Court of the Caliph: BC Hotseat Council Thread

[00jebus]

The shah would unfortunitally not agree to serve as a neutral arbitor, as he feels his own personal feelings towards offers would have an effect on his neutrality during negotiations;

he would suggest arbitration is done by someone who has no border with either party, nor any prior memories of the turks, such as the Rajput Maharaja or Omani King.

[Ferret]

you would let the matters of honourable muslims be settled by a hindu! This is blasphemy, let the Omans do it, at least they follow the right faith.

[Ramses II CP]

The Maharaja feels it would be unwise to associate himself with a potential agreement which he would have no power to enforce or monitor. Any aggreived party might then tar the greater Rajput empire with the same brush as the treacherous member of the treaty.

The Maharaja has communicated to me that he greatly hopes a peaceful solution can be found.

[Askthepizzaguy]

If the Omans wish to arbitrate the dispute, I have no objections.

Do the Seljuk Turks object?

[The Lemongate]

A small man of Greek descent enters the room. It is oubvious by his demeanor that he is a Roman, but he is far less elegant then the ambassador whose seat has lain empty for the past few weeks.


Having heard of the bickerings of this court, the Roman ambassador has sent me to warn the assembled powers that the armies of Rome are on the march to quell felony in rebelious city states and vassals. We strongly suggest all foreign powers to stay clear of our way as Roman courage and virtue shall see us victorious. Distant powers should take care of their own lands before seeking to interfere in territories that have always belonged to eternal Rome. Furthermore, I shall sit in this council and relay any message of importance to our ambassador until such a time as he judges his presence here is necessary and the insults made to Rome by the islamic Basil have been washed away by time.


The messanger sits in the chair left empty weeks earlier by the Roman ambassador.

[Askthepizzaguy]

If the messenger from the Roman empire would clarify which rebel provinces he means to possess, perhaps the Turkish people will be willing to come to a peaceful arrangement. However, the Sultan of Rum requires some lands of his own, for the living space of the Sultan's people has become crowded and encroached upon by potential invaders.

Shall we divide the rebel provinces among us, like civilized peoples?

I await your honourable reply, emissary of the great Roman people.

[The Lemongate]

The Roman People have already refrained from demanding the return of lands from Ikonion (Konya) to Theodosiopolis (Erzurum)! You should slake your thirst for land outside Anatolikon! Go east, in Greater Armenia or Syria and deal with the heathens there! We have armies besieging Dorylaion, Amorion, Sinopa and soon Heracleia and we shall not divvy them up with any contenders.

[Askthepizzaguy]

You dare insult us after we have generously offered peace between our peoples and mutual cooperation?

This is most intolerable. Unless you offer a sincere apology to the peoples of Rum for your outrageous comments, I feel we have no choice but to suspend negotiations.

Let history record that your imperial ambitions and unfriendly words lead to your downfall, decadent empire of the Romans.

[The Lemongate]

If you take facts for insults, then not even Roman education and culture will save you from a literary armageddon. You asked for a list rebellious cities Rome is besieging, we complied. Western Anatolikon is under the aegis of the Basileos of Rome. If you seek lands that answer to no master, only the East is open to you. But if you wish for war, then know that the western cities of Anatolikon shall be guarded by roman arms and valor.

This matter is in your hands, Turk. We have already declared our intentions, only your motives remain nebulous. If history is of any council, all people, be they children of Christ or followers of Muhammad, should have reasons to doubt your peaceful intentions. The very cities you call home have been the heart of Roman civilization for centuries! Ikonion, Kaesarea Kappadokeia, Sebasteia, Ankyra! And yet we do not threaten you for their return. Do not threaten us for more land that is rightly ours. And do not lecture us on history. Rome has stood for over a thousand years! You have a chance to prove history that the Turks know of peace and prosperity as much as they know of scourge and war.


May God enlighten your judgement. In your short stay at this council, you have stoked many old rivalries. Ambition and vision are worthy qualities when tempered with wisdom and moderation.

[00jebus]

I would like to point out that for nearly 600 of those years, Roma has not been under control of the Romani.....

though we do support the romans claims on the cities they are already beseiging, since they are, in fact beseiging them and no party here had an allaince with those city states

[The Lemongate]

To correct the noble delegate of the Khwarezm Shah, it has been a little over 400 years since the Exarchate was abolished in Italia. However, in his great wisdom, Konstantinos had a New Rome built which now bears his name. The Empire has endured much, but Eternal Rome shall never fall.

[Askthepizzaguy]

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

If you take facts for insults, then not even Roman education and culture will save you from a literary armageddon. You asked for a list rebellious cities Rome is besieging, we complied. Western Anatolikon is under the aegis of the Basileos of Rome. If you seek lands that answer to no master, only the East is open to you. But if you wish for war, then know that the western cities of Anatolikon shall be guarded by roman arms and valor.

This matter is in your hands, Turk. We have already declared our intentions, only your motives remain nebulous. If history is of any council, all people, be they children of Christ or followers of Muhammad, should have reasons to doubt your peaceful intentions. The very cities you call home have been the heart of Roman civilization for centuries! Ikonion, Kaesarea Kappadokeia, Sebasteia, Ankyra! And yet we do not threaten you for their return. Do not threaten us for more land that is rightly ours. And do not lecture us on history. Rome has stood for over a thousand years! You have a chance to prove history that the Turks know of peace and prosperity as much as they know of scourge and war.


May God enlighten your judgement. In your short stay at this council, you have stoked many old rivalries. Ambition and vision are worthy qualities when tempered with wisdom and moderation.

I can tolerate your claim on our lands no longer. The Turkish people will not stand idly by while you continue to insult us.

If you sincerely wish these lands to be yours, then you must strip them from our cold, dead hands. In the meantime, I would remind you that ROME has been split into a great many pieces, and all that remains of your backward and hateful people is a small remnant of one of Rome's provinces. Your empire reeks of death, and you will not gain new life by declaring war on all your neighbors.

Unlike yourself, the Turkish people have attempted to make friends with those around us. Your belligerence, arrogance, and condescension have weakened your position, not strengthened it.

When the last of the Roman empire has finally fallen, and you bow to the might of the Sultan's armies, I will hear your apology. Perhaps then we will have peace, and you may remain as some small vassal state of our glorious nation. In the meantime I would like to assure the nations of Armenia and Georgia that I have no intention of invading your lands, as I must quickly dispatch these Roman fools. With your help, and Allah's will, we will come together as civilized nations and push back the imperial power of former Rome, and finally be safe from her tyranny.

Join me, my friends, in the name of peace. Let us stop this warlike faction before they destroy us all!

[barcamartin]

Not even bothering to stand, the Seljuk emissary adresses the court.

' Just the fact that the pityful Turks are calling upon foreign powers to settle a dispute that is between them and us, the rightful owners of their lands, shows their weakness. The Sultan would wish other Muslim and Christain nations alike to leave this affair in the hands of those rightfully ivolved, that is the outlaw Turks and us, the Great Seljuks. '

With a sigh he leans back in his chair and just stares menacingly at the Turk.

[Askthepizzaguy]

Again the Sultan of Rum is threatened by a dead and dying empire, this time from the East.

Will you Imperialists never learn? People seek freedom and enlightenment, not slavery and war. In the name of all that is righteous and good about this world, I will never surrender to the likes of you treacherous dogs. When the great Turkish people are once again united, I will personally see to it that your Sultan begs forgiveness from each and every person he once threatened, and throws himself before the mercy of the Caliph of Islam, and Allah the Most Righteous.

I cannot abide by the threats and insults of belligerent powers, especially from traitors to Islam.

You have territory and arms now, but if you continue to alienate your neighbors, they will unite and pick your nation apart piece by piece.

[The Lemongate]

We have wished you peace and prosperity even though you stand on our soil.

We have listened to your claims even as you threatened us and have exposed our position in a most courteous manner.

We have even offered you a solution where our two peoples could have coexisted.

Yet you consistently pursued war at all turns. You are a disgrace to your people and an insult to this council. You are a weak nation, surrounded by enemies of all faiths and you act as a childish brat who has been denied his afternoon meal.

I have to report to the ambassador at once. The next time we meet, Turk, it will be in Ikonion and you will be in a cage.


Adressing the Caliph


You are judge of this council and may make of this mess what you will. We had warned you that war was inevitable in Anatolikon and now it is upon us. I pray you see our efforts to reach peace, though futile it may have been.

Alea jacta est!


The Roman exits the court, hurrying to the ambassador's residence.

[Askthepizzaguy]

One might snicker at the insane words of the Roman ambassador, as he both threatens the Caliph and appeals to his wisdom in the same breath.

I might also point out that while our overtures of peace have been genuine, the "solution" you offered us was nothing more than a threat to stay within the borders of our nation while you greedily gobbled up those provinces who wisely threw off the yoke of your oppression.

I have not persued war at all turns. As a matter of fact, I have persued nothing but peace amongst all my neighbors. Armenia, Georgia, and Jerusalem can attest to that. And when I approached you with an offer of peace I was met with insults and ridiculous claims to our land by your dying empire. One might think the once mighty Roman empire might have been humbled by it's almost total collapse, but instead they still speak as if they rule the world.

I would appeal to the Caliph (unlike the Roman ambassador I have been respectful of his wisdom and the other members of this council) that he might condemn the hostile actions of the Roman Imperialists.

I sought only peaceful relations with my neighbors, only to be slapped in the face by not one, but two decadent empires. If either nation TRULY wanted peace, they would NOT behave with such belligerence.

The Roman doubletalk about peace is fooling no one. I will hear no more of it.

[Zim]

As the bickering between the two Turkish emmisaries and the Roman one died down the Ghazni representative chuckled to himself. He was beginning to suspect that all the factions to the west were incapable of peace, but only time would tell for sure.

I would like to announce that the Sultane of Ghazni and Maharaj of the Rajputs have signed a treaty. It will be known as the Treaty of Pindhi as that is where their diplomats met to discuss it. It includes a trade deal, non agression pact, among the resolution of certain other issues.

[rossahh]

The Ambassador from Jerusalem picks at his fingernails as he listens to the Seljuks and the Turks argue back and forth. He mutters to his delagation, "Why don't just go and fight it out instead of wasting our time?"

[phonicsmonkey]

The Vizier stands

The Caliph welcomes the Sultan of the Rum Turks to his court, and wishes him well.

The Caliph would urge all of the peoples of Anatolia to set aside foolish pride and ancient grievances and work together, as the Ghaznavids, Rajputs and many of the others of this chamber have done, to proceed peacefully and reasonably without threats and counter-threats of war.

There is enough land and riches in Asia Minor to support a number of nations - let not the prosperity of all be threatened by the greed and belligerence of a few.

[Askthepizzaguy]

The honourable delegate from the Sultanate of Rum stands and sings the Caliph's praises.

Yes, let there be no more threats of war! In the name of Allah the Most Merciful and all that is Holy, we should set our differences aside.

The Sultanate of Rum is hereby prepared to mediate all our differences with the Eastern Romans. In fact, I have personally decided* to disband two great armies and send the foolish generals to drown in some nameless sea.

As for the rest of us, we are content to sit at home and practice our needlepoint. I've already quilted a great banner of peace, knitted the Romans some very nice little mittens to keep their hands warm while they slaughter us, and sewn together some very nice ladies' unmentionables to wear while I am out on the battlefield not killing things. We shall be known as a nation of arts and crafts, flag burning, and herb smoking. And furthermore, we have established many ineffectual left-wing reformist movements, such as the People's Front of Turkey, the Turkish People's Front, and the Popular Front of Turkey. I will personally see to it that all the evil weapons of the Turkish Sultanate will be thrown into a great big bonfire and we will all merrily sing

Kumbaya, my Allah, kumbaya
Kumbaya, my Allah, kumbaya
Kumbaya, my Allah, kumbaya
O Allah, kumbaya

______________________
Just then the honourable delegate's assistant drags him off of the floor, saying that the honourable delegate has just had a bit too much Rum.

[rossahh]

Bored with the present debate, the ambassador leans back in his uncomfortable chair, given to him by the Vizier for some cruel purpose no doubt, and casually inquires:

While you celebrate peace by burning your weapons, would it not be better for all if the Romans would crash your party and end this pointless dispute in one fell strike?


Perhaps the slaughter of your people, a fate that awaits all Muslims who wish to deny Christianity to their lands, will reduce your candor?


in an undertone
Then again, given the Turkish Sultan's record for frivolity, perhaps not...



to the court
We in the Levant will watch with no more than idle curiosity as Anatolia rebalances itself while we show the true path to the Christians in the north who refuse to kneel before the King of Jerusalem, beginning first with "Prince" Bohemund in Antioch.

[barcamartin]

Feeling no need to add to the discussion, the head Seljuk emissary once more leaves the council. This time, there is no other Seljuk representative left in the room.

[00jebus]

The shah of khwarezm would like to hear an explanation of what "left wing" means.... is the sultan of Rum suggesting that his Sultanate is a bird of some kind?



OOC: 11/12th century Islamic kingdoms...... I doubt modern political terms could be used to describe politics of the day

[Askthepizzaguy]

OOC- A joke, mighty Shah.

Praise Jebus.

[Banzai Kamikaze]

The large Ayyubid emissary rises from his chair

"Praise be to Salah Al-Din. He has listened to Allah, and has seen how the Muslims must unite and end this bickering between the Turks and the Seljuks.

Salah al-Din wonders whether the Seljuks' advance towards the Turks is in the name of Allah, or for their own purposes. He has consulted twenty illustrious imams who all agree with him: may Allah forgive the Seljuks, as their nation is destined to a forgettable doom should they march towards Anatolia. Allah himself will strike down any Seljuk army marching west.

However, should you ask for his infinite forgiveness, he will greet you back in his family.

Looking towards Jerusalem's ambassador

Jerusalem's words sound quite threatening.

You would do well to clarify your statement, as we wonder whether King Baldwen is insulting Islam. Christians are free to practice their religion in our lands, as Muhammad preaches tolerance.

The Ayyubids would like the Jerusalem ambassador to rephrase his comment about the slaughter of all Muslim peoples.

[phonicsmonkey]

The Vizier claps his hands and a slave dashes over to the ambassador of the King of Jerusalem and changes his chair for an even less comfortable one.

The Caliph would second that appeal - the King of Jerusalem's man should withdraw his threats of slaughter.

Such language has no place at a peaceful gathering such as this.

[Askthepizzaguy]

The honourable ambassador of the Sultan of Rum would speak again before this august body, having recovered from the alcohol poisoning perpetrated upon him by Roman instigators.

Indeed, great nation of the Seljuk, please turn back your armies. You attack the peace loving nation of Georgia, and also threaten us with talk of reconquest. The slaughter of Muslim brothers is against Allah's will.

Indeed, the senseless slaughter of Christians is not Allah's will either. Let us begin peace talks.

As for the less honourable delegate from the Eastern Roman Empire, the Sultan has decided upon a peace deal which may interest you. The alternative is a response to your power-grabbing in Anatolia.

If you do wish peace, as you have repeatedly professed, let us have honourable discussions in good faith. We lose nothing in the attempt at peace, and we have much to gain from avoiding war.

[rossahh]

Your ears must be deceiving you Saracen. If you say that Christians are free to practise their faith in Muslim lands, then, according to my earlier announcement, there is no problem.

[Askthepizzaguy]

Honoured nation of Jerusalem, we also wish to offer diplomatic solutions to the coming crisis in the Levant.

Please refrain from expanding further north, as the nation of Armenia is no threat to you and a trade partner of the Rum Turks.

[rossahh]

"The coming crises in the Levant?"

There are but two nations in the Levant, the Kingdom of Jerusalem and the Sultanate of Salahuddin Ayyubid, and both are at peace, and it shall remain that way as long as the Sultan and the King wish it, Turk.


By your statment, do the Turks mean to foster war amongst their neighbors so that they may rise from the ashes of others? Jerusalem will move north against it's wayward vassel of Antioch, and the Christian settlements of Aleppo and Edessa, before the Muslims can purge them. Armenia has made no claims on these lands, so I do not forsee any possibility of war between Jerusalem and Armenia within the near future.

Dictating to others what that can and cannot do is a way to start war, Turk, and if you do truely wish for peace in Anatolia, I suggest you remember that next time you speak.