The Spartans.

[Copperhaired Berserker!]

The Spartan

Inspirated by Spartan: Total Warrior. Can't wait until it comes out!

I will use a certain system for this story. What happens is this:

I will do a part, like this

Part whatever

Then at the end of it, I put the characters name who will narrate it like this:

Part whatever: [character's name.]

I wish to start doing storys again, as I came up with this story.

I'll stop my other ones, and concentrate on this.

Part 1: Anglos

I walked down the stony beach, kicking pebbles as I strolled along. I was looking for a item which was very important.

My legs refused to move any further. I slumped down to the ground.

I looked down at my shoes. I saw my sword. I was looking for it for ages. I was tired but happy, because I found this almighty sword.

It's handle was gold which would glimmer in the sun, and was studded with a few jewels. On the part of the handle which you held, it was bound with leather, so that holding it was more easy and comfortable. It blade was bent back on the end, and was stained with dried -in blood from my foes.... or victims.

I'm very proud of this sword, as my father made it for me when I was sent to the army, before he died of a unknown fever. Whenever I look at this sword I remember my dad. I looked up at the dark, grey sky. Many clouds covered the horizon. I should rest now. But I can't. I need to set up camp.

Things have changed a lot since Sparta had fallen under the Tyrant's heel. Or, should I say, the bloodthristy Romans. They'd slaughtered our people in droves. We defended and sacrficed ourselves in vain. I was fighting for my life. I fought my way out the city, with many of our soldiers. We knew the battle was lost. But not the war. We'd decided that we'd make a fort and get back at Sparta, catching them by surprise.

I set up a tent. I was starving. I then made a fire and the smoke trailed up in the air. The other soldiers would see this and come over. This fort would start from a tiny tent. I went to bed and rested, knowing that they would come and set up too. I closed my eyes and went to sleep.

Please do comment.

[Copperhaired Berserker!]

Could someone please comment?

[Alexanderofmacedon]

What is this? Did you just create this or what?

I can't wait for Spartan: Total Warrior either...

[Copperhaired Berserker!]

I haven't just created it. It's the first part to my story

[Alexanderofmacedon]

I'll post the first part of my story later. It's about a Roman peasant drafted into the Roman army. It's pretty cool...

[Copperhaired Berserker!]

Part 2a: Phhyrus

I walked though the masses of amoured soldiers. I was almost blinded by the sparkle of gold shields and protection. I went inside a small tent, that was brown. I knew this was Anglos's tent, I crouched through the small opening in the tent.

"I need to talk to you." I told Anglos.

"Hi, good to see you! You don't know how tired I was yesterday. I could sleep for 4 days!" Anglos replied.

"Anyway, I need to tell you something." I said with grey, grim eyes. Anglos noticed this.

" What's wrong?" asked Anglos deeply.

"Your sword... it's... it's...." I stuttered.

"My sword is stolen?" Anglos said with a deep, heartbroken sigh.

"Yes..... I'm sorry." I said soothingly.


"What? It's stolen?" Anglos replied.

"Yes!" I nodded.

"So, what happened?" He asked, in tears.

I explained my story. I was walking through the masses of soldiers, and went into the weapons tent. I knew where he kept it, next to mine's. I was going to do Anglos a favour, as he was my childhood friend. I was going to take his sword, when I found out, that it had gone. A note was left there, in Latin. It read,"I know the inportance of this sword, and is said to have the powers of the god. I've taken, it, for I'm more deserving. Signed, Someone in the camp."

"Well, don't stand here! Do something about it!" he screamed.

"Well, let's go!" I cried. We both ran out.

"We need everybody's attention!" I screamed in unison with Anglos.

The entire camp watched and listened as we explained our story. We have a certain attachment to our weapons, you must know. A sword that's missing is a very serious case to us.

"I took it, idiot!" cried someone from behind us.

We swirled around. there was Patrick, a mischeivous soldier who hated us, and rumoured to be giving information leading to the invasion of Sparta.

"Right, Anglos, You'll die! You stole the kill for the great general, Lucius. I was just on him when you jumped up in to the air and beheaded him. You had the glory. Now you must pay!" He cried, with a tear of fury slipping down his face.

Part 2b: ???

I sprang up into the air, as the blade of Anglo's stolen sword went as his neck. Anglos caltupulted into the air. Well done on him. He's definately not a average sword, after all, that was a big sword. Good on him, I think. I took out my sword and with a downward blow, I smacked Patrick's sword with mine's.

"So you want to die as well? OK then!" smirked Patrick.

I smiled. Such cockyness is deadly for him. I pointed the end of my sword to him. Energy indiscribiable went through me. It started from my toe, to my waist, to my belly, then through my heart. The energy went through me into the sword. I lighted up. Everyone stared in awe. I floated up into the air, The eyes of hundreds went up as well. No one has saw this thing before. Little did they know that I was a god. A greek brother of Mars. And I had as much power as him. Why he had a Greek brother, no one knows. Nor do they know he even has a relative.

Notes for the story No.1

I need to interrupt you, from this story is to explain something. Why Mars has a Greek brother was this: In the heavens, Every god battled, talked, thought, you know what I mean. It was only the Heavens that existed, no Earth or anything. Now the heavens were like earth, as in the shape I mean. You had Greece, Armenia, Italy, everything. Now one day the gods decided to make a duplicate of Heaven, and that was Earth. Everything would have been fine if a certain god hadn't killed Zeu's wife. He was furious. He started a war. Now all the groups of gods split up and watched over the country's thay owned. They wanted more land. So they got humans from their countries to attack others and that's why we have war.

Part 2b: Continued

Electricty shot from my hand. it whizzed through the air and went into my enemy. It went for his groin. His eyes bulged out and he gasped for air. One thing's for sure, he'll have problems in the bathroom. He was suspended in the air. I got my sword and stabbed my foe in the guts. Blood splurted from is midddle body part, and sprayed over me. I pushed it up. More still. More still. Patrick then flopped over, his body limped, and he fell to the ground dead. I fell down, breathing for air. That took a lot out of me.

Part 2c: Anglos

I looked at him.

"Can I help you? Thanks for saving me!" I cried.

"Yeah, take this." he replied.

He gave me a pot with a purple gooey liquid in it. He told me to drink it. I did. It tasted terrible, I kneeled to the ground and spat the terrible taste out to the ground.

"Yuck! What was that?" I cried.

"You get the power of the gods. You can use it, as long as you change your name to: The Spartan......."

[Greek Phalanx]

cool story dude.

[King Henry V]

Interesting story Berserker,but there are a few points I wish to point out.
1. The system where the character whose name is written at the beginning of the episode is a bit confusing. Does Anglos first find his sword in the sand, then this Patrick steals it? He loses it twice? Presumably it's Phyrrus who has the divine powers, but in the last part it's Anglos who has it. BTW, if they are Greek, Mars would be called Ares. And how come you have this Irish mercenary serving with you? ~;)
2. In some places different words can give a better meaning. For instance, when Anglos is talking about his dead father, it gives a better, more dramatic atmosphere to call him father, rather than "Dad". The part where you hold a sword is called a hilt. There are also a few conjugation errors, such as lighted up (light up). Where you have the part where Phyrrus tells Anglos that his sword is lost and at one part he says '"Yes!" I nodded', you don't need the exclamation mark.m It almost conveys a feeling of err...happiness actually. You need to say the "Yes" slowly and sadly. There was also another thing which I'm not very sure of. "Anglos caltupulted into the air. Well done on him. He's definately not a average sword, after all, that was a big sword. Good on him, I think." Is Anglos a sword? And I don't think this is quite the right moment to think on how well he is doing. You're about to kill someone. It's time for action, not thought. Then you say that Phyrrus has the same power as his brother, Mars (or Ares). If that's the case, why are the Romans winning? And finally, why does he have to be called the Spartan?

Otherwise I quite liked the story. Please continue ~:)