You might be from Kentucky if . . .

[ElmarkOFear]

....You find out your wife is going to have tripletts and you grab your gun and go looking for those other 2 bastards that got your wife pregnant.

....You look forward to family reunions as a chance to meet women.

....You are named after a famous whiskey brand.


Being born and raised in Kentucky, I have a great appreciation for my hillbilly roots My motto is: If it has a label on it, it ain't worth drinkin

[Beirut]

Ya, well we have a motto in Canada; If it's in a bottle, it is.

http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

[Dhepee]

LOL, just noticed where you are from. My wife is from Oldham county.

[Kaiser of Arabia]

There is somthing else like this called you might be a redneck if... I'll see if I can find it.
Sadly, i meet about a third of the criteria.
-Capo

[Kraellin]

lol elmo. but stealin foxworthy jokes for kentuckians is going to get you chased by all the 'deep south' folks that they belong to ;)

K.

[Lord Ovaat]

We have changed all the Jeff Foxworthy jokes from Redneck to You might be from Fayette County if. They seem to work really well for most of the, uh, folks around here. http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

[Sasaki Kojiro]

How about: How are a tornado and a Kentucky divorce alike?

Answer: Someone is going to lose a trailer http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/joker.gif

[ElmarkOFear]

KRAELLIN: LOL I only borrowed format and the Family Reunion joke from Jeff Foxworthy. The others are Elmo originals. LOL

DHEPEE: I am from the Valley Station/Dixie Highway area of Louisville. I like to refer to it as The White Ghetto. :)

LOL SHINANO: We had a joke at work a few years back when tornados went thru the Bullit County area and destroyed some mobile home trailer parks. We would say; Did you hear about the tornadoes that destroyed most of Bullit County? Damages were estimated to be in the Hundreds of Dollars hehe

Also, if someone cuts you off in traffic and they are from outside of Louisville . . . . If you want to play it cool, just look over at the passengers in your car and say; You have to forgive them, they are from (Oldham County) and are not used to driving on paved roads.

[pyhhricvictory]

We had a joke at work a few years back when tornados went thru the Bullit County area and destroyed some mobile home trailer parks. We would say; Did you hear about the tornadoes that destroyed most of Bullit County? Damages were estimated to be in the Hundreds of Dollars hehe


I am glad that I wasn't the only one who had that joke...

While I was at WKU, when I visited friends from Louisville, I didn't know Bullitt county had any actual houses, just trailers and one very attractive girl named Marie something

[scooter_the_shooter]

ROFTL elmo http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-2thumbsup.gif

[BDC]

It's a bit like Cornwall then is it?

http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif

[makkyo]

... if you mow your lawn and find your car at the same time

[ElmarkOFear]

If the square dance announcer calls out Ho Down and your girlfriend lays down on the floor.


http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif

[JAG]

Quote[/b] ]....You find out your wife is going to have tripletts and you grab your gun and go looking for those other 2 bastards that got your wife pregnant.


Made me chuckle, good job http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/bigthumb.gif

[makkyo]

What do you call 32 red necks in a barn?
A full set of teeth

[Teutonic Knight]

Quote[/b] (Kraellin @ June 23 2004,10:08)]lol elmo. but stealin foxworthy jokes for kentuckians is going to get you chased by all the 'deep south' folks that they belong to ;)

K.
http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-brood.gif

[ElmarkOFear]

LOL Knight. You aren't deep south you are FAR SOUTH :)

[Kaiser of Arabia]

I have family from Virgina (origionally, since the 1700's, now they live in West By God Virginia) so that effectivly makes me part redneck.
Weird...
-Capo

[ElmarkOFear]

Kentucky, Tennessee and West Virginia are probably the prettiest areas in the country come fall when the leaves are changing color. The ride along the parkway is unbelievable.

[pyhhricvictory]

Quote[/b] (ElmarkOFear @ June 24 2004,21:52)]Kentucky, Tennessee and West Virginia are probably the prettiest areas in the country come fall when the leaves are changing color. The ride along the parkway is unbelievable.
It is beautiful, except for the mountaintop strip mines (thanks coal industry).

The only advice is if you are off of a main road and you begin to hear Dueling Banjos and feel like you are being watched, DON'T STOP

[Kraellin]

kentucky lottery winner:






































http://mizus.com/kraellin/kentuckylottery1.gif

or, you could caption it, kentucky millionaire.

K.

[Teutonic Knight]

Quote[/b] (ElmarkOFear @ June 24 2004,15:24)]LOL Knight. You aren't deep south you are FAR SOUTH :)
I'm about as deep as you go. One word: http://acclaimimages.com/_gallery/_SM/0018-0404-1111-4722_SM.jpg

[Kaiser of Arabia]

Quote[/b] (Teutonic Knight @ June 25 2004,08:54)]http://acclaimimages.com/_gallery/_SM/0018-0404-1111-4722_SM.jpg
I'd get one of those but my family would kill me, literally. Damn Yanks http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/tongue.gif
But I do have a picture of Jefferson Davis hangin' in my room http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif
-Capo

[Lord Ovaat]

Very true; southern Appalachia is beautiful in the Fall. And all the abandoned vehicles add a splash of rust color to the vibrant foliage. http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif

[Teutonic Knight]

Quote[/b] (Lord Ovaat @ June 25 2004,10:52)]Very true; southern Appalachia is beautiful in the Fall. And all the abandoned vehicles add a splash of rust color to the vibrant foliage. http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif
OMG I'm ROFL http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-laugh4.gif


wait a minute.... http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-brood.gif

[Dhepee]

Quote[/b] (Caporegime1984 @ June 25 2004,10:29)]
Quote[/b] (Teutonic Knight @ June 25 2004,08:54)]http://acclaimimages.com/_gallery/_SM/0018-0404-1111-4722_SM.jpg
I'd get one of those but my family would kill me, literally. Damn Yanks http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/tongue.gif
But I do have a picture of Jefferson Davis hangin' in my room http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif
-Capo
Does the make you the Confederate Mafioso? http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/wave.gif

[Teutonic Knight]

Quote[/b] (Dhepee @ June 25 2004,11:07)]
Quote[/b] (Caporegime1984 @ June 25 2004,10:29)]
Quote[/b] (Teutonic Knight @ June 25 2004,08:54)]http://acclaimimages.com/_gallery/_SM/0018-0404-1111-4722_SM.jpg
I'd get one of those but my family would kill me, literally. Damn Yanks http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/tongue.gif
But I do have a picture of Jefferson Davis hangin' in my room http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif
-Capo
Does the make you the Confederate Mafioso? http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/wave.gif
actually I have a confederate flag in my desk on a little flagpole, next to my NRA stickers http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/biggrin.gif (honestly)

[Kaiser of Arabia]

Quote[/b] (Dhepee @ June 25 2004,10:07)]
Quote[/b] (Caporegime1984 @ June 25 2004,10:29)]
Quote[/b] (Teutonic Knight @ June 25 2004,08:54)]http://acclaimimages.com/_gallery/_SM/0018-0404-1111-4722_SM.jpg
I'd get one of those but my family would kill me, literally. Damn Yanks http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/tongue.gif
But I do have a picture of Jefferson Davis hangin' in my room http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif
-Capo
Does the make you the Confederate Mafioso? http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/wave.gif
I guess it does, dosn't it?
*Goes off singin' dixieland*
Oh, and TK, here's a site ya might like
http://confederatewarehouse.com/
Enjoy
-Capo

[ElmarkOFear]

LOL Yup them banjo's be dangerous things to hear in the Appalachian mountains SQUEAL :)

Actually Ovaat, its not the rusty cars that make the appalachian area so pretty against the fall foliage: It is the nice contrast the golden-red foliage has against the white of the many abandoned refrigerators and washer/dryers you find along the roadside. :)

[Teutonic Knight]

http://confederatewarehouse.com/clothing/shirts/SPProud.jpg

http://confederatewarehouse.com/9052_usa_flag_.gif


http://confederatewarehouse.com/StarsBars1.gif

[ElmarkOFear]

No true Confederate would ever be caught dead in a City who just won the Stanley Cup hehe :)

[Teutonic Knight]

nah, it just means we can beat the damn yanks at their own game http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/bigthumb.gif

[Lord Ovaat]

Quote[/b] ]Actually Ovaat, its not the rusty cars that make the appalachian area so pretty against the fall foliage: It is the nice contrast the golden-red foliage has against the white of the many abandoned refrigerators and washer/dryers you find along the roadside. :)

I grant you that used appliances do add somewhat of a flair and vivid contrast to the natural landscape, particulary when silhouetted against a backdrop of stuffed furniture on the front porch. However, that being said, they tend to add little color of their own, unless the appliances are of a nataural tint, such as rust, burgandy, aqua, yellow, etc. And it is given that rich, floral patterns in a sofa can add luster to any Appalachian Autumn scene. http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/bigthumb.gif

[ElmarkOFear]

Sniff Sniff Oh Ovaat, all the old memories of the homestead came rushing back to me when I read your wonderful description of those carefree days in the old holler. Makes me yearn for the slightly metallic taste of a brand new batch of Shine fresh from the rusty still out back. All topped off with some lead-based paint chips from the porch. Just can't find any of those healthy treats in the stores today. Them water-based acrylic paint chips just don't have that Zing.

http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/wacko.gif

[LordKarolinger]

surprised I didn't look at this thread sooner considering I am from Louisville also.

[ElmarkOFear]

Hi Karolinger We must get together sometime and have a drink. :) I am an electrician at the Ford Plant on Fern Valley Road. Live over in the PRP/Valley area. Nice to see some good ole Louisville boys playing this fine game. http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/cool.gif

[Kraellin]

you can tell elmo isnt really from kentucky; he spells louisville correctly ;)

[ElmarkOFear]

I'm from the White Ghetto of Louisville. Mamma always done told me to use that thar proper English and Gramm'r. :) Needless ta say she kinda bit dis-O'pointed in me. woot ehehehe So Kraellin, when are You, Myself, Strike and now Karolinger going to get together before the summers out. Let me know and I will take a weekend day off to come visit with you guys.

[LordKarolinger]

I've been to the ford plant a few times since my uncle used to work there. I'd love to have a drink but considering I am 14 things might end badly http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-hanged.gif I live around 10-15 minutes (depends on traffic) away from downtown off Lexington Road (two seminaries by it).

[ElmarkOFear]

LOL Karolinger, guess we will have to wait a bit on that drink then (7 years). Kraellin and I will have a drink for ya. I will be trying to get some of the area gang together sometime this summer. If I pull it off, maybe your parents can come join us in the first Kentucky: Total War meeting. http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif

[Kraellin]

Quote[/b] ]Kentucky: Total War isnt that redundant? ;)

K.

[LordKarolinger]

on topic..
You might be from Kentucky if the highlight of your Fourth of July is sitting outside on your grandparent's porch hoping neither their slightly overweight, old, half-naked neighbor Larry sitting on his porch with a German Shepard at his feet or the other guy with about twenty kids tries to come over. -an oddly true story http://www.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/gc-inquisitive.gif

[ElmarkOFear]

LOL I just LOVE Kentucky

Hatfield vs. McCoy Total War? :)

[Kraellin]

ok elmo, you've infected my mind. here's a recent reply i made in the apothecary while trying to help a person out:

kentucky help (https://forums.totalwar.org/cgi-bin/forum/ikonboard.cgi?act=ST;f=2;t=23847)

scroll down to the bottom :)

K.

[Oaty]

When the judge finally aprroves the divorce the judge announces I now pronounce you brother and sister once again

[Crazed Rabbit]

You might be a redneck if...
All the people in town look similar to you and you all call each other 'cousin'.

Also-those descriptions of cars and appliances sound troublingly familar to my neighbor's yard. https://forums.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/frown.gif

Crazed Rabbit

[ElmarkOFear]

LOL Kraellin, Your info helped Once I took the beer out of the cd drive I stopped getting those spontaneous reboots Thanks

You might be from Kentucky if . . ..

Donald Trump moves in next to you and you are heard to say . . . There goes the neighborhood

https://forums.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/wave.gif

[Kraellin]

hehehe, elmo :)

oh, and you wont hear a motor start up when you hit 'START' in windows :)

K.

[Kaiser of Arabia]

Your from Kentucky if...

You think Sherlock Holmes is a
housing project down in Biloxi.

You think a stock tip is
advice on worming' your hogs.

You've been married three times
and still have the same in-laws.

You think TACO BELL is
the Mexican Phone Company

Your state's got a new law that says when a couple
get divorced, they are still legally brother and sister.

Your house still has the
WIDE LOAD
sign on the back.

You got stopped by a state trooper.
He asked you if you had an I.D.
And you said, 'Bout What?'

Non
Athletic
Sport
Created
Around
Rednecks

You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.

Your sister is the third generation
of women in your family to conceive
a baby as a result of an alien abduction.

If you can burp
and say your name at the same time,
you're shur'nuff a redneck.

You think Possum is
The Other White Meat

You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.

You hooked up with your present girlfriend
as a result of a message on the wall of
the mens' room at the Flying J Truck Stop.

The centerpiece on your dining room table
is an original signed work
by a famous taxidermist.


You think a quarter horse is
a ride out in front of the Wal-Mart.

You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it's wheels.

Your huntin dawg had a litter of puppies in the living room and nobody noticed.

You think safe sex is a padded headboard.

You think subdivision is part of a math problem.

You think there's nothin wrong with incest
as long as you keep it in the family.

Taking your wife on a cruise
means circling the Dairy Queen.

You may be a Redneck if ...
You and your dog use the same tree.

You think God looks a lot like Hank Williams, Jr., and heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach, Florida.

You think the last words to
The Star Spangled Banner are
Gentlemen, start your engines.

Your father executes the pull my finger
trick during Christmas dinner.

You believe dual air bags refer
to your wife and mother-in-law.

You've got more than
one brother named 'Darryl'.

You think the OJ Trial was a
Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.

You were acquitted for murdering
your first wife after she threw
out your Elvis 8-tracks.

You think watching professional
wrestling is foreplay.

Your grandfather died and left everything to his widow.
But she can't touch it until she's fourteen.

Your front porch collapses
and four dogs git killed.

The people on Jerry Springer's show
remind you of your neighbors

Your kids take a siphon hose
to Show and Tell.

You've ever had to scratch your sisters
name out of a message that begins,
For a good time time call...

You know yer a redneck when you take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took

Your whole family is Democrats
except little Mary.
She lernt to readin'.

You think fast food is hitting a possum at 65 mph.

You can get dog hair from out of your belly button.

You have a bumper sticker that says,
MY MOTHER'S AN HONOR STUDENT
AT SOUTH LITTLE ROCK JR. HIGH.

You take a six-pack cooler to church.

Your family tree has no forks.

You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since Smokey and the Bandit was snubbed for best picture.

You had to remove a toothpick
for your wedding pictures.

You use a weedeater in your living room.

You consider your license plate personalized because
your dad made it in prison.

You have a rag for a gas cap.

The blue book value of your truck goes up and down
depending on how much gas it has in it.

The third grade teacher says little Bubba
could be a mathematical genius
because he's got thirteen fingers.

Fifth grade was the best six years of your life.

You have to go outside to get
something out of the 'fridge.

A seven course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.

One of your kids was born on a pool table.

You have spray painted your
girlfriend's name on an overpass.

Your lifetime goal is
to own a fireworks stand.

Someone asks to see your ID and you
show them your belt buckle.

Your dad walks you to school because
you are both in the same grade.

Mailpouch sends you Christmas cards.

Down where you come from reruns of
Hee Haw are called documentaries.

Your house doesn't have curtains,
but your truck does.

You need one more hole punched in your card
to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

You have flowers planted in a
bathroom fixture in your front yard.

On your first date you had to ask your
Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.

You think the Mountain Men in Deliverance
were just misunderstood.

If you refer to the fifth grade
as, your senior year.

Three quarters of the clothes you
own have LOGOS on them.

The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.

Your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.

Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

You've been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.

You just bought an 8-track
player to put in your truck.

You've ever climbed a water tower
with a bucket of paint
to defend your sister's honor.

It's easier to spray weed killer
on your lawn than mow it.

You think the three primary colors are
John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray.

Your pickup has a two-tone paint job
-- primer red and primer gray.

Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart
'cause there is a law against it.

You've been on TV more than 5 times
describing the sound of a tornado.

The beer can collection in the
town museum is the big tourist attraction.

You dated your daddy's current wife in high school.

Your aunt and your grandmother went to the funeral and had a fight over who gets to be the widow.

You can tell your age by the
number of rings in the bathtub.

You may be a redneck if you ever
used a toilet brush as a back scratcher.

You can change the oil in your truck
without ducking your head.

During your senior year you and
your mother had homeroom together.

You're a lite beer drinker 'cause you start drinkin beer when it gets light.

You think the stock market
has fence around it.

Your stereo speakers used to belong
to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.

You own a homemade fur coat.

Your entire family has ever sat around
waiting for a call from the Governor
to spare a loved one.

Your wife has ever said,
Come move this transmission
so I can take a bath.

You think loading the dishwasher
means getting your wife drunk.

YOU REFER TO THE TIME YOU WON
A FREE CASE OF MOTOR OIL AS
THE DAY MY SHIP CAME IN.

The FBI surrounded your trailer park
twice so far this year.

You use a NASCAR credit card.

Your brother-in-law is your uncle
AND your grandfather.

you might be a redneck if....
Your parents met at a family reunion.

You believe that beef jerky and Moon Pies
are two of the major food groups.

You stare at an orange juice container
because it says, CONCENTRATE.

YOUR IDEA OF HIGH-QUALITY ENTERTAINMENT
IS A SIX-PACK AND A BUG-ZAPPER.

You wonder how service stations
keep their restrooms so clean.

Anyone in your family died right
after saying, Hey, y'all watch this.

You couldn't learn to swim
because
your gene pool is too small.

Your wife's job requires her
to wear an orange vest.

You have the local taxidermist's
number on speed dial.

On Thanksgiving Day you have
to decide which pet to eat.

Your school fight song isDueling Banjos.

You think taking out the trash
means taking your in-laws to a movie.

Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.

You got Clapper devices controlling
the appliances in your house.

You think a hot tub is
a stolen bathroom fixture.

The gas pedal on your car
is shaped like a bare foot.

They just raised the drinking age in your state to 32 on account of they wanted to keep alcohol out of the schools

You hammer bottle caps into the
frame of your front door to make it look nice.

The Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice.

The taillight covers of your car
are made of red tape.

You have every episode of Hee-Haw on tape.

You've ever been involved in a
custody fight over a hunting dog.

The KKK kicked you out for being a bigot.

You think a turtleneck is
a key ingredient for soup.

You think the French
Riviera is a foreign car.

Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

You no longer drink wine ever since
the screw cap got caught up your nose.

You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.

That billboard that says,
SAY NO TO CRACK
reminds you to pull up your jeans.

Your wife's hairdo was once ruined
by a ceiling fan.

You go to your family reunion
looking for a date.

You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.

Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.

Your high school basketball game got rained out.

You've got more than three cousins
named 'Bubba'.

You have a close relative named Cletus.

You ever won first prize in a tobacco spittin contest.

You wish your outhouse was as nice
as those at the state park.

Last year you hid yer kids'
Easter eggs under cow pies.

Your family always goes to the movies in groups of 18 or
more 'cause they were told 17 and under are not admitted.

Jack Daniels makes your list
of Most Admired People

Your dog can't watch you eat
without getting sick.

You think the winter olympic sport of curling
is part of the Big Hair competition.

When you was little, your front yard got toilet papered
and your momma thought it was a gift from God.

You've painted a car with house paint.

You're banned from the Memphis Zoo because you disturb the monkeys.

You ever named a child after a dog.

You have more belt-buckles than pants.

You removed the back seat from your
car so all yer kids could fit in.

You think taking a bubble bath starts
with eating beans for dinner.

Your child's first words were
Attention K-Mart shoppers

YOU'VE EVER COME HOME
AND FOUND CRIME SCENE TAPE
ACROSS YOUR FRONT PORCH.

You think a woman who is
out of your league
bowls on a different night.


Dueling Banjos Midi (http://www.discoverynet.com/~ajsnead/allsongs_1/dueling.html)

[ElmarkOFear]

LOL I hope you copied and pasted all that Capo hehe Sounds like the full Jeff Foxworthy collection there wooooo https://forums.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif

[Kraellin]

i think he's got the foxworthy quote of the day toilet paper ;)

K.

[Kaiser of Arabia]

Quote[/b] (ElmarkOFear @ July 25 2004,21:01)]LOL I hope you copied and pasted all that Capo hehe Sounds like the full Jeff Foxworthy collection there wooooo https://forums.totalwar.org/forum/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif
Yup.