Two cows; a look at economic theories.

[InsaneApache]

Finally - a clear explanation about economic systems.
Economic Models explained with Cows - 2008 update

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away...

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy....

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate
.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows. You sell them and buy seven sheep.
The one in the middle looks rather attractive

:laugh4:

[Fragony]

A SICILIAN CORPORATION
You have 2 cows.
It would be a shame if something happened to them.

[edyzmedieval]

I'm showing this to my economics teacher tomorrow morning! :laugh4:

[Hosakawa Tito]

I remember this from a while back, but I do enjoy the 2008 update. I'm still partial to the Italian business model.:2thumbsup:

[atheotes]

:laugh4: LOL

[Hooahguy]

best thing ive read yet today!

[seireikhaan]

:laugh4:


:2thumbsup:

[Koga No Goshi]

FRAGONACRACY

You have two cows
They were imported from the Middle East and thus probably have explosive, terrorist milk.
You sell the cows to Al Gore and hope they explode.


PANZEROCRACY

You have two cows
One of them accidentally steps on your foot while grazing
the human-on-cow versus cow-on-human murder rate is revised and concluded as equal.


COUNT ARACHOCRACY

You have two cows
You start studying polls of other countries' cows
You can't even remember how many cows are in your own country.


SWEDISH FISHOCRACY

You have two cows
you picket because the two cows should be able to get married, without bulls
You are deported as a Swedish liberal dissident subverting California, along with your gay cows.


LEMUROCRACY

You have two cows
You ignore the cows because you're busy posting random links
the cows die of neglect, and Don Corleone accuses you of having no value of the sanctity of life.


DON CORLEONACRACY

You have two cows
You INSIST you will be taxed as if you have 193,856 cows
you panic and sell your house at 20% of its value, eat the cows, and flee to Aruba.


DEVASTATIN DAVOCRACY

You have no cows
you live under a bridge
you eat cows that walk across the bridge.


TUFFSTUFFOCRACY

You have two cows
one is pregnant, but will die because the calf is stillborn and lodged in the birthing canal
You tell everyone that in about 12 hours we'll have both filet mignon AND veal for dinner, to celebrate the ban on cow abortions.


KOGACROACY

You have two cows
You start a lobby for the equal treatment of all cows
cattle ranchers nationwide put together a pool and hire a hitman and have you assasinated.


CR-OCRACY

You don't really care about cows, but
you insist that Nancy Pelosi's cows are the anti-christ.
You get shot by police while trying to set fire to Nancy Pelosi's ranch.

JOKING :D Trying to lighten the post-election moods.

[Hooahguy]

:laugh4::laugh4::laugh4::laugh4::laugh4:
on a more serious note, none for me?

[CrossLOPER]

:laugh4::laugh4::laugh4::laugh4::laugh4:
on a more serious note, none for me?
WE. HAVE. BEEN. BETRAYED. ~:angry:

[Hooahguy]

BY. THE. HEAD> BOOSTER. OF. THE WORLD!!!!!!
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
/world domination mode

:laugh4:

[Koga No Goshi]

:laugh4::laugh4::laugh4::laugh4::laugh4:
on a more serious note, none for me?

Lemme think one up

HOOAOCRACY

You have two cows
You read a stat that 5 million children in America are malnourished, and 7 children in Israel are.
You fedex the cows to Israel.

[Hooahguy]

YAY!
thats right koga! HELZ YA! :smg:

[CountArach]

:laugh4:

Nice one Koga!

[CrossLOPER]

Koga, you're good at this. Do that with me.

[CountArach]

Here's one:

KUSH/ICEOCRACY

You have two cows
Woooooaaaaahhhhhhhh

[seireikhaan]

CA- :laugh4::laugh4::laugh4:


I'll do myself-

'Khaanocracy: Your parents are poor, so you borrow two cows from the government. You hope that in 8 years, you'll have made enough cash to pay off the loan.

[CrossLOPER]

CrossLOPERacy : You see everyone has two cows. You go out and get three Alpacas. You now have a new hobby.

[Strike For The South]

Why is no one killing the cows and making steaks and BBQ?

[LittleGrizzly]

Why is no one killing the cows and making steaks and BBQ?

Texas economics!

Free Market Economics

You have 2 cows
you sell small shares of the cows to several hundred people
you tell everyone the cows are increasing in value
peoples individual share prices in the cows go up
everyone starts trying to buy into the cows
the cows are worth millions
experienced cow buyers start selling up
peoples individual share prices in the cows go down
everyones cow shares are worthless
you have 2 cows....

[Don Corleone]

AIG-OCRACY

You have 2 cows. You leverage these 2 cows into 387 cows under derivative bovine invesment vehicles and bribe Moody's to give them AA rating. Somebody asks for 3 cows worth of investment and you threaten bankruptcy. You get the government to reimburse you on the loss of 47 cows. You then blow the money on a golf outing and wonder why nobody will buy the derivatives on the other 347 cows.

[InsaneApache]

New Labour economics.

You have two cows.
You photograph, hoofprint, iris scan, monitor them on CCTV and compulsory issue them ID cards.
You lock them up for 90 days without charge.
You store all their data on a memory stick.
And lose them.
Total cost, £500 billion.

[CountArach]

New Labour economics.

You have two cows.
You photograph, hoofprint, iris scan, monitor them on CCTV and compulsory issue them ID cards.
You lock them up for 90 days without charge.
You store all their data on a memory stick.
And lose them.
Total cost, £500 billion.
:laugh4:

[KarlXII]

Mafiacrosy:

You have two cows.
You lynch one.
The other cow gets hit.
Vote: Ichi

[Evil_Maniac From Mars]

CrossLOPERacy : You see everyone has two cows. You go out and get three Alpacas. You now have a new hobby.

~:shock:

[JAG]

New Labour economics.

You have two cows.
You photograph, hoofprint, iris scan, monitor them on CCTV and compulsory issue them ID cards.
You lock them up for 90 days without charge.
You store all their data on a memory stick.
And lose them.
Total cost, £500 billion.

lol, that really made me laugh! :2thumbsup:

[Gregoshi]

:2thumbsup: Impressive work on the personal ones, but so far no one has had a cow... :laugh4:

[Mikeus Caesar]

Real Australian Economics

You have two cows
You think they're important and the centre of the world
George Bush doesn't know about your cows

[CountArach]

Real Australian Economics

You have two cows
You think they're important and the centre of the world
George Bush doesn't know about your cows
So true :bow:

GREGOSHOCRACY

You had two cows.
You recognise the innuendo in line 1.
You laugh.

[AlexanderSextus]

Hey, wheres my -ocracy???

[Martok]

:2thumbsup: Impressive work on the personal ones, but so far no one has had a cow... :laugh4:

Oy vey. Should've seen that one coming. ~:rolleyes:

[naut]

STALINISM
You have two cows.
The government takes both and lets you starve.

SINGAPORE DEMOCRACY
You have two cows.
The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed animals in an apartment.

FEMINISM
You have two cows.
They get married and adopt a veal calf.

TOTALITARIANISM
You have two cows.
The government takes them and denies they ever existed.
Milk also is banned.

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS
You are associated with (the concept of "ownership"is a symbol of the phallo-centric, war-mongering, intolerant past) two differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.

HONG KONG CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell them because the Feng Shui is all wrong.

[spmetla]

ENVIRONMENTAL ECONOMICS:
You have two cows.
You set the poor oppressed beasts free and plant two cabbages instead.
The capitalists next door grab your ex-cows and feed them with your cabbages and then sell at a profit.

CANADIAN ECONOMICS:
You have two cows.
Your neighbour comes over and says, "Aye, you have two cows."
You say, "Ya know, I do."
Then you offer him a beer and talk about the weather or hockey.

PURE ANARCHY ECONOMICS:
You have two cows.
Either you sell the milk at a fair price or the neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.

[Koga No Goshi]

Koga, you're good at this. Do that with me.

Hmmm Cross I have to apologize we haven't crossed swords too often in political threads, so I can't think of a super witty one that sums up your politics but I'll give one anyhow.


LOPEROCRACY
You have two cows
The cows look at CrossLoper's scary avatar and flee the pasture
Loperocracy applies for foreign aid for cattle restocking.


STRIKEOCRACY
You have two cows
You eat them both, Texas BBQ style.
You start a thread asking why you gained weight. :D

[Tribesman]

Tribocracy
You have two cows
Sell the milk quota to a muppet
and lets start talking bullocks

[Fragony]

NAVAROCRACY

You have two cows.
They just appeared must be bovine intervention.

MOUZAPHERCRACY

You have two guys. <-huh how did that happen? Of course I meant cows.
But that doesn't cheer you up oh the futility.

SER CLEGANCRACY

You have to cows.
You moo-derate them very closily.

[Koga No Goshi]

NAVAROCRACY

You have two cows.
They just appeared must be bovine intervention.

MOUZAPHERCRACY

You have two guys.
But that doesn't cheer you up oh the futility.

SER CLEGANCRACY

You have to cows.
You moo-derate them very closily.

LOL! Bovine intervention and everything in mooderation.

[Ronin]

Hey, wheres my -ocracy???

we can´t all have our own -ocracy....that would be socialism!

[CountArach]

KOGAOCRACY

You have two cows
You let them roam free as Gaia intended
You eat the one that becomes a Republican

[Banquo's Ghost]

DOT-COM-ONOMICSs:

You have tucows.

You download lots of free stuff.
You discover there's no money in this model.
You go bust.

[Idaho]

EU Agronomy:

You have two cows. You get tax money for producing more milk than you can sell.
Supermarkets buy the milk off you for less than it's worth and make a massive profit.
Tax money boosts supermarket profits!

Sorry to get real for minute on a fun thread...

[InsaneApache]

Tory economics.

You have two cows.
You take them on holiday to Corfu.
You rent them to a Russian oligarch for £50 000.
When you get home you are asked "Where are the cows".
You deny any knowledge of said cows, then admit that perhaps it wasn't wise to rent them.
Then you deny any wrongdoing.
The cows come home.
And :daisy: on your doorstep.

[Fragony]

DUTCH GOVERNMENT

You too are a cow.
You are being milked.

[Louis VI the Fat]

Portuguese economics
You receive two cows.
You spend your days writing melancholic Fado songs decrying their inevitable demise. Meanwhile the cows die of neglect.

Belgian economics
Two farmers have two cows.
They decide to equally split the two cows. After long deliberation, one farmer gets the hooves, the tails and the spots of both. The other gets the left hindlegs, 1/17th of future beef products and the right to prevent the other from making skimmed yogurt on Tuesday.

Polish economics
You have two cows like everybody else.
You insist you would've had 47 if it weren't for the Germans, 69 if it weren't for the French, 87 if it weren't for the Russians and 6483 if it weren't for the Jews.

Nigerian economics
'Dear sir, I have recently inherited two cows and need to transfer them to my business's Western pasture fields via your bank account'.

Islamic enonomics.
You have two cows. You insist they hide themselves behind veals.

Banquonomics
You have two peasants.

Jewish enocomics
You have one golden calf and one tin cow.

Gregoshonomics
You have two cows.
You udderly can't help yourself so you tell your neighbours that those moose are not coming from emu.

Tribesmanomics
Two cows?
:laugh4::laugh4::laugh4::laugh4:
Bullox. One's a bull, the other an ox.

[KukriKhan]

Underground Economics (Southern Calif. style):

You have two cows.
You 'found' them this morning at your landscaping job.
You keep them in the 2-car garage 'conversion' you live in with your 27 cousins,
while you go to your other job as short-order cook at a Chinese fast-food joint,
on your way to your other-other job in Wal-Mart's stockroom.
Your wife and her sisters feed the cows with this morning's grass-clippings and milk them,
while their children hand-make labels reading "Hole Organik Leche' ",
which they tape onto bottles they found in the recycle bins,
and will sell at the swap-meet to rich old ladies looking for a bargain.

[KukriKhan]

Portuguese economics
You receive two cows.
You spend your days writing melancholic Fado songs decrying their inevitable demise. Meanwhile the cows die of neglect.

Belgian economics
Two farmers have two cows.
They decide to equally split the two cows. After long deliberation, one farmer gets the hooves, the tails and the spots of both. The other gets the left hindlegs, 1/17th of future beef products and the right to prevent the other from making skimmed yogurt on Tuesday.

Polish economics
You have two cows like everybody else.
You insist you would've had 47 if it weren't for the Germans, 69 if it weren't for the French, 87 if it weren't for the Russians and 6483 if it weren't for the Jews.

Nigerian economics
'Dear sir, I have recently inherited two cows and need to transfer them to my business's Western pasture fields via your bank account'.

Islamic enonomics.
You have two cows. You insist they hide themselves behind veals.

Banquonomics
You have two peasants.

Jewish enocomics
You have one golden calf and one tin cow.

Gregoshonomics
You have two cows.
You udderly can't help yourself so you tell your neighbours that those moose are not coming from emu.

Tribesmanomics
Two cows?
:laugh4::laugh4::laugh4::laugh4:
Bullox. One's a bull, the other an ox.

*Ding*ding*ding*
We have a winner.

[Rhyfelwyr]

SNPocracy:

You buy two foreign cows
You tell them they are Highland cattle so long as they are in Scotland
You wait 8 years to give them a passport so they can be sold as prime Scottish beef

Also Koga can you give me my own ocracy?

[seireikhaan]

*Ding*ding*ding*
We have a winner.
Indeed. Twas some quality stuff, Louis.

[Husar]

HUSAROCRACY
you have two cows
but you're not sure
you're too lazy to count them again and go play a game

Also thanks for the other ones, most of them were great! :laugh4:

[Jolt]

HUSAROCRACY
you have two cows
but you're not sure
you're too lazy to count them again and go play a game

Nice one. :D

[Fragony]

Portuguese economics
You receive two cows.
You spend your days writing melancholic Fado songs decrying their inevitable demise. Meanwhile the cows die of neglect.

Belgian economics
Two farmers have two cows.
They decide to equally split the two cows. After long deliberation, one farmer gets the hooves, the tails and the spots of both. The other gets the left hindlegs, 1/17th of future beef products and the right to prevent the other from making skimmed yogurt on Tuesday.

Polish economics
You have two cows like everybody else.
You insist you would've had 47 if it weren't for the Germans, 69 if it weren't for the French, 87 if it weren't for the Russians and 6483 if it weren't for the Jews.

Nigerian economics
'Dear sir, I have recently inherited two cows and need to transfer them to my business's Western pasture fields via your bank account'.

Islamic enonomics.
You have two cows. You insist they hide themselves behind veals.

Banquonomics
You have two peasants.

Jewish enocomics
You have one golden calf and one tin cow.

Gregoshonomics
You have two cows.
You udderly can't help yourself so you tell your neighbours that those moose are not coming from emu.

Tribesmanomics
Two cows?
:laugh4::laugh4::laugh4::laugh4:
Bullox. One's a bull, the other an ox.

Thread over. Pure genius.

[Hax]

I dare you make one of me.

I double dare you <_<

[Ronin]

Portuguese economics
You receive two cows.
You spend your days writing melancholic Fado songs decrying their inevitable demise. Meanwhile the cows die of neglect.



good one :laugh4:

you forgot one thing though...after the cows die we write more Fado music about how much saudade we have for them. :portugal:

[atheotes]

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

:laugh4:

That is insulting and old!!!! :whip:

Modern Hindu-ocracy
You have two cows.
You worship them
When they are too old to be productive you ship them off to a slaughter house :laugh4:


:2thumbsup: Most in the thread are brilliant.....

[edyzmedieval]

EDYZOCRACY

You have two cows.
You sell one of them and get a bull. They multiply, you start bragging around about your herd, when people come to see it you charge them a viewing fee. When visitor numbers drop below a certain level, you sell the bull and the cow.
You move on to bigger business.

[Fragony]

BELGIUM CORPORATION

You have two cows.
But nobody knows except the dutch and the french and they make fun of you.

IRANIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
Right up there above you.

ESCAPISM

You had two cows.

[Sasaki Kojiro]

HENRY PAULSON ECONOMICS

You have two cows.
You let the greedy cows roam free and they eat all the crops the villagers were growing.
You ask the villagers to give you $700 billion to reseed the fields but refuse to keep the cows locked up in a pen.

[DemonArchangel]

Real Chinese Economics:

You have 2 cows.
Their milik is tainted with melamine.

[Martok]

MARTOKRACY

You have 2 camels.
You oversee another 1000 owned by Mithrandir.
You make everyone see to their feeding and cleaning.




Too easy, I know. ~D

[spmetla]

Real Hawaii Economics:
You have two cows.
It's not profitable milking or fattening the two cows.
You claim to be a vital industry and have the state govt put a minimum price on milk
You now have two cows, small profit, milk for $7 a gallon, and are still going out of business because you can't recoup earlier losses.

[Koga No Goshi]

SNPocracy:

You buy two foreign cows
You tell them they are Highland cattle so long as they are in Scotland
You wait 8 years to give them a passport so they can be sold as prime Scottish beef

Also Koga can you give me my own ocracy?

RHYFEOCRACY

You have two cows
one dies and decays, leaving behind the skeleton
you declare that dinosaurs are just misidentified cow skeletons and God created cows 6,000 years ago.

[Rhyfelwyr]

RHYFEOCRACY

You have two cows
one dies and decays, leaving behind the skeleton
you declare that dinosaurs are just misidentified cow skeletons and God created cows 6,000 years ago.

They're not just misidentified by accident. They're sent by Satan to confuse us. :clown:

[Koga No Goshi]

I'm trying to think of who I missed here... hmm

[seireikhaan]

I dare you make one of me.

I double dare you <_<
Hax-onomy:

You have two cows. You force them to watch an endless loop of Suiseiseki while they are being milked. The cows rebel, killing the milkers and you, before taking their own lives to end the pain.

[yesdachi]

I'm trying to think of who I missed here... hmm

Amnesiaticocracy

I had 2 somethings…
Or was it 3, oh well, I’ll just go feed my cows.

[ICantSpellDawg]

TUFFSTUFFOCRACY

You have two cows
one is pregnant, but will die because the calf is stillborn and lodged in the birthing canal
You tell everyone that in about 12 hours we'll have both filet mignon AND veal for dinner, to celebrate the ban on cow abortions.


Koga, I take offense. I have always supported a cows right to an abortion if it's life is in danger.:yes:

[Koga No Goshi]

Koga, I take offense. I have always supported a cows right to an abortion if it's life is in danger.:yes:

*Wiping A-1 from his mouth* Sorry, what was that?

[Csargo]

This thread is full of awesome.

[Rhyfelwyr]

Koga, I take offense. I have always supported a cows right to an abortion if it's life is in danger.:yes:

~:confused:

[Jolt]

HENRY PAULSON ECONOMICS

You have two cows.
You let the greedy cows roam free and they eat all the crops the villagers were growing.
You ask the villagers to give you $700 billion to reseed the fields but refuse to keep the cows locked up in a pen.

Best one by miles and miles and miles away. :D

[Incongruous]

Bopracy

You have 2 cows
You question their involvement in Palestine
You send them both to the ICC

[Evil_Maniac From Mars]

Polish economics
You have two cows like everybody else.
You insist you would've had 47 if it weren't for the Germans, 69 if it weren't for the French, 87 if it weren't for the Russians and 6483 if it weren't for the Jews.

Nigerian economics
'Dear sir, I have recently inherited two cows and need to transfer them to my business's Western pasture fields via your bank account'.



Completely priceless. Thread won. :laugh4:

[Gregoshi]

This has got to be the funniest thread I can recall here at the Org. I agree that Louis' post rules this thread, but really, nice job by all. :bow: My funny bone is gettin' a good workout. :2thumbsup:

[HoreTore]

*Wiping A-1 from his mouth* Sorry, what was that?

A-1? You listen to crappy teen bybands?

Or wait.... "wiping from mouth".... I'm not sure I want to follow up on that one...



*tries to erase memory by imagining the silicone boob chick without her top on*

[Hosakawa Tito]

A-1? You listen to crappy teen bybands?

Or wait.... "wiping from mouth".... I'm not sure I want to follow up on that one...



*tries to erase memory by imagining the silicone boob chick without her top on*

Helping a brother out.
https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v517/hoppy84/a1.gif



This has got to be the funniest thread I can recall here at the Org. I agree that Louis' post rules this thread, but really, nice job by all. :bow: My funny bone is gettin' a good workout. :2thumbsup:

I agree. I've been laughing my :daisy: off.

Louis's post is great, but the one that had me laughing so hard my evening tea was shooting out my nostrils.

DEVASTATIN DAVOCRACY

You have no cows
you live under a bridge
you eat cows that walk across the bridge.
laugh dave, you gotta admit that's a good zinger

[Oleander Ardens]

Brilliant thread :smash:

[Hooahguy]

JIHAD-OCRACY:
you have two cows.
you strap bombs to them.

[Marshal Murat]

1860 Americ-ocracy
You have two cows,
The cows complain they don't have any rights and leave,
You take your milker machines and reconquer the cows, bringing them back into the farm.
A hundred and forty years later, the cows sell memorabilia of the conflict.

Standardized-Test-cracy
You own two cows,
The other farmers decide you need to take a test of basic skills to ensure you know how to run the farm,
You fail the test, despite having milked cows all your life, and are forced to dig ditches.

[KarlXII]

Nazism

You have two undesired cows.
You gas them.

I'll get my coat and my ban. :sweatdrop:

[Gaius Scribonius Curio]

Standardized-Test-cracy
You own two cows,
The other farmers decide you need to take a test of basic skills to ensure you know how to run the farm,
You fail the test, despite having milked cows all your life, and are forced to dig ditches.

:laugh4:


Polish economics
You have two cows like everybody else.
You insist you would've had 47 if it weren't for the Germans, 69 if it weren't for the French, 87 if it weren't for the Russians and 6483 if it weren't for the Jews.

:laugh4:


I'm trying to think of who I missed here... hmm

Me!!!

Seriously, awesome thread...

[InsaneApache]

EU economics.

You have two cows.

The auditors insist you have 100 cows.

The EU pays you a subsidy for the 100 cows of 10 billion per annum.

You sell the two cows and keep the money and subsidy, you get a job in the EU as a commisioner.

Then you get made a knight of the realm by your party leader and a job for life in the house of Lords and a pay rise.

Sorted.

[Crazed Rabbit]

French Economics:
You have two cows
You see your neighbor is getting up earlier to get more milk out of his cows.
You get your government to outlaw hard work

University Economics
You have two cows
You hire 100 people to manage them
You have to sell the cows to pay your employees


And Koga, while I'm flattered you thought of me, but surely in any synopsis of me, I should be the one doing the shooting?

CR

[KarlXII]

French Economics:

You have two cows
Your German neighbour also has two cows
You surrender

[drone]

Cows in a two party system:

You have two cows, one red and one blue. They roam the countryside for many months, and until finally a decision is made and one of them is slaughtered. Unfortunately, the meat is found to be inedible, and due to their travels the country is covered in :daisy:

[CountArach]

French Economics:

You have two cows
Your German neighbour also has two cows
You surrender
Real French Economics:

You have two cows.
They unionise and riot against their working conditions.
You surrender.

[Banquo's Ghost]

IRISH ECONOMICS

You have two cows.
Jaysus, woman, I'll milk 'em in the mornin'!
Now, father, 'tis my round.
The French are payin'.

[Banquo's Ghost]

Please be careful that this otherwise gently humorous thread does not descend into racist stereotyping.

There's a fine line between funny and offensive.

Thank you kindly.

:bow:

[Fragony]

POLITICAL REALISM

You have two cows.
You notice that your neighbour has 3 cows. You buy another cow. The next day you notice your neighbour has 4 cows. You buy 2 additional cows, with horns, to get the upper hand. You end up in a cow-race.

[Banquo's Ghost]

POLITICAL REALISM

You have two cows.
You notice that your neighbour has 3 cows. You buy another cow. The next day you notice your neighbour has 4 cows. You buy 2 additional cows, with horns, to get the upper hand. You end up in a cow-race.

Surely that just ends up in a MAD cow stand-off. :inquisitive:

[Gregoshi]

Surely that just ends up in a MAD cow stand-off. :inquisitive:
:laugh4: :2thumbsup:

Now I have visions of a cow strapped to a 'CUD missile...

[Fragony]

Surely that just ends up in a MAD cow stand-off. :inquisitive:

Dangit what an missed oppertunity!

[Banquo's Ghost]

Dangit what an missed oppertunity!

The real missed opportunity is to gain such an advantage over your neighbour that he is cowed into submission.

[Fragony]

Ok you had your fun no need to milk it out. MAD pfffffffffft that is neo realism.
:shame:

[GeneralHankerchief]

BARTIXOCRACY

You have two cows.
tell what milk and the faction that replaces cud got then??
:furious3: :furious3: :furious3: :furious3: :furious3: :furious3: :furious3:
:furious3: :furious3: :furious3: :furious3: :furious3: :furious3: :furious3:
:help: :help: :help: :help: :help: :help: :help: :help: :help: :help:

[Louis VI the Fat]

Irish economics

You have two cows.
One falls down a hole and gets stuck. You run to the vet in a panic. He says there's nothing you can do to save it anymore, and it's best to just shoot it there.
You shoot the poor cow in the hole and go home.



French economics

You have two cows.
You strap them in too loose. They escape and end up on a menu à l'écart, with hot sauts to go over all that beef.


Hehe. ~;)


Wordplays are not funny when explained. However:
Read it in English, and it says: You strapped the cows too loosely. They end up on a menu à la carte, served with hot sauce.
A play on the culinary stereotype that the French eat anything that moves, including escaped cows.

Read it 'in French', and it says: You strapped them in Toulouse. (City in the Southwest). The cows are used for écarts (uhh...'evasive movements'?) and sauts ('jumps') over them. Two bull-leaping terms.
A wordplay on the cultural stereotype about the southwest. Bull leaping is a traditional sport in the Southwest. Course Landaise (http://fr.youtube.com/watch?v=rh29WaNwIfA).

Y'all work it out. :smash:



~+~+~+~<<<((^))>>>~+~+~+~


Also, better to be safe then sorry: where I mentioned a golden calf for Jewish economics earlier, I wasn't referring to a Jewish stereotype, but to the Biblical golden calf (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Golden_calf) of the ancient Israelites. :sweatdrop:

lol@bartix and the puns.

[shlin28]

Binary Economics:

You have 10 cows.

[Sasaki Kojiro]

BARTIXOCRACY


:laugh4:

[edyzmedieval]

Binary Economics:

You have 10 cows.

Pure genius! :laugh4::laugh4::laugh4:

[Prince Cobra]

Stephenocracy

You have two cows.
You hire a bull for the night(!). Now you have two pregnant cows and twice as much as if you're foolish to trade a cow for a bull...:pleased:

Just showing off!

Real Socialism:

The State takes your cows and promises you some milk

[edyzmedieval]

NORTH KOREAN ECONOMICS

You have two cows.
The State takes them both and gives you pictures of the Dear Leader instead.

[Banquo's Ghost]

DYSLEXIC CHINESE IMPERIAL ECONOMICS

You have cow-tow.
You have cow-tow.
You have cow-tow.

[Kralizec]

ICELANDIC ECONOMICS
At the moment, you have two cows. Municipalities across Europe entrust you with immense herds of cows to produce dairy products for them. You forget that your island is just a small piece of rock in the ocean and the cows starve to death. Because you're short on liquid assets you ask the Russians if they "got milk".

[atheotes]

BARTIXOCRACY

You have two cows.
tell what milk and the faction that replaces cud got then??
:furious3: :furious3: :furious3: :furious3: :furious3: :furious3: :furious3:
:furious3: :furious3: :furious3: :furious3: :furious3: :furious3: :furious3:
:help: :help: :help: :help: :help: :help: :help: :help: :help: :help:

:laugh4::2thumbsup: I read the thread again :yes:

[KarlXII]

GREEK ECONOMICS:

You have two cows
You argue your neighbour claims the name of their cow ancestor
Your neighbour changes his name to "The Former Farm of Cow Production"
You start arguing with Turkeys.

[Jolt]

TURKISH ECONOMICS AS SEEN BY ENGLISH SPEAKERS:

You have two cows.
The government comes in and replaces them by two turkies.


...Applause? >_>

[Hax]

*applause*

[Mangudai]

Tennessee Economics:
You have two cows
You wish you had the corn to feed 'em on
And a pretty little girl to feed 'em when you're gone.

Californian Economics:
You have two cows
You are concerned about methane pollution and climate change.
You legislate anti-pollution machinery be installed on the posterior of every cow.

Michigan Economics:
You have two cows.
The milk from those two cows has to pay for feed and vet bills for six other cows.

Texas Economics:
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has two thousand cows.
You buy a big hat.

Wyoming Economics:
You have two cows.
You go looking for them once a year or so.

Colorado Economics:
You have two cows.
They are worth about $3000 combined.
You buy a couple horses and lots of cowboy gear for $30,000 so you can drive cattle.

Missouri Economics:
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks a lot like your wife.

Nevada Economics:
You have two cows.
You lease 20,000 acres to graze them on.

New Jersey Economics:
You have two cows.
You can't afford the land to keep them on.
You start a petting zoo to make money off all the kids who have never seen a real live cow.

[Mangudai]

Wisconsin Economics:
You have two cows.
You start your own cheese factory and outlet store.

Minnesota Economics:
You have two cows.
They are buried by snow drifts and you can't find them.
You start a shop that sells dishes and knick-knacks engraved with Swedish jokes.
You are wildly successful and your neighbors love you.

Kentucky Economics:
You have two cows.
You take your friends out cow tipping.
Your cows get upset and run off to the city where they get tattoos, nose rings, and addicted to drugs.

Iowa Economics:
You have two cows.
They get their picture taken with the president.
You get a huge subsidy from Washington.

Illinois Economics:
You have two cows.
You plow your pasture under and plant hay instead.
You sell the cows out west somewhere and make a living selling hay out west too.

Indiana Economics:
You have two cows.
You dress like a cowboy and tell everyone you are from Kentucky.
You have a Bush Cheney '04 bumper sticker on your 2005 truck.
You constantly look up, in case there are black helicopters coming.

Ohio Economics:
You have two cows.
You want to cut out the middle man.
You drive around in your car with a trunk full of frozen beef trying to sell people steaks for twice what they are worth.

Kansas Economics:
You have two cows.
They blow away in a tornado.
You go to tell your neighbors only to discover that your town has been abandoned for ten years.

Nebraska Economics:
You have two cows.
You paint them with University of Nebraska logos and they get their picture in the paper.

[Sasaki Kojiro]

Good stuff mangudai...love the texas one.

[spmetla]

Dennis Leary-nomics
You have two cows
One is a guru he pisses in your eye
He gets the other cow to tip over your tractor and torch your feed
You now have no cows, your chickens are missing, and your farm is covered in cow pies and deep too

[KarlXII]

Chuck Norrinomics

You have two cows
You roundhouse kick them

[spmetla]

correctly spelled Chuck Norrisnomics:
You have two cows
You give them a mean stare
You now have two pregnant cows that give off ice cream instead of milk

[Martok]

Minnesota Economics:
You have two cows.
They are buried by snow drifts and you can't find them.
You start a shop that sells dishes and knick-knacks engraved with Swedish Norwegian jokes.
You are wildly successful and your neighbors love you.


Fixed. ~D

[KarlXII]

Fixed. ~D

:inquisitive:

[Caius]

Argentinian Government:
You had two cows. You sell them and start to produce soy. Then the gov penalizes you because you sold them.

(II)

You have two cows. Some friend of the government asks you to give them those two cows. You had two cows.

(III)

You have two cows. But you have to pay taxes! You had two cows.

(IV)

What? Do you still have two cows? But we are distributing our wealth and you get all the wealth!. You had two cows.

Bailout Economics:
You owe two cows to the neighbourhood. Your neighbourhood owes two cows to the other city. The other city owes two cows to other 6 cities. You are in bankrupt now, so are the neighbourhood and the seven cities. Then, the State buys the debt of two cows. Somehow, you are still owing two cows to your neighbourhood, then you leave the farm and you can't give a damn (because you don't have a damn!), because the government has paid the debt for you. Then the debt is of the State, and you blame the president. But people, your farm is becomming communist, so...
THE PRESIDENT BLAMES YOU!

[AlexanderSextus]

New Jersey Economics:
You have two cows.
You can't afford the land to keep them on.
You start a petting zoo to make money off all the kids who have never seen a real live cow.



ON POINT :yes:

[Mangudai]

Alaska Economics:
You have two cows.
A bear eats them.
You hunt down the bear and eat it.
It's the best tasting bear meat you've ever had, what a deal!

North Dakota Economics:
You have two cows.
You only have 11 rifles.
You trade the cows for another rifle.

Arizona Economics:
You have two cows.
You phase out drug mules and make a fortune on drug cows.

Oklahoma Economics:
You have two cows.
You modify your truck to run on cow farts.
You wonder what would happen if you fed your cows baked beans.
You become a natural gas tycoon.

Utah Economics:
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has two wives.
You found a cow cult and increase your number of wives.

Idaho Economics:
You have two cows.
You start a dude ranch for Hollywood celebrities.

New Mexico Economics:
You have two cows.
You feed them chili peppers and peyote.
You sell the beef for a fortune.

New York Economics:
You have two cows.
You raise them on 100% organic grass.
You find some hippies to look after them for free.
You find a restaurant in the city that pays extra for organic milk.
You spend your time in the Bahamas trading cattle futures.

Virginia Economics:
You have two cows.
Your family has raised cows on this land since 1657 and you have documentation to prove it.
With the Blessings of Providence your descendants shall continue this tradition forever.