Ancient Jokes

[antisocialmunky]

So I ran across some excerpts from one of Philogelos's joke books, they are pretty good. Anyone have any other ancient joke books?

http://www.stoa.org/diotima/anthology/quinn_jokes.shtml

My Personal Favorite:

When an intellectual was told by someone, "Your beard is now coming in," he went to the rear-entrance and waited for it. Another intellectual asked what he was doing. Once he heard the whole story, he said: "I'm not surprised that people say we lack common sense. How do you know that it's not coming in by the other gate?"

[Ibrahim]

So I ran across some excerpts from one of Philogelos's joke books, they are pretty good. Anyone have any other ancient joke books?

http://www.stoa.org/diotima/anthology/quinn_jokes.shtml

My Personal Favorite:

well, I have jokes from the Arab world from the 5-9th century AD. most though are only funny to Arabs IMO:

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

a pre-islamic joke, c. 5-7th centuries. this is a parable and joke rolled into one.

"A rabbit and a Fox came over to an Iguana, to protest injustice:

Rabbit: I'm here to complain of the Fox.
Iguana: Ok, speak your peace.
Rabbit: I had a fruit
Iguana: sweet, eat it.
Rabbit: then the Fox came and took my fruit
Iguana: he took what was rightfully his by force
Rabbit: so I slapped him
Iguana: you got back at him
Rabbit: so he slapped me
Iguana: he got back at you.
Rabbit: so judge us!
Iguana: I have!

these following are 8th century:

once, a young juha was sent to learn math at a merchant's store; when he came back, his father asked:
Father: did you learn your math?
Juha: yes, I did.
Father: did you master it?
Juha: indeed.
Father: divide 4 by 3
Juha: two, and two, and one person get's nothing.

once, juha sent his son to get grapes. when the son returned with the grapes, Juha slapped him. the son, indignant, asked why. Juha replied: "when you are sent for something, always get it, and a backup-in this case, Figs."
later, when Juha was ill, he told his son to go get a doctor. he did, but he also braught another man. Juha asked who the other man was. the son replied: "In case of emergency, as you told me before, get a backup. so I brought the Undertaker as well as the Doctor"

A variation of tha joke went like this: Juha asked his son to get grapes. he did that, but when he returned, Juha slapped him. when asked why, juha replied: "to remind you of what would happen had you failed"

here's a doozy...
an early Abbasid prince happened upon Juha digging in the outskirts of Baghdad. he had noticed in fact, tha Juha had dug several large holes. puzzled, he asked juha:
Prince: why are you digging all these holes?
Juha: I am looking for a chest of gold I had buried years ago.
Prince: didn't you bother to mark the site of it?
Juha: I did: a cloud that was standing right over it at the time, but now for some reason, I cannot find the cloud

hope its funny to europeans, as they are to Arabs

[gamegeek2]

#1 - ???
#2 - 4 by 3 - Is that a sex or marriage joke? Or is that guy just an idiot?
#3 - lol, I get it
#4 - Same with #4 - that guy's an idiot.

This is a really old arab joke - 13th century BC property rights are amusing, no?

3. Three ox drivers from Adab were thirsty: one owned the ox, the other owned the cow and the other owned the wagon's load. The owner of the ox refused to get water because he feared his ox would be eaten by a lion; the owner of the cow refused because he thought his cow might wander off into the desert; the owner of the wagon refused because he feared his load would be stolen. So they all went. In their absence the ox made love to the cow which gave birth to a calf which ate the wagon's load. Problem: Who owns the calf?! (1200 BC)

Now, guess what this Ancient Egyptian joke means:

Cheops moreover came, they said, to such a pitch of wickedness, that being in want of money he caused his own daughter to sit in the stews, and ordered her to obtain from those who came a certain amount of money (how much it was they did not tell me): and she not only obtained the sum appointed by her father, but also she formed a design for herself privately to leave behind her a memorial, and she requested each man who came in to give her one stone upon her building: and of these stones, they told me, the pyramid was built which stands in front of the great pyramid in the middle of the three, each side being one hundred and fifty feet in length.

[Cute Wolf]

they could just cut the calf in three and made veal steak out of it...

[vartan]

they could just cut the calf in three and made veal steak out of it...

Is that supposed to be a joke or are you a meat-eater (carnivore) ?

Thanks for the jokes guys.

[anubis88]

this one was found in the Roman ruins of Ephesus, not long ago...

Chuck Norris was in a gladius fight once, and the gladius lost

[Duguntz]

Is that supposed to be a joke or are you a meat-eater (carnivore) ?

Thanks for the jokes guys.

Meat-eater? life-enjoyer! Is there anything better than a bloody steak with mushrooms in pepper sauce with a red wine "Cote du Rhone", with nice compagny to pass the eavening?

[lionhard]

An intellectual was eating dinner with his father. On the table was a large lettuce with many succulent shoots. The intellectual suggested: "Father, you eat the children; I'll take mother."[3]

Haha thats my favorite :)

[Zradha Pahlavan]

Wow. Those are weird. They actually weren't that bad though.

[Ibrahim]

#1 - ???
#2 - 4 by 3 - Is that a sex or marriage joke? Or is that guy just an idiot?
#3 - lol, I get it
#4 - Same with #4 - that guy's an idiot.

This is a really old arab joke - 13th century BC property rights are amusing, no?

3. Three ox drivers from Adab were thirsty: one owned the ox, the other owned the cow and the other owned the wagon's load. The owner of the ox refused to get water because he feared his ox would be eaten by a lion; the owner of the cow refused because he thought his cow might wander off into the desert; the owner of the wagon refused because he feared his load would be stolen. So they all went. In their absence the ox made love to the cow which gave birth to a calf which ate the wagon's load. Problem: Who owns the calf?! (1200 BC)

Now, guess what this Ancient Egyptian joke means:

I'll say the calf is the property of the person who owns the Ox. as Arabs are a patrilineal people, all property must be done patrilinealy

the first story I told btw was a joke about proper judging. yes, Juha is an idiot in all the cases. to be accurate, he acts like an idiot, but he was historically a smart person (yes, he's a real person).

and Herodotos sure is a crazy storyteller.

[gamegeek2]

The clown grows tired of your abuse, Ibrahim.

[Ibrahim]

The clown grows tired of your abuse, Ibrahim.

yeah, I do hate clowns. how did you know?

[stratigos vasilios]

Meat-eater? life-enjoyer! Is there anything better than a bloody steak with mushrooms in pepper sauce with a red wine "Cote du Rhone", with nice compagny to pass the eavening?

Actually I like my steak well done. That's well done, it doesn't mean cremated...

[HunGeneral]

Now, guess what this Ancient Egyptian joke means

She became a (well how should I say)... a courtesan and besides the money asked for a stone from each of her customers for one "service" and those stone were used to build the Pyramid of ghiza (Biggest Pyramid ever)? (Maybe they were even enough for the construction)

[XSamatan]

Check out a collection of EB-related-jokes!

XSamatan

[plutoboyz]

here, some old Kabayan joke from Pasunda. hope its funny.

one day, Kabayan was crying one the roadside

person: Why do you cry here?
Kabayan: stupid! I'll be roadkill victim if I cry on the road!
Person: no. I mean, why do you cry?
Kabayan: I lost my money.
Person: Where?
Kabayan: I don't know.
Person: Why?
Kabayan: Because I haven't lost my money?
Person: so why do you cry?
Kabayan: so, when I lost my money I don't need to cry again.

moral values: we must be ready for every condition. we don't know what would happen in future.

another one

one morning, Kabayan running on the street.

Kabayan: Ah... sh**!
person: what happen?
Kabayan: look! downhill road.
Person: why? aren't it good?
Kabayan: because after a downhill road, there would be uphill road...

Moral values: after happiness there would be Suffer and vice versa.