Recently I began to put rather uncomfortable questions to myself, I had decided that these thoughts could no longer be ignored. I am reading a book on English history and English cultural heritage, the idyllic vision of woodland and soft hills comes to my mind. So too does the image of London as it was before the bombings and the concrete fortresses which dominate her once lovely skyline, the dominance of the new the end of England. As I wish it. I find in this concept of England a fanciful escape, a coward's way of hiding from the modern world.
Then I remember what England really is, a place which is run by those with little respect for it's history and ancient culture. I apply to them the category of Lefty-Liberals, looking to get rich and stay in power by riding the globalist-liberal wave, what is that? Who are these people? It doesn't matter because I know they are there and I hate them.
I read on the BBC an article on what the Archbishop of Canterbury says, Sharia law in England, I seethe in anger I damn him for his lack of a backbone for being the modern conception of a man, spineless and without courage. My childhood was full of the tales of men seen as heroes, by some, surely I think they would detest and destroy men like Dr. Williams?
Then I turn my attention to THEM...
Those Muslims, always trying to impress their foreign values on US, they have no respect of understanding of my nations ancient past. It is a thought which has, like a cancer, grown ever so slowly in my mind. I have been unable, or unwilling, to kill it. I begin to look for them in books and media, I want to get angry, I want to find reasons to hate them. I read and hear words like discrimination and I burn at the accusation that England must accommodate, why? Why are they here, I think, if they do not want to be like us?
I read another article in the BBC, the BBC is still hideously white, says some British-African Lord. That cancer suddenly gets bigger, it spreads to encompass THOSE PEOPLE. Why should the BBC become darker? England is English is it not? What is wrong with the BBC having white people read the news?
Again I go looking for trouble, I read the comments of immigrant peoples, I find in them things repulsive to me, why do they fill discriminated against? Why do they dress like that? Why do they not consider themselves English? Why are they here?
The thoughts have become more frequent, I begin to feel tragic, England is gone, St George is nothing, Hengist and Horsa, who are they. I need someone to blame, THEM.
I have asked myself what are these thoughts? Why am I thinking them? I never used to, the idea of England no longer being as it was as it should be has never worried me before.
I have, I believe become a closet racist, I hate racists though, don't I? Or perhaps I don't, perhaps when I have seen them, heard them, talked to them my thoughts of abhorrence and anger were masking something else. Understanding? Sympathy?
Is this a product of my love of England and it's history? How can modern developments not anger others like they do me without them finding they have become closet racists, or bigots?
I believe that, this phenomenon may be more common than I had thought, that everyone is hiding something behind their talk of multiculturalism and acceptance. I know that there are others out there who openly embrace this cancerous growth within the mind, but I do not want to.
So I have laid myself open to your thoughts, because I believe that some of you may be able to rid me of this.
I fully accept that some of you may now hold me in contempt and I do not blame you for it. But I believe this is a problem which is effecting a great many countries and it needs airing.
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