View Full Version : So Stupid Its Funny....
Why not have a humourous thread?
Here's one from a few minutes ago...
https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/picture.php?albumid=187&pictureid=1508
Mak Advisor: Sire, An Emissary from our enemies the Selukeia wishes an audience..
King Of Makedon: Show him in
[trumpets]
Sel Emissary: We wish to propose a cease fire...
KOM: [sigh] How much is it going to cost me this time...
SE: Ah, Greek Honour is not for sale. But Greek swords can be sheathed for a price..
KOM: [sigh] How much?
SE: ...a good price!
KOM: Yes, yes but how much..
SE: We will give you 8000 mnai in 2 installments..
KOM: I can't afford Eight....hold on, did you say YOU'LL give US 8000 mnai..
SE: Yes, and if you don't accept our money, we will attack without mercy (and taunt you one more time).
KOM: Well we had better take the money then..
SE: And let that be a lesson to you!!
KOM: Oh it is..
[Emissary leaves]
MA: What a very silly enemy..
KOM and MA together: :laugh4::laugh4::laugh4:
Apázlinemjó
05-21-2009, 19:04
The AI's stand-up comedy.
SE: Yes, and if you don't accept our money, we will attack without mercy
Nice :beam:
:laugh4: You should stick that in a spoiler and sig it. :2thumbsup:
Fluvius Camillus
05-21-2009, 23:18
Nice one, well what do you think about this one??:laugh4::laugh4:
https://i594.photobucket.com/albums/tt22/Fluvius_Camillus/tegenstrijdig.jpg?t=1242944313
I know its not EB but still I thougth I should add.
~Fluvius
anubis88
05-21-2009, 23:35
this one happens soooo often:laugh4:.
I remember someone posting an absurd screenshot a long while ago. He was playing with Rome, and was at war with macedon IIRC. They had only one settlement left, and made him a request to pay them around 170.000 mnai, + giving them around 10 settlements back for a ceasfire...:laugh4::laugh4::laugh4::laugh4:
Ghaust the Moor
05-22-2009, 00:19
Once, as baktria I was conquering the Seleucids, and after I conqured Antiocheia-Margiane, they came to with the proposal to declare a ceasfire and give them Antiocheia-Margiane. I refused the first time. My next turn, just to be funny I went up to them and said " I'll declare a ceasfire and Give you your city back" thier response was that my words were bandying wastes of time.:laugh4:
this one happens soooo often:laugh4:.
I remember someone posting an absurd screenshot a long while ago. He was playing with Rome, and was at war with macedon IIRC. They had only one settlement left, and made him a request to pay them around 170.000 mnai, + giving them around 10 settlements back for a ceasfire...:laugh4::laugh4::laugh4::laugh4:
Yep, that's what this thread demands, ....with the humourous dialogues of course ~;)
satalexton
05-22-2009, 02:32
hehehe...silly polis-krate.
Aemilius Paulus
05-22-2009, 03:28
this one happens soooo often:laugh4:.
Yeah, especially in alex.exe, where diplomacy is more reasonable, but sometimes too reasonable. Such as when for 9 straight turns the AS would attack my Epriote Pergamon and the same turn I would approach their army with a diploamt who would offer them money to call ceasefire. They accepted all 9 turns, giving me trade rights, map info, ceasfire and couple to several thousand mnai to top it off. Requiring nothing from me. Eventually I got tired and simply attacked their army on the 10th turn.
anubis88
05-22-2009, 10:06
What makes me laugh the most are the over the top cliche diplomat words...
Stuff like this offer would shame a helot, and the great pharoh has decided that it is time for you to join him or sth... It just makes me laugh when the AI starts his bedess talk... They have 1 settlement left and you offer a ceasfire, and they talk to you like the roman empire would talk to a village who rebelled :laugh4:
Mediterraneo
05-22-2009, 10:37
Why not have a humourous thread?
Here's one from a few minutes ago...
https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/picture.php?albumid=187&pictureid=1508
Mak Advisor: Sire, An Emissary from our enemies the Selukeia wishes an audience..
King Of Makedon: Show him in
[trumpets]
Sel Emissary: We wish to propose a cease fire...
KOM: [sigh] How much is it going to cost me this time...
SE: Ah, Greek Honour is not for sale. But Greek swords can be sheathed for a price..
KOM: [sigh] How much?
SE: ...a good price!
KOM: Yes, yes but how much..
SE: We will give you 8000 mnai in 2 installments..
KOM: I can't afford Eight....hold on, did you say YOU'LL give US 8000 mnai..
SE: Yes, and if you don't accept our money, we will attack without mercy (and taunt you one more time).
KOM: Well we had better take the money then..
SE: And let that be a lesson to you!!
KOM: Oh it is..
[Emissary leaves]
MA: What a very silly enemy..
KOM and MA together: :laugh4::laugh4::laugh4:
Hello everybody.
Pardon me, Dreski, i do not want to say that the diplomatic AI or the AI in general is smart but...
I looked at your strat map under the diplomatic screen you posted, and it seem to me that you are clearly winning the war with the Seleukids.
And so, their proposal: "Ok, i recognize that you won, and i'll pay a good amount of money for that if you give me peace. But i'm not dead, still, and if you do not accept you'll arrepent of it" doesn't seem very stupid.
Unless you are in an environment in which mantaining your word is pointless (as a single player easy campaign, with focus on generating battles and not on political decisions, as Total War games are) that stance makes you balance the (possible) spoils to gain if you continue the war with the recognizement of your victory (and a price for it!).
So, say, in a multiplayer campaign (where you cannot guarantee your absolute economical and militar superiority over all the other factions) that wouldn't seem a stupid offer: you'd have to think what do you prefer.
Because you couldn't just take the money and attack again (as you in effect can agaist the AI, because of the nature of the game and of the AI absolute tactical inferiority).
After violating such a treaty as the Seleucid proposed you, what human player would accept any kind of treaty with you, or who would not consider you as a clear menace for their security?
That would be an action that may cause strong polarization: it could be that some would ask to be your protectorate, some others would ally with the seleucids and between themselves to attack you, in a plain good egemony war.
Probably i'm missing something, but it seem to me that this time the AI made it good...
Bye!
Cute Wolf
05-22-2009, 11:43
? :dizzy2:
@Mediterraneo....
But this is A.I...... they're surprisingly rational this time...:2thumbsup:
Hello everybody.
Pardon me, Dreski, i do not want to say that the diplomatic AI or the AI in general is smart but...
I looked at your strat map under the diplomatic screen you posted, and it seem to me that you are clearly winning the war with the Seleukids.
And so, their proposal: "Ok, i recognize that you won, and i'll pay a good amount of money for that if you give me peace. But i'm not dead, still, and if you do not accept you'll arrepent of it" doesn't seem very stupid.
Unless you are in an environment in which mantaining your word is pointless (as a single player easy campaign, with focus on generating battles and not on political decisions, as Total War games are) that stance makes you balance the (possible) spoils to gain if you continue the war with the recognizement of your victory (and a price for it!).
So, say, in a multiplayer campaign (where you cannot guarantee your absolute economical and militar superiority over all the other factions) that wouldn't seem a stupid offer: you'd have to think what do you prefer.
Because you couldn't just take the money and attack again (as you in effect can agaist the AI, because of the nature of the game and of the AI absolute tactical inferiority).
After violating such a treaty as the Seleucid proposed you, what human player would accept any kind of treaty with you, or who would not consider you as a clear menace for their security?
That would be an action that may cause strong polarization: it could be that some would ask to be your protectorate, some others would ally with the seleucids and between themselves to attack you, in a plain good egemony war.
Probably i'm missing something, but it seem to me that this time the AI made it good...
Bye!
Erm, I think you're slightly missing the point of the thread:juggle2: , but nevermind.
Actually its the Seluks who of course are attacking me every single time..."here's some money", roll season.."We are declaring war on you!!"...short time later..."Please have some more money", etc.etc...."and in the meantime, we will leave a full army camped outside each of your cities"..(until we have some more money to give you :laugh4:)...
Its peace Jim, but not as we know it.
P.S. Welcome to the forums! :gathering:
Aneximanes
05-22-2009, 12:03
Once, as baktria I was conquering the Seleucids, and after I conqured Antiocheia-Margiane, they came to with the proposal to declare a ceasfire and give them Antiocheia-Margiane. I refused the first time. My next turn, just to be funny I went up to them and said " I'll declare a ceasfire and Give you your city back" thier response was that my words were bandying wastes of time.:laugh4:
This one is actually pretty anoying.
They ask for a ceasefire, I refuse. Next turn I 'm at war with another nation so I reason its not a bad idea afterall that ceasefire. I offer them a ceasefire + some money and they refuse !! :furious3:
When I try to trade maps, nothing else, I sometimes get a counteroffer where they just give me some money and thats it. :inquisitive:
athanaric
05-22-2009, 12:19
This one surprised me, as the AI Romaioi are usually the cheapest bastards in the game (apart from the diadochoi factions) and won't negotiate anything:
https://img268.imageshack.us/img268/6708/generousromaioi.jpg (https://img268.imageshack.us/my.php?image=generousromaioi.jpg)
Cute Wolf
05-22-2009, 12:24
hey... I usually sell my map info for 2000 minai.....
This one is actually pretty anoying.
They ask for a ceasefire, I refuse. Next turn I 'm at war with another nation so I reason its not a bad idea afterall that ceasefire. I offer them a ceasefire + some money and they refuse !! :furious3:
When I try to trade maps, nothing else, I sometimes get a counteroffer where they just give me some money and thats it. :inquisitive:
Yeah I find the diplomatic AI to be one big pile of crap..
I never manage to do anything with it..
I want to gift the city to a faction and they say they refuse as they dont have anything in return..
I ask ally for military access and they refuse saying I will march to their cities..
I offer them military access and they dont want it as I would attack them in my territory..
I offer that I will attack a faction im already in war with and they dont believe me..
antisocialmunky
05-22-2009, 12:57
... You know, in one of my Campaigns as the KH, I allied with Rome and Rome would give me cash gifts every couple turns as I ate the other Greek Factions. The other AIs also did alot of intellegent offers. It was so weird and I totally should have finished that campaign.
Atraphoenix
05-22-2009, 15:55
CA should read "Art of War" before they code AI.
Imagine that You have besieged last city.
You say :" Become protectrote or I will attack"
AI: "We will try our chances!"
after "Art of War" touch:
You have besiege last city with 2000 men while they have 1000 defending the city.
You say :" Become protectrote or I will attack"
AI "Sun Tsu said that you need 10000 men to to assault us" "We will try our chances"
I think it does not make any change :laugh4:
Atraphoenix
05-22-2009, 16:00
with RTW.exe
AI"Become Protectorate or we will attack"
after I had conqured 2/3rd of their land and just left 6 city for them :laugh4:
I think the proposal where they ask you not to attack and threaten you at the same time is quite sensible. It basically says: "I have the power to attack you now, but will stay my hand if you agree to also abstain from attacking". In a modern sense, it would be a time-limited ceasefire, as opposed to the end of the war which the "ceasefire" in RTW represents.
Of course, the military AI will completely disregard any such agreement it makes, but the diplomatic offer is reasonable enough.
Atraphoenix
05-22-2009, 17:29
At least alex has some logical diplomacy though I never accept AI's proposals.
AS offered me ceasefire after I had conquered Mesopotamia and besieged their beloved antiocheia,
I rejected it looted her then I offered them ceasefire even with the offer to give them back looted antiocheia. They rejected. ı think they went crazy after I massacred their beloved capital.
It was in VH/M so I can assure you alex AI better than others after crushing defeats, AI may offer you ceasefire.
BTW I always advice to put some AS buffer cities between you and Ptolemy. If you are not ready a full scale war with them whatever faction you play.
Publio Cornelio Escipión Africano Mayor
05-22-2009, 17:56
Well, the last stupid thing the AI has done to me was to offer an alliance, give me money and their map, and in the same turn they attacked a full stacked army of mine in a bridge.
I hate politics in RTW.
Ibn-Khaldun
05-22-2009, 19:43
Well, the last stupid thing the AI has done to me was to offer an alliance, give me money and their map, and in the same turn they attacked a full stacked army of mine in a bridge.
I hate politics in RTW.
If you try to roleplay these situations then you should remember that in EB 1 turn=3months. A lot of things could have happened during that time ~:)
EDIT: GAh! I just noticed that you have the longest username I have seen in the .Org :dizzy2:
Publio Cornelio Escipión Africano Mayor
05-22-2009, 19:53
That's exactly what I did. I Role played that the attacking general was some kind of "against the establishment - I make my own rules - I'm the lord of my own tribe" germanic barbarian. So blew him up to smithereens and used the force diplomacy thing to make them beg for peace (Saying: We "the Sweboz" do not support the actions of that general, so make with him what you please).
HAHA That was fun.
Aemilius Paulus
05-23-2009, 01:30
hey... I usually sell my map info for 2000 minai.....
:shame::whip::skull:
I either sell for 900-1200 or do not sell at all. I also reload to see the maximum price the AI will pay. And I include trade rights in the package as well... If I was to offer just map info, 2/3 usually only agree on a mutual exchange of map information, and will not pay anything. It seems that in my campaign, despite the VH difficulty, the AI factions appear to take on a thrifty and austere policy as if they lack money.
Cute Wolf
05-23-2009, 01:41
Hmmm... I certainly don't sell my map info for any faction nearby.... Just try to play as Casse, conquer the whole british islands and Ireland... then.... LOOK HOW MUCH DID SABA WANT TO PAY FOR YOUR MAP INFO.... I try it once in H campaign... and they agreed on 8000 minai:laugh4:
2000 minai is standard price of KH maps if sold to Romans, Carthaginians, Aedui, Avernii, Sweboz, and Ptolies.....
Makedon, Epeiros, and Seleukid won't pay for your map info....
Getai only pay ~1000 in max...
---- Guess what about saka, Phalava and Baktria would pay..
Ibn-Khaldun
05-24-2009, 20:18
I never sell or give my map info. I just don't want the AI factions know what I'm doing(though, it doesn't matter cause they magically know exact places where my cities are!!).
Nachtmeister
05-25-2009, 02:06
I never sell or give my map info. I just don't want the AI factions know what I'm doing(though, it doesn't matter cause they magically know exact places where my cities are!!).
It's called "spy"... The AI uses them a lot; take a look at your border-settlements' public order if some AI faction desires them for it's self...
Atraphoenix
05-25-2009, 08:44
It's called "spy"... The AI uses them a lot; take a look at your border-settlements' public order if some AI faction desires them for it's self...
do not forget wandering diplomats :whip:
They even bribe your settlements! :wall:
Macilrille
05-25-2009, 13:39
Yes, especially the Aedui for some strange reason. I always keep at least one spy in my border settlements to catch their spies.
Ibn-Khaldun
05-25-2009, 22:25
do not forget wandering diplomats :whip:
They even bribe your settlements! :wall:
It have happened couple of times in EB when a diplomat bribes a town with 3-4 units as garrison but I have never seen (luckily) that they would bribe a town with a full stack as a garrison.
The latter happened in Vanilla many times when Egypt bribed my full stack veteran legions who garrisoned cities near the border:wall:
Atraphoenix
05-26-2009, 08:30
It have happened couple of times in EB when a diplomat bribes a town with 3-4 units as garrison but I have never seen (luckily) that they would bribe a town with a full stack as a garrison.
The latter happened in Vanilla many times when Egypt bribed my full stack veteran legions who garrisoned cities near the border:wall:
That is why I never leave my full stacks to my captains.
Well, for EBII, we HAVE to get a FM with those stacks because a few turns after left alone, they'll turn to the rebels, no diplomat in sight. Happened to my french stack near Bordeaux :wall:
Back to EB.
As a general rule, you have to put a FM with all troops outside the cities. Lucky for me, I have not yet got hit by those wandering diplomats. :beam::beam:
Cute Wolf
05-27-2009, 01:38
M2TW have the "Loyalty" points, and your own sons (FM) all could desert when they have low (less than 1) loyalty (except Faction Leader and Heir of course)... BTW... EB II will include this option don't you?:laugh4:
Prepare to be deserted if your faction leader doesnt have any autorithah...
Celtic_Punk
05-27-2009, 07:54
... You know, in one of my Campaigns as the KH, I allied with Rome and Rome would give me cash gifts every couple turns as I ate the other Greek Factions. The other AIs also did alot of intellegent offers. It was so weird and I totally should have finished that campaign.
same happens to me. I find sometimes the Romans are intelligent allies. especially because they seem to be always scheming something.
Atraphoenix
05-27-2009, 08:24
M2TW have the "Loyalty" points, and your own sons (FM) all could desert when they have low (less than 1) loyalty (except Faction Leader and Heir of course)... BTW... EB II will include this option don't you?:laugh4:
Prepare to be deserted if your faction leader doesnt have any autorithah...
and it would be quite realistic. :yes:
Please not:no:...... Please not:no:.....
That would seriously piss me off because I normally build up stacks (foolishly) without FM outside the cities.
Hmm, I do not think that would be realistic for Romani during the Republic. After all, how do you represent loyalty to the Senate? How do you represent the authority of the Senate? Though after the Marian reforms, the legions become more and more loyal to their general as to the Roman state and we see what happened when the senate ordered Caesar to demobilize his army.
Edit: edited Caesar
Hmm, I do not think that would be realistic for Romani during the Republic. After all, how do you represent loyalty to the Senate? How do you represent the authority of the Senate? Though after the Marian reforms, the legions become more and more loyal to their general as to the Roman state and we see what happened when the senate ordered Cezar to demobilize his army.
That's why Vanilla had the Senate faction. But I believe having a Senate faction would be ahistorical.
Btw, you spelt Caesar wrong.
Atraphoenix
05-27-2009, 14:22
Hmm, I do not think that would be realistic for Romani during the Republic. After all, how do you represent loyalty to the Senate? How do you represent the authority of the Senate? Though after the Marian reforms, the legions become more and more loyal to their general as to the Roman state and we see what happened when the senate ordered Caesar to demobilize his army.
Edit: edited Caesar
In M2TW there is chivalry and dread rating so the more chivalry your general is close to senate more dread to people like the political parties populares / optimates we handle the traits to get populares or optimates if the faction leader is a popularis , optimates will desert, or vice versa ....
Fluvius Camillus
05-27-2009, 17:19
In M2TW there is chivalry and dread rating so the more chivalry your general is close to senate more dread to people like the political parties populares / optimates we handle the traits to get populares or optimates if the faction leader is a popularis , optimates will desert, or vice versa ....
Wow! Sounds promising! Looks like I have to conquer the world once more when EBII comes!:laugh4:
Also I liked the house system of RTW, I know families did not really posess complete provinces of the empire, but I think it really does well in recreating civil wars, like triumvirates!
~Fluvius
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