News of the Weird

[Gregoshi]

Concerned that an ex-boyfriend had used her laptop to search for child pornography...

She's a Snoopy girl apparently.

[Evil_Maniac From Mars]

Now you're really starting to take this America thing to a new level when you compare Canada with America....

Please elaborate.

[seireikhaan]

She's a Snoopy girl apparently.

That was a good one, Greg.

[Husar]

Please elaborate.

Canada is a country in America.

[Evil_Maniac From Mars]

Canada is a country in America.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Ca...xation2001.png

[Lemur]

She's a Snoopy girl apparently.

I think there was a severe misunderstanding when she said, "Fido, come!"

[Husar]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Ca...xation2001.png

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Lo...rthAmerica.png

[Gregoshi]

I think there was a severe misunderstanding when she said, "Fido, come!"

Forget the petting, eh?

I wonder if Toby is a legal beagle? Ms Owen is obviously in need of a lawyer.

[KukriKhan]

Old joke: Australian fore-play = "Brace y'self Sheila."

[Lemur]

Rhode Island strip club to hold job fair

PROVIDENCE, R.I. — Here's a job opportunity you won't need to buy a new wardrobe for.

Hoping to take advantage of Rhode Island's floundering economy, owners of the Foxy Lady strip club in Providence plan to hold a job fair on Saturday.

They say they're looking to fill around 30 positions, from strippers and waitresses to disc jockeys and bartenders, at that club and two others in Massachusetts.

"I need more managers, I need more competent staff, and I need more attractive waitresses to go along with the ones I have right now," said co-owner Tom Tsoumas.

[Gregoshi]

Rhode Island strip club to hold job fair

The perfect job - you can take off every day. New employees get a lap dance and work topless.

[Major Robert Dump]

We need more enteprenuers like that man right there so talented young women can work their way through college, or work their way through an 8ball of coke.

[Lemur]

Speaking of entrepreneurship, I just ran across the ads for a diet pill from the early '80s with the unfortunate name of "Ayds." Yes, it's pronounced "aids." No, I am not making this up. "Why take diet pills when you can enjoy Ayds?" Why, indeed.

-edit-

Found another commercial. And another. And this one: "Ayds suppresses your appetite medically." I'll say.

[InsaneApache]

Aye I remember Ayds back in the day. They were a sort of biscuit if memory serves. I think they changed the name to Herpes.

As for AIDS, it reminds me of the old joke:

How did AIDS get into America?

Up the Hudson.

[Pannonian]

Spanish football club president arrested after shooting.

The president of Xerez soccer club, Joaquin Bilbao, resigned on Thursday after he spent the night in a police cell following his suspected involvement in a shooting incident at a bar.

The Guardian podcast, starting at 19:50, has an entertaining account of the incident, with some truly awe-inspiring puns that would make Gregoshi green with envy. Listen to the end for another fantastic pun about a Juventus player.

[Fragony]

http://www.gastongazette.com/section...pic=1&id=31917

:dies:

[InsaneApache]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/hi/ne...00/7961224.stm

[Banquo's Ghost]

Some days, they really are out to get you.

Yamaguchi was in Hiroshima on a business trip on 6 August 1945 when a US B-29 dropped an atomic bomb on the city. He suffered serious burns to his upper body and spent the night in the city. He then returned to his hometown of Nagasaki.

[The Spartan (Returns)]

Korean Pimp Sells Males To Japan's Sex Trade

The Seoul Metropolitan Police have arrested a 41-year-old homosexual pimp, only identified as Park, for arranging the transport of dozens of Korean homosexuals and transgendered individuals into Yokohama’s red-light district.

Park is suspected of having 30 Korean male prostitutes work at brothels in Japan since January 2007 and taking a total of 500 million won ($330,000) from them in “brokerage” fees.

The 30 men had sex with Japanese men for ¥15,000 to ¥20,000. Besides the brokerage, Park took ¥80,000 from each of them per month for protection money that was paid to the local Yakuza.

Park recruited the men through online gay communities, saying that they could make big money in a short time in Japan’s male sex trade. Many of the transgendered individuals accepted Park’s offer in order to amass money to have a sex change operation.

According to police, Park himself is gay with HIV, and had sex with some of the prostitutes for whom he arranged the sex trade.

Police are hunting other sex trade groups similar to the one used by Park, and are conducting a joint investigation with Japanese police and Interpol into the connection between such brokers and the Yakuza.

Via Korean Times.

For historical reasons, ethnic Koreans actually make up a significant proportion of the Yakuza’s ranks in Japan, so the connection is not unsurprising.

Additionally, both Japan and Korea have long histories of exporting their young ladies for the sake of prostitution, so in that sense this is nothing new…

Police Arrest Man for Not Paying Schoolgirl Prostitute $750

An unemployed man desperate for schoolgirl sex has been arrested after he pulled a fast one on a schoolgirl, passing her an envelope full of flyers instead of the $750 agreed.

Claiming “I was tricked!”, the young strumpet reported him to police for non-payment after having sex with him unawares of the deficient payment, and police threw the book at the cheeky man.

Meeting her in a park, the man (24) passed the young prostitute (17 – actually an unemployed school dropout), whom he became acquainted with on a mobile phone dating site, what she believed to be her exorbitant fee of ¥70,000 in an envelope, and the pair had sex there and then.

However, he had in fact stuffed the envelope not with bills but with worthless chirashi (flyers), outraging the girl, who then went to enlist police help, claiming “I was tricked”.

An arrest soon followed, with the hapless john being charged with child prostitution related offences. He mourned his arrest thus: “I wanted to get close to a younger girl. I didn’t have the money so I just stuffed paper in the envelope”.

The girl of course faces no charges, although it seems unlikely she will get her money.

Via Itai News.

Cases such as this certainly suggest that it is very naïve indeed to consider these young prostitutes as blameless victims; punishing them as well as their patron might go some way to actually curbing the practice, if that is indeed what is desired…

School Girl Threesome Arrest

Schoolgirl Threesome

A man (then 25) who had group sex with a pair of thirteen-year-old elementary schoolers, for the princely sum of ¥20,000 (for both), has been arrested on suspicion of a child prostitution offence.

Police found that the man, a dispatch worker, spent the night with the girls at a local love hotel, knowing that they were under eighteen, and promising them ¥20,000… We do not hear the details of this particular ménage a trois.

However, the offence took place in May of last year, which leaves open some interesting questions about either the speed of the investigation, or the quality of the evidence.

Via CTV.

There was an interesting comment made on the story: “What about these girls who have sex with guys for money and then turn round and report them to police?”

The response came: “Because they have no consciousness of being prostitutes.”

Seeing how so many of these cases seem to turn out, I can’t help but wonder whether treating these young ladies as universally being virginal innocents victimised by lolicon, even when they obviously sought out many customers, in some cases for the purposes of extortion or swindling, isn’t part of the problem.

Man Cuts Off Penis With Scissors After Break-up

A man took a pair of scissors and snipped off his own member after a falling out with his girlfriend. As he attempted to preserve it for posterity, doctors later managed to sew it back on.

After an argument with his girlfriend over her not moving in with him, he returned home and there cut off his manhood, apparently as he wished to be done with women entirely.

The man (37) was found bleeding on the floor, and was soon conveyed to hospital. Doctors, having discovered that, for some reason even he cannot explain, he had put his severed penis on ice, then managed to reattach the member. It is not clear whether the self-castrator will regain full use of the unwanted appendage, or indeed whether he is happy about still having it.

Police explain the failed eunuch’s situation: “He told us that apparently he did not need his penis since his girlfriend didn’t want to move in with him – after two broken marriages, he said he wanted to have nothing in common with women.”

Regarding his mysterious refrigeration of his lost manhood, police have this to say: “This was one wise thing that he did, if we can at all speak about wisdom in a situation like that.”

Via Heaven.

Russia actually has a long history of this sort of thing, thanks to the extensive activities of the Christian cult of the Skoptsy, whose members would cut off their genitals and breasts in order to rid themselves of temptation…

Sorry for not posting the link... Like I said, the site is not appropriate enough to link.

[rasoforos]

link


This is what happens when you replace the chap that checks attendance sheets once a month with an expensive and sophisticated computer system...

[Major Robert Dump]

link


This is what happens when you replace the chap that checks attendance sheets once a month with an expensive and sophisticated computer system...

So she is allowed at the prom now?

[InsaneApache]

So she is allowed at the prom now?

That's a grave question. Only if she's bury good.

[naut]

So she is allowed at the prom now?

Well, with a bit of make-up and a nice dress I'm sure she'd be drop-dead gorgeous.

[Lemur]

A word of unasked-for advice:

Newspapers and news sites don't necessarily host their stories forever. Things get moved, archived, etcetera. I know this because once a year I read back through the entire News of the Weird, just to savor how much awful goodness we've amassed in these hallowed halls.

Anyway, when you post nothing but a link and "hilarious!" it's 99% likely that the post will make no sense in a year or two. Do everyone a favor and pull out enough text or graphics to make the weirdness clear to someone who doesn't click the link.

This is not a command. This is a prophecy.

[Lemur]

Bad fish cause "sexual pain"

Food poisoning typically causes nausea, vomiting, and similar symptoms. However, in a small North Carolina outbreak linked to fish consumption, six out of seven people reported sexual pain along with other more common symptoms of food poisoning, according to a report released Thursday by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). [...]

Unlike other types of food poisoning, CFP can cause neurological symptoms, such as the reversal of hot and cold sensations, fatigue, and itching and tingling, in addition to typical gastrointestinal symptoms like nausea, vomiting, cramps, and diarrhea. Sexual pain is generally not considered to be a symptom of CFP. [...]

Six out of seven people who were sexually active said they had painful intercourse as a symptom of CFP. Two men reported painful ejaculation, and four women described a burning sensation during and after intercourse.

[CountArach]

This art is really crappy:

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

GARDAí are on the hunt for an anonymous prankster who hung a nude portrait of Taoiseach Brian Cowen in the hallowed halls of the National Gallery.

The still unidentified renegade artist, (since identified as 35 year old Conor Casby) had painted Cowen as he was sitting on the loo with a roll of toilet paper in his hand. The painter's attempts at lifting the country's spirits certain#ly worked as dozens of visitors to the gallery last week were left chuckling at the unorthodox artwork.

One woman commented: "Well, at least that is one mess he has been able to clean up."

The bizarre prank began earlier this month when the artist calmly walked in the front entrance of the National Gallery carrying a shoulder bag.

He perused a number of rooms before making his way to the National Portrait Collection of the National Gallery, which features paintings of Ireland's most famous citizens.

The unidentified artist first stuck up a prepared caption for the artwork, which matched up exactly with the explanatory notes for the painting.

It read: "Brian Cowen, Politician, 1960-2008. This portrait, acquired uncommissioned by the National Gallery, celebrates one of the finest politicians produced by Ireland since the foundation of the state.

"Following a spell at the helm of the Department of Finance during a period of unprecedented prosperity, Brian Cowen inherited the office [of] Taoiseach in 2008.

"Balancing a public image that ranges from fantastically intelligent analytical thinker to big ignorant f**ker from Offaly, the Taoiseach proves to be a challenging subject to represent."

He then went on to hang the portrait of Cowen, sitting naked with a roll of toilet paper in his hand. The unflattering picture hung for over an hour and hundreds of patrons of the gallery passed it believing it to be a genuine part of the collection.

The National Portraits Collection consists of around 50 paintings of famous Irish people including modern celebrities such as Bono and Gay Byrne along with historical figures like Michael Collins and William Butler Yeats.

When the prank painting was spotted by security staff, they immediately took it down and brought it to the attention of gallery management. Gardaí from nearby Pearse Street station were called to the scene where they examined the portrait and CCTV footage.

Bemused officers told management, however, that it was unlikely the rogue artist had committed any type of criminal offence.

It later emerged that the mystery painter had hung a second nude portrait of Cowen holding only a pair of y-fronts in the nearby RHA Gallery on Saturday afternoon.

A National Gallery source said: "It wasn't a question of having vandalised or damaged any of the paint#ings, just adding another one to the collection.

"It was obviously something that had been planned for a long time as the frame of the painting and the caption had been matched closely to portraits already there."

A statement from the National Gallery said: "The gallery does not allow unauthorised displays. One can only surmise that it was an action by someone seeking to use the gallery for self-promotion or other reasons."

[Lemur]

So this bobcat walks into a bar ...

COTTONWOOD – A bobcat was on the loose inside an Arizona bar. The bobcat in the bar caused a panic Tuesday night in Cottonwood near Sedona. [...]

One patron tells 3TV, “I was sitting in the back and watched the bobcat run in.”

That bobcat caught patrons off guard, causing some to jump on pool tables and grab pool sticks before pulling their cell phone cameras out for pictures. Another patron explains, “My friend got down with his camera phone and the cat jumped up and hit him in the face.”

Kyle Hicks is now undergoing treatment for rabies. He tells 3TV the bobcat, “Scratched up my face and pretty good the back of my ears.”

Another patron had his leg scratched by the sick wild animal while trying to get out of its way.

[Major Robert Dump]

ShamWOW guy arrested for beating up a prostitute:

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive...7092sham1.html

[Marshal Murat]

ShamWOW guy arrested for beating up a prostitute:

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive...7092sham1.html

SHAMPOW!

[Marshal Murat]

So this bobcat walks into a bar ...

COTTONWOOD – A bobcat was on the loose inside an Arizona bar. The bobcat in the bar caused a panic Tuesday night in Cottonwood near Sedona. [...]

One patron tells 3TV, “I was sitting in the back and watched the bobcat run in.”

That bobcat caught patrons off guard, causing some to jump on pool tables and grab pool sticks before pulling their cell phone cameras out for pictures. Another patron explains, “My friend got down with his camera phone and the cat jumped up and hit him in the face.”

Kyle Hicks is now undergoing treatment for rabies. He tells 3TV the bobcat, “Scratched up my face and pretty good the back of my ears.”

Another patron had his leg scratched by the sick wild animal while trying to get out of its way.

Now if only one of the patrons had a gun, this wouldn't have happened.