News of the Weird

[Rhyfelwyr]

The Suppository of All Wisdom

As Abbott stood among the Liberal party faithful in Melbourne, glancing from side to side and surveying those loyally assembled, he let rip with a malapropism to rival even those of the infamously tongue-tied former US president George W Bush. "No one," said Abbott, "however smart, however well-educated, however experienced … is the suppository of all wisdom."

[Vladimir]

The Suppository of All Wisdom

As Abbott stood among the Liberal party faithful in Melbourne, glancing from side to side and surveying those loyally assembled, he let rip with a malapropism to rival even those of the infamously tongue-tied former US president George W Bush. "No one," said Abbott, "however smart, however well-educated, however experienced … is the suppository of all wisdom."

Could have been intentional, given that he was referring to those with their head up their .

[naut]

It's all fun and games until he's your global leader and representative... Welp!

Unfortunately Vlad, that man is not capable of wordplay (some would say independent thought.)

[Vladimir]

Lemur goes after a dirty man: http://bigfootevidence.blogspot.com/...-felt.html?m=1

[Vladimir]

Oops.

[Lemur]

Colorado man confesses to raccoon revenge killing: ‘All raccoons must die!’



A 50-year-old Colorado man has reportedly confessed to authorities that he attacked a pair of raccoons in a bid for revenge for the death of his cat years ago.

KCNC-TV reported on Tuesday that Richard Moller told police he suffered a 10-minute “glitch” of anger on Monday that caused him to jump into a trash bin and use a piece of wood to hit the animals. He also reportedly said to officers that did not intend to use the nails protuding from the board to stab them, but instead wanted to cause “blunt force trauma.”

Though Moller faces two counts of felony animal cruelty, one of his co-workers at a Boulder, Colorado liquor store defended his character to KCNC, saying he was well-liked by customers.

“He’s a good person,” Moller’s unidentified colleague told KCNC. “I just hope this doesn’t get missed in all of this, ’cause he really is a good guy.”

The Boulder Daily Camera reported that one of the raccoons was found dead in the bin, while the other ran away injured. According to court records, Moller told a witness during the attack that “all raccoons must die” before fleeing the scene.

[Fragony]

Raccoon's are pretty vicious, they look cute but they really aren't. Cat doesn't stand a chance, happens a lot that raccons attack pets. I'd also kill them if they entered my garden

[Lemur]

Couple arrested for taking phrase 'shacking up' too literally



A South Carolina couple was arrested yesterday for having sex inside a display shed at a Home Depot, police report.

Emily Craig, 20, and Shaun Bowden, 31, were nabbed after cops were called to the store in North Charleston around 8:40 AM.

Officers were dispatched to the business “in reference to an male and female entering a display shed on the property, closing the door behind themselves and remaining inside,” according to a North Charleston Police Department report.

An inspection of the outdoor sheds turned up Craig and Bowden. Craig, cops noted, was “partially clothed; the top of her dress was untied, hanging at her waist.” Bowden was shirtless and “had his pants down near his knees; his penis was exposed.”

During subsequent questioning of the duo, “it became apparent that they were engaged in sexual intercourse within the shed.”

[InsaneApache]

A terrified teenage couple were confronted by armed police on their first holiday abroad - over a row about dirty hand towels.

Francesca Stefanyszyn, 17, and her boyfriend Ged Sykes, 18, were checking out of their five-star hotel in Krakow, Poland, when staff demanded £41 to pay for the towels, which were lightly marked with mud.

The young couple, who were on holiday earlier this month for Ged’s 18th birthday, said the situation escalated when they had no money to pay for them and staff called two 'burly' armed police officers who demanded their passports.


Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...#ixzz2dSyF3Xhy
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...nd-towels.html

What's weird about this story?

Believe it or not, that good looking lass is my ex-wifes youngest daughter. A really lovely kid who delighted an old(ish) man (me) by dancing with him at my youngest sons 30th birthday party last November.

That's the weird bit!

[Fragony]

I'd do h-

Wait.

Ripped off on a holiday, happens to everyone. You are just too amazed when it happens so you go with it and don't make a fuzz

[InsaneApache]

I' do h-

Wait.

She is a looker isn't she? Just like her mum at that age.

[Fragony]

She is a looker isn't she? Just like her mum at that age.

Yeah she is, shamelesly nerdy and packed with attitude

[Lemur]

Men fight duel in balloons over 1800s France, only two people killed

[Rhyfelwyr]

First Hasselhoff takes down Communism, and now James Blunt prevents World War III.

"Singer James Blunt has told the BBC how he refused an order to attack Russian troops when he was a British soldier in Kosovo. Blunt said he was willing to risk a court martial by rejecting the order from a US General.

But he was backed by British Gen Sir Mike Jackson, who said: "I'm not going to have my soldiers be responsible for starting World War III.""

[Lemur]

Hot teenage girl karate excorcists—the Org should buy up the film rights NOW



Brynne Larson and Tess and Savannah Scherkenback are all-American girls from Arizona, who enjoy martial arts and horse riding. But something sets them apart from most teenagers - they perform public exorcisms and often appear on TV chat shows.

Eighteen-year-old Brynne met sisters Tess and Savannah about eight years ago at a karate class.

"We just really hit it off," says Savannah, aged 21. "I don't know what happens but somehow you bond when you're punching one another and throwing knees. We were working out together, learning how to fight and how to defend ourselves and defend others."

The girls are now karate black belts, but because of their particular Christian beliefs, they have also decided to do battle, they say, against evil spirits or demons. [...]

The girls have been trained by Brynne's father, the Rev Bob Larson, who says he has performed over 15,000 exorcisms. They have appeared alongside him in America and overseas, including the UK.

"Every single country has a specific kind of demon," says Tess, 18, who loves music and reading.

The girls believe that the UK in particular is a hotbed for "witchcraft" because of the popularity of J K Rowling's Harry Potter books.

"The spells and things that you're reading in the Harry Potter books, those aren't just something that are made up, those are actual spells. Those are things that came from witchcraft books," says Tess.

[AntiDamascus]

I'm trying to come up with a crappy pun regarding "sweep the leg" and a witch's broom but I got nothing :(

[Fragony]

Let jezus you comes kinda naturally given the subject

[Beskar]

Houston, we have a frog problem

trained on something else.

It was a remote camera activated by sound that caught a now-famous frog in mid-air Sept. 6 as a rocket blasted off to send a robotic orbiter to the moon, said Keith Koehler, news chief at the Wallops Flight Facility on Wallops Island in eastern Virginia.

The camera, about 150 feet from the launch pad, was activated by the sound of the liftoff and took a sequence of eight or nine photos.

One of those photos included a frog, no doubt surprised to be airborne, backlit by the rocket's glare.

"It's a real photo and a real frog," said Jason Townsend, NASA's deputy social media manager.

Thanks to the Internet, the photo quickly went viral, giving the Lunar Atmosphere and Dust Environment Explorer (LADEE) spacecraft more exposure than it might have attracted otherwise.

"It was an absolutely incredible moment to see something like that go viral," Townsend said Friday by phone from Washington. "It was one of those outtake moments - a great way to continue to share about the launch."

Asked about the frog's fate, Koehler said, "We have no idea."

[Lemur]

Discussion of Kant’s philosophy ends in gunfire



MOSCOW — An argument in southern Russia over philosopher Immanuel Kant, the author of “Critique of Pure Reason,” devolved into pure mayhem when one debater shot the other.

A police spokeswoman in Rostov-on Don, Viktoria Safarova, said two men in their 20s were discussing Kant as they stood in line to buy beer at a small store on Sunday. The discussion deteriorated into a fistfight and one participant pulled out a small nonlethal pistol and fired repeatedly. [...]

It was not clear which of Kant’s ideas may have triggered the violence.

[AntiDamascus]

Sounds like things got out of Kantrol

[Ronin]

obviously they are not big fans of each other's existentialism.

[Lemur]

One-toothed man bites off another fella's Johnson



A nearly toothless British man bit off his neighbor's penis after the two quarreled about loud music.

Jason Martin, 41, used his one remaining fang to chomp down on Richard Henderson's manhood "like it was a sandwich" after being asked to turn his Xbox volume down.

So much force was used during the brutal attack at his Dover, Kent, home that his 39-year-old's member was severed off.

"My willy was not attached to the rest of my body … I have never experienced that kind of pain to this day and I don't want to experience it ever again," Henderson, who has had it stitched back on, said.

[Tellos Athenaios]

Well it's a good thing the aggressor fits the poor dental stereotype of Britain. Imagine the horrors he would have inflicted with a full set in prime condition.

[Lemur]

Public Masturbation Declared Legal in Sweden After Landmark Trial



Sweden is now "okay" with public masturbation. On June 6, a 65-year-old man took off his shorts at a beach near Stockholm and began masturbating into the ocean. The man was charged with sexual assault, but was acquitted last week after a judge ruled he was not targeting a specific person.

Even though the Södertörn District Court's judgment stated it “may be proven that the man exposed himself and masturbated on this occasion,” the court decided the man had not committed a crime, a decision the public prosecutor agreed with, though he said in the future public masturbation might be considered disorderly conduct.

"For this to be a criminal offence it's required that the sexual molestation was directed towards one or more people," Olof Vrethammar said. "I think the court's judgement is reasonable. With that we can conclude that it is okay to masturbate on the beach."

The ruling in the case comes just three months after Sweden's last major sex scandal, when police in Stockholm announced that a man who [has sex with] bicycles was on the loose.

[rvg]

/headdesk

[AntiDamascus]

/headdesk

That's legal now too.

[Fragony]

Amazing. A drastic decline of crime in Eastern-Europe. I wonder why.

[Lemur]

Apocalypse Timeshares



A company called Terra Vivos is building underground timeshare communities "built to withstand a 50-megaton nuclear blast 10 miles away, 450mph winds, a magnitude-10 earthquake, 10 days of 1,250°F surface fires, and three weeks beneath any flood." Asteroids, nuclear war or angels with trumpets—you'll survive them all trapped with neighbors under a mountain.

It's a modern-day Noah's ark for the nuclear generation. It will house thousands of DNA samples and withstand a 20 megaton nuclear blast. Today, you can secure your space in this Kansas-based survivalist community shelter for only $25,000. It's called Terra Vivos, and it's the world's largest doomsday timeshare.

The shelter is located 50-150ft below the Missouri River bluffs, in part of a former limestone mine, known as the Atchison Storage Facility. This facility served as a secure bunker complex for the U.S. government since World War 2 up until 2013, when the company behind the Vivos Survival Shelter and Resort acquired a large portion of the 2.7 million sq. ft. underground storage facility. The Vivos shelters will also come with their very own "Cryovaults" that will house "reproductive gamete cells and DNA of humans and animals for a potential re-population of the Earth."

Here's how the Vivos Group is marketing their Doomsday timeshares:

People are sensing that a global life-changing event is just ahead. The governments of the world have been bunkering up for decades. What do they know? Why is nobody telling you to prepare? Obviously, to avoid a mass panic. What is your plan? Will your family be victims, or survivors in one of our shelters. The accepted solution to most of the threat scenarios is to find underground shelter. The soil of the Earth itself can provide the best shelter for most catastrophes, including a pole shift, super volcano eruptions, solar flares, earthquakes, asteroids, tsunamis, nuclear attack, bio terrorism, chemical warfare and even widespread social anarchy. The governments of the world have been busy building vast underground shelter complexes for the elite. What do they know? The rest of us are on our own, without a long-term survival solution.

[Beskar]

Time Headline across the world - September 16th

[Beskar]

Venezuela seizes toilet paper factory to avoid shortage

The National Guard has taken control of the plant, and officers will monitor production and distribution.

Earlier this year officials ordered millions of toilet rolls to be imported to counter a chronic shortage.

Last week President Nicolas Maduro created a special committee to tackle the problem, which the government blames on unscrupulous traders.

The government ordered the temporary occupation of the Manpa plant in the northern state of Aragua, state-run Radio AVN reported.

In a tweet on Thursday, Venezuela's Vice President, Jorge Arreaza, said authorities would "not permit hoarding of essential commodities, or any faults in the production and distribution process."

The Minister of Trade, Alexander Fleming, said the factory occupation complied with Venezuelan law.