A moral dilemma [Archive]

Kralizec

10-18-2008, 22:55

Do you consider it acceptable to date an ex-girlfriend of one of your friends?

Before anyone gets the wrong idea, it's been almost two years since the people involved parted and I never considered making an attempt on her until now.

Crazed Rabbit

10-18-2008, 23:00

Yes, I do, certainly under the conditions you outlined.

CR

AlexanderSextus

10-18-2008, 23:02

yeah, you good son... go for it!

PBI

10-18-2008, 23:19

Two years? Seems like fair game to me.

Though it might be nice to give the friend a heads-up first. Plus if it turns out he couldn't care less then you can stop worrying.

Dutch_guy

10-18-2008, 23:33

Two years? Seems like fair game to me.

Though it might be nice to give the friend a heads-up first. Plus if it turns out he couldn't care less then you can stop worrying.

My thoughts exactly. Two years is a long time, I doubt he'd mind unless he's still emotional about it. In which case you'd do well to refer him to a psychologist.

:balloon2:

Kekvit Irae

10-18-2008, 23:46

Two years? Seems like fair game to me.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

pevergreen

10-19-2008, 00:09

Coming from someone who had the position of your friend, two years should be fine, but it's always nice to let the friend know.

LeftEyeNine

10-19-2008, 00:42

How they parted and what each side of the old story carried further decides the verdict.

It's not like you'd surely be still thinking of someone you had broken up with 2 years ago but this fact does not mean that it wouldn't create sparks in your mind should a friend starts dating your ex.

So many personal and cultural variables effect it. You'd still get a "no problem" reply from your friend if you would be kind enough to ask about your thoughts about his ex, as PBI suggested, however it could still be problemous for him in his mind afterwards during your relationship.

Friends are to stay forever, generally feel even stronger to stay after all girls that pass through your life.

I go for the worst case scenarios when it comes to dating. It's always less painful to turn your head away from a beauty provided you need to act such.

And sorry for being a cautious pain in the a**, maybe it's all about our culture and I'm speaking of nonsense.

CountArach

10-19-2008, 03:29

No problems here.

pevergreen

10-19-2008, 03:45

So many personal and cultural variables effect it. You'd still get a "no problem" reply from your friend if you would be kind enough to ask about your thoughts about his ex, as PBI suggested, however it could still be problemous for him in his mind afterwards during your relationship.

Seconded. In my situation, my ex asked me if it was ok for "us to date friends of the other person" I said yes. Then when she started going out it was a total surprise the way I felt towards that relationship.

If you take the cautious route, ask him again about a week after going out with her how he feels. He probably will say fine but still...

naut

10-19-2008, 08:48

Go for it.

Kralizec

10-19-2008, 16:02

Thanks, guys. And Kekvit ;)

How they parted and what each side of the old story carried further decides the verdict.

It's not like you'd surely be still thinking of someone you had broken up with 2 years ago but this fact does not mean that it wouldn't create sparks in your mind should a friend starts dating your ex.

They've got a fairly complicated history, but he dumped her when she was still crazy about him and he was only keeping her around for the sake of being in a relationship.
He's not exactly a beacon of calmness and reason either, and I'm pretty sure he's going to be extremely pissed.

I haven't actually asked her out yet; I'll take Pever's suggestion and see if it's going anywhere before I break the news to him.

Fragony

10-19-2008, 16:29

Do you consider it acceptable to date an ex-girlfriend of one of your friends?

Yeah, but inform your mate first. Been in similar waters, it's very awkward. Shouldn't hold back but it's not that good of an idea unless you are serious about it, just a friendly warning. He can hold nothing against you at least, but he will.

||Lz3||

10-19-2008, 17:54

pevergreen

10-19-2008, 23:14

Oh trust me Lz3, it gets a LOT more awkward than that. Imagine that situation, but add in friend #3. Then add in girl's dissaproving friends, then add in a whole lot more confusion.

Koga No Goshi

10-20-2008, 17:33

you haven't met my friends...

I have two particular friends who are very close, they go everywhere together.

well friend #1 got involved with this particular girl, and they dated for about a year, most of the time the 3 would hang out together.

however, they broke up, and a month later, friend #2 was dating the same girl... and the 3 of them would hang out together also!

with all the kissing in public thing :dizzy2:

Are you guys programmers or computer science majors? Because seriously, I see this with computer guys all the time. I think it's because it's so rare for them to be introduced to new women that when they do meet one, she kinda ends up dating several of them. :no:

edyzmedieval

10-20-2008, 19:55

Bros before ****. Always remember, friends stay, girlfriends/girls come and go.
So, after 2 years, hit the pedal, but inform your friend first.

||Lz3||

10-20-2008, 20:35

Are you guys programmers or computer science majors? Because seriously, I see this with computer guys all the time. I think it's because it's so rare for them to be introduced to new women that when they do meet one, she kinda ends up dating several of them. :no:

meh that was high school...:guitarist:

but I do like computer sciences... :brood:

drone

10-20-2008, 20:57

As others have said, ask first.

One thing you might want to take into account is the amount of time you spend with your friend. Having her around when hanging out with him and others can cause either a) jealousy problems, or b) re-ignite their old feelings. You said it was a complicated relationship, be careful down when going down this path.

Thermal

10-20-2008, 20:58

oooohhh. i may have a similiar problem, only its been 2 months, not 2 years....

Kekvit Irae

10-21-2008, 01:18

Thanks, guys. And Kekvit ;)

They've got a fairly complicated history, but he dumped her when she was still crazy about him and he was only keeping her around for the sake of being in a relationship.
He's not exactly a beacon of calmness and reason either, and I'm pretty sure he's going to be extremely pissed.

I haven't actually asked her out yet; I'll take Pever's suggestion and see if it's going anywhere before I break the news to him.

Just remember... wrap it before you tap it. :tongueg:

Yoyoma1910

10-21-2008, 02:46

Are you guys programmers or computer science majors? Because seriously, I see this with computer guys all the time. I think it's because it's so rare for them to be introduced to new women that when they do meet one, she kinda ends up dating several of them. :no:

I see that everywhere. I don't even know any computer programers. Well, one. But he owns a resturant.

I think the real question is, "Is she a hotty?"

pevergreen

10-21-2008, 07:17

oooohhh. i may have a similiar problem, only its been 2 months, not 2 years....

Dont do it. Not that soon, unless he broke it off.

Thermal

10-21-2008, 18:03

Dont do it. Not that soon, unless he broke it off.

:wall:

Strike For The South

10-21-2008, 19:20

Rather personal.....

Hax

10-21-2008, 19:53

I give you leave, minion.

ELITEofWARMANGINGERYBREADMEN88

10-21-2008, 20:39

KukriKhan

10-22-2008, 14:40

No tapping a buddy's ex. Ever. It's in the Man-Code, Chapter 3, verse 5.

Not a buddy? No prob. But you can't do both.

Maybe it's OK in Europe.

LeftEyeNine

10-22-2008, 16:07

No tapping a buddy's ex. Ever. It's in the Man-Code, Chapter 3, verse 5.

Not a buddy? No prob. But you can't do both.

Maybe it's OK in Europe.

If it's a buddy, good ol' codes tested by time are sure to depend on.

Another reason to bow before Kukri-sensei 's wisdom. :bow:

Ja'chyra

10-23-2008, 15:05

Go for it, and don't ask him just let him know, you don't need permission, well not his anyway :embarassed: