View Full Version : Why do nice girls date guys who are jerks?
Hooahguy
08-26-2011, 01:47
Why do such nice girls go out with such complete :daisy:s?
[ You can have a legitimate discussion about this without leaning towards a personal attack - Sec ]
Papewaio
08-26-2011, 01:53
Because most people would prefer a second hand BMW that has been test driven to a brand new Prius. :coffeenews:
Montmorency
08-26-2011, 02:03
Because their saliva is compatible?
a completely inoffensive name
08-26-2011, 03:02
Ok so heres the situation: so where I work there are two very pretty girls. Lets call them Red and Greene. Now, I had Green "in my sights." Then comes this other guy, who makes out with Red, and then the next day makes out with Green and now they are dating. Clearly such a person is a jerk, so why do such nice girls go out with such complete :daisy:s?
Because he has a bigger package than you.
Hooahguy
08-26-2011, 03:06
Because he has a bigger package than you.
Touche sir, touche.
Rhyfelwyr
08-26-2011, 03:25
How do you know they are nice girls?
I was going to reply in disgust. But, why bother when someone has explained it better than me.
Compliments on the site.
While I don't agree with *all* of the material you've got, your section on 'Nice Guys' had a lot of very good stuff. At the risk of speculating on the inner workings of the female mind, I'd like to offer my theory on the whole nice-guy issue:
The vast majority of women don't want nice guys.
That's right. Sorry, guys who were hoping to get lucky by rescuing puppies and listening to Yanni, you're in trouble.
Women don't want nice guys. In my experience, with friends, partners, and other interactions, they like *KIND* guys. The difference is a subtle one, but it's important.
'Niceness' is a set of completely superficial behaviors that boils down to 'being inoffensive.' Someone can be a 'nice :balloon2:' just as easily as a caustic :balloon2:. Niceness also comes along for the ride with kindness in many cases, but is motivated by genuine care for others regardless of how it 'pays off.'
My experience has been that most of the deeply embittered 'nice guys' are just as self-centered as the jerks they gripe about; they just don't have the balls to weather rejection from healthy women while playing the numbers game, hitting on women until one responds favorably.
If your goal is to 'get' a girl, and you're trying to accomplish it by being a nice guy, you are being very inefficient. If your goal is to form long-lasting relationships with people you care about, and possibly have a romantic relationship with them, well, kindness is a quality to cultivate.
It's about motivation, really.
^^
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K3CHi_9sxj0
Peasant Phill
08-26-2011, 11:41
Jerks have generally more confidence. It's as simple as that without going into antropology.
What Peasant Phill and Psycho say, really.
The nice guy is all about self pitty and no confidence. In a way they are as egocentric as the jerk, but are to lazy to try to get some and thus go out hating the world for the fact they don't get any.
Before you can love someone else, you've got to love yourself (and I don't mean your right or left hand). 'The jerk' is very good at that. But of course they are to big of a jerk for long time relationships and the likes.
Hooahguy
08-26-2011, 14:08
Mission accomplished.
Mission accomplished.
Thanks for proving my point.
LeftEyeNine
08-26-2011, 14:32
Oh Pooah guy...
Ze jerks are demanding. They want someone and go for it. Women, through ages and definitely still on nature's command, respond to demands. They exist to be picked, chosen, shown off for to date/mate.
Ze women who go after money, cars, or whatever nice guys blame women to be drooling for with a man are yet another example of how nature still is dictating them: Go after the physical environment that will ensure the continuation of your species via the most powerful "vehicle" possible. Of course majority of such women are not dreaming of having babies with those guys but the rule of the attraction still is there administering women subliminally.
Ze jerks are playful, chaotic, demanding and in most cases polygamic which ensures the female of his must-be manly qualities seeing he had attracted other females already.
Ze nice guys always bear the habit of "oh how would she react to this ? may she think i'm an :daisy:, oh boy, better be keeping it as where I am now" aaaaaand...Tada ! Ze jerk is the winner.
The physical beauty of women generally rings bells of innocence and a sturdy will to stay so whereas women hardly fall under such characteristics.
9 cents. :bow:
Strike For The South
08-26-2011, 14:34
women don't go for jerks, some girls may confuse and conflatre aggresive bravado as confidence but women don't tend to date jerks,
However one can be confident and assertive without being a jerk.
stratigos vasilios
08-26-2011, 14:46
I would imagine it'd be a fantasy of 'taming' a wild boy.
That's horse rubbish, Psychonaut's post is bulletproof: all about confidence...
Kagemusha
08-26-2011, 16:10
Strike is right. You can be "nice" and still have self confidence. There is difference between an egomaniac and someone with healthy self esteem.
Centurion1
08-26-2011, 18:19
It hasn't changed for the thousands of years we have had society. Phaophtet in ancient Egypt still got all the girls. It wasn't that he was a jerk or that he treated other people like crap it was because he had balls the size of the Pyramids of Giza. Confidence = subconscious desire of women to want to be with you. Reverse applies usually as well. Like overly submissive and meek girls turn me off since I'm loud and social. If you act like you deserve to be with a woman even when shes more attractive than she will just think that you are an equal and deserve her. Plus an individual has to follow a swing till you connect policy. There is no striking out you can take a swing as often as you want. The only thing holding someone back is themselves.
Hosakawa Tito
08-26-2011, 22:51
That's horse rubbish, Psychonaut's post is bulletproof: all about confidence...
Actually, it's more about this part:
If your goal is to 'get' a girl, and you're trying to accomplish it by being a nice guy, you are being very inefficient. If your goal is to form long-lasting relationships with people you care about, and possibly have a romantic relationship with them, well, kindness is a quality to cultivate.
It's about motivation, really.
I replied about what girls look for :)
Reenk Roink
08-26-2011, 23:07
Eh, it's been done before Hooah. :snobby:
ELITEofWARMANGINGERYBREADMEN88
08-27-2011, 00:52
Why would you care if they date jerks? Keep looking for the "right" girl and you be OK!
Drunk Clown
08-27-2011, 00:56
Why would you care if they date jerks? Keep looking for the "right" girl and you be OK!
How's that working out for you?
ELITEofWARMANGINGERYBREADMEN88
08-27-2011, 00:57
How's that working out for you?
Got some prospects. :yes:
Peasant Phill
08-27-2011, 01:25
Got some prospects. :yes:
Don't we all.
This is actually an extremely complicated question and isn't applicable to all women. But for at least some women, they're not just attracted to confidence, but they're also turned off by the appearance of being desperate. Whether you're on the 5th date with a girl you're seriously interested in, or just trying to hook up with some girl you see at a bar, if the lady senses that you're willing to do whatever it takes to have her, that can be a serious turn off.
Contrary to popular belief, most women don't want to be the center of your effort and attention. They want to be with someone who has life goals and ambitions beyond getting a woman. If they (women) sense that they are the most important thing to you, they lose interest fast (unless they are extremely needy and lacking in self-esteem). Most women want to be with someone who is capable of rejecting them, at least initially. If the relationship turns into love, their expectations will change; but when first getting to know a guy, a woman wants someone who is attentive and interested in them, but not desperate for them.
Obviously, the male's self-confidence is going to play into this a lot, but it's not just about that. Hope this helps.
Centurion1
08-27-2011, 01:30
Eh, it's been done before Hooah. :snobby:
Most overdone topic on the webz after cats
Rhyfelwyr
08-27-2011, 01:35
Plus 'nice guy' tends to have a pretty specific meaning from what I understand... is it not the guys that just become casual friends with girls when they hope it will turn into more?
That's not even a nice thing to do, its a bit deceitful.
Note jerks will not have great relationships most of the time, but they'll have one night stands.
The kind and confident guy will have those however. The sad but nice guy rarely does too, but will not get the one night stand.
However if a girl really likes you from the get go, it all may not matter either. But those moments are very rare.
Hosakawa Tito
08-27-2011, 10:54
Showing kindness, respect, and a desire to build caring long term relationships is it's own reward. None of us can control our feelings, but we can control how we think. Holding someone elses feelings, or in this case, lack of romantic feelings, against them is selfish.
Cute Wolf
08-27-2011, 12:17
well, it's quite weird, but it was indeed ironic
(just try to be a jerk a bit, after get a girl, back to yer good natured originals then)
A must read for "Nice Guys" for a greater understanding:
Do not click if easily offended (http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/ng.shtml)
Explains the subject title of "Why do nice girls date guys who are jerks?" within the content as well.
Lately I tried not to be a nice guy and that girl hasn't spoken to me in three weeks, just saying.
LeftEyeNine
08-28-2011, 01:38
Lately I tried not to be a nice guy and that girl hasn't spoken to me in three weeks, just saying.
You couldn't even do that ? >:|
*force-facepalms himself so the action never ends*
ELITEofWARMANGINGERYBREADMEN88
08-29-2011, 13:59
You couldn't even do that ? >:|
*force-facepalms himself so the action never ends*
Faceplam + this music
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZB6WXDuM1g
You couldn't even do that ? >:|
*force-facepalms himself so the action never ends*
What? Obviously it worked quite well. :laugh4:
Maybe the jerks aren't really jerks and the "nice guys" are just jealous :shrug:
It's not my fault that I have a fantastic personality, look good, have an excellent sense of humour, am good at conversations, have a good paying job, refined taste and a superior intellect :smug:
Somebody has to be the alpha male :smug:
"Jerks" is the word that shy guys use to describe guys with a lot of self-confidence. Women, in general, prefer confident men. Grow a pair, stop being awkward, and get out there and be social. If you do, you'll find you'll have no difficulty in getting the attention of women. Then all the shy guys can call you a jerk and you won't care because you've got a date.
Though there is the whole mannerism though, I am going to be brief on the details (and no, it is not Secura) but this girl called me a puritan once because I didn't make references to my manhood or sex constantly. Then they started dating some one who kept messaging her things about wanting her to drink from a pot of "sperm tea" and cover her buns in "icing" at least 3 times a day. I don't consider myself the one who lost out there.
It isn't the case of a collective grouping of women being assaulted by two sets of guys known as the jerks and the niceguys. There is massive variation in personalities and personality differences.
It isn't the case of a collective grouping of women being assaulted by two sets of guys known as the jerks and the niceguys. There is massive variation in personalities and personality differences.
This is absolutely true. My post was a generalization, as the OP was itself a generalization.
Centurion1
08-29-2011, 17:28
yeah that just sounds like someone with a semen fetish. im imagining someone saying all that with some form of a british accent...... funnier that way lol.
also. clever link i chuckled.
Personally i'm very open sexually and not very shy about it since its something the majority of my peers make a priority in their lives so why not talk about it lol. While I am about as far from a prude as you possible I don't go around saying things like your man beskar....... thats beyond disrespectful it just sounds creepy.....
Strike For The South
08-29-2011, 17:28
Though there is the whole mannerism though, I am going to be brief on the details (http://and no, it is not Secura) but this girl called me a puritan once because I didn't make references to my manhood or sex constantly. Then they started dating some one who kept messaging her things about wanting her to drink from a pot of "sperm tea" and cover her buns in "icing" at least 3 times a day. I don't consider myself the one who lost out there.
It isn't the case of a collective grouping of women being assaulted by two sets of guys known as the jerks and the niceguys. There is massive variation in personalities and personality differences.
Speak for yourself
Methinks Hooahguy has more than a touch of the green-eyed monster. Although I in my infinite wisdom and maturity, at least in relation to Frontroom threads about teh crazy wimmenz, am able to to exactly identify everything that is wrong with Hooah's sentiment, HBI put it far better than I would ever be able to:
I get letters from self-professed Nice Guys, complaining that women must WANT to be treated like ****, because THEY, the "Nice Guy" have failed repeatedly in relationships. This is akin to the false logic that "Whales are mammals. Whales live in the sea. Therefore, all mammals live in the sea."
If you have one bad relationship after another, the only common denominator is YOU. Think about it.
What's wrong with Nice Guys? The biggest problem is that most Nice Guys (tm) are hideously insecure. They are so anxious to be liked and loved that they do things for other people to gain acceptance and attention, rather than for the simply pleasure of giving. You never know if a Nice Guy really likes you for who you are, or if he has glommed onto you out of desperation because you actually paid some kind of attention to him.
...
This ultimately boils down to the fact that Nice Guys don't like themselves. Is it any wonder women don't like them? In order to truly love someone else, you must first love yourself. Too often Nice Guys mistake obsession for "love". You don't have to be an ego-inflated, arrogant jerk. You just have to LIKE yourself. You have to know what you want out of life, and go after it. Only then will you be attractive to the kind of woman with whom a long-term relationship is possible.
Mildly NSFW - http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/niceguys.shtml
Philippus Flavius Homovallumus
08-30-2011, 22:08
Methinks Hooahguy has more than a touch of the green-eyed monster. Although I in my infinite wisdom and maturity, at least in relation to Frontroom threads about teh crazy wimmenz, am able to to exactly identify everything that is wrong with Hooah's sentiment, HBI put it far better than I would ever be able to:
Mildly NSFW - http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/niceguys.shtml
Yeah, I'm a Good Guy, not a Nice Guy - I can be rude and abrasive at the best of times - but I have come to accept that I am incapable of forming relationships with women on an intimate level.
Hooah should do the same.
I quote:
"Get this Guys: INSECURITY ISN'T SEXY. IT'S A TURNOFF."
Personally i'm very open sexually and not very shy about it since its something the majority of my peers make a priority in their lives so why not talk about it lol. While I am about as far from a prude as you possible I don't go around saying things like your man beskar....... thats beyond disrespectful it just sounds creepy.....
Yup, that is what I don't get. Sure, there is a time and place for sexual remarks but when it is in the middle of the afternoon or at some civilized hour, you don't spam a girls telephone with those sort of comments.
On that note, don't answer a girls phone for her especially when they get sent such messages. I did once accidentally and well, that is how I know those messages were sent.
I quote:
"Get this Guys: INSECURITY ISN'T SEXY. IT'S A TURNOFF."
Extrapolation:
Women are turned off by the nice guy. While most healthy women don’t want someone who is going to be mean to them, there’s a difference between being kind and being a disgusting wussy.
In my first relationship, I was a disgusting wussy. You know that guy, the one who says “Is everything okay with you? Are you sure? Are you really really sure?”
He avoids conflict at all costs. He wants everything to be smooth. Not only does this person lack honesty in the relationship, but he lacks all backbone and any thoughts and feelings of his own. He’s a wet blanket, not a person.
I was the nice nice nice guy. And I also had huge approach anxiety. These two are related.
Part of approach anxiety is a strong tendency to avoid conflict. You don’t want to BOTHER the girl. You wouldn’t be able to handle it if you did something to make her not like you.
Or if, God forbid, you creeped her out? It would take you weeks to get over it.
It doesn’t take a brain surgeon to realize that relationships are about two independent people coming together out of strength rather than out a of desire to feel good about helping some other person.
Being super nice can kill attraction in seconds. Attraction is based on a push/pull. A bit of teasing. Show the girl that you are willing to lose her. Make her take responsibility for her half of the interaction. She wants to be challenged!
Instead, the nice guy wears insecurity on his sleeve without knowing it. He sees it as a badge of honor for why he doesn’t succeed with women. He clings to it to cover the pain of failure.
It’s good to be nice to women. But hoping that meekness will attract women is a fallacy. Niceness on this magnitude is read by women as overcompensation for not having balls. It is overcompensation for not being willing to take true risks.
Strike For The South
09-08-2011, 15:10
Most of this insecurity stems from being socialy retarded. Most men who are perpetually single are
1. Terribly out of shape
2. Unable to carry on a conversation
3. Unpresentable in polite company
All of this other stuff is really inconsequntial and moot conidering if you can't connect with people
1. Terribly out of shape
Aesthetics only assist in opening and increasing your margin of error.
Strike For The South
09-08-2011, 19:18
Aesthetics only assist in opening and increasing your margin of error.
Well what else is there son?
SwordsMaster
09-08-2011, 20:53
Even easier: there are people who would rather be sorry they did, and there are those who'd rather be sorry they didn't. One of them will get the girl.
Well what else is there son?
Closing?
Strike For The South
09-09-2011, 17:04
Closing?
COFFEE IS FOR CLOSERS
Cute Wolf
09-10-2011, 21:26
and I wonder if "Green" actually read this thread :D
https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showthread.php?137599-So-I-was-called-a-slut
and then this
just recently, from FB, PI being listed as "single" again, you can look on his FB page
Prussian to the Iron
09-10-2011, 21:56
Because if you're always available and willing to drop anything to be with a girl, and she knows it, you get put at the bottom of the list. If she thinks that she only has one chance to get you, because you act like a jerk who doesn't need them, then they will want to go out with you right then.
For the same reason as I don't smother one of my little brothers with love: he's the only one who always hugs me goodnight and tells me he loves me and everything (7 year old), but because he's so readily available and will do it anytime, it doesn't mean that much to me. Whereas the 5 year old brother almost never does any of the above, so its alot better.
Basically you have to not let them know that you give a damn about them until after you start dating, and then you can be a bit nicer.
I've found that at least in high school, almost the only time being just a nice guy will land you a girl is if you're the rebound and you listen to all their crap and make them feel good. But rebounds are always short and usually pretty meaningless, in-between periods for her and you'll end up getting hurt (and no, I won't make a thread about how I was Green's rebound til today)
EDIT:
I was told that I was previously in the OP? I'd like to know what it said exactly? I don't care if it's a personal attack or not Sec, I'm really curious though
Cute Wolf
09-10-2011, 22:11
well, always being available and nice maybe works for that....
so, its true for most girls then? I wonder if the reverse is also true
Prussian to the Iron
09-10-2011, 22:17
the reverse being that most jerk girls go for nice guys? or that always available and nice girls are in the same light as their guy counterparts?
Cute Wolf
09-10-2011, 22:38
the reverse being that most jerk girls go for nice guys? or that always available and nice girls are in the same light as their guy counterparts?
then this mean you should go find a jerk girl in your school :clown:
Montmorency
09-10-2011, 23:21
So:
1.:laugh:
2. CuteWolf webstalks PI.
3. :laugh:
Cute Wolf
09-10-2011, 23:36
So:
2. CuteWolf webstalks PI.
you could webstalks him too :evil: just add him on FB http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001603097354 (hell, he said this on his sig!)
Because if you're always available and willing to drop anything to be with a girl, and she knows it, you get put at the bottom of the list. If she thinks that she only has one chance to get you, because you act like a jerk who doesn't need them, then they will want to go out with you right then.
Or, maybe, they just don't want to pursue a sexual relationship with you.
GEE WHAT A DIFFICULT CONCEPT TO UNDERSTAND.
For the same reason as I don't smother one of my little brothers with love: he's the only one who always hugs me goodnight and tells me he loves me and everything (7 year old), but because he's so readily available and will do it anytime, it doesn't mean that much to me. Whereas the 5 year old brother almost never does any of the above, so its alot better.
For the same reason as totally irrelevant analogy
Basically you have to not let them know that you give a damn about them until after you start dating, and then you can be a bit nicer.
When exactly did PI make the transition from receiving to giving advice in the archetypal frontroom thread? Because I was think he was far, far too quick to do so.
I've found that at least in high school, almost the only time being just a nice guy will land you a girl is if you're the rebound and you listen to all their crap and make them feel good. But rebounds are always short and usually pretty meaningless, in-between periods for her and you'll end up getting hurt
Protip: No life experience you gain from high school other than learning how to have non-sexual friendships with girls will be of any use to you, ever.
(and no, I won't make a thread about how I was Green's rebound til today)
WHEYYYYYYYY
I was told that I was previously in the OP? I'd like to know what it said exactly? I don't care if it's a personal attack or not Sec, I'm really curious though
This is Classical Frontroom. Unfortunately, I ran out of popcorn by the twelfth post.
the reverse being that most jerk girls go for nice guys? or that always available and nice girls are in the same light as their guy counterparts?
No, it's because of a little phenomenon called CONFIRMATION BIAS
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confirmation_bias)
a completely inoffensive name
09-11-2011, 03:11
Guys over complicate women so much, that frustrates me more than the females themselves. Know what you want. Be upfront with the girl and let her know what you want. If she can't provide it, then move on. If no one can provide it, lower your standards. Not that hard people. Also, it isn't that hard to separate the chaff from the wheat when it comes to the intelligence of females you comes across. The self esteem lacking bimbos reveal themselves pretty fast just as the intelligent strong women do.
Peasant Phill
09-11-2011, 12:53
Guys over complicate women so much, that frustrates me more than the females themselves. Know what you want. Be upfront with the girl and let her know what you want. If she can't provide it, then move on. If no one can provide it, lower your standards. Not that hard people. Also, it isn't that hard to separate the chaff from the wheat when it comes to the intelligence of females you comes across. The self esteem lacking bimbos reveal themselves pretty fast just as the intelligent strong women do.
You do know that you're on a war game forum, home to the socially incompetent and those who already married years ago? Good advice though
and no, I won't make a thread about how I was Green's rebound til today
Karma, you have to love it.
Guys over complicate women so much, that frustrates me more than the females themselves. Know what you want. Be upfront with the girl and let her know what you want. If she can't provide it, then move on. If no one can provide it, lower your standards. Not that hard people. Also, it isn't that hard to separate the chaff from the wheat when it comes to the intelligence of females you comes across. The self esteem lacking bimbos reveal themselves pretty fast just as the intelligent strong women do.
Dude what are you doing, this isn't the place for sincere/serious advice
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