The Sands of Time - MoT diplomacy thread

[Nightbringer]

Well, what say you? Will you agree to this deal? The Sultan is willing to offer a sum of 10,000 florins for the castle of Metz. Additionally, I must warn you that any attempt to capture Rhiems or Paris will be seen as an act of hostility.

As to the war in Italy, can you not all see that this is madness. There is no reason that Genoa must be destroyed. They have taken illegitimate action to be sure, but they can be justly punished through reduction in power, not elimination. Show the compassion that your lord has taught you. For the time being, Genoa shall remain unmolested in Toulouse, and the Moorish caliph begs Sicily and Venice to see mercy by allowing Genoa to live on in their home city. Other settlements may be justly taken as a penalty for their starting this war.

[RexLegend]

We have another proposal: Give up your invasion plans on Greece and hand out all your Greek territories to Swabia and we will give you Metz and stop invading France except for Cologne. To be honest, Scandinavia doesn't care about shiny trinkets. One of few things we care about, is the well-being of our allies.

We hope this simple trade can prolong peaceful co-existance between our two great nations.

[Nightbringer]

We have another proposal: Give up your invasion plans on Greece and hand out all your Greek territories to Swabia and we will give you Metz and stop invading France except for Cologne. To be honest, Scandinavia doesn't care about shiny trinkets. One of few things we care about, is the well-being of our allies.

We hope this simple trade can prolong peaceful co-existance between our two great nations.

Invasion plans in Greece?
I have no idea what you are speaking about. It is true that the Moors came into possession of Corinth, but this was part of the war against the Byzantines, not any action against Swabia. If they have taken offense, we apologize, but were unaware.

As to your offer, we will indeed hand Corinth over to Swabia in exchange for Denmark handing over Metz.

[phonicsmonkey]

Ibn Battutah applauds the proposal.

It is good to see reason prevail over suspicion and mistrust. My master the Caliph would approve of this deal between honest men.

In case there is any suspicion as to my master's own motives I should like to announce to all gathered here that his claims on the western side of the hellespont extend only to those cities which were recently taken from us: Adrianople and this great city of Constantinople, at which inshallah we expect our great Caliph any day now.

While I am speaking I should like to make it known that the Caliph now considers the entire Eastern Mediterranean his private waters, from the southwestern point of Anatolia, to the island of Crete down to the north African coast and everything east of that line. No fleet, friend or foe, may enter this zone without express prior permission from the Caliph himself, on pain of immediate destruction.

Allah-u-akhbar!

[slysnake]

The Swabian emissary turns to the Moorish ambassador.

I think both you and the Dane have become, as you say, 'lost in translation'. I believe the message the Dane was trying to convey to your Sultan is that, whilst Swabia respects your presence in Corinth, both the Swabian and Danish Kings agree together that a trade of Metz for Corinth would be beneficial to both of our nations since the Danes are hardly in a situation where they need such money and Metz is more geographically and logistically viable to your Sultan than Corinth is.

The Swabian pulls out his finest bottle of wine and poors two glasses, one for the Moor, one for the Dane and one for himself.

I salute your Sultan for the acceptance of this gracious proposal, my King shall be most pleased that we have come to an agreement!

[Nightbringer]

The Swabian emissary turns to the Moorish ambassador.

I think both you and the Dane have become, as you say, 'lost in translation'. I believe the message the Dane was trying to convey to your Sultan is that, whilst Swabia respects your presence in Corinth, both the Swabian and Danish Kings agree together that a trade of Metz for Corinth would be beneficial to both of our nations since the Danes are hardly in a situation where they need such money and Metz is more geographically and logistically viable to your Sultan than Corinth is.

The Swabian pulls out his finest bottle of wine and poors two glasses, one for the Moor, one for the Dane and one for himself.

I salute your Sultan for the acceptance of this gracious proposal, my King shall be most pleased that we have come to an agreement!

The Moorish emissary lifts a glass to knowledge the Swabian's salute
And I salute the Kings of both your fine nations for their agreeableness on this matter.
He takes a long sip of the wine
A fine vintage, I thank you.

Now, with this matter settled so well, I hope we may also settle the matter of Genoa. Will the fine Kings of Swabia and Sicily have mercy upon them?

[phonicsmonkey]

He takes a long sip of the wine

Ibn Battutah shakes his head and tsks disapprovingly.

[Myth]

The Sicillian rubs his chin and looks at the map of the known world spread before him and converses with his retinue in a hushed tone.

"It is difficult to say my Lords. The King is in the field in Greece, and the young nobles assigned with this task take the assaulting on allies as a very grievous act. Leaving the Genoese at our borders will mean we will constantly need to have a levy present there in anticipation of further incursions on their part. And even if we were to call off our armies, Venetia would probably be impossible to convince, given that they have suffered the first blow of this war. I shal not put words into the Venetian diplomat's mouth, of course, but peace seems very unlikely. In order for Genoa to survive as a nation, it must abandon it's namesake city and the lands in Italia. A relocation North or East may suit them better.

I am sure the King would agree to pay 5000 florins for the costs of relocating the refugees to a remote land to whomever King or Sultan wishes to house them and grant them a province. But only if they return our African province and abandon their remaining cities in Italia."

[Nightbringer]

The Sicillian rubs his chin and looks at the map of the known world spread before him and converses with his retinue in a hushed tone.

"It is difficult to say my Lords. The King is in the field in Greece, and the young nobles assigned with this task take the assaulting on allies as a very grievous act. Leaving the Genoese at our borders will mean we will constantly need to have a levy present there in anticipation of further incursions on their part. And even if we were to call off our armies, Venetia would probably be impossible to convince, given that they have suffered the first blow of this war. I shal not put words into the Venetian diplomat's mouth, of course, but peace seems very unlikely. In order for Genoa to survive as a nation, it must abandon it's namesake city and the lands in Italia. A relocation North or East may suit them better.

I am sure the King would agree to pay 5000 florins for the costs of relocating the refugees to a remote land to whomever King or Sultan wishes to house them and grant them a province. But only if they return our African province and abandon their remaining cities in Italia."

The moorish Sultan would support such a move as well. Would the Doge be willing to do this?

[slysnake]

The moorish Sultan would support such a move as well. Would the Doge be willing to do this?

My Dodge sees such a proposal as a fitting idea, although all of us have yet to hear words from the mouth of the Genoese diplomat. As a great philosopher once said - "Peace cannot be kept by force. It can only be achieved by understanding." And so, it would seem, that it is that mutual understanding between our nations we require before we can move forwards with peace talks with Genoa...

[Ignoramus]

The Genoese emissary demurely replies.

"My Doge will give his answer shortly."

[Myth]

A messenger arrives. The Sicillian diplomat reads the scroll carefully and waves for the man to leave.

"Well as expected, Genoa and Piza have fallen, as no improvements have been made here between us my Lords. Our noblemen cannot risk the war effort and stall their armies. The Genoese Dodge has fortified himself near one of our cities, and King Drogo of Sicillia is behind him with an army.

I am also informed by the Royal treasurer that Sicilla that our levies have taken too much of a toll on our treasury and as such we will find it hard to finance a Genoese rellocation. We still wish for them to have a chance at a peaceful existence, though far from our borders and the lands of Italia."

[Mithridate]

Ibn Battutah shakes his head and tsks disapprovingly.

That sure made me giggle, it is a well tempered reaction though.

[slysnake]

The Swabian ambassador stands,

"It has come to our attention that Moorish spies have entered the lands around Frankfurt and Bologna. Whilst I am sure this is only an innocent movement of one's agents to another region, my King would still like to know of their intentions and why they have come to be positioned in Swabian lands."

[Nightbringer]

I apologize if you have taken affront to this, but we have simply positioned them there so as to watch our borders. If it offends you, they can be moved back into the edge of our territory. I assure you, there is no hostile intent.

[phonicsmonkey]

All the delegates are aware that the great city of Constantinople has been reclaimed by the armies of the Fatimid Caliph and the Byzantines ejected from the walls. Little has happened in the weeks since the re-occupation save that the greek icons and statues have once more been hauled away into storage and replaced with gilded calligraphed hadiths and mosaic works.

Ibn Battutah has been absent from the Courtroom for some days when, one morning, the conversations between the delegates are interrupted by a blare of trumpets.

The giant doors to the Courtroom swing slowly open and into the vast space parades a procession of ghulams in ceremonial garb, holding banners aloft and leading an elephant atop of which sits the Caliph himself, great Habushan of Al-Qahira, who styles himself Defender of the Faith and Prince of the Two Seas.

As the procession nears the throne it halts and the Caliph is helped down from his impressive mount by a pair of Nubians who clasp their hands together to form a step for his noble foot.

He ascends the dais as the great beast is led away and waits for the hubbub of conversation to abate before addressing those gathered.

Lords and Dignitaries of all the lands of the world, Bishmallah I address you today once more as Emir of this fine city, once the seat of my power and then rudely seized from me by the graceless and infidel Byzantine Greeks.

As it transpired this was to be but the glancing blow of the flailing arms of a drowning man. The so-called Romans are In shaa'Allah now scattered to the four winds, their brutish Basileos slain by my own hand in a great battle east of Nicaea. Now, under the leadership of some pup who can barely command the loyalty of those who remain aligned with his flag, they have but minutes left on this earth before our great alliance of Italy, Russia and Islam wipes them from the pages of history for ever more. Alhamdulillah!

I am most pleased to be able to host you here once more. In recognition of this momentous occasion this city will be renamed Al-Habushani and will form the seat of my empire from this day forth until the sun sets on the Caliphate forever, may the accursed day never come.

[phonicsmonkey]

Ibn-Battutah stands, a grave expression on his face.

I hereby announce, in the name of Caliph Habushan, that a jihad has been called upon the Kingdom of Sicily in order to reclaim North Africa and bring the Islamic peoples under the graceful banner of the Defender of the Faithful.

Great armies and fleets have been mobilized under the crescent moon and the armies of Islam have this season captured Athens and Sparta from the Sicilian infidels.

The Swabian navy has been blockaded at its ports at Arta and Corinth and will not be allowed to leave while hostilities are in progress between the Caliph and the Normans.

We beseech the allies of Sicily, the Swabians and the Tsar of Russia, to stay out of this conflict. If you join this war, our own allies the Moors will be forced to make war upon you wherever you are to be found.

This conflict can have only one end - the ultimate victory of Islam over the Sicilian infidel and the return of North Africa to the bosom of faith - do not stand in the way of mighty Allah!

[Nightbringer]

Ibn-Battutah stands, a grave expression on his face.

I hereby announce, in the name of Caliph Habushan, that a jihad has been called upon the Kingdom of Sicily in order to reclaim North Africa and bring the Islamic peoples under the graceful banner of the Defender of the Faithful.

Great armies and fleets have been mobilized under the crescent moon and the armies of Islam have this season captured Athens and Sparta from the Sicilian infidels.

The Swabian navy has been blockaded at its ports at Arta and Corinth and will not be allowed to leave while hostilities are in progress between the Caliph and the Normans.

We beseech the allies of Sicily, the Swabians and the Tsar of Russia, to stay out of this conflict. If you join this war, our own allies the Moors will be forced to make war upon you wherever you are to be found.

This conflict can have only one end - the ultimate victory of Islam over the Sicilian infidel and the return of North Africa to the bosom of faith - do not stand in the way of mighty Allah!

The Kingdom of Denmark is also encouraged to stay out of this war. It is a result of the Sicilians refusal to follow through on their promise to turn over North Africa after defeating the Byzantines.

There is no reason for the northern nations to involve themselves in this war, as it will only bring suffering to the people.

[slysnake]

Ibn-Battutah stands, a grave expression on his face.

I hereby announce, in the name of Caliph Habushan, that a jihad has been called upon the Kingdom of Sicily in order to reclaim North Africa and bring the Islamic peoples under the graceful banner of the Defender of the Faithful.

Great armies and fleets have been mobilized under the crescent moon and the armies of Islam have this season captured Athens and Sparta from the Sicilian infidels.

The Swabian navy has been blockaded at its ports at Arta and Corinth and will not be allowed to leave while hostilities are in progress between the Caliph and the Normans.

We beseech the allies of Sicily, the Swabians and the Tsar of Russia, to stay out of this conflict. If you join this war, our own allies the Moors will be forced to make war upon you wherever you are to be found.

This conflict can have only one end - the ultimate victory of Islam over the Sicilian infidel and the return of North Africa to the bosom of faith - do not stand in the way of mighty Allah!

The Swabian emissary stands, startled.

My King needs time to gather his thoughts on this issue. To him, this feels like an utmost betrayal. We kindly surrendered Jerusalem to your forces and left the holy lands to return to Europe. We stayed out of your waters surrounding west Turkey. We made trade. And now you repay us by blockading our ports and waging war on our allies?

[phonicsmonkey]

The Swabian emissary stands, startled.

My King needs time to gather his thoughts on this issue. To him, this feels like an utmost betrayal. We kindly surrendered Jerusalem to your forces and left the holy lands to return to Europe. We stayed out of your waters surrounding west Turkey. We made trade. And now you repay us by blockading our ports and waging war on our allies?

Ibn-Battutah responds.

We have been in negotiations with the Sicilian King for some time but we have failed to find a resolution to our dispute over North Africa, which pre-dates our alliance against the Byzantines and was set aside at that time by mutual agreement.

It is unfortunate that we have had to take these steps to secure our rightful claims, and we regret having to insure our own victory by blockading Swabian ports. We are happy to lift the blockade should we receive an assurance of neutrality from the Swabian King and are able to negotiate certain other terms in private.

[slysnake]

Ibn-Battutah responds.

We have been in negotiations with the Sicilian King for some time but we have failed to find a resolution to our dispute over North Africa, which pre-dates our alliance against the Byzantines and was set aside at that time by mutual agreement.

It is unfortunate that we have had to take these steps to secure our rightful claims, and we regret having to insure our own victory by blockading Swabian ports. We are happy to lift the blockade should we receive an assurance of neutrality from the Swabian King and are able to negotiate certain other terms in private.

The Swabian frowns.

Whilst this sounds very-much amicable towards my King, how can we be sure that, upon taking Sicilian lands, you will not simply send your armies into Europe? Even more so, the fact that the Moors are speaking up at this time leads us to believe that this little venture of your's is part of something bigger against the currently peaceful nations of Europe?

[phonicsmonkey]

The Swabian frowns.

Whilst this sounds very-much amicable towards my King, how can we be sure that, upon taking Sicilian lands, you will not simply send your armies into Europe? Even more so, the fact that the Moors are speaking up at this time leads us to believe that this little venture of your's is part of something bigger against the currently peaceful nations of Europe?

Ibn Battutah gestures to the Swabian to follow him to an antechamber for a private discussion.

[Nightbringer]

The Moors are involved for the same reasons as the Fatimids, and simply wish to see the lands of North Africa returned to Muslim hands. The Fatimids have kindly taken a lead in the negotiations, but the North African lands in question were to be divided between us and the Fatimids.

[Myth]

Treacherous curs, did you lose all sense of honour along with the tips of your mutilated manhoods?

Sicilly has made no promises to grant our lands in Africa to any of your lot, do not spread lies! You have been met with naught but defiance whenever you grasped at our sovereign lands. And do not think my king a fool, your actions were made apparent to him long ago. You will now be given a stern lesson in hand to hand diplomacy.

The Moors should drop their act, it does not befit honest warriors. Or are these fleets assembled in the Mediterranean somehow free of charge and made to pretty up the landscape?

[Nightbringer]

Hah! It is you who are the lier Sicilian. You most certainly agreed to discuss the matter of North Africa, and made it clear you would be willing to exchange those provinces for just compensation once the Byzantines were gone.

From the very start it was made clear to you that refusal to turn over these lands for compensation would result in war, and now you accuse us of treachery? It i you who have proven treacherous, simply using the conflict with the Byzantines to increase your own strength so that you could better resist us once you finally made it clear you had no intention of returning the Muslim lands of Africa.

[Nigel]

A tense silence has settled over the council room.
Some diplomats pretend to read through their documents, while others just lean back in their seats.
The Swabian and the Fatimid diplomat have returned from their private discussion - their faces betray nothing.

"Only a handful of desert sand." Vassili Alexandrovic thinks to himself.

[RexLegend]

Scandinavian diplomat arises with grim and serious face

Kingdom of Scandinavia has declared war on Poland and England.

Dear Poles. Swabia and Scandinavia have declared war on you since we need money from sacking and looting your territories. As we are at war, we thought demanding the concessions of Wroclaw, Prague, Vienna and Eszterzegom would be fair enough and we recommend you to accept these demands immediately. Unless you want a big and long bloody war. We do not negotiate for lesser terms in any way.

And for England... Your silence has been insulting and threatening to our sovereignty. Our spies have also reported that you and Moors are working together. These reasons are strong enough to start war to cut your strength down.

And you... moors. May Allahu give you enough sand to create path to Scandinavia and Swabia. It must be difficult to be used with green colors instead of yellowish one.
Going into overwhelmingly full-scale Great War for handful of sandy African lands is either very stupid or very, very brave action. All what matters is that you triggered the war. Don't blame the chain reactions. While you control half of Old World, you still want homely Africa... I could also demand from you to handle back all the former France and Iberia back to local nations.

Ridiculous...

[Nightbringer]

Scandinavian diplomat arises with grim and serious face

Kingdom of Scandinavia has declared war on Poland and England.

Dear Poles. Swabia and Scandinavia have declared war on you since we need money from sacking and looting your territories. As we are at war, we thought demanding the concessions of Wroclaw, Prague, Vienna and Eszterzegom would be fair enough and we recommend you to accept these demands immediately. Unless you want a big and long bloody war. We do not negotiate for lesser terms in any way.

And for England... Your silence has been insulting and threatening to our sovereignty. Our spies have also reported that you and Moors are working together. These reasons are strong enough to start war to cut your strength down.

And you... moors. May Allahu give you enough sand to create path to Scandinavia and Swabia. It must be difficult to be used with green colors instead of yellowish one.
Going into overwhelmingly full-scale Great War for handful of sandy African lands is either very stupid or very, very brave action. All what matters is that you triggered the war. Don't blame the chain reactions. While you control half of Old World, you still want homely Africa... I could also demand from you to handle back all the former France and Iberia back to local nations.

Ridiculous...

Ah, but you never did request that we do so.

To the other diplomats

You see their bloodthirsty nature? They attack the polish for no reason other than to loot their lands. Surely the world must come together in arms against these madmen.

[Zim]

I would say the Danes were now showing their true colors but I suspect all of us were aware their bloodthirsty nature, not much slaked since their destruction of Norway, was bound to come out again.

See how quick they are to declare war without provocation, giving diplomats only a few days to respond to their threatening message. A message obviously sent in bad faith, given their prepared forces off the coast of Scotland. We can only be glad we did not reply quicker with messages of peace, as they would only use the time to prepare an even larger attack and betrayal.

It is with sad hearts that we find ourselves aligned with Muslims against those of the true faith. But when it is the infidels who show themselves closer to the spirit of Christ and the so called christians betray the trust of their coreligionists and attack their peaceful neighbors, what choice do we have?

Head bowed and moveing slowly as if weighted with a great burden, the diplomat makes the sign of the cross and sits back down.

[phonicsmonkey]

Ibn-Battutah rises to speak on behalf of the Caliph. His eyes are steely with determination and a he has a strange, exhultant air about him.

Alhumdulillah! The armies of Islam are indeed on the march - the Caliph's forces have captured Benghazi from the hated Sicilians, and both Thessalonica and Sofia from the accursed Swabians!

In the battle of Sofia many brave men were slain - but few of the faithful! The Swabian ruler lies among the dead, his bones picked by crows..

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Let this serve as a warning to those rulers who have not yet declared their neutrality in this conflict (he shoots a piercing look at the Rus representative), that by their lack of words they risk condemning themselves to the same fate...