Bad Movies

[Bijo]

I know there's a movie review thread, but this thread is only about bad movies. And I mean REALLY bad movies. B-movies and lower than that, that you've seen or know of. Movies of which you might think they shouldn't even be in existence. Or movies you haven't seen (yet), but know they're worthless because you've seen the front poster (and it says a lot about them).

But even if some movies are bad, I sometimes don't mind watching a couple of them..... of course to criticize them that they're bad and to laugh about it, or for nostalgia's sake.


-American Ninja series
Terribly bad! The story is just-- ARGH! Main thing iirc is that super ninjas are being trained, or created, etc., and hired to bigshots to protect their interests, etc., usually evil interests. The first one was enjoyable to see, but was such a typical play so bad.
And of course the "American Ninja" himself Joe Armstrong (Michael Dudikoff) who grew up in Japan(?) and was trained by a Japanese master after an accident in which he was wounded? CHEAP.
But still funny to see.

-Every Chuck Norris movie

-Every Steven Seagal movie
And that voice is always the same. Just give him a nice suit, put him in an expensive office in a big compound in a big expensive chair, and hear that voice, and you got yourself a mafia boss character, like the Godfather, just without the short hair.

-Scary Movie series

-The ones with that typical actor -- forgot his name -- who always plays those romantic roles, always with wedding kind of stuff, and silly content: ARGH! I could shoot the bastard.

-Those Shaolin-type films that always look the same are really bad. But they're funny to watch because of it.

-Any movie that has one or more fighters on the front of the box, except for Bruce Lee films

-Those old American war movies in which they depict those soldiers like happy men who go to war happily and in which you hear happy marching music and so on.

-Not a movie but still: the newer Star Treks that are not The Original Series. The originals were quite good actually (and I even used to dislike those), but those new ones...... it's just plain bad.


Well, I can't think of any more right now, but I probably will :)

[Big King Sanctaphrax]

-Every Steven Seagal movie

Under Siege is a great action film.

[JimBob]

Kommodo vs Cobra
On a secret military island in the S Pacific secret experiments push the boundaries of modern science. A group of animal activists infiltrates the island to set the animals being tested free. They arrive only to find everything has gone horribly wrong and a giant kommodo and a giant cobra are destroying the island.

Among the funniest movies I've seen in a while. The dialogue sucks and 'US Navy Command' looks like it was filmed in the lobby of a motel. And the end when it comes you'll laugh for a week.



Blood Gnome
Evil gnomes run around killing people in the bondage community.

Its messed up. My friends and I got it because we thought it would be funny bad. But after we realized half the movie is bondage porn ( ) we turned it off. Only to try again, fast forwarding through the extended porn scenes. The movie part of it is funny bad with great bad lines and poor quality gnome puppets, but be warned this movie is not for the faint of heart (unless you're into that kinda thing? )

Revenge of Drunken Master
It's a kung fu movie with cymbals of death. The end.

[Gregoshi]

On my list, by far the worst movie I've ever seen was Comin' At Ya!. No plot, almost no dialog, just a lame excuse to show off 3D effects. The worst example of 3D effects is that of a baby's bottom "comin' at ya!" 'Nuff said.

[edyzmedieval]

IScary Movie series

Those movies are really good for one thing:

When you're feeling really sick and want to puke, but you can't. Just watch 2 minutes and you'll puke right near the TV.

[Kralizec]

-The ones with that typical actor -- forgot his name -- who always plays those romantic roles, always with wedding kind of stuff, and silly content: ARGH! I could shoot the bastard.

Hugh Grant. I wouldn't shoot him, castration would be only fair though.

Matrix 2 & 3
King Arthur
Any comedy starring Arnold Schwarzenegger

the newer Star Treks

I thought DS9 was pretty good most of the time. I agree the rest of them is pretty bad, though.

[master of the puppets]

When a Stranger Calls... worst attempted scary movie EVAR!!!

any sci-fi channel original movie.

oh and forgot to mention, Napoleon Dynamite, hated it, it was stupid, it was pointless, it was a waste of film and 2 hours i can never retrieve

[The Spartan (Returns)]

Edward Scissorhands.
if you liked it tell me why because i h8ed it.

[Bijo]

Under Siege is a great action film.

No! I mean, come on! Steven SEAGAL. Always the same voice, the same face, the same... everything! Then again I haven't seen Under Siege in a long time. Might have to watch it again to be sure if it's worse or better than his usual ones, though they're always bad in general. Guess I'll have to wait until it's on TV: I'm not spending any money on renting THAT


And edyzmedieval, just the thought of it makes me pu-- ARGH.

@Fenring
Castration? Hmmm. I think that'd be too painful. A quick bullet followed by a quick death would be for the best. For everybody

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

300

[Ronin]

Under Siege is a great action film.

damn straight!

the cake scene alone is enough to justify that movie


as for movies that should never had existed...I say:

-anything from Uwe "toilet" Boll
-"lost in translation"....man...that´s 2 hours of my life that are never coming back

[Geoffrey S]

Lost in Translation? That's one of the most touching films I've ever seen!

Saw Paycheck recently, it's atrocious. Also, SS Doomtrooper.

[Ronin]

Lost in Translation? That's one of the most touching films I've ever seen!

yeah it´s touching....I think it touched my boredom center...

it´s just the second movie i´ve considered walking out of the cinema on....the only reason I didn´t was that I wasn´t alone and the other people wanted to stay to the end...


p.s.- ohh and in case anyone was wondering the other movie (that I did walk out off) was "The HulK"

[Marshal Murat]

The Hulk was one of the WORST movies I ever saw. It dragged on, and on, and on, and on, and, well, you can guess the rest.

Eragon was the stupidest movie, hands down. Don't ever watch it. Ever.

[Incongruous]

Whale Rider, I mean, I came out of that and, WTF!
Terrible movie.
Munich was pretty average, I mean what with all the hype.
King Arthur and Troy, both travesties which couldn't make up for all the dodgy acting and plot lines with decent action, I mean in Troy there were only a few strange battle scenes.

2001 a space (load of crap) OD. I can't believe people call this a classic, ugh..

Saving Private Ryan, a bot too over the top, but yeah, I can see how people love it.

[Big King Sanctaphrax]

I would have walked out of The Hulk if it didn't have Jennifer Connelly.

I must admit, I enjoyed Lost in Translation. Perhaps I'm just a cissy. Or perhaps I'd just like to bang Scarlet Johansson.(Sp? Who cares anyway)

[The Spartan (Returns)]

to add to Marvel movies: Spiderman/2.

[AggonyDuck]

Several of the movies you've mentioned are actually fairly decent as entertainment.

As to bad movies, two movies immediately came to mind.

One is Clifford, which is propably the most annoying film I've ever seen. It is just plain annoying to see a grown man act the part of a mischievous kid who is constantly screaming "I want to go to Dinosaurland!". Can't say I laughed once during the film and I pretty much rank it as the worst movie that I've ever seen, although the next one might come pretty close to it.

The other is Epic Movie, which I ended up seeing due to a rather poor decision by me. Anyway the only feeling that the movie gave me was a disbelief over the fact that someone had actually made a movie this bad. The jokes are boring and the plot is just a tool to "parody" as many movies as possible. Nothing really works in this film, but that said I did laugh twice during it, which isn't a lot considering the non-stop attempts at trying to get the audience to laugh. Overall I just couldn't believe someone had actually made such a movie and that I actually had paid to see it. It still bugs me to a degree.

[TevashSzat]

One movie that no one can disagree with....Gigli with Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez

[KukriKhan]

The Conqueror, wiki link, starring John Wayne as Genghis Khan. So bad, even Wayne disavowed it. Worth a rental, for a laugh.

[Beirut]

I must admit, I enjoyed Lost in Translation. Perhaps I'm just a cissy. Or perhaps I'd just like to bang Scarlet Johansson.(Sp? Who cares anyway)

No, you spelled bang properly.

[seireikhaan]

Passport to Paris. My French teacher loves this movie, along with a few select girls from my class. I've been forced through the torture of this movie at least ten times by now over the last three years. I just want to shoot Mary Kate and Ashley whenever I hear mention of them, just because of this film.

Mansquito. A sci-fi channel film, so I probably don't have to say much more. The most preposterous part of this film was when the man sized mosquito flew down a hallway towards at least 8 guards who were all unloading m-16 ammo at it. Somehow, the creature is unharmed and summarily rips the guards apart.

[ajaxfetish]

Reign of Fire and Flyboys both looked promising during previews. However, Reign of Fire not only was without plot but without reason or logic either, and Flyboys felt like just a rehash of Pearl Harbor with a lower budget. Its biggest problem--for me at least--was a complete inability to respect or empathize with the main character.

Of the previously mentioned films, I have to disagree on a couple. I thought Napoleon Dynamite was an beautifully quirky and original flick, and one that was willing to ignore Hollywood conventions and stick it to the establishment. I also think the Spiderman movies are the best superhero movies made so far, and certainly the ones that best capture the human element of a superhero.

Ajax

[Beirut]

Smoking Aces

Not bad. Not great, but certainly good. Lots of action, good characters, a few semi-twists, but it's almost like it tried too hard. Worth seeing, though. Alicia Keyes is gorgeous, and her partner with the .50 caliber Barret rifle is a hoot.

[Magraev]

I remember a really terrible movie I rented with a friend back in 87-88. I believe it was called "Queraq", but I can't find it in the IMDB. EDIT: It was called "Exterminators of the Year 3000". Heh kewl title. Maybe I have two movies mixed up there.

It featured a boy with a bionic hand (he could lift a car with it!), and the nefarious "Ultrasonic key". We still laugh about that movie from time to time.

[Andres]

Those National Lampoon movies...

[naut]

300 and War of the Worlds. Rubbish.

[mightilyoats]

Starship Troopers 2... It just did not work. And the DVD cover picture makes the main dude's chin look too big.

Any movie that has any (even remote) similarities with Big Moma's House I guess I just don't understand the humour.

[Hepcat]

Well I have a friend who's dad collects videos and dvds from ANYWHERE! And almost any video or dvd he can get his hands on. They have enough videos in their how to start up a video store. They don't have a tv aerial since they have brought so many videos and dvds they don't need to and they also don't have to watch ads.

Anyway so I often borrow videos off them and one of them that I was told I should watch because it's so cheesy is Attack of the Killer Tomatoes.

I had to watch it in 2 sittings because I just got sick of it. I actually didn't watch tv for a week after watching half an hour of it then finally I decided I had better finish watching it just so I can say I had done it.

The second one which is the worst film they'd ever seen and said it wasn't worth wasting the 2 hours of your life to watch was called Howard the Duck. But of course curiosity got the better of me and after half an hour of hearing them complain I decided (stupidly) to take it since I couldn't understand how something could be any worse than Attack of the Killer Tomatoes.

It wasn't as bad in my opinion as AotKT but I admit that I regret wasting my life watching it.

So if anyone ever offers to lend you these two films RUN!

[edyzmedieval]

Napoleon Dynamite is a waste of time. I can never get back those 2 hours I've wasted.

Also, The Ladykillers. HORRIBLE. WIth Tom Hanks, but it was an incredibly bad movie. No plot, no dialogue, no nothing.