News of the Weird

[Lemur]

Porn mag editor fired for insufficient smut. Now that's being let go with cause, if ever I heard it.

The former editor of Men Only has won an industrial tribunal for unfair dismissal after being shown the door for refusing requests to use younger models and "bigger and more graphic photos", The Evening Standard reports.

[Gregoshi]

"bigger and more graphic photos"

You just need to adjust the setting on your digital camera to "Large" (JPG) or RAW...but that won't make the pictures any smuttier. You need to set the camera to a slower smutter speed or open your aperature wider - apparently having your subject underexposed gets you fired from Men Only magazine (why does that sound like a magazine with no women in it?). Get the picture?

[Hosakawa Tito]

No more Icy Hot baths for me.

[ShadesPanther]

Apparently Russians can be Ninjas too.... in Italy

[Gregoshi]

When asked about his chosen disguise, he told police he had been inspired by his boyhood idol - Robin Hood.

Ah, Ninja's in Tights (tight Tights!)

[Pannonian]

Not exactly news, but England triumphs against Norman Conquest.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

He is best known for being the Australian goalkeeper in a 1951 match between Australia and an English FA representative side at the Sydney Showground which Australia lost 17-0.

[drone]

Here's a man with his priorities in order:

Man shot after refusing to surrender beer

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Man shot after refusing to surrender beer
The Arizona Republic
A man was shot early Sunday when he refused to give an attacker his 12-pack of beer.
Phoenix police reported the man suffered four gunshot wounds to the stomach, leg and groin. His injuries were described as serious, but not life-threatening.
The victim was returning home from purchasing the beer about 5 a.m near Seventh Street and Broadway Road when an unidentified man approached him and demanded the alcohol, police said.
When the victim refused, the shooter opened fire with a .45 caliber handgun, police said.
The victim was transported to a local hospital. He is expected to recover, police said.

[Ser Clegane]

Squirrel Assaults Three Before Being Killed By A Pensioner

An aggressive squirrel went on the rampage in southern Germany on Tuesday, injuring three people. But a 72-year-old pensioner finally put a stop to the mayhem, killing the creature stone dead with his crutch.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Now the dead animal is being examined for rabies.

Most squirrels are harmless little creatures. But one aggressive squirrel went on the rampage on Tuesday injuring three.
Most squirrels are cute and harmless little scamps who are happy to jump around gathering nuts -- but on Tuesday one of the furry creatures launched a vicious and unprovoked attack, injuring three innocent members of the public.

The incident occured in Passau, a town in the state of Bavaria, Germany. Police report that the rampaging rodent jumped through an open patio door and bit an eldery lady on the hand. The squirrel clung on with such tenacity that the 70-year-old victim panicked and ran out into the street. It was only then that she managed to shake off the creature.

The animal then found its next victim: a 33-year-old construction worker, who received scratches to his hand and arm. But the man managed to defend himself and wasn't bitten.

According to a police spokesman, the furious squirrel then fled to an adjoining garden and attacked a 72-year-old man. But he had met his match in this particular pensioner, who killed the animal with his crutch.

The dead animal has been taken to a lab to be tested for rabies.

It was not the first incident of squirrel invasions in Germany. Just last year a family of raucous squirrels stormed (more...) an elderly couple's home in Germany, triggering an elaborate 90-minute fire brigade operation. But, although the squirrels didn't go without a fight, no one was injured in that incident.

[InsaneApache]

Death by crutch? That's well weird. Now why does an image of Paris hilton keep popping into my head?

[InsaneApache]

It ranks as one of the oddest police chases ever recorded.

When two bobbies on the beat received a distress call from a colleague on the other side of town, they did not have a squad car at their disposal to race to the scene - so they commandeered two rickshaws instead.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/new...cle1926677.ece

[Avicenna]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/6748785.stm

Barley got anything to drink? Have a few pints!

[Husar]

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/new...cle1926677.ece

As the ride hotted up, the pair rang their bells to clear the road of traffic - while one of the officers, PC Sue Beament, made siren noises.

Good tactic in a chase.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

For clarification: Siren

[Lemur]

Urban camping.

[English assassin]

Park that in central london and it would be worth about £250,000

[drone]

Woman jailed for testicle attack

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

A woman who ripped off her ex-boyfriend's testicle with her bare hands has been sent to prison.

Amanda Monti, 24, flew into a rage when Geoffrey Jones, 37, rejected her advances at the end of a house party, Liverpool Crown Court heard.

She pulled off his left testicle and tried to swallow it, before spitting it out. A friend handed it back to Mr Jones saying: "That's yours."

Ex-girlfriends = Danger

[English assassin]

A friend handed it back to Mr Jones saying: "That's yours."

That is just so English it makes me want to go and slap a frenchman*


* not really

[Blodrast]

Woman jailed for testicle attack

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

A woman who ripped off her ex-boyfriend's testicle with her bare hands has been sent to prison.

Amanda Monti, 24, flew into a rage when Geoffrey Jones, 37, rejected her advances at the end of a house party, Liverpool Crown Court heard.

She pulled off his left testicle and tried to swallow it, before spitting it out. A friend handed it back to Mr Jones saying: "That's yours."

Ex-girlfriends = Danger

Whew, thank goodness for friends!

[Avicenna]

Not exactly 'weird' as such, though...

[Blodrast]

Not exactly 'weird' as such, though...

If a chick ripping one dude's ball out, trying to swallow it, and a friend giving it back to the poor guy, is not weird, then I know I don't wanna live in your neighbourhood!

[Banquo's Ghost]

Scientist too weird for DARPA.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

US prof plans to send message back in time

Unaccountably fails to get DARPA funding
By Lewis Page
Published Thursday 14th June 2031 16:41 GMT

A West Coast scientist who believes it may be possible to transmit information backwards through time has been funded by individual donations after established mad-scientist groups refused to cough up.

John Cramer, a physicist at the University of Washington, reckons that "quantum retrocausality" could "involve signalling, or communication, in reverse time."

The El Reg science desk passed this one over to us at the engineering-degree-a-long-time-ago desk, and all we really know about quantum is that it's pretty wild stuff.
We do know about DARPA, though, the US military's famously wacky research bureau. DARPA has happily funded all kinds of crazy stunts, including Terminator cyborg moths, mind-reading electrode hats, terror casinos - you name it. "Mad scientists are good scientists" is almost the DARPA motto.

But DARPA wouldn't fund Cramer. It said his planned experiment was "too weird". Coming from them, this does seem unfair. All Cramer wants to start with is a few lasers, prisms, splitters, fibre-optics, and suchlike doodads. He's not asking for a beautiful girl strapped to a table, living brains in bubbling jars, lightning, dead bodies, enormous monkeys, fossilized dinosaur DNA, or anything seriously outre.

"I'm not crazy," he told the Seattle Post-Intelligencer. "I don't know if this experiment will work, but I can't see why it won't. People are skeptical about this, but I think we can learn something, even if it fails."

Others think so too. A diverse collection of private donors has apparently chipped in $35,000+ to get Cramer's experiments underway. They include a Vegas music-biz exec, a biotech scientist, and Richard Miller, an artist and photographer based in Washington state.

"I would say the predicted failure of this project is probably a good omen," Miller told the Post-Intelligencer. "Most predictions are wrong."

"Artists have experienced non-local space all along, we just can't prove it," he added mysteriously.

Cramer plans to attempt some basic instantaneous faster-than-light communication next month with his donation-funded rig. If that's successful, he reckons that mainstream funding will arrive and he can have a crack at sending information back though time.

It does seem a trifle odd, if the theory is sound, that Cramer hasn't already received advance notification of his success. Perhaps he has, and is keeping it secret. If one dons one's tinfoil hat, this line of thinking might easily lead to an explanation for DARPA's otherwise unaccountable lack of interest, too.

[Lemur]

Unfortunate wording:

[CountArach]

Lmao!

[Whacker]

Unfortunate wording:

Unfortunate Sign

That could be interpreted wrongly in a number of ways.

[ShadesPanther]

Russians seem to keep confusing Aftershave for Aftershock

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Lead researcher Professor David Leon said: "We're talking about things like eau de cologne and aftershave which are widely available at kiosks and cheaper because they are not subject to excise duty.

[Lemur]

Keeping with the drinking theme, Applebee's serves a toddler a margarita in a sippy cup. How enlightened!

Kim Mayorga was confused when her 2-year-old started making funny faces and pushing away the apple juice he had ordered at Applebee's. The explanation came when she opened the lid of the sippy cup and was hit by the smell of tequila and Triple Sec.

How did this happen?

The apple juice and margarita mix were stored in identical plastic bottles, and the manager mistakenly grabbed the margarita container to pour the boy's drink, said Randy Tei, vice president for Apple Bay East Inc.

[Bijo]

I am in no way a violent person

Naturally.

[Crazed Rabbit]

Woman jailed for testicle attack

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

A woman who ripped off her ex-boyfriend's testicle with her bare hands has been sent to prison.

Amanda Monti, 24, flew into a rage when Geoffrey Jones, 37, rejected her advances at the end of a house party, Liverpool Crown Court heard.

She pulled off his left testicle and tried to swallow it, before spitting it out. A friend handed it back to Mr Jones saying: "That's yours."

Ex-girlfriends = Danger

Hmmm...

In a letter to the court, Monti said she was sorry for what she had done.

She said: "It was never my intention to cause harm to Geoff and the fact that I have caused him injury will live with me forever. I am in no way a violent person."

Never her intention to cause harm? Then what was she trying to do?

Crazed Rabbit

[Bijo]

Maybe she found herself in a rage wherein she could not properly reason and was not... "aware of her actions" or something similar. I bet some skilled lawyer would be able to keep her from receiving punishment.

EDIT: I recall it was named something in the direction of "dissociation".

[Kralizec]

Squirrel Assaults Three Before Being Killed By A Pensioner

That reminded me about this.

How many times does something like this have to happen before the human world realizes it's in great danger?

[Big King Sanctaphrax]

French wine-growers issue terrorist threats.

What a bunch of wine-ers.