Results 1 to 29 of 29

Thread: Ways to kill off useless family members.

Hybrid View

Previous Post Previous Post   Next Post Next Post
  1. #1

    Default Ways to kill off useless family members.

    Ahoy hoy there my friends! Your friendly resident Potato here again with a thread on useless family members. The ones who are so hopeless in everything that your blood pressure rises every time you have to deal with them...

    Let's face it, we all have a few of those.

    Those family members who just rub you up the wrong way by their inability to do anything properly, pathetic military commander, hopelessly corrupt and inept at governing and are just plain horrible to look at. Hell, they can't even be used as an extra unit of heavy cavalry because they only have 14 bodyguards on huge...

    So... what do we do with these sub-par leeches hanging from the teats of your glorious empire?

    Kill them in an entertaining manner of course!

    What I would like to know is how you do it.

    The person with the most ingenious, impressive and downright cruel idea to off those sons of cabbages will win from me a nice and shiny green balloon to signify the majestic glory of your wretched black heart.

  2. #2
    EBII Mapper and Animator Member -Praetor-'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Marburg, Germany
    Posts
    3,760

    Default Re: Ways to kill off useless family members.

    Send them to fight a half stack pirate fleet with a pentekonteroi... a single one.

    Send them to build a fort into enemy lands... alone.

    While besieging a walled city, send a ram to batter down the gates, then place your general exactly under the enemy-held gates to turn him into a Man-Horse Schnitzel.

  3. #3
    Villiage Idiot Member antisocialmunky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    ゞ( ゚Д゚)ゞ
    Posts
    5,974

    Default Re: Ways to kill off useless family members.

    Quote Originally Posted by -Praetor- View Post
    Send them to fight a half stack pirate fleet with a pentekonteroi... a single one.

    Send them to build a fort into enemy lands... alone.

    While besieging a walled city, send a ram to batter down the gates, then place your general exactly under the enemy-held gates to turn him into a Man-Horse Schnitzel.
    What if they keep coming back?

    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

    In inferior sequels?


    Rather just use them until they drop dead in battle.
    Fighting isn't about winning, it's about depriving your enemy of all options except to lose.



    "Hi, Billy Mays Here!" 1958-2009

  4. #4

    Default Re: Ways to kill off useless family members.

    I usually send them on "raids" into either barb or enemy territory. Deadbeat FM, couple depleted units and whatever mercs he can scrounge on the way. I once had one start in Tarsus, march to India (AS was my enemy), sacking cities along the way, then march back (sacking along the way). Made me HUUUGGGEEE amounts of cash from the sacked cities. He also killed the AS faction leader in what was supposed to be a suicide charge into his bodyguard. Then the moron died fighing applethrowers...

  5. #5

    Default Re: Ways to kill off useless family members.

    Try to conquer the alps singlehandedly.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Senior Member Ibn-Khaldun's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Estonia
    Posts
    5,489
    Blog Entries
    4

    Default Re: Ways to kill off useless family members.

    You can either

    1) put that general you want to kill on a small ship and let him attack some pirate fleets. Works best against those huge fleets in Northern Europe.

    or

    2) use console commands and move that general to a far away Eleutheroi province and attack rebel stack. This is how I do it. Armies in Britain and in the steppes are ideal for this job.

  7. #7

    Default Re: Ways to kill off useless family members.

    I was thinking more tactically. I usually bring the sod along with me as bait for enemy generals. When the enemy engages and is then locked into battle against him I focus fire all my ranged units and siege weapons on the two of them.

  8. #8
    Uergobretos Senior Member Brennus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Korieltauuon.
    Posts
    7,801

    Default Re: Ways to kill off useless family members.

    A difficult one here which only works for Sweboz and Koinon Hellenon FMs but.... Have them garrisoned in a city, allow the city to be besieged and assaulted by an enemy using sapping points, have the FM stand on a wall which is about to get sapped and watch the results of Iron Age flight experiments.

    Alternatively with mounted FMs have them play a game of chicken on a bridge with elephants coming from the opposite direction.



    donated by ARCHIPPOS for being friendly to new people.
    donated by Macilrille for wit.
    donated by stratigos vasilios for starting new and interesting threads
    donated by Tellos Athenaios as a welcome to Campus Martius


  9. #9
    Member Member Burebista's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Bucharest, Romania
    Posts
    199

    Default Re: Ways to kill off useless family members.

    Send him hug an enemy stone wall tower?

    If you're rich you can kill the guy with catapults :)) ( same tactics as with arrows).

    Or my fave : Get him transported to India and let the curr die trampled by elephants .

  10. #10

    Default Re: Ways to kill off useless family members.

    You have to make sure there is a second unit on the field with him, or your useless waste of a scion will escape as he routs.

    very effective is attacking a well garrisoned town and charging your FM through the gates and past everyone else. That way he can't run away without running through the crush, which is likely to kill him.
    That's most effective, but not very entertaining. I like the siege weapon idea. maybe you could have him go look at the city wall as you direct rocks at it?

    I don't know if it would work, but could you funnel an FM's unit left hand side first into the water during a bridge battle?

  11. #11

    Default Re: Ways to kill off useless family members.

    The foot bodyguards might take a walk on the damaged part of the wall in a city; i mean, if the guy is an idiot/trusting fool, he might really believe there is a kind of invisible "bridge" over to the nex wall... On the other hand, the foot BG are still quite large in size, so it´d be a waste - a heroic death is always prefeable so you can make up some fairy tail stuff out of it ;)

    Fate is not without irony, as once was said, and therefore a hypohonder and/or lame general might gain incredible traits after surviving those, and that would not be the point, won´t it?!
    Though not really tacticaly sofisticated, you might watch for an expert enemy assasin, placing your hero where he can "threaten" an AI settlement - with luck you´ll get rid of him.
    A bribery might offer you unexpected opportunities: while that treacherous peace of scum might not be killed immidietly you could become a change to do it yourself - something that is denied to you while he is still a family member of your faction!
    (Scythed ) chariots are rumored to do wonders dealing with your dayly problems with inept generals; even if the coward flees, he won´t get too far away - the speed is, as often in live, decisive.
    Leaving a fate of a FM to the gods is not only wise, but also a fool proof decision - permanently retreating from the chasing ( superior ) enemy, you could finaly manage to bring him in a situation where no retreat is possible any more, far away from your or allied territory. The gods will take good care of him, that is for sure ( read: autoresolving a battle middle in nowhere )
    In case your subborn FM has managed to flee from the battlefield on any occasion, you might also find a truly glorious task for him: charging a single petifull soldier who is heroicaly fighting a unit of yours might cause your the spear of your the chosen men to stuck in his body, and thus not be able to escape anymore, while his retineu might gallop away ( read: sometimes, mostly during the sieges, a bug occures when couple of soldiers are stuck on the place fighting against already dead enemy, and if you are lucky, enemy soldiers might finaly bring your men down! )
    Running your inept idiot of a FM long enough on the battlefield without any plan might tire him sufficiently not to be able to escape even a slow moving heavy infantry.
    Charging ahead against a super veteran ( just to be sure! ) pahalangitai enemy unit might be the quickest way to get rid of those men, too.
    Challenging a charge of famous eastern cataphracts, while insulting everything sacred on earth in pharsi, or any other apropriate language, might also bring you highly desired results.
    An enemy unit of slingers ( positioned on a high ground somewhere in the mountains ), some poor Eleutheroi buggers, whom your hero FM would never see as a threat, but an easy bait, might also slove your problems; the good thing about it ( especially if they gain some experience after the skirmish ), you will even get a chance to reward this simple minded people for their duties on your empire and pay them well ( bribing them also gives you faction leader to gain some usefull experience in politics - solving problems which bother you, while organizing a generous and glorious aftershow party for you fallen hero! ).
    You also might try and position your men right behind the town palisade that is about to be brought down by a ram - rumors say that those who escape their fate might gain the favour of the gods, and thus be even more vulnurable for assasins hands ( i do remember reading somehwere on the forums those bricks of wooden wall are capable of killing soldiers ^^ ).
    Have you ever seen a man driven in the corner? Well, then you will definetly like my last suggestion on the subject! Let him starve! But... since the gods are mercifull, sometimes, they´ll might releave him from his pain and send a messanger to end his sufferings ( read: let your FM strand somewhere, starving, with 0 movement points, and wait for the enemy to end his worthless life ).

    Good luck! ;)
    - 10 mov. points :P

  12. #12
    Member Member Paltmull's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Sweden
    Posts
    498

    Default Re: Ways to kill off useless family members.

    Just do it via script!

    1. Find genericScript.txt in Rome - Total War\EB\Data\scripts\show_me and open it
    2. Put a semicolon before the line console_command toggle_perfect_spy
    3. Add the line console_command kill_character "[character name]" below it (without the brackets, but with the quotation marks. Look here for internal character names)
    4. Save the changes
    5. Load your campaign
    6. Press F1, and click the question mark button in the upper corner of the screen that appears
    7. Click the 'show me how' button
    8. And voila, your useless FM is no more!
    Last edited by Paltmull; 05-25-2011 at 22:45.

    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 


  13. #13
    Legatvs Member SwissBarbar's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Helvetia
    Posts
    1,905

    Default Re: Ways to kill off useless family members.

    If you are a western faction, send him eastwards to the lands of the Saka, if you are an eastern faction, send him to the wild lands of the Sweboz, and let him die by the hands of the fearsome warriors there. So far from home, he cannot retreat back to you own lands after a defeat and will DIIEEEEEE!
    Balloon-Count: x 15


    Many thanks to Hooahguy for this great sig.

  14. #14
    Member Member Burebista's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Bucharest, Romania
    Posts
    199

    Default Re: Ways to kill off useless family members.

    Quote Originally Posted by SwissBarbar View Post
    If you are a western faction, send him eastwards to the lands of the Saka, if you are an eastern faction, send him to the wild lands of the Sweboz, and let him die by the hands of the fearsome warriors there. So far from home, he cannot retreat back to you own lands after a defeat and will DIIEEEEEE!
    Or just send him to India. Elephants do wonders vs them...stomp stomp

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO