Mixed-Religion Relationships

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

Look, I started a topic!:beam:

So, I have a question particularly for those of a devote religious persuasion here. As you'll know if you've been here any amount of time, I have deeply held religious convictions of the Christian variety. I'm much more flexable about some parts of my Faith than others; I am, for example, much less bothered about form of worship, tradition, divorce, and homosexuality than I am about predestination, charity and abortion.

This isn't actually about my beliefs though, it's about how they inform my worldview and the way I live my life. Every day I see the hand of a benevolant and all-powerful God at work in the world, a God who is both monarch and universal father. This informs my relationships with others, my reactions to my environment, my every decision and belief.

Put simply, my Faith is the linchpin which anchors my understanding of my own existence.

With this in mind, I cannot concieve of an intimate relationship or a future with a woman who did not share the same basic belief system; because if she felt differently on these very fundamental questions I would be unable to fully share my life with her. For example: Prayer can be a very traumatic and intense experience for me, and I generally cry in Chruch during Easter. This is because I am so deeply moved, I don't think I'd even want a relationship with someone I couldn't share that with.

On the other hand, throughout history there have been lots of apparently successful couples with widely divergant beliefs, and not only in the sphere of religion.

I don't get it.

Thoughts?

[Louis VI the Fat]

Look! Somebody replied! :beam:


Holding hands and silently agreeing with each other's unspoken thoughts is boring. :snore:

Love's supposed to be stormy and passionate! Gimme fights, arguments, make-up sex, mutual exploration of the wonderfully weird thought-world of another lost soul!!

[Beskar]

They can do it before they don't force their beliefs on one or another. It depends what comes first, the person you love or a book.

[Mooks]

I frequent a atheist forum site (WWW.Richarddawkins.net/forums). It seems like every week there is a atheist on there asking somebody how to make his relationship with a religios partner work. I think it depends on the people themselves and which religion (I would imagine a buddhist is much more easier to get along with in a marriage then a christrian/muslim/jew).

[Hooahguy]

wait..... youre not athiest?

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

Look! Somebody replied! :beam:


Holding hands and silently agreeing with each other's unspoken thoughts is boring. :snore:

Love's supposed to be stormy and passionate! Gimme fights, arguments, make-up sex, mutual exploration of the wonderfully weird thought-world of another lost soul!!

Probably the stormiest relationship I have ever had with a woman was with someone who shared most of my fundamental assumptions about the world. We still argued about the specifics and the merits of Shakespeare.

Sadly it proved too much arguing in the end, we haven't spoken in some time, and we were never actually a romantic couple.

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

They can do it before they don't force their beliefs on one or another. It depends what comes first, the person you love or a book.

Ever tried to make one work?

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

wait..... youre not athiest?

Sorry, who, me?

[Hooahguy]

Sorry, who, me?
yeah. ive always took you to be an athiest.

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

yeah. ive always took you to be an athiest.

Go back and look at the discussions I have with Rhy on Christian Theology, on the one a while back on determinism.

I am not overly unusual for a University educated Anglican Christian.

[Beskar]

Ever tried to make one work?

My relationships have ended over other disagreements and reasons. I have dated those with other religious beliefs though. It's a case of don't force it on others and they don't force it on you. Also, in the thongs of love, going to a church at Easter for example with them wasn't a request that would kill me, relationships are give and take.

Simple answer is, if your partner has to believe in exactly what you believe in, then thats it. Saying otherwise won't make you start dating a Hindu for example. I usually choose girls based on personality, looks and general morals. If you want to add more criteria to it, it is your choice.

[Hooahguy]

Go back and look at the discussions I have with Rhy on Christian Theology, on the one a while back on determinism.

I am not overly unusual for a University educated Anglican Christian.
nah. too long of a conversation.

[pevergreen]

tl;dr

I havent done it yet, I may next month, but I believe compromise could make it work, if both parties wished it to.

[Hooahguy]

I havent done it yet, I may next month, but I believe compromise could make it work, if both parties wished it to.
huh?

[Lemur]

When I arrived in the jungle compound and signed over all of my belongings to the Great Leader, I was told that those who do not follow the Seven Sacred Paths are consigned to outer darkness and possessed by demons. "Does that include hot Swedish girls?" I asked, only to be rewarded by a month in the turnip field.

But one day there she was, four feet tall and covered with a fine coat of black hairs that speckled her chest and back. I felt the stirrings of true love. Cynics will say that my judgment was impaired by starvation, exhaustion and heat stroke. And you may have a point. But when she wiped the goat's milk out of her cute little mustache, I knew I had to recite the Great Leader's Platitudes of Glory and hold her tight.

Trouble began when we moved back to Philly to sell roses on streetcorners and proselytize amongst the forsaken heathens. Although we spent countless hours making sexytime and worshiping at our homemade Great Leader Shrine, a distance began to settle in.

"Remember our wedding?" she'd ask me as I put in another inspirational CD in the boombox. How could I forget? It was just us, the Great Leader and 500 other couples in a jungle clearing. Mass marriage felt so right, so true, so paradoxically intimate, despite the swarms of mosquitoes and blood-flies. Looking around the unheated storage unit we now called home, I had to wonder if we would have been happier in our tin hut back in the jungle.

Trouble came when I met a Scientologist named Hilda.

-to be continued-

[Cute Wolf]

Well, I'm a christian and my girlfriend are muslim..... well things going just fine...

We've going along well and her parents seems not to complaining about my religion, at least his father wasn't a fanatic one (he often drink beer/whiskey/tuak/whatever alcoholic drinks together with me... u know that muslims are forbidden to drank alcohols? that's why he allows me to be with his daughter). Just make sure that someone you love isn't a strict fanatic, and that will going just fine...

Well about marriage... It seems that it was still far - far away, but at least in my country, I know that mixed marriage is legal now... and all that we need is just some "private room" to pray separately... and we has talk about If we have child... let's get they judge what's best for themself... Although still hope that she will eventually convert but... that depends on herself... what's best to suit herself as my future wife... but at least, I didn't mind walking with a wife who wore headscarf....

EDIT:
For the Problems... well, actually I made some guy to dislike me in the process, as they always tease both me and my GF, and they always said that I must circumize myself first and convert to their way... and some of her friends (her girl-friend) also try to separate her from me... and constantly try to "mentoring" her with religious verses... bah.... as well as some of my friends... saying that light shouldn't mixed with darknesss... etc... but at least it then depends on love and solely love.... If both love each others the problems are easy to tackle...

[HoreTore]

I'd never do a christian.

.....Sorry. It's not because of prejudice or whatever, it's simply because of differences. And, considering I'm quite fond of yelling and ranting whenever christianity is in the news, I can't really understand why anyone with a christian persuasion would want to be with me....

Also, I won't ever consider being with a woman who doesn't want to get in they hay quickly when drunk. Traditional women hold no interest to me at all. I see no reason to wait for months, or even weeks before having sex. The cheaper the women are, the better it is.

[Fragony]

Christian chicks are feisty little harpies you fool!

[rory_20_uk]

My other half is a Christian. I'm used to having some Christians try to convert me which often leads to interesting chats.

We went to a discussion evening with her flock and preacher and after calling God a genocidal megalomaniac for such acts as the seven plagues she's not taken me back there... The preacher has also since resigned his post. :devil:

But other than that there's a lot more to life.

~:smoking:

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

My relationships have ended over other disagreements and reasons. I have dated those with other religious beliefs though. It's a case of don't force it on others and they don't force it on you. Also, in the thongs of love, going to a church at Easter for example with them wasn't a request that would kill me, relationships are give and take.

Simple answer is, if your partner has to believe in exactly what you believe in, then thats it. Saying otherwise won't make you start dating a Hindu for example. I usually choose girls based on personality, looks and general morals. If you want to add more criteria to it, it is your choice.

I think that's a very healthy attitude, really. Let me be clear, it's not about "exactly what I believe", but about what I am willing to compromise on.

I suppose you could place Christian Belief under "general morals" from my perspective.


My other half is a Christian. I'm used to having some Christians try to convert me which often leads to interesting chats.

We went to a discussion evening with her flock and preacher and after calling God a genocidal megalomaniac for such acts as the seven plagues she's not taken me back there... The preacher has also since resigned his post. :devil:

But other than that there's a lot more to life.

~:smoking:

Ah yes, the familliar story. If I had a penny for every time I've heard...

Admittedly, I still don't understand, but this is all very interesting. I know some people, women in particular, pick a person they like and then try to nudge the religion in a certain direction. Same principle as getting you to leave the toilet seat down, I suppose.


Christian chicks are feisty little harpies you fool!

I feel I should dissagree here...

[HoreTore]

Christian chicks are feisty little harpies you fool!

The priests daughters, yes....

But the naughty ones tend to be ex-christians ~;)


Same principle as getting you to leave the toilet seat down, I suppose.

HERESY!!!!!

The toilet seat stays up. That's the one thing I won't ever compromise on.

Edit: I have no idea how I managed to swap up and down there....

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

The priests daughters, yes....

But the naughty ones tend to be ex-christians ~;)



HERESY!!!!!

The toilet seat stays down. That's the one thing I won't ever compromise on.

Christian girls tend to be pickier, but they also tend to be worth working for because when they do finally give in... well.

as to the toilet seat, I just don't want to know.

[HoreTore]

Christian girls tend to be pickier, but they also tend to be worth working for because when they do finally give in... well.

If I have to "work for" a woman, they have already shown themselves incompatible with my morals, and therefore no relationship will work.

I refuse to engage in a relationship with a woman who regards sex as kind of a treasure or reward that I will be given if I work hard enough. There are plenty of women in the world, I'll spend my time with women I regard as morally sound and healthy.

[Fragony]

Christian girls tend to be pickier

Yeah right.

No.

[rory_20_uk]

I'm with HoreTore on this.

Compromise is fine and is part of life, but playing into someone's gimp fetish isn't my idea of fun. I'm an adult, I'd like one as a partner.

~:smoking:

[Rhyfelwyr]

If I have to "work for" a woman, they have already shown themselves incompatible with my morals, and therefore no relationship will work.

I refuse to engage in a relationship with a woman who regards sex as kind of a treasure or reward that I will be given if I work hard enough. There are plenty of women in the world, I'll spend my time with women I regard as morally sound and healthy.

This. Ain't no ho having me running round like a lap dog just cause she's a stuck up :daisy:

The worst thing possible is when women start calling the shots in a relationship, especially when they are immature or insecure, ugh some stuff makes me cringe. Of course, it's not right when it's just the male taking all the power either. Although I have no experience in this whatsoever, if I was in a relationship I would like it if it just worked, instead of one person running the show.

Anyway, more in line with the topic, I wouldn't go out with someone who isn't Christian. The denomination wouldn't really be important, although Catholicism is probably a bit too dodgy for my liking, and it can lead to complications here. Also, I probably wouldn't be able to get along with a liberal Christian, for the same reason I wouldn't get along with an atheist or someone of a different religion (talking about marriage-type relationships here, obviously I have friends who are atheists), we would just have too drastically different worldviews and not enough in common for people who would be living the rest of their lives together.

[CountArach]

My parents are different religions. No big deal :shrug:

In fact I would dare say it helped me to become more tolerant of other's beliefs.

[naut]

Christian chicks are feisty little harpies you fool!
Amen.

[TinCow]

With this in mind, I cannot concieve of an intimate relationship or a future with a woman who did not share the same basic belief system; because if she felt differently on these very fundamental questions I would be unable to fully share my life with her. For example: Prayer can be a very traumatic and intense experience for me, and I generally cry in Chruch during Easter. This is because I am so deeply moved, I don't think I'd even want a relationship with someone I couldn't share that with.

On the other hand, throughout history there have been lots of apparently successful couples with widely divergant beliefs, and not only in the sphere of religion.

I don't get it.

Thoughts?

IMHO, a mixed religion relationship would not work for you. I am in a mixed religion relationship. I was raised Jewish, but am currently an atheist. My wife is episcopalian and while she does not attend Church, she believes in God and prays. Other than some difficulties with the actual mechanics of the wedding ceremony, religion has had no impact on our relationship whatsoever. The reason for this is that we both respect each others' views, do not consider them wrong in any way, and are content to simply believe different things. She does not think I am going to hell and I do not think she wrong for believing in God. We don't even have a disagreement on how to raise our children religiously.

The point is simply that it is about compatibility and it is no different than with any other aspect of a relationship. If your religious views are so important to you that you cannot tolerate someone who does not agree with those views, then any relationship you have with someone like that will either fail or be less fulfilling than it could be. If your religious views are such that you do not care what someone else believes, then different beliefs will have no impact on you. This is no different than relationship differences based on politics, race, education, job, culture, or any other thing of which you could possibly think.

[miotas]

Look, I started a topic!:beam:

So, I have a question particularly for those of a devote religious persuasion here. As you'll know if you've been here any amount of time, I have deeply held religious convictions of the Christian variety. I'm much more flexable about some parts of my Faith than others; I am, for example, much less bothered about form of worship, tradition, divorce, and homosexuality than I am about predestination, charity and abortion.

This isn't actually about my beliefs though, it's about how they inform my worldview and the way I live my life. Every day I see the hand of a benevolant and all-powerful God at work in the world, a God who is both monarch and universal father. This informs my relationships with others, my reactions to my environment, my every decision and belief.

Put simply, my Faith is the linchpin which anchors my understanding of my own existence.

With this in mind, I cannot concieve of an intimate relationship or a future with a woman who did not share the same basic belief system; because if she felt differently on these very fundamental questions I would be unable to fully share my life with her. For example: Prayer can be a very traumatic and intense experience for me, and I generally cry in Chruch during Easter. This is because I am so deeply moved, I don't think I'd even want a relationship with someone I couldn't share that with.

On the other hand, throughout history there have been lots of apparently successful couples with widely divergant beliefs, and not only in the sphere of religion.

I don't get it.

Thoughts?

What would you feel about someone who had all the same morals as you but just didn't believe in god?
Eg. you say "I believe we should do "x" because god told us to"
and she says "I also belive "x" but because that's how my parents raised me, not because god told us to"

I was kind of rasied as an atheistic christian and evened out to an agnostic. My parents would probably say they belive in god if they were asked what their beliefs were but like most aussies they just say they are christian, but never do anything even remotely religious (appart from religiously based swear words). My religous beliefs are basically; you can believe what you like just as long as you don't try to convert me.

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

If I have to "work for" a woman, they have already shown themselves incompatible with my morals, and therefore no relationship will work.

I refuse to engage in a relationship with a woman who regards sex as kind of a treasure or reward that I will be given if I work hard enough. There are plenty of women in the world, I'll spend my time with women I regard as morally sound and healthy.

Um, that was not what I meant. If you think a woman should want to jump your bones as soon as you meet her, fine. It's not necessarily unhealthy to be a bit more cautious, though. I mean, seriously. Actually, that's a bit disturbing, because you assume you'll be the only one enjoying it.


Yeah right.

No.

Depends, I know both types and I don't have a problem with either. I know one Priest's daughter, she's probably a bit more liberal than he'd like, but she's hardly a wild child.

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

IMHO, a mixed religion relationship would not work for you. I am in a mixed religion relationship. I was raised Jewish, but am currently an atheist. My wife is episcopalian and while she does not attend Church, she believes in God and prays. Other than some difficulties with the actual mechanics of the wedding ceremony, religion has had no impact on our relationship whatsoever. The reason for this is that we both respect each others' views, do not consider them wrong in any way, and are content to simply believe different things. She does not think I am going to hell and I do not think she wrong for believing in God. We don't even have a disagreement on how to raise our children religiously.

The point is simply that it is about compatibility and it is no different than with any other aspect of a relationship. If your religious views are so important to you that you cannot tolerate someone who does not agree with those views, then any relationship you have with someone like that will either fail or be less fulfilling than it could be. If your religious views are such that you do not care what someone else believes, then different beliefs will have no impact on you. This is no different than relationship differences based on politics, race, education, job, culture, or any other thing of which you could possibly think.

This is my own perspective, on myself.:juggle2:

It's not just a question of religion, there are other things I look for, which I think are just as important. I don't think it's so much about whether or not I think other people's beliefs are not important. It has more to do with how important a part of my life my own beliefs are.

This really is all very interesting.

[Rhyfelwyr]

Exactly. People might say it's bigoted to avoid relationships with people because they have different beliefs from you, but really, your beliefs are just a part of who you are. For some people, their religious beliefs will have a drastic effect not just on how they act outwardly but also on their character and development as a person, that's too much to just ignore when you consider what you have in common with a partner.

[HoreTore]

Um, that was not what I meant. If you think a woman should want to jump your bones as soon as you meet her, fine. It's not necessarily unhealthy to be a bit more cautious, though. I mean, seriously. Actually, that's a bit disturbing, because you assume you'll be the only one enjoying it.

Those are the women I try to steer clear of. There are plenty of (conservative)women who regard having sex with a man as rewarding the man, and in order for the man to get that reward, they would have to work for it.

Which I believe is utter nonsense, as sex should, of course, be enjoyable for both parties, and as such it's impossible for it to be a "reward" for either party.

But it's plain and simple, it will of course be impossible for me(or anyone else) to be in a relationship with a person who doesn't have the same idea of love, relationship and sex as I do. Specifically, housewives and the "stand by your man"-type of woman can go somewhere else.... Gimme some good feminists instead.

[TinCow]

This is my own perspective, on myself.:juggle2:

It's not just a question of religion, there are other things I look for, which I think are just as important. I don't think it's so much about whether or not I think other people's beliefs are not important. It has more to do with how important a part of my life my own beliefs are.

You've got it precisely. It's not something to be embarrassed about or to feel bad about. In fact, simply being aware of the aspects of your life that you cannot compromise for another person is a very good thing. A successful relationship requires a couple that is willing to work to compromise on areas in which they disagree, or at least to agree to disagree without it bothering them. If you know which areas you cannot compromise, you are far more likely to identify relationships that are doomed to failure before they get too serious.

In nearly every marriage that results in divorce, at least one of the two people felt that the relationship would not last prior to the wedding. Divorce is rarely something that happens because of unforeseen events that occur after marriage; it is almost always because of fundamental incompatibilities of personality, beliefs, etc. that were ignored or not properly dealt with prior to the commitment. Those who are unaware of their own nature are far more likely to fall into this trap. Know thyself, and you will find success in love.

[econ21]

This thread reminds me of an old Trotskyist friend, who - at a young age - told me he could not bear to have kids for fear of them growing up right wing. I thought it a little bizarre and that he was unnecessarily depriving himself.

Statistically, differences in religion - as with differences in most other things - raise the probability of divorce. So my head agrees with TinCow.

But my heart... Maybe I am a romantic, but I would imagine couples starting to fall in love before they have worked out all their differences in doctrine. And it would be a self-controlled man who could apply the breaks when they realise there is a problem. Maybe the religious just look within their own communities, but in most spheres of modern life, I would imagine people can find love in a much more diverse setting. If I were single, I just can't imagine having a conscious checklist - she must be A, B, C and D before I will consider falling in love with her. Of course, I can readily accept that during the relationship, uncovering factors X, Y and Z are enough to scupper its future.

I'm an atheist and married my wife shortly after she had converted to Christianity. The evangelicals who converted her tried to dissuade her from the union, saying Christians should marry Christians. I thought they were utter ******* for trying to interfere.

Many years on, I can't deny that differences in religious belief are a potentially serious incompatibilty. But no more than many other candidates (such as the aforementioned toilet seat).

For my part, the important beliefs are ethical ones - I could not bear someone who is cruel and, for example, would find it impossible to co-exist with a religious person who thought the sick or ill fated deserved their misfortune. But such beliefs are rare today and my impression is that the Western Christian muddles along with practical ethical issues in much the same way as the atheist.

I can't speak for my wife, but hope I try to live according to the ethical standards of Christianity (and the other major religions). She may think my unbelief means I will not join her in heaven, but ironically I suspect her having belief that bothers me more than having the belief bothers her. (I will have to make more effort with that toilet seat.)

She insisted our son have a Christian upbringing, and so far he is a God-fearing young man, although I have not masked my own views. I do sometimes share the dismay expressed by my old Trotskyist friend. But then I remember that respecting other people's individuality and difference is one of the most life affirming things one can do.

My head understands that differences drive divorce, but my heart cries vive la difference.

[Louis VI the Fat]

I just can't imagine having a conscious checklist - she must be A, B, C and D before I will consider falling in love with her.I agree. I don't have a set preference for cup size either.


Having said that, I laff at all you silly religious folk. Uncontaminated by silly groupthink as the stern atheist I am, I will date any and all. I don't mind whether you not believe in either God, Allah or re-incarnation. :sneaky:

[Hax]

I don't really mind. Most of my girlfriends up until now were agnostic, and I've just become a Buddhist in november, so I don't mind. If I fall in love and would later discover she (or he, speaking theoretically) is religious I can't find any problem. Adding to that, I'm also from a mixed-marriage (Christian x Muslim) and my parents get along fine. My mother was raised in a Christian fashion and likes to quote from the Bible now and then, although she isn't really a Christian anymore. My father does pray five times a day.

Even so, if she insists Jesus/Mohammed/The Flying Spaghetti Monster/Al Gore is the saviour of all humans I can just declare him a Bodhisattva; problem solved.

[FactionHeir]

Didn't our resident Prole post somewhere a while ago that the guy she was dating told her, after learning of her religious beliefs, that he couldn't marry her because she'd go to hell? :laugh4:

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

Didn't our resident Prole post somewhere a while ago that the guy she was dating told her, after learning of her religious beliefs, that he couldn't marry her because she'd go to hell? :laugh4:

To be fair, I expect he found it deeply upsetting; at least I would hope so. Not great for Prole either, I would imagine.


I agree. I don't have a set preference for cup size either.


Having said that, I laff at all you silly religious folk. Uncontaminated by silly groupthink as the stern atheist I am, I will date any and all. I don't mind whether you not believe in either God, Allah or re-incarnation. :sneaky:

So you don't naturally gravitate towards a certain type of woman?

For reference, cup size is not a particular issue for me either.

Actually, you'd be surprised how easy it is to spot Christian women. As one of my friends complained, "where do you find all these girls", whilst toying with her crucifix.

[Sigurd]

Didn't our resident Prole post somewhere a while ago that the guy she was dating told her, after learning of her religious beliefs, that he couldn't marry her because she'd go to hell? :laugh4:
So .. She would go to hell because she married him, or regardless? Odd.. since marriage is until death (non LDS) which is pre-hell .. or *cough* :sweatdrop:

[FactionHeir]

As far as I understood her, regardless, because of her religion (his religion views adherents of other religions as false and thus going to hell)

[Andres]

I think you worry too much.

If I were you, I wouldn't limit myself to girls/women of the same/similar religion.

Just go out and fall in love.

Being comfortable and happy in a relationship is what's important.

Once you're in a relationship and get to know her better, it will probably point itself out if the religion thingy is important enough or not :shrug:

[KukriKhan]

I think you worry too much.

If I were you, I wouldn't limit myself to girls/women of the same/similar religion.

Just go out and fall in love.

Being comfortable and happy in a relationship is what's important.

Once you're in a relationship and get to know her better, it will probably point itself out if the religion thingy is important enough or not :shrug:

Or go to Iraq, where the Gov't will pay you to mix-marry (http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,532924,00.html?loomia_ow=t0:s0:a16:g4:r3:c0.000000:b-2:z0).

[Fragony]

I think you worry too much.

If I were you, I wouldn't limit myself to girls/women of the same/similar religion.

Just go out and fall in love.

Ya. Why bother with archaic customs of you have a nice girl sitting before/on you.

[Hax]

Speaking about mixed marriages (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v0thRUS1wUw), Dara Ó Briain has some things to say. Warning: some bad language

[Husar]

I don't really mind. Most of my girlfriends up until now were agnostic, and I've just become a Buddhist in november, so I don't mind. If I fall in love and would later discover she (or he, speaking theoretically) is religious I can't find any problem. Adding to that, I'm also from a mixed-marriage (Christian x Muslim) and my parents get along fine. My mother was raised in a Christian fashion and likes to quote from the Bible now and then, although she isn't really a Christian anymore. My father does pray five times a day.

Even so, if she insists Jesus/Mohammed/The Flying Spaghetti Monster/Al Gore is the saviour of all humans I can just declare him a Bodhisattva; problem solved.

I see, you're still in your religious orientation phase, not sure yet whether you're heteroreligious, homoreligious or even bi-religious but when you're sure what you want to be make sure to hide it.

Myself, I'm currently kinda agnostic but haven't told everybody, go to church still, have friends there etc. Also thought about this but I think with those rather religious girls at church there might be problems from their side, not from mine though, I really wouldn't mind most things except perhaps if she wanted to wear a burqa or an ugly headscarf or something like that I would have a problem with it, except if she looked as hot in it as some muslim girls do. :sweatdrop:

[Samurai Waki]

I grew up in a mixed religious house. My mom was a die hard Catholic, and my dad was borderline atheist (I would say agnostic, but I think it was more of a hope there might be a god, rather than a belief of one). Marriage lasted for 20 years, and that wasn't the reason for their eventual divorce.

I am agnostic, but my wife is Jewish. Seems to be working out fairly well so far.

[Meneldil]

From a die-hard non-religious people, this topic is freaking weird. As if I cared about someone's beliefs when I date her. If she pisses me off, then goodbye and good ridance, whether she's a believer or not. If she's nice and interesting, we'll probably get mad while discussing religion, so what?

I don't want to marry a robot who agrees with me on every topic, but an interesting and physically interesting girl.

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

From a die-hard non-religious people, this topic is freaking weird. As if I cared about someone's beliefs when I date her. If she pisses me off, then goodbye and good ridance, whether she's a believer or not. If she's nice and interesting, we'll probably get mad while discussing religion, so what?

I don't want to marry a robot who agrees with me on every topic, but an interesting and physically interesting girl.

Ok, would you marry a flat-Earther? Or an Anarchist? Would it be harder to live with a Vegan if you worked in a slaughter house?

I like my last eample best, actually I think that's the best comparison.

[Beskar]

The last one isn't so bad, it's only really bad if you are the Vegan and your partner works in the slaughterhouse, not the other way round.

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

The last one isn't so bad, it's only really bad if you are the Vegan and your partner works in the slaughterhouse, not the other way round.

You really think so? Being Vegan is an ideological lifestyle choice. You're right, it's much wprse for the Vegan, but how would you feel if you were the other one? Happy chowing down on stake while your partner screws her/his face up?

[HoreTore]

From a die-hard non-religious people, this topic is freaking weird. As if I cared about someone's beliefs when I date her. If she pisses me off, then goodbye and good ridance, whether she's a believer or not. If she's nice and interesting, we'll probably get mad while discussing religion, so what?

I don't want to marry a robot who agrees with me on every topic, but an interesting and physically interesting girl.

I'm the kind of guy who makes remarks and jokes about anything. For example, i made fun of my last ex for being a farmer, even though I'm a farmer myself....

The thing is, she didn't care about my anti-farmers rants, as it didn't really matter, and she laughed at the funny bits. However, religion is different. I sincerely doubt that any religious person would stand hearing my anti-[insert partners religion here] rants from 5 in the morning to midnight. And that being the case, I see no reason why I should involve myself with that kind of person; I already know it won't work, why waste my time?



Anyhoo, I'll be joining a monastery or turn gay anyway.... You can have your mood-swing bombs all to yourself...

[Meneldil]

Ok, would you marry a flat-Earther? Or an Anarchist? Would it be harder to live with a Vegan if you worked in a slaughter house?

I like my last eample best, actually I think that's the best comparison.

Thinking about it, yeah, I'd have a hard time dating a religious people, as long as religious meant 'trying to convert everybody to my generally conservative ideas'. Not that I would never do it by principle, but I'm pretty sure such a relationship would create too many issues for both partners. I'd often get mad at her, and she'd get mad at me, and we would quickly break up, or someone (not me) would have to make too many compromises.

Now, I've met another kind of religious people, who don't really give a fuss about what and how other people think, who don't think people they disagree with their ideas will go to hell and whatnot. I've met this crazy kind of religious people who mostly care about doing their stuff and making other people happy. I could actually talk to them, have an interesting discussion without thinking to myself 'Crap, he's going to bring up the Bible again'. And they probably didn't think 'Crap, he's going to tell me that god doesn't exist once again'. I wouldn't mind dating such a crazy person.

HoreTore, you're thinking that religious people are much more anal/serious about that part of this identity than for example, atheist. Well, I think we all have our touchy thing. While you made fun of your ex about her origins, I make fun of my current gf because she's a canadian and a native (ie. 'a crude and uneducated drunkard living on social aids'). She doesn't care about that, but I know there are some things she's quite touchy about (those things not being religion) and generally do not mention it. That's a compromise, and she does the same thing for me (making fun of me while avoiding touchy subject).
Now, honestly, I couldn't really compromise on religion, because it's something I've always despised, and that is strongly present in some of our societies. So yeah, dating a religious girl might be harder.

[Louis VI the Fat]

Religious people are much more anal. About that part: well, I think we all have our touchy thing.

My current gf, she's a canadian (ie. 'a crude and uneducated drunkard').

She doesn't care about that, but I know she's quite touchy, and I generally do not touch it. That's a compromise, and she does the same thing for me (avoiding touchy subject).

Now, honestly, I couldn't really compromise, it is strongly present. So yeah, while dating a religious girl it might be harder.Oh, do mind your language, you naughty, naughty boy! :no:


(Post slightly abridged for readability)

[Major Robert Dump]

People should stick to their own kind. Children of mixed religion couples will have a hard life and be subject to ridicule from other children. Mixing judeo-christian religions with lesser religions has dire consequences. I know a Catholic who married a Muslim and the baby was born with horns and goiter on its nose the size of a canteloupe. I know a Jew who dated a Mormon and they first time they had sex a giant Indian appeared and said he had a message from Jesus and the Mormon wouldn't get his free planet upon death, and the Jewish girl was disowned by her parents because God sent them a text telling them what she had done. I knew a Southern Baptist who married a regular Baptist, and one time they had sex while standing up against a wall and they were struck dead by God because God thought they were dancing. People should stick to their own kind.

[HoreTore]

HoreTore, you're thinking that religious people are much more anal/serious about that part of this identity than for example, atheist. Well, I think we all have our touchy thing. While you made fun of your ex about her origins, I make fun of my current gf because she's a canadian and a native (ie. 'a crude and uneducated drunkard living on social aids'). She doesn't care about that, but I know there are some things she's quite touchy about (those things not being religion) and generally do not mention it. That's a compromise, and she does the same thing for me (making fun of me while avoiding touchy subject).
Now, honestly, I couldn't really compromise on religion, because it's something I've always despised, and that is strongly present in some of our societies. So yeah, dating a religious girl might be harder.

No.

But I do believe that they're more anal about it than they are about whether they drink pepsi or coca-cola.

I really can't be with a girl who has touchy stuff though, I know I won't be able to restrain myself from making jokes about it.... Well she can have touchy stuff, but only if she's able to take my joking for what it is; a joke. And she has a good come-back. Then I'm in love :smitten:

@Major: :laugh4:

[Zim]

I think it depends on the individuals in question. For you, as you said, your beliefs on this subject are a huge part of who you are and how you view the world. Given how important those beliefs are to you, it isn't unreasonable that you'd want to share them with the person you'd be spending the rest of your life with.

For someone whose religious beliefs (or lack thereof) are a less important part of their life, or who has beliefs that don't make a claim to exclusivity, it might be less important, although most people likely have one or two beliefs they wouldn't be able to compromise on...

Prior to marrying my wife and I had a long talk about our beliefs and issues we thought might lead to conflict, and what we could and couldn't compromise on (very little in the former category as it turned out...). I can't help but think our marriage has gone smoother as a result.

[lars573]

My brother married a Jehovas Whitness girl. We 3 were raised CofE. No problems other than the holiday birthday stuff. Although that may have more to do with the Ironlady (my ma) than anything.

[rvg]

A long time ago I dated a Jewish chick. Our different religious backgrounds were never a problem. As long as neither side is fanatical about their religion, it will never be an issue.

[Ibn-Khaldun]

Must say that it's nice to live in Estonia. Religion is not that important when two people meet. People use their head and not some "holy book" to make their decisions. This is why I do this >:wall:< when ever I hear some religious problems of other countries.

I do know a couple who started as normal couple but got divorced because she later turned into fanatical Jehovas Witness. She spent her days reading the Bible and almost didn't care about her two sons. Also, she started forcing her beliefs on her sons and other people they knew. And this is really really bad in my opinion. :thumbsdown:

[LittleGrizzly]

Im not ruling out anyone, the fanatics, the scientologists or the terrorists....

Aslong as i didn't have to be lectured by my partner on thier religion they can believe in unicorns for all i care...

Infact thinking on it I think i have only dated Atheists (i think they just didn't care that wasn't thier own label) i would like to get some variety in there. Also we could have much more entertaining discussions and then maybe great make up sex afterwards... if i try and dicuss religion with my friend whose probably on the same place in the Atheist scale the conversation doesn't really get much further than a few sentences...

[Aemilius Paulus]

A long time ago I dated a Jewish chick. Our different religious backgrounds were never a problem. As long as neither side is fanatical about their religion, it will never be an issue.
Eventually though, in a deeper relationship, in times of hardship or in a marriage, it will become an issue. Covering up, ignoring, and sweeping the issue under the rug will not work.

[HoreTore]

in times of hardship or in a marriage

What's the "or" doing there?

[rvg]

Eventually though, in a deeper relationship, in times of hardship or in a marriage, it will become an issue. Covering up, ignoring, and sweeping the issue under the rug will not work.

Very true. Which is why I married into the same culture and religion as my own.

[Aemilius Paulus]

What's the "or" doing there?
Heh, sorry, should have phrased it differently :sweatdrop:. It is given that a marriage will have times of hardship, emotional, financial, etc or more likely, all of them. That post of mine quoted another post, which was speaking of the person's girlfriend. So I said that when they have a hard time, religion may pop up. Or when they/someone else marry/marries.

[HoreTore]

Heh, sorry, should have phrased it differently :sweatdrop:. It is given that a marriage will have times of hardship, emotional, financial, etc or more likely, all of them. That post of mine quoted another post, which was speaking of the person's girlfriend. So I said that when they have a hard time, religion may pop up. Or when they/someone else marry/marries.

Marriage: the best way to kill off any relationship.

[rvg]

Marriage: the best way to kill off any relationship.

Results may vary.

[drone]

Marriage: the best way to kill off any relationship.

A man is not complete until he is married, then he is finished. :clown:

[Kagemusha]

A man is not complete until he is married, then he is finished. :clown:

So should we conclude that getting married is self destructive behaviour in the first place? With a bit of thought, that makes kind of sense.:laugh4:

[HoreTore]

A man is not complete until he is married, then he is finished. :clown:

Black is the colour of sorrow and funerals. White is the colour of hope and happy occasions.

Ever wondered why the bride dresses in white, while the groom is in black? :inquisitive:

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

Black is the colour of sorrow and funerals. White is the colour of hope and happy occasions.

Ever wondered why the bride dresses in white, while the groom is in black? :inquisitive:

Traditionally, at a white wedding, the Groom is in a grey suit with a natty wasitcoat.:beam:

The modern penchant for evening dress in the morning is merely an aberation.

[Askthepizzaguy]

I couldn't be with anyone who thinks that you must believe in something supernatural or else you are automatically evil regardless of how you actually behave. I couldn't be with someone who thinks that their religious beliefs are undisputed facts that I have to acknowledge or agree with. I couldn't be with someone who does something I find appalling and gives as the only reason "because it is tradition" or "because God said so". Most of the people I have dated have held some religious belief. It doesn't become a problem unless they try to force me to agree with their belief.

I don't believe in ghosts. If the person I date believes they once saw a ghost, it doesn't bother me. I don't believe in luck. If someone I date holds a superstition that they have to carry around a lucky penny, it doesn't bother me. I don't believe in astrology. If the person I date believes that the stars have somehow aligned and we are destined to be together, it doesn't bother me. I don't believe in psychics. It the person I date wants to watch tv shows about psychic readings, it doesn't bother me.

It would bother me if I was told I was evil for not believing in ghosts.
It would bother me if I was told I was burning in hell for not carrying a lucky penny.
It would bother me if I was told that astrology is proven fact.

When there is no option for "some disagree", there is no option for a healthy relationship. Unless of course you agree on everything, and good luck with that.

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

I couldn't be with anyone who thinks that you must believe in something supernatural or else you are automatically evil regardless of how you actually behave. I couldn't be with someone who thinks that their religious beliefs are undisputed facts that I have to acknowledge or agree with. I couldn't be with someone who does something I find appalling and gives as the only reason "because it is tradition" or "because God said so". Most of the people I have dated have held some religious belief. It doesn't become a problem unless they try to force me to agree with their belief.

I don't believe in ghosts. If the person I date believes they once saw a ghost, it doesn't bother me. I don't believe in luck. If someone I date holds a superstition that they have to carry around a lucky penny, it doesn't bother me. I don't believe in astrology. If the person I date believes that the stars have somehow aligned and we are destined to be together, it doesn't bother me. I don't believe in psychics. It the person I date wants to watch tv shows about psychic readings, it doesn't bother me.

It would bother me if I was told I was evil for not believing in ghosts.
It would bother me if I was told I was burning in hell for not carrying a lucky penny.
It would bother me if I was told that astrology is proven fact.

When there is no option for "some disagree", there is no option for a healthy relationship. Unless of course you agree on everything, and good luck with that.

So, you're saying your intollerant of intollerance?

Could you be with someone who believed the world was flat?

[Askthepizzaguy]

So, you're saying your intollerant of intollerance?

I'm intolerant of certain forms of intolerance. Tolerating murder or rape is unacceptable. Tolerating gay people or other races is entirely different.


Could you be with someone who believed the world was flat?

If they recognized that there was absolutely no evidence of that, and there was insurmountable evividence to the contrary. Then it would be a form of religion, which as I said, I tolerate. That belief is no different than the belief, in spite of evidence to the contrary, that the world is 6000 years old, or the belief, in spite of evidence to the contrary, that homosexuality is against nature. Belief in something based on no evidence and in spite of evidence is how we separate religion from science.

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

If they recognized that there was absolutely no evidence of that, and there was insurmountable evividence to the contrary. Then it would be a form of religion, which as I said, I tolerate. That belief is no different than the belief, in spite of evidence to the contrary, that the world is 6000 years old, or the belief, in spite of evidence to the contrary, that homosexuality is against nature. Belief in something based on no evidence and in spite of evidence is how we separate religion from science.

Why do you always default to the Dawkins Delusion? I suggest you read the book of the same name by Alistair McGrath, he's a Doctor of Theology at Oxford and, unlike Dawkins, a serious biologist.

[Askthepizzaguy]

Why do you always default to the Dawkins Delusion?

Pardon? What is the "Dawkins Delusion" and why do you characterize me as "always defaulting to" it?


I suggest you read the book of the same name by Alistair McGrath, he's a Doctor of Theology at Oxford and, unlike Dawkins, a serious biologist.

When did I mention Dawkins and what does this have to do with mixed-religion relationships?

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

Pardon? What is the "Dawkins Delusion" and why do you characterize me as "always defaulting to" it?

When did I mention Dawkins and what does this have to do with mixed-religion relationships?

You default to Dawkins' view of religion, and Christianity in particular.

You see, I would find it impossible to be in a relationship with someone who thought the world was flat, or that it was 6,000 years old because such beliefs represent a refusal to accept what is right in front of you. Neither are actually religious beliefs, nor is religion a rejection of rational thought or evidence.

The belief that religion is these things is at the centre of the Darkins Delusion.

[Askthepizzaguy]

You default to Dawkins' view of religion, and Christianity in particular.

I default to my own view. Would it surprise you to know I am not a Dawkins fanboy?


You see, I would find it impossible to be in a relationship with someone who thought the world was flat, or that it was 6,000 years old because such beliefs represent a refusal to accept what is right in front of you.

Okay.


Neither are actually religious beliefs, nor is religion a rejection of rational thought or evidence.
Depends on the religion.


The belief that religion is these things is at the centre of the Darkins Delusion.

Religion can be these things. People do in fact believe the world is 6000 or 4000 years old and cite their religion as reason. They even create museums showing how people used to ride dinosaurs, and describe how it is a historical fact that an elderly man gathered 2 of every one of the billions of species on the planet into a rickety barge, and then somehow redistributed them across the globe such that there were marsupials in one area and not in others, penguins in antarctica, and polar bears in the arctic, and a radical division in the gene pool between the Americas and the Eurasian/African continents. It must have taken him a while to walk all across the globe.

Refusal to accept what is right in front of you is a very, very common theme when it comes to religious faith, for many, many people. Common sense, rational thought, evidence... none of these come into play when you're discussing a commitment to a mythology which is discredited by casual observation, which is an aspect of religion for billions of people.

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

Religion can be these things. People do in fact believe the world is 6000 or 4000 years old and cite their religion as reason. They even create museums showing how people used to ride dinosaurs, and describe how it is a historical fact that an elderly man gathered 2 of every one of the billions of species on the planet into a rickety barge, and then somehow redistributed them across the globe such that there were marsupials in one area and not in others, penguins in antarctica, and polar bears in the arctic, and a radical division in the gene pool between the Americas and the Eurasian/African continents. It must have taken him a while to walk all across the globe.

Refusal to accept what is right in front of you is a very, very common theme when it comes to religious faith, for many, many people. Common sense, rational thought, evidence... none of these come into play when you're discussing a commitment to a mythology which is discredited by casual observation, which is an aspect of religion for billions of people.

These are all minority beliefs, tarring the better part of 2 billion people with a very specific version of one faith is just ignorant. Now, I have made this point time and again and you continue to ignore me.

I think frankly, you are the one who refuses to accept what is right in front of you.

I started a topic about people's varying beliefs and how far people are willing to compromise and why. I specifically didn't mention my own actual beliefs in detail, I didn't talk a great deal about Christian philosophy or doctrine.

I never mentioned evil or hell.

So I think you should ask yourself why you insist on dragging this topic down into the dirt.

I respectfully ask the Mods to consider whether this topic should be locked now, before it goes any further.

[Aemilius Paulus]

I respectfully ask the Mods to consider whether this topic should be locked now, before it goes any further.
Or just ask the mods to delete ATPG's posts, as I would hate to see the thread go. And of course, you are absolutely correct in this argument IMHO.

And really, there should be no IMHO. I study religions and theology too, although of course not on your level, and have taken college classes on them. No serious theologian make ATPG's claims. Huston Smith and Joseph Campbell, with their comparative religions books never mention that.

[A Terribly Harmful Name]

Howdy, there's a guy named Dawkins who's probably the inspiration for him, as for all canned reply Atheists.

[Reenk Roink]

To just hook up for a short period (an hour or more but nothing long term) I don't really care what she would believe as long as it's not being talked about or something (unless I agree with her and even then I hope she wouldn't talk about it all the time). Of course, exceptions exist if it's different from my beliefs and seems crazy to me.

For a long term relationship/marriage I would probably expect to connect on a deeper level and there are definitely some metaphysical and ethical foundations I expect her to share with me.


Belief in something based on no evidence and in spite of evidence is how we separate religion from science.

This is one of the weakest attempts to distinguish and demarcate science and religion...


I suggest you read the book of the same name by Alistair McGrath, he's a Doctor of Theology at Oxford and, unlike Dawkins, a serious biologist.

Well, while I think Dawkins foray's into philosophy and theology are quite poor and shallow, I don't think he cannot be called a serious biologist. Also, isn't McGrath a chemist (maybe a biochemist)?

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

Well, while I think Dawkins foray's into philosophy and theology are quite poor and shallow, I don't think he cannot be called a serious biologist. Also, isn't McGrath a chemist (maybe a biochemist)?

McGrath, Biochemist and Biologist. http://users.ox.ac.uk/~mcgrath/biography.html

Richard Dawkins: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Dawkins

As far as I can see, Dawkins is really more of a sociologist for animals than a nuts-and-bolts biologist.

[Rhyfelwyr]

ATPG, I see where you are coming from and all, but I think you have got into a bit of a habit of telling people what they believe. I have noticed sometimes atheists have this tendency where they think they know all the 'correct' theology/beliefs of any given religion, and then if they meet a person of the said religion that doesn't agree with them, they tell them that they are not really following their religion properly. Such attitudes aren't going to help establish any sort of useful dialogue between religious/non-religious folk, and it is insulting to people who genuinely try to follow what the belive their religion entails.

For example, remember the issue of annihilationism that came up when we were discussing before (for those wondering, this is the belief that people do not burn in hell forever, but are totally destroyed after 'paying' for their sins). This isn't some liberal notion I made up in my head because I like it, it is in fact a belief held by some of the most conservative Protestant groups, and is picking up ground in the more mainstream ones today. My belief in this comes from studying things such as the nature of the Jewish sacrifices, the comments relating to it that Jesus makes in his parables, other verses from several NT books, and the nature of Christ's sacrifice on the cross. But then, instead of listening to this, you just applaud my 'free thought' and say well done for not really following your religion, and somehow you know this because you read a footnote in the Skeptics Annotated Bible or whatever. I've seen this same thing recently in other forums as well, for example people telling Chrisitans they are ignoring parts of their religion if they eat pork... no matter how much our position is explained to them, they just ignore it completely.

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

Look if, you two want to go at it, please just do it in another topic. This debate was just nausiating last time.

[rvg]

Yeah, religion is really a personal matter of a believer and just like there are no two identical people, there are no two identical believers. I, for example, do not believe in Hell. Plain and simple. Yeah, it goes against the traditional Christian doctrine, but I don't care.

[Rhyfelwyr]

Look if, you two want to go at it, please just do it in another topic. This debate was just nausiating last time.

I am not debating doctrines, just asking why people always think they know what Christians should believe...