Sons of Atlantis - A Roman political uncorrect AAR

[Obelics]

The Romans as bastards as you never saw them...

The Year in History 272 B.C.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Huse Rules:

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

I already use some house rules, every time i understand that the auto-regulamentation i was using is an House Rule, i will add it here, editing this section:
for now i can recall just this few ones:
- Never Retrain - Always Merge.
I didn't used it before, but im using it since the 0.81 relase.
I cant retrain my units, i can just merge a old unit with a new recruited one. If i have not enought money to buy a new unit to merge with an old ones, i cant replenish my units...
- Dont attack, if not Attacked -
I cant attack a faction, if they are Neutral with me.
- Never use Fog of War Cheat or some Money cheat -
i dont even know how to activate it, anyway i dont like it.
The only Cheat i will use is that to giving money to Parthia
- Always start a siege battle the turn after the siege started -
i cant wait more than a turn so to starve the city. If for a change, i forget a spy inside the city, i have to start the battle the same turn as i attack, with no siege engines.
- Only use the boats, if i can afford to have a fleet of respect, at last a pair of Triremes and Pentekontere - (So never do a naval invasion with just a Transport ship...), if i can not afford a Fleet of respect, i cant use boats. My only exception was the invasion of Africa by Attilius Regulus, but that was a sort of RPG thing, i knew i was sending Atilius to die.
- When doing Naval Invasion, i can not siege a town, as i disembark, but i have to wait a pair of turns in a fort near the town before besieging - So i have to feel all the difficulties of an army who starve while traveling for faraway campaigns.

Little Glossary of Table I: "One Flew Over the Eagle's Nest" :

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Nam Sibyllam quidem Cumis ego ipse oculis meis vidi in ampulla pendere, et cum illi pueri dicerent: Σίβυλλα τί θέλεις; respondebat illa: άποθανεϊν θέλω ": it's from Satyricon: For I saw with my own eyes the very Sibyl at Cumae hanging in a bottle, and when the children asked, “Sibyl, what do you want?” she used to answer: “I want to die.”
Hasta: Spear
Hasta Pendula: Dangling hasta...
Tela Mittite: Throw your Missiles!
Nubes Telorum: Rain of Missiles (litteraly Clouds of Missiles)
Iaculamini: Throw it. ex-iaculari: throw it out.
Le petit Prince: is a short novel for child by Saint Exupery. Means "The Little Prince (Princeps)"
Tela, Nobis Hastae Sunt: we use Spears just as Missiles Weapons. (It was ironically refearred to the greek hoplites who use spear to melee fight)
Lacrime et Sanguine!: This is mixed up latin-italian, means "Tears and Blood!"
Frater: Brother, In the ancient Rome, boys and men used to call themselves little brother, little sister, when they were lovers.
proxima istanza: next chapter. (mixed latin-medieval italian)
Roma Victrix: roma victorious
Mater Suspiriorum, Mater Tenebrarum, Mater Lachrymarum: Mother of Sighs, Mother of Darkness/Shadows, Mother of Tears, it comes from "Levana and Our Ladies of Sorrow", a section of Thomas de Quincey's Suspiria de Profundis

Little Glossary of Table II: "The Crimson Crane" :

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Per Antonomasia: As a Stone of Paragon
Effugite!: should mean "fleee!"
Equites Romani in Hostem Immittite!: Charge the Enemy!

Little Glossary of Table III: "Air of Freedom" and the Appendix to Table III "You see we are bor..." :

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Divitias alius fulvo sibi congerat auro/et teneat culti iugera multa soli,/quem labor adsiduus vicino terreat hoste - i try to badly translate it in english: other people could gain richness of yellow shining gold, and a lot of land, but could they have a very very bad moment when the enemy is coming!"

Little Glossary of Table IV: "The Ephesian Matron" :

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

O fortuna - from carmina burana: oh Fortune, in an unstable way, like the Moon, always growup, and then fade away, you are just a turning wheel
The ephesian matron - it's an inside story in the Satyricon by Petronius Arbiter, it was telled by the poetaster Eumolpo, it should be the more ancient source on this story, but it is known to be a recurrent theme from the Mylesian Fables. you can read the whole Satyricon, and the Ephesian Matron story inside, looking at this site, it's in english so i dont know if it is translated well, anyway it is for sure far better than my version of the ephesian matron story...
http://ebooks.adelaide.edu.au/p/petr.../complete.html
also remember that the Satyricon is of the Imperial times, Petronio suicided under Nero Emperor, so im using it as a loose inspiration in our time-frame despite it is a later romance...

Little Glossary of Table V "Maybe a First Punic War" and Table VI "A Diogene of our own..." :

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Table V:
Tela Exhaurite: "Fire all the Missiles"!
Bush Elephants/Forest Elephants: im not an animal expert so i confused the two kind of Elephants, actually what i called "Bush elephants" were "Forest Elephants" and what i called "Forest elephants" were "Bush Elephants"
Pretorian Guards/Equites Pretoriani: I tend to use this, but i should use Consular Guard, Pretorian Guard just means the Guard of the General in the Tent at the center of the Military Camp. But i dont know when it became commonly used (i suppose in imperial age?).
Table VI:
"If i can change, and you can change...": quote from b-movie Rocky IV???
The story of the purpled pallium: it's my "free" adaptation of the story told in the Satyricon, i used the Pallium, but there is a little mistake (call it again a poetical license). Infact, in real world, the Pallium is the common robe, while the Tunic is the more precious one, so to make the thing more precious, i should have used the Toga in place of the Pallium. So, when Encolpius says that the rusty countryside folks where almost putting their hands on their Tunics, it was not very correct, cause it is strange that 3 thieves guys who are fleeing, dress some tunics, they should have dressed some Pallia.

also in the Pic of Roma, i say the Senators met Atilius in the Forum?!?... ok another of those poetical licenses...

Little Glossary of Tables VII-A "That they may drink..." and VII-B "A World full of Love " :

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Table VII-A:
The last man on the Earth: homage to the homonimous 1964 cult film by Ubaldo Ragona, that pic, is also an homage to the 1983 TV movie "The Day After" by Nicholas Mayer.
Table VII-B:
Parcite luminibus, seu vir seu femina fiat obvia it's from the Elegies of Albius Tibullus, i (badly) translated "keep your eyes away, men and women who meet me along the way..."
Trebius: Oscan/Latin name (Since it is a Campanian Cavalry guy)
Sociorum Equites: Cavalry of the Allies (friends, socii)
No Man's Land: homage to the Cult/Trash 1983 Film "Escape from the Bronx" (Fuga dal Bronx) by Enzo Castellari, also the last Battle pic in the table (that with Jagger), before the Battle Result Tab, is an homage to the scene when the "disinfectors" come to purificate with their flame-throwers the Bronx Buildings... "Leave the Bronx! Leave the Bronx!"
b/w picture in first battle screenshot is M.Bakunin

Artaserse go to West...

[CirdanDharix]

The Romans always were evil bastards. How can you make them any worse?

[Basileus Seleukeia]

Finally someone playing Romans that is honest and does not try to cover up the roman bastard-ness

[Obelics]

bah... i dont know, im already thinking ive done the step more long than the leg... this kind of thinks take time, and i cant be so much active as i were with the Waste Land... ok we will see... stay tuned.

[Hooahguy]

oh man! i hope it will be like the Waste Land! im subscribing.......
good luck!

[Wolfman]

I'm already laughing in anticipation!

[Obelics]

bad news people, i have overextimated my time disponibility, sorry for the entusiasm i shown in the first post, to everyone was interested. Things that can happen, i guess... So i cant start this aar.

Salute!

[kambiz]

Wow lovely Obelics bringing Wasteland and his gang to Italy I just can't wait for the moment when Roman bastards faced for the first time against Gallic naked fanatics I bookmarked Wasteland ,I know I will bookmark this one as well

Good luck my Friend ,And I ask the ancient gods to give you more spare time !

[Hooahguy]

so this AAR is dead?.....
darn.... i loved The Waste Lands........
can i incorporate your idea of making characters speak during battles and such in my AAR? you know, to kind of keep the tradition alive?
much appreciated.

[Wolfman]

Why why why?! I hope your able to do a new aar in the future. I loved the waste land.

[Moosemanmoo]

*claps and giggles like a little girl*

[Hax]

You, sire Moosemanmoo, are now officially declared crazy.

*claps and giggles along*

[Hooahguy]

lol! Hax, i second that!
*claps and giggles along too*

[V.T. Marvin]

OH NOOOooooo!!!!

*cries and weeps as an old woman*

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

For me The Wast Land is a matter of love - it was the reason why I stopped playing RTR and installed EB instead (never regret this).

I was so excited when I saw your nick again!!! ......an now this - darned life issues......

[Obelics]

ok, thanks everyone for the support!!! im strange so i made an update all new for this AAR who was so near to become an Abort. I advise that this aar is very very loosely based on the Satyricon by Petronio, so you are adverted on the content, and yes, the fallophobics are adviced, im not what you could think reading this aar, is just that i tried to follow the thrama of the romance in someway...
ah yes... if you think this will never become a second waste land, you are right...
And than if you like, if you dont like, if you want to make some suggestion, if you want just say somethink, let me know.
[cause i like to use some large picture vertically oriented, press F11 on your keyboard for better view (i was missing this words so much...)]
here we go:



















TABULA I



Nam Sibyllam quidem Cumis ego ipse oculis meis vidi in ampulla pendere,
et cum illi pueri dicerent: Σίβυλλα τί θέλεις;
respondebat illa: άποθανεϊν θέλω "

Petronius, Satyricon.

So, here we are, that's Italia, The Land of the FIERCEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD! (except me and a 55 millions people more), Land of the Samniti, from the wooden muntains, the Etruscans, from the sweet lands North of the Tiber, whose ancestors are losts in the abyss of the Time... And last but not least... well, THE ROMANS!!! ok someone says that we were just one of the various Etruscan city states, but we have liberated ourselves from their influence centurys ago... now many people has come to find a way to carry further away their desolate exsistences... and many will come again! But one guy who come from greece here, brought a new specie of animals, sayd elephants, and he was almost going to contaminate the delicate ecosystem of the italian fauna if it not was for a strange accident... luckily enough, infact his giant animals didn't adapt very well to the new ambient and they very soon were fallen dead.
Someone says that it was a local specie of little animals who caused them to extinguish... no one knows the scientific name of these little animals, but it is sayd that they had a strange pointed things they used to kill the above mentioned elephants...
this thing is called "Hasta"

Now, this public enemy of the Ecology called Pyrrhus, fled away from the italian shores... yeah, he fled like a rabbit! ...hmmm... but we cant stand! we Romans have to punish his people and every damned folk who dared to help him to carry his crazy expedition... and well, one of this people we are going to slaughter in a joyful cry, in to a lamentation atone, well, i was saying, ok let me think, what i was saying? ah yes, these people are called Tarantines... TARATATAAAA!



so dont warry, Romans have prepared their own expedition to punish this people...



AH! Than Scipio was sent! There are voices in the Senate of Rome, that this General was not the more suitable of imperium... he accused some strange hurts in the stomach in the last few weeks, but then his health will be proven in this venture! (whatever is hosted in the stomach of the poor Scipio...)



and here's the well known town of Tarentum... you know, it was a former colony of the Dorians, founded by Lacedaemonian gentes, it is sayd that people there is so luxurious so nasty, and we could add with no timor of exageration: so lascivious, that is to say if you dare in their presence to just spell some words about the hard labour, well, you wont believe, this cunning people will repute it as an act offence to their sense of the public decore. Their eyes is sayd, cant stand the sight of a man who's embracing his Aratrum...



back on the battlefield the bloody business begins!



but ops! we are going to meet the two other guys who could have a role in the story... the army must have had become a quite attractive font of sustantation, if we can find here this two adolescents already old, who have never done something of productive in their inutiles lives... and who dont worth an accident...
hmmm... so it's true that famous proverb so ancient, that says people in the army are signature-markers, who have not a deed in human-existence... anyway lets go to meet them:



it's time to unleash this dog of wars, that are those above-sayd little animals... with pointed appendix called "Hasta Pendula!"



but this graeculian Stratega here, is not that happy to let us penetrate his stronghold of Taras...



Mater Suspiriorum...
Mater Tenebrarum...
MATER LACHRYMAAAARUM!



The Three Ladies of Sorrow will chante a strange and painful Litanie for his death!



The Land is Waste...

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

But the Hastati are Lost! Ok we have the Rorari here to fulfill the vacant position!



Scipio in person is leading the Charge!



He is The Chosen!



and a look to our new acquisition...



But then, that Gito found a way to escape the legion, he came all pretty in the hands of Encolpius... poor Ascilto, he remained all alone, there, with that dirty hairy legionaries...

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

as usually the wand is lost, the Land is Waste... ah no pardon... ok, along the lands of Italia a dark Legion of strange creatures is marching on... will the people who were used to live so peaceful upon these grounds, be able to face the struggle of an exsistence so fragile, so futile? We will see when we will move on the proxima istanza of this story on the Atlantis Sons...
aka The Romance Satyricon...

TBC




hope enjoyed

[General Appo]

Hoooray!!! Fantastic! Please continue this story.

[Nikaïa's tyrannos]

How someone can be THIS funny??? It's awesome!!

[The Wandering Scholar]

Very nice work there

[SunShadow]

This is the BEST AAR EVER!!!

... at least, of the ones I've seen... I'd better start searching this Waste Land, I guess

[d'Arthez]

This AAR makes me think slavery should be reintroduced ( ) - I want more of this AAR.

[Obelics]

thanks for the nice comments people, really appreciated them. I hope i can make the second part in not too much time.
Now since this was just the starting Table, I have replayed it with the Barbarian Invasion. Yes, i was too lazy to find a way to convert 1.0 to the BI. But i find the post to do that, so i did. I hope the next one will be interesting.
There will be Romans fighting against Romans....
(those Reghion trahitors must be punished! We cant allow our Socii be afraid by those Romans trahitors)

im adding a little Glossary to the first post of this thread.

Salut!

EDIT: added a little Glossary of Table I, and the first fews House Rules I use. They are at the Bottom of the first post of this thread

[BerkeleyBoi]

That was amazing... amazing... AMAZING! and absolutely HILARIOUS!

[Obelics]

thanks everyone (xièxièni!). Here's another updated, i had less time so hope it's not that bad. As usually every comment is much appreciated.
Remember to press F11 on the keyboard and here we go:

















TABULA II



In the Deep South... along the sweet valley of the Mississipy, in the mothercountry of the only Jazz... ah pardon... ok lets go: in the Deep South... in the ancient and noble shores of The Magna Grecia, land of sea-trade and commerce, of multyethnical feiths and cultural inter-changes... well i was saying in this deep south... after the Phyrrus expedition... the political situation was set in the Caos.
State-Towns of the southern coast, initially, did not really evaluate the true weight, of the Only Power raising under the ruthless Standards of the Urbs per Antonomasia... these towns, once so rich and prosperous, were famouses for their refined culture and their luxurious style of life... Tarentum was one of these, and we have already seen what was its Fate...
Now i was saying... these peoples of southern Italy were so wealthy so rich... that they used to call themselves Magna Grecia, since they reputed to have reached a far better advanced level of welfare than that of their mothercountry... yes, they were so proud of the heights they reached in every field, from commerce to knowelege, from art to architecture... ok its enough for the prologue... anyway so much beautiful temples and sculpture are just lying there waiting to be sacked!
A lot of famous people was from this blessed shores of the italian coast... from Parmenide to Zenone...to Archita of Taranto! More of them will come to merge their knowledge et sapientia to the Roman Supreme and Unique Virtus! to the Roman True Moral so strong so incorruptible, in a word superior, and wich deserve for sure to rule the known world...
Now if this is to be accomplished, we cant allow to commit some ingenuous mistakes on managing this complex thing that are the Greeks... those people are weak and divided and with Phyrrus gone, no one can stand our indisputable Imperium... they are divided, they will be imperated..



here's an unworthy Roman who had by the Senate, the delicate task to garrison Rhegion... before his arrival, this was a sweet oasys of peace and beauty, surrounded by a land of wilderness and brutality... peoples fierce and savage live there in the inner territories of this sacred enclosure of amene forests and wooden muntains.
This town, in a time of uncertainty, wisely choosed to stay with Rome.
And Rome will give back this Land to its people.



Senate of Rome, after the good end of the Tarentum exploitation, decided to sent Scipio, yes the only and unique Great General Lucio Cornelio Scipione... that one guy that seems so weak, so pale and defenceless, ok that little dwarf who's always sick!...yesh it's not our best... but strange to say, this man was capable to accomplish his mission in an outstanding success... hmmm... who cares what's the problem, that Scipio keep hidden in his tender heart... good old Roman Common Sense, states that a good horse wont be changed!



Raise the Standards! Let those unworthy folks to see what is expecting them outside their walls!



so lets see... the Eagles are posing implacable and tremendous, their far-sighted rapax eye, on the reckless preys...



...it's cold...



it's the day they will die. Here's the Enemies of the State...



...and a strong warrior...



under the fading Star of Treachery...



It's a Trahitor, but it's still a Roman... lets give Him a chance!



peace is reached, birds of prey can rest...



Oh my... what a satisfaction! what an honour! we cant just imagine, how will they be happy, these people of Rhegion, who can now finally rejoin their beloved parents safe and healthy!



hmmm... well, those people weren't that happy, but a new acquisition has been added to the Roman Cause!
what's this bytheway? somethink lost among the ruins:

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Now there are some important matters being debated in the Senate... some senators have the wish to put their noses in the affairs of Sicily and its grain, others, still see the Gauls dominions there in the North, as a permanent Menace... what will be stated? With the Legions marching south and north along the Peninsula... and the nobles have known what could be the precious reward after conquests, there's no way to stop anymore. Too powerful interests stay behind this engrossing machine... enemies of Rome are adviced! Land is Vast but not enough for too many ones! and having a potential foe at the border of our Empire, is a thing we cant allow... It's our auto-defensive politic! Roman Power grows on defending itself from whatever menace!

TBC




hope enjoyed.

[Moosemanmoo]

sacred claw ftw!

[d'Arthez]

Wonderful! Wonderful.

[EmporerOfNothing]

This is one of the funniest AAR's that i have ever read (and ive been lurking around reading them for a while). Keep up the good work.

[Obelics]

thanks everyone for the feedback! and sorry for the full of errors writing.
since im continuing this AAR, i have deleted the image of Table I from the first post of this thread, and i have added a new Front Picture image. I hope you like this new frontispiece (go to check the first post to see it). If you like, and you have not photoshop i could do one personalized for who like to put it in his own aar.

I also added the little golssary of table II and "The year in history 272 b.c." all in the first post of the thread (look in the spoilers!)

I need a suggestion:
I dont want to fight too easy against Cartage, so i dont touch Sicily until i think Cartage is enough strong. Id like to concentrate on the Padane Gaul for now, what do you think?

salut every one!

[Basileus Seleukeia]

Holy Moly, this is funny! Lucius Cornelius Scipio looks pretty scared btw, I wonder what he's looking at...
I'll try to find "The Wasteland" everyone is talking about... if it is even more funny than this then it will be astonishing!

[Skandaz.Imperator]

I need a suggestion:
I dont want to fight too easy against Cartage, so i dont touch Sicily until i think Cartage is enough strong. Id like to concentrate on the Padane Gaul for now, what do you think?

salut every one!

Cross the Messina strait to provoce the Carthaginians into warfare, and then do nothing. As soon as they are in war with you, they will start recruiting armies on their side of Sicily. If you don't do this, they rarely attack a human roman player. In fact, staying neutral seems to be the best way to be free of attacks.

I'd say, go for the gauls.

[Obelics]

Holy Moly, this is funny! Lucius Cornelius Scipio looks pretty scared btw, I wonder what he's looking at...
I'll try to find "The Wasteland" everyone is talking about... if it is even more funny than this then it will be astonishing!

ah thanks, i hoped he looked "scaring", not "scared": but pheraps you are refering to the little familytree-like portrait... yes ther he look scared...
regarding WL, thanks much to people for remembering it , there are some of the last updates here somewhere, there's the link under my banner. But i think they are difficult to read cause i had to edit some of my few post in the thread and paste inside the tables from the rtr forums. So it's a bit messed up and fulfilled of pics.

Cross the Messina strait to provoce the Carthaginians into warfare, and then do nothing. As soon as they are in war with you, they will start recruiting armies on their side of Sicily. If you don't do this, they rarely attack a human roman player. In fact, staying neutral seems to be the best way to be free of attacks.

I'd say, go for the gauls.

wery thanks Skand. this is a very nice suggestion, I will try it!
Also id like someone who is expert on roman warfare, to suggest some historical lines of expansion. Anyway at this point with the Italy reunified, i think heading for the gauls should be eough historical.
Again, i have no idea on how to manage with the 2 isles, at what time i should attack them (im referring to sardinia and corsica)