Fall of Constantinople

[Ludens]

Welcome back, Edyz . I hope you can find time to finish it.

[edyzmedieval]

Yeah, I made a ton of posts today. Time to get back on track with the Org. I want that Senior Membership.....

[Franconicus]

There are only a few chosen ones

Good luck!

[edyzmedieval]

Thanks everybody.

[edyzmedieval]

Chapter IX

Work in Progress.
Thank you for your understanding.


https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showp...&postcount=179

[Franconicus]

Hi Ed,

very good style. However, I joined to late to follow.

Did you ever think of writing an interactive; you know that Kraxis' style ones? I think your story would fit and you already gathered lot of information!

[edyzmedieval]

Hey Franc.

Yeah, I thought about that, but I wouldn't be able to do one, because I don't have the necessary time. Maybe in June/July, after I finish my exams.

Chapter 10 is in progress.

[hellas1]

Hey Edyz,

Good story man, but per my request, don't talk about what happened after the siege man, as greeks this shouldn't be discussed.

Consider what the Armenians and Assyrians went through.

Thank you! se efharisto re

[edyzmedieval]

Why not?

Also, I want to clarify some historical facts:
-Candarli Khalil became Grand Vizier in 1349, but I made him earlier, to add more flavour
-The Karamans attacked in 1444, but I wrote about them earlier, for the same reason. The 1444 attack will also be included

Chapter 10 completed.

[edyzmedieval]

Chapter 10

Work in Progress.
Thank you for your understanding.


https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showp...&postcount=179

[edyzmedieval]

Feedback please?

Chapter 11 in progress.

[Ludens]

I am impressed by your historical knowledge, but the story lacks action. In the last chapter, both the Emperor and the Doge get a scene preparing for the negotations, but the actual negotiations are just one paragraph. You can't drive the story just with discussions between the Emperor and his councilors. I want to see what actually happened outside of the councilroom and why it goes wrong (or right). Show, don't tell (and forgive me for using this trite phrase). Also, the dialogues tend to look a bit like this:

I want, says the Emperor.
But, says the councilor.
Yes, but, says the Emperor.
Okay, says the councilor.

I somehow imagine Byzantine councils were far more complex than that . Dialogues are very hard to get right, but that is no reason to keep them so bare.

That are as much feedback as my tired brain is able to manage. I hope they are helpfull. Anway, I am quite curious what this new ray of light will be.

[edyzmedieval]

Feedback is most appreciated Ludens. Thank you very much.

When I reach chapter 12, the whole story will be edited and rewritten. More action, more history, more pages, complete novel.

[Prince Cobra]

I've read your story- here is my comment. You know many facts about Byzantium and Byzantine history is OK. It's the same with major historical facts. However you misunderstood some details. The rulers of Mameluke Egypt was not Chaliphs but sultans. In Egypt there were a Chaliph who came from the old Abassid dynasty (in 1258 when Mongols plundered Baghdad and killed the last Abassidian Chaliph the Abassidian family emigrated in Egypt where the tradition was continued) but this Chaliph didn't have any real power he was Mameluke puppet and was a religious leader. The Fatimids were Shiites and they were ' heretic' according to Sunitte Abassidian Chaliphs.
And actually Egypt weren't vassals of the Ottomans- furthermore, Egypt was something like a super muslim power at that time. The conquering and vassalage of Egypt date from 1517 when Egyptian forces were literally smashed by the Ottomans.
Don't worry, middle East history is very complicated and we all make mistakes!
And about Italian attitude to Byzantium -they hated each other. And the Italian doge had to use any opportunity to press the emperor. At the meeting between Foscari and John (or Ioannos) VIII I expected to see hipocracy, hidden italian arrogance. I've read that during one of the emperor's voyages in Venice he was kept in an isolation and humiliated as Italians refused to gave him any luxury and even some necessities. Don't forget that the policy is very, very dirty job and it is seldom ruled by sympathy.
About the relations between the Papacy and Byzantium. They were rivals who struggled for the supreme religious power. The turkish threat threat forced byz to beg for help and papacy used it. For example the Pope dictated the conditions of the Ferara's uniat and byz were forced to agree. The uniat was so humiliating that some Orthodox churches like the Russian refused to accept it. The same is for a great part of the byzantines.
And also listen to Ludens. He's right. More intrigues behind the historical fact.
Remember history is not literature. Add intrigues, deep psichological portray of your characters, show some of the mechanisms behind the scenes.
It's not easy to do all these things but your story does have a great potential. Go on!

[edyzmedieval]

Thank you very much for the feedback Stephan. As I said, when I get to chapter 12(which means after I finish chapter 11) the entire book will undergo a serious rewriting.

I shall take notice of all the feedback I have received, and I shall improve drastically the book. I indeed want more action, as you guys wish for.

After the rewriting, I hope you shall enjoy it much more.

And yes, writing books has become a hobby for me.

[edyzmedieval]

Just want to inform you guys, chapter XII in about 70% completed.
It should be out soon.

[Prince Cobra]

And the guys are waiting...

[edyzmedieval]

The next chapter is almost completed, I'll post it after the exams finish(22nd of June).

Also, I'm experiencing a new technique of writing. Writing in my own language, then translating it. 2 times more work, but the chapters will be much more enjoyable.

[Patriarch of Constantinople]

I made a fall of constantinople in 6th grade for my english class. i still have it lol

[Ludens]

The next chapter is almost completed, I'll post it after the exams finish(22nd of June).

Also, I'm experiencing a new technique of writing. Writing in my own language, then translating it. 2 times more work, but the chapters will be much more enjoyable.

Any progress? I am very curious about this new technique.

[The Stranger]

Also, I'm experiencing a new technique of writing. Writing in my own language, then translating it. 2 times more work, but the chapters will be much more enjoyable.

i do that too. it makes the stories better indeed. that is how i wrote my contest story. stayed up till 4 oclock in the morning with my nose in 3 dictionaries.

are you participating in the contest? i hope so :D why dont you talk to me on msn?

[Moros]

I had to come sooner to the meadhall. Love your story edyz!

About translating from your native language to English, well tough I almost never write long texts and normaly never do them in English, I find writing in English from the sart not only the easiest but it gives me also the best results. You just need to think in English. That gives the best result if you ask me. Thinking in English and ofcourse taking your time.

[edyzmedieval]

Yeah, the next chapter is finished.

I'll post it this weekend.

[ByzantineKnight]

Great Story!!

[edyzmedieval]

Crusades and intrigues - Chapter XI


Work in Progress.
Thank you for your understanding.

https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showp...&postcount=179

[Prince Cobra]

A huge progress, edyz! I like the fact you include some love intrigue and the fate of Kostas who belongs to the plebs. I like it. And by the way I was surprised by the facts about Bayazid and prince Mehmed... But I would give you an advise- you should improve the palace speech- the Byzantines are known to have a great ceremonial and never to speak frank ( esp. in the palace; of course they were not so formal in their private talks). But good story!

P.S. I want more big chapters!

[edyzmedieval]

The year is 1443, so things are starting to shape up. I am now adding the secondary characters, which are going to be part of the proper siege.

Oh by the way, thanks for seeing the mistake.
Khalil was older than 50 years...

[edyzmedieval]

Come on, no more feedback?

[ByzantineKnight]

Its still awsome, I cant wait for the next chapter!!

[Ludens]

Come on, no more feedback?

You are aware that story is getting a lot of feedback by Mead Hall standards? Just keep posting chapters, and the feedback will come.