Dealing with information.

[Fisherking]

I guess I am a little shocked but it is something better shared and perhaps some of you may have some insights.


I have a very dear friend whom I have known for about 40 years. We were in the army together on the same tank for over a year. One of the mainstays of my platoon at the time.

After the army we lived in the same town after we got out. I knew his whole family and we had mostly the same circle of friends.

He was married for about 30 years with 9 children. About a year ago, after a tight but loosing political campaign, his mother took sick and his wife, who was seriously the love of his life, was diagnosed with terminal cancer.

He withdrew being a bit overwhelmed with all the seriousness and having to care for the kids, 7 are still at home.

I worried about him and thought of him often.

Today I learned through a third party that he has taken on a female persona using his mothers name. He has not contacted me but he is a dear friend.

Still I am hesitant to contact him because I don’t know if he wants contact with the past or exactly what to do. He/She is a friend and what makes them happy is fine by me....but...

Any brilliant minds out there want to offer thought on this?

[The Lurker Below]

I worried about him and thought of him often.

I would just consider asking the same questions before you learned the most recent updates. If you were not considering sending him a birthday card before then, perhaps don't bother with it now. It's a difficult balancing act.

One thing that can never be taken from us is our memories. Do we leave future memories unmade for fear of scarring the fond memories we currently carry? Hoping whichever choice you make works out for you and your friend. Good luck.

[Fragony]

I would just leave him be and don't contact him. You would probably do more harm than good.

Edit: talk about dealing with information. The mother of my sister's husband passed away yesterday. His first reaction was calling her to inform her she's dead. That's so sad. Must have hit him really hard.