Confessions of a mad man...

[Mikeus Caesar]

Many of you here probably know me as the happy, slightly psychopathic person who likes to have a laugh and basically have fun, but there is another side to me, a side that you don't know, and that i need help with. I suffer from hideous depression. I feel as if there is no point going on, and continually slash my arms with blades. I've even tried commiting suicide once, and i just can't take it anymore. Heh, look on the bright side though, if i choose to die, i probably won't die alone, as my Girlfriend is suicidal too, so we'd probably arrange a suicide pact. Some nights, i just sit in the dark, with drips of blood running down my arm, wondering why i bother going on with life. So, i was wondering, what the hell should i do? I refuse to see a psychiatrist, as my belief is that they'll tear my life even more apart. Please help...

PS Mods, if you feel this is inappropiate, feel free to close it.

[Byzantine Prince]

I think you might suffer from a severe case of incompetence.

Keep it up man. ~:cheers:

[Mikeus Caesar]

If you're accusing me of being an attention seeker, go ahead. That's all anyone ever does. But why would i be seeking attention? I hate attention. All i want is someone to give me a miracle cure, so i can just leave all this horribleness behind...

[Byzantine Prince]

HAHA, go out into the world, have sex with your girlfriend, sit in the sun, awtch some porn, do some weed, and start living.

Life is 100 times too short to be suicidal. ~:)

[IrishMike]

I don't think your an attention seeker. But there is no miracle cure, just one long long road before you. First off if you haven't found something to look forward to every day when you wake up, I would if I were you. It helps drastically with depression. No matter what it gives you something to live for.

[Dutch_guy]

well what you can try to do is just talk about how you feel with your parents, talking about problems is way better than just keepin them in.
you can even try talking about it with your gf, who obviously feels the same way about life as you do.
Also why do you and your gf want to kill yourself , you are probably not even 18 yet ( just guessin here ) you haven't even seen a lot of the world yet, how can you know there is nothing worth living for?
Depressions pas, they always do - the good always outbalances the bad , you just tend to think about the bad more ~;)

Also seeing a shrink or something like that ( maybe even with your gf ) might be a good thing, just try it once - if it doesn't feel good then don't do it anymore.

hope that helps,

:balloon2:

[InsaneApache]

Listen...and listen good ...you are a long time dead.....so revel in life, no matter how bad it seems, ...it is life. Anything else in your head is just phuwey.

Above all,never, and I mean never,fall for the shit the religionist call an afterlife.....this is it man ....go celebrate and love.

BTW I'm 45 yo how old r u?

[Tricky Lady]

Well, I agree with what's been said by Dutch_Guy, InsaneApache and ColdKnight: life offers just too much to give it up (that early, because IIRC you're still pretty young, aren't you?).
Do you know where those "dark thoughts" come from? School? Relation with parents? I suggest you find someone you can talk to (not necessarily a pro like a psychiater, but a good friend for instance). I have suffered from a depression too, and I am so happy that I have a couple of good friends who talked me through it. Just try to see the positive sides again. Start small (sun shines? people smiling?) and you'll get there in the end.
But finding someone to talk to is very important imho.

Or just keep on posting here if that helps. There will be plenty of people with good advice dropping by.

PS. Just noticed: 7 views & 6 posts :smiley:

[Beirut]

At least rejoice that no matter how bad off you think you might be, you're not even close to being as abysmally deficient in manners and personality as some who post on this forum. Or even this thread. ~;)

One day at a time my brother. Always know that you don't need to do it today because you can always do it tomorrow. That gives you one more day of reflection and thought. One more day to find an excuse to keep going. One more day where you have beat the dark cloud that follows you around.

Find comfort in something, anything, and draw your strength from it. Be it music, a cup of coffee, the ability to sit and think for a minute, anything at all. You can find strength to outwit the beast of depression in some very odd places. Sometimes, you can even find the strength in the beast itself. The feeling that keeps you sitting alone, thinking, is a powerful one. And it is yours. Your ability to reflect and think is both your worst enemy and your best line of defence. You need to learn to harness it and control it. In the end you will own your depression as opposed to it owning you. Slim satisfaction perhaps, but it's a one step at a time process.

You can always try the pill route, some people do very well with it. others simply need a horrendous kick in the ass and change of lifestyle. The problem is that when you are so down you have neither the energy or inclination to do the things that will help, but if you are to survive you are going to need to find that energy somewhere.

It never goes away, but it can be handled and even laughed at. If you keep in mind that you are your own worst enemy, then you must also accept that you are your own best friend.

This is a battle for your life and you must at least have the courage of your convictions. If you really want to end things then that's that. It's your choice. But if you have any doubt whatsoever, then you have the responsibility to your own peace of mind to fight as best you can and use your brains and any tool you can to overcome the problem. There are people who will help if you let them. What have you got to lose? Your self respect? In the position you are in your self respect needs a kick in the ass either from others or from yourself, don't use your present frame of mind as a basis for decision. Better it then use it.

Give yourself time. things will change. find the patience to wait and find the strength to just relax. hell, get a bag of chips and watch some Monty Python. Do anything that will change your mood even by 1%. Those 1% add up.

And always, always ignore the doofuses who tell you that you're just lazy or incompetent. They prove their outstanding ignorance every time they speak.

[Kagemusha]

Mikeus-san.I have one advice that have helped me when ive been depressed myself.If its possible travel.Break off from your every day routiness.Go do things you havent experiensed yet and see places you havent seen before.After a while coming back to your old routines can be even a relief.Death is not an answer ,Death is Death. :bow:

[Byzantine Prince]

Being depressed is just caused by chemicals; it's fake! It's an illusion. The sooner you realize this the more you'll see how life is great.

Again I refer you to my second post, because I think I made a great point(if I might say so :smug:)

=Byzantine Prince
HAHA, go out into the world, have sex with your girlfriend, sit in the sun, awtch some porn, do some weed, and start living.

Life is 100 times too short to be suicidal.

Sorry for my rude initial post, that's just the kind of great guy I can be sometimes.

[ah_dut]

My best piece of advice is to focus on your passions if you don't have one, find it.

I mean I was fairly messed up (still am) but you know what I found? weightlifting and Pink Floyd, hell they even go together. Most of my rugby team friends lift weights and I go with them, it's fun, social and well we all get stronger (apart from the odd eejit who overtrains like there's no tommorow) and better looking. Trust me though, if you don't like weights after a few sessions it probably isn't for you. Never get pressured into doing something like weights or rugby...thaty's just silly.

Brighten up, at least you have a girlfriend unlike me...my ex is attempting to knock my block off, let's just leave it at that...laughs

[Cygnus X-1]

At least rejoice that no matter how bad off you think you might be, you're not even close to being as abysmally deficient in manners and personality as some who post on this forum. Or even this thread. ~;)

One day at a time my brother. Always know that you don't need to do it today because you can always do it tomorrow. That gives you one more day of reflection and thought. One more day to find an excuse to keep going. One more day where you have beat the dark cloud that follows you around.

Find comfort in something, anything, and draw your strength from it. Be it music, a cup of coffee, the ability to sit and think for a minute, anything at all. You can find strength to outwit the beast of depression in some very odd places. Sometimes, you can even find the strength in the beast itself. The feeling that keeps you sitting alone, thinking, is a powerful one. And it is yours. Your ability to reflect and think is both your worst enemy and your best line of defence. You need to learn to harness it and control it. In the end you will own your depression as opposed to it owning you. Slim satisfaction perhaps, but it's a one step at a time process.

You can always try the pill route, some people do very well with it. others simply need a horrendous kick in the ass and change of lifestyle. The problem is that when you are so down you have neither the energy or inclination to do the things that will help, but if you are to survive you are going to need to find that energy somewhere.

It never goes away, but it can be handled and even laughed at. If you keep in mind that you are your own worst enemy, then you must also accept that you are your own best friend.

This is a battle for your life and you must at least have the courage of your convictions. If you really want to end things then that's that. It's your choice. But if you have any doubt whatsoever, then you have the responsibility to your own peace of mind to fight as best you can and use your brains and any tool you can to overcome the problem. There are people who will help if you let them. What have you got to lose? Your self respect? In the position you are in your self respect needs a kick in the ass either from others or from yourself, don't use your present frame of mind as a basis for decision. Better it then use it.

Give yourself time. things will change. find the patience to wait and find the strength to just relax. hell, get a bag of chips and watch some Monty Python. Do anything that will change your mood even by 1%. Those 1% add up.

And always, always ignore the doofuses who tell you that you're just lazy or incompetent. They prove their outstanding ignorance every time they speak.

Having also gone through depression (not chemical, reactionary), i can honestly say this is the best piece of advice suggested thus far. I would add to it, but i can't. I really hope you consider Beirut's words.


Being depressed is just caused by chemicals; it's fake! It's an illusion. The sooner you realize this the more you'll see how life is great.

That's fairly short sighted.
Firstly, if it is 'only' caused by chemicals, surely there is nothing he can do at all to stop it, as the chemicals would prevent it.
Secondly, there is also a reactionary form of depression in which events and memories cause you to feel like that. It's unfair to write something off as 'an illusion' when it isn't.

[Templar Knight]

I was on the point of suicide last year, but I'm still here. Just keep your head up high - things do get better!

[Big King Sanctaphrax]

I would reconsider the psychiatry thing if I were you Mikeus. It's a disease-like any other-and to get well, you will need medical help. If your depression if chemical, then some of the mood-altering drugs available can really help.

[HunkinElvis]

Travelling and listening to music can help. Remember that you have a girlfriend and you care for each other. You should cherish that. Look at the bright side of life.
I can tell from the replies above that there are people who worry for you.

[Uesugi Kenshin]

Mikeus even if you cannot bring yourself to see a professional try talking to someone. Whatever you do don't cut yourself or attempt suicide. It is just a waste and will perpetuate your depression. If you can just keep yourself alive, find something or someone to live for and maybe even eventually see a pr. You will find that no matter how bad life is it is still worth it. Relish life, you only get one chance and then you are done. Eventually things will improve, they always do.

Don't welcome death, it has nothing to offer you. You should instead welcome life and relish all its joys and sorrows.

[Roark]

All i want is someone to give me a miracle cure, so i can just leave all this horribleness behind...

Wouldn't that be fantastic... This is all I wanted when I was punching smack up my arm. 7 years later I still occasionally crave it, but I'm in a much safer "zone" mentally. Most things that are really worthwhile in life take hard work, but the rewards speak for themselves.

Despite InsaneApache's axe-grinding, I think that spirituality can play an important and positive role in a man's life.

There's some very good advice above. If I were you, I would take advantage of everything and anything you have at your disposal to combat this affliction. Medicine, counselling, prayer, music... ANYTHING. Try to avoid unnecessary influences which tend to worsen your condition, and you'll be giving yourself a head start.

Take care mate.

[CBR]

I refuse to see a psychiatrist, as my belief is that they'll tear my life even more apart. Please help...

I'd strongly advice you to get some help ASAP. The longer you live with an untreated depression the more it damages the brain and makes it worse and/or more likely to get another depression later on.

Mental illness is something that is generally not talked about and hidden away as its a big taboo for most people but that should not stop you from seeking help. You might feel its not worth it or be afraid of what it will bring but help is what you need.

Sure there are people who have managed to deal with it without help but as its your life there is no need to risk it by not seeking help. If you cut yourself continually as you say then it could be even more than just a depression as its just the symptom.

To "refuse to see a psychiatrist" is simply not an option and it doesnt matter what arguments you come up with. Its time for you to do some healing time and that starts with you going to see a doctor.

You need to find out what is wrong with you and start the proper treatment and there is no reason to be afraid of it as it will help you.

I know it can even feel comfortable to not seek help as you "know" your depression but dont know the future if you seek help. I know it can feel pointless as nothing surely can help you. I know it can feel like being in a black cloud that you cant see through... but go get help anyway!


CBR

[discovery1]

Think of all the people you love. If you kill yourself, you will never see or hear from them again. Do you wish to completely sever those ties? And try to remeber what it was like to be happy, and that it is possible to be like that again. And get help, from anywhere be it a friend or someone with training or both.

[Samurai Waki]

EDIT: Removed by Wazikashi for being a stupid rant that made no sense after re-reading it!

[Revelation]

To quote the words of Morgan Freeman.....
"You either gotta get busy living, or get busy dying."
The space in between is a waste of time.
As mentioned earlier, if you have any doubts as to why you should be committing suicide, then you got no place being there mate. Might as well get on with life. It really is wonderful!
The only miracle cure I can offer is buy youself a cat and use it as a sort of a stress/depression brick. When the mood takes you, kick the crap outta it. Guaranteed fix! ~D

[TonkaToys]

Apologies if this seems inappropriate, but perhaps you should reconsider your relationship with your g/f. If both of you are depressed / self-harming / suicidal then could you be dragging each other down in a spiral of self-perpetuating, mutual, self-loathing? Just an opinion.
I'm afraid I don't have any experience of depression, other than my sister who used to cut herself and tried to commit suicide once (a fact that my mum and dad still don't know). She had a rough time of it, and I did what I could to help her, although I could / should have done a lot more. Anyway, once she left her youth behind her, her attitudes changed and now, whilst she still has the occasional bout, she is a different person. Sorry, I am having trouble expressing the fact that she grew up and grew out of the worst of the depression... what I am trying to say is that she stuck it out and learnt to handle it - and maybe that will apply to you.
I wish I had been living closer to her, so that she would have had someone to talk to - maybe that is what you need?
Anyway, lots of good advice in this thread.

[The Stranger]

Many of you here probably know me as the happy, slightly psychopathic person who likes to have a laugh and basically have fun, but there is another side to me, a side that you don't know, and that i need help with. I suffer from hideous depression. I feel as if there is no point going on, and continually slash my arms with blades. I've even tried commiting suicide once, and i just can't take it anymore. Heh, look on the bright side though, if i choose to die, i probably won't die alone, as my Girlfriend is suicidal too, so we'd probably arrange a suicide pact. Some nights, i just sit in the dark, with drips of blood running down my arm, wondering why i bother going on with life. So, i was wondering, what the hell should i do? I refuse to see a psychiatrist, as my belief is that they'll tear my life even more apart. Please help...

PS Mods, if you feel this is inappropiate, feel free to close it.

i don't like to admit it, but i'm going to miss you if you commit suicide, btw let us know when you plan to do so i can lit a candle for you. ~D

now seriously wat ta fak are you doing. it's not good to end your life when you're so young. i dunno if you have any severe problems. and i wont see a psych. i once went to one and in one week i had 5 different ones. it didnt helped. after a month they gave up and i went out worse than i came in. i didnt had any depressions but just severe atitude problems.

i know a girl who is also suicidal but she is still hoping for a better life, now she met my cousin (her boyfriend) she doing better and better.

i hope you'll also met someone, or i hope you 2 can inspire each other to stay alive. its really cool that you trust us soo much you even tell us this

[The Stranger]

If you're accusing me of being an attention seeker, go ahead. That's all anyone ever does. But why would i be seeking attention? I hate attention. All i want is someone to give me a miracle cure, so i can just leave all this horribleness behind...

i dont think you're an attention seekr. you're a good kid for as far i know. there prolly is no cure. but i don't what for kind of trouble you have, or why youre depressed. what's so horrible (you don't have to tell)

[The Electric Celt]

Some good advice there,and I think it took a lot of courage to share that with us and by doing so you obviously don't wish to feel this way anymore.
If you have a good G.P who's considerate and has known you a long time,start there,otherwise there is counselling...a lot less clinical and more informal than psychiatry (which can sometimes seem cold and one sided)
You've started talking that's the main thing,and don't feel embarressed, their's a lot of people here on your side,let us all know how you're doing ~;)

[Samurai Waki]

Well for a truly depressive person, nothing has to be the matter. In my case it is a very bad case of genetics, my mothers side comes from a long line of alcoholic Manic-Depressives so it was only natural that out of 4 brothers I had to be the one to recieve the gene. Depression is caused from an unnatural balance of chemicals in the brain. Of course there are medications to correct it (but it isn't 100% cureable) and also it begins to rub off into your personality. I happen to be left-brained dominant, so I need my creativity to feel whole, when I was on medication the medication worked a little too well, in fact in almost completely destroyed my creativity and imagination, and I still struggle at times to get it rekindled. A lot of the cure is growing up, and working, if I stand still for too long I begin to go a little stir crazy and my depression starts to get bad. That is why I am typing on a computer at 4:06 in the morning instead of sleeping ~D
like previously mentioned its just a stage in your stormy teen years, for the most part you'll grow out of it, although sometimes you might have the infrequent bouts. The Babes are too hot, and the fishing is too great down here in the Caribbean to let it all go away with a bullet to the head. :party:

[The Stranger]

so BP was right. noooooo. btw how long is it that MC posted. did anyone saw him logging in? i hope nothing bad happened (i really do)

[The_Doctor]

so BP was right. noooooo. btw how long is it that MC posted. did anyone saw him logging in? i hope nothing bad happened (i really do)

On his profile it says he was last on at 15:30, I assume that is GMT.

His sig some what disturbing:

Hello, the number you have called is currently dead. If you would like to leave a message, press 1. If you would like to fall to your knees and cry, press 2. If you would like to dance on grave, press 3. If you don't give a crap, hang up.

Thank you for calling!

It does not seem to have changed on this thread, or any other thread, though.

[Viking]

Hang in there Mikeus, you`re only 14, so am I. Your life has just started, you can`t give it up before you`ve really experienced it.

You should seek a psychiatrist, or get help somehow before it`s too late.
It looks like you need it.

[Evil_Maniac From Mars]

You shouldn't commit suicide. It's plain stupid. I got really depressed a while ago when I was so sick for so long I thought I might never recover. I never even considered suicide, its a horrible thing, and against the will of God. Instead of suicidal thoughts, my paranoia, sadness, and thinking everything I wanted was impossible added up. Then I read the Bible. It was, and is, a great source of wisdom. I'm not paranoid, since I am convinced in the idea of an afterlife, but I don't want to even consider taking my own life, because I might be doomed to eternal torture in hell. I've also started doing more things, like guitar, long car trips, getting MSN to chat with my friends, and rediscovering music and travel. Lots of stuff to do in the world for you yet, my friend.

[Togakure]

It saddens me to read this. Depression afflicts in many forms and varying degrees. People also understand and react to depression differently (both as it affects them, and in advising those who are afflicted by it). I have had to deal with medically diagnosed Severe Depression, and currently manage Chronic Depression. It's no party. I've found that many who have not suffered from it to some degree can be exceptionally insensitive (and some, downright callous) in how they advise you when you break it to them that you are depressed.

Beirut has, both in this thread and in past threads, demonstrated through sound advice and described experience, that he knows about this condition and knows how to manage it well. If you are determined to tackle it on your own, heed what he says. I think his advice is great.

However, please also consider what Big King Sanctaphrax has said: some levels of Depression are chemically based (my Severe Depression definitely was) and require medical treatment to correct the imbalances of serratonin (and sometimes other things) in the brain. Without treatment, you simply aren't thinking straight--the whole world seems an endless cruel, "darkness" with no point to Life--which can make recovery via your own strength of will and adjustment of attitude and activities very difficult, if not impossible.

Be careful with music. When I read your post I couldn't help wondering if you listen to NiN and were acting out "Hurt." Been there, done that ... . Particularly if your condition is chemically based, music can trigger thought-behavior patterns that can be harmful to you. Music itself is not the problem, but how you personally react to it might be a big problem ... . Basically, I think it's important to engage in activities that bring out positive reactions in you--and that depends on what YOU enjoy doing, what makes YOU feel good. Conversely, avoid activities that bring out the "Dark Side." Music is a great example: listen to stuff that brings you up, not down. Hang out with people that bring you up, go to places that bring you up, talk to people that bring you up. Avoid the opposites as much as possible until you feel you are ready and capable of dealing with them while maintaining a realistic "Big Picture" view. If you're having trouble feeling like anything could bring you up (that's how I felt) then challenge yourself to try new things that you think might make you feel good about being alive (but avoid harmful things like drugs, hurtful-hateful behaviors etc.). Things that stimulate adrenalin and put you in a bit of danger like bungie jumping, parachuting, ropes courses, rapelling, high-velocity water-skiing and paint ball wars helped me a lot--all things that I hadn't done before.

That you posted this here is a big step and suggests to me that you aren't in too bad of a way. During my "darkest hours," I lived in isolation for months, only going out into the comtemptible, terrifying, fucked up, world of total assholes to get food etc., then fleeing back to my nice, dark, CELL. It had one little window--the Internet--where I was someone else, living in virtual worlds some "place" else. Looking back, I can't believe I lived like that for so long. But it's amazing what damage can be done when Life throws you a big curve for which you are not prepared, and takes away crucial things that you have depended on like family, friends, your "place" in the world and the means to live "normally." I found myself ALONE and without means and "spiritual" support for the first time in my life, and my faith in Love and True Friendship--Pillars of who I was--broken. At the time, it was just too much for me to handle, and I CRASHED. But I still had a couple of True friends who stuck by me, and my brother, and they were pretty much responsible for inspiring me to light my FIRE again. Then it was up to me to get UP, then crawl, then walk, and now ... run again. Ok ok ... I'm not quite running yet, but I'm jogging pretty good.

Ultimately it was up to me, but early on I needed help. Think about this, and ask yourself if maybe a little help would get you on your feet again. Then seek real help--not just the kind that comes easy from those with whom you are comfortable--but the kind that is most likely going to provide you with what you need ... YES RIGHT NOW!!! ~D

Good luck m8. I feel for you, I really do. As alone as you might sometimes feel, know that you are not. At the very least, we are here, and many, many of us care.

[Mikeus Caesar]

suggests to me that you aren't in too bad of a way

You couldn't be more wrong....i'm feeling worse than ever. Yack...just kill me. I really do not like this at all. I hate having to go to school, and pretending to be all happy and cheer in front of my friends. It just makes me feel so horrid inside...


against the will of God. Instead of suicidal thoughts, my paranoia, sadness, and thinking everything I wanted was impossible added up. Then I read the Bible. It was, and is, a great source of wisdom. I'm not paranoid, since I am convinced in the idea of an afterlife, but I don't want to even consider taking my own life, because I might be doomed to eternal torture in hell.

Do not start talking to me about the Bible, or saying i should turn to religion to save me. If there is one thing i hate more than myself in this damned world, it's religion and the Bible.

[The Stranger]

this might cheer you up.
http://www.coolegames.com/spelletjes/914-Kill+Sweety.html

[Togakure]

Sounds to me like finding someone that you can talk to honestly would be helpful to begin with. Someone you can be "real" with who will listen. This will require a bit of trust though. It might not be enough for someone just to listen as you have a girlfriend to talk to casually. It may take someone with life experience and professional training who can offer you advice in a way that makes sense to you.

Have you figured out what's at the root of how you feel--the things that are causing you to feel so bad? Being able to tell the difference between symptoms and roots will help a lot. It's hard to figure out what to do about something if you don't know what the root problems are.

[professorspatula]

Crivvens! What's all this then, talk of depression and suicide? Oo-er.

I've had plenty of dire low moments, but regarding suicide, I think as long as I even give half a damn about what my friends and family will think if I decide to take a one way trip to Hades, and I wonder what will happen to them afterwards, well that means I care enough to keep on living. If ever I stop pondering what will happen should I leave this mortal coil, then crikey! I'll be in trouble.

Always focus on positives when you're down, and remember to have a bit of PMA. If not that Positive Mental Attitude nonsense hippy types blab on about all the time, then Positively Mental Attitude! Do something different, a little crazy - something to give you a bit of escapism from your current humdrum everyday activities - but not something that will get you locked up or carted away to the nearest lunatic asylum. I don't know, wear odd socks!

Depression, it's a killer. But it's also a challenge, something to beat. If you're talking about it, you obviously want to beat it, or you'd be wasting everyone's time. So good luck to you.

....

...

...

I sound like a nob head.

[Monk]

I really do not like this at all. I hate having to go to school, and pretending to be all happy and cheer in front of my friends. It just makes me feel so horrid inside...

Now, forgive me for jumping into this conversation in the middle of it, but the best thing sounds like you shouldn't do that. Act how you feel, when your upset then show it, bottling up your real emotions can be very bad (trust me). Vent some of your feelings instead of keeping them below the surface. Just a thought.

I know partly what you're going through. Back when i was your age i was going through a hard time. I had surgery on my spine (turned out to be the first of three), I had no choice but to have them, it was either that or be paralysed as i grew older. Yet even so the first resulted in severe nerve damage to my back where to this day i have no feeling. I became convinced that if i had another I'd die. I spent countless days, weeks, months, feeling like they were my last moments. Feeling like life was worthless and there was no point in going on. At times, I even thought about suicide...

However, i realised something. There I was, 15 years old and I was not speaking to a soul. Living in self inflicted solitude, and for what? When i looked past my fear of a possible death, my life really wasn't that bad. At that moment i knew that giving up was far worse than just living. I could have kept going as I was, or I could pick myself up, dust myself off and live like i once did. I chose the latter, because life was too short to waste worrying about tomorrow.

As you can see i'm still alive, so it turned out my fears were unfounded. After my second surgery i decided to find something i really loved, something worth living for. Something that really made me happy. I picked up two things, the guitar and writing and to this day i still do them both.

The mind is a dangerous thing. it can make your worst moods seem 10x what they really are. Just be careful man; that's all i really have to say.

[Togakure]

...

I sound like a nob head.
Actually no ... you said what I was trying to say in a manner that is much more likely to be heard, considering the audience. Kudos. ~;) :bow:

[Don Corleone]

A LOT of people struggle with the feelings you're having. I have at various times in my life. Nobody has felt the exact way you're feeling, so nobody can tell you exactly what to do about it, but a lot of us have had similar feelings.

This has absolutely nothing to do with God, but have you thought about doing volunteer work? I found that by getting out into the populus and seeing how rough other people had it, my situation didn't seem quite so bad anymore. What's more, helping other people will make YOU feel better, give you some value of yourself, so do it for very selfish reasons.

As far as trying to force yourself to smile and be nice for other people, don't do it. You don't want to be rude and express every feeling the moment you're feeling it. But by the same token, if you put up a false front 1) it's incredibly stressful 2) you will feel worse once you stop 3) your friends get no idea that you're in trouble and need their help.

Speaking from my own personal experience, the absolute last thing I wanted to do was talk about my feelings with anybody. But I'm really glad I listened to other people and started doing that. It's not going to be easy for fun, but if you're honest with yourself and air some of your feelings to a trusted friend, it DOES help.

[The Stranger]

all we can do MC is trying to talk you through this...hell we're going to do it (and other people who know of it will too). we're all living with you, i dont know how you feel, i never had depression but i sumtimes think life sucks. i also thought of commiting suicide when i was in my room crying and screaming. i never did it though, not because i didnt want to but becuz i was more afraid of the knifes than i was of life.

i hope you'll find your light, your religion (you've read my how i think about religion thread, so you know what i mean with religion). and will be able to leave this all behind.
if the unfortunate moment arrives that you want to commit suicide, i'd really like to know, so that i, and i think the rest of the community can show our last honour to you.
live with the thought that you've got many friends scattered around the globe. not many can people can say that.

[InsaneApache]

Not wanting to be-little the thread MC ....but what a great bunch of guys.....a difficult subject that has been addresed as well as is possible.

There are two types of depression...re-active and clinical....

The medics can find out which one you may have...

Go and see your Doctor.....

Or I send Clayton 'round ~;)

[The Stranger]

why???

[KukriKhan]

Short term: RUN!

Run like hell. Run like someone is trying to kill you (someone is: you).

Get up. Strap on some footwear. Go out the door. And run.

Run until you can't run anymore. That might be only 10 minutes, or less. No worries; you're pumping oxygen through your system, which is the goal.

It won't make you all "Happy, happy, Joy, joy, I love the world and it loves me!". That's a different kind of crazy.

We're talking survival here. Keeping 'The Beast' at bay.

Long term: talk, and maybe drugs, like the guys here have suggested.

But first: quit reading, get up and RUN!

Then come back all sweaty and heart-pounding, and tell how that was.

We care.

[Dutch_guy]

Speaking from my own personal experience, the absolute last thing I wanted to do was talk about my feelings with anybody. But I'm really glad I listened to other people and started doing that. It's not going to be easy for fun, but if you're honest with yourself and air some of your feelings to a trusted friend, it DOES help.

yes MC you as you said before you do have friends , well in these kind of situations you will find out who your real friends are .
Just try and tell them what you are experiencing, maybe one of your friends had the exact same problem you have now , only he didn't talk about it either.
confront them with your probs. in a friendly inviroment if they are your real friends they will try and do everything they can for you.

Also as I said before , talk with your parents - I'm sure they can at least listen and provide some help.
And talking / writing about theses feelings always helps, though I don't really have experience with these kind of problems.

With all the advice posted here , I would say you''ll feel better in no time ~:cheers:

:balloon2:

[Craterus]

Short term: RUN!

Run like hell. Run like someone is trying to kill you (someone is: you).

Get up. Strap on some footwear. Go out the door. And run.

Run until you can't run anymore. That might be only 10 minutes, or less. No worries; you're pumping oxygen through your system, which is the goal.

It won't make you all "Happy, happy, Joy, joy, I love the world and it loves me!". That's a different kind of crazy.

We're talking survival here. Keeping 'The Beast' at bay.

Long term: talk, and maybe drugs, like the guys here have suggested.

But first: quit reading, get up and RUN!

Then come back all sweaty and heart-pounding, and tell how that was.

We care.

Kukri just mentioned the only bit of advice I was going to give, it was the only that hadn't already been mentioned. But whenever I'm feeling down, I go out and have a run. Usually at least a mile, but it makes you feel a lot better.

The other advice is really great, but for short-term, just go out and get some good exercise.

P.S. I really really hope you will get through this MC. At 14, there is so much for you to live for, even though you may think there isn't.

Suicide or Self-Harm is never the answer. These thoughts and actions will only fuel your depression.

[The_Doctor]

I agree, I feel great after a long cycle.

[Big King Sanctaphrax]

Short term: RUN!

Run like hell. Run like someone is trying to kill you (someone is: you).

Get up. Strap on some footwear. Go out the door. And run.

Run until you can't run anymore. That might be only 10 minutes, or less. No worries; you're pumping oxygen through your system, which is the goal.

It won't make you all "Happy, happy, Joy, joy, I love the world and it loves me!". That's a different kind of crazy.

We're talking survival here. Keeping 'The Beast' at bay.

Long term: talk, and maybe drugs, like the guys here have suggested.

But first: quit reading, get up and RUN!

Then come back all sweaty and heart-pounding, and tell how that was.

We care.


You know, this is excellent advice. I'm not the worlds most sporty person, and run very rarely. I was late for college today, though, and decided to run part of the way. I was only really sprinting for a couple of minutes, but after I was done I felt really excellent.

[professorspatula]

The last time I tried to run, I felt like lying down and dying from exhaustion after the 3rd stride. Lets hope MC isn't as unfit as me or telling the chap to run would be the worst thing to suggest. But seriously, it's true that a bit of excerise can do wonders. Even if it's just a brisk walk to the corner shop to re-arrange the adult mags so they're mixed up with the computer ones, it can lift your spirits. On a hot day anyway. Crikey, going out on a miserable day is rubbish though.

[Big King Sanctaphrax]

Crikey, going out on a miserable day is rubbish though.

I prefer that. I get to sink deep in my coat and pretend I'm in a film noir.

[Beirut]

You are.

[InsaneApache]

Tell me MC you still feel depressed?

I have to say I would feel uplifted if I'd received half of these replies...

You are a lucky man to have such friends...

Rejoice in that, :bow:

[econ21]

MC, if you are inflicting self-harm, I think you need professional help. Not necessarily a psychiatrist, general doctors can do a lot to help depression these days.

I don't know what country you are in and how difficult it is there to see a doctor as 14 year old, but my advice would be to make an appointment as soon as possible.

It may be best if you involve your parents but if you don't want to, you should be able to feign a sickness to get an appointment and ask to see the doctor alone so you can keep it confidential.

You were asking for a "miracle cure" - drug treatments for depression may be your best shot. Not necessarily a miracle, but I've seen them work on several people close to me.

It's not clear what you have to lose by getting help and it sounds like you have a lot to gain.

[Mongoose]

Talking to a professional or your parents is the best course of action, IMHO.

[Evil_Maniac From Mars]

A great thing to do is excerise, like the lads above said. It makes you happy afterwards, and the reason I was depressed turned out to be a major case of what they call cabin fever. Just get out there and run, or even drive around to go out and see other people and places. That might help you.

[Fragony]

People that cut themselve do that because they know that something should really bother/excite them, but in fact leaves them indifferent. They think they are incapable of feeling at all, and then they make a cut just to be sure. It is a very strange thing, and you should look for help.

[Big King Sanctaphrax]

Perhaps you could consider taking up a musical instrument? Whenever I'm feeling down, I play for a bit, and it makes me feel a lot better.

Don't play guitar though, whatever you do, it's so passe. ~;) Bass is the way to go!

[VAE VICTUS]

avoid psychologists,be cautious of religion(extremly),
be outside as much as you can,ang get active,have fun or at least try.get a new hobby.play football(which is really really fun if you 6'7 284 and your frineds are all like 5'5 150)talk to people.when you give up you are conquered and the conquered have no rights.think of those who came before and had it much much worse.jew in concentration camp(seriously,no pun intended),soldier on bataan death march,man who wacthes his family destroyed during a prolonged siege before he himself is slain by the sword.you always have your self.and if all else fails get on a stick horse and slay your enemies until they flee and cower at the mention of your name! :charge: :charge: :charge: :charge: :charge:

[Mikeus Caesar]

Euf...i hate exercise. It's one of the many things that make me want to jump into the path of a moving vehicle. And anyway, i realised how odd i am today, when i suddenly noticed how odd it is that i carry around a large collection of various Ibuprofen and Paracetemol. I think you can guess why...

[Craterus]

Headaches?

[The Stranger]

Euf...i hate exercise. It's one of the many things that make me want to jump into the path of a moving vehicle. And anyway, i realised how odd i am today, when i suddenly noticed how odd it is that i carry around a large collection of various Ibuprofen and Paracetemol. I think you can guess why...
i never take paracetamol or stuff.....no way Mikeus dot even think of it. we dont do overdosis. thats bad, real bad. dont do it throw them away. if you have a headache, get some sleep.

[econ21]

One of the saddest stories I ever heard was of a doctor visited by a young man who had taken an overdose of paracetamols. The man had changed his mind about suicide and, smiling, wanted the doctor to assure him that everything was ok. The doctor's heart sank when he realised the overdose had been taken days before. The damage the paracetamols had done was fatal and irreversible.

Mikeus Caesar, have you considered what I posted about consulting your doctor over your depression?

[Fragony]

Euf...i hate exercise. It's one of the many things that make me want to jump into the path of a moving vehicle. And anyway, i realised how odd i am today, when i suddenly noticed how odd it is that i carry around a large collection of various Ibuprofen and Paracetemol. I think you can guess why...

Now you slowly put that somewhere else mia muca. You know what your problem is? Man is never content, but being absolutely miserable is just as rare as being absolutely happy, we will have to do with an in-between for the rest of the way. Now that may suck, but never knowing what really sucks sucks even more. Life is a bitch what can I say, but since it is your bitch you could as well slap it as one. You want too much mia muca, and you want it too fast.

[Steppe Merc]

Going to a shrink helps, though it may not allways seem like it. It at least helped for me.
Not to be insulting, but are you on any meds? I know if I'm off my anti depresants I feel like shit for a while, and did so before I was on them...
If you aren't, I'd suggest talking to a doctor. I don't wanna be preachy, and I know that I didn't like the idea of going on meds, but it helped me, big time.

[Togakure]

Here's how it was for me: I didn't know it, but I had a very serious deficiency of serratonin in my head. The lack of this chemical caused me to perceive things VERY differently than I would have if my head were properly balanced. EVERYTHING was dark, negative, out to get me, impossible, fucked up, stupid, pointless, ugly, disgusting, idiotic ... LIFE JUST SUCKED ASS AND I WANTED OUT.

But it wasn't how things really were; it was how my malfunctioning head was processing everything. When I finally got some medication, the serratonin levels balanced and I could think properly again, perceive and process stuff accurately again. Then I was able to figure out the other things that needed to be addressed in my life, and I forced myself to get UP and get OUT and do something about my situation. Then things got much better, slowly but surely. Now I am SO glad I finally did what at first I didn't want to do ... .

Do the feelings in my first paragraph sound familiar to you? If so, do you think it's possible that maybe you might have a similar condition? If so, you'd be doing yourself a big favor (maybe a life-saving one) to have a heart-to-heart with your folks and then your Doc, and get your physical condition under control. Then things will likely seem different, and you'll be in a better position to figure out what else needs fixing, and get to it.

Good luck m8. We're here if you need to talk.

[Colovion]

I was once severly depressed as well. I can't tell you exactly what got me out of it because I'm not sure myself. I think it had something to do with having some kind of direction - something to do and people to talk to. Being totally open with at least one person in your life can change so many ways you look at the world. If you start looking at the world in an aspect like "what do I want" and going out and claiming that desire, things work so much more simply. As long as what you want doesn't harm someone else, go for it.

A lot of people told me to go to the doctor, take some anti-depressants and so on. I thought that was a load of rubbish. Most times I would just dwell on the feelings I was having and thing about all the reasons I was having those feelings. Depression is strange; even when I knew the reason for my harshly bi-polar angst I couldn't reason my body back into being in a pleasant mood. Going further - once something positive happened I started to slowly feel better. Subconciously I know I was probably controlling my depression, concentrating on it to both keep myself in a melancholy state emotionally and to hinder it from consuming me. Don't get me wrong though, I would much rather have concentrated on a true desire or passion I have and satisfied that to distract me. At the time though, I was thinking that distractions from the pain was unhealthy and not natural. I'm crazy that way.

this (http://www.crimethinc.com/library/english/libdays.html) book (http://www.buyolympia.com/crimethinc/sid=656112507/books.html) also helped propel my thoughts from the mundane to the fantastic

Well met Mikeus :bow:

[Kagemusha]

You know mike.Life is too precious to waste. Like i sayd before death is no answer .Death is death.Okay we dont really know you because we are only avatars here in the org,but cant you see how many people that barely know you feel for you so much.Again death is not an answer,death is death. :bow:

[Uesugi Kenshin]

MC I really suggest you see a professional, my brother did for his bipolar and once they got the meds right and got him into therapy for a while his depression cleared up. I don't really like him, but we are brothers and very different ones at that. The point is he no longer has voices in his head, wide emotional swings, or homicidal/suicidal thoughts. It can help and the best time to check in is early, then they can start to help you ASAP. Don't be afraid of seeing a professional, by taking up that stigma you will prove yourself even more worthy of respect.

Again death is never the answer, just remember life may be horrible now, but eventually it will turn up. You will eventually find someone or something that you love and you will be happy. Death is final, nothing is worse than putting a premature end to your life, especially when there is so much more ahead of you.

[tibilicus]

Speaking of depresion im really depresed at the moment. One bit of my mind is telling me one thing the other is teling me something different. It's like im to seperate people. Is this normal for a teenager. if so i dont like it............

[The Stranger]

sounds like scitzofrenic (sp?)

[tibilicus]

lol it's not that bad. I just feel confused. Like I know i dont really feel that way bit somethings teling me i do. But inside i stop and think, no. i dont think that.

[The Stranger]

i think i have braincancer~D nooo i;m dying

[InsaneApache]

Edit: not appropriate.

[The Stranger]

have anyone seen Mikeus.

[Viking]

He hasn`t been online since his last post. No worries, he`ll be back at any time.

[tibilicus]

I hope so.........

[The_Doctor]

He has not been online for 2 days.

[The Stranger]

this is nuts, he's prolly on vacation

[Mongoose]

EDIT: yeah, you're right.

[Togakure]

No use in feeding such situations with fear and doubt. What is, is. Better to be positive and cotinue the supportive activity. Mikeus has a lot on his mind, it's summertime, and hopefully he's gotten out and about and is working things out.

[BobTheTerrible]

One of the best things I've ever heard was from a girl I know. She too was feeling depressed and all that. One day, I guess she realized it, and said something along the lines of "God chose to let me be a human, rather than some animal, I shouldn't waste the gift." Now I'm not a religious person at all, but just remember that of the billions of creatures on this planet, you are one of the lucky ones chosen to be a human being, with true thoughts, emotions, etc.

[The Stranger]

i think on this point he'd rather be a fish or sumthing. or hey, i think he wishes he'd never been born.

and animals do have feelings, we just dont know of em.

[Craterus]

One of the best things I've ever heard was from a girl I know. She too was feeling depressed and all that. One day, I guess she realized it, and said something along the lines of "God chose to let me be a human, rather than some animal, I shouldn't waste the gift." Now I'm not a religious person at all, but just remember that of the billions of creatures on this planet, you are one of the lucky ones chosen to be a human being, with true thoughts, emotions, etc.

If she believed in God, she shouldn't consider suicide. It is a sin to take a human life, including your own.

[tibilicus]

Lets not keep spirits down. Keep em up!

[Mikeus Caesar]

Ai ai ai...i'm on the brink right now. I've been walking about all day chewing my nails considering whether or not i should do it, and just take all the pills. After all, who really would miss me? I asked my girlfriend this question, and apart from herself, she couldn't think of anyone who probably would miss me. I thought about it myself, and i can't think of anyone who would miss me if i was dead. And i just don't see a point to going on living. It just feels so...pointless. Same thing, day in, day out....i feel incredibly insignificant in this big wide world...

Just kill me...

[Steppe Merc]

No one is insignificant if they make one person smile, or make one person's life better. And people will miss you.
In all honsety, you should talk to your doctor, or someone. Trust me, medication can really help. Most of my family had depression, and most of them drank themselves to death before they knew what it was. But because of modern medicine, my mom and I can go about living like normal people.

[Dutch_guy]

It really is Bull what your GF said , in all due respect...
here's why;
What about your friends , mother , father , uncle etc.
they will certainly miss you`, and what of your GF herself, she will probably miss you the most if she feels the way about you that you think she does.


And you must know that every one of the .org will miss you.

And it's really not that weird that you feel insignificant in the world, what do you expect , you're just a kidd . hell I haven't done anything in my life YET worthy of any recognition.
Who knows what the future my bring, maybe you haven't done anything very special YET , but what will happen tomorrow - again ; who knows.
That alone is a great, maybe the best reason to keep living.

looking forward seeing you around ~:)

:balloon2:

[The Blind King of Bohemia]

MC we all wonder where our lives are going at some point. I'm sure there are many people that care about you. Is there no one you can talk to? I think you should calm down and approach tomorrow as a fresh day. Take things one day at a time, and you'll realise things probably aren't as bad as they seem. There must be something that you enjoy? I don't know you, and won't try to act all self-righteous by pretending to have been in the same situation and knowing everything about it. What about your family and friends? You're only young. I guarentee if you can pull yourself out of this one in a few years time you'll look back on it and realise how pointless all this suicidal talk seemed.

[edyzmedieval]

MC,

Suiciding isn't a solution..... BTW, it could also add it up to your sins....
I think, a good idea is what BP said and also to get a hobby...It helps...

[tibilicus]

Why do i get depresed? Because i worry about everything. I mean everything. From what if I get some fatal desies and what if I cant grow up and marry a beutifal girl because one day no one will love me to what might hapen tomorow it could be really bad. Well when im depresed i talk to people. I often find it easier to talk to someone I dont know. It reasures you above anything else. Also we had a drugs confrence today at school. Don't take an overdose. It's the worst way to die. Imagine how shocked your family and freinds would bee. I could not comite suicide through the fact of that. I also agree with what Dutch guy said.

[Beirut]

Now look buddy, you've come here to vent and we are happy you did. But you now have a responsibility to us. You've opened up to us and taken us into your (virtual) confidence. We now have a vested interest in your well being. You ask who would miss you - we would.

Now if a bunch of guys on the Net have taken such an impact at your statements, just imagine what the real world feels. You might not see it but at least have the guts to admit that there are a great many people, at many different levels of your life, who would miss you very much. And no one, and I do mean no one wants to find you covered in puke after barfing up a bottle of pills so you might want to reconsider that.

You have no choice here. You have to seek out help. You are asking us questions and we are telling you the answer. It is clear that suicide is not your first choice. That's a great start. That hint of doubt you have is your lifeline to a better world. If you have to, walk into a hospital emergency room and tell them you're on the brink. Go to a church. Go to a police station. Anything. Fight like you're on the front lines and you need to do anything you can to win. Have the courage to fight the fight before you give up. There's always tomorrow for end-of-the-world plans, but today is the boot in your ass and you have to deal with it. I don't doubt for a second that there's still fight left in you, I see it in your posts.

You owe it to us, those you have affected with your posts, to at least try to try to fix things, or have the decency to stop posting. Don't threaten us with your demise. Ask for our help, our patience and understanding, but not our fear. We all have enough of that in our own lives thank you. You want a club to join, here it is. You want people to listen and respond, here we are, but don't use us as guilt sponges. For my part, I work way too hard and have far too many problems of my own to take you on as a lost puppy. But if you'll stand up straight and play ball, I'll will offer everything I have to help you help yourself. I'm sure others here feel the same way.

It ain't easy. I know. So do many others here. Many of us bear deep scars of one kind or another. But we're the proof that things get better. Change is inevitable. You haven't always felt as low as you do now so it's not reasonable to think you'll always feel this way in the future.

Now, the next time you post here we want to hear something positive. Anything. Tell us you saw a great looking woman. Tell us the weather is nice. Tell us the pizza you just ate made you fart in an elevator full of cops. Anything at all.

That's the cost of admission - one good thing. Watcha got my brother?

[Drisos]

Mikeus Caesar,

Sorry for responding so late. I have read this thread over and over but never felt 'wise' enough to be of help. Now you feel so bad you're about to really make an end to your life I just need to say some things.

I have two advices for you. One about the things you can and should do right now and one about proffesional help.

*****

I want you to read this thread carefully again. Read all the advice and notice how many people are going to miss you here. Also read your own posts. Remember first you wanted to get out of the mess, and now you're only talking about you sad plans. Keep up the hope! You'll get out of this soon and will have a great life ahead of you! Remember you're 14! Then shut off the computer! Shut it off and go outside. Only read this thread from time to time. No T.V., no games, just be outside! It's ok if you listen to some music, but take only happy music. Happy music or no music! Then also talk to your parents! Think of how much pain they will suffer when your gone. They love you and would mentally collapse if you died! They cannot live without you and that is the same with your girlfriend. She loves you and deep down you and her want to have a happy life much rather then no life. Remember that carefully, and think of it when you have those pills in your hands. Throw them away! They won't give you what you want, they will only make sure you will never get what you want. The happy life will come, you're only in a period that life sucks. I haven't had it as bad as you but others have and they are now happy and still alive. Just count them and surprise yourself! How many got what they wanted while they were about to end their lives. Meanwhile, don't do anything you don't want. Let people know you don't feel good at the moment and the ones that love you will instantly be worried about you. Talk to them and follow their advice. Also throw away those blades! They are of no use but to physically hurt you when you feel mentally hurt, while you should keep those two things apart.

*****

I know you have difficulties with going to a shrink, but you should really do so. You must figure out what exactly is making you feel so miserable and make an end to that. Take action! Make an appointment right after you see this and talk to the professional. He will have had many others with bad feelings and can help you get yourself up again. Drugs can help you, but in the end you should feel fine also without them, so don't only do that. As I said, find out what makes you so sad and get rid of it. Pass the good advices in this thread on to your girlfriend and talk about the fact that you two want to have a happy life and that you two should work for it.

*****

Though I never personally spoke to you I have always admired your posts. You add to the humour on this forum. ~:cheers: I would definitely miss you! Many other would too. Don't leave us!

[Redleg]

Well I am not going to read through all the garbage about depression that I have seen written by some of the more immature patrons of the .ORG.

My only advice is that if you are suffering from severe depression absolutely do not listen to any advice you get on the internet, unless that advice is to seek a mental health professional

Now for those who think depression is a made up disease - get real - depression comes from multiple sources - a lot is just situational or environmental depression - a simple change can often help one recover from this depression.

Then there is clinicial depression - which comes from some type of imbalance in the brian - once again if you believe you suffer from this type of depression seek professional help - and don't listen to idiots who have no knowledge on which they speak.

Then there is Bi-polar depression sometimes refered to as Manic - another condition to seek professional help immediately.

I my wife is bi-polar and if you want more information about depression - PM me - but once again I caution you against listen or reading advice from individuals who think the condition is a joke - or non-existant. I thought that way once and it almost cost my wife her life.

MC


Ai ai ai...i'm on the brink right now. I've been walking about all day chewing my nails considering whether or not i should do it, and just take all the pills. After all, who really would miss me? I asked my girlfriend this question, and apart from herself, she couldn't think of anyone who probably would miss me. I thought about it myself, and i can't think of anyone who would miss me if i was dead. And i just don't see a point to going on living. It just feels so...pointless. Same thing, day in, day out....i feel incredibly insignificant in this big wide world...

Just kill me...

Do me a favor please - go see a mental health professional - they can help you work through some of those emotions and confusion about things. Every life and every minute of that life is precious. Do not listen to those who berate or degrade you, do not listen to those who place no value upon themselves or yourself. Check yourself into the hospital and ask for help - verus just asking for it on the internet.

[CBR]

I can just repeat what I said in my first post: go and get some help ASAP!


And i just don't see a point to going on living. It just feels so...pointless. Same thing, day in, day out....i feel incredibly insignificant in this big wide world...

And I see you being eaten up by depression that can be helped if you seek professional help. You are not alone as lots of people have experienced the same horrible feelings and you can get help.

Depression is like a monster hidden in the shadows draining all your willpower and you dont even notice its there. But you can kill that monster if you seek help.


CBR

[discovery1]

Ai ai ai...i'm on the brink right now. I've been walking about all day chewing my nails considering whether or not i should do it, and just take all the pills. After all, who really would miss me? I asked my girlfriend this question, and apart from herself, she couldn't think of anyone who probably would miss me. I thought about it myself, and i can't think of anyone who would miss me if i was dead. And i just don't see a point to going on living. It just feels so...pointless. Same thing, day in, day out....i feel incredibly insignificant in this big wide world...

Just kill me...

We would, the friends you spoke of, family members, clan mates, they would miss you. And think of those that you love. Do you wish to be so completely separated from them? And you can make a difference. May I suggest that you go volunteer at a local hospital, soup kitchen, or nursing home. Then you will know that you are making a difference however small. And please get professional help. They will be able to help you.

[Simetrical]

I was once like you—chronically depressed (although never suicidal, I tended to break down into tears at the slightest provocation, and generally be miserable). Anti-depressants have changed my life. It took time and money, but they worked. And as someone intimately familiar with the effects of psychoactive substances—someone whose entire immediate family save his sister and much of whose extended family is on medication for depression and related disorders—let me tell you that from your description, there is practically no drug out there that will mess up your life any more than it's messed up now. And if you do find one, you can quite simply drop it—I know, I've dropped probably two dozen-plus medications due to inadequate effect or unwanted side effects.

In the end, it's your choice. I know that from your point of you, there doesn't seem to be much point. But however few, there will be those who will miss you. Just remember that life is not without options: if you don't end it, you can make it better. Psychiatrists will only ever help you (except monetarily, of course ~;)).

-Simetrical

[Mongoose]

Well I am not going to read through all the garbage about depression that I have seen written by some of the more immature patrons of the .ORG.

My only advice is that if you are suffering from severe depression absolutely do not listen to any advice you get on the internet, unless that advice is to seek a mental health professional

Now for those who think depression is a made up disease - get real - depression comes from multiple sources - a lot is just situational or environmental depression - a simple change can often help one recover from this depression.

Then there is clinicial depression - which comes from some type of imbalance in the brian - once again if you believe you suffer from this type of depression seek professional help - and don't listen to idiots who have no knowledge on which they speak.

Then there is Bi-polar depression sometimes refered to as Manic - another condition to seek professional help immediately.

I my wife is bi-polar and if you want more information about depression - PM me - but once again I caution you against listen or reading advice from individuals who think the condition is a joke - or non-existant. I thought that way once and it almost cost my wife her life.

MC



Do me a favor please - go see a mental health professional - they can help you work through some of those emotions and confusion about things. Every life and every minute of that life is precious. Do not listen to those who berate or degrade you, do not listen to those who place no value upon themselves or yourself. Check yourself into the hospital and ask for help - verus just asking for it on the internet.


Yes, i agree with Redleg. :bow: Do NOT put too much faith in advice from the internet. Talk to a professional.

[Drisos]

absolutely do not listen to any advice you get on the internet, unless that advice is to seek a mental health professional

Does that include this:


absolutely do not listen to any advice you get on the internet, unless that advice is to seek a mental health professional

~D

**********

OK, I see a few immature posts in this thread (not to mention any names, there has been talked enough about it already). But please don't critisize all the posts as garbage. MC has told here that he does not want to go to a professional - which we must convince him to do - and therefor asked for advice here. He is quite desperate and if he really does not want to go to a professional he still needs help, and why not get some advice here at the internet?

IMO there's quite some good advice in this thread, MC. Read it carefully and follow whatever you think will work for you. Especially going to a professional, just everyone will admit that's the best thing to do.

Take care, MC. I want to see you again.

[Redleg]

Does that include this:



~D

**********

OK, I see a few immature posts in this thread (not to mention any names, there has been talked enough about it already). But please don't critisize all the posts as garbage. MC has told here that he does not want to go to a professional - which we must convince him to do - and therefor asked for advice here. He is quite desperate and if he really does not want to go to a professional he still needs help, and why not get some advice here at the internet?


Once again did I say all posts - or just the garbage posted by some immature posters. Yep someone needs to check what is written a little more closely.

But instead of settling it by PM after you sent your first message - it seems you have taken a generalized immature route yourself. Good show.

Its been my experience of the most recent past - that mental health and severe depression is never anything to take lightly.



IMO there's quite some good advice in this thread, MC. Read it carefully and follow whatever you think will work for you. Especially going to a professional, just everyone will admit that's the best thing to do.

Take care, MC. I want to see you again.

The soundest advice is going to a mental health professional. Having spent three days watching my wife in intensive care with a machine helping her breath because of her suicide attempt wakes you up to the knowledge that no layman is truely qualified to help those that are severely depressed. Its hard for us who do not have the condition to fathom what you are thinking or why. Sound professional counseling can help you sort through the irrational thoughts and the rational thoughts. Sound Mental health doctors can prescribe medications to help control the chemical imbalances that can cause severe depression. However for adequate treatment it takes both the counselor and the doctor to treat the condition.

That I missed the warning signs of her on set of manic depression is my fault especially when I knew she was bi-polar. Part of the treatment was the whole family getting involved in the recovery process and learning how to recognize the symptoms of the condition and the onset of the manic phase of her bi-polar.

The best course of action is to seek professional help - not take some well meaning advice from individuals on the internet on how to treat yourself for depression, because along with the decent advice you subject yourself to the rantings and stupidity of immature individuals.

[Steppe Merc]

I'd just like to second what Redleg said. The only real way to combat depression is through talking with proffesional help. It might not seem like it, but they do help, a hell of a lot, and they know what they're talking about.
Without proffesional help, depression almost always in my experience comes back, no matter how you try and fight it. But with a pyschatrist and any medication they might prescribe you, it can help stop depression and allow you to live a full, happy life.

[tibilicus]

Ok Redleg. I respect your veiws but please dont call people immature for giving some one there advise and veiws. It's a bit harsh. Thats all.
Tibilicus

[Redleg]

Ok Redleg. I respect your veiws but please dont call people immature for giving some one there advise and veiws. It's a bit harsh. Thats all.
Tibilicus

I was harsh because that is exactly what the views expressed by those individuals warranted - such immature statement stated to someone who is in deep depression are not only crude but can be harmful to someone in a deep depressed state. What an individual suffering from depression needs is support not ridicule (SP).

[tibilicus]

Ok got you Redleg.~:)

[Mongoose]

By "some of the more immature patrons of the .ORG." You mean me plus BP and afew others, right? :embarassed:

[Redleg]

By "some of the more immature patrons of the .ORG." You mean me plus BP and afew others, right? :embarassed:

Well lets see - you stated

Talking to a professional or your parents is the best course of action, IMHO

Does that sound like a rant or stupidity directed at an individual who is suffering from depression - or is it a statement of intended well being from an individual who at least can ackownledge that the condition exists and the best course is to seek help.

Let your actions speak for themself. (I don't base maturity or immaturity on age - but behavior.)

[Mongoose]

Well, i edited my post. Before it was Something along the lines of "Try getting more exercise, that might help"

[Drisos]

Once again did I say all posts.


absolutely do not listen to any advice you get on the internet, unless ...

I think that in the second quote you clearly talked about all advice, and so all posts. (except the posts containing the advice to see a prof. But I still think there are other posts with good advice too, and you also critisize those.)


But instead of settling it by PM after you sent your first message - it seems you have taken a generalized immature route yourself. Good show.

Thanks for the insult.

In my PM I asked you to edit this out:


absolutely do not listen to any advice you get on the internet, unless that advice is to seek a mental health professional

But you didn't. But I still think MC should not follow this advice of you. So I wanted him to see not everyone agrees with that and that's why I posted here.


Its been my experience of the most recent past - that mental health and severe depression is never anything to take lightly.

Do I take things lightly? ~:confused: I don't understand. Was this meant to me? ~:confused: I am highly shocked by what MC has said here.

[econ21]

I think we should leave this thread to constructive comments, rather than get side-tracked into arguing with each other. If MC comes back to this thread, finding it has spun off into antagonistic back and forth is not going to do much to raise his spirits. If people want to continue argue about it, I suggest they take it to PMs or take any complaints to the relevant mod (BKS).

[Beirut]

Aint that the truth!

I'm afraid BKS isn't around for a day or two so all you have is me for the moment.

Let us then end all bickering and concentrate on letting MC know that he's part of the team here and we all are interested in his well being. Advice may vary, but I think we all agree that we want MC not to feel alone and to know he can talk this situation out with someone.

[Drisos]

Let us then end all bickering and concentrate on letting MC know that he's part of the team here and we all are interested in his well being. Advice may vary, but I think we all agree that we want MC not to feel alone and to know he can talk this situation out with someone.

I do agree. But that's about what I was telling Redleg. I think his first post here contained something that MC rather should not see. I PM'ed him but he didn't agree and is not going to edit his post. That's why I wanted to post here, to let MC know not all people think about it here.

However, MC would've noticed that after my first post so the second one was not necessary. I do apologize for getting off topic. If I have anything further to say to Redleg I'll do via PM, as MC now knows my opinion.

I'd like Redleg to read my last post here, but if you insist I'll edit it.

:stwshame:

[The Stranger]

has sumone seen him online?

[Viking]

has sumone seen him online?

Yes:
https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showthread.php?t=50374