News of the Weird

[Husar]

Idaho women are tough; one woman is impaled by a tree branch through her neck while riding in a car, and remains conscious while they drive an hour to the nearest nurse.
WARNING! Disturbing pictures included!

CR

Wow.
(Oh, and since this is the Backroom, note that she has no insurance... )

[Lemur]

Couple having sex in trash can robbed by egg-wielding fiends

WICHITA, Kan. -- A tender moment in a trash bin went all wrong for a couple who found themselves being held up at pocket knifepoint.

Wichita police say two 44-year-olds had climbed into a Dumpster to be alone just after 6 p.m. Saturday when two men interrupted them and demanded their belongings.

Officers say the man and woman were engaged in "an intimate moment" when they were robbed of their shoes, jewelry and the man's wallet.

Police said one of the robbers was a 64-year-old man who egged his 59-year-old companion on during the robbery.

[Gregoshi]

Couple having sex in trash can robbed by egg-wielding fiends

Police said one of the robbers was a 64-year-old man who egged his 59-year-old companion on during the robbery.

I don't think any egg were involved.

Choose your path to punnery:

1) Trashy sex robs couple of dignity.
2) White trash of a different kind (or not).
3) Woman dumpster husband.
4) Did they get his family jewels?
5) If she gets pregnant, would she have a litter?
6) Hardened Criminals Rob Hardened Victim

[Samurai Waki]

Idaho women are tough; one woman is impaled by a tree branch through her neck while riding in a car, and remains conscious while they drive an hour to the nearest nurse.
WARNING! Disturbing pictures included!

CR

Yeah Dude, read all about that, happened about an hour and half drive from where I live, and then they also sent her to my Hospital using the life flight.

[Hosakawa Tito]

Tax law is pretty complicated, but still...

"It's a holistic approach to medicine," William G. Halby told Forbes.

[Gregoshi]

Tax law is pretty complicated, but still...

Well, if the IRS wants you to report all illegal income for tax purposes, then you should likewise be able to get deductions based on illegal activities too. Besides, in this case we are talking about income tax laws...

[InsaneApache]

We must get to the root of this immediatley. Send for Special Branch!

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Police in Staffordshire are investigating the mysterious case of a garden that vanished from behind a suburban home and reappeared — plants, rockery, shed and flowers — in the backyard of the house next door.

Phil and Linzi Woodhouse were alerted to the disappearance of the contents of their garden, in Cannock, Staffordshire, by Mrs Woodhouse’s mother, who went round to check on the house while the couple and their four children were in Lanzarote.

The family had left Staffordshire, informing their next door neighbours that they were emigrating and putting their house on the market.

While in Lanzarote, Mrs Woodhouse, 28, said: “I had a call from my mother to ask what we had done to our garden. So we asked her whether she had her glasses on because we hadn’t done anything.”

When the couple returned to investigate, they found that the shed, the garden path, the rockery, the pot plants and the hanging baskets had all disappeared. Even the flowers had been dug up. The cultivated space behind their house had been transformed into a bare yard of earth and grass.

A different transformation had occurred next door. Where Mrs Woodhouse remembered an overgrown yard, there was now a familiar-looking shed along with pot plants, hanging baskets, paving slabs and flowers.

The Woodhouses reported the disappearance of their garden to the police. Though the crime did not appear to require the expertise of Special Branch, or even the cultivation of an informant — a grass, as it were, to help them to locate the missing garden — there was still some dispute last night as to how the garden had come to reappear next door.

Brian Johnson, 40, the couple’s next door neighbour, claimed that he had been led down the garden path by a third party who sold him the plants, the rockery, the shed and, indeed, the garden path itself for £220.

The identity of this garden “fence” was not disclosed, although Mr Johnson is understood to have claimed that this third party was known to Mr and Mrs Woodhouse.

Police said that they were looking into “an alleged crime of theft at the property”. They have advised the couple to organise the recovery of their property.

Mrs Woodhouse said that the disappearance of their garden had devalued their house. “We’re trying to sell our house but now the garden looks terrible,” she said. “My husband spent £600 building that fence from scratch and the plants must be about £80 as well.”

She added: “I was furious but sometimes we can’t help but laugh about it — it’s just so bizarre.”

She managed to speak to Mr Johnson only once about how her garden had come to be relocated next door.

“Most of what I said was unrepeatable,” she said. “I think I was just screaming, ‘It’s mine, it’s mine’.

“He said he bought them off somebody else and kept apologising and said he’d put them back. But he hasn’t so far.”

Yesterday Mr Johnson could not be reached for comment. The police were still attempting to get to the root of the crime. “We will investigate this matter fully,” a spokesman said last night.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/new...cle6843475.ece

[Hosakawa Tito]

Rumor has it the mysterious shrubbery salesman was approximately 12 feet tall dressed as a knight with short arms and had reindeer antlers sticking out his helmet...

[Lemur]

This doesn't sound like the firearm safety class I attended ....

40-year-old James Looney accidentally shot himself to death last Friday, September 18, while teaching his girlfriend a lesson on firearm safety.

The incident occurred in a residence in Imperial -- about 20 miles south of St. Louis. According to witnesses, Looney's teaching method involved him placing the gun to his head and asking his girlfriend if the gun would go off.

Looney apparently did this with two other firearms and varied safety mechanisms, before the last one actually fired into his head.

[drone]

This doesn't sound like the firearm safety class I attended ....

Sounds like the patented Deerhunter Firearms Safety course.

[InsaneApache]

Amazing isn't it? When I did firearm training it was drilled into us that you never, ever point your rifle at anything that you didn't want to shoot. Especially when you think the gun is unloaded.

Always clear the breach and look into it to make sure that there's no round lurking in there.

Still I hope he's learned his lesson.

[Hosakawa Tito]

Looney's teaching method involved him placing the gun to his head and asking his girlfriend if the gun would go off.

Did she get the last one right or not? Doesn't say...

you never, ever point your rifle at anything that you didn't want to shoot

Simplest safety rule in the world init? Assume every gun is loaded, never point the damn thing at anything you don't intend to shoot, never pull the trigger to check if it's loaded visually check the breech for a clear and safe weapon.

[drone]

Simplest safety rule in the world init? Assume every gun is loaded, never point the damn thing at anything you don't intend to shoot, never pull the trigger to check if it's loaded visually check the breech for a clear and safe weapon.

I have to pull the trigger on my handgun to take it apart for cleaning. Even after dropping the mag and racking the slide a couple of times, it still gives me the willies to pull that trigger, and I've got it aimed at a floor corner. At the head? Didi mau! mau!

[naut]

What's that Orange Fog?

Woke up this morning to about 20m of visability and thick, thick clouds of orange dust. Sureal, like a crazy dream or something.

Divine Punishment, or Something More Sinister?

[CountArach]

What's that Orange Fog?

You may have seen this on my Facebook, but there was also a zombie sighting. Truly it was the apocalypse. Oh and my favourite article about the entire thing was this one:

Mick told ABC Online: "In Sydney's south-western suburbs I've just woken up to a glowing red window! Thought it was Armageddon! Either that or South Korea [sic] had nuked us!"
[...]
Another said: "I went out for a ride on my bicycle and I ended up looking like a red panda."

[Lemur]

Woman survives a week in the wilderness by sucking water from her own hair

While driving on a mountain road near Central City, Colo., Cynthia swerved to avoid a herd of deer. Her car rolled off the road and 350 feet down a steep hillside. She broke eleven ribs, cracked her vertebrae and punctured her lung. [...]

She was alone in the woods for five days, basically crawling on her face, through a cold front of rain, sleet and hail. This moisture would prove to be life-sustaining, as she sucked on her hair to keep from becoming completely dehydrated during her ordeal.

Eventually she managed to crawl 450 feet away from the mining operation and attracted the attention of the workers, who were only there on a fluke since the mine was supposed to be closed that day -- by calling out. They found her with a swollen face and a mouth full of dirt from dragging herself with her face on the ground.

[Lemur]

Mafia crocodile seized by the coppers

Italian police say they have seized a crocodile they believe was used by a suspected mafia boss to terrorise people into paying protection money.

The reptile was 1.7m (5.5ft) long and weighed 40kg (88lb). It was found during a weapons search at the man's home in the southern town of Caserta.

It was kept on the terrace and fed live rabbits in full view of neighbouring homes, police said.

[Lemur]

Ghostshark features sexual organ on its forehead

The new species, the Eastern Pacific black ghostshark (Hydrolagus melanophasma), was described in the international journal Zootaxa.

'It’s a big weird looking freaky thing,' said co-author Doug Long of the California Academy of Sciences.

'They have this club on the top of their head with spikes. People think it’s used for mating.

'It’s like a little mace with little spikes and hooks and it fits into their forehead. It’s jointed and it comes out. We’re not sure if it is used to stimulate the female or hold the female closer.

[drone]

Ghostshark features sexual organ on its forehead

It's not a sexual organ, it's a frickin' laser!

[Banquo's Ghost]

I liked the implication of one of the comments: Having a sexual organ on its head means it should be named the Gordon Brown Shark.

[Lemur]

Gym Weights Cut From Man's Genitals

Firefighters had to be called to an emergency room in Newport Beach to help save a man's penis when it got stuck in the hole of a steel dumbbell, Costa Mesa newspaper The Daily Pilot reported.

Costa Mesa police said the man was attempting to enlarge the size of his penis. Authorities said the man's organ had swollen to five times its normal size.

The man initially refused treatment but officials at the Hoag Memorial Hospital Presbyterian explained to the man if he waited any longer to remove the fastener the flesh in his penis would die.

[Kadagar_AV]

Link in Swedish

Gazprom, a HUGE russian gas company, is now doing business with Nigeria.

The project title? Nigaz...



I think we have a clear winner of the "foot in the mouth award".

[Ronin]

Prisioner Drunk on Alcohol Gel

A Dorset prison has removed anti-bacterial hand gel pumps, which contain alcohol, after an inmate reportedly got drunk on them.

The gel was made available on Monday at HMP The Verne in Portland to help combat the spread of swine flu.

But the Prison Officers Association (POA) said within hours there had been an incident with an intoxicated inmate.

The Prison Service said the pumps were removed as a "precautionary measure" and an investigation was under way.

It´s miller time!!!

[Hooahguy]

Prisioner Drunk on Alcohol Gel



It´s miller time!!!

ha! i knew there was a reason i rejoined the backroom!

[Lemur]

Orlando strip club gives seniors flu shots

Amid the shiny stripper poles, strobe-lit stages and scantily-clad performers at Rachel's Gentlemen's Club, you'll find Barbara and Sylvia, two old beauties who come for the free food and flu shots -- and stay for the ambiance.

"I love it, I want to know where the girls got those sexy stockings that stop up here. I need some of those," said Sylvia.

Every year around this time, the flesh den in the small town of Cassleberry, north of Orlando, offers the shots in a setting way more exciting than a sterile doctor's office.

And the return of the complimentary lunch buffet has geriatrics coming in droves. [...]

The gray hairs don't seem to mind the skin show.

"I think it's great. I wish I had some of these figures like these gals do, they're beautiful girls," Becker said.

If you're hoping to get the shot from a stripper in a sexy nurse outfit, no dice. The shots are administered by registered nurses in the club's VIP room.

[Aemilius Paulus]

Link in Swedish

Gazprom, a HUGE russian gas company, is now doing business with Nigeria.

The project title? Nigaz...

That is very old news. And being a Russian myself, the title makes perfect sense. We have that firmly-entrenched Soviet habit of abbreviations executed in this manner. GazProm, KomBat, UkrSoc, RusNeft, etc. They all follow the same, invariable pattern. And it is Niggaz. NigeriaGaz (Nigerian Natral Gas).

I do not see why we have to stoop down to the level of Western political correctness, deviate from our accepted form of business and check every dictionary in the world lest one of our names resembles an obscenity in some other language. This is an American problem that they have racism, not ours, to the contrary of what the Internet made it appear.

Prisioner Drunk on Alcohol Gel
It´s miller time!!!

Heh, I remember I had a psychology teacher in high school who served as the county prison director (or whatever you call the head of a state prison. He had a gargantuan display of improvised weapons he confiscated from the prisoners in his classroom. He was also fond of telling me stories of his prison experience, as I sat right by his desk. Half of his stories were about to what degree the prisoners would go to get high. Sniffing petrol, sniffing gold, sniffing paint, drinking paint thinners, etc...

@Lemur:
Is that not bound to scare away the primary customers of the club? Or the 20-early 30-year olds? The senior citizens part that is. What sort of youthful adult wants to see that while he is savouring a stripper or receiving a lap dance?

[Husar]

That is very old news. And being a Russian myself, the title makes perfect sense. We have that firmly-entrenched Soviet habit of abbreviations executed in this manner. GazProm, KomBat, UkrSoc, RusNeft, etc. They all follow the same, invariable pattern. And it is Niggaz. NigeriaGaz (Nigerian Natral Gas).

I do not see why we have to stoop down to the level of Western political correctness, deviate from our accepted form of business and check every dictionary in the world lest one of our names resembles an obscenity in some other language. This is an American problem that they have racism, not ours, to the contrary of what the Internet made it appear.

Well, first of all, what Kadagar posted was old news and should file under Lemur's disease.

And secondly, it's great that you go ahead with the name, I'm not sure anyone on the internet actually accuses you of racism, most people probably just find it funny, including myself.

[naut]

This is an American problem that they have racism, not ours, to the contrary of what the Internet made it appear.

Zenit St. Racistberg begs to differ, but that is another topic entirely.

[InsaneApache]

Shurely shum mishtake!

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Area Schomaker of Lincoln said he never intended to hurt the 6-month-old cat, Shadow.

Sheriff's deputies responding to a domestic disturbance at the residence fined the 20-year-old Schomaker on suspicion of misdemeanour animal cruelty on Sunday after catching him smoking marijuana from a boxlike contraption that had the cat stuffed inside its 12-inch by 6-inch base.

Schomaker's girlfriend, Marissa Vieux, also was fined for animal cruelty because she didn't try to stop Schomaker, Sgt Andy Stebbing said.

Vieux, 22, said she took in the cat about two months ago from friends who abused it.

Schomaker said the cat would bite and scratch them but he did nt want to discipline it by swatting or squirting water at it. He said they did not bring it to an animal shelter because they feared it would be put down.

So Schomaker said he decided to use the makeshift pipe because he had heard about people calming their pets by blowing marijuana smoke in their faces.

"I know for sure this isn't the first time someone has done this," he said. "I'm just the first one to get caught."

He said he put the cat in the bong a total of three times and it seemed to calm the cat.

"Every time we took her out she would pretty much just lay down and proceed to clean herself and act like a stoned person," Schomaker said.

The bong had a foot-long piece of garden hose coming out of a Plexiglas box, with the top secured with duct tape. Schomaker said the pipe was constructed in such a way that the cat did not get immersed in smoke to the extent some might believe.

Schomaker said law enforcement and animal specialists lectured him about why what he did was cruel, and that he learned from his mistake

[Hosakawa Tito]

Keep on trucking.