Leaving school [Archive]

Gaius Scribonius Curio

05-07-2008, 01:23

I was bullied from year 3 all the way through to year 8-9 when I left to come to Australia. Its tough, I kind of semi-regret not telling anyone (not really but thats just because I'm nuts (as in its highly likely that I'm bipolar and thus have massive paranoia issues)), but I'm with Ice on this one. You have one year left? If you think you're going to do well in your exams then you can't let some idiots mess up your future!!!

And as you seem pretty normal... talk to someone about it, counsellor or teacher would be best imo, but if you're serious about leaving school then talk to your parents.

Bear in mind that this isn't what I'd do... But I'm nuts, so listen to all the other people, like Ice, who actually know what they're doing!

Sasaki Kojiro

05-07-2008, 01:34

Do you own a baseball bat or something similar?

Caius

05-07-2008, 01:47

Do you own a baseball bat or something similar?
Tennis racket, but I'm afraid its too new to smash.

Ice

05-07-2008, 02:22

I am constantly being bullied at school.

Did you like school Ice?

Set an example, if you get my drift, and the bullying will be done. If you don't have the guts too, find a big burly guy, make friends with him, and everyone will leave you alone.

"A baseball bat is a great equalizer" :yes:

Yes, I do enjoy school. I'm out of the high school angst stage where I really hated school and I was just going through the motions. I really do appreciate higher education and what it's teaching me.

Gaius Scribonius Curio

05-07-2008, 02:31

"A baseball bat is a great equalizer"

:laugh4: It is but on the other hand then you get into trouble... theres always a downside!

Set an example, if you get my drift, and the bullying will be done. If you don't have the guts too, find a big burly guy, make friends with him, and everyone will leave you alone.

This is really good advice, but if Caius is in his last year it could be too late for the example setting a la :boxing:

The other thing that I'd like to know is what do your friends say about it Caius? Can't you rely on them? Just before I left things were actually looking up because my best mate was realy popular and he objected to my treatment!

LeftEyeNine

05-07-2008, 02:37

Ah. Bullying. I was being bullied too. I was a tiny kid around 1.30-40 metres tall and quite skinny during the time between 6th and 8th grades. That sure screws your days in school and puts up a serious pressure on you. However you shouldn't let it continue since you have come to a point where quitting your education would be more preferable.

Tell your parents about it this way. Mention why. Just act serious about it since parents may tend to say "hey come on, it just happens in school life"; depends on the personalities of your parents though.

I can absolutely understand how you're feeling about being bullied to an extent you can't seem to handle. However, the cost of quitting will be dear for sure in the long run and before sorting out what you can do besides quitting your education, I absolutely would like to see your bully problem to be solved rather than seeing a nice fellow Orgah like you quitting his school.

Don't quit. Talk to your parents in a serious manner. If they don't seem to understand, look for alternatives to tell about it. If you take alternative steps in case your parents don't take you serious, they'll be convinced that you're having this hard way. Leave your pride aside if you're taking asking for help because of bullying as a matter of pride; this is concerned with your very future directly.

We're listening. Keep the feedback up.

Vuk

05-07-2008, 02:44

Caius, please that what I say as advice from a friend. School can be hard, esp if you have people bullying you. Honestly though, the very best thing you can do is stay in school. When you are being bullied it is hard to know what to do, but the best advice I can give you is to not let them see if you are scared of them and get the authorities involved. Bullies count on people being afraid of them and afraid of being made fun of for going to the authorities. Do not let them scare you.
I hope for the best Cauis and I genuinely hope that you stay in school and continue with a good career.

Vuk

Whacker

05-07-2008, 03:25

Caius, you are a good kid

1. Do NOT give up. Period. Do NOT QUIT SCHOOL. PERIOD.

2. What kind of bullying? Have they threatened you with physical force, or actually used physical force on you? Is this more "social" bullying? Is it one person or many?

3. Talk to your parents first. Your parents should ALWAYS support you, period. I remember I had a few problems with this also when I was much younger, and my parents were rabid and tenacious in their support. Get them involved, and have them help you. They can involve the school leadership, police, etc... whomever is needed to help.

4. Strongly consider taking a martial art. No joke, this was one of the first things my dad made me do (in addition to all the other stuff my parents did) when they found out about it. Find a good school that will teach you actual self defense and application, not just how to do katas and those showy jump/flip kicks (which are utterly useless in a real fight) and is a "belt factory". It'll teach you how to defend yourself, get you in (better) shape, and most important of all it'll give you a sense of self-confidence. Just don't let it go to your head and don't go looking for fights. The purpose of strength is to help and provide support for yourself and others, not as a tool to climb over or beat on weaker people. You're a good kid, you already knew that anyway. A good school will teach you that force is a last resort and always try to resolve situations honorably, but if you have to fight then by god let em have it.

Best of luck
:balloon2:

Samurai Waki

05-07-2008, 04:11

Depends on which country you live in, if you live outside of the US, I'd say stick with it. If you live in the US however, you are quite literally wasting your time (I quit. Got my GED and quickly got accepted into UCLA) American Highschools are a laughably a joke at best. However, I can't stress this to you enough, it takes motivation, I don't want to hear about you dilly dallying around, and not taking yourself towards higher pursuits and living in your parents basement until your 40 years old. It takes some real cojones to quit out of school and be able to be successful, but its a worthwhile adventure to piss your parents off.

Mikeus Caesar

05-07-2008, 08:35

Only quit school/stop bothering with education if you have a definitive plan beforehand. I've only gone ahead with not doing any more education (much to the annoyance of my parents) because i have plans for my future.

Xehh II

05-07-2008, 08:58

I left school when I was 16, best decision of my whole life, got to spend a year relaxing then I enrolled in a hospo course, doing what I love, I couldn't ask for a better outcome.
I used to get bullied all the time too, I just fought back, but I don't think that's a good idea, schools seem to think fighting back is worse than the actual bullying, especially when you break a bullies face.
Quiting school is good!

Raz

05-07-2008, 09:42

Bullying... Eh, find a way to handle it and persevere for the rest of your education. Having the words "DID NOT COMPLETE HIGH SCHOOL EDUCATION" is kinda bad on a job application - Maybe just don't write it in upper-case, but still.... (edit:) Unless you have plans for say an apprenticeship, or some form of specialised extended education. E.g. electrician, car mechanic.

If all else fails, hit the gym, train ya muscles, then head one-on-one with your bullyier. Fight him. Win, then take it a touch too far by kicking him while he is down. You will be expelled, he would've learnt a lesson, your parents will understand why you lashed out, you would've dealt with the bullying PLUS left school PLUS people will remember you as the Kung-Fu Master who went down in a blaze of glory.
And I'm serious, this is real advice, no joke. :shame:

Samurai Waki

05-07-2008, 09:49

Bullying... Eh, find a way to handle it and persevere for the rest of your education. Having the words "DID NOT COMPLETE HIGH SCHOOL EDUCATION" is kinda bad on a job application - Maybe just don't write it in upper-case, but still....

Perhaps this is the case in many other places, but as long as you get your equivalent in the US you can legally put yourself in as a Highschool graduate. Excepting the Marines, who for whatever reason will only take Highschool graduates, despite the pressure put on them from the other military branches, simply because they have no problem getting equivalent degreed recruits while the marine corps is suffering quite severely right now. And I never quite got the reasoning behind this either, if I had my equivalent and could be an Apache pilot, why on earth can't I be a Jarhead?

Samurai Waki

05-07-2008, 09:51

oops double post

Viking

05-07-2008, 10:09

Do you own a baseball bat or something similar?

Everyone owns a fist. :book:

Samurai Waki

05-07-2008, 10:10

and if your 18 you can own a gun :laugh4: but violence begets violence. Just hire some mafiosos take care of your problem.

Mithrandir

05-07-2008, 10:14

Viking

05-07-2008, 10:22

Find very fun other things to do in the after school hours, social events preferably, so you'll have something to look forward to while in school.

School and the bullying taking place there will seem less important if you've got something else to think about and to look forward too.

Excusez-moi, bullying has a tendence of overshading the positive things in live and is some of the most destructive a human can experience.

Andres

05-07-2008, 10:44

Imho, getting bullied has much to do with lack of self-confidence. I'm absolutely no psychologist, but I've always had the impression that bullies smell lack of self-confidence and they seem to have a talent to find an easy target. Personally, I got bullied when I was in elementary school. It stopped when I hit a bully hard on the face :shrug:

You're a very nice guy Caius, friendly, helpfull and always avoiding to hurt or upset other Orgah's :bow: That's good and you should definitely keep it that way :bow:

But in RL, sometimes, when confronted with certain individuals, you need to let go that peaceful attitude and you have to fight back. You can do it physically, but that really should be the last option. Use your tongue. And most importantly act like you don't care don't care about what the bully thinks or says about you. Always keep in mind that he's probably just a pathetic :daisy: who needs to bully ohter people to get some attention. He's the one having a problem, not you.

And if you have to get physical, no need to worry about not being a martial artist. One well placed kick in a certain spot will do the trick. I know it's not heroic, but the bully will certainly think twice before ever bullying you again. Unless there are several of them. If you think hurting him will result in getting beaten up by a group of cowardly bullies, you shouldn't even consider the physical option. Talk to your parents, to your favourite teacher (don't worry about the "you're a traitor/coward"-crap of other classmates, it's nonsense, they are as afraid of the group of bullies as you are), and if things are really looking ugly, go to the police (we had a bunch of drug dealers in our peaceful and respected high school, they got expelled after one guy finally had the courage of going to the police, afterwards, we learned the teachers were as afraid of them as we were).

As for a long term solution, well, you know yourself best. If you think you're lacking self-confidence, then please, don't feel bad about it. At your age, it's normal. Other kids of your age are just pretending that they don't lack self-confidence.

Join a sportsclub (and make sure you pick a sport you'll like, so that you'll keep going), take part in social events, build up your stamina by running/cycling on a regular basis, buy some dumbbells and do some weightlifiting, get an interesting hobby that requires dedication and hard work to see results (seeing the result of long and hard work is satisfying and will give you a very good feeling)... Anything that builds up your self-confidence. Ask advice to your parents, an older friend or a teacher.

But don't quit school. School doesn't seem to be the problem. The bullies are. Quitting school is like letting them win. And you don't want a pathetic bunch of attention seekers ruining YOUR future now, do you? Screw them, you are Caius and you want to finish high school. It's your life, nobody, and certainly not some idiot bully, will force you to take a decision.

~:pat:

Geoffrey S

05-07-2008, 11:59

Quit school, don't quit school - whatever you choose it doesn't matter. People do fine both ways. What is important is that it's your own decision, made on your terms. At the moment it doesn't sound like that's the case, and making big decisions in these kind of situations is a very risky business.

You make the decision, don't let it make you.

FactionHeir

05-07-2008, 12:58

Fighting back...it works, but you shouldn't break anything, just make sure you hurt them bad enough and look angry enough to make them back off. Worked for me when I was bullied across several schools during my primary and secondary education. The bullies would end up rather wanting to be in my good graces instead.

One more thing:
If you quit school, you basically let the bully win. You don't want this, do you?

Sigurd

05-07-2008, 13:25

Don't quit school... Could you change schools if it is that bad?

When I was ... in school ... I had no problems with bullying.
I might have been bullying others. :sweatdrop:

I remember being called into a meeting where the topic was this small kid looking like a cartoon character. We used to call him Texas Kid because of his looks. It was never our intention to bully, but this was the way he percieved it. All it took was for a teacher to tell us: He doesn't like to be called Texas Kid, and we stopped.
Have you tried this approach?

Raz

05-07-2008, 14:26

Ahh, but you say yourself that your intention was not to bully... :confused:

Quintus.JC

05-07-2008, 16:49

Being bullied can be really tough, I think everybody at one time or another gets bullied. I was always a tall fella (5 ft 11 inches) in my secondary school, but there’re always some random prats that doesn’t seems to have anything better to do. I am rather gifted at football (Play for my own youth academy) and no-one in my year group gives me any trouble but the year 7 and 8s are less mature and likes to take advantage of my peaceful nature. I am an immigrant of Sino-Italian origin so that seems to be the reason. Talking to teachers doesn’t always solve the problem and some times you have to fight back in order to live in peace.

Considering that you only got one more year left then you really should stay Caius. Don’t let a couple of mindless idiot ruin your future.

Rhyfelwyr

05-07-2008, 16:57

If it is so bad you are thinking of leaving school then I would definetely talk to either your parents or a teacher about it. Because if you try to leave school then they will want to know why, and the truth may well come out anyway.

Or if you give us the address then we could always organise an Orgah meeting outside his house. There are thousands of members here, I reckon we could get a couple hundred marching down his street with pitchforks and flaming torches...

Fragony

05-07-2008, 17:03

If it's only a year... Never been bullied myselve but a certain type tends to be the one, sit it out and enjoy a fresh start.

CrossLOPER

05-07-2008, 17:15

Short answer:

Don't quit, stay in school.

My suggestion is to bring it up with the administration. If that does not work, tell your parents. A little adult attention and the threat of being sued is almost guaranteed to shake up the administration.

I'm not sure what country you live in, but from my understanding, violence is an awful idea if you live in the US.

GeneralHankerchief

05-07-2008, 22:15

Don't worry about them, Caius. In ten to fifteen years you'll have a real job and a beautiful girlfriend/wife doting on you hand and foot while those bullies will still be attempting to relive their high school glory days, but get interrupted by their manager telling them to mop the floor faster. :yes:

If telling yourself that doesn't work, here's a more direct approach: Quitting school will set a very bad precedent, because in the future you'll be more inclined to do what you did in the past. Quit now, and you are a quitter forever.

Sasaki Kojiro

05-07-2008, 22:16

You should also consider that by next year they'll have matured to the point where they don't bully anymore. It's possible.

ELITEofWARMANGINGERYBREADMEN88

05-07-2008, 22:41

I was bullied to the extreme at this Private School I went to from 7th-8th grades (which is one major reason I went to Cyber School). Don't Leave. The Worest things you could do is

1. Leave School
2. Not Do Anything

Tell Someone. Or Fight Back (or Both). Don't sit back. It will get better Caius.

Tribesman

05-08-2008, 00:07

Leave school for the right reasons Caius , like because you can't be arsed with the education system , don't leave school because some idiots are giving you grief .

Caius

05-08-2008, 00:37

Big King Sanctaphrax

05-08-2008, 01:11

I don't want to be punched.

What? You mentalist. Back when I was a kid, I had to walk 15 miles uphill both ways to get punched.

But, seriously, perhaps you shouldn't dismiss your mum out of hand (This is a good rule of thumb for life, actually). If you seem to go out of your way to avoid your peers, even if it's just because you don't think you'd enjoy the social scene they're part of (I'm just extrapolating from what you've said here, feel free to put me right), it could easily be interpreted as you thinking you're too good for them. I'm not suggesting you completely change your personality, develop a 40 a day habit and get slaughtered every night, but perhaps making a bit of an effort wouldn't go amiss? Who knows, you might even have some fun into the bargain.

pevergreen

05-08-2008, 01:47

Or if you give us the address then we could always organise an Orgah meeting outside his house. There are thousands of members here, I reckon we could get a couple hundred marching down his street with pitchforks and flaming torches...
Gives me an idea for a unit:

"Orgah Band"
Special attack: Backroom debates

heh. you can fill whatever stats you wanted in :laugh4:

FactionHeir

05-08-2008, 01:58

Oh well, looks like nobody its with me. Even my mum is against me. She says I'm being bullied because I haven't done a lot of things to be part of the group. I've got my "friends" (they aren't really friends, just good mates) support. Nothing else. I don't want to smoke. I don't want to go out. I don't want to be punched. I don't want to drink. I would have to change, but its a too high price I have to pay.

Hmm lets see, I don't go out much, don't drink and don't smoke and am fine. It comes down to finding the right kind of friends. Some people are full of vices, but there are a few here and there who will share your values, hook up with those!

Sasaki Kojiro

05-08-2008, 02:00

You should drink.

Beefy187

05-08-2008, 02:02

Oh well, looks like nobody its with me. Even my mum is against me. She says I'm being bullied because I haven't done a lot of things to be part of the group. I've got my "friends" (they aren't really friends, just good mates) support. Nothing else. I don't want to smoke. I don't want to go out. I don't want to be punched. I don't want to drink. I would have to change, but its a too high price I have to pay.

Well Orgahs are your friends :yes:

You seems to be getting bullied because your not "cool" well if thats the case then your hanging around with the wrong guys. Get away from those bad guys. Dont give up talking to your parents. They are your greatest supporters.

And if you dont want to smoke, go out or drink thats fine. Just stick with it and dont try to bend your self.

Go learn some martial arts maybe..

Caius

05-08-2008, 02:45

I think I didn't mention I have no friends in school. I'm a lonely geek in a club. I don't fit. Its me, and the price I have to pay for being different.

Sasaki Kojiro

05-08-2008, 02:56

I think I didn't mention I have no friends in school. I'm a lonely geek in a club. I don't fit. Its me, and the price I have to pay for being different.

You're in high school. You are far far FAR from the person you'll be a few years from now. I don't know anyone who hasn't changed drastically since high school. There's a huge gap even between 19 and 21. Most people don't figure themselves out until 25. But here's the thing, you have to work at it, otherwise you end up being one of those 40 year old guys having a mid life crisis. I don't know you or anything but the best I can see from the way you talk about yourself is that your unhappy about yourself, so change that. You don't have to define yourself by your differences.

Caius

05-08-2008, 03:03

Have you tried this approach?
Rule no1: Thats the stupidest idea evar. Period. I tried, but the only thing I made was that they wanted to punch me so hard, with more angry than ever.

That will make them more angry, and I know it from my very own experience.

naut

05-08-2008, 03:26

Alright sounds like a couple guys who went to my school. Lucky for them our school, although it had it's fair share of :daisy:s there were enough nicer people and people for them to relate to for it never to become an real issue.

In terms of changing yourself, that can be risky:

a) You lose sight of who you are and you become a facade of a person
b) They beat the :daisy: out of you because your a "try-hard".

It can be done, if done early/convincingly. Yet, it sounds like it's too late for that since you've only got one year of school left.

You don't have to smoke or drink or anything like that if you don't want to, it's your prerogative. However, I would advise you try to get/enlist some help. It could be anybody, anyone you can trust. Because, you can't go through this without help. It just doesn't work.

Gaius Scribonius Curio

05-08-2008, 03:39

You lose sight of who you are and you become a facade of a person

I can attest to that.

Best option having read through the whole thread seems to be to talk to your school counsellor or a teacher. As I and others have said, quitting now is letting the bullies win.

Geoffrey S

05-08-2008, 09:32

Well. What have you tried, then? Quite frankly, if you haven't been through this with the school administration or your parents yet, keeping this problem spinning around in your head with no release valve, then I think you've got far more productive things to do than wasting your time asking these kind of questions on an internet forum.

We can't help you. Only you, the school, and your family can do that.

Raz

05-08-2008, 09:40

.... and a good friend that knows kung-fu. ~:joker:

Riedquat

05-08-2008, 13:56

Caius... more info is needed hermano, if you are in a public school and the reality is how you are describing it I would say leave it in next month, you are 16-17, its enough age to inscribe yourself in a nocturnal school, you know only adults assist there and generally only people who really wants to learn; and we need to be honest here, we know education in our country is very far from ... good/nice/elemental/digestible... but you'll need it for everything. If needed I would say do it without the knowledge of your parents, but be responsible for what are you going to do.

And remember always there are another ways to solve things, perhaps they don't seem smart enough today but in the end they are.

Kagemusha

05-08-2008, 14:07

Dont quit school, let me repeat: Dont quit school.You should not give up your future, because some people try to make themselves look bad by picking on you.If you feel that you have low confidence to put the bullies in their place. I suggest you start working out, when you are physically strong and fit, your self confidence will get better also in the process. Remember bullies are usually cowards themselves. If you can show them that the affair between you and them wont turn out to be one sided, they will pick another to bully around.But what ever you do, dont throw away your future, because some loosers.

Rhyfelwyr

05-08-2008, 14:09

I've been in a similar situation where my friends (or more acquantances) were more the partying type and I wasn't, partly because of my parents but also because I'm not like that anyway.

Basically all that happened was I stopped hanging about with them. I've had people maybe try to bully me in the past, but its never went very far and they gave up pretty easily. I've been told by two different people, one in my Primary Scool and one in secondary, that people sometimes just have a go at me because they know I do not care.

If you don't let them get to you, then they will leave you alone.

And don't listen to your parents. In hindsight the closest people I have had to bullies in my lives have been my parents. If they are proving to be a brickwall, then talk to a teacher or even someone higher up in the school. Do not mess up the rest of your life over these idiots.

Vuk

05-08-2008, 15:52

Caius, I want to stress again that it is a really good idea to go to the authorities. Also, if you do not have a High-school diploma in America, that cuts 90% of the opportunitties out there. Stay with it whatever you do.
Also, about bullying; I have studied martial arts for quite a few years, and one of the first things they teach you (and I have seen it in my own experience) is that bullies are cowards. They only pick on people they see as weak. If you act like a victim they will treat you like one. I know it is really hard for a young person in highschool to grab the gaul and self confidence it takes, but you have to. That is really how you grow up. When you walk, do it with confindence and indifference. When you talk in front of other people, talk with confidence and don't show fear. If they threaten you or hit them, look them in the eyes and tell them with total confidence and absolute certainty that if they do it again, you are going to report them. Walk away.

Also, I would highly recommend learning a practical self-defense technique. I would suggest Taiji Quan.

Vuk

Samurai Waki

05-08-2008, 19:32

I only ever had one bully in the my life. New kid on the block so to speak, he pushed my around one day, so I turned around and smashed him in the face, broke his nose, four of his teeth, and gave him a black eye... I forgot to tell him I was three days away from getting my black belt in Judo. Needless to say, nobody bothered bullying me after that.

Caius

05-08-2008, 19:37

Time to get my punch bag in the backyard and practice it. I'm not a violent guy, but well, you force me to do so.

Sasaki, do you have a bat?

Sasaki Kojiro

05-08-2008, 19:55

A hatchet actually.

Makanyane

05-08-2008, 20:00

Make sure you know what you need to achieve to get though your exams, and to go on to further studies in better place (colleges are much less prone to bullying) or to get the job you want, and concentrate on that, don't let anyone put you off those aims - else you let the bullies win and they bugger up your life!

Generally bullies are cowards, facing them down can work sometimes, but don't push the point if they have lots of people joining in on their side and you don't! If necessary try to avoid them in social settings outside school - but make sure you do get to school for the necessary lessons /exams where there should be adult protection anyway.

edyzmedieval

05-08-2008, 20:47

Oh man, oh man. Bullying. I've been bullied so many times that I lost count. Everytime I felt so bad that I wanted to take a gun and shoot then. But everytime I chilled down because I knew it's not worth it. I always had friends due to my sociable nature so it wasn't a problem of that.

I don't drink. I don't smoke. I like clubbing but don't go often.

But I was always friends with the bigger guys. Back in the 7th and 8th grade, I was ok with my classmates (they weren't very fond of me) and sometimes I got into fights (once I got it so badly - a fist in the back of my head - that blood dripped from my nose). But I seriously didn't give a damn about these morons. I always concentrated on my thing and at one point 2 guys were kinda annoyed I knew the 12th grade girls and they didn't. :grin:

And plus, I always keep faith that I'll get my revenge one day. ~;)

So, ignore. Try to bite them. And when they come on you, run. Until you punch seriously or have the daisies to give them a bat between dem eggs, run. Run and fight another day rather than fight till you die this day.

Hope everything goes well. ~:)

LeftEyeNine

05-08-2008, 22:13

Btw, don't get scared of getting beaten. That's how you'd learn to beat.

Pain always empowers you in the long run.

Centurio Nixalsverdrus

05-08-2008, 23:21

Well, I was bullied myself once. It was really bad so I told my parents, and we went together to the principal of the school. The bulliers were treated very hard and the bullying stopped immediately. I kept my loyal mates, but it also kind of cut me off from the other pupils in school because I broke the law of not-denunciating. But I seriously gave a **** about that. What are people worth who support the bulliers more than the bullied?

If you don't have real friends at school, the price is nothing for you and I'd say make it the same way I did (if you can). Correct me if I'm wrong, but I assume you live in Argentina? Well, not that I know much about it, but an Argentine girl told me about the system there and I would dearly recommend you NOT to leave school, because you'll be completely ****** if you do.

I know bullying is psycho-terror, but do not quit school. Go through it and try not to look like a victim. Talk to the authorities. You could need a witness, so don't back off your loose mates.

RoadKill

05-09-2008, 00:07

I thought you were one of the 300 Spartans. Scream some crazy **** and kick him down a well.

Raz

05-09-2008, 09:42

If you're planning on getting physical, always make sure you've got someone to back you up, even if it's a small guy, just someone to distract them if you ever start on the losing side - That way your mate will give you enough time to control yourself and regain your senses.

Tell a friend too, say "I'm gonna fight this guy if he starts on me, so watch my back, kay?". Make sure you never start the whole incident yourself, make sure he comes onto you or provokes you first especially if it's at school itself, meaning you're most likely gonna get caught.

I've never under went any form of martial arts or boxing training, I'm self-taught. You see, I was always a small kid, so people saw me as an easy target all the time - you pick up a thing or two on how to defend yourself during these days before you start to fill out in your later teens. Once your actually in the fight, a blind-rage is just as good as many years experience. As Andres has said, a one well placed blow should ensure he doesn't come back, though if the fight is protracted, make sure you keep your distance, especially if you are a bit small compared to him. If that's the case, you'll need to use your quick, and speedy movement to your advantage. Something I've been told by people who have actually trained in a martial arts practice is that a good kick to the knee (pushing their knee backward) will also make them drop to the ground, provided it is powerful enough.

As you can tell by my sig and the detail I've put into this post, I'm a bit of a streetfighting nut - always defending myself though, never starting any fights. :wink2:

Beirut

05-09-2008, 11:40

Very difficult situation. One of the hardest to deal with.

First off, you can't quit school because of them. You're handing over far too much authority over yourself if you do. It's simply not an option.

The answer? I wish I had one. Don't neglect the simple and seemingly nerdy things like talking to your parents or a teacher. They know things you don't, especially about confrontation and how people behave and react.

Perhaps the best advice on how to deal with a bully, assuming you can't avoid them, is the classic advice; stand up to them. Bullies feed on fear. Every time you stand your ground it makes you a less interesting target. Bullies don't see people as individuals, they see them as targets. Be an individual. Surprise them. Stand your ground, hold your head up, and make no bones about it; "I don't care what your problem is, I'm not interested. Go **** with someone else."

Say it loud and say it clear and say it every time they bug you. If you remove the fun for them, they'll probably leave you alone.

Also, nothing wrong with exercise. You'll get stronger, feel better and more confident, and be even less of a target. One guy I work with was bullied in school, then he started lifting weights and within a "short" while, he was left alone. Not just because his arms got bigger, but because he looked and felt more confident.

LittleGrizzly

05-09-2008, 13:23

There is mostly other better advice here but this is something i developed myself over the years...

Im assuming the bullying is physical, if it is just name calling then use your brain your a pretty clever kid im sure you could run intellectual circles round the bullies, find thier weak spot, be it something physically different thier intellectual capacity or just how many times you did thier mother last night.

Back onto my main point, if the bullying is physical then just stand there and take every punch, laugh in thier face and ask for more, it takes alot of concentration to ignore the pain but show them that they cannot hurt you and they ultimately either get bored of start feeling stupid. If they do just continually punch you wait until thier are pulling back to throw another one and either
1) throw all your force into a punch in the face
2) dive at them hitting them to the floor and then try to get some type of grab on them, a simple headlock will do

If you ultimately cannot defeat them physically then theres nothing wrong with fighting dirty,

(Ummmm... no - Beirut)

edyzmedieval

05-09-2008, 18:07

(Un-Frontroomish comments - Beirut)

Vuk

05-09-2008, 18:14

Stay away from "dirtyfighting". It is lowly, dangerous, and if you do it, you will make an enemy for life. Do what you need to defend yourself, but trust me, it is better to stay away from things like that.

Rhyfelwyr

05-09-2008, 19:37

I think that one's a bit too nasty. Please tell me you haven't actually done that before...

(Edited quote - Beirut)

Beirut

05-09-2008, 20:21

Yeah, that's about enough of that. Kindly refrain from giving information on how to fold, spindle, and mutilate.

If you have something smart to say, please. If you don't, please don't.

Thank you.

Rhyfelwyr

05-09-2008, 22:59

:balloon:

First time I've read posts before the moderators have come and cut them.:2thumbsup:

But back on the OP, I really do not think that you should try to retaliate before you see someone about the issue. If your parents won't listen, take it to the school. Even if you seem cold and that you are not trying to socialise, then that causes no harm to other people and they have no right to be causing you this misery. Please, go to the school authorities with it. Or even just a teacher, but let them know there is a problem.

Good Ship Chuckle

05-10-2008, 01:49

Once you begin to set foot in that frame of mind of fighting, it's hard to quit. Nonviolence is the key.

"Those who live by the sword, die by the sword." :bow:

...(in this case it's fists)

Caius

05-10-2008, 03:09

WEll, there is a relation between the bullies and the autorities. If they bullies are given warnings, they will stare and me and they will give me threats of being punched and kicked.

The last days were good, at least I was ignored from those who try to hurt me, and I had an interesting talk with a friend of mine. Looks like I have to go into a paranoia state and think ten times what I'm going to say because I can be attacked again.

Whacker

05-10-2008, 03:14

Once you begin to set foot in that frame of mind of fighting, it's hard to quit. Nonviolence is the key.

"Those who live by the sword, die by the sword." :bow:

...(in this case it's fists)

Respectfully, no, negative, never, absolutely not, etc etc. This is a very bad, wrong mindset, is not honorable and does nothing but further your case as a victim and empower bullies. Getting smacked around without fighting back does nothing for your physical health or self esteem. You are not better than the person who is whacking you around for letting them do so.

Don't go looking for a fight, but don't be a coward or a victim. Getting back into a corner and forced to defend yourself is awful enough, but not fighting and standing up for yourself is the little death that brings total oblivion. As I and others have said, if you act like a victim that's exactly how you'll be treated.

Caius,

Hopefully you've talked to your parents and some authority figures by now on this. If not then do so SOON.

Lastly, at the risk of being a broken record, I strongly urge you to look into a good martial art that will teach you real application, not just useless forms and showy kicks. It does not matter what art it is, there is no such thing as superior martial art and everyone has their own opinion on what's best (myself included). Even if you situation improves tomorrow and you never have to deal with this again, the health, discipline, and confidence benefits will be well worth your time and effort. Plus being able to dismantle someone is pretty cool unto itself. :laugh4:

Best of luck kiddo. We're all pulling for you.
:balloon2:

Good Ship Chuckle

05-10-2008, 03:48

I think the worst thing you could do is drop from school.
Doing so would give the bullies the greatest satisfaction knowing that they have that kind of power. Not to mention how you will be shortchanging yourself in the long run. Do whatever it takes to get that degree.

LittleGrizzly

05-10-2008, 12:03

Stay away from "dirtyfighting". It is lowly, dangerous, and if you do it, you will make an enemy for life.

I think if someones determined to make your life a misery with physical bullying you have to make them come out of it with at least one injury every time, if every time i hits me i manage to poke him in the eye an he walks round with a bad eye all day how many days in a row is he going to want to keep that up.

TBH if the bullying is bad enough im up for just standing there and spitting at him, is it really going to be worth the pleasure of hitting you if every time you just start spitting like crazy.

Beirut

05-10-2008, 12:47

Raz

05-10-2008, 14:14

And when is a fight labeled unavoidable?

In your example (I hope that's an example, 'cause being partially blinded doesn't sound too fun), if the one who was blinded was the one who provoked him, then I believe the result was just and he got exactly what he deserved, no matter what triggered the incident. Who knows, this guy that blinded him might've been mentally unfit, in a blind-rage or going through tough times in the rocky-road of life itself. The result, being the blinding, might've been completely accidental/was not the target/aim. These are all applicable defenses. Thus this inane argument might not have been worth the blinding, but it was completely justified. :bow:

Vuk

05-10-2008, 16:16

Call me a shmoo if you wish, but I'm of the opinion that 99% of potentially violent conflicts can be avoided, either by simply being avoided or reasoned out of. There is a huge difference between being a pacifist, if we are going to use that term, and being a victim. I consider myself a pacifist for the most part. I find the idea of people hitting othere people for sport (unless it is a sport) very disturbing.

That in mind, I would take grave exception to anyone trying to make a victim out of me. Also, keep in mind I'm an old fart by many of your standards and have, in hindsight, seen the uselessness and stupidity of violence. I have also, as many of you have, heard of people suffering grievous injuries over stupid affairs. Two dummies argue over nothing, a punch is thrown, and one poor guy's retina is damagaed beyond repair. Was that inane argument worth being partially blinded over?

I will avoid every fight except the unavoidable one.

I agree with Beruit. You should ALWAYS avoid a physical confrontation if possible. They always teach you when you learn martial arts that you should do everything possible including running to avoid a fight. I am 6' 3'' and wiegh 230lbs. I have been studying martial arts for years and am not one 99.9999% of people would want to tangle with. I have had to turn and walk away several times to avoid a fight before. When I have been forced into physical confontations I have done what I needed to protect myself, but no more. Even if you are forced into a physical confrontation your objective should not be to injure someone, but to protect yourself.

Stay away from "dirtyfighting". It is lowly, dangerous, and if you do it, you will make an enemy for life.

I think if someones determined to make your life a misery with physical bullying you have to make them come out of it with at least one injury every time, if every time i hits me i manage to poke him in the eye an he walks round with a bad eye all day how many days in a row is he going to want to keep that up.

That is very bad advice Grizzly, and dangerous to. Also, you run a risk of permanently injuring someone, wish you probably do not want to do because of school bullying.

TBH if the bullying is bad enough im up for just standing there and spitting at him, is it really going to be worth the pleasure of hitting you if every time you just start spitting like crazy.
That is again bad advice. You will only get you face pushed in if you do that.

Ramses II CP

05-10-2008, 16:31

You need to get some perspective on the problem and take the long view of the solution. First off, everyone gets bullied, a large part of being in school is learning how to adjust to it, defray the social costs, and incorporate yourself into the group structure. People who say they didn't get bullied simply conformed well enough socially that the word teasing, or even joking, better describes for them the behavior you're experiencing as bullying. It's all a part of the same system.

I agree with a lot of the other posters here that you should not be afraid to fight. If someone pushes you, push back. No matter if you win or not you'll respect yourself for it in the long run, which is more important than any one fight. In my own experience having fought just a few times in school I was not physically bullied afterward.

On finding perspective, I recommend reading. Either novels which explore the problem from a more internal view (Lord of the Flies can be a good starting place), or works of philosophy for a broader examination of the nature of social pressure. In this direction I'd recommend the same things I would for a starting student of politics, Hobbes (Leviathan), Hume (A Treatise of Human Nature), and Marx. The problems you are learning to deal with run through society from top to bottom, and it's better to figure out now how you want to deal with them than to put it off and have them continue to trouble you in your adult life.

A longer view of the problem and it's solution will help you realize that what you're going through right now, although it feels very important and serious, is both utterly unimportant and not at all serious. Once you get through school, and no matter which solution you pursue, or even if you pursue none of them, you will get through it, it will be your choice whether or not you ever again see any of the people who loom so large right now. You can shed them like a bad habit and never look back for the rest of your life.

Let me see if I can sum up that hodgepodge up there:

1. Seek to understand the system that produces the behavior, not the individuals that exhibit it. Individuals aren't the real problem, they're just a symptom of the problems inherent to human society. If you can see the patterns that produce the behavior you can learn to control it, or at least avoid it.

2. Find a coping mechanism and stick with it. If you're attacked, fight back.

3. Life goes on, don't sweat the small stuff, and similar platitudes to the effect that things will get better, you just have to endure these bumps on the path.

:egypt:

Good Ship Chuckle

05-10-2008, 18:21

Wow Ramses. That was very eloquent. I liked when you said "1. Seek to understand the system that produces the behavior, not the individuals that exhibit it. Individuals aren't the real problem, they're just a symptom of the problems inherent to human society. If you can see the patterns that produce the behavior you can learn to control it, or at least avoid it."
In fact, it stirred my mind to this thought.

Being a pacifist is the hardest path--to take injury from your enemies and then give forgiveness back to them and respect to yourself.

The easier path is to give injury back to them and respect to yourself.

Both paths have the same objective of making a change in your enemy. But to stick with the former, I think you must be made of sterner stuff. Any five-year old can hit back. But to forgive; that takes a man of greater constitution.
:7detective:

Beirut

05-10-2008, 22:16

And when is a fight labeled unavoidable?

It's unavoidable when it's unavoidable. Each set of circumstances is different and specific. If I can walk away from a situation without engaging in violence, then it's avoidable. If I cannot, then it's unavoidable.

Rhyfelwyr

05-10-2008, 22:19

It's unavoidable when it's unavoidable. Each set of circumstances is different and specific. If I can walk away from a situation without engaging in violence, then it's avoidable. If I cannot, then it's unavoidable.

I thought you carried a massive axe everywhere you went? How do you resist? :inquisitive:

Beirut

05-11-2008, 00:28

I thought you carried a massive axe everywhere you went? How do you resist? :inquisitive:

I'm old enough and (barely) wise enough to know the true evils of violence. I find the idea of hurting another person for reasons of ego to be a shameful and shallow and often cowardly act. If someone wants to impress me with how tough they are, they can show me how well they work, how well they deal with responsibility, and how well they keep their word.

I'm having a beer and I have the time, so I'll tell you a story (I might have told it before) about a guy who "bullied" me at work. At the log yard, we had these two twins working for us, both were a good 6'2", pretty big and pretty tough. Half French/Half Irish. One of the guys was (mostly) ok, the other wasn't. The nasty guy was a real bar fighter and big mouth, he liked to bump into me in the yard when he walked past me, and he'd always make comments, like "Where's your purse?" or "Oh, you're using the woman's tools." Stuff like that. In a fight with this guy, I would have come off badly, I'm sure.

One day he did something, I don't remember what, and I had enough. I went over to a pile of pine logs we used for the houses, picked out a decent sized piece, maybe seven feet long and about a foot across. I put it on my shoulder, and walked up the small hill in the yard ,down the hill, across the yard (maybe 200') and back. (At this point the rest of the guys have come over to watch.) When I got back, I dropped the log at the guy's feet and said, "Until you do that, you're my *****."

Well, the guy picked up the log and put it on his shoulder, turned beet red, walked up the small hill, back down, and dropped the log and nearly collapsed. Now my buddy comes over, says "There's nothing Beirut can do that I can't." He picks up the log, up the hill, down the hill, across the yard and back.. Then my boss does it. Then my other buddy does it except on the way back across the yard he jogs with the log. This guy is tough. By this time we barely notice that the big bar fighting tough guy has gotten in his car and left. He never bugged me after that.

In a fight I'm sure I would have gotten the worst of it, but as a worker, I could leave him in the dust five times over. I'm not sure what the moarl is here other than fighting isn't everything, and bullies can be put in their place without violence.

Evil_Maniac From Mars

05-11-2008, 00:37

Lastly, at the risk of being a broken record, I strongly urge you to look into a good martial art that will teach you real application, not just useless forms and showy kicks.

How are the sambo schools in Argentina?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=75gwKhV5NmY&feature=related

Caius

05-11-2008, 01:04

How are the sambo schools in Argentina?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=75gwKhV5NmY&feature=related
Who needs Vin Diesel when you have students of those kinds of school?

/grabs coat

LittleGrizzly

05-11-2008, 13:27

Well the dirty fighting is more of a last resort than anything, when you get to the point that your getting your face punched in anyway, and when it gets to the point that you could be the one walking away with the injury....

Good Ship Chuckle

05-12-2008, 21:52

When I got back, I dropped the log at the guy's feet and said, "Until you do that, you're my *****."

Yes! :wry:

Hey man, if you can't beat him at his game, then force him with his pride to contest against you in a game you're better at!

Ferret

05-12-2008, 22:21

wow, I've never heard anyone say 'read Marx if you are being bullied' :clown:

My advice is use you friends. Try to stay close to them and if they are decent friends they will stand up for you, especially if they are pretty big. If you are physically bullied then it is a problem and you should either tell someone or fight back if you are confident enough you can deter them without serious injury to you or the bully. Throughout my school years I have avoided fights due to the fact that I don't want to get in trouble rather than scared I'll get hurt, but I have never hesitated to use force when I am certain it is necessary.