Getting x-rayed or getting felt up, which should I choose?

[drone]

So circumstances beyond my control are going to force me to use public air travel for the first time in ages next month (fortunately not around Thanksgiving). My airport choices of egress are either BWI or Washington-Dulles, both of which have installed the millimeter-wave/backscatter x-ray body scanners recently. Don't go through the pornoscope, and you have to be felt up by the TSA JBTs.

So here is my chance to stand up for the little man and denounce all this for the security theatre it is. My first choice is to decline the scanner and ask for the pat-down, preferably in a manner that will embarrass the lucky man who gets to reach second base. I prefer the frisking since I know only 1 person will have access to the "result", I don't really want to be x-rayed by a machine that hasn't been checked out medically, it takes more effort by the TSA, and it's a public display of what we have become. But I am asking the Backroom for other suggestions (that will not get me arrested or put on the No Fly List). I intend on showing up early, so a short delay shouldn't be a problem.

And, yes, I have given serious thought to the Derek Smalls route. :yes:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wRpWnK6Rg3E

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

Get felt up, on the grounds that the x-ray may be harmful for your health.

Afterwards, ask for the guy's number - then don't call.

[Strike For The South]

Say you just want the warm touch of another person and grab his wrist and smile

[Vladimir]

Why can't we have both? Seriously.

[Devastatin Dave]

I'm going to moan and pant while they do it....

[Louis VI the Fat]

Be sure to eat lots of beans and chili dog the evening before.

[A Nerd]

Get felt up. Could you take a train instead?

[Xiahou]

Tell them that, as a homosexual, you are very uncomfortable having your genitals patted down by a strange man. But a strange woman.... :idea2:

[Beskar]

Wear a big sock as you go in for the x-ray. That would make them feel really inadequate.

[Ronin]

fake an orgasm.

[rory_20_uk]

I'm with Dave on this one.

~:smoking:

[drone]

Anybody know where I can get a Janet Napolitano t-shirt? That and a Speedo might be the dress code of the day.

[Crazed Rabbit]

I hear kilts without underpants are the new airport fashion.

CR

[Fragony]

Tough decision, why can't you do both

[Vladimir]

Tough decision, why can't you do both

That's what I'm saying! Embrace change people. It's going to embrace you so you might as well get something out of it. :shrug:

[drone]

I suppose I could request both, I'm not sure how the TSA guys would react to that.

If I'm going through the machine, I think I'm going to spell out some naughty words on my body with metallic ducting tape. On the other hand, if I take the pat-down, I'll ask the guy if his union has looked into what the long-term health effects of standing around that machine all day long are.

[A Nerd]

Do both. Just don't let the pat down excite you!

[HoreTore]

1. Imagine GF/other hawt woman naked
2. Get super-boner
3. Position penis at an awkard angle away from its natural position
4. Go for the patting
5. When the security guard touches your penis and asks what you got there, you daisy-ing WIN!!!!

[Xiahou]

Ask them if they're singling you out because you're a Muslim.

[Megas Methuselah]

You guys are hilarious.

[Ronin]

Ask them if they're singling you out because you're a Muslim.

http://www.alig4real.co.uk/images/main_ali_g_04.jpg
iz it cuz i is black?? :P

[Hosakawa Tito]

Wear a burka and demand an exemption.

[Fragony]

Wear a burka and demand an exemption.

Better to wear a burqa and bring your own gloves, insisting they are halal.

But, do they really have the right to feel you up like a criminal??? Sometimes I really love living in my little swamp.

[HoreTore]

Better to wear a burqa and bring your own gloves, insisting they are halal.

But, do they really have the right to feel you up like a criminal??? Sometimes I really love living in my little swamp.

Yes, because it makes us all "secure".

....which, of course, is a bunch of bull :daisy:, they fail miserably every single time a paper tries to smuggle something. We spend billions on something that doesn't affect real life whatsoever, we might as well burn the money. "Always on, never on" is how the world works.

[Vladimir]

I suppose I could request both, I'm not sure how the TSA guys would react to that.

If I'm going through the machine, I think I'm going to spell out some naughty words on my body with metallic ducting tape. On the other hand, if I take the pat-down, I'll ask the guy if his union has looked into what the long-term health effects of standing around that machine all day long are.

http://thestir.cafemom.com/beauty_style/107031/travel_pasties_for_your_privates

[drone]

But, do they really have the right to feel you up like a criminal??? Sometimes I really love living in my little swamp.
Welcome to the new land of the free. :rolleyes:

This is what happens when politicians are allowed to use irrational fear to cow the populace. Even Krauthammer (http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/11/18/AR2010111804494.html?hpid=opinionsbox1) is calling bs, fer chrissakes.

[HoreTore]

Krauthammer

HOLY HELL

That's a real persons name?? Sounds like a nazi in a monty python sketch....

[Fragony]

Yes, because it makes us all "secure".

....which, of course, is a bunch of bull :daisy:, they fail miserably every single time a paper tries to smuggle something. We spend billions on something that doesn't affect real life whatsoever, we might as well burn the money. "Always on, never on" is how the world works.

Security is an illusion, it's simply not possible never will be. They are idiots for doing this, most of all because political correctness will most likely kill the very purpose, I am 100% sure no muslima will have to endure this, leaves you with nitwits who do something just because they can

[Furunculus]

hopefully this video will help answer the dilemma:

http://defense-and-freedom.blogspot.com/2010/11/about-body-scanners.html

[Ja'chyra]

http://www.party-world.co.uk/product.php?prodid=3116#Trouser+Expander

[HoreTore]

hopefully this video will help answer the dilemma:

http://defense-and-freedom.blogspot.com/2010/11/about-body-scanners.html

Hah, excellent!

Btw, I remember the pilots were angry because they had go through the same security measures passengers had to. Why on earth a pilot would bother to smuggle a weapon when they have a freakin' axe as standard equipment in the cockpit is beyond me, but it seems to make sense to the lobotomized....

[SwordsMaster]

Well, that, and they're FLYING the plane. It seems to be beyond the point where a pilot might want to endanger the public. Twice.

I say go for a pat-down, but stuff a sock in those speedos.

[Devastatin Dave]

HOLY HELL

That's a real persons name?? Sounds like a nazi in a monty python sketch....

He's Jewish. You should Wiki him, he's very interesting.

[Hosakawa Tito]

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v517/hoppy84/RHPS-FrankSmockGlove.jpg

Sure you don't want the body scanner?