaddist terrorism against the noxius imperialism of the Old West (John Wayne is the GREAT SATAN!)

The leading faction shall of course be the Moron Idlamic Liberation Front or M.I.L.F. with historically accurate skins of the deadly Brittany Spear phalanx - but can they form schiltrom I don't know (does anyone have the Offspray book about it Offspray My Ander Arms 669 I think it was) - and of gourse the Christina Aguerrilla suicide bombers.

Oh and don't forget the West's secret weapon - Westlife taunters. Singing 'Coast to Coast' 1000 times that demoralizes the enemy and raises your morale by a factor of 10!

I will do the skins but demmit someone has to do the models for me! Anyone? Anyone?

Comte Charles Donatien du Vivier Alphonese de Sade de Saxe de Violins de Organus Majesticus de Clare
("Harlechman")

SIG - "Offspray My Ander Arms books rokcs!"

[dclare4]

Can my girlfriend be a modder too?

Please!

Hey you're in twcenter forums too right? In fact we're both working on the same mod together there right? Maybe we can get Sundjata to do the sexy moaning animations for the Brittany Spear phalanx for us in between the dancing Imperial devils-in-skirts troopers (the Scottish chearleading unit I asked him to do last weekend).

Of course since we're all working on the same mods we can just share and share alike.

Can my girlfirend be a modder too? PLEASE?

By the way, according to Herbigclitsux' Histories Tome LXIX the ancient foe of the Smurfs, Lord Gargamel used as his minions - yes in THAT WAY - horrible hypnotic dancing badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers badgers that fed on MUSHROOMS MUSHROOMS. They must be represented for the sake of strict historical accuracy!

Can you be my girlfriend?

PPUUUUHHLLLEEEASSEEEE!!

Comte Jean Charles Roland Evremonde de Clare Cagney James
("Harlechman")

[Bartix]

This mod total awesome!!:charge: :charge: :charge:
(or -ful, I mix up)

Is it out yet?
Is it out yet?

What~:confused: unit Smarmy Smurf and what Varangian Mumakil replaced by, then?~:eek: :duel: ~;p

[Epistolary Richard]

It's good to vent once in a while.

I'm glad we all got that out of our systems.