Shortest AAR ever. [Archive]

desert

11-14-2008, 00:41

According to my calculations, after the healing it would probably be more like 25000:1000 kill-to-death ratio, but your method is also valid.

PS: I just got the image of a lone Thorakites singing "dun, duh-duh-dun, duh-duh-dun, duh-duh, duh-dun!" as he shield-bashes and stabs the Celts around him. :laugh4:

Tyrfingr

11-14-2008, 00:45

Ha, that's nothing! Remember that 300 spartans stood up against half a million persians!!!!

Olaf Blackeyes

11-14-2008, 00:51

Ha, that's nothing! Remember that 300 spartans stood up against half a million persians!!!!

ok that was in a mountain pass, urs was on a grassy plain BIG diiference
BTW QFT with the ipods

Intranetusa

11-14-2008, 01:00

ok that was in a mountain pass, urs was on a grassy plain BIG diiference
BTW QFT with the ipods

And don't forget it was actually 300 Spartans + 300 Thebans + 700 Thespians + 4000 other Greeks against a Persian army of no more than 250,000 composed mostly of poorly trained militia archers.

Maion Maroneios

11-14-2008, 01:43

Nay, that was one million Persians!:laugh4:

Maion

The Persian Cataphract

11-14-2008, 02:33

*sound of a buckshot most likely splattering a brain*

Aemilius Paulus

11-14-2008, 02:47

*sound of a buckshot most likely splattering a brain*

Same here. Down with 300! It should be banned at the EB forums!!

Maion Maroneios

11-14-2008, 03:00

I know, along with LS and Alexander too :-P

Maion

desert

11-14-2008, 03:05

Yeah! Let's round up 451 copies of 300 and burn them all!

Just kidding, btw.

A Terribly Harmful Name

11-14-2008, 03:06

Wait, I bet you can't resist the sight of 300 Thorakitai Agematos Basilikon wearing LS, fighting and triumphing for king Alexander against billions of Persians in the grassy flatland! Long live the immortal demigods of Sparta!

:P

Edit: Oh and they also ride burning pigs during battle.

desert

11-14-2008, 03:11

Wait, I bet you can't resist the sight of 300 Thorakitai Agematos Basilikon wearing LS, fighting and triumphing for king Alexander against billions of Persians in the grassy flatland! Long live the immortal demigods of Sparta!

They all stand in a line, press the bottoms of their palms together, pull their shoulders back, and start chanting, "Ka...me...ha...me..." :smash:

Aemilius Paulus

11-14-2008, 03:17

I know, along with LS and Alexander too :-P

Maion

Well, LS did exist, exist, you know. Just *pretends to be a snotty EB historian* "outside of the EB timeframe". Seriously, I don't see why so many people here make such a big deal of it. I mean, to me, it looks "cooler" than the standard, everyday and mundane Lorica Hamata. Perhaps it is because so many noobs come to these forums to ask about and because the Roman soldiers are always portrayed wearing it in popular media, whereas it was only in the middle days of Empire when the Romans used it.

Alexander was a pretty bad, but its depiction of the soldiers and warfare of that time in general was actually the most accurate (save for that scene where arrows slaughtered the phalanx) that I have ever seen and probably will see in my life from a Hollywood movie.

300, on the other hand was so inaccurate that the only thing that the producers got right was that at the Battle of Thermopylae Spartans and Persians were present. However, it is worth mentioning even the forces present at the battle, as depicted by the recent movie, were inaccurate. The stand of 300 Spartans was just the final part of the battle and that numerous Greek polises (plural spelling?) were present in the main battle as well. Not to mention that the Thespians stood along with the Spartans during the last stand. I found the negative to extreme portrayal of the Persians distasteful as well. The Persians actually had better reasons for starting the war, as it was the Greeks who aided the rebelling Ionian colonies in Asia Minor prior to the Greko-Persian wars.:laugh4:

Aemilius Paulus

11-14-2008, 03:27

Yeah! Let's round up 451 copies of 300 and burn them all!

Just kidding, btw.
Why 451? Just random number?

Oh and they also ride burning pigs during battle.
Hey! That is actually historically accurate! Sure, they weren't used very often, but they were still used!

Much better than Arcani and the pre-Ptolemaic Egyptians anyway. Oh and by the way, Screeching Women are actually pretty accurate. The Germanic tribes were always followed by their women. The women would be right behind them, encouraging them and when the warriors routed, the women would taunt them, usually stopping the rout.

A Terribly Harmful Name

11-14-2008, 03:32

I wonder how would the unit card of TAB riding burning pigs, wearing LS and screaming Spartaaa would look like. Maybe someone could try doing it.

desert

11-14-2008, 03:35

AP - Hint: *coughRayBradburycough*

And I'm pretty sure German women couldn't massacre legionaries with giant axes.

Maion Maroneios

11-14-2008, 03:45

Well, actually 300 wasn't based on the historical event, rather than a comic which in turn was inspired by it. Let us not forget that, folks. Not backing their idiocy in portraying the Persians as they did and such, just stating the facts.

Maion

Aemilius Paulus

11-14-2008, 04:16

AP - Hint: *coughRayBradburycough*

And I'm pretty sure German women couldn't massacre legionaries with giant axes.

What do you mean by Ray Bradbury?

Also, am not really sure if they actually fought in battles, although isolated cases are very likely, given the ferocity of the Germanic tribes. It may also be possible that the women pursued fleeing enemies, however that is just my guess. I seriously doubt the women actually did that. Still, the morale-raising chanting/singing/screeching/cheerleading special ability that the Screeching Women had in RTW was very much accurate.

@ Maion Maroneios: Well, then both the comics and the movie is INACCURATE! THIS IS EB FORUM!!! *kicks the movie and the comics 300 into a deep, dark well*!

Sorry, couldn't help but using the 300 catchphrase against itself.

desert

11-14-2008, 04:21

Too many syllables, man. THIS IS EB would probably be fine.

And have you ever heard of Fahrenheit 451?

Aemilius Paulus

11-14-2008, 05:53

Too many syllables, man. THIS IS EB would probably be fine.

And have you ever heard of Fahrenheit 451?

1: You say "EB FORUM" very fast to compensate for the extra syllables.

2: Ooohhh, III geeett iiittt! I must be really slow:shame:! Yes, I have read both Fahrenheit 451 and The Martian Chronicles in addition to a collection of his short stories. I am a sci-fi/historical fiction fan myself. Along with Jules Verne (my favorite!) and Isaac Asimov, he is a must-read classic. BTW, what's your favorite author?

Maion Maroneios

11-14-2008, 11:19

According to my calculations, after the healing it would probably be more like 25000:1000 kill-to-death ratio, but your method is also valid.
Well, your calculations where wrong. We call it the "simple method of three" here in Greece:
1 unit of Thorakites killed -----> 20 units of Celts
1000 units of Thorakites will kill ------> x Celts
Then you get: 1*x=20*1000<=>x=20.000 units of Celts
Unless of course you meant real numbers, which would mean that I'm here doing unneeded math:smash:

Maion

Tyrfingr

11-14-2008, 11:40

Just to make sure, you all know what I was only joking about the 300 spartans right?

Hax

11-14-2008, 11:48

Yeah, we do. Still, 300 is something of..well..erm...

Gah.

Celtic_Punk

11-14-2008, 11:55

You know waht, you guys are waaay too hard on that movie. Its pretty bad ass, you get to see spartans kick ass. Which is not very often in movies. Yes it was PISS POOR in terms of historical accuracy, and if any of you remember, I walked out on troy (and grilled the guy who sold me the ticket so hard he gave me my 8 bucks back, which has never happened before or since) but honestly, it was not meant to be historically accurate... I mean c'mon, look at the freaking snitch for god sake! he was some sort of monster. It was quite metaphorical. There is something in this world called poetic license, granted they went pretty far with said license but they kept close to the general story(hell they even admitted it wasn't only 300 Spartan), and made a story that even Leonidas might have been proud of.

tell me you didnt walk out of that theatre and had the urge to slay some persians...

nice killing ratio btw

Tyrfingr

11-14-2008, 12:28

Yeah, we do. Still, 300 is something of..well..erm...

the most awesome movie EVAR? ;)

Aemilius Paulus

11-14-2008, 13:26

My problem with 300 was not so much its historical inaccuracy: I mean, when was a Hollywood movie supposed to accurate, especially one that was based on comics, not the actual event. My main problem with it is that it features nothing but endless swordfights, blood and gore. There is really no real plot, no real dialogue or anything after the first 20 minutes of the movie. It is the epitome of empty American movie. Watch another ten of those movies and you'll turn into a mindless, violent zombie.

Gleemonex

11-14-2008, 16:10

Oh, it's nice to cut loose with the occasional mindless action flick now and again. 300 was quite good for that.

Just think of the harm they could have done if they'd made it about as realistic as Braveheart, say. People [1] would walk around thinking Persians really were power-hungry lecherous deformed Arabs and that Sparta was fighting for freedom.

Anyways, to return (briefly perhaps) on-topic, what methods does everyone here use to take out TABs?

-Glee

-------------------------
[1] I mean normal people, not drooling jingoistic idiots who are going to think poisonous thoughts anyways.

A Terribly Harmful Name

11-14-2008, 16:18

A plain old cavalry charge from behind, of course.

Cbvani

11-14-2008, 19:16

Oh, it's nice to cut loose with the occasional mindless action flick now and again. 300 was quite good for that.

Wow, I think this was basically the only person who got what I was trying to do with this AAR. I wasn't being realistic, I wasn't trying to be 'epic' and I wasn't trying illustrating anything. It was just an idea - "hmm, can 1 unit of fully upgraded TABs take out 20 units of weak, but very numerous, units?' I wanted to see just how crazy they really are - I mean, you can tell they rock by looking at the stats but how much do they rock, exactly?

Well if you want to know some details, here we go: between 122-82 men left I was winning, percentage-left-wise; at one point I had a 10% advantage in number of men killed. After 82, however, their numerical advantage really came through and I lost men at a rapid rate, down til about 20 men. At 20 men, my losses slowed down as my remaining men were in a tight circle and could only be engaged by a small percentage of the enemy at any given time. Around this time some of the levy spearmen even routed. I think it was about 10 units that routed, but they didn't flee the field entirely. They just ran away and came back. And then my men all died.

I am sure that if I had two units of the TAB instead of one, I could have won the battle.

Phalanx300

11-14-2008, 22:36

I think that you guys are being to harsh on 300. It was ment to entertain and entertain it did.:sweatdrop:

*Evades deadly assasin strikes*

desert

11-14-2008, 23:15

Yeah, we were thinking of two different things, Maion. I was talking about the actual number of soldiers. :sweatdrop:

And my favorite author is R. Scott Bakker. Unfortunately, no one has ever heard of him. :thumbsdown:

Maion Maroneios

11-15-2008, 00:25

I have.

Maion

desert

11-15-2008, 00:39

Really? :dizzy2:

You're the first the first person I've ever interacted with who has heard of him!

Have you read The Prince of Nothing series?

Intranetusa

11-15-2008, 05:14

Aemilius Paulus

11-15-2008, 05:19

^ As accurate as Braveheart?

The Scots never wore kilts during that time, the major battles showing how the Scots won in reality ended in Scottish defeats, and for some reason, there was no bridge at the Battle of Sterling Bridge.

Hey, still better than 300 in all respects. Except in lousiness. And the amount of violence. Nothing can beat 300 in those two categories.

This thread is way off topic. I wonder if it needs to be locked, if we should stop posting off-topic things, or if we should start another movie discussion thread. What do you think guys?

MarcusAureliusAntoninus

11-15-2008, 05:42

Movie discussion threads are off topic anyways and should be locked when they start.

Aemilius Paulus

11-15-2008, 06:35

Movie discussion threads are off topic anyways and should be locked when they start.

They should, that is true, but are they? I have never seen a movie discussion thread locked since I joined the Guild.

What about these recent threads, none of which were locked:

Ancient warfare movies thread (10-18-2008) - https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showthread.php?t=108461
"Anabasis" the movie (10-20-2008) - https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showthread.php?t=108730
OT: Odissey, the movie (10-26-2008) - https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showthread.php?t=108745
Phalanxes as depicted in "Alexander" (10-22-2008) - https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showthread.php?t=108813
[OT] Movie about parthians? (11-06-2008) - https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showthread.php?t=109429

So I know you think some of them, if not all should be locked, but are they actually against the EB forum guidelines? Well, actually, let me rephrase that. They are probably against EB forum regulations, but does anyone actually enforce that particular set of regulations? Is it possible to create one (movie discussion thread)?

Senshi

11-15-2008, 22:07

I'd discourage opening a movie discussion thread in this subforum. First of all, it has absolutely nothing to do with EB itself, secondly, the risk of such threads becoming heated and rude is very likely.

Movies and opinions about movies are highly subjective matters as well as religion and politics (bit strong comparison, but you get the point) and thus are always on a high "gunpowder level", as seen on many other threads which were closed. People tend to have far less concerns of being provocative or insulting in written discussions, this stuff best is to discussed with some buddies in RL over a beer or something.

Maion Maroneios

11-15-2008, 22:52

Really? :dizzy2:

You're the first the first person I've ever interacted with who has heard of him!

Have you read The Prince of Nothing series?
Nah, I'm just messing with you:smash:

Maion

desert

11-15-2008, 23:36

~:pissed::furious3::thumbsdown::no::shame:

Maion Maroneios

11-16-2008, 00:01

:laugh4: I especially liked the fact that you placed all the smileys in an order of exploding and slowly subsiding emotion. You deserve a balloon for this (consider it an act of peace): :balloon3:

Maion

desert

11-16-2008, 06:07

See spoiler in my sig.

I'll accept your surrender, though. :P

Ibrahim

11-17-2008, 23:18

*sound of a buckshot most likely splattering a brain*

that's it? you're just going to shoot the guy who dissed your people?

I was expecting a long, well written, and imformative post, then you can shoot him:inquisitive:

MarcusAureliusAntoninus

11-18-2008, 02:36

I think that was the sound of him killing himself.

Pontius Pilate

11-18-2008, 06:07

um, yeah, about 300. it was based off a comic book, (one of the reasons why the background was shot in all CGI, in case you haven't noticed) not the actual historical event so I don't think they were aiming for historical accuarcy there. and I think the people that made the movie, and anyone who has common sense, can realize that Perisans and people in general don't look like orcs and giant rhinos. also, about ancient warfare movies in general, if you want to make a movie that people will actually watch and not die of boredom, than some historical things will have to be sacrificed. it's called making a profit. I'm sure if some of you had to make a movie you would cut out some historical things.

Aemilius Paulus

11-18-2008, 13:10

that's it? you're just going to shoot the guy who dissed your people?

I was expecting a long, well written, and imformative post, then you can shoot him:inquisitive:

Yeah, me too. The Persian Cataphract is renowned for his extra-long, informative posts that employ elevated diction. Such a brief and violent post just didn't seem like him. Oh well, 300 tends to drag you down to its lowest of all levels (300 is the root of all that is evil, it not Devil causes temptation, and it is the original Pandora's box that unleashed all the evils upon this world)!

I think that was the sound of him killing himself.
:laugh4::laugh4::laugh4: What a quitter!

But no, seriously, I think TPC was shooting someone else.

The Persian Cataphract

11-18-2008, 19:55

Aemilius Paulus

11-19-2008, 03:23

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=02tVq5OKVkQ

:gah2:

Maion Maroneios

11-19-2008, 11:53

I must admit we did the same thing this summer, but at our local beach (I was the 'Persian' guy being kicked:laugh4:).

Maion

Ibrahim

11-20-2008, 19:33

It seems my attempt at humour backfired. I "shot" myself in order to relieve myself from further head-ache, an allusion to which I thought clearly was a way of expressing dissatisfaction with the direction this thread was going.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=02tVq5OKVkQ

Ethereally, it manages to encapsulate the certain lameness of this thread.

oh, I see:laugh4:

Its just that usually, you "shoot", or to be accurate, "hose"* anyone who makes a mistake.

*hose: slang: to spray lead into a guy

as for the video: :laugh3: