Dating ettiquett in Canada

[Byzantine Prince]

Hi, this is for Canadians but others can post too. Ok my problem for today is who pays on a date. The guy, the girl(lol), or each for their own? That's one of the hardest questions I think. Also how do you know if the girl wants to pay for her own? Maybe she get's offended when you start being all posesive. ~:)

[Papewaio]

They say they want to be treated equal but at the end of the day they like a guy who can look after them and the potential brood.

[Cygnus X-1]

Hahah, there's a simple answer my friend:

ASK HER!

If you don't mind paying for the date, bring enough money to do so. Then, when it comes to paying for whatever meal/service/whatever you have to pay for, ask her how you want to do this. Express that you've got no problem paying for her, as you've brought enough anyway.

This way, you retain your 'gentleman' points, and she doesn't feel like she's trapped in the 50s. ~:joker:

[Byzantine Prince]

Well asking is kind awkward isn't it? How is the best way to phrase it?

[Togakure]

Well it kind of depends on the setting and the nature of your relationship up to that point, but how 'bout:

"I've really enjoyed your company tonight. May I have the honor of covering the expenses for this fine evening?"

Eye contact, a smile, and tone of voice are important. Depending on how far along the two of you are, a soft well-timed touch on the hand can work wonders.

This would be ridiculous if you just had burgers after a uni football game, but I think you know what I mean. There really isn't one or a few "right" ways. I think the important thing is to be genuine and that the desire to pay be because you want to show your appreciation for her time and company--not to prove how cool or financially capable you are.

[Byzantine Prince]

Yes that's exactly it. I don't want to seem all "I'm cool with it". BUT this is the first date so I don't want it to be weird. It would be pretty awkward to say how would like to pay. Or how do we cover the expenses. Oh whatever I'll just pay it's not that much anyways. It would probably only like 9 dollars. Big deal. I just hope she likes me.

[Steppe Merc]

Always offer to pay. I've never been on an actual date, but it's the nice thing to do.

[IrishMike]

It really impresses the ladies when you pay. They may not show it, but trust me, they love it.

[Togakure]

Something I've done in the past is pay beforehand. After being seated, I'd ask to be excused for a moment so I could wash my hands, give my credit card to the hostess, and ask her to have the bill charged to it and to add x% gratuity. I pick up the card on our way out. Never been a problem.

If she's not happy about you paying, then you have a slight problem. If you're a charmer, you can always smile and say, "well, how bout you get the next one?" If she agrees then you're doin' good. If not, well, no point in fighting about it--let her do what she wants. A restaurant should have no problems accommodating changes.

Be yourself, demonstrate that you enjoy her company, and have fun. Do what you can to make her laugh and feel special! Good luck.

Oh, and don't tell her she dances fine for a white girl. :embarassed:

[ichi]

Cygnus is right.

When time comes to pay bust out with the cash (or beaver pelts, which is what I understand Canadians use for currency) smoothly and look her in the eyes and say 'is it OK if I take you out tonite?'.

Make it so that she knows that you would like to pick up the tab, but that you want to make sure she is alright with that.

Don't let it seem like you don't know what to do.

Mrs ichi stopped by and read the thread and she said she agreed with TO .

ichi :bow:

[Byzantine Prince]

Thanks Toga. I'll remember that for the future. I still don't have a credit card :embarassed: . She won't get angry or anything, she's a really sweet girl. She might even offer to pay herself for all I know. It won't be a lame dinner date for the most part anyways. We'll probably go to the park afterwards and sit in the sun and talk. Youth is so simple. Nothing like just lying on the grass and having a nice conversation. Maybe when we're a couple I'll post some pics, maybe.

[Togakure]

Sounds to me like you'll do just fine ~:).

[ichi]

I concur, except I was wondering about your post in the Procrastinators thread where you said you put off taking showers - might want to revisit that policy ~:)

ichi ~:cheers:

[Byzantine Prince]

Well only when absolutely unnecessary I avoid them. I won't be making that mistake. Thanks Ichi. :bow:

[ichi]

j/k mate. and good luck

ichi :bow:

[Beirut]

Grasshopper, TogakureOjonin shows wisdom and style. I concur. :bow:

In my small town there were three restaurants, but one was really nice. Everything cooked in a wood oven right in front of you. Pretty expensive though. So I always took the women there for the first date. When it came time to pay, they always offered to help, my excuse was that I had a very good week at work and was more than delighted to pick up the bill. I found this made me look generous and hard working but not like yuppie scum waiving around the hundred dollar bills.

Sometimes, if it was the second or third date, I went and saw the owner in advance, who I knew, and left him $150 (no credit cards for Beirut) and told him if the bill was more than that I'd be back the next day to cover it. Always nice to finish dinner, put your coat on and just walk out while the owner smiles and says goodnight. No money stuff to spoil the mood.

Oh, and if you're with a women who doesn't like you holding the door for her, tell her she has no choice. Smile and be unmovable. The first time she sees you stand in the rain and hold the door for a old lady with her groceries, or better yet help with the groceries, she'll understand. I have done this all my life and make no mistake, the women love it. (Also, my father would rise from the grave and kill me if I ever walked through the door and let it swing back on a woman.)

[SwordsMaster]

and left him $150

One 150 bill? ~D I don´t like credit cards either. Mainly because I never know how much money there is left, and I´m just too lazy to walk to the ATM. On the other hand, the closest ATM is 3 miles away...

[Beirut]

When I said no credit cards for Beirut, it wasn't because I don't like them - it's because they don't like me.

[Hosakawa Tito]

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v517/hoppy84/canadian.jpg
Here's a pic of Beirut waiting for his latest blind date to show up.

[frogbeastegg]

A bit late maybe, but here's the frog's 2p. Paying is good; my poor dear boyfriend has insisted on paying for damned near everything aside from raw cooking ingredients in the last two and a half years and I adore him for it. Because I like the poor dear I never try to bankrupt him :winkg: As for why I like the poor thing paying, well that's probably rather long and boring so I will spare you, but it's nothing to do with me being a cheapskate or wondering about him as a provider, and more about a sign of how serious his interest in me is. That innocent sounding category breaks up into quite a mess, parts of it probably only relevant to this quite wary frog. Plus I'm also a sucker for gentlemen type stuff.

But that said if she does want to split the bill or pay for something herself, let her. Spending ten minutes trying to convince your lovable male pet (:tongueg:) to let you pay for dinner for once is highly annoying; I know - been there, got fed up of that. The erm, 'war' lasted several weeks of running skirmishes and ended up with a peace agreement that's quite complex despite its apparant simplicity.

[Beirut]

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v517/hoppy84/canadian.jpg
Here's a pic of Beirut waiting for his latest blind date to show up.

Do you think it's only a coincidence what I call my sweetie?

:toff: "I'm home deer!"

[Hosakawa Tito]

Beirut you are priceless. :laugh4:

[Kaiser of Arabia]

Beeruit, you ARE pricless

[Kaiser of Arabia]

***priceless**** sorry

[Hosakawa Tito]

Thank you Kaiser. :thumbsup:

[Kaiser of Arabia]

Not a problem.

[Togakure]

ROFLMAO! I was about to write today off as "Sunday Boring Sunday" at the Org, but this last exchange inspired a hearty laugh. Thanks guys.

[Navaros]

i'd never pay for a girl if it was a first date or if i barely knew her

paying in that case could end up with you flushing that money down the toilet

better to let pay for herself. and if she wants to pay for you also, then let her. most girls won't offer that though, so chances are you have to pay for yourself. that's acceptable

if on the other hand, she is a girl who you have a long-term relationship and/or are "getting some" from - in that case it may be worthwhile to pay for her occassionally

in short: if you don't know her, don't pay for her. but if you are getting some benefits from knowing her, then give it some thought.

[Cygnus X-1]

i'd never pay for a girl if it was a first date or if i barely knew her

paying in that case could end up with you flushing that money down the toilet

better to let pay for herself. and if she wants to pay for you also, then let her. most girls won't offer that though, so chances are you have to pay for yourself. that's acceptable

if on the other hand, she is a girl who you have a long-term relationship and/or are "getting some" from - in that case it may be worthwhile to pay for her occassionally

in short: if you don't know her, don't pay for her. but if you are getting some benefits from knowing her, then give it some thought.

Hahahah, wow, that's a...er... different attitude. ~:joker:

I mean, in theory it make's a lot of sense. But if the girl likes the fact you pay for her *points to Frog*, isn't it possible that the act of paying for her could result in you 'getting some'?

[ah_dut]

I mean, in theory it make's a lot of sense. But if the girl likes the fact you pay for her *points to Frog*, isn't it possible that the act of paying for her could result in you 'getting some'?
I shall allow you to know that Nav is a christian fundamentalist...therefore I wouldn't be worried about the 'getting some' unless it's his wife ~;)

[Cygnus X-1]

I shall allow you to know that Nav is a christian fundamentalist...therefore I wouldn't be worried about the 'getting some' unless it's his wife ~;)

Hmm...ok... *thinks* *rewords question*

Isn't it possible that paying for her could ultimately result in her getting closer to you, and potentially falling in love and marrying you? ~;) ~:joker:

[Spino]

Generally if I ask the girl out I foot the bill for the date, even if she offers to pay for all or some of it.

About the only time I'll let the woman pay or split the bill is if she asked me out on the date or she's a terrible date and I cannot bear the thought of rewarding her behavior with a free meal.

I had an absolutely awful date with a girl this past summer. She was attractive and intelligent but the entire time she either talked about herself or readily offered unsolicited opinions about my life and what I should do with it. She also had way too much attitude, something I only discovered while on the date. I found her attitude especially amusing considering she was thirty-something and her best years were behind her. At the end of the meal I was so disgusted with her dating etiquette (or lack thereof) I suggested we split the bill, I figured one faux pas deserves another. If it was any worse I would have got up and left and thrown some money on the table to cover my half of the bill. Truth be told despite her poor manners and bad form a part of me wanted to go through the motions just to get some tail out of the deal (she was attractive). Given that I worked in relatively close proximity to her I didn't want to run the risk of getting labeled by the estrogen grapevine.

[Byzantine Prince]

i'd never pay for a girl if it was a first date or if i barely knew her

paying in that case could end up with you flushing that money down the toilet

better to let pay for herself. and if she wants to pay for you also, then let her. most girls won't offer that though, so chances are you have to pay for yourself. that's acceptable

if on the other hand, she is a girl who you have a long-term relationship and/or are "getting some" from - in that case it may be worthwhile to pay for her occassionally

in short: if you don't know her, don't pay for her. but if you are getting some benefits from knowing her, then give it some thought.

9 CND dollars are not a lot guy. I can afford to pay that for once. I spend that much on cigarettes anyways.

[Navaros]

9 CND dollars are not a lot guy. I can afford to pay that for once. I spend that much on cigarettes anyways.

it's not about being able to afford to or not

it's about the principle of knowing you may have wasted that money and feel really really stupid afterwards if you never talk to her again after your first date because she doesn't like you

let's be honest here...paying for a girl or not on the first date is not going to determine whether she continues to see you or not.

the main factor will be your looks.

the other factors will be how you talk to her etc.

it won't be a good feeling to know you wasted 9 dollars of your money on a girl who doesn't even like you. in the unfortunate event that she ends up not liking you after your date. it's not the dollar amount that will bug you. it's the principle of wasting your good money on a lost cause. well at least that's how i'd feel if that happened to me. :dizzy2:

[Kaiser of Arabia]

9 CND dollars are not a lot guy. I can afford to pay that for once. I spend that much on cigarettes anyways.
SMOKER! :furious3: ~:eek: :jawdrop: :stwmean: :rtwno: :wink2:

[Somebody Else]

I always pay, always. Even if I have to argue about it. Any time I feel I'm hosting - taking a girl out, taking friends out in my home town, whatever. Sometimes they get in and pay the bill before me, when I go to the loo or something - that vexes me.

*edit* I have never had an instance where, despite heavy protestation from the girl, I payed - and wound up being anything but liked for it.

[Hurin_Rules]

I'd have to reiterate what Froggy and others are saying:

Always offer to pay (if not, many women will think you're cheap), but don't insist too hard if she seems to be offended (if not, some women will think you're a chauvinist pig).

I use something like, "That was really great/fun; let me get the cheque."

This lets her know you're willing to pay but not expecting anything from it (even if you really are).

You can also just go for the cheque without saying anything; if she wants to insist on paying, she'll let you know.

Is it fair to have to offer to pay for it all? Not really; women should be paying the same as men. But if you want to get anywhere, you usually have to be a man and suck it up. ~:cheers: