News of the Weird

[InsaneApache]

And he drank a beer throughout the entire chase.

That man is clearly innocent.

[Hosakawa Tito]

World's Oldest Stash, Busted.

He and his international team analyzed the cannabis, which was excavated at the Yanghai Tombs near Turpan, China. It was found lightly pounded in a wooden bowl in a leather basket near the head of a blue-eyed Caucasian man who died when he was about 45.

My Celtic ancestors playing Marco-Polo. "Honest Officer, we was just making rope outta the stuff."

[Lemur]

Is that a contortionist in your luggage, or are you just happy to see me?



A Polish contortionist and his accomplice were arrested in Spain on Friday for stealing valuable items from travelers' checked luggage after gaining entry to the cargo of an airport transit bus by hiding himself in a small suitcase.

Krzysztof Grzegorz and Jouoastaw K were arrested after a bus company employee noticed a man struggling to retrieve his heavy luggage from the Girona Airport to Barcelona bus. When officers checked the case, they noticed it was warm and opened it only to discover a very sweaty 5'8" thief holding a laptop and a GPS device that didn't belong to him.

The contortionist was using a head lamp to root through the bus's cargo hold while his partner rode in relative luxury above.

A Catalan police spokesperson told the press: "I believe this is what the British call an open and shut case."

[Crazed Rabbit]

In Washington we like to do two things with animals both of which start with 'f'.

One of those is fight;

Man with dead weasel accused of assault

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

(06-08) 12:25 PDT Hoquiam, Wash. (AP) --

Police say a man was carrying a dead weasel when he burst into an apartment and assaulted a man in Washington state.

The victim asked, "Why are you carrying a weasel?" Police said the attacker answered, "It's not a weasel, it's a marten," then punched him in the nose and fled.

The attacker was apparently looking for his girlfriend and had gone to her former boyfriend's apartment Monday where the victim was a guest.

KXRO reports he left the carcass behind.

Police later found the 33-year-old Hoquiam man arguing with his girlfriend at another location and arrested him after a fight.

He said he had found the marten dead near Hoquiam, but police don't know why he carried it with him.

A marten is a member of the weasel family.

Even our criminals are smarter than yours.

CR

[Hosakawa Tito]

Obviously, the weasel had psychic sock-puppet powers and was helping the perp locate his girlfriend. The police should have arrested the weasel too, as an accessory to the assault.
Psychic Sock-Puppet, don't leave home without it.

[Ronin]

nice marmot.

[drone]

nice marmot.

Also, let's not forget - let's NOT forget, Dude - that keeping wildlife, an amphibious rodent, for uh, domestic, you know, within the city - that aint legal either.

[Askthepizzaguy]

nice marmot.

All I read in my email inbox was "nice marmot", and that was enough to get me curious as to what it was referring to.

I'm not sure what that means.

[InsaneApache]

You have this thread linked to your E-mail?

Now that's weird.

[Tellos Athenaios]

Huh? You can subscribe to a thread, and you can configure your account to receive e-mail notifications when a subscription is updated...

[Lemur]

I'm not sure what that means.

I'm tempted to link to video, but the movie the quote is from contains so many f-bombs, it wouldn't be safe. Let's just leave it at this.

[drone]

I'm tempted to link to video, but the movie the quote is from contains so many f-bombs, it wouldn't be safe. Let's just leave it at this.

[Lemur]

This tumblr seems dangerously close to our exercise back here: Not an Onion headline.

[Lemur]

Spokane police warn of "killer dog pack" assaulting llamas

A "bloodthirsty" pack of dogs has killed about 100 animals in the past few months while eluding law enforcement and volunteers in northeastern Washington state, residents and authorities said.

The killings started in late March and have occurred in a wide area of mountains and valleys west of Deer Park, a small town about 40 miles north of Spokane. [...]

Most recently, the dogs killed a 350-pound llama Tuesday night. They've also killed goats and other farm animals.

So far, no humans have been attacked. But authorities are warning residents to take whatever steps are necessary to protect their families and animals because the dogs appear to be killing for fun rather than food.

[Gregoshi]

I'm tempted to link to video, but the movie the quote is from contains so many f-bombs, it wouldn't be safe. Let's just leave it at this.

That's funny, I just watched The Big Lebowski for the first time in 12+ years last night. I didn't recognize the "Nice marmot" yesterday as being from the movie.

[Peasant Phill]

In our series of laughable public fetishes I give you our next instalment:

[Hosakawa Tito]

New Courthouse's glass stairs draw concerns of peeping. Great moments in architecture!

County officials just hope people are mature and appreciate the courthouse's new stairs for the right reasons.

They gotta be kidding.

[Crazed Rabbit]

CRITICAL NEWS UPDATE!

The 33-year-old suspect in an assault that made national news by holding a dead marten while striking a man in the face is no naturalist. Hoquiam Police Chief Jeff Myers says the weasel like animal the man was holding during Monday night’s assault was actually a mink, also a member of the weasel family. Myers says the Department of Fish and Wildlife reports that Martens have not been seen in the Grays Harbor area for 50 to 60 years. The suspect adamantly claimed the animal he was carrying was a marten, going as far as to correct arresting officers when they called it a weasel.

CR

[Veho Nex]

Thats good thats cleared up

[Veho Nex]

I think I threw up a little.

[Vladimir]

It seems that the same people who wanted the president's birth certificate aren't satisfied with Osama's death certificate:
http://uk.m.yahoo.com/w/ygo-frontpag...gb&.lang=en-gb

This quote is priceless: "I have a Russian girlfriend, and she tells me that over there, in intelligence circles, they don't believe bin Laden's really dead. I do not trust my government or Obama."

He describes himself as a patriotic American; one who trusts his SVR girlfriend.

[Hosakawa Tito]

I think I threw up a little.

Kinda like stinky tofu.

[Lemur]

Jewish court sentences dog to death by stoning



A Jerusalem rabbinical court condemned to death by stoning a dog it suspects is the reincarnation of a secular lawyer who insulted the court's judges 20 years ago, Ynet website reported Friday.

According to Ynet, the large dog made its way into the Monetary Affairs Court in the ultra-Orthodox Jewish neighbourhood of Mea Shearim in Jerusalem, frightening judges and plaintiffs.

Despite attempts to drive the dog out of the court, the hound refused to leave the premises.

One of the sitting judges then recalled a curse the court had passed down upon a secular lawyer who had insulted the judges two decades previously.

Their preferred divine retribution was for the lawyer's spirit to move into the body of a dog, an animal considered impure by traditional Judaism.

Clearly still offended, one of the judges sentenced the animal to death by stoning by local children.

The canine target, however, managed to escape.

"Let the Animals Live", an animal-welfare organisation filed a complaint with the police against the head of the court, Rabbi Avraham Dov Levin, who denied that the judges had called for the dog's stoning, Ynet reported.

One of the court's managers, however, confirmed the report of the lapidation sentence to Israeli daily Yediot Aharonot.

"It was ordered... as an appropriate way to 'get back at' the spirit which entered the poor dog," the paper reported the manager as saying, according to Ynet.

[Tellos Athenaios]

Woman puts shout-out for hitman on Facebook

A Philadephia woman who decided it was a bright idea to publicly recruit a hitman on Facebook is behind bars after the intended victim's mum spotted her murderous solicitation.
(...)
Philadelphia Police Lt. John Walker summarised: "It's shocking that people are just so stupid."

[Gregoshi]

Philadelphia Police Lt. John Walker summarised: "It's shocking that people are just so stupid."

Gregoshi likes this.

[gaelic cowboy]

Woman puts shout-out for hitman on Facebook

A Philadephia woman who decided it was a bright idea to publicly recruit a hitman on Facebook is behind bars after the intended victim's mum spotted her murderous solicitation.
(...)
Philadelphia Police Lt. John Walker summarised: "It's shocking that people are just so stupid."

Not only are people stupid there the same all over the world

'Lying Eyes' is jailed despite lover's plea

During her trial, the jury heard how, in the summer of 2006, Collins created an internet alias and through Hitmanforhire.com contacted Tony Luciano -- who was otherwise known as Essam Eid.

The pair hatched an elaborate plan and the hitman flew to Ireland with his wife to wipe-out PJ Howard and his two sons, Robert and Niall, for US$90,000 (€66,000). But when Eid landed, he tried to blackmail Mr Howard to call off the hit and was subsequently caught.

[Samurai Waki]

Jewish court sentences dog to death by stoning



A Jerusalem rabbinical court condemned to death by stoning a dog it suspects is the reincarnation of a secular lawyer who insulted the court's judges 20 years ago, Ynet website reported Friday.

According to Ynet, the large dog made its way into the Monetary Affairs Court in the ultra-Orthodox Jewish neighbourhood of Mea Shearim in Jerusalem, frightening judges and plaintiffs.

Despite attempts to drive the dog out of the court, the hound refused to leave the premises.

One of the sitting judges then recalled a curse the court had passed down upon a secular lawyer who had insulted the judges two decades previously.

Their preferred divine retribution was for the lawyer's spirit to move into the body of a dog, an animal considered impure by traditional Judaism.

Clearly still offended, one of the judges sentenced the animal to death by stoning by local children.

The canine target, however, managed to escape.

"Let the Animals Live", an animal-welfare organisation filed a complaint with the police against the head of the court, Rabbi Avraham Dov Levin, who denied that the judges had called for the dog's stoning, Ynet reported.

One of the court's managers, however, confirmed the report of the lapidation sentence to Israeli daily Yediot Aharonot.

"It was ordered... as an appropriate way to 'get back at' the spirit which entered the poor dog," the paper reported the manager as saying, according to Ynet.

Yeah, I just saw this and was going to post it. Wouldn't Netanyahu have been a better target?

[Crazed Rabbit]

Woman puts shout-out for hitman on Facebook

A Philadephia woman who decided it was a bright idea to publicly recruit a hitman on Facebook is behind bars after the intended victim's mum spotted her murderous solicitation.
(...)
Philadelphia Police Lt. John Walker summarised: "It's shocking that people are just so stupid."

It's also worrying she apparently got a eager reply.

CR

[Crazed Rabbit]

Never fall for a booty call from a ninja.

Call it the case of the “Booty Call Ninjas.”
A Joliet man told police he was attacked by two people weilding nunchuks and throwing stars after he showed up for what he thought would be a sexual rendezvous with his ex-girlfriend.
The 44-year-old man called police after getting jumped around 1:15 a.m. in the alley off the 300 block of Youngs Avenue. He said he had called his ex-girlfriend and asked her to come over for sex, and she agreed.
A short time later, Katherine M. Casarez, 29, texted the victim that she was in a nearby alley, police said.
As the man walked to Casarez’s car, a masked man jumped out and hit him in the head with nunchuks, police said. Casarez then grabbed nunchuks of her own and hit the man on the head with them as well.
While investigating the crime scene, police found two throwing stars, including one stuck into a telephone poll.
Casarez, of Joliet, was charged with aggravated domestic battery, aggravated battery, unlawful use of a weapon and armed violence. Police were also seeking a 34-year-old Joliet man for questioning.

CR

[InsaneApache]

A MAGICIAN was thrown out of a bar and quizzed by police – for bending a fork.


Paul Fisher, 35, was given his marching orders by a burly doorman after #performing his favourite trick for friends.

Mr Fisher, who uses the stage name Paul Saint, said: “I wasn’t given any sort of explanation or told to put the forks away. The police vehicle came up the street and an officer jumped out.”

A stunned Mr Fisher of Pelsall, West Midlands, added: “He said he’d had a complaint about me bending some forks.”

After a background check he was freed.

Fiona Williams, boss of the Apres bar in Lichfield, Staffs, said: “We have to protect our customers and knives and forks are a security issue. He was not organised as a magician, nor announced himself or his intentions.”

http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/...-bend-magician