Dear Texan

[Strike For The South]

Questions accepted in ego stroking format. Answers may be condescending

[Koga No Goshi]

Questions accepted in ego stroking format. Answers may be condescending

Dear Great Lord Sex-God of the Texans with a Beer Bottle,

Why does Texas hate America so much?

Left Wing Berkeley Liberal

[Fragony]

Dear Texan, I want a good recipe for a real authentic texan chili con carne.

[Strike For The South]

Dear Great Lord Sex-God of the Texans with a Beer Bottle,

Why does Texas hate America so much?

Left Wing Berkeley Liberal

Dear LWBL,

Texas does not hate America. Hate implies a strong showing of emotion. We merely tolerate the pitful 49. Its like when a cousin you dont like comes into town and you have to show him around and let him hang out with you. We dont let it bother us to much, we just continue to drink with Canada and Mexico and bully America

[Strike For The South]

Dear Texan, I want a good recipe for a real authentic texan chili con carne.

Dear Fragtastic

Beef or venison?

[Koga No Goshi]

Dear Fragtastic

Beef or venison?

Don't they have possum and roadkill too?

[Strike For The South]

Don't they have possum and roadkill too?

No its to stringy for a good chili

[TinCow]

Dear Texan,

Why do you tolerate the heathen metropolis of Austin? The entire city is dominated by the tech industry. Surely all good Texans are aware that this industry is replete with Dirty Liberals. This creates a horrible splotch of blue amidst your wondrous fields of red (http://www-personal.umich.edu/~mejn/election/countymapredbluelarge.png). Austin is clearly Messing With Texas, which I believe the State Constitution prohibits. Why have you not dealt with this matter?

Sincerely,
Born in Texas

[Fragony]

Dear Fragtastic

Beef or venison?

deers are hard to find here sometimes I have to drive around for a week. Will have to be beef.

[Strike For The South]

Dear Texan,

Why do you tolerate the heathen metropolis of Austin? The entire city is dominated by the tech industry. Surely all good Texans are aware that this industry is replete with Dirty Liberals. This creates a horrible splotch of blue amidst your wondrous fields of red (http://www-personal.umich.edu/~mejn/election/countymapredbluelarge.png). Austin is clearly Messing With Texas, which I believe the State Constitution prohibits. Why have you not dealt with this matter?

Sincerely,
Born in Texas

Dear BIT,

Texas is a big place and at times even our fathers and brothers fall victim to the blue scourge however being the geniuses we are we decided to let them make money for us on there colony not to mention All the other UNIs in Texas need someone to hate collectively and all the other counties need to be able to point to one county that is screwing everything up. Austin provides that. Austin may think its messing with Texas when in fact Texas is messing with Austin....Does that not blow your mind?

[Reverend Joe]

Dear Texan,

How do I become a Texan?

[Strike For The South]

deers are hard to find here sometimes I have to drive around for a week. Will have to be beef.

There are more deer in Texas than there are people in Norway. Did you know that? As to your question. Chili is like Texas each one is highly indidulastic and different no two chilis are alike. Many people say how a man makes a chili will tell you allot about him. That being said you must have

Beef
Chili Peppers
Anaheim pepers
White onions
Garlic
cumin

Thats is really your base. Now personally I like to add tomatoes and colby jack, my father likes to add beans and my neighbor likes to use big chunks of steak with a sauce that has a much more pinto bean flavor than beef. You really must experiment

[Strike For The South]

Dear Texan,

How do I become a Texan?

Dear Joe,

Whiskey
Beer
Freebird
Football
Women
BBQ
Sweet Tea

[Louis VI the Fat]

Dear hick,


Whale...ah hayr duh bayust bare cumfrum Taxes. Awl havun, yont wun too?
Then ah wunna goduh bayud wid yew sistuh, shay shore is bodacious! Can ah bah her frum ya fer muh blayuck pikumup?


Sincerly,
Louis 'ahm the bayust Taxan round 'ere' The Fat.


[Dear sir,

Well, I hear the best beer comes from Texas. I'll have one, would you like one as well?
Then I want to go to Bayud [place in South Texas] with your sister. She sure is swell looking! Can I convince you with my black pick-up?]

[Koga No Goshi]

Dear Texan He-God,

How can other states in the U.S. be more like Texas? What fundamental changes should they make to their government or lifestyles to emulate your greatness?

LWBL

[Tristuskhan]

Dear Joe,

Whiskey
Beer
Freebird
Football
Women
BBQ
Sweet Tea

And Skynyrd, obviously.

Edit: wôôt? Not Texan? What a pity.....

[Strike For The South]

Dear hick,


Whale...ah hayr duh bayust bare cumfrum Taxes. Awl havun, yont wun too?
Then ah wunna goduh bayud wid yew sistuh, shay shore is bodacious! Can ah bah her frum ya fer muh blayuck pikumup?


Sincerly,
Louis 'ahm the bayust Taxan round 'ere' The Fat.


[Dear sir,

Well, I hear the best beer comes from Texas. I'll have one, would you like one as well?
Then I want to go to Bayud [place in South Texas] with your sister. She sure is swell looking! Can I convince you with my black pick-up?]

Dear Sweetie Pie,
Yes I will have a beer with you and you can date my sister if you like however she can kick some serious arse. So watch yourself.

[Strike For The South]

Dear Texan He-God,

How can other states in the U.S. be more like Texas? What fundamental changes should they make to their government or lifestyles to emulate your greatness?

LWBL

Dear LWBL

There is, unfortunately only one Texas. Drinking more alcohol always helps as does an appreciation for our music and food. Being polite always helps as well. Texans are always appalled at the lack of manners the pitiful 49 have.

[Strike For The South]

And Skynyrd, obviously.

Edit: wôôt? Not Texan? What a pity.....

hence freebird my frog friend

[Seamus Fermanagh]

Dear Texan (no extra flattery required; that label alone is enough to stand proud):

Is it really fair for people to call pulled-meat "barbecue?"


Signed,

Meat Matters.

[Strike For The South]

Dear Texan (no extra flattery required; that label alone is enough to stand proud):

Is it really fair for people to call pulled-meat "barbecue?"


Signed,

Meat Matters.

Dear MM,

If it is in a sandwich than its acceptable. Otherwise the bone should be attached.

[Koga No Goshi]

Dear Texan,

I am a proud southerner from Arkansas married to my first cousin Cindy Lou.

If we move to your proud state of Texas, will our marriage still be legal?

Signed,
Concerned about the family tree.

[Strike For The South]

Dear Texan,

I am a proud southerner from Arkansas married to my first cousin Cindy Lou.

If we move to your proud state of Texas, will our marriage still be legal?

Signed,
Concerned about the family tree.

Dear Hillbilly

No. Texans are not Southerners. Southerners are Yankees with heat stroke. Texans are like Jesus but funnier at parties.

[Whacker]

Dear Texass;

Can you give us an updated ETA on the entire state sinking into the Gulf of Mexico? We really wish that'd hurry up and happen very soon.

Sincerely,
The rest of the US

:balloon2:


Lastly,

Nominated for post of the year.


Dear hick,


Whale...ah hayr duh bayust bare cumfrum Taxes. Awl havun, yont wun too?
Then ah wunna goduh bayud wid yew sistuh, shay shore is bodacious! Can ah bah her frum ya fer muh blayuck pikumup?


Sincerly,
Louis 'ahm the bayust Taxan round 'ere' The Fat.


[Dear sir,

Well, I hear the best beer comes from Texas. I'll have one, would you like one as well?
Then I want to go to Bayud [place in South Texas] with your sister. She sure is swell looking! Can I convince you with my black pick-up?]

[Sarmatian]

Dear Texan

Is it true that Texas is the only place in the world where Chuck Norris fears to tread?

Lowly worm begging for your attention

[Rhyfelwyr]

Dear Texan

Is it true that Texas is the only place in the world where Chuck Norris fears to tread?

Lowly worm begging for your attention

Now thats just silly. :rolleyes:

You need some sense roundhouse-kicked into you!

[OverKnight]

Dear Texan,

Who would have more foreign policy experience, a Governor of your state or of Alaska?

Trig

[Strike For The South]

Dear Texan,

Who would have more foreign policy experience, a Governor of your state or of Alaska?

Trig

Dear Trig,

Alaskans are wanna be Texans. They imitate us in every possible way but we do it better. So Governor Good Hair knows more than I can see Russia Palin.

[KarlXII]

Dear Texan,

Can I rub my head on you to recieve your awesome?

From,

A fan.

[Kurando]

Lonesome Dove;

Does the yellow rose of Texas really beat the belles of Tennessee?

Lonesome Bulldog.

.

[CountArach]

Dear Texan,

How long until you guys secede?

[yesdachi]

Dear Texan,

Is it true, if your gonna play in Texas you gotta have a fiddle in the band?

Sincerely, Fiddler of Diddles

[Strike For The South]

Dear Texan,

Can I rub my head on you to recieve your awesome?

From,

A fan.

Dear A Fan,

Yes,yes you may.

[Strike For The South]

Lonesome Dove;

Does the yellow rose of Texas really beat the belles of Tennessee?

Lonesome Bulldog.

.

Dear LB,

Yes, Texas women are not only the prettiest but also are known to fist fight.

[Strike For The South]

Dear Texan,

How long until you guys secede?

Dear Commie,

When we get around to it

[Strike For The South]

Dear Texan,

Is it true, if your gonna play in Texas you gotta have a fiddle in the band?

Sincerely, Fiddler of Diddles

Dear FOD,

Yes you must, The Stones learned the hard way.

[Koga No Goshi]

Dear Texan,

Is Free Bird allowed to be played in Texas?


LWBL

[Strike For The South]

Dear Texan,

Is Free Bird allowed to be played in Texas?


LWBL

Dear thick in the head,

YES ITS THE ANTHEM.

[Husar]

Dear Texan,

I watched no Country for old men in english texan and I missed a whole lot of the conversations because I was unable to understand your great mumbling accent. How can I achieve a greater form of being and the ability to understand you guys?

Sincerely,

a German

[Strike For The South]

Dear Texan,

I watched no Country for old men in english texan and I missed a whole lot of the conversations because I was unable to understand your great mumbling accent. How can I achieve a greater form of being and the ability to understand you guys?

Sincerely,

a German

Dear German,

Turn it up....LOUD. There is allot of good Texaisms in that movies

[Csargo]

Estimado Texan,

¿Puede usted entender lo que estoy diciendo? Soy un Texan también, y usted necesita parar el copiar de la otra gente.

Sinceramente,
Ese individuo

[Strike For The South]

Estimado Texan,

¿Puede usted entender lo que estoy diciendo? Soy un Texan también, y usted necesita parar el copiar de la otra gente.

Sinceramente,
Ese individuo

Dear Ichigo,

Yes I can understand you and I know you're a Texan and you should know by now I merely ride coattails on this forum

[Koga No Goshi]

Estimado Texan,

¿Puede usted entender lo que estoy diciendo? Soy un Texan también, y usted necesita parar el copiar de la otra gente.

Sinceramente,
Ese individuo

Pienso que Strike puede entenderte. Espero que..... yo no se.

[Strike For The South]

Google translation needs to stop gentleman.

[Csargo]

Dear Ichigo,

Yes I can understand you and I know you're a Texan and you should know by now I merely ride coattails on this forum

I figured you could. Just havin a little fun. :beam:

[Strike For The South]

I figured you could. Just havin a little fun. :beam:

Me? Fun? HARUMPH! :laugh4:

[Reverend Joe]

Google translation needs to stop gentleman.

:2thumbsup:

[KarlXII]

Dear Texan,

ManBearPig- Great threat or greatest threat?

From,

Alfred Violence

[Koga No Goshi]

Google translation needs to stop gentleman.

Don't make us bust out in Swahili on you. ;)

[Csargo]

Dear Texan,

ManBearPig- Great threat or greatest threat?

From,

Alfred Violence

Dear Alfred Violence,

Greatest threat.

[Papewaio]

Dear Texan,

When is Texas going to become a state of Australia? We need another small state and Texas would make good pasture for a couple of smallish farms.

Regards,
A West Islander

[CountArach]

Dear Texan,

When is Texas going to become a state of Australia? We need another small state and Texas would make good pasture for a couple of smallish farms.

Regards,
A West Islander
:laugh4:

[Strike For The South]

Dear Texan,

When is Texas going to become a state of Australia? We need another small state and Texas would make good pasture for a couple of smallish farms.

Regards,
A West Islander

Dear WI

Never! Where Alaskans fail to become Texans in the physical sense Australians fail in the mental sense. This is most evidenced by your beer your food and the fact not every Australian child has a kola bear as a personal companion throughout life. Texans would be all over that.

[El Diablo]

Mr Texan Sir,

Is it true that Man v Wild Season 3 has been cancelled due to Bear Grylls not surviving 20 min in Houston?

Apparently he could not stomach the Chili and starved.

Regards.
Peon From New Zealand.

[Strike For The South]

Mr Texan Sir,

Is it true that Man v Wild Season 3 has been cancelled due to Bear Grylls not surviving 20 min in Houston?

Apparently he could not stomach the Chili and starved.

Regards.
Peon From New Zealand.

Dear PFNZ,

This is true.

[El Diablo]

Wow.
Thanks for clearing this up Mr Texan, sir.

[Papewaio]

Dear WI

Never! Where Alaskans fail to become Texans in the physical sense Australians fail in the mental sense. This is most evidenced by your beer your food and the fact not every Australian child has a kola bear as a personal companion throughout life. Texans would be all over that.

Ah very true, we export the rubbish like Fosters and don't drink much beer (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_beer_consumption_per_capita) anymore.

The food is too bland here, just can't get good India, Mexican or Shanghai cuisine of a spicy nature.

And Koala's are just to deadly when they grow up to become drop bears.

[Hosakawa Tito]

Dear Texan,
Is it true you were the 2nd gunman on the grassy knoll?

[Samurai Waki]

Dear Texan,

Why do fat women wear tight clothes, and why do thin women refuse to take off their clothes?

Sincerely,
A People Watcher.

[Csargo]

https://img522.imageshack.us/img522/8575/1224732503916fd2.jpg

[Strike For The South]

Dear Texan,
Is it true you were the 2nd gunman on the grassy knoll?

I would have never taken a shot at JFK. He was to close to Texans!


Dear Texan,

Why do fat women wear tight clothes, and why do thin women refuse to take off their clothes?

Sincerely,
A People Watcher.

Well sir what do you consider fat? I myself like some curves.
https://img233.imageshack.us/img233/7920/demotivationalposterscugu8.th.jpg (https://img233.imageshack.us/my.php?image=demotivationalposterscugu8.jpg)https://img233.imageshack.us/images/thpix.gif (http://g.imageshack.us/thpix.php)

Just fall back on the old adage. Women are evil that answers most of my questions.

[Yoyoma1910]

Dear Texan,

When I was a young boy my mother took us to the A&P, there we encountered a man who almost ingested "quiche." However, just before taking a bite of thefree sample he had lifted up, the gentleman questioned the server as towards the food's identity. Upon being told that it was, indeed, a "quiche", he returned it back on the table, and informed the woman,


"Ma'am, I'm from _Somewhere_ Texas, and in _Somewhere_ Texas real men do not let 'Quiche' touch their lips."


Is this true? And what does "quiche" actually taste like? It sounds like a fancy baked omelet to me, personally.


Signed,
Your Swampland Neighbor

[Samurai Waki]

Well sir what do you consider fat? I myself like some curves.
https://img233.imageshack.us/img233/7920/demotivationalposterscugu8.th.jpg (https://img233.imageshack.us/my.php?image=demotivationalposterscugu8.jpg)https://img233.imageshack.us/images/thpix.gif (http://g.imageshack.us/thpix.php)

Just fall back on the old adage. Women are evil that answers most of my questions.

Dear Texan,

Of Course all real men like some curves in women, I was actually implying the women who weigh 180 lbs or more.

[Strike For The South]

Dear Texan,

When I was a young boy my mother took us to the A&P, there we encountered a man who almost ingested "quiche." However, just before taking a bite of thefree sample he had lifted up, the gentleman questioned the server as towards the food's identity. Upon being told that it was, indeed, a "quiche", he returned it back on the table, and informed the woman,


"Ma'am, I'm from _Somewhere_ Texas, and in _Somewhere_ Texas real men do not let 'Quiche' touch their lips."


Is this true? And what does "quiche" actually taste like? It sounds like a fancy baked omelet to me, personally.


Signed,
Your Swampland Neighbor

Dear Cajun,

Quiche is French and as we all know the French (who are girls) and then Texans (who are men) have a long standing feud over who is the best. So I am glad this man did not succumb to there horrid mind control. Hopefully he procreated with some of your cajun women as to dilute the French blood on this side of the pond.

[Strike For The South]

Dear Texan,

Of Course all real men like some curves in women, I was actually implying the women who weigh 180 lbs or more.

Dear W,

Women are evil.

[Koga No Goshi]

Dear Texan,

Does merely interacting with Your August Presence through the internet automatically qualify me for sex with pretty much anyone I want for a period of no less than three years?

LWBL

[Strike For The South]

Dear Texan,

Does merely interacting with Your August Presence through the internet automatically qualify me for sex with pretty much anyone I want for a period of no less than three years?

LWBL

Dear LWBL,

Usually but I dont know, You're pretty ugly