What you dont want to hear after a battle starts

[tgi01]

Here comes a short list of the comments you dont want to hear after the battle starts :

1. ... but they are strong ( from 6 unit guy )
2. .. dont worry I ve got longbows ( british guy )
3. lets get them into mangonel reach
4. aaaa desert http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/eek.gif
5. let them attack ( from ally on ATT team )
6. testing this new thing http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif ( from anyone )
7. dont speak English ( after you were talking strategy for 5 minutes )
8. using my archer army (yes I do that http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/shock.gif )

and more to come

regards

TGI

[LRossaLordJimi]

LOL
I found one time an allied with the 6 units army but strong http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/dizzy.gif
Another time one player say:Why this premature route?...takin all arba army... http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/joker.gif
Gah

[ErikJansen]

LOL http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/joker.gif http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/smokin.gif

Nice one tgi01 http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

I've learned to fear the TTTTT http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/redface.gif

as for your 'using my archer army' comment, I don't let that scare me as long as its desert http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/joker.gif

[DthB4Dishonor]

LOL very funny TG http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/joker.gif

Dont worry this works versus AI all the time (new guy)
No I'm not new I played sp for 3 weeks now (new guy)
Dont worry these peasants are at valor 4 (new guy)
What do you mean a 4 unit max florin penalty? (guy who takes 7 cmaa units)
Doh, I hit deploy by mistake.


RTKPaul

[ErikJansen]

From the guy who brought 14 Order foot and lined them up...

"Don't worry, I know what I'm doing"

5 minutes later, we're trashed and then comes this gem...

"Well at least I was defending"

Edit: Here's one from me...

"Shit I bought peasants instead of muwahid"

[ElmarkOFear]

"Don't worry, I have my foot troops on skirmish."

"This is my other name. My real user name is UglyElmo."

"I'm gonna hit em hard when we start." To compound this, it was said to ALL instead of TO ALLIES.

"What is a valour upgrade?"

"Did you guys have a lot of florins left?"

"I'm the best at Command and Conquer Generals."

"Don't let the other team know, but I brought all hashishin."

"I'm not a newbie. I play with AnMortgage (AmpMortog)and MyGarbageCan (Magyarkhan) all the time.

"Only wimps use pavise arbs."

[Goedfroy]

"you can add valor to units ???"

hehehe my favorite http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif

[Swoosh So]

Ok ill cover you with my 16 artillery units sigh* happened in a game with me and amp the guy setup too far forward with 16 artillery and then left the game and dident even put them on fire at will We still won tho http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif The replay is available in the swoosh replay pack.

[Swoosh So]

What i used to hate was playing a 1v1 the the first talk line is

Heya swoosh its me sp00n

Sigh* another loss then http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif

[Alrowan]

"Oh damn, my mum wants to use the phone"

"Look at my super units" -pointing to 3 maxed out CMAA

"Was i meant to bring 16 arbs or 6?"

[Puzz3D]

An ally's spear unit standing right behind the enemy's cav general turns and walks away.

I ask, "Why didn't you attack the enemy general?".

Answer, "I was on the phone.".

[Panther]

i havent been playing as long as some but here are 3 gems

"ok you try to divert them while i will get their left flank " - this was talking to ALL and he even
attepted it but obviously they had that flank
covered tho tbh i think they thought he was
joking
"ah its desert I'm waning you if you 2 are on top of that hill i'm leaving" - and he did and it was only a low rise
it wasnt that big a hill about 8 feet
higher than the rest at most


Im not joking about this one this seriously happened http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/eek.gif

"I only got this game a few hours ago could you tell me what to do?"

http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/dizzy.gif http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/dizzy.gif http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/dizzy.gif

[Aleborg]

I really love when, after 10 min playing 2vs2 and i starting to get a bit nervous, Mo just write, Ok, back, something happened??

http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/joker.gif http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/joker.gif

Ale

http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/smokin.gif

[Magyar Khan]

worst I have encountered yet

Khan, I forgot the bags for the heads....

[LadyAnn]

"zzzzZZZZzzzz hurry up tadump tadump" - in a 4x4, position left-forward. Guessed it right, never deployed.

From me:
"Got my 13 cav russian army"
"Darn-it, forgot to change faction, I have Byzantine"
"Am experimenting with fanatics"
"Am babysitting"

[Kensai Achilles]

"Which one is my General??"
"Ohh?? My general rocks Its a longbowman"

You are getting double teamed. Out of reflex you type "Hello?" to your ally right next to you. The Ally replies "Hello :)" .

Lancelot's Ally says, "aaah Lancelot is attacking me". (believe me it's accidental :D )

"shoot i brought royal knights instead of lancers" (this line is mine :D )
response:
"No worries I got ya, I have 8 Lancers"
"Ahhh noo I also brought 8 royal knights instead of Lancers"
"mwuahaha my camels will eat them alive". It's temperate or Lush climate.

"Join me I have 5 cannons", saying that in Elmo's game.

"Which one is the enemy?", saying that during deployment.
"Which one is the enemy?", saying that after the batle is started

[Kongamato]

"What? This isn't a castle game?"

[Skomatth]

If it aught be toward the common good
Set honor in one eye and death i'th'other
And I will look upon both indifferently..

[LRossaLordJimi]

http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/joker.gif http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/joker.gif Very funny topic http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/joker.gif http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/joker.gif
One time,it was a 3vs 3,i was doubled by enemies.In the middle of the hard battle,i ask help to my allies.One say:"You need help? http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/eek.gif Ok,i'm gonna help you with my cannons" http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/shock.gif
Ave

[baz]

some classic examples .. http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/joker.gif

[Mithrandir]

"orderfoot are to expensive, I took spearmen instead"

"valour sucks"

"your gen"

Btw. All archer armies, including longbows, can be pretty good actually...

[tgi01]

let me clarify :

testing my archer army - well it was 3 vs 3 and one of my allies had the same brilliant idea so we had 2 egyptian archer armies for 3 players http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/tongue.gif ... ( no didnt win that one )

and some more :

1.... charging ( from ally with the good longbows )
2. you seem to be doing well ( while getting doubled )
3. baby woke up sorry ( from TGI ... )
4. why is this game so laggy ( modem guy in 4 vs 4 )
5. im incognito ( after you picked your fun noob basher army )
6. noone told me not to pick rain ....
7. is that a clan ? ( when facing fear, wolf , elite etc...)

regards

TGI

[Swoosh So]

Actually modems dont cause the lag bad systems do

[7Bear7Polar]

here are some from me

"dont worry I got my super pavs"
"crap brought peasants instead of spearmen"
"ok I gonna send a unit over" (ally about to get doubled)
(sending an alan)
"I gonna run them over" (2 min later - please wait while the conflict is resolved...)


in 4v4 game(s)
polar:"your men are facing backwards"
newbie ally:"what?"
polar:"your men are facing the wrong way"
(newbie ally deploys)
newbie ally:"no there not, their facing me"

[Louis de la Ferte Ste Colombe]

Here you go;

'TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT'
'your ally general is fleeing' (once I saw that even before we could exchange some GL / HF, and other greetings, yes that was the opening message)
'those circles are damn too small' is the answer I got in a 4v4 from an ally who positions himself in the wrong direction, his back open to the ennemy (who on top of that was FearSymbol...).

Louis,

[Stormer]

i hate it when they say nothing http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif

[alioven]

...
(after one minute of deployment, no comment from your ally)
...
"How to talk to your allies?"
(he has just realised the function of the T(alk) key)

or:

GOGOGOGOGOGOGOOGOGOGOGOGO

[Ithaskar Fëarindel]

"How do I select a unit?"
"I'm testing a mouse" ... five minutes later "It isn't working I can't move"
"Who has the modem?" Like Swoosh said, doesn't make a difference.
"Do attackers fight forwards or backwards?"
"I'll stay on this hill and cover you while you stay there" from ally with no cannons only pavs, too far away to help.
"I think we should shoot them up" ... followed by a charge.

[ichi]

Many similar to those already mentioned, but my all time favorite:


"Which button stops them from routing?"


(this was in all caps, after about five minutes of flaming BS like: why is it taking you so long, and, who picked this gay map?, and Their archers aren't as good as ours&#33http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif

ichi

[Cheetah]

First version: left forward player deploys as forward as possible and then makes a rush in the first 5 second of the game. After he is routed he quits the game without saying a word.

Second version: left forward player deploys as forward as possible but FACING BACKWARDS. After he hit the deploy button he asks us on team chat: "who is with black?" Black was the right wing opponent, i.e the enemy army that he was facing backwards http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/joker.gif And all this happened on Harima when the two sides are devided by a decent valley http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

[alioven]

Another one that I just saw today:

Unknow player in center position in a 4v4: "My mision is to cover my allies" (nice, but when you see his army you find that he has... 16 kataphraktoi&#33http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif

My response: "Hmmmm, you should have warned us before choosing that army/tactic. I hope at least you know how to use that"

His pearl words: "I'm a newbie, I don't know what to do"

doh http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/eek.gif

[ichi]

OK, one more:

"Hey, how did you guys get horses?"



ichi

[starkhorn]

Whilst talking with my ally in a 2v2 during deployment in one of my earliest MP battles. Realised that my ally was even newer than me.

Ally:- "Christ who is that over there"
Me:- "Where ?"
Ally:- "To the left of your position and what type of units are they"
Me:- "Where ? The battle hasn't started yet you can't see the enemy forces until we all press begin battle"
A slight pause occurred.
Ally:- "oops, silly me. Those units were tents"

The map was agincourt http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

Deployment took an extra 5 minutes or so because I spent that amount of time on the floor laughing. http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif
Classic.

[theKyl]

http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/joker.gif

[Louis de la Ferte Ste Colombe]

A recent one...

'How do you guys deploy units?'

... the battle begins he charged, get routed killing 56, losing 400...

At least he has the decency of not routing on us (was 3v3) and not triggering a mass rout.

Oh well,

Louis,

[ErikJansen]

I've actually been participating in a game where one of my fellow attackers managed the INCREDIBLE accomplishment it is to kill a total of 14 enemies http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/eek.gif

The downside was that he didn't speak at all... http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif

[ElmarkOFear]

Elmo has that beat. I was in a 4v4, our team won. I had zero kills 1 loss . .Sill trying to figure out how that guy died. Must have been a heart attack or stroke from the heat on arid map. LOL

[ShadesPanther]

http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/joker.gif http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/joker.gif
he must have got bored and died or wanted to see what the pointy thing on the end of his sword did

[Houston]

"Lancers? What are lancers?" http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif

[Kongamato]

"GG"

"Hang on, I need to eat my breakfast"

"Wat toturial"

"My mangonels will kill them all"

"WTF HOW DO I DEPLOY"

[ShadesPanther]

I was playing on liegniez and hid a unit of PA and one of VG to ambush this guys general.

As soon as his units trying to struggle up the hill appear i charged my units out and attack his flank. His exact words were
"Are you cheating?" http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/joker.gif http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/joker.gif

[ErikJansen]

Quote[/b] (ElmarkOFear @ April 08 2003,14:43)]Elmo has that beat. I was in a 4v4, our team won. I had zero kills 1 loss . .Sill trying to figure out how that guy died. Must have been a heart attack or stroke from the heat on arid map. LOL
Lol Elmo http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

I think the main difference between you and the guy with 14 kills is the fact that he attacked in a 4v4 with me and two other unfortunate souls, and we lost http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/tongue.gif

One at a time, his units attacked, routed, left dodge http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/joker.gif http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/wave.gif

[Puzz3D]

"How do I turn my trebuchet?"

[Lechev]

It was quite sometime ago when Glor and myself hav this Ally in a 3v3, in the game we are all communicating ( allies and opponents alike ) tauting and following up of instructions and all this time our Ally kept quite.

It was not until the ending of the game when this dude mutter a " GG". At this instant Glor type " Ah you speak after all " well, u can imagin that time I was rolling on the floor laughing my ass off. http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

[PrithviRaj Chauhan]

Well heres sum of my deceptive war techniques against noobs...(and sum veterans)
to all:
1. Shit these heavy jannies will get crushed by their knights ...doh
2. AAArghhh i brought futtuwas ....shit now the core of my army is weak doh
3. yepp ur right ....Ghazi infantry sucks.

http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/wave.gif http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/joker.gif

[Tera]

'It's the first time I play online'

and

'I've beaten the AI easily, I will do well'

http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

[andy119]

Things ive personally said
"watch this"
"Trust me"
Noob favs
"uh? u haven't got ne valour on ur units"
"whats valour?"
http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/joker.gif http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/joker.gif

[Shahed]

Man there have been so many of these http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/joker.gif I dunno where to start. Ok firstly let me say that I am an average player and do not mean to insult anyone with my post. I'm sure those of you who have played with me will appreciate and laugh about these mistakes when you read this.

-----
Vet comes along with byzantine army and about 5 Barney Inf. About 50 seconds into the battle he shouts:

"S*** I forgot to valor my units"

Needless to say he routed 10 seconds after getting engaged by enemy cav i.e Lancers.
-----

me: "hey what are those nizaris doing like 10 deep formation ?"
vet: "Huh where ?? OMG "
-----

vet on right: "we should stick together, **** is good"
me on left: "yeah gah but ok I'll deploy as far to the left as possible"
-----

vet: "I need HELP"
me: "coming"
vet: "Sinan help I getting flanked"
me: "No that's me FFS stop attacking me."
vet: "Oh noooooo "
----

newbie http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/flirt.gif : "ahh my guns will rip em up" on the performance of his 12 valor 0 culvs.
----

vet beginning of desert game: "Sinan lol what's that camels ?"

----

newbie http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/flirt.gif beginning of desert game: "Wow my Gothic Knights look so cool"
me: "uh huh" http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/flirt.gif



http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/joker.gif http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/joker.gif http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/joker.gif http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

[t1master]

elmo says to me.. t1 you draw the arbs fire and i'll charge in behind them... http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/frown.gif

it's ok though, cause my troops last longer when they're absorbing arrows/bolts than when they're attacking... http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

[Mithrandir]

1 by me...

brb, cooking.


Had this twice now http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/frown.gif. (inevitably followed by : "don't bug me or my pavs will ya' ,I'm eating").

and btw. Chev, we have to play again some time soon http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif.

[tgi01]

Guess who was the lucky guy allied to Glor in the cooking game http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/mecry.gif

His first word after coming back was :

lets rush them

TGI

[ErikJansen]

Here's a new one from me, hehehe http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/rolleyes.gif

TGI hosted a 3v3 and we faced off vs Byz, English and Turks.

TGI: Hey Vandal, you are facing the Turks. No excuse for you not winning this time

http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/joker.gif http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/joker.gif

Edit: Typos http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/tongue.gif

[Louis de la Ferte Ste Colombe]

I recently said;

"ooops my mouse is not working anymore"
...
"But my keyboard is fine"

Louis,

[Lechev]

Quote[/b] (Mithrandir @ April 26 2003,01:40)]and btw. Chev, we have to play again some time soon http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif.
Yo Mirth NP m8. I hav not been in the MP for the past 2 wks and last nite I screw up big time in a 3V3 while playing allies wif Justy & our newest clan member SS.

Hope I can have a better performance once I'm free to brush up my skills. Sheeesh...I dun know that 2 wks of absence can make my skill rusty to the core.... http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/shock.gif

[Vanya]

GAH

Vanya has seen these pop up on the screen from time to time...

"How do you talk in game?"
... hmmm, how did he write that in the first place?

"How come you have so many units?"
... sez player with 5 units when he sees Vanya will full 16.

"Be gentle... I'm a noob."
... usually spoken by a vet. Vanya has, on occasion, done this to folks...

"Damn that was fast I didn't even have time to react"
... spoken when Vanya rushes poor bastid and his army is "Gone in 60 seconds"...

"Can you watch my unit for me? I'll be right back..." http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/eek.gif

GAH

[FesterShinetop]

Hehehe http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif this is pretty funny. I am still planning to go play this game online soon. So it's also a bit educational (but mostly funny) http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/joker.gif

[ElmarkOFear]

What you don't want to hear from a partner:

"I am new, but don't worry I have beaten Elmo."

"Has anybody seen the movie The Matrix? I'm watching it now and it is great"

"I didn't know that no cannons were allowed in this game." The name of my game is: "UglyElmo's no arty game." Had to further expain what arty was. I think this guy was undercover and is named MajorDump http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif

[FesterShinetop]

Maybe this thread should be made sticky because of it's educational value http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif . Also that way it gets updated regularly?

http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/confused.gif

[ErikJansen]

I recently hosted some 'Kill the Vandal' 1v1's on Sicily, High. So I take the defence and pick the french, planning to go heavy on the fast harassing cav. This fella comes in and we get going. I pick 3 Turcos and 2 of my special brewed Alans to harass his approach while my main force camps in the rear.

The fella deploys in the woods and I really start wondering where his main force is, since my light cav is zigzagging the map in search of his main force. I figured he might have setup a very nasty ambush http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif Then the guy goes:

"OMG I AM SO DEAD"

Turns out that he'd chosen 5 pumped up units only http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/joker.gif so I offered a deal. He would get to withdraw his units peacefully (I explained to him how to do that) and I would not attack. Then we'd call the game a draw http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/joker.gif http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/joker.gif

He took the offer http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

[Kocmoc]

i dont want to hear...." plz rout ur units"....


koc

[spacecadet]

Quote[/b] (Kocmoc @ May 22 2003,13:43)]i dont want to hear...." plz rout ur units"....


koc
Funny that, i usually tell that to Magyar every time he attempts his infamous rallying comebacks. http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/flirt.gif

Space

http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/smokin.gif

[Dimeola]

....I have all beserkers....
the other is when your allies dont say a word. Had that recently. They played together regular but didnt answer me at all.
Dimeolas

[Crazed Rabbit]

In a game I played recently, one player didn't bring any missile units.

His plan was to "Brak the enemys line and kill his gen" (The grammatical errors are his own)

We didn't win that one...

Crazed Rabbit

[FearSimbol]

Quote[/b] (Louis de la Ferte Ste Colombe @ April 03 2003,08:42)]Here you go;

'TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT'
'your ally general is fleeing' (once I saw that even before we could exchange some GL / HF, and other greetings, yes that was the opening message)
'those circles are damn too small' is the answer I got in a 4v4 from an ally who positions himself in the wrong direction, his back open to the ennemy (who on top of that was FearSymbol...).

Louis,
Lol i remember that game, for me was very fun http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/tongue.gif

Some i got.

Noob: "Hi, i am a newbiew take it easy"
Me Respond :" Ok"
After begin: "Wao you army is too big why?" he haved only 5 units.....

I taked it easy....

This one was me ---->>> "Gah i did a wrong click, and i have all units selected" http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/tongue.gif

"I think i will lose"
"Doh they have all spain http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/tongue.gif"
"Gah they change to BIZ"
"O no i have AMP in my front"
"Lol o no I take Sigues elmo"
"Jajaja lets double Elmo"

Some day in public a noob alied say, Why you take all Cavs.