Various minor things

[I Am Herenow]

Here are some fairly minor mistakes/inconsistencies that I have noticed whilst playing EB 1.1. I will update the list as I go along - each 'wave' of reports simply constitutes everything I've found between one update of this post and another, and is simply designed to make it easier to see when I update the thread; the waves are not organised in any way.

Please note that although I try to use quotes accurately throughout ("double quotes" for something from the game or for something that should be put in it and 'single quotes' for everything else), the highlighting I use is only approximate, so just use your common sense.

Latest wave of reports: Wave 9

Wave 1

A)


i) That "2" does not seem to mean anything - presumably, it should not be there?

B) 1)


i) I assume that "Tarentum" and "Taras" are the Latin and Greek names respectively for the same town? Nevertheless, could this be made clearer? Note, also, that the Greek, rather than the Latin, name is used in B) 2), which seems somewhat inconsistent.

B) 2)


C)


i) In this battle, I was playing as the Romani and was capturing an Eleutheroi town. Why, then, should a timer have started for the Eleutheroi?
ii) Is there any way to stop the Family Member's portrait from being so grainy during battles?

D)


i) I think that it should read "This man requested...", in order to fit in with other trait descriptions.


E)


i) Could another term be used, other than "green" (e.g. "inexperienced")? It just seems to me that "green" is a rather modern and informal term and therefore not entirely appropriate.
ii) A description is missing here, presumably?

F)


i) Is this the type of Eleutheroi who are attacking you? Could this message be rewritten or the order of its component parts rearranged so that it makes more sense grammatically (assuming it is not hardcoded)?

G)


i) Rather too informal? What about "Livy describes the land as 'divisvs' (iv. 51, v.30) to express..."?
ii) Could you add a metric equivalent?

Wave 2

A)


i) That should say "Roman". From now on, corrections will simply be in quotes with no explanation unless it is necessary. Suggestions and improvements to tone or style rather than spelling corrections will be followed by '(?)'. Changes that I am unsure of will be followed by '?'.
ii) "have"(?)
iii) "watchman,"
iv) "the bands of brigands that roam the countryside [OWTTE]" / "bands of brigands"
v) "by"
vi) Remove the word "the" in all three cases: it gives the text a more appropriate tone (?)
vii) Remove (?)
viii) "The reign of Augustus"
ix) "like" (?)
x) "Empire's"

B)


i) The word 'Sweboz' is spelt with two different sets of accents here - is that meant to be the case?
ii) "unless one is in [...] or one is a member" [OWTTE]

C)


i) "See"; i.e. capitalise the "s"; and remove the space before the word "see"

D)


i) No matter how you hover over this trait, it does not show up in its entirety and so cannot be read.

E)



i) Should there not be a trade bonus?
ii) This should not be capitalised, unless it is an official term?

F)



i) "Acclimatise" / "get the people of these lands to accept Roman rule" / "~ to become accustomed to Roman rule"?
ii) What does that mean? The province will run out of soldiers? It will supply too many? It will miss government targets for a while? This should be rephrased to make it clearer (NB "exhaustive" vs. "exhausted").

G)


i) "are, at best,"

H)


i) These words should not be capitalised - if "High Intelligence" etc. is actually an EB proper noun, I recommend that you change that state of affairs.
ii) "hitpoints"
iii) "the 'Hale and Hearty' trait" ?

I)




i) When only one unit is recruited during a turn, their image does not show up.

J)


i) [Ignore - this has been answered already.]
ii) "practise"
iii) "partially independent" / "semi-independent"
iv) Eh? "in their service"?
v) "who are equipped" [OWTTE] (?)
vi) "the" / "our"
vii) "Roman territory" / "territory controlled by Rome"

K)


i) "Both nature and war flourish"
ii) "refuge"
iii) "by"
iv) "baking"
v) "It is now that most work is done on the farms,"
vi) 'Year in History' messages appear at the start of the second season, and not at the start of the first season, of a year.

L)


i) Wasn't this "Lusotannan" at some point?

M)


i) "manoeuvre"
ii) "the Republic's"
iii) "of"

N)


i) "Season(s)" should not be capitalised, which it is in the second case.

O)


i) "due to": more appropriate tone (?)

P)


i) Wouldn't the 'War!!' message be more appropriate, seeing as the Romani took Messana and broke the treaty, meaning that they are the aggressors here?
Edit: If the message for war breaking out is indeed still entitled 'War!!', then the second exclamation mark should be removed.
ii) "our swords"
iii) "the liars' guts" / "their guts". Also, consider changing to "We should kill them all!" [OWTTE], as the current sentence is rather too informal (?)

Q)






i) For some reason, all units' unit cards have stopped being displayed in my cmapaign. I'm not sure whether this is only a bug with my installation, or a 'global' 1.1 bug.

R)


i) Remove (?)
ii) "that is, in [...] and not in a community area"
iii) "The production of small weapons"
iv) "Smiths' workshops" ? / "smithies" (anachronistic?)
v) Does that mean "units that are traditionally considered to be elite are available..." or "traditionally, one is able to recruit elite units in..."? Rephrase to make it clear.
vi) "the further (travelled) from traditional homeland regions one is," / "the further from traditional homeland regions one goes"
vii) "smallest number" / "least number"
viii) "in"

S)


i) "all - but"
ii) "impose curfews" / "put curfews in place"
iii) Remove
iv) "carrying arms"
v) "carry out a survey of" [OWTTE]
vi) "people's"

T)


i) "conquest: "
ii) The first letters of those phrases should not be capitalised, unless they are official terms, in which case "cities" should also be capitalised?
iii) "when the Senate asked for them" / "when the Senate requested them"
iv) "governors"
v) "in their" / "within their"
vi) "province: "
vii) "proconsul"
viii) "and" / "but [...] banditry must take place in order to re-establish [...] stability"
ix) "that should"

U)


i) "the building": improved tone (?)
ii) Remove
iii) "and"
iv) "this is only"

V)


i) "490th"
ii) "to be" ?
iii) Confused - rephrase. Consider "against the Qarthadastim and Syrakousians, then going on to defeat the Syrakousians, and later the Qarthadastim, in battle."
iv) "Soldiers are sent from Roma"

W)


i) "it is"
ii) "wines, oil and iron tools"
iii) Just the one line break is needed?
iv) Should the past tense not be used in this paragraph, as it describes historical examples and other such paragraphs are in the past tense? Hence, "It was", "the right [...] was given", "ran".
v) Move this phrase so that it starts directly after the word "customs" (?)
vi) Informal - "type"?

X)


i) "taken"
ii) Remove
iii) Informal - "treasure" / "wealth" / "gold"?
iv) What??

Y)


i) "either by a [...] or by the"

Z)


i) "However, the Romani fail"
ii) "defeated by Hannibal, made to 'pass under the yoke' and returned (to Roma)."
iii) "'driving the nail'." Also, please elaborate.

AA)


i) "the Far East" ?

AB)


i) "ancient times"
ii) "spear and bow" / "spears and bows"
iii) "use" / "employ"
iv) "used to" / "good at" / "proficient at"
v) "are unlikely"
vi) "last"
vii) "melee" / "a melee fight"
viii) ". Their courage also leaves something to be desired." [OWTTE]. Also, a new paragraph is needed before "Historically".
ix) Replace with semicolons
x) "were organised"
xi) "which were (in turn) organised"
xii) "the import"

AC)


i) "flat roofs which were accessible by ladders and"
ii) "to"
iii) "due to (the presence of)" (?)
iv) "for"

AD)


i) "the faction" - better tone (?)
ii) "the right" - better tone (?)

AE)


i) "Roman medicine [...]" / "A Medicus has (been introduced to) / (set up residence in) [OWTTE] this town. Roman medicine [...]"
ii) "over"
iii) "that Rome fought in" / "that Rome took part in" / "that Rome waged"
iv) "and (they (also))"
v) "travellers"
vi) "Rome. They also aided [...]"
vii) "Roman citizens"
viii) Remove

AF)


i) Missing description / expansion needed?


AG)


i) "a"
ii) "taken"
iii) ...then what? This sentence does not make grammatical sense and needs to be rephrased. Do you mean "if there is [...] path available, then it can be carried out."?

Wave 3

A)
Please download and watch the following video:

http://www.savefile.com/files/1547956

i) As you can see, one of the replies the unit gives when it is selected is of poor sound quality.

Edit: playing thorugh my campaign, I have noticed that many units' responses malfunction in a similar way.

[bovi]

A
Actually the "rebellion only" number does mean something. It's the experience level of the apeleutheroi that you can't recruit . We use that to entice the AI to upgrade its barracks even though it doesn't get any immediate benefit from the next level.

B
Dunno.

C
When using timed battles, the defending side gets a timer for when it will win as the time limit approaches. I think the grainy portrait cannot be helped except by running at a lower resolution.

D
True. But I don't think we'll spend much energy on these minor style differences.

E
Quite possible that we should use another term, and ones specific for each faction wouldn't hurt. But again, probably not something we'll spend time on. I don't see what's wrong about the Autumn trait description.

F
Yes, it's the type of eleutheroi. I don't know if we can change the sentence structure, I'll have a look.

G
Dunno.

[I Am Herenow]

[1]A
Actually the "rebellion only" number does mean something. It's the experience level of the apeleutheroi that you can't recruit . We use that to entice the AI to upgrade its barracks even though it doesn't get any immediate benefit from the next level.

Fair enough

Edit: what about rewriting that description to something like "Apeleutheroi (Rebellion only; experience level 3)"?

When using timed battles, the defending side gets a timer for when it will win as the time limit approaches. I think the grainy portrait cannot be helped except by running at a lower resolution.

Oh, that makes sense. I'll have a look at changing the resolution.

[1]D
True. But I don't think we'll spend much energy on these minor style differences.

[1]E
Quite possible that we should use another term, and ones specific for each faction wouldn't hurt. But again, probably not something we'll spend time on. I don't see what's wrong about the Autumn trait description.

If you're fed up of EBI, you can just implement these changes for EBII, but I don't think you should ignore them altogether.

As for the Autumn description, other descriptions of seasons have more information about how it's the season for sleeping/partying/whatever.

[I Am Herenow]

You guys getting all this? Is it worth me continuing posting these reports, would you say?

[bovi]

I don't know about anyone else, but I've been unable to visit the forums much for a bit over a week. Please continue reporting things.

[I Am Herenow]

OK, here's Wave 4 (I couldn't add it to the first post as it turns out you're limited to 50 images per post).

Wave 4

A)





i) These dead soldiers (their unit card is highlighted) appear to be floating in mid-air!


B)



i) Clumsy - remove "at this time" or rephrase.
ii) Remove
iii) I think I have mentioned this before - is it supposed to be "Sardin", or is it supposed to be "Sardinia" or something similar?
iv) "In"
v) "(Carthaginian) sallying army" [OWTTE]
vi) "in Agrigentum" (?)


C)


i) Is a Latin word ending appropriate here?
ii) "twenty thousand"
iii) "four thousand"
iv) "and included" [OWTTE] (?)
v) "the size and importance of the city they were in, as well as the level of threat which was felt by the city / city's citizens" [OWTTE]. Also consider changing "in response to" to "according to".
vi) A rather confusing word order here. "however" is supposed to be the first word of the second clause, but the sentence could be read in such a way as to have the word "however" be the last word of the first clause. Consider "These facilities were still largely used to accommodate contingency troops, levies and mercenaries in almost every [Carthaginian] town which had a garrison. However, the [Carthaginians] were not so foolish as to entrust their capital city to foreign soldiers alone."
vii) "capital"
viii) "to arm" / "to arm citizen troops up"
ix) "Mercenary War" ?
x) "These cavalry troops were not only made up of (Carthaginian) and Punic citizens but also of Liby..."


D)


i) "has"
ii) "creativity" - consider rephrasing the whole sentence
iii) Remove
iv) "in"
v) 'Building' etc. sound too much like references to in-game, rather than real-life, processes (something which you do not want if describing the building's historical role, and which still seems to break the fourth wall if describing the buildings uses in-game). Consider "The civil servants based in the Armon HaMosel were responsible for planning and overseeing the construction and repair of buildings, and the recruitment and retraining of troops in their province." (assuming that's true)
vi) What does that mean? Do you mean "elected officials" ?


E)


i) "unwelcome"
ii) "much resistance" [OWTTE]
iii) "At"
iv) Remove or rephrase to make the meaning clear. Do you mean "as the enemy ready their siege equipment, as long as they do not have an artillery train with them."?
v) "easy to breach"
vi) "will not [...] did not" - please change such words throughout.


F)


i) "has always been one of" [OWTTE] (?)
ii) Which means what precisely? Clarification needed.
iii) 'upon which' should be "where"
iv) "practised"
v) Rephrase
vi) Change 'takes a pressing form' to "is very important" ?
vii) "for"


G)


i) Do you really mean 'amazing structures' or, instead, 'structures which were monuments'? If it is the latter, change 'monumental structures' to "monuments" / "religious buildings".
ii) "all the"
iii) "it houses"
iv) "people"
v) "over"
vi) Where is the contradiction? Consider "This small island also contains the..." / "On this small island, there are also the..."
vii) Strange word choice - it suggests dinosaurs to me, personally. Consider "there is (also) a large number of temple ruins / ruined temples".
viii) "are" / "all (of them) were"
ix) "cooperated"
x) "century BC" (?)
xi) "towards"


H)


i) "(and) not in the hands of its"
ii) "for all"
iii) "Rome's" / "Roman"
iv) "appeal to the masses / populace in order to further their political careers"
v) Should this trait increase the chance of being appointed to some senatorial positions?


I)


i) "Whilst a" / "While a"
ii) "available,"
iii) Remove
iv) "380s"
v) Remove
vi) "philosophers."
vii) "such,"
viii) "by"
ix) Too informal? Consider "by these (two) men who were considered by many to be the founders of classical thought / to be the two greatest / most influential classical thinkers / teachers of classical thought"
x) "Consequently," / "Unsurprisingly, (then,)"
xi) "throughout"
xii) "educational system"
xiii) This sentence does not make sense, as it is trying to say two contradictory things at once. Either not all Romans saw Hellenisation as a good thing, which resulted in Greek philosophers being thrown out of Rome, or some Romans thought it was a bad thing and so expelled Greek philosophers, but not all Romans thought it was a bad thing. The following sentence suggests the former. Also, the loaded language ('encroachment' etc.) may need to be removed or the words changed depending on what you change that sentence to mean.
xiv) "Despite this,"
xv) The meaning is unclear here - do you mean "the traditional Roman practice / Roman tradition of educating children at home"?
xvi) "in Rome, although"
xvii) Clumsy - rephrase. Consdier "although it was still preferred for aspiring Roman civil servants / politicans or lawyers to finish their education in a Greek school"
xviii) The tone has suddenly changed here from that of an encyclopedia to that of an advertisement. Consider "mastery of these subjects prepared young men (well) for participating..." [OWTTE].
xix) "case"
xx) "The only literature studied in Rome was Greek literature; indeed, the first great work of Latin literature is considered to be Virgil's Aeneid, which was published at the start of the first century AD in an unfinished form and after the author's death."
xxi) "( (that / which were) studied) included"
xxii) "...audience, and new plays began to be written (that / which were) specifically for / aimed specifically at Romans, albeit usually by Greek playwrights."
xxiii) "the subject of literature" / "the literature course" [OWTTE] (?)
xxiv) "inspired by the Hellenistic school of rhetoric" / "taught in a Hellenistic style" / "taught by Greeks" ?
xxv) Remove
xxvi) "Greek, which was considered to be the language of the intellectuals / aristocracy" (?)
xxvii) "as well as literature" / "as well as the study of literature"
xxviii) "skill taught"
xxix) "speeches" (?)
xxx) "Its"
xxxi) "involved both"
xxxii) Consider changing 'theory and practice' to "theoretical and practical elements" ?
xxxiii) "watched by"
xxxiv) "As well as declamation there was" / "After declamation came"
xxxv) ""svasoriae", the art of arguing one's case (in court)"
xxxvi) "the art of debating where debates were" / "a debate which was" ?
xxxvii) "which"
xxxviii) "practise"
xxxix) "to succeed" / "to be successful"
xxxx) "a quick mind" / "a sharp mind" (?)
xxxxi) "Twelve"
xxxxii) "civil law"
xxxxiii) "introduced" / "enforced" ?
xxxxiv) "College"!
xxxxv) "Republic,"
xxxxvi) "education on the Roman legal system / Roman law, only an experienced lawyer or juror could provide an in-depth legal education."
xxxxvii) "education,"
xxxxviii) "influence on Roman education / on the Roman educational system"
xxxxix) Does this mean that Hellenic influence made Romans study these subjects less than they had been doing beforehand, or did it actually make them start studying these subjects which they had not been studying at all previously? Clarification is required.
l) Informal - remove or rephrase.
li) "preoccupation" - also, why is 'unhealthy' in quotes; does it need to be?


J)


i) "Hellenic"
ii) "over the course of the 5th century BC"
iii) "(almost) as a testament to"
iv) Remove
v) "in the first century BC,"
vi) "who / which was housed in the temple could be"
vii) "which Greeks [and/or] Romans considered to be the source and essence of life." [OWTTE]
viii) "Most of"
ix) "that is,"
x) What does that mean here? Consider using a different word.
xi) "gold by the sun's rays."


K)


i) "after"
ii) Two different tenses used here - consider replacing 'went' with "goes" ?
iii) Move so that it is between 'then' and 'driven'.
iv) "and so is" / "and is then" (?)
v) "lands,"


L)


i) Some black pixels can be seen around the ship.


M)


i) "Gens" ? Also, add "the" before "gens / Gens" in the second instance?
ii) Replace 'It is a subject of rumours' with "It is rumoured"
iii) "descends from"
iv) Remove
v) "exercised rather too"
vi) "are not"
vii) "This man serves up [...] impress his guests"


N)


i) Clumsy - consider rephrasing or removing 'at this time'.
ii) "by the name of Ardoates gives"
iii) His program of what? Expansion needed.
iv) "scholar" ?
v) [Ignore]
vi) Remove
vii) "have"
viii) "Hannibal, but"


O)


i) "skilful"
ii) "can" ?


P)


i) "once before" / "once previously"
ii) Remove
iii) Move so that it is after "Seleukeia".
iv) "is inconclusive" / "ends with no clear outcome" [OWTTE].

[Megas Methuselah]

The "floating" dead soldiers are an old problem from vanilla RTW. I doubt anything can be done about it. And yes, there are a considerable number of spelling errors. This is probably the result of some EB member staying up all night drinking coffee in an attempt to finish the game on time so we could play it. I don't mind, so long as the words are understandable.

[I Am Herenow]

Wave 5

A)

Download and watch the following video:

http://www.mediafire.com/?mt5mctyz1zj

i) As you can see, soldiers temporarily become darker when they have been knocked to the ground, although this does not happen, it seems, when they have been killed. A picture of my EB set-up is below:

[bovi]

Oh dear. That's a lot of stuff. Thanks again for posting all this, and I'll try my hardest to at least answer waves 2 and 3 by the next weekend. Please give me a boot by PM if I haven't responded by saturday.

[JRG]

On Wave 1 M "maneuver" is spelled correctly, or at least in American English.
I know British English uses many "re's" as opposed to "er's" so that's probably the problem there.

[Bereg]

Wave 2.

For some reason, all units' unit cards have stopped being displayed in my cmapaign. I'm not sure whether this is only a bug with my installation, or a 'global' 1.1 bug.

This is a lack of virtual memory on the drive, on which you've installed EB. Just restart your pc and/or increase it. 2-4 GB should be enough for 3-4 hours of play.

[I Am Herenow]

Oh dear. That's a lot of stuff. Thanks again for posting all this, and I'll try my hardest to at least answer waves 2 and 3 by the next weekend. Please give me a boot by PM if I haven't responded by saturday.

Right-o; Waves 3 and 5 are nice and short and so should not take too long to look at.

Seeing as the new fix is not retroactive, I'll have to abandon my Romani campaign and so I'll probably start one with Hayasdan (nice and far away from the Romani geographically) and have a look at what their spelling is like.

On Wave 1 M "maneuver" is spelled correctly, or at least in American English.
I know British English uses many "re's" as opposed to "er's" so that's probably the problem there.

Well, I don't speak American, so I wouldn't know. I know that the official policy is to leave American/British spelling as it is in descriptions, so that is what I try to do, and so if I've posted a correction like that, then it's only because I thought the original word was actually spelt wrong. If it turns out that it was just written in American, then my apologies.

Wave 2.

This is a lack of virtual memory on the drive, on which you've installed EB. Just restart your pc and/or increase it. 2-4 GB should be enough for 3-4 hours of play.

Weird - I have 4GB RAM, how much do you need?!

[Tellos Athenaios]

Virtual memory. That's not the same as how much RAM (phyiscal) memory you have.

I suggest accept the missing cards instead of messing with the limits of virtual memory. It would seem easy to rack that up really high, but it'll actually decrease performance and/or cause other problems. And it may not work to solve the problem... Far as I know it's something to leave up to the OS to decide on.

[I Am Herenow]

Virtual memory. That's not the same as how much RAM (phyiscal) memory you have.

I suggest accept the missing cards instead of messing with the limits of virtual memory. It would seem easy to rack that up really high, but it'll actually decrease performance and/or cause other problems. And it may not work to solve the problem... Far as I know it's something to leave up to the OS to decide on.

Right, I see. I'm not particularly good at messing around with my computer so I think I'll only too happily take your advice of leaving my PC alone .

In other news, here's Wave 6:

A)


i) There should be a space in between the two words (I did say this would be for minor things!). Also consider changing "EB" to "Europa Barbarorum" in all cases - it would just give the mod a more professional feel, in my opinion. Lastly, why doesn't the EB Trivial Script have the same icon as the other EB-related programs; could this also be changed?

B)


i) Bear in mind that 6) B) is from my newest install, unlike 6) A), and that I did not install the RV when installing 1.1 this time round, but downloaded and installed it separately from the website. I could not find the Recruitment Viewer at all on the 'Uninstall or change a program' list with my first install (when I installed it with the rest of EB 1.1), but found it here this time. It should be renamed "Europa Barbarorum Recruitment Viewer", I feel, so that it is placed near the other EB-related programs when one sorts them by name (which is the most common choice, I would say).
ii) See 6) A) i).

[I Am Herenow]

Wave 7

Please note that these are the last reports from my last pre-Client ruler potential fix 1.1 RTW Romani campaign.

A)


i) Here you can see an Eleutheroi army composed of both Camillan and Polybian units in what I believe was still the Camillan era. I had not seen this from the very beginning of the campaign, but rather only at this point. Presumably armies with such make-ups should not exist.


B)


i) This Carthaginian government building was not damaged when I took the city from the Carthaginians as the Romani. However, when I think back on that battle, I may well have loaded the save game from the battle screen and so may not have yet activated the script after taking the city. Nevertheless, I thought that I should post this in case I had indeed activated the script and this is consequently a bug.


C)


i) "this man's", ala 1) D) i).


D)


i) Not strictly a bug, but this unit card looks rather strange in my opinion as so much of it (i.e. the horse's head and the soldier's shield) is cut off and cannot be seen. Could it be redrawn to look more like the unit card on the bottom right?


E)


i) Is there a typo here? The word does not look right somehow (e.g. are the "a" and the "e" the wrong way round, perhaps?).
ii) Inappropriate tone? Consider "However, young men who spend too much time here may acquire...". Also, note that 'Decimus', not 'Decimvs', is used.
iii) "horrevm" ?
iv) "which can"
v) "a coastal area of this province"
vi) Move so that it is after "State".
vii) "provide us with"
viii) "is"
ix) "a minimal / very small / very limited selection of local troops and buildings". Also, should it not be "factional" / "our (own)", rather than "local"?

F)


i) Despite being a client ruler, this character does not appear to have any movement point restrictions.

G)


i) An appropriate picture is missing here.
ii) Eh? Do you mean "With the construction of this building (complex) in this settlement, it is clear that the government is endorsing the practice of medicine / medical research [see 7) G) iii)] to a greater degree" [OWTTE]?
iii) This is somewhat confusing. Is this building

1. A hospital of some shape?

2. A place for training new doctors?
3. A place for existing doctors to research new medicines / surgical methods / etc.?
4. A combination of the above (and if so, which combination, exactly)?

Whatever the building is supposed to be, it needs to be made clearer. From what I gather, it appears to serve roles 2 and 3 only, but the entire description should be rewritten so as to make the building's role clearer, I would say.

H)


i) One of my client rulers has got an Interloper trait here. Please note that this is from my old Romani campaign and consequently before applying the last 1.1 fix, and if this is the problem that the fix was addressing, this report can be ignored. If the fix was not about solving this problem, then this may be worth a look.


I)


i) After capturing this city as the Romani, I saw that some clearly Gallic buildings were classed as "Western Greek".

[Ludens]

Wave 7

[ex]
Please note that these are the last reports from my last pre-Client ruler potential fix 1.1 RTW Romani campaign.

A)


i) Here you can see an Eleutheroi army composed of both Camillan and Polybian units in what I believe was still the Camillan era. I had not seen this from the very beginning of the campaign, but rather only at this point. Presumably armies with such make-ups should not exist.

The scripted reforms can only affect local recruitment, not brigand appearance. Roman brigands will remain a mixture of Camillian and Polybian units throughout the campaign.

[I Am Herenow]

The scripted reforms can only affect local recruitment, not brigand appearance. Roman brigands will remain a mixture of Camillian and Polybian units throughout the campaign.

I see, that's quite unfortunate. Nothing that can be done, I suppose, unless you make Roman brigands all Samnites or something?

In other news...

Wave 8

These are the various screenshots that I took during my time playing ALEX EB and after installing the Client ruler potential fix. The descriptions etc. are all the same, but I am telling you this just in case some of the bugs here are ALEX bugs. During my stint playing on the ALEX.EXE engine, I started campaigns as the Hayasdan and Pahlava before realising that I was, ahem, not that good and could not really win any battles. As my command console seems to have vanished in RTW - no amount of keyboard-mashing would make the stupid thing appear - I had to abandon both campaigns in quick succession and started one as Baktria. Things were going swimmingly until I started getting a lot of battle CTDs and decided to do a full reinstall of EB and just play normal 1.1 (with all fixes installed, of course) next time. Thus, expect Wave 9 to be my RTW 1.1 Baktria reports. Anyway, without further ado:

A) [Start of Hayasdan campaign]


i) This is evidently quoted from somewhere, but the source of this quote needs to be established earlier. We are only told where the quote comes from in the third paragraph, and really, I would suggest that the description began "As it says on [Document x], 'By the will[...]'". Moreover, the fact that this is a quote is problematic as it limits the amount of leeway that we have with the words, and thus may not make 8) A) ii - iv) possible. Would it be possible to remove the quotes and just paraphrase the inscription (e.g. "[Document x] warns people that damaging the canal / document will lead to their disappearing off the face of the earth.")? Also, I do not feel that this paragraph should be the first one - the description should start with the second paragraph and this one should be placed somewhere later on in the description.
ii) The tone here is rather odd, especially with the second sentence of the description where it becomes a bit Curious Incident. Consider "has built this, the Menua Canal, named after Menua, King of Biaina[...], who speaks in the name [...]".
iii) The tone in this section is very odd; indeed, the only thing similar to it that I can think of is an English translation of the Qur'an. Perhaps this was the desired effect, but nevertheless, could the effect not be toned down a little here?
iv) This sounds very odd - consider "make him disappear off the face of the earth". The only other English phrase that is similar to that one that I can think of is "put him where the sun doesn't shine", but I hardly think that's appropriate here!
v) "called the" / "known as the" (?)
vi) Watch your tone / POV here - remove.
vii) "foothills"
viii) "modern-day"
ix) Remove and also possibly replace "travelling" with "a journey of".
x) Awkward, esp. use of "and". Consider "provided an extensive region of Urartu with water,".
xi) This does not quite make sense - are you suggesting that its utility stopped it from drying up / being destroyed? Are you trying to say that the length of time for which it has stood is a testament to its fine construction?
xii) ", as it is now known / called,"
xiii) Rephrase. The only words I can think of that would fit that exact sentence would be "commissioned", although that sounds somewhat anachronistic, and "ordered", which might work, assuming the sentence would actually be historically correct then.
xiv) "on"
xv) Clumsy - rephrase. Consider "According to the inscription, King Menua built [...]" / "As the inscription says, King Menua built [...]". However, this sentence needs to be moved closer to the inscription itself (see 8) A) i)).
xvi) Replace "the lands around Van and the great city itself" with "the city of Van and the surrounding countryside" [OWTTE].
xvii) "canal (which served this type of role [OWTTE]). Many had"
xviii) Remove
xix) Move so that the clause (inc. both commas) is directly after "regions".
xx) "wage war against their"
xxi) "of" ? Rephrase.
xxii) "a name used only later" [OWTTE]
xxiii) Is this also a direct quote from someone or is it something the author invented which was in keeping with the other quotes? I just get a sense that it was the latter, for some reason. The author of each quote should either be made clear (e.g. "As Mr X once said, Shamiram-su was 'the queen among canals'.") or, better still, the sentence should be rephrased and the tone, which is currently quite biased in favour of the Hayasdan people in this sentence, made more neutral.
xxiv) "water flows through / along the canal [...] and the canal would"
xxv) "as well as" - more formal tone (?)
xxvi) Informal tone - consider rephrasing. Consider simply putting "[he designed many gardens] in a Babylonian style / in an attempt to replicate the Gardens of Babylon." (assuming that's true).
xxvii) and xxviii) Clumsy - rephrase. Consider "The city of Van and the canal of Menua on which the city relied (greatly enriched the surrounding region and) allowed trade to flourish and the population to multiply." (if that is what you meant). I would lean towards removing the phrase about 'greatly enriching the region' as it does not really mean anything, or at least would rather it were rephrased and expanded upon.


B)



i) "king. He" / "king: he"
ii) "smallest (possible) amount of"
iii) "central ruling" ?
iv) This does not make sense and needs to be rephrased. A word is missing somewhere, I think, and depending on which additional word you insert where, several different sentences, in effect, can be achieved. Either you mean that "for / with local governors, corruption and sentiments for independence can be fomented" (Yoda syntax - if that was the intended meaning, I would rephrase it again anyway), or, in fact, keeping the current words you mean that "local governors can foment corruption and sentiments for independence" (again, Yoda syntax and very unclear - needs to be rephrased). Consider "[...] having unloyal local governors in charge of your [provinces / satrapies / whatever] can lead to corruption and rebellion".
v) "king"
vi) "kings"

vii) "any"
viii) "a ruler / governor [OWTTE] who is more loyal to"
ix) Repetition - remove / rephrase. Consider "[...] and Empire under whose rule the level of law and order may well improve."
x) This only really suggests that the person is stationed in the city, not that he is in charge. Consider "However, being ruled by someone who has no connection with his people, and the disruption [...]".
xi) "no connection with" (but also see 8) B) x)).
xii) [Ignore]
xiii) "for them to attempt to overthrow the government / to attempt a rebellion / revolt." [OWTTE]

C)


i) This phrase does not really make sense - either "The blood of Yervand I [...] flows through this man's veins / body" or "This man is of the house of Yervand I [...]" [OWTTE].
ii) Are the Enligsh names what you wanted here? EB usually opts for something a little more exotic. Also, note that you spelt it "Macedonions", so that will need to be corrected either way.
iii) "who, as kings" / "who, during their reigns" ?
iv) "Hellenic"
v) Clumsy - rephrase. Consider "predominantly cavalry-based armies of Hayasdan" / "armies of Hayasdan which consist predominantly of cavalry".


D)


i) "of winter" (?)
ii) Too Christmassy - consider "signs of the fertility of the land can be seen everywhere" [OWTTE].
iii) "because of" / "due to"
iv) "both Hayasdan's soldiers and citizens"
v) "another" ?

E)


i) "season", ala 2) N) i). Although that would be correct if you intended it to be in title case, I still think that "season" should not have a capital 'S' to avoid confusion.
Edit: on second thoughts, it might actually look nicer in title case! Anyway, your call.


F)


i) "paths, they"
ii) "trade caravans"
iii) "speeding up their journeys and thus maximising profit" [OWTTE]
iv) "help armies move faster / further" [OWTTE]
v) Needs clarification - will they be able to better protect themselves, armies, trade caravans? Expansion is needed here.
vi) "Asia; emulate"


G)


i) Clumsy - rephrase. Consider "An underhand throw is the best method for releasing a stone from a sling."
ii) "at speeds in"
iii) "well-trained"
iv) This implies animation - rephrase. Consider "hit the enemy".
v) Replace "came from" with "were made up of".
vi) Use the past tense.
vii) "saw a stray animal"
viii) "they herded it back towards the flock using their sling."
ix) "wool with" (?)
x) "its range" / "its range would be"

H)


i) Awkward - rephrase. Consider "They should be whipped / lashed for their cowardice!" / "~ than being lashed!".


I)


i) Awkward - rephrase. Although 'majority' can mean what it means here, it still sounds odd and is not really used, I wouldn't say. A similar example would be the word 'without' meaning 'outside of' - you just wouldn't say 'the enemy was without the castle walls' because it would sound confusing. Thus, replace the phrase with "its son's / this boy's / this young man's coming of age".


J)


i) "Our men have gallantly captured this building!" (?)


K)


i) Sounds odd - consider "spinelessness" [OWTTE]?
ii) Inappropriate tone, esp. last sentence?


L) [Start of Pahlava campaign]


i) "of them"
ii) "cost(s)"
iii) "the position / location of watering holes" [OWTTE]
iv) "likely to pass" [OWTTE]
v) Ambiguous - rephrase. Do you mean "a less nomadic state", "less treacherous countryside" or something else?
vi) "be" / "serve as" (?)


M)



i) Er...? Please note that this might well be an ALEX EB bug.

Edit: I've noticed the same thing in my subsequent EB 1.1 RTW campaign, so this might be worth looking into.





N)


i) This does not make sense - rephrase.
ii) "they are"
iii) Confusing - rephrase. Consider "a desire / an inclination [OWTTE] to construct defences" ?
iv) "for use in (the construction of) fortifications"
v) "by taking basic steps" (i.e. also remove the comma)
vi) Inappropriate tone? Consider removing the word "random".
vii) "along the perimeter" [OWTTE]
viii) Awkward - rephrase. Consider "improve the settlement's / town's defence / defensive capability."


O)


i) Inappropriate tone - consider "somewhat".
ii) Awkward - rephrase. Consider "The men have been told to 'keep a stiff upper lip' [...]".
iii) "Rationing"


P) [Start of Baktria campaign]


i) "long-distance" ?
ii) Remove
iii) Inappropriate tone - rephrase or remove. I would remove the sentence (as well as the word "But" in the next sentence) as it seems rather risky to me to include an account of how poor the player's faction is always going to be in a building description when the player is almost certainly going to start raking in the cash pretty early on in their campaign - indeed, being told that you are incapable of conducting trade will look all the stranger if you had already built about ten of these in your empire before reading the description of the eleventh.
iv) "may increase in size" (?)
v) Again, as with 8) P) iii), this information is only definitely going to be valid at the start of the campaign and these buildings (and consequently their descriptions) need to last the whole campaign, so I would remove this sentence.


Q)


i) Expansion / elaboration is needed here as to what exactly the 'umbrella design' is.
ii) "himself, so"
iii) "something which was possibly encouraged by" (?)
iv) "stone-faced" / "a round chamber faced with stone"
v) "'burial mound',"
vi) Confusing - rephrase. Why should these two features, which are, at first glance, at least, completely unrelated, contradict each other? And what, precisely, does "lined" mean here?
vii) Remove
viii) "led to"
ix) "generally that of a spired dome within a base", although that does not make much sense and needs elaboration / expansion on.
x) "Though Buddhists in India were the first to actively use / build [OWTTE] stupas,"
xi) "early"
xii) Remove
xiii) "its" in all three cases
xiv) Confusing - rephrase. Did the stupas house the religious offerings of the ancestors of the faithful, thus helping the faithful see how wonderful their ancestors were, or did they house their artwork, or were the stupa buildings themselves the advertisements for the past masters?

R)


i) "started expensive"
ii) "over"
iii) Remove the comma. The second section that is highlighted green (it should be a separate section but I suppose I was tired) is awkwardly phrased and needs to be rephrased. Consider "Baktria - Zoroaster himself spent his entire life in Baktra - was [...]".
iv) "Far East"
v) "western" ?
vi) Clumsy - rephrase. Consider "its great craftsmanship" or simply "its beauty".

vii) "image, her"
viii) "were soon" / "soon became"


S)


i) Clumsy - rephrase. Consider "armoured cavalry / cavalrymen [the latter may be anachronistic] armed with spears".
ii) "levy units" / "levy soldiers" ?
iii) "other, better-trained"
iv) "weapons:"
v) "two metre-long"
vi) A what? Elaboration / expansion needed.

[Watchman]

...far as I can see a better part of the expressions are perfectly correct you know. The English language lends itself to some rather peculiar forms, and quite a few of those you've listed as needing correction I know from other sources to be perfectly legit. Plus then there's the funny way for example American and British English disagree on the ordering of letters inside words (eg. seige/siege)...

For example, 8 O: ii) "the levy" or just "levy" is a perfectly acceptable general term. Historians speak of "the feudal levy", for example. In iv) the simple comma is far as I can tell quite appropriate. In v) "an 8' spear" is a perfectly valid formulation (if one uses Imperial measurements; in metric it'd be something like "a 2.1 meter spear"), and while in vi) "an infantry composite bow" might indeed be slightly clearer, "a composite foot bow" strikes me as perfectly valid - scholars do talk about "foot archers" and "foot archery" just as happily as "infantry archers/archery", after all.

[I Am Herenow]

...far as I can see a better part of the expressions are perfectly correct you know. The English language lends itself to some rather peculiar forms, and quite a few of those you've listed as needing correction I know from other sources to be perfectly legit. Plus then there's the funny way for example American and British English disagree on the ordering of letters inside words (eg. seige/siege)...

For example, 8 O: ii) "the levy" or just "levy" is a perfectly acceptable general term. Historians speak of "the feudal levy", for example. In iv) the simple comma is far as I can tell quite appropriate. In v) "an 8' spear" is a perfectly valid formulation (if one uses Imperial measurements; in metric it'd be something like "a 2.1 meter spear"), and while in vi) "an infantry composite bow" might indeed be slightly clearer, "a composite foot bow" strikes me as perfectly valid - scholars do talk about "foot archers" and "foot archery" just as happily as "infantry archers/archery", after all.

I fully accept the fact that some of my corrections serve only to clarify the text (in my opinion), rather than correct mistakes. For instance, with the example of the foot bow, it is only from your additional explanation that I can deduce that is a bow used by infantry archers, rather than mounted archers; on its own, it looks like a bow fired using the feet - at least, it did to me when I first read that description.

[bovi]

Can't do more of them now, been spending a couple hours going through these ones. Perhaps next weekend.

Wave 1:
F) No, we can't control where the type of apeleutheroi is put in the sentence. If we were to change the sentence, it would look weird every time you were ambushed by non-eleutheroi instead.

Wave 2:

A) I rewrote it somewhat too:

Stationis Vigilum - Although many cities maintain their own watchmen, the Roman world knows no real police force, and travelling through the countryside is risky for small groups and single merchants. Bands of brigands (sometimes reinforced by escaped slaves) can become quite nasty, especially in times of economical crisis or after a bad harvest. Sometimes even concentrated actions by the army are needed to deal with them. One way to improve the overall public security is to establish a chain of guard posts along the major roads, at crossings, bridges and other important points. They are manned by detached soldiers and commanded by one of the governor's beneficiarii. Their duties are to protect traders, patrol the roads and keep brigands away. Historically, this kind of military police was established during the reign of Augustus, like so many others of the empire's institutions.

I don't see why "empire" should be written "Empire".

B) I don't know about that, Blitzkrieg would have to take a look at it.

I think the original wording is better than adding "one" there.

C) Done.

D) I don't think we can do anything about that. I'm not going to arbitrarily shorten it at least, but the Romani faction members might be able to.

E) I don't know, but I would think that this trade wasn't really profitable in itself, but gained acclimatization of the involved people to the Roman culture. Removed the capitalization.

F-G) New version:

(requires Homeland Government Resource)\n\nOur governance of Roman Italia shows that it takes time to fully acclimatize the people of these lands to Roman rule, but patient efforts are often well rewarded. After a period of indirect governance by a Roman magistrate (such as a praefectus or quaestor) we can integrate local economic and military functions with our own. This grants the region a more equal partnership in the federation of Italian states. Full suffrage may not be extended for some time, and the quotas of soldiers levied could also stay exhaustive for a while. However, the slow process of Romanization can only serve to benefit us, and therefore the region itself.\n\nSTRATEGY: This form of government is only available in regions comprising the faction's historical Homeland. It is slow to establish and allows the development of all available civic structures. The faction's best troops can be recruited here with appropriate support buildings, but regional auxiliaries are limited at best.

The exhaustive quotas of levied soldiers means that the region may be deprived of a suitable manpower, as a larger share of the population are taken into military service than in the regions that have obtained "near-equal" status, until it gets there.

H) Made them lowercase. I changed "gain additional hitpoints" to "be more resilient in combat". HaleAndHearty follows the same style as Brave and Bloodthirsty, IE the name of the trait line instead of specific traits under the line. Understanding this is not necessary to understand that the general can take more combat before dying, so I think it's fine.

I) Dunno.

J) Practice and practise are alternative spellings, and practise is only used in the Commonwealth (and then only as a verb) according to wiktionary. I think it's fine as practice.

Changed all occurences of "semi " with "semi-".

My understanding of "under arms" is the same as "at arms", IE equipped and ready to fight at any given time, as opposed to levies and other troops that are normally workmen but take up arms as needed.

New version:

Auxilia Copiis Regionis - Many of the native villagers and townspeople in these province follow their ancient traditions and practice skills useful for war, while several semi-independent tribes and communities exist along our borders and within the province itself. The local noblemen and magistrates have their own guards or small militias under arms (equipped in native fashion) and can organize the mobilisation of greater contingents if desired. In times of war and crisis they will be available to fight with our army against common enemies.\n\nThe less Romanised parts of the province and especially the fringes of Roman controlled territory are an extensive reservoir to raise a huge number of soldiers in a short time, to support the regular parts of our army in local campaigns. Native troops are mostly best suited to fight in local climate against well known neighbours and their tactics.\n\nHistorically, the auxilia of the republic and most numerus units of the later principate's army were irregular natively troops either levied or hired from subdued people and allied states. These units were mostly raised in the war zone or neighbouring provinces to give the roman army the necessary numbers and supply the legions with the indispensable additional cavalry and missile troops support, while the native infantry could relief the legionaries from second and third rate tasks.\n\nSTRATEGY: Factions have a greater chance of recruiting regional troops the further travelled from their traditional homeland regions. As a general rule, Type I governments will allow few (if any) regional troops for recruitment and Type IV governments beyond homeland regions will bear the most. This structure can be used by all members of the constructing faction's culture, and upon conquest may be repaired for immediate hiring of auxiliaries. If conquered by a faction from a different culture, the building is useless and should be destroyed.\n\nUsed By: Romani only.

K) Not sure about "on the sea", it could mean both "by the sea" and "at sea"... I'm inclined to go with your interpretation.

I believe there is a good (technical) reason why the YIH messages come in the second turn of a year, but i can't remember it.

New version:

Summer - Both nature and war are flourishing in these months, but the city suffers under the heat. Most senators and equites take refuge in their villas in the countryside or by the sea, where it is easier to enjoy life than in the baking streets of Roma. The majority of farming work has to be done at this time, and all hands are needed to harvest the crops. Even the great Latifundiae and Villae Rusticae have employed seasonal workers along with their slaves.

L) Dunno.

M) I don't think manoeuvre is any more precise spelling than maneuver. Also, it is not mutual recognition of the Carthies (we both recognize the Carthies), but with them of the treaties (we, both Romani and Punic, recognize the terms of these treaties). I replaced "the Republic's soldiers" with "our soldiers".

N) Decapitalized Season.

O) Lost the picture. What does this relate to?

P) Not really more appropriate, as usually the AI is doing exactly a betrayal. Additionally, I'm pretty sure they would twist the story so that the enemy did the betrayal anyway, as has been done in every conflict since ever. The whole message is informal, it is an outraged outburst. I think it's fine.

Q) I'd need some verification from others on this. They display fine in my game.

R) Rewrote to avoid the in-shot sentence. Don't see what's wrong with "Small weapons production", like arms production or rubber duck production. I think "smith workshops" is good and clear.

New version:

Every free born inhabitant of the Res Publica has the duty to serve as a soldier and fight the enemies of the Roman people if the Consuls' have need of them. Almost all greater settlements have a plain field outside the cities border that is mainly reserved for martial exercises, so that nobody is unprepared when they are called to arms. In these places, like Roma's Campus Martius, the citizens can do athletics or train directly for war while the equites have enough space for the Ludus Troiae and other cavalry games.\n\nOf course without other supporting infrastructure a city with a Campus Exercitationes alone will only be able to provide troops of the lowest classes. Their simple equipment can be made either by the conscripts themselves or by local craftsmen that normally only produce farming tools instead of weapons.\n\nThe legions of the Res Publica are only enrolled temporarily for specific wars or campaigns and their soldiers are send home thereafter. Although our citizens usually exercise together on the campus martius or similar fields in other cities, and prepare themselves for war, most conscripts receive their primary training in the field. Only the strict discipline in and the common life in the camp can turn farmers into soldiers. Every army contain a large number of veteran soldiers and experienced centurions, who have served the Res Publica in previous wars, that can drill the recruits and teach them the finer arts of individual combat. However after several decades without a major war these men can become rare and the Roman army will have to accept some initial setbacks and high casualties until it can reach it's old standards again.\n\nSTRATEGY: A faction's historically iconic troops are produced in this structure, and what was considered their elite units are available under the administration of Type I governments. "Factional troops" are much less common away from traditional homeland regions, with the fewest available in regions with Type IV governments. This structure can only be used by the faction which built it or factions with very similar cultures, and should be destroyed upon conquest if no troops are available for recruitment.\n\nUsed By: Romani only.

[I Am Herenow]

Alright, let's have a look-see. Looks good overall, but looking through your modified texts, I've spotted a couple of issues that either I'd missed the first time round or that have cropped up with the second draft. Edits / suggestions below.

Wave 2:

A) I rewrote it somewhat too:

Stationis Vigilum [Vigilvm ?] - Although many cities maintain their own watchmen, the Roman world knows no real police force, and travelling through the countryside is risky for small groups and single merchants. Bands of brigands (sometimes reinforced by escaped slaves) can become quite nasty, especially in times of economical crisis or after a bad harvest. Sometimes even concentrated actions by the army are needed to deal with them. One way to improve the overall public security is to establish a chain of guard posts along the major roads, at crossings, bridges and other important points. They are manned by detached [Still needs clarification, I feel] soldiers and commanded by one of the governor's beneficiarii. Their duties are to protect traders, patrol the roads and keep brigands away. Historically, this kind of military police was established during the reign of Augustus, like so many others of the Empire's institutions.

I don't see why "empire" should be written "Empire".

It's short for "Roman Empire's", as far as I can tell, which is a proper noun. Cf. "John wanted to be a king all his life, and his wish came true when he was eighteen years old and was crowned King John."

B) I don't know about that, Blitzkrieg would have to take a look at it.

Right-o. I have no idea myself, incidentally, but just spotted what appeared to be an inconsistency and so flagged it up.

I think the original wording is better than adding "one" there.

As you wish.

D) I don't think we can do anything about that. I'm not going to arbitrarily shorten it at least, but the Romani faction members might be able to.

Fair enough - condensing it does seem the most reasonable approach (for EBI, at least - Kingdoms might not have this problem) as you won't be able to read some of it at all otherwise.

F-G) New version:

(Requires Homeland Government Resource)\n\nOur governance of Roman Italia shows that it takes time to fully acclimatize the people of these lands to Roman rule, but patient efforts are often well rewarded. After a period of indirect governance by a Roman magistrate (such as a praefectus or quaestor) we can integrate local economic and military functions with our own. This grants the region a more equal partnership in the federation of Italian states. Full suffrage may not be extended for some time, and the quotas of soldiers levied could also stay exhaustive for a while. However, the slow process of Romanization can only serve to benefit us, and therefore the region itself.\n\nSTRATEGY: This form of government is only available in regions comprising a [As this can apply to any faction] faction's historical homeland. It is slow to establish and allows the development of all available civic structures. The faction's best troops can be recruited here with appropriate support buildings, but regional auxiliaries are limited at best.

H) HaleAndHearty follows the same style as Brave and Bloodthirsty, IE the name of the trait line instead of specific traits under the line.

Doesn't that break the fourth wall somewhat?

J) Practice and practise are alternative spellings, and practise is only used in the Commonwealth (and then only as a verb) according to wiktionary. I think it's fine as practice.

Well, I was always taught that "practice" is the noun and "practise" is the verb. However, if it's grammatically correct in American, then what can I do?

My understanding of "under arms" is the same as "at arms", IE equipped and ready to fight at any given time, as opposed to levies and other troops that are normally workmen but take up arms as needed.

Perhaps, but "at arms" just sounds like more natural English to me.

New version:

Auxilia Copiis Regionis - Many of the native villagers and townspeople in these provinces follow their ancient traditions and practice skills useful for war, while several semi-independent tribes and communities exist along our borders and within the province itself. The local noblemen and magistrates have their own guards or small militias under arms (equipped in native fashion) and can organize the mobilisation of greater contingents if desired. In times of war and crisis they will be available to fight with our army against common enemies.\n\nThe less Romanised parts of the province and especially the fringes of Roman controlled territory are an extensive reservoir to raise a huge number of soldiers in a short time, to support the regular parts of our army in local campaigns. Native troops are mostly best suited to fight in local climate in similar surroundings to those in which they grew up against well-known neighbours and their tactics.\n\nHistorically, the auxilia of the Republic [Again, "Roman Republic", hence "Republic"] and most numerous units of the later principate's army were irregular natively troops either levied or hired from subdued people and allied states. These units were mostly raised in the war zone or neighbouring provinces to give the Roman [Could you do a global find / replace for "roman" → "Roman", ala "semi " to "semi-"? Because it's never spelt "roman". The same does apply to "Carthaginian" etc. incidentally, but I haven't seen adjectives pertaining to other factions lacking capitalisation, and moreover EB uses more exotic transliterated adjectives most of the time, with more than one per faction, which would make a quick global find / replace more difficult, I would imagine.][/font]army the necessary numbers and supply the legions with the indispensable additional cavalry and missile troops support, while the native infantry could relieve the legionaries from second- and third-rate tasks.\n\nSTRATEGY: Factions have a greater chance of recruiting regional troops the further travelled from their traditional homeland regions their barracks are / they are [OWTTE]. As a general rule, Type I governments will allow few (if any) regional troops for recruitment and Type IV governments beyond homeland regions will bear have / offer [You can only really bear a burden or fruit, I would say] the most. This structure can be used by all members of the constructing faction's culture, and upon conquest may be repaired for immediate hiring of auxiliaries. If conquered by a faction from a different culture, the building is useless and should be destroyed.\n\nUsed By: Romani only.

K) Not sure about "on the sea", it could mean both "by the sea" and "at sea"... I'm inclined to go with your interpretation.

Indeed - I'm not sure that villas are ever built at sea...

New version:

Summer - Both nature and war are flourishing flourish [It just sounds more natural] in these months, but the city suffers under the heat. Most senators and equites take refuge in their villas in the countryside or by the sea, where it is easier to enjoy life than in the baking streets of Roma. The majority of farming work has to be done at this time, and all hands are needed to harvest the crops. Even the great Latifundiae and Villae Rusticae have employed seasonal workers along with their slaves.

O) Lost the picture. What does this relate to?

"

Trait Decrease
Lvcivs Cornelivs Scipio
Well Supplied

This general and his army have had their ready access to supplies cut, possibly from due to [More appropriate tone ?] over-extending their supply lines or being besieged.
"

P) Not really more appropriate, as usually the AI is doing exactly a betrayal. Additionally, I'm pretty sure they would twist the story so that the enemy did the betrayal anyway, as has been done in every conflict since ever.

You've got a point there!

New version:
Every free born inhabitant of the Res Publica [Pvblica ?] has the duty to serve as a soldier and fight the enemies of the Roman people if the Consuls have need of them. Almost all greater settlements have a plain field outside the city's border that is mainly reserved for martial exercises, so that nobody is unprepared when they are called to arms. In these places, like Roma's Campus Martius [Campvs Martivs ?], the citizens can do athletics or train directly for war while the equites [eqvites ?] have enough space for the Ludus [Lvdvs ?] Troiae and other cavalry games.\n\nOf course without other supporting infrastructure a city with a Campus [Campvs ?] Exercitationes alone will only be able to provide troops of the lowest classes. Their simple equipment can be made either by the conscripts themselves or by local craftsmen that normally only produce farming tools instead of weapons.\n\nThe legions of the Res Publica [Pvblica ?] are only enrolled temporarily for specific wars or campaigns and their soldiers are sent home thereafter. Although our citizens usually exercise together on the campus martius [Campvs Martivs ?] or similar fields in other cities, and prepare themselves for war, most conscripts receive their primary training in the field. Only the strict discipline in and the common life in the camp can turn farmers into soldiers. Every army contains a large number of veteran soldiers and experienced centurions, who have served the Res Publica [Pvblica ?] in previous wars, that can drill the recruits and teach them the finer arts of individual combat. However after several decades without a major war these men can become rare and the Roman army will have to accept some initial setbacks and high casualties until it can reach its old standards again.\n\nSTRATEGY: A faction's historically iconic troops are produced in this structure, and what were considered their elite units are available under the administration of Type I governments. "Factional troops" are much less common away from traditional homeland regions, with the fewest available in regions with Type IV governments. This structure can only be used by the faction which built it or factions with very similar cultures, and should be destroyed upon conquest if no troops are available for recruitment.\n\nUsed By: Romani only.

[I Am Herenow]

Wave 9

Here are the screenshots from my new EB 1.1 RTW Baktria campaign, after installing all fixes up to and including the original client ruler optimisation fix but not the Sweboz spam reform optional fix. Wave 10 will probably include more screenshots from my Baktria campaign after having installed the Sweboz spam reform optional fix and possibly also have screenshots from a new Sweboz campaign.

A)


i) Clumsy - consider "bring glory to our (great / wise [OWTTE])"
ii) "ruler"


B)


i) "by our loyal"
ii) Awkward - consider "a feat worthy of our (great [OWTTE])"
iii) "king"

C)


i) Slightly awkward - consider changing the sentence to read "We have discovered an enemy agent in our city, sent here by babbling foreigners. However, he managed to escape (us / our clutches) before we could suitably punish him." [OWTTE]
ii) This does not really make sense - surely, if the agent were to return home, he would stop troubling you, and so you cannot logically hope for both of those things to happen? Consider changing the sentence to read "Hopefully the foul-tongued swine / infidel [OWTTE] will never trouble us again!"


D)


i) Firstly, you need a simple present tense here ("fully contributes"), and secondly, the word choice here seems rather odd as walls do not really contribute to settlement life. Thus, I think that the intoructory sentence at the top should be rephrased so as to make sense no matter what building has been built. Consider "it is fully functional once again" / "it can once again be made full use of (by the settlement's inhabitants and / or by you)".
ii) I would say that including such a paragraph is dangerous for several reasons. Firstly, it uses the second person which presupposes that the player is reading the building description of a building that he owns, but players can also read enemy building descriptions (for instance, if they have a spy in an enemy settlement, in which case the use of the second person would seem odd and out of place) and can also read the descriptions of buildings which belong to other factions after taking a settlement. Thus, using the third person throughout and adopting a neutral, encyclopaedic tone would cover all eventualities.

The other aspect of this paragraph that is a cause for concern; and, indeed, is more serious an issue than the use of the second person, I would say; is its inclusion of information that is specific to a particular period in time and/or geographical location or faction. This can be a problem for a number of reasons. Firstly, the player, playing as the intended owner of this building (which I believe is Baktria in this case, although this could have come from a settlement taken from the Arche Seleukeia - I just can't remember), could expand in such a way as to make the information contained in this description false (for instance, by conquering all the 'barbarians' or becoming prosperous, which is quite likely given how the game works), and if they were to read this building description halfway through their campaign when they controlled half the known world, it would seem rather strange, seeing as the description cannot change during the campaign. The second problem that could arise would be if the player were to play as a faction which was not the intended owner of such a building, such as the Saka Rauka, and were to subsequently take control of a settlement containing it; then the advice to 'protect against the barbarians of the East' would not be very appropriate!

See also 9) AB) iii - v).
iii) Remove. Also, why is "'barbaros'" in single quotes here? EB usually opts to simply include transliterated words in building and unit descriptions as is.
iv) Poor word choice - consider "upgrade" / "improve".


E)


i) "since"
ii) "for"


F)


i) Awkward - consider "adding".
ii) "Requires" - the capitalisation just makes the statement look neater. Also, could a global find/replace be done on such statements?
iii) "modelled on"
iv) "East"
v) Clumsy - consider "The bulk of the units that can be recruited here consist of a faction's core troops, with some regional auxiliaries also available for selection."


G)


i) "of"
ii) "rivers"
iii) Caveman syntax - consider "[...] and to make them wealthier; and wealthier provinces result in a fuller [OWTTE] treasury."


H)


i) Is it right that a man should be able to be both of these things at once?


I)


i) I understand that this is a translation of a quote and so you may not have much leeway, but nevertheless, this phrase sounds rather odd, and so consider changing it to "from when they are five years old until they are twenty,"
ii) "only:"


J)


i) This does not make grammatical sense - consider "The following have been finished, adding to the already long / extensive [OWTTE] list of our (great [OWTTE]) king's achievements:"
ii) Awkward and repetitive - consider "we may now decide on which type of permanent government to install here."
iii) Informal tone - consider "Although it offers some (level / degree of) protection, it will not prove a great obstacle to enemies."


K)


i) Firstly, it should be "newly-forged." (NB the addition of the full stop), and secondly, is that statement correct? I have been led to believe that soldiers mainly used their own equipment as opposed to getting 'army issue' equipment.
ii) "the kingdom of Pontos"
iii) Elaboration needed: as 'hence' means 'consequently', we are invited to assume that the additional money with which the troops are paid is somehow used to suppress their rebellious urges. However, if this is indeed the case, it should say so in the text, rather than leaving the reader to draw their own conclusions.
iv) According to Dictionary.com, this word carries connotations of voting or elections. However, this does not seem appropriate for the military, especially given that these troops are described as 'levies'. Consider simply "taken" / "admitted" / "recruited".
v) "fleeing"
vi) The word 'prone' only really refers to negative things, I would say, such as fleeing or rebelling. In this case, as the passage is talking the troops being likely to be subjected to something, a more appropriate word phrase be "more susceptible to". However, were it talking about flanking attacks in an active sense (by which I mean, were it to say that the troops are more 'prone' to carry out a flanking attack themselves because of xyz), the word that you should use would be "likely".
vii) "would face" / "were to face"
viii) "make up for the loss in recruits" [OWTTE]


L)


i) Awkward - consider "[...] type, either those of another city, or those of a different nation altogether."
ii) Which two groups? If this is talking about meetings between the king and foreign ambassadors, replace "between the two groups" with "with them".
iii) "makes his peers [OWTTE] suspicious of him, and may sometimes even lead to them plotting against him" (NB the removal of the final comma).


M)


i) "to harass the enemy"
ii) "useful in trying"
iii) "would wear"
iv) "the rider's face" / "their faces"
v) "would also wear"
vi) ","
vii) "brown leather boots which extended up to the knee"
viii) "rain-resistant"
ix) "cherkesska,"
x) "were"
xi) "themselves and were used" - also, clarification is required here as to whether the belt or the buckles (presumably the former, especially given that the latter is described as 'decorative') are used to support weapons.
xii) "eight"
xiii) "could"
xiv) Remove
xv) Awkward - consider "They would also be protected by"
xvi) "crescent-shaped"
xvii) As in 9) D) iii), why is this in single quotes? Could a universal standard be agreed on regarding this (I suggest going for no quotes at all, seeing as that is what happens in most EB descriptions), as uniformity would make the descriptions appear more professional?
xviii) "U"
xix) This sentence structure does not make sense, and the entire second paragraph seems largely to be repeating what is said in the first. I suggest that the two paragraphs be combined into one and any information that currently appears twice in the description be made to only appear once. As for this sentence, rephrase it so that it reads "Armed chiefly with javelins, these horsemen historically came from Arachosia [...]".
xx) "by soldiers levied"
xxi) "well-suited"
xxii) "to"
xxiii) The frontiers of what? Explanation / elaboration needed.
xxiv) "crescent-shaped", as in 9) M) xvi), but this is one of the sections that repeats what has already been said and so needs to be removed / integrated into another sentence (see 9) M) xix)).
xxv) "they are tough / strong [OWTTE]"
xxvi) "javelins, these cavalrymen [Anachronistic ?] / soldiers [OWTTE]"
xxvii) "was"
xxviii) "counter-charging"

N)


i) "completed the construction of"
ii) The register is far too low here and this section either needs to be removed (eveything after "satrapy" should go) or rewritten.

O)


i) This sounds slightly odd - could this be rephrased to include the word 'class'?
ii) "and are recruited"
iii) "using a bow"
iv) Clumsy - consider "in that they will have used the bow from birth."
v) Low register - rephrase.
vi) "troops" / "soldiers"
vii) "to any significant / great degree."
viii) "harassing the enemy from a distance" - a verb in a continuous tense seems better suited to following the word 'role' than a noun, in my opinion. Although both are correct (although it should be "long-range" here), the latter just sounds better, I would say.
ix) Awkward - consider "fill this role". Also, it should be "archers of the East".

In fact, I believe that capitalising compass points when they refer to a vague geographical area is optional (guides such as this one say that it is a stylistic choice), but again a general consensus should be reached to either do so or not do so so as to achieve uniformity and a greater degree of professionalism. I suggest capitalising here as 'Middle East' etc. are always capitalised, so it would make sense for 'East' in this sense to also be capitalised. However NB different uses of the word ('The warriors of the East are attacking!' vs. 'Germany is to the east of France.').
x) "importantly on Kretan"
xi) Awkward - consider "as missile troops in their armies" [OWTTE] (as I have already used 'fill this role').


P)


i) As in 9) K) vi), "prone" is not appropriate here and the word order is somewhat awkward, and so this phrase should read "likely to be a good, just administrator, although he can sometimes be overly harsh"
ii) "likely to be"


Q)


i) It is somewhat unclear here as to whether the fine lamellar (or breastplates etc. in the second instance) was lacquered or the lamellar was finely lacquered. If the former, change the sentence to read "barded with fine lamellar which has been lacquered [add: "with xyz" ?]"; if the latter, replace "fine" with "finely".
ii) "chosen from" ?
iii) "from among noble"
iv) This comes as something of a surprise, as we were expecting to see 'serve in the Sacred Band', or similar. Thus, elaboration is needed. Namely, was a career as a priest a prerequisite for serving in the Sacred Band and why? Or is 'serving the priesthood of Astarot' simply another way of saying 'serving in the Sacred Band' - if so, what has one got to do with the other? And, indeed, who or what was Astarot (the god of)?
v) "they are considered (by some (historians)) to be some of"
vi) "as"
vii) "their"
viii) Poor word choice - consider "wield" / "hold" / "control".
ix) "seldom, if ever, matched." (?)
x) "in"
xi) Replace "thousand strong" with "thousand-strong".
xii) "differently." - also, consider removing this sentence as it is somewhat irrelevant to the description of the general role of the Sacred Band and, more to the point, is rather biased.


R)


i) "recruitment", as that is more final than "training", which suggests an ongoing process (which has, in fact, now finished).
ii) Remove (?)
iii) "factions; he can" (?)
iv) "may"


S)


i) This bonus appears twice - presumably, this is a bug?
ii) "and"
iii) "was", as the rest of the passage is in the past tense and the role / uses of silk in today's society are irrelevant.
iv) "road: the"


T)


i) Why should a town which belongs to the Eleutheroi have a Seleukid government in place? Should the aforementioned government not at least be 100% damaged?

U)


i) Clumsy - consider "means of connecting cities (across / over land)".
ii) "travellers"
iii) "East", but see 9) O) ix).
iv) Informal tone - consider "can vary greatly".
v) Awkward phrasing - consider "vary greatly; there may be settlements every few kilometres, or a settlement might be separated from the next one by an endless expanse of steppe or desert."
vi) Inappropriate personification - consider "need of".
vii) "armies need them when they"
viii) "long distances"
ix) Remove
x) Poor word choice - what precisely does the word 'open' mean when referring to roads? Clear of debris? In good condition? Not besieged / taken over by brigands? Consider removing or rephrasing.


V)


i) Informal - consider "in order to colonise it"
ii) "of"
iii) "almost on"
iv) "likely to be a good tactician, cavalry commander and motivator of his soldiers."
v) The register is far too low here and, no, I, at least, do not 'get the idea'. Whatever it is that this phrase is hinting at should replace it and be written in plain English. The nature of the phrase and the apparent necessity to only indirectly refer to whatever it is makes me suspect that it has something to do with sex, but if it does, then just say so.


W)


i) "In many towns, especially in older"
ii) "constructing most of the houses and other buildings"
iii) Risky (see 9) D) ii)). Consider "By 272 BC, Athenai did not even have [...]".
iv) "drainage system"
v) Awkward - consider "Before Philippos destroyed it (in the year x), Olynthos provided".
vi) Strange word choice - consider "could be implemented" / "~ installed".
vii) "to its / the city's inhabitants' lives"
viii) Rather too informal, I would say - consider "most basic steps which can be taken".
ix) Clumsy - consider "also be built".
x) "during"
xi) "to also" - also, is "chamber-pots" not anachronistic (it makes me think of Victorians, at least)? Is there not some other euphemism you could use?
xii) Replace "low lying" with "low-lying".
xiii) "clear of marshes, wherever possible"
xiv) "greatly help to improve"

X)


i) The tone does not agree with that used in other similar messages. Consider "We have completed the construction of (some) advanced roads [...]".
ii) "sanitary"


Y)


i) Awkward - consider "Through his work [...], this governor has become attuned [...]". Also, consider the issue with quotes here, too (although they are used in a different sense here, another consensus should be reached, I would say).
ii) Too informal - consider "somewhat".
iii) Remove the commas, or the entire clause.


Z)


i) Beginning a clause with 'those' does not make sense here. Rephrase the sentence to read "These mainly Indo-Iranian heavy cavalrymen, exclusive [...]"
ii) This is somewhat confusing as you cannot really master wearing armour, whereas the first phrase suggests mastery of wielding/using a weapon as opposed to forging one. If this is indeed talking about Hellenic smiths, as opposed to Hellenic soldiers, then the meaning needs to be made clearer.
iii) "excellent Indian"
iv) Strange word choice - consider removing or replacing with "projecting" ? Also, they cannot really be seen from the picture.
v) Remove
vi) "as well as" / "and also"
vii) Clumsy - consider ", heavy armour typical of heavy cavalry." [OWTTE]
viii) This does not make sense here - consider "Yet, it is with the (rider's / soldier's [OWTTE]) shoulder and neck protector, or [Insert native name here], worn above his leather cuirass, that the Mauryan iron forging skills required to make the soldier's / rider's armour can really be seen / are fully evident. Made of overlapping iron and bronze scales on top of a leather base [Presumably ? - Please check], the [Native name] extends from the bottom / edge [Please check] of the facemask down to [Wherever it happens to be - please find out if you can]. The rider's cloak [...]"
ix)[Already covered]
x)[Already covered]
xi)[Already covered]
xii) Low register - consider "made of two separate parts which"
xiii) Informal - consider "[...] making a framed breastplate in the Indian style (of armour-making [OWTTE]) on top of [...]"
xiv) Remove the comma and, again, consider the quotation marks.
xv) Assuming this is a plural transliterated noun, remove the apostrophe.
xvi) Informal - consider changing the sentence to "And finally, the rider wears an Iranian [...] perikneimeides, or greaves, for additional protection / comfort [Please find out]."
xvii) "shortly / soon after Alexandros died"
xviii) "posessions" (consider also replacing "his Indian pocessions [sic]" with "his posessions in India")
xix) Biased - remove or rephrase. Consider at least adding "what is considered by many / several (leading) historians to be [...]", assuming that's true.
xx) Change this to "the dynasty's" as although "its" is technically correct, it should not be used here as the last noun in the sentence was a plural ("the Mauryans") and so looks odd as people could assume that it is referring to the Mauryans (pl.), as opposed to the dynasty (sing.).
xxi) "imitating" (NB remove "of")
xxii) "Whether it was because of his [...] or because he [...]"
xxiii) Remove
xxiv) "for"
xxv) As before, consider the use of quotes, and only include one transliterated noun in each case (I assume that you should go for the native name in both cases since that is what EB tends to do). If both names are equally valid and both must be included, then at least remove the forward slash and explain which word is in which language.
xxvi) These paragraphs should be combined and the sentences rewritten (Curious Incident syntax here, to some extent). Consider "[...] (Shar-i-kuna), written in the 3rd century BCE, which were preserved at the Kabul Museum until the year [YYYY - please find out] when they disappeared. In them, Asoka had [...]". Another stylistic choice to be made here, I think: AD / BC or CE / BCE?
xxvii) Firstly, please note that the description has drifted quite a long way away from horsemen by this point and much of this section may simply need to be removed. However, if it is to stay, then consider rephrasing this rather clumsy phrase to something like "In them, Asoka had written, among other things, verses which condemned murder, such as the following verse which reads: "...and [...]""
xxviii) Wrong tense - consider "was a quarter Greek".
xxix) What? Not only is the register lowered here by the language and the abruptness of this phrase, but it then raises the question of why the passage mentions Asoka's supposed Greek ancestry at all. Either the phrase should be removed, or the whole sentence should be removed and the first part integrated into the following sentence (which begins "It may be that [...]").
xxx) Remove
xxxi) This does not really make sense sense - consider clarifying the statement: he studied "different systems of government / how to rule effectively [Whichever is true - please find out]". Also, is it 'Asoka' or 'Ashoka'? I think that only one spelling should be used throughout.
xxxii) Remove
xxxiii) "elements (of rule), a process which"
xxxiv) I understand that the tone is meant to be quite light-hearted here, but I would remove the entire sentence (which starts with "This").
xxxv) Remove (including the comma).
xxxvi) "when"
xxxvii) "the (new) units which are produced / which emerge (as a result)"
xxxviii) "respective (military) schools of thought in terms of the equipment they use." - at least, that is what I assume the sentence is supposed to mean.
xxxix) "in the"
xxxx) "The kopis sword, which is now"
xxxxi) ", is also used [Presumably? Please check]."
xxxxii) Low register - consider "that of the / worn by the Taxilan Agema"
xxxxiii) Low register and clumsy syntax throughout the whole sentence - consider changing it to "Mounted on a heavy Nissean or Kamboian horse, the rider and, at times, the mount, too, will be heavily armoured."
xxxxiv) [Already covered]
xxxxv) [Already covered]
xxxxvi) Slightly awkward - consider "The Taxilan agema will fight for whoever controls"
xxxxvii) "can be"


AA)


i) "made itself" / "agreed to be / become"
ii) "would not [...] was not". Also, could a global find/replace be carried out on 'isn't', 'wouldn't' etc. as those sorts of contractions are generally frowned upon in written English? Edit: and while I'm on the subject, could another find/replace be carried out on "rome", "roman", "greece", "greek" and "hellenic" (obviously, capitalising the first letter in each case)?
iii) Remove
iv) "as they are, and if not then"
v) "established, probably"
vi) "copying certain aspects of Hellenic military infrastructure"
vii) "little"
viii) "some" is too informal, and is "office" supposed to be "officer"? Consider changing the sentence to read "At this level, there will be little military organisation in the province: only one officer appointed to oversee the levying of peasants [...]"
ix) "or, in"
x) "defenders who"
xi) "As would be expected in a settlement without"
xii) "well-developed military institutions / infrastructure"
xiii) Remove / replace the latter part of the sentence to read "[...] troops raised here will be (quite) poor."


AB)


i) "long-distance"
ii) Remove
iii) The register is too low and this statement is risky (see 9) D) ii)). Consider removing / replacing with a statement about the amount of effort / manpower / etc. that will be required to complete this task (something that will not really change if the player's faction becomes rich / expands a lot / etc.).
iv) Here is a rough list of all the places in this passage which use the second person. It is not accurate as I hope that this entire description (and others like it) will be rewritten.
v) And here is a list of the statements which may become untrue as the game progresses.


AC)


i) "in"
ii) "in a settlement"
iii) "onto" (?) Things are generally 'projected' onto something.
iv) This needs clarification - is this the town 'mayor' or the 'king'? Also, consider using a more faction-specific word here.
v) "not be the"
vi) "he will still have"
vii) Clarification needed; is he going to defend himself (i.e. try and save his own bacon, as it were) or defend the town in the name of the empire etc. etc.?
viii) "in times of crisis"
ix) "word" ?
x) "point in a"


AD)


i) "should only be used as skirmishers and are not adept at close combat with"
ii) "They wear the long-sleeved [...] tunic."
iii) "coloured, these"
iv) "knees, secured"
v) "They would also wear a simple woolen cap,"
vi) "defending oneself / themselves with"
vii) Repetition - remove.
viii) Repetition - consider "men" / "soldiers" [OWTTE]
ix) "would almost certainly have come / been drawn up from"
x) "position in the battle line" ?
xi) This phrase is somewhat clumsy, and the sentence is rather confusing as how could the archers be deployed both behind and in front of infantry?
xii) "army's"
xiii) Two different tenses used - I would change "are" to "were" rather than changing "advanced" to "advance" as the paragraphs about a unit's historical role are usually in the past tense.


AE)


i) Remove
ii) and iii) "Although a simple [...] people, as the town grows, it is always"
iv) "system which utilises"
v) "to carry water away"
vi) "beneath"
vii) "included as standard in"
viii) Informal - consider "simply threw the contents of their"
ix) See 9) W) xi).
x) "(which were) built underneath the streets". Also, Olynthos rings a bell from 9) W) v) - should the information about its sewers being destroyed be added here (or removed from the other description)?


AF)


i) "has been completed which"
ii) Informal - consider "is still not as effective in keeping hostile troops out of a settlement as a stone wall." [OWTTE]


AG)


i) I know that there has been an issue recently about granaries decreasing the amount of trade but the 'Increase in tradeable goods' message not being flexible. Therefore, could the message be changed to something like "Change in tradeable goods" or "Affects ((the) level of) trade (in (the) settlement)", with the correct information being put in the first line of the description (e.g. "Increase in tradeable goods" / "+2 Trade" / "Decrease in tradeable goods" / "-1 Trade", depending on how much information you want the player to have)?
ii) "Extensive areas of farmland"
iii) "produced by these agricultural areas" (?)
iv) This sounds odd - rephrase. Consider "the weather and opportunistic looters."
v) "(seeing) as". Also, replace "sustain" with "house".
vi) Remove (and it should be "literally", anyway).
vii) Change the sentence to read "It is of critical importance, especially [...]" (?)


AH)


i) "on" - and could a global find/replace be carried out for "rely upon" --> "rely on"?
ii) Could a more faction-specific word be used here? The word "lord" makes me think of Victorian Englishmen living in mansions.
iii) Consider adding the native word for a 'company', and consider the use of quotes, as in 9) D) iii).
iv) This looks like a placeholder name to me - presumably, there should be something more exotic here?
v) Why should a building which only the Pahlava can use be "Western Greek"?

P.S.

bovi, what does 'BOFH' stand for? Just wondering!

[bovi]

In lieu of having investigated your reports: BOFH Googled. I highly recommend reading it for anyone who has an ounce of computer savvy (practically none required, but some things will be lost on you unless you have some knowledge).

[I Am Herenow]

I ... see

[bovi]

This isn't going very fast at all.

Wave 2:
S, T)
Agreed on most counts. I also found a few extra typos.
I think "upon request" is a good term and relates well with the style of the rest of the description.
The capitalization of the personal titles should stay I think. I reversed it and corrected the non-capitalized ones (Praetor and Proconsul).

New text:

"War gives conquerers the right to impose any conditions they please upon the vanquished." --Gaius Julius Caesar

Roma Victor! Senatores, Fortuna has smiled upon the Res Publica today, and a new region is ready to answer to Roman law by virture of Roman arms! The people of this land are uncouth and backwards, and will likely require much time and investment of manpower and treasure before truly being incorporated into the Res Publica. In time, its people will come to understand and appreciate the moral uprightness and order of Roman laws, for the profit and benefit of all - but for now, dangerous elements skulk in the alleyways of its cities and the wild places of its countryside. It is wise to enforce strict martial laws until these elements can be subdued and peace can return to the region. Have no doubt, the local military tribunes will impose curfews and ban the carrying of arms in public places; trouble-makers will be dealt with swiftly to stop their sedition from spreading.

The Roman Senate was at first ill-equipped to deal with the expanding territory of the Republic, and in many ways can be seen as loathe to add new lands under direct Roman rule, happy to collect wealth without the costs of sending garrisons, clerks and tax collecors. The word provincia itself is military in origin, implying the general's responsibility to manage said region. In the First Punic War, the capture of cities and towns was common and usually a military garrison would be emplaced before commissioners appointed by the Senate would arrive to survey people's property and wealth for taxation. Military law was harsh but simple, and most people were allowed to continue their lives in relative peace, able to speak their own language and continue practising their own religions.

Towns were divided into three distinct classes upon conquest: Allied cities, which paid no taxes but had to send troops upon request of the Senate; "free" cities, which had nominal independence but knew who their true masters were; and tributary cities which paid annual fees to the Senate in return for administration and protection. At first, these provinces were run by Praetors and then Proconsuls, and later by Governors who held full imperium in their own territories. By the time of the Augustan reforms, there were two types of province: Senatorial, ruled by a Proconsul; and Imperial, ruled by an Imperial Praetorian Legate.

A temporary military authority must be established in any province that dissolves its government, whether through external conquest or internal politics. A central garrison can serve as a mute display of military strength, but also the active pacification of rebellious elements and the quelling of banditry is necessary to re-establish normalcy and stability. After this brief period has passed, decisions can be made regarding the type of government that should be installed for a longer duration.

STRATEGY: Military occupation reduces unrest caused by the toppling of the region's former government. It is required prior to establishing any type of government.

U)
i) Not necessary.
Did the rest.

[I Am Herenow]

OK, fine. I assume you've already read Wave 2, Version 2?

"War gives conquerers the right to impose any conditions they please upon the vanquished." - Gaius Julius Caesar

Roma Victor [I've read somewhere over at TWC that it might be "Victrix" - perhaps worth double-checking?]! Senatores, Fortuna has smiled upon the Res Publica today, and a new region is ready to answer to Roman law by virture of Roman arms! The people of this land are uncouth and backward, and will likely require much time and investment of manpower and treasure before truly being incorporated into the Res Publica. In time, its people will come to understand and appreciate the moral uprightness and order of Roman laws, for the profit and benefit of all - but for now, dangerous elements skulk in the alleyways of its cities and the wild places of its countryside. It is wise to enforce strict martial laws until these elements can be subdued and peace can return to the region. Have no doubt, the local military tribunes will impose curfews and ban the carrying of arms in public places; trouble-makers will be dealt with swiftly to stop their sedition from spreading.

The Roman Senate was at first ill-equipped to deal with the expanding territory of the Republic, and in many ways can be seen as loathe to add new lands under direct Roman rule, happy to collect wealth without the costs of sending garrisons, clerks and tax collecors. The word "provincia" itself is military in origin, implying the general's responsibility to manage said region. In the First Punic War, the capture of cities and towns was common and usually a military garrison would be put in place before commissioners appointed by the Senate would arrive to survey people's property and wealth for taxation. Military law was harsh but simple, and most people were allowed to continue their lives in relative peace, able to speak their own language and continue practising their own religions.

Towns were divided into three distinct classes upon conquest: allied cities, which paid no taxes but had to send troops upon the Senate's request; "free" cities, which had nominal independence but knew who their true masters were; and tributary cities which paid annual fees to the Senate in return for administration and protection. At first, these provinces were run by Praetors and then Proconsuls, and later by Governors who held full imperium in their own territories. By the time of the Augustan reforms, there were two types of province: Senatorial, ruled by a Proconsul; and Imperial, ruled by an Imperial Praetorian Legate.

A temporary military authority must be established in any province that dissolves its government, whether through external conquest or internal politics. A central garrison can serve as a mute display of military strength, but also the active pacification of rebellious elements and the quelling of banditry are also necessary to re-establish normality and stability. After this brief period has passed, decisions can be made regarding the type of government that should be installed for a longer duration.

STRATEGY: Military occupation reduces unrest caused by the toppling of the region's former government. It is required prior to establishing any type of government.

Incidentally, I've stopped submitting new reports partly because I would like to see you get through all of these first, and partly because I am currently playing other games. However, when you have finished looking at Waves 1 to 9, I might have a look at the faction introductions or something.

I Am Herenow

[Tellos Athenaios]

It's Roma Victrix.

[I Am Herenow]

It's Roma Victrix.

Well, there you go then.

[bovi]

Nope, I haven't taken the version 2 yet. I'm taking them in top-down fashion. The easiest way to know where I'm at...

[I Am Herenow]

As you wish, but then you won't be working in order of waves necessarily; i.e. even after finishing Wave 9 you'll still have bits of Wave 2 (and by then, presumably, of other waves too) to do.

P.S.

Please don't forget to revisit the reports to which you did not know the answer originally (e.g. 1) B) ).