Not for New Zealanders

[DemonArchangel]

Q. Did you know they just discovered a new use for sheep in New Zealand?
A. Wool

Three lawyers were waiting for the subway, standing in line to buy three tickets. They saw three accountants with whom they shared a client.

They noticed the accountants purchased only one ticket so one of the lawyers asked, How will all three of you ride the subway with only one ticket?

Watch and learn, replied one of the accountants.

After they boarded, all three of the accountants packed into the bathroom. The conductor came through, knocked on the door and said, TICKET PLEASE. The bathroom door cracked open only a bit, one hand reached out with a ticket. The conductor took the ticket and moved on.

The accountants emerged from the bathroom laughing and exchanging high 5's.

On the return trip the Lawyers said, We're smarter than those accountants. If they can do then it we can do it.

The lawyers purchased one ticket. The accountants, behind them in line, bought no tickets. How will you ride the subway with NO tickets this time? one of the lawyers asked. Watch and learn, replied one of the accountants.

As the conductor made his way toward their car, the lawyers all piled into the bathroom. Then before the conductor got there, one of the accountants knocked on the bathroom door and in a disguised voice said, Ticket please.

[octavian]

hehe, ive seen that LAwyer/Accountant joke b4, only it was Canadians taking the Americans Ticket http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

[Efrem Da King]

Ahh kiwi jokes don't ya just love em?

[Lehesu]

Quote[/b] (Efrem Da King @ June 01 2004,23:39)]Ahh kiwi jokes don't ya just love em?
The kiwis or the jokes? http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/confused.gif

[shakaka36]

Ahh kiwi jokes don't ya just love em?

we kiwis do the same thing to everyone else (espiecally thme damn aussies)

[dessa14]

you ain't a kiwi, your a norseman

STOOPID

only jking
thanks, dessa

[shakaka36]

i was a kiwi, i left coz university is free in norway. that and the fgact ive always wanted to move back to the country in which i was born

[dessa14]

kiwi's are all right, we just make fun of them because they make fun of us.
they are for sure better then pommies or yanks.
thanks, dessa

[Efrem Da King]

Well I personally prefer a yank or pom to a kiwi anyday.

[Alrowan]

kiwi jokes are the backbone of australian humor, and its not right for them to make fun of us, seeing as we have a larger kiwi population in australia than NZ has :p

[BDC]

It's normally the French/Germans here or the Americans...

Particularly Bush.

Or accountants and lawyers lol...

http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/tongue.gif

[shakaka36]

better run home before a dingo eats you baby aussie

[Efrem Da King]

Quote[/b] (Alrowan @ June 02 2004,03:12)]kiwi jokes are the backbone of australian humor, and its not right for them to make fun of us, seeing as we have a larger kiwi population in australia than NZ has :p
heh thats a fact that always stops em in their tracks. I love saying it just to piss my kiwi friends off.

[shakaka36]

by kiwi population do you mean the bird? coz that could for all i know be true

but trheir are not more Kiwis, as in New Zealanders in Australia than in NZ.

you guys are just jealous coz we dont sound like mosquitos

[Efrem Da King]

No really there are. what theres like 2 mill in newzealand and 3 mill in australia.

[dessa14]

theres more kiwis in australia then in NZ
there is a miscount of population in NZ they count sheep as people. http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/bigthumb.gif
thanks, dessa

[shakaka36]

im wondering how u qualify kiwi, i was sure theyre were 4 million of us in NZ.

and you do realize australia has a higher sheep to person ratio than new zealand does (so i guess we're united in the fact if the sheep ever turned on us we would be screwed)

[Somebody Else]

Quote[/b] (shakaka36 @ June 03 2004,22:50)]if the sheep ever turned on us we would be screwed
As opposed to them?

[dessa14]

there isn't 19 million sheep in australia.
there is really 500k people in new zealand, the rest are sheep.
thanks, dessa

[shakaka36]

there isn't 19 million sheep in australia.

yeah there are considerably more

[dessa14]

prove it
thanks, dessa

[Somebody Else]

Quote[/b] (dessa14 @ June 04 2004,13:25)]prove it
Well... I'd count them, but I'd fall asleep.

[shakaka36]

you want me to show you each of them? sorry cant do that. but heres some data:

SHEEP POPULATION (millions)

N.S.W. 48.1
Western Australia 33.0
Victoria 23.6
South Australia 15.7
Queensland 13.4
Tasmania 4.3
N.T. and A.C.T. 0.1
TOTAL 138.1 million sheep

these figures are from the mid-late 90s and may have declined since then but not by much

[dessa14]

no remember we lost them all to the sea
thanks, dessa

[shakaka36]

no remember we lost them all to the sea

no ur confusing sheep with your americas cup boat

[dessa14]

well kiwis are so dirty they entered a cat in a mono compitition. just because it was an unwritten rule.
thanks, dessa

[Alrowan]

so there are 4million native NZ'er and only 500k live in NZ?

welll.........

[Alrowan]

anyway, just been doing some research on facts, and there is a population of 4million NZ's

but 10% of these live in australia, on a temp or permant basis. Even if it isnt over half, its a damn large slice of a countries population. It would be like 30 million US citizens living in just one other country when u look at proportions.



In 1996, there were an estimated 315,000 New Zealand-born people resident in Australia, a number estimated to have grown to 375,000 by 2000. At this time, New Zealanders made up 8% of the overseas-born population in Australia.


http://www.abs.gov.au/Ausstat....ocument (http://www.abs.gov.au/Ausstats/abs@.nsf/0/6abbe003a85d6c9dca256bcd008272ef?OpenDocument)

[dessa14]

i don't mind NZers they are better then most people.
kiwis are great people in ways, they may have a funny accent, but all people have funny accents. most kiwis i know are better then alot of aussies i know.

kiwis are really great.
thanks, dessa

[shakaka36]

im actually rather surprised with myself, as i despite my 16 years living in NZ (i was born in norway moved to NZ where my dad was from when i was 2) consider my self a proud norwegain and usually dont give a damn about what ppl say about NZ.

and the reason so many Nzers live in Aussie, is becuase if your a new zealander you can just hop ona plane and mvoe to australia, no strigns attached (you just cant go on the doll) and the same applies the other way round, and in case anyone was wondering the major reason why NZers move to Aussie, is to get away from all the race based **** and favouritism that goes on in NZ

[shakaka36]

i suppose all us 'colonials' have weird accents, and should spend more time emulation the speech of merry old england, or then again, we could not

[Beirut]

They said that in WWII, the Canadians got along best with the NZ-landers, but we were always arguing with the Aussies.

My buddy went to NZ for a few months to ski. The pictures he showed me were incredible. What a gorgeous country.

By the way, what race-based **** goes on in NZ?

[shakaka36]

we have significant problems with our indigenous people. i could spend all dsay typing about it, and not say half of it

[dessa14]

is it worse then what happens in Australia.
recently we had the redfern riots in sydney.
which has a very large aboriginal population.
thanks, dessa

[shakaka36]

its a different kind of problem to stuff like rioting, in new zealand we have the indigenous maori entitled to scores of benefits above and beyond what anyone else is entitled to ( university scholarships etc), regardless of economic situation of the individual. they have also been given hundreds of millions of tax payer dollars to ease 100 year old grievances, most of which rather than going to benefit the maori people has instead gone to buying sports cars for maori leaders. the whole government bows to them att all imes and a single word of criticism at them is derided as racism

[dessa14]

umm that is exactly what has happened in australia.
thanks, dessa

[Efrem Da King]

cept without the benifit giving...

We just told em to sit down and shut up. Of course the maoris won their colonial war. NZ is cold, so is canada so I can see that. WW1 stories about aussie troops are always funny cause they constanly paid out and playeed jokes on their brit commanders.

[shakaka36]

we just told em to sit down and shut up

so did we, they just didnt listen. (well they did listen for about 20 years, then they stopped)

the maori never won a war against the british, they wona great many battles, but never a war

[shakaka36]

small inconsequential note:

maori is one of those words which is both plural and singular (much like sheep, to remember the earlier topic of this topic) , thus maoris is not a word

[dessa14]

you're a complete idiot efrem.
we do give them benefits, they get indigenous pension thing.
and such, but of course there is good reason for it.
the fact that alot of aboriginals live in the lowest socio-economic group and need the funds.
thanks, dessa

[Efrem Da King]

Yes but nothing compared to what the maoris get, it is completly different..... idiot.

[shakaka36]

example of the stupidity of race relations in NZ:

recently the government forked over 10 million dollars to get maori opinion on the roads and rail systems

[Mablung]

The whole Maori thing has blown up in our faces. Don Brash is going the exact opposite (politician) and trying to stop it all but he is getting cries of racist It's a bloody mess but yeh, nothing like Redfern.
Interestingly the Maori were excellent fighters, the really kicked the British Empire's @ss. Unfortunately for them they never could raise a standing army and keep it together - gathering crops etc. They were well outnumbered but certainly put up a fight.
About sheep, just because we found a Shrek the Aussies dig up a cheap immitation, out Shrek had more wool though http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

[shakaka36]

if i still lived in NZ i'd be voting for Winston Peters, the Maori politician who claims he is in fact Chinese

[solypsist]

Quote[/b] (shakaka36 @ June 07 2004,19:31)]we have significant problems with our indigenous people. i could spend all dsay typing about it, and not say half of it
I know tons of Maori and they're the nicest. No probs with them. The reason for the reparations is that's what happens when you take away their livelihood. I'm sure every Maori would give every penny back if they could have their islands returned in the same condition they were when they were taken.

[Rob The Bastard]

Quote[/b] (dessa14@June 07 2004 @ 00:13)]well kiwis are so dirty they entered a cat in a mono compitition. just because it was an unwritten rule

Ummm, wasn't that Dennis Conner?

[shakaka36]

solypsist, i have no problems with individual maori, i have many maori friends, the problems are with the extremist maori, and youd find that were we to suggest to the maori that we white people would pack up and leave, and take everything we bought with us, few maori would be pleased

[Efrem Da King]

I'd be pleased....


just as long as you don't come here.

[shakaka36]

i could never live in the southern hemisphere again, ive grown to attached to it actually snowign on christmas instead of it being bloody hot

[Parmenio]

Kiwi Hooker : Would you like to have sex?
Pom Bloke : Six?? One's enough for any man