Europa barbarorum humour

[moonburn]

i would like people to post here whats the funniest parts you got so far

the one´s about fish and hetarai from the makedonian mines have been extremly funny

also the one about the granary from the germans about how surprise the dude was when they showed him his own insides cracked me up a bit but so far for me it´s been "they should put a sign on their murus galicus we can´t fight come and attack us" thats the best so far

i have a problem with taking screenshoots on my laptop so i can´t show them but should be funny to have the best so far i mean there must be many scatered around i think a saw a few as doing a karthadast campaig (punic pun )

[Brave Brave Sir Robin]

My first three campaigns were as Makedonia, Carthage and Sweboz in that order. Apparently those are the only 3 factions with funny building descriptions because I havn't seen many others. The Makedonian port ones are funny. You build a clearing and the local fishermen curse you. As you keep building up the port, a fish swallows your dog, your wife slips on something and falls over the side of the ship, etc. and all the while the guy is confused as to why its happening to him.

[edgaraurelius]

Either the Epeirote campaign doesn't have these funny bits or I'm way lost as to where this humor is found.

[Brave Brave Sir Robin]

Only some factions have these. Someone who wrote for Eb had a sense of humor. Quite a sick one at times:clown:

[GenosseGeneral]

It is the same with Carthage. Just read the build report :laugh4:

[moonburn]

ok ok i redone the kart hadast just to check them and damm those colony one´s are funny :X (finally we persuaded those guys to leave gezzz)

[Fluvius Camillus]

The Kart'Hadast and Pontos posses awesome descriptions!

A Qarthadast description of a pallisade wall tells about how it will protect the city of camels.

Also, moonburn, why don't you use capitals, dots and commas moonburn? It makes text more enjoyable to read.

~Fluvius

[moonburn]

why did i pick a wierd blue dude as an avatar ?

thats for people who smell bad :\ gezzz i mean seriously the other day i was in a mall and everyone there used some of that smelly water and they all stinked but the worst part was the combination of all those smells wich almost made me puke i mean haven´t they heard about something called soap and water ?

[Vilkku92]

why did i pick a wierd blue dude as an avatar ?

thats for people who smell bad :\ gezzz i mean seriously the other day i was in a mall and everyone there used some of that smelly water and they all stinked but the worst part was the combination of all those smells wich almost made me puke i mean haven´t they heard about something called soap and water ?

Do you actually know what you are talking about, or were you just keeping your fingers warm...?

[Ca Putt]

The Carthagians have the most funny Build reports(thus many of them not better ones, can someone tell me If I phrased that correctly). Foodstuffs, nuff said :D

[ezekiel2517]

I remember someone making AAR comics. He was only able to make a few and I can't remember the name. Anyone else does? He made one with Koinon Helleon and the other with Pontos, I believe.

ED: Here they are https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showthread.php?102721-The-world-according-to-the-Royal-Pontic-Satrapy-of-Ankyra-A-Pontos-midgame-story&highlight=

[rickinator9]

If you get the trait 'Gynaikonomos', it says 'Do I have to spell it out for you?'.

[Hamata]

" apon installing the mod you agree to read more history" lol

[rickinator9]

From the Karthadastim Large Granary: "We now have a fortified and larger granary for our town. Our food is much better protected, not only from rodents and pests, but from brigands and those ugly nomads as well. It won't hold out against a determined army, but it still helps matters and keeps the people happy. They'd not be happy if they knew the real truth though. The sort of stuff I can't talk about here in public though. That's the really scary stuff. Now excuse me while I look under my cot for spies. Yep, they're still there."

From the Karthadastim Grant of Land: "The people are happy because you have made a large grant of land that will soon become a large farming estate. Well, when I say "people" I mean all those individuals who are about to make a lot of money off of this agreement, but since that is a number of people, there are a lot who are happy right now. Everybody but me. Did I get a cut of this? No. Of course not. I'm just the poor sot who had to tell you about it. I hope you are all so very very happy celebrating. What I really hope is that you get drunk and fall off the roof of your house."

From the Karthadastim Colony: "We have just sent out a new colony from this great city. Our people rejoice and the city should be happy now. Thank goodness we were able to talk those guys into leaving. We got rid of the worst ones really. A bunch of criminals mostly. Tanit help the world if enough of those type people ever actually had control of a whole continent."

I got this from the 'export_buildings' file at RTW/data/text. Not sure who made these, but the guy that did must come back for EBII.

[Ibn-Khaldun]

IIRC, then it was Tellos Athenaios(or Teleklos) who wrote these. The reason was that the people who had to write these building descriptions didn't do it and he wrote those just so that there would be some descriptions about those buildings. I could be wrong though.

[edgaraurelius]

I remember someone making AAR comics. He was only able to make a few and I can't remember the name. Anyone else does? He made one with Koinon Helleon and the other with Pontos, I believe.

ED: Here they are https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showthread.php?102721-The-world-according-to-the-Royal-Pontic-Satrapy-of-Ankyra-A-Pontos-midgame-story&highlight=That AAR was truly, truly amazing. I'm really grateful for the link, ezekiel. I would have likely never have seen it otherwise and not gotten as many laughs as I did from it. Thanks!

[Moros]

IIRC, then it was Tellos Athenaios(or Teleklos) who wrote these. The reason was that the people who had to write these building descriptions didn't do it and he wrote those just so that there would be some descriptions about those buildings. I could be wrong though.
Teleklos.

[gamegeek2]

I am actively looking to hire people to write funny descriptions for EB:NOM. I try to throw some wry humor into the unit descriptions but only on the worse units.