MonkeyMan
10-31-2002, 18:01
Excerpt from the deathbed speech of King Alfred III of the English c.1256
“Come in close my son so you can hear me speak, for before I die I would pass on the advice my father gave to me on the day he died, and his father gave to him …. Right back to Mad King Steven I the inbred loon on the Penguin people.
Good breeding is a science my son, you are proof of this, you are twice the man I was at your age and much greater a man than your two older brothers who died mysterious deaths soon after coming of age.
I shall tell you what I know of it that my line will continue down the ages and your sons will in turn be as powerful god fearing and intelligent as you are now.
Firstly my son to start you down the road of heirs is marriage. Your own mother was the daughter or Philippe the foolish of the French, and learn this well, it matters not who you marry, only that to be married before you come to the throne is an advantage in the heirs you bring when you come to be king. You know I was unable to find you a foreign bride, it seems that it is lonely at the top, but it matters not. As any man knows, sons are merely slightly different versions of themselves, with the mothers part done once the child is ripped from her womb, such that she may return to her leisure and have no contact with her noble son.
A sons upbringing should be with his father, perhaps at the birth of a son you should step back and contemplate your moves, we cannot go back on ourselves and bring up a son in the proper way if mistakes are made can we? But worry not, a couple of years matter not if the upbringing is sound, by the time the child has reached about 12 little can be done to change him. At these points the father should show the son how to rule, make war and put down rebellions. Always ensure you have at least one heir, but when there are some to choose from make sure the best of your sons is next in line the throne, the others as was the case with your unfortunate older brothers met with deaths at the hands of the inquisition and the spears of rebellious masses and assassins sanctioned by unknowns. Of course your brother Henry died in battle with myself, seemingly not being the general in the battle made him feel quite unhealthy that day and when he charged impetuously out with his men, him at the front in some kind of arrowhead formation as we defended the hill I knew he would not return to camp that evening.
When your son is 14 and about to come of age, ensure you return to your capital, that he might receive the best weapons and armour you can find.
Once you have a good heir, you must train him as you have trained yourself up until his coming of age. Give to him a strong army of powerful units, like yours of chivalric knights with superb armour and incite rebellion in Scotland and Portugal. Every year or so, a rebellion will come and your army kept in fine Wessex will go and sort out the problem, make sure you take about half the number of rebels, such that everyone can have a few to themselves. If the army has spears dismount some of your men and take some archers. When you feel safely in control of the battle charge in yourself and learn the joy of combat. Once the captured rebels are assembled, sometimes kill them, and sometime s show mercy depending on the reputation you wish to forge, but once you have a reputation, simply kill the leaders. Following this path should insure each generation passes on an extra level of command experience to the next, that your sons may learn of the lessons of the past.
Send your son on a crusade, but fund it well with good troops and make sure it is over quickly, in my youth this taught me to be the gentle knight I am now and my men honour me as a result.
If you wish piety of your son, you should employ a lowly inquisitor with little skill, try him. There has never been any chance of him being guilty, but this tutelage has served you well my son, and despite the annoyance and the fact you are a confirmed atheist the populace believe you to be holier than the pope himself.
Build a University that your son may learn from scholars and effectively run an economy.
This my son is how it has been for generations, you are 9 times the man your ancestors were, and the kingdom is run by powerful relatives in all its most important parts, showing that long term benefits can be gained from such a practice.
Finally my son beware gods judgement on the powerful for it is well know that those such as you can spawn sons with no military ability at all for in the bible it is written that 9+1 does not equal 10 but 0.
Go now my son there is much work for you to do. I die…..”
One year later King Richard IV declared himself the second King of the penguin people and was often seen in heavily drunken orgies with young boys, his own mother and a Goat called Bob. His rule lasted for only 5 years.
The moral of this is even the best laid plans are doomed to failure, so why bother in the first place.
“Come in close my son so you can hear me speak, for before I die I would pass on the advice my father gave to me on the day he died, and his father gave to him …. Right back to Mad King Steven I the inbred loon on the Penguin people.
Good breeding is a science my son, you are proof of this, you are twice the man I was at your age and much greater a man than your two older brothers who died mysterious deaths soon after coming of age.
I shall tell you what I know of it that my line will continue down the ages and your sons will in turn be as powerful god fearing and intelligent as you are now.
Firstly my son to start you down the road of heirs is marriage. Your own mother was the daughter or Philippe the foolish of the French, and learn this well, it matters not who you marry, only that to be married before you come to the throne is an advantage in the heirs you bring when you come to be king. You know I was unable to find you a foreign bride, it seems that it is lonely at the top, but it matters not. As any man knows, sons are merely slightly different versions of themselves, with the mothers part done once the child is ripped from her womb, such that she may return to her leisure and have no contact with her noble son.
A sons upbringing should be with his father, perhaps at the birth of a son you should step back and contemplate your moves, we cannot go back on ourselves and bring up a son in the proper way if mistakes are made can we? But worry not, a couple of years matter not if the upbringing is sound, by the time the child has reached about 12 little can be done to change him. At these points the father should show the son how to rule, make war and put down rebellions. Always ensure you have at least one heir, but when there are some to choose from make sure the best of your sons is next in line the throne, the others as was the case with your unfortunate older brothers met with deaths at the hands of the inquisition and the spears of rebellious masses and assassins sanctioned by unknowns. Of course your brother Henry died in battle with myself, seemingly not being the general in the battle made him feel quite unhealthy that day and when he charged impetuously out with his men, him at the front in some kind of arrowhead formation as we defended the hill I knew he would not return to camp that evening.
When your son is 14 and about to come of age, ensure you return to your capital, that he might receive the best weapons and armour you can find.
Once you have a good heir, you must train him as you have trained yourself up until his coming of age. Give to him a strong army of powerful units, like yours of chivalric knights with superb armour and incite rebellion in Scotland and Portugal. Every year or so, a rebellion will come and your army kept in fine Wessex will go and sort out the problem, make sure you take about half the number of rebels, such that everyone can have a few to themselves. If the army has spears dismount some of your men and take some archers. When you feel safely in control of the battle charge in yourself and learn the joy of combat. Once the captured rebels are assembled, sometimes kill them, and sometime s show mercy depending on the reputation you wish to forge, but once you have a reputation, simply kill the leaders. Following this path should insure each generation passes on an extra level of command experience to the next, that your sons may learn of the lessons of the past.
Send your son on a crusade, but fund it well with good troops and make sure it is over quickly, in my youth this taught me to be the gentle knight I am now and my men honour me as a result.
If you wish piety of your son, you should employ a lowly inquisitor with little skill, try him. There has never been any chance of him being guilty, but this tutelage has served you well my son, and despite the annoyance and the fact you are a confirmed atheist the populace believe you to be holier than the pope himself.
Build a University that your son may learn from scholars and effectively run an economy.
This my son is how it has been for generations, you are 9 times the man your ancestors were, and the kingdom is run by powerful relatives in all its most important parts, showing that long term benefits can be gained from such a practice.
Finally my son beware gods judgement on the powerful for it is well know that those such as you can spawn sons with no military ability at all for in the bible it is written that 9+1 does not equal 10 but 0.
Go now my son there is much work for you to do. I die…..”
One year later King Richard IV declared himself the second King of the penguin people and was often seen in heavily drunken orgies with young boys, his own mother and a Goat called Bob. His rule lasted for only 5 years.
The moral of this is even the best laid plans are doomed to failure, so why bother in the first place.