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Vanya
09-30-2003, 15:49
GAH

Vanya is content to break the news on these classy new units Sorry, Vanya not know how to post picture... http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/mad.gif

BOMBARDIERII SUICIATII
The fattest men from the army are chosen for this highly coveted assignment. These burly men of war wear a metal helmet that encases their entire head and face, and bears a huge iron spike on the crown. These men cannot see much through the visor, but they don't need to. In addition, they wear very heavy -- massive -- shoulder armor. The rest of their bodies is unarmored. Their weapon of choice are two medium daggers -- one in each hand. Shields are shunned by these great warriors. When the enemy battle line approaches, these men mount their catapults and are hurled at great speed through the air onto the surprised enemy lines Their super heavy shoulder armor ensures their dive goes head-first. Skilled suiciatii can use their arms to steer themselves during flight and target individual enemy combatants. Using their helmet spike, they can score a quick kill as they plummet from the heavens. With their arms extended and daggers out, they can even slice through several more men before they hit the ground. Although half of the suiciatii die on impact from broken necks, new revolutions in shoulder and neck armor have reduced these intial casualties. After impact, they pick themselves off the ground and go berserk within the enemy formation, wreaking havoc and spreading death and panic When used in large numbers, the suiciatii can wipe out entire blocks of enemy troops. Their strength is their sheer attack capabilities. Their lack of armor below the shoulders means their are vulnerable to enemy counterattacks. Thus, only a fool would use these men to defend an area.

BARBARIAN SUMO CHARGER
These wear the same type of equipment as the Bombardierii Suiciatii: massive shoulder armor and helmet with big spike. Unlike the suiciatii, however, these are not an airborne unit. They are typically deployed in front of the main formation, and are used to mount a devastating charge into the enemy lines prior to a frontal assault by the main force. Their charge is similar to that of a sumo wrestler -- head first into the enemy gut. This angle of attack ensures their exposed bellies are protected, as only their helmet and shoulders will face the enemy. Naturally, these units need ample protection along their flanks and rear. When used in combination with the suiciatii, these units can easily carry the day

GAH

some_totalwar_dude
09-30-2003, 16:05
AAh finaly a historical correct unit.

Are you gonne tell us about the famous poo slingers from upper Scaninavia to?

These people ate alot before battle and used laxing drugs so they had an unlimited supply of ammo.
Also what they ate smelled realy realy bad after it came out again, causing much fear to there enemies.
http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/wave.gif http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

Cebei
09-30-2003, 16:16
With all due respect, why would I catapult a poor fellow into enemy formations instead of greek fire? http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/confused.gif http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

Mega Dux Bob
09-30-2003, 16:30
It is about time war games started including some of the various pre-Wright Brothers airborne military units.

Vanya
10-01-2003, 18:24
Quote[/b] (Cebei @ Sep. 30 2003,10:16)]With all due respect, why would I catapult a poor fellow into enemy formations instead of greek fire? http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/confused.gif http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif
GAH

Vanya sez... BECAUSE YOU CAN

Vanya sez... better yet, catapult poor feller soaked in naptha and wielding flaming torches along with the daggers.

Vanya sez... make these men eat lots of beans and milk prior to launch.

Result will be an explosive display of color, odor and sound.

GAH

Dwimmerlaik
10-01-2003, 19:36
Quote[/b] (some_totalwar_dude @ Sep. 30 2003,12:05)]Are you gonne tell us about the famous poo slingers from upper Scaninavia to?

Errr... I think you mean SCAT-inavia... http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/joker.gif

lonewolf371
10-02-2003, 05:16
Methane Blowers
These are soldiers who generally fight on ships. Their main task is to use gaseous materials to light fire to an enemy ship. How they do this is through an odd fashion which originally came from ancient greek mythology in which priests would eat grotesque amounts of food right before a ceremony and fart the bad spirits away from the people. The Greeks took this idea to the seas and using the enemy as targets farted all sorts of gassy substances and materials, some with odd brown particles mixed in and then they lit fire to the enemy ship. The high concentration of methane would cause the ship to explode into tiny bits. These soldiers would if at all possible always be used in conjunction with poo slingers from the shore.

Vanya
10-02-2003, 16:41
Quote[/b] (lonewolf371 @ Oct. 01 2003,23:16)]Methane Blowers
These are soldiers who generally fight on ships. Their main task is to use gaseous materials to light fire to an enemy ship. How they do this is through an odd fashion which originally came from ancient greek mythology in which priests would eat grotesque amounts of food right before a ceremony and fart the bad spirits away from the people. The Greeks took this idea to the seas and using the enemy as targets farted all sorts of gassy substances and materials, some with odd brown particles mixed in and then they lit fire to the enemy ship. The high concentration of methane would cause the ship to explode into tiny bits. These soldiers would if at all possible always be used in conjunction with poo slingers from the shore.
GAH

Vanya sez... poo slingers with legendary weapons upgrades make enemy flee in shock

HEAVY POO SLINGER INFANTRY
This heavy infantry, in addition to slinging poo like their Lite counterparts, also carry a novel pole arm, known as the turdshaft. They also sport the latest in state-of-the-art fecal shield technology. And, their helmets are crested with balloons filled with skunk piss; if they get into a bind or panic, they just pop their balloons, spilling the skunk piss all over themselves and those around them... no enemy will dare chase them, and they can escape to fight another day

GAH

some_totalwar_dude
10-05-2003, 21:16
Quote[/b] (Dwimmerlaik @ Oct. 01 2003,20:36)]Errr... I think you mean SCAT-inavia... http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/joker.gif
No thats where fartman comes from http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/tongue.gif