bait-class in•di•vid•u•al: n. A living person with negligible anti-zombie skills and abilities. Frequently shortened to BCI.
Ex. "We left Frank behind. The explosion that removed his arms had transformed him from a zombie-killing machine into a bait-class individual."
[see also meatsnack]
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blood pupp•et: n. Any recently bitten human that has yet to exhibit clear symptoms of shamblorhood. More specifically, someone who has incurred a small bite that is easily hidden and thus unnoticed by any of the victim's traveling partners. Most specifically, someone who purposefully keeps their wound(s) hidden in hopes of "walking it off." Since these wounds will of course lead to the victim becoming a surprisor, a non-disclosing blood puppet is considered the worst kind of traitor.
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brain buf•fet: n. Easy prey for a zombie. Refers to any person or persons who have put themselves in a zombie-convenient position due to incompetence, hot-dogging, or simply due to charnel law. One is especially prone to becoming a brain buffet if one fails in a spectacular attack/escape attempt (see Tony Jaa Gambit).
Ex. "The doors to the adult day care center were propped open. Two shamblors wandered in and quickly delighted in the waiting brain buffet."
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brain sa•ving sta•tion: n. Any local business contacted by zombiedefense.org prior to or immediately following the onset of the Zombie Holocaust that agrees to distribute zombie defense pamphlets and to assist those in need during the troublesome hours and days that follow ZH0H.
Ex. "Pursued by fourteen gimping rot-wagons, Susan felt waves of relief wash over her as she rounded a corner to come face-to-face with a "brain saving station" banner."
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brain•thirst: n. The insatiable urge for brains which physically drives zombies. Brainthirst also acts as a vague sort of "brain radar" that aids shamblors in locating living brain tissue above and beyond the limits of their (formerly) human senses.
Ex. "Anne Sullivan thought she was safe around the undead Helen Keller, but the latter's brainthirst ensured meatsnack status for the former."
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breath•er: n. Common slang for a living, sentient and non-undead individual.
Ex. "I turned toward the noise and pulled the trigger. I didn't have time to see if I was dealing with a breather or a shamblor. When the flashlight's pale beam finally focused upon my target, I came to realize it had actually been Dave Coulier. He really should have cut it out."
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bum•ble•bee: n. Any meatsnack or BCI that survives well into CSB despite being hamstrung by their own ineptitude.
Ex. "Tanya was six years old, afflicted with severe Down's Syndrome, and had lost her feet in a motorcycle accident shortly after birth. Imagine our surprise when we stumbled into the long-abandoned Dairy Queen and found her too obese to move having spent the previous eight months cramming her gullet with stale sugar cones. We gawked at this young bumblebee's incredible fortune for a short while before moving her outside to be used as bait in an elaborate pyrotechnic display/trap which shut down two zomblors."
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char•nel law: n. The strange phenomenon in which fate aligns itself with the zombie horde in every possible circumstance. It's just like Murphy's Law, but substitute the words "zombie" and "certain death" for pretty much everything.
Ex. "I thought I could make the jump from the top of one apartment building to another, but charnel law decided that I'd not only trip over my shoelaces at a crucial moment, but also shoot myself with the Glock stuffed into the waistband of my Wranglers."
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chub•rub: n. Developed by Justin Wilson and Rachel Ray, chub rub is a seasoning blend consisting of smoked paprika, dried sage, and potting soil. Carried by survivalists, chub rub is used to make cannibalism more palatable.
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ci•ne•ri•tious par•a•chute: n. The imaginary "agreement" you have with God entitling you to either an inexhaustible cache of high-powered weaponry or maajickal immunity to zomblification in the event of the necropalypse.
Ex. "I had confidence in my chances of survival. After all, I still had my cineritious parachute."
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com•plete so•ci•e•tal break•down: n. The point in time following ZH0H when all known societal and governmental structures have failed thus signifying that a true post-necropalyptic life has begun. Frequently referred to as CSB. Also known as Ron Paul's wet dream.
Ex. "A wall of burned-out tanks and military vehicles surrounded St. Louis. When I saw that a chickadee had nested in the treads of one of the tanks, I became suddenly aware that complete societal breakdown had occurred. I paused and then ate the chickadee's eggs. 'em. had just gotten real."
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corpse pic•nic: n. Any post-zombie holocaust location that acted as a major population center in a pre-zombie holocaust world.
Ex. "Steve took his moped into the heart of downtown Atlanta and quickly found that the city of his youth had become a corpse picnic."
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dis•co noc•tur•nal: v. Taking undeserved credit.
Ex. "I can’t believe Gus is disco nocturnaling us again. I mean, he cowered in the hotel lobby while we clubbed rot boxes for an hour and a half. AN HOUR AND A HALF! Now he’s the hero? What the , man? He doesn’t even play an instrument."
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e•sca•por: n. A specific type of zombie. An escapor is a human being who flees combat, but later rejoins the fray as a zombie.
Ex. "Dan had seen enough. He leapt through the plate glass storefront window in an attempt to flee. He didn't get far and soon returned (minus his right arm and both ears) as an escapor."
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few•chor: n. It's kind of like the future, but it's riddled with the undead.
Ex. "When she was young, Susanna had planned to spend her future as a housewife. After the zombie holocaust, she knew her fewchor was destined to revolve around gangrene and the occasional can of dog food."
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friend•ship's ter•mi•nal du•ty: n. An almost always unspoken promise between true friends that if someone is bitten by a zombie, a real friend will kindly murder the doomed person in order to help him avoid the fate worse than death that is shamblorhood. Nothing could be more pure or true. Frequently referred in acronym form as FTD.
Ex. "James and I managed to get the fire-door closed and locked. I noticed a bite wound on his left hand. He trembled for a moment, then reloaded his pistol. He handed it to me and a tear rolled slowly down his sooty cheek. We'd been friends since the fourth grade and now I had to perform friendship's terminal duty."
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flip-six-three hole: n. A term used to refer to an absolutely flawless plan of action with no chance of success which guarantees complete victory.
Ex. "An enormous throng of oncoming zombies blocked their only avenue of escape from the alleyway. Having finally decided to try to thread their way to freedom by brachiating across the dangling ladders of overhead fire escapes while co-wielding a ceramic toilet tank cover with their feet to crush the hordes' collective noggins, Javier looked at Alex and said, 'Flip-six-three-hole?'"
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floor snap•per: n. (both singular and plural). A fully-animated severed zombie head containing an intact zombie brain. A group of floor snapper is called a shoal.
Ex. 1. "The katana made short work of the horde, but left the board room filled with rolling floor snapper."
2. "A shoal of floor snapper stood between Nancy and the whirling blades. Decapitated bodies, in varying stages of decay, surrounded the helichopper."
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fright•mare: n. Any sort of highly terrifying vision or mental image which is imagined or based on real events. Frequently experienced by one who has come in close contact with the walking dead. These visions commonly occur to those who have witnessed copious amounts of zombie inflicted carnage on a first-hand basis and happen with a higher degree of intensity immediately following such an encounter. Scarewolves may or may not be involved.
Ex. "Until the day he died, Peter suffered from frightmares of the day his brother told him of the improper relationship he'd been maintaining with their mother's corpse."
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hot dog: n. 1. One who recklessly engages in a style of fighting with zombies that demonstrates a preference for the perceived "style" of the kill over the safety of the living combatant.
Ex. "With only a single zombie left, that hot dog Jonathan felt a moral imperative to fancy up what should have been an easy kill by starting up the wood chipper."
2. A moist, cylindrical sausage-like food typically made from ground beef and pork, which is traditionally served in a piece of elongated bread.
Ex. "I love hot dogs."
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jon•a•than tay•lor thom•as: n. Any handsome adolescent boy still alive following ZH0H.
Ex. "Admittedly, fourteen year old Stacey was lucky to be alive. She was even luckier to have a Jonathan Taylor Thomas in her survival squad, even if he did have a hook-hand."
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mar•blom•e•ter: n. An instrument used to measure the relative importance of a given situation. Measurements displayed on this instrument reflect the percentage of figurative "marbles" to be gained or lost depending on the outcome of the situation in question.
Ex. "The marblometer readings were unusually high when Douglas decided to rappel from the 10th floor window of his zombie infested apartment using the entrails of his recently deceased landlord and a hastily sharpened railroad spike."
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meat•snack: n. A particularly clumsy, unlucky, unskilled, "gun shy," handicapped, morbidly obese, and/or idiotic person who is likely to be devoured immediately following the onset of the zombie holocaust. - adv. meat•snack•ly
Ex. "I would save your life, but by letting you die now I am insuring that there will be one less zomblor shambling the streets; you meatsnack."
[see also bait-class individual]
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ne•crop•a•lypse: n. Common vernacular for the total sum of the changes that will be experienced across all aspects of life at the point when the animated dead have risen in sufficient number to thoroughly disrupt the normal order of the world.
Ex. "Gregory - it's not the rapture. It's the necropalypse. Now quit praying and get on your knees."
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pan•crack: 1. n. The sound emitted by the breaking open of a zombie's skull-case.
Ex. "I clubbed the zombie as hard as I could and the resounding pancrack shook the windows."
2. v. pancracked, pancracking, pancracks -tr. The act of breaking open a zombie's skull-case with a bludgeon.
Ex. "I took the baseball bat in both hands and pancracked the out of him."
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sack down: v. sacked down, sacking down, sacks down -intr. To show extreme cowardice in response to even the least of threats. This display is never associated with high marblometer readings.
Ex. "The hobo approached Belinda. Instead of directly addressing him, she sacked down and crossed the street. Now she takes a different route to work altogether."
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sack up: v. sacked up, sacking up, sacks up -intr. To ostentatiously exhibit courage in a given situation as a result of overwhelming peer pressure or some steely reservoir of fortitude. This display is often associated with high marblometer readings.
Ex. "Jose (not Linda) pointed at the zombie horde outside his living room window, looked his crying 12-year old son in the eyes, and said, 'It's time to sack up, .'"
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snack in•dex: n. A measure of the relative desirability of a given target to a shamblor.
Ex. "The two men were pinned beneath the overturned dune buggy with shamblors rapidly closing. Eddie Deezen wasn't too worried however because he knew they'd first go for Luciano Pavarotti considering his higher snack index."
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snack ra•di•us: n. The area within arms length of a zombie.
Ex. "Steve made a critical error as he stepped forward to strike the first zombie. By doing so, he entered the second zombie's snack radius and quickly became a meatsnack."
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tard•hand: v. The action of failing to execute what should be a routine kill.
Ex. "A single shamblor approached Gilgamesh. His revolver was fully loaded. Once the shamblor was within three meters, Gilgamesh began to fire. Despite years of careful training, he somehow managed to tardhand away five rounds before finally achieving TSF."
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To•ny Jaa Gam•bit: n. The Tony Jaa Gambit is a subcategory of the flip-six-three hole. The Tony Jaa Gambit means to leap onto the shoulder of the nearest shamblor when surrounded and run from shoulder to shoulder until one has safely exited the circle of undeath.
Ex. "'We're surrounded! How ever shall we escape?' 'Only one option darlin'; we're gonna execute the Tony Jaa Gambit.'"
- v. Tony Jaaed, Tony Jaaing, Tony Jaas -tr. To pancrack a zombie in hand-to-hand combat. zombiedefense.org does not recommend this strategy. When used as a verb, the term "Tony Jaa" may be replaced with its synonym, "Ong Bak."
Ex. "'It bit my uncle. I'm gonna Tony Jaa that .'"
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to•tal skull fail•ure: n. Frequently referred to by its acronym (TSF), total skull failure occurs when the brain-case has been sufficiently damaged to prevent the brain from functioning.
Ex. "As the full weight of the safe came to rest upon the shamblor's head, total skull failure was almost certainly assured"
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two-state so•lu•tion: n. A rare, hot doggishly unfortunate rookie maneuver in which a zombie is decapitated in spectacular fashion before its brain is destroyed; resulting in the creation of a floor snapper and the accidental and equally spectacular death of said rookie.
Ex. "Jesus H. Christ, Lorainne. That was a two-state solution if I've ever seen one. Tell me you got video of that . TELL ME!"
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zom•bear: n. Mythical creature rumored to be the harbinger of the impending zombie holocaust.
Ex. "Lithographic artifacts from 19th century Arizona support the belief that the zombear played a central role in the Hopi mythos."
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zom•bie: n. A corpse (featuring an intact central nervous system) that rises and attempts to devour living human tissue. Common variants include, but are not limited to, shamblor, stumblor, rot box, zomblor, stink wagon, perishable, etc.
Ex. "Before her death, Ruth Bader-Ginsburg had been a Supreme Court Justice. Now, as she gnawed on the cracked skull-cases of both John Paul Stevens and John Paul Jones, she had been reduced to a simple zombie."
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zom•bie hol•o•caust ze•ro hour: n. The exact moment when the zombie apocalypse occurs, independent of cause. Commonly shortened to ZH0H.
Ex. "There was a flash of light, and the corpse sat up on the slab. I looked at my watch, which had stopped. Evidently, 12:02 GMT was zombie holocaust zero hour."
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zom•bu•la•tion: n. 1. The whole number of zombies in a country or any other definitional region. 2. The total of zombies occupying an area or making up a whole.
Ex. "The insatiable appetite of zombie Dom DeLuise quickly increased the size of the zombulation in France to well in excess of 747,000."
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