Axis of Evil wanabees.. :-)

[Shadedredd]

Axis of Evil Wannabees

Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the Axis of Evil, Libya, China and Syria today announced that they had formed the Axis of Just as Evil, which they said would be more evil than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address.

Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new Axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name. Right They are just as evil . . . in their dreams declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. Everybody knows we're the best evils . . . best at being evil .. . we're the best.

Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil. They told us it was full, said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.

An axis can't have more than three countries, explained
Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So, you can only have three, and a secret handshake. Ours is wickedly cool.

International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as within minutes, France surrendered.

Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what has become a game of geopolitical chairs.

Cuba, Sudan and Serbia announced that they had formed the Axis of Somewhat Evil, forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the Axis of Occasionally Evil, while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the Axis of Not So Much Evil Really as Just Generally Disagreeable.

With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the Axis of Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host the Olympics.

Canada, Mexico and Australia formed the Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts About America, while Scotland, New Zealand and Spain established the Axis of Countries That Want Sheep to Wear Lipstick. That's not a threat, really, just something we like to do, said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.

While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axis, although he rejected the establishment of the Axis of Countries Whose Names End in guay, accusing one of its members of filing a false application.

Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Franceguay denied the charges.

Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axis, but privately world leaders said that's because no one's asked.

[Heraclius]

http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/joker.gif

[Dramicus]

http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/shock.gif

[LittleGrizzly]

rofl

[Knight_Yellow]

Wales is upset it couldnt join scotland and co.

[Gaius Julius]

Quote[/b] (Shadedredd @ Mar. 26 2003,15:58)]Canada, Mexico and Australia formed the Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts About America
Just thought I should inform you, Australia doesn't belong in this group. http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif

[Gregoshi]

A sub Axis then: Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts About America And Don't Think Australia Should Be A Member

[Gaius Julius]

OK, agreed. http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/joker.gif

[LeeJackson]

United States the United Kingdom, and Austrlia, not to be left out anounced that they are The Axis of Evil that Everyone Calls Good Becuase They are Afriad We Will Blow Them Up. http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif

[Shadedredd]

Edited Chadguay to Franceguay...As I wasn´t to sure if some of you on the other side of the pond realised that Chad is actually a country http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif

Plus...It´s always fun to have another cheap dig at the French http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif

[Goedfroy]

lol good one http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif

[HopAlongBunny]

http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/joker.gif

[Div Hunter]

http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/tongue.gif Hilarious http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/joker.gif

Didn't happen to get that off The Onion?

[LadyAnn]

It was on the Onion a year ago. Next time, please post the source...

Annie

[Gregoshi]

It appeared in SatireWire.com (http://www.satirewire.com/news/jan02/axis.shtml) and then in several newspapers. See the postscript at the bottom of the page.

[Shadedredd]

Thanks for the source..I was under the illusion that John cleese wrote it

This piece was written by Terry jones (also of Monty python fame), but a little bit too serious for my taste...Not enough satire.

I'm really excited by George Bush's latest reason for bombing Iraq: he's running out of patience. And so am I
For some time now I've been really pissed off with Mr Johnson, who lives a couple of doors down the street. Well, him and Mr Patel, who runs the health food shop. They both give me queer looks, and I'm sure Mr Johnson is planning something nasty for me, but so far I haven't been able to discover what. I've been round to his place a few times to see what he's up to, but he's got everything well hidden. That's how devious he is.

As for Mr Patel, don't ask me how I know, I just know - from very good sources - that he is, in reality, a Mass Murderer. I have leafleted the street telling them that if we don't act first, he'll pick us off one by one.

Some of my neighbours say, if I've got proof, why don't I go to the police? But that's simply ridiculous. The police will say that they need evidence of a crime with which to charge my neighbours.

They'll come up with endless red tape and quibbling about the rights and wrongs of a pre-emptive strike and all the while Mr Johnson will be finalising his plans to do terrible things to me, while Mr Patel will be secretly murdering people. Since I'm the only one in the street with a decent range of automatic firearms, I reckon it's up to me to keep the peace. But until recently that's been a little difficult. Now, however, George W. Bush has made it clear that all I need to do is run out of patience, and then I can wade in and do whatever I want

And let's face it, Mr Bush's carefully thought-out policy towards Iraq is the only way to bring about international peace and security. The one certain way to stop Muslim fundamentalist suicide bombers targeting the US or the UK is to bomb a few Muslim countries that have never threatened us.

That's why I want to blow up Mr Johnson's garage and kill his wife and children. Strike first That'll teach him a lesson. Then he'll leave us in peace and stop peering at me in that totally unacceptable way.

Mr Bush makes it clear that all he needs to know before bombing Iraq is that Saddam is a really nasty man and that he has weapons of mass destruction - even if no one can find them. I'm certain I've just as much justification for killing Mr Johnson's wife and children as Mr Bush has for bombing Iraq.

Mr Bush's long-term aim is to make the world a safer place by eliminating 'rogue states' and 'terrorism'. It's such a clever long-term aim because how can you ever know when you've achieved it? How will Mr Bush know when he's wiped out all terrorists? When every single terrorist is dead? But then a terrorist is only a terrorist once he's committed an act of terror. What about would-be terrorists? These are the ones you really want to eliminate, since most of the known terrorists, being suicide bombers, have already eliminated themselves.

Perhaps Mr Bush needs to wipe out everyone who could possibly be a future terrorist? Maybe he can't be sure he's achieved his objective until every Muslim fundamentalist is dead? But then some moderate Muslims might convert to fundamentalism. Maybe the only really safe thing to do would be for Mr Bush to eliminate all Muslims?

It's the same in my street. Mr Johnson and Mr Patel are just the tip of the iceberg. There are dozens of other people in the street who I don't like and who - quite frankly - look at me in odd ways. No one will be really safe until I've wiped them all out.

My wife says I might be going too far but I tell her I'm simply using the same logic as the President of the United States. That shuts her up.

Like Mr Bush, I've run out of patience, and if that's a good enough reason for the President, it's good enough for me. I'm going to give the whole street two weeks - no, 10 days - to come out in the open and hand over all aliens and interplanetary hijackers, galactic outlaws and interstellar terrorist masterminds, and if they don't hand them over nicely and say 'Thank you', I'm going to bomb the entire street to kingdom come.

It's just as sane as what George W. Bush is proposing - and, in contrast to what he's intending, my policy will destroy only one street.

and since some people get a teensy bit upset if they don´t have the link...*coughidiotscough*

http://www.observer.co.uk/comment/story/0,6903,882459,00.html

[HopAlongBunny]

Quote[/b] (Shadedredd @ Mar. 27 2003,23:58)]Mr Bush makes it clear that all he needs to know before bombing Iraq is that Saddam is a really nasty man and that he has weapons of mass destruction - even if no one can find them.
I think Rumsfeld sums up the case against Saddam best:

The absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

I wonder if he came up with that himself... http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif

[LeeJackson]

I happen to be for teh action in Iraq (but not the resoning), but I heard an anti war protester say soemthing intresteing the other day, Just because I am anti war, doesn't mean I am anti action.

I think some of the pro war people forget there are other options (besides just leaving saddam in power), even if they don't like them.